Latest / The Original Self Podcast / Episode 19- Born into It: Where Your Relationship with Food Really Began

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Episode 19- Born into It: Where Your Relationship with Food Really Began · The Original Self Podcast

0:12
Welcome to the original self podcast. I'm Evet
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DeCota, owner of DeCota Life Coaching and a psychology
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informed life coach. I explore resilience, mindset,
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and the courage to become your authentic self.
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This is a space for honest conversations about
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growth, identity, relationships, and all the
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messy moments in between that shape who we become.
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Between the salon chair and coaching sessions,
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I've watched people move through life in patterns
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they rarely notice. Patterns that are subtle
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or familiar and incredibly hard to see from the
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inside. In the last episode, we explored what
0:55
happens inside the brain and body when we eat.
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The more we looked beneath the surface, the more
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clearly we saw that eating is influenced by far
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more than hunger or willpower. Today, we're going
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even deeper by exploring how our relationship
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with food began long before we ever thought about
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calories, carbs, or healthy eating. before we
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had the language, before we formed memories,
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and perhaps even before we were born. This is
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episode 19, Born Into It, where your relationship
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with food really began. Before I get into the
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science today, I want to note that this episode
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touches on pregnancy, breastfeeding, and early
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childhood feeding. But I am in no way suggesting
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blame with any of the topics that I'm going to
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discuss. No blame towards the mothers listening
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and none toward the mothers who raised us. Every
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mother in this episode's story was living inside
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the same systems this series has described the
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entire time. The stress, the food environment,
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conflicting information for sure, and often a
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lack of support. Nobody was choosing difficulty
2:29
for their child. I am never saying that. And
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the influences in this episode were, in most
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cases, invisible to everyone involved way back,
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even sometimes today. That includes breastfeeding
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because everyone is different. Some mothers are
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unable to produce enough milk to sustain their
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child. Others can't breastfeed at all. And then
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there are some that choose only formula. I will
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share remarkable research on breast milk But
3:07
with that said, Baby Formula has fed healthy
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children for generations and no one should ever
3:13
feel upset about using formula over breast milk.
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The goal of this episode, again, it's not guilt,
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it's understanding. Because I believe that once
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we understand the full picture, we stop carrying
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around the feeling that this was somehow our
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fault and our fault alone. Okay, so that's my
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disclaimer. So let's discuss before we were born
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because that might sound weird, but think about
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the point where or the moment where we consider
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the beginning of our complicated relationship
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with food. Maybe it was the first diet that didn't
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work or a comment someone made about our bodies.
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Or the first time we ate past fullness and then
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felt shame about it. What if none of those situations,
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none of those experiences were the beginning
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of our complicated relationship with food? Current
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research suggests that our first food preferences
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began in the womb, not at the family table or
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in front of the television or even in a high
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chair. As early as the second trimester, The
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fetus can detect flavors from the mother's diet.
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It comes through the amniotic fluid. So let's
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say the mom's eating garlic, carrots, or something
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that is vanilla. Those flavors from the mother's
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diet pass into the fluid, the fetus swallows
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them, and then those early exposures shape food
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preference after birth. Studies have found that
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infants whose mothers drank carrot juice regularly
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during their pregnancy were more accepting of
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carrot flavored foods than those with no prenatal
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exposure to that flavor. I think that's fascinating
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because the fetus isn't deciding that carrots
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taste good. You know, they may like them, but
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it's fundamentally learning that these flavors
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belong in their world. This is one of the brain's
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earliest acts of categorizing anything. It's
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not about preference. It's about what feels familiar
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and safe. It's not only the flavor that shapes
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the meaning, but something far older than that.
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Think about inheritance. When we usually discuss
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inheritance, we're thinking about eye color,
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height, curly hair, straight hair, et cetera.
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But biology also makes the body carry information
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about our environment. We carry information whether
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our environment's safe or is there scarcity.
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environments of chronic stress, and we don't
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carry that information as memories in the way
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you traditionally think of them. We carry it
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as a biological adaptation that can influence
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how the next generation responds to the world.
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Scientists call this epigenetics. That means
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it explores how life experiences can leave biological
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fingerprints that extend beyond a single generation.
