Latest / Very Fine Friends / Naked Office Space

Transcript

Naked Office Space · Very Fine Friends

0:00
what do you think is the most effective or impactful use of music in a movie
0:20
like and you're not just talking about scores like jaws you're talking like a song yeah
0:31
i mean that is but yeah like an outside song
0:35
that just like hits you it hits you hard do you have one i have an example that i think is
0:44
always badass.
0:47
Um,
0:47
in the movie Go,
0:51
when Timothy Oliphant
0:52
is trying to see
0:54
if she's wearing a wire
0:55
and he's listening
0:56
to Massive Attack,
0:57
the song Angel
0:58
by Massive Attack.
0:59
And he like turns it up
1:00
real loud and it just is like,
1:01
it's so cool.
1:02
And Timothy Oliphant
1:03
looks so cool.
1:05
And he's just like,
1:06
he just looks badass.
1:07
He's got his shirt off.
1:08
He's all ripped.
1:09
And he's just like,
1:11
yeah, it's perfect.
1:12
Yeah, because if she's
1:13
wearing a wire,
1:13
He doesn't want to have anything pick up on there.
1:16
So he turns the music way up loud and he has her like lift up her shirt and
1:19
like show him.
1:20
It's cool.
1:21
Yeah.
1:22
I think he's hot.
1:23
He is hot.
1:23
Yeah.
1:24
You're absolutely right.
1:25
Always has been.
1:26
Always will be.
1:28
I don't think I can have a single example that's coming to my mind of a
1:32
song that was like the perfect song.
1:37
Now that I think about it,
1:38
I think that song,
1:40
that massive attack song was also in the movie snatch.
1:43
used a similar effect,
1:46
um,
1:48
where it's when Brad Pitt is watching,
1:51
um,
1:53
is he's watching his mom's trailer burn,
1:55
I think with his mom in it.
1:58
Oh,
1:59
I think it's,
2:00
I think that's the song.
2:01
And I think that's the scene also very effective.
2:04
So maybe it's just,
2:05
I really liked that song,
2:06
which I do.
2:07
It was a really good song.
2:07
Yeah.
2:08
Um,
2:09
I thought that,
2:11
is that song ain't no mountain high enough that's what it's called right yeah i mean i always think
2:18
of stepmom i was gonna say i that i was like i know that in stepmom you know i think like they
2:24
just did a really good job yeah lacing it in oh what was the song that i was singing right before
2:31
oh let's give them something to talk about is that in a movie of some kind it's gotta be besides
2:37
Isn't there a movie called something to talk about?
2:39
Well, if they didn't use it in that one, they were fools.
2:42
Damn fools.
2:43
What about in 13 going on 30, they did Love is a Battlefield.
2:47
That was good.
2:48
I don't think I've seen that, actually.
2:51
Yes, you have.
2:52
Have I?
2:53
Yeah, the Jennifer Garner movie.
2:55
The Mark Ruffalo movie.
2:56
Yeah.
2:56
The Judy Greer movie.
2:57
Yeah.
2:59
I don't think I have.
3:02
Oh.
3:04
Yeah, I'm not sure that I have.
3:06
When did that come out?
3:10
2007.
3:11
Okay, that's a decent guess.
3:14
Pause the pod.
3:15
We'll watch it.
3:16
And we're back.
3:17
Wow.
3:18
Yeah, right?
3:20
2004.
3:21
Love is a battlefield.
3:23
It was.
3:23
Now I know.
3:24
We are young.
3:26
Heartache to heartache.
3:28
We stand.
3:28
No one can tear us apart.
3:31
Oh, you said good.
3:32
I was worried when you went to the bathroom, you missed that part, but you saw it.
3:35
No, no, I saw it.
3:36
I kept the door propped open and was like,
3:38
thank you for doing my head.
3:39
That's what that was.
3:42
Yeah.