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For example, during the final months of World
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War II, food rations in the Netherlands dropped
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to a dangerously low level. Researchers later
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discovered that children born to mothers who
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experienced this famine showed lasting metabolic
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changes that persisted for decades. Some of the
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metabolic changes were they had higher rates
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of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease in adulthood
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because their developing bodies adapted to an
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environment of scarcity long before they ever
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chose their own. Research on intergenerational
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trauma is similar. Stress and trauma can alter
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gene expression in a way that affects the next
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generation's stress response, their anxiety levels,
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and their metabolic function. In practical terms,
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this means a child may inherit a nervous system
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that responds more intensely to stress. They
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may develop stronger cravings for calorie -dense
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foods during stressful times or difficult times
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in their lives. Or they may have cortisol systems
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that react more quickly. These are not certainties,
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though, but they are tendencies that echo across
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generations. When I first learned about this
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research, I couldn't help that think of my own
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family and how things that had always felt separate
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began to feel connected to me. My mom struggled
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with anxiety during her very difficult pregnancies
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and also battled bulimia at different points
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in her life. My grandmother grew up in extreme
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poverty where food was insecure, and that was
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a constant reality to them. Throughout her life,
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though, she cycled between binging and severe
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food restriction. Those weren't simply individual
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experiences. They were part of a much longer
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story that, once again, stretch across generations.
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I didn't choose any of that, and I certainly
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didn't cause it, but understanding that doesn't
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erase my responsibility of choice that I make
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today. However, it does replace shame with compassion.
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It reminds me that the story I inherited shaped
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me before I was even old enough to understand
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it. And that takes away, like I said in the beginning,
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some of the shame that I feel that maybe I don't
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have enough willpower. In episode 18, we talked
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about the gut microbiome. once again, that's
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the trillions of bacteria and other microorganisms
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that constantly communicate with the brain and
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it influences cravings and help regulates the
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hormones of hunger and fullness. Well, they're
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hormones that stimulate hunger and fullness.
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But what I really want to know is how does the
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microbiome develop in the first place, right?
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One of the most fascinating discoveries in recent
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decades is that the microbiome begins to develop
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during our earliest days of life. During a vaginal
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birth, babies encounter their mother's microbial
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community, while babies born by cesarean first
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encounter microbes from the skin and surrounding
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environments. Research has shown that these different
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beginnings can shape the infant microbiome. They
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will influence immune development, metabolism,
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and the ongoing conversation between the gut
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and the brain. It doesn't mean that one child
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is destined for better health than the other,
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or that birth alone determines that future. Thankfully,
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the microbiome continues to change throughout
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infancy and well into adulthood. Another thing
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that affects the infant microbiome is early antibiotic
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use. While often medically necessary and life
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-saving, it can reduce bacterial diversity. Research
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has linked these changes to a higher risk of
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obesity, allergies, and metabolic dysfunction
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later in life. But again, the good news is is
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that the microbiome continues to strengthen through
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the rest of your life and a healthy environment
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and lifestyle will also strengthen it. These
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early influences matter for real, but they don't
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determine the rest of our story. Scientific findings
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that breast milk is not a fixed formula are extraordinary.
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Check this out. The milk changes or adjusts when
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an infant is fighting an infection. Like little
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aliens. The milk will contain increased immune
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factors, the white blood cells and antibodies
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targeted to what the infant's body needs at that
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specific moment. The mother's body appears to
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be reading the infant's biology and responding
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in real time. It's producing something closer
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to personalized medicine than food. It's so trippy.
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You guys may have known this. I did not know
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this. I think it's so cool. Breast milk also
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contains complex sugars that the infant can't
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digest, but that feed specific beneficial bacteria
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in the infant's gut. So in other words, breast
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milk is feeding the microbiome as much as it's
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feeding the infant. It's building an ecosystem
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that will spend decades communicating with the
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brain. So cool. I think that's super cool. And
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the flavors from the mother's diet, like we talked
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about before, they're also present in the milk
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as well. So basically it's continuing that flavor
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of education that began in the womb. And really
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that further shapes which tastes feel familiar,
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which feel safe, which feel like home to the
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infant. So when you take all of this together,
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these findings reveal something totally remarkable
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about the body's original intelligence. Long
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before we followed and broke diet rules, we calorie
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counted, or lived in this chaotic food environment.
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our bodies adapted and responded with extraordinary
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precision. It's still there. It's just waiting
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beneath years of conditioning, habits, and noise.
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Remember that. So now let's talk about the rituals.
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By the time we were old enough to sit at a family
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table, we now know the conditioning was already
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well underway. Childhood just added another layer.
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It's built through experience, repetition, and
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emotional learning. So, picture this. Picture
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this in your own life. It's Saturday morning.
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You're in your PJs. There's no school today.
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Hallelujah. Your parents are still asleep, so
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no chores have been assigned yet. And the house
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is really quiet. Only the way it was quiet on
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weekend mornings. You go over, you turn on the
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TV and your favorite cartoons have started. For
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me, it was, it started with Super Friends. What
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was it? Wanted Twin Powers Activate. I loved
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that so much. Intermixed with Schoolhouse Rock.
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which is where basically most of us, you learned
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how to count by fives and we figured out what
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a bill was and what was the one with the infinity,
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the girl skating. I think that was another counting
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one. I can't remember, but I just liked it. It
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was very pretty. Anyways, there was that, the
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Globetrotters, and then my favorite, the Croft
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Super Show Hour, which was Sigmund and the Sea
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Monsters, Land of the Lost, and then my favorite,
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Electric Woman and Diner Girl. Okay, the whole
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point of this is that then you had breakfast
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and it was always a ritual, right? But Saturdays
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felt different. I'd pour myself a bowl of brightly
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colored fruity pebbles or Captain Crunch. The
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one with the peanut butter balls that reduce
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the roof of your mouth to pulp, right? To like
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a raw pulp. We considered that reasonable. It
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was a reasonable trade for the sugar rush that
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we got. And it never stopped us from pouring
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the next bowl. So it was fine. The cereal was
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usually accompanied by a piece of toasted Wonder
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Bread that was slathered in butter and jam and
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then a big glass of Tang because somehow we all
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believe that that was orange juice, right? It
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was fine. It's healthy, vitamin C. While I was
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eating the cereal in between looking at the television,
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I would stare at the cereal box, the pictures
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on the cereal box. Sometimes there were mazes,
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word searches, maybe puzzles to solve. And if
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you were lucky, there was a prize hidden inside
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the cereal that somehow made it taste even better.
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So you had the games in front of you and then
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the cartoon characters on the television, super
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entertaining. And then there were commercials
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in between that all promised the same thing.
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This was fun. This was happiness. This was Saturday.
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That was your experience. Looking back now, I
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don't remember thinking about sugar. I remember
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excitement, comfort, safety, maybe even belonging.
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My brain wasn't just learning to like cereal.
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It was learning what joy tasted like. That may
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sound dramatic, but it was. Psychologists call
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that learning classical conditioning. It's the
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same learning process that allows a song to transport
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you back to high school or the smell of sunscreen
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to remember summers at the pool, let's say. When
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the brain repeatedly pairs an experience with
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a feeling, It begins to treat one as inseparable
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from the other. So basically cereal wasn't just
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cereal. The meaning of it, it was Saturday. It
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was freedom. It was safety, excitement, and belonging.
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All brightly colored in my bowl. The cereal box
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itself was part of the conditioning. Researchers
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from Cornell University found that companies
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intentionally angled the gaze of a serial mascot
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such as Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, or the Trix
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Rabbit. They angled their gaze slightly downward
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to create direct eye contact with children standing
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in the grocery aisle. That's so crazy. They weren't
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just brand logos, right? They invited children
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to see them as familiar, trustworthy friends.
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Kids whose brains were still developing the ability
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to recognize persuasion often accepted these
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mascots as their friends. But those childhood
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messages extended far beyond the cereal box.
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Think about Tang. I mentioned it earlier. It
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became synonymous with astronauts and vitamin
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C. It made it seem healthy to millions of families
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in the 70s, although it was essentially sugar
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with some added vitamins. Speaking of vitamins,
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what about the Flintstone vitamins? They were
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shaped like Fred and Barney and Pebbles and BamBam,
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but they looked and tasted like candy. We were
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handed those every morning. as an act of loving
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parental care, if you will. Even cereal commercials
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reassured us that we were eating what we were
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eating was part of a complete breakfast, reinforcing
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the idea that these foods belonged in a healthy
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diet. No one was trying to mislead their children,
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not one parent. They bought Tang. Flintstone
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vitamins and sugary cereals because they believe
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the advertising, the health messaging, and it
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was the culture of the time presented as a good
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choice. The funny not so funny thing is years
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later, when I found myself super stressed out,
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I reached for some of those same cereals. It
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wasn't because I lacked the willpower, it was
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that my brain had spent years rehearsing that
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association between sugar and security since
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I was five years old. I'm sure many of you can
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relate to that. Some other food rituals from
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our childhood and childhood today include birthday
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cake, ice cream going for ice cream after sport
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sporting games and events buttered popcorn during
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family movie night pizza on Friday night because
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the weekend had finally arrived or in my family
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fast food for a reward or as a reward for good
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grades sometimes fast food was just so that you
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could soften a hard day Long before we understood
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nutrition, food had already become woven into
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celebrations, comfort, and belonging. Those rituals
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became emotional maps that many of us still follow
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today. Repeated research consistently shows that
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parents strongly shape their children's relationship
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with food. What they eat, how they talk about
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food, and whether they use it as a reward or
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punishment, all become lessons children carry
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into adulthood. Food in families is never just
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food. Think about the phrase, clean your plate,
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or there are starving children in Africa. It
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wasn't just our parents trying to make us eat
23:14
our vegetables or eat the food in front of us.
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It was often families living through food scarcity
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and food waste had once been unthinkable with
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them growing up. The survival logic became basically
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a family tradition. Treats given as comfort or
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food withheld as discipline, those were patterns
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that didn't begin with our parents. They came
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from the generations before them and each passed
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a long emotional language of food to the next
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generation. So by now you might be thinking like,
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oh, this is hopeless. If all of this begins before
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we're even aware, there's nothing we can do about
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it. We're all doomed. But that's not true. Everything
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we've explored in this episode explains how your
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relationship with food begins. It doesn't write
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the rest of our stories, right? Like I said,
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the intelligence of our biology has not disappeared.
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The body continues to change. The same neuroplasticity
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that shaped the brain and the womb and throughout
24:35
childhood remains active for the rest of our
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lives. Our brains never lose their ability to
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form new associations, new patterns, new responses
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even. Neural pathways strengthen with each repeated
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use. While those we no longer use, so let's just
25:00
say we stop feeding our body all the sugar, all
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the processed foods, those neural pathways, they
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become gradually quieter. That's the biology
25:14
of habit change that we explored in episode 18.
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Awareness creates new pathways and with repetition
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those pathways become easier to follow. They
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become stronger and so therefore they're easier
25:28
to follow. The microbiome also continues to evolve.
25:35
It responds to diet, sleep, physical activity,
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and a chronic stress, we know that. As it adapts,
25:46
it can regain diversity over time. Meaning the
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gut you inherited isn't always the gut that you'll
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keep. Our environment continues to influence
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epigenetic expression throughout your life. The
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same mechanism that allowed stress and scarcity
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to alter gene expression throughout generations
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can also respond to safety, nourishment, and
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reduced chronic stress. The inheritance is real,
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but it won't determine the rest of your life.
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Before we ever made choices about food, the food
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was already shaping us, right? And that's not
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a reason for despair. But it is a reason for
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compassion toward yourself, toward the people
26:40
who raised you, and toward the child who was
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absorbing the world exactly as the developing
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brain is designed to do. Beneath all of that
26:53
conditioning is the version of you who simply
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knew hunger, who knew satisfaction. who ate because
27:02
the body asked for food and stopped because the
27:06
body had had enough. That self has not disappeared.
27:12
It's simply become a little bit harder to hear.
27:17
You are responsible for the choices you make
27:19
today, but not for the conditions under which
27:23
those choices first developed. Understanding
27:26
where those patterns came from is how we begin
27:30
to find our way back to our original self. In
27:35
the next episode, we're moving into a new territory.
27:41
Episode 20 is menopause, metabolism, and the
27:45
8pm problem. We'll explore what happens as the
27:50
body changes through midlife. including hormones,
27:54
circadian rhythms, evening hunger, and why so
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many people feel like the rules suddenly change
28:00
without anyone sending them a memo. I'm that
28:05
person. This episode is for all of you, but it
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is for me as well. Thank you for spending this
28:12
time with me. If you'd like to learn more about
28:15
working with me, you'll find all my contact information
28:18
in the episode notes. But until next time, take
28:22
care and have a wonderful day.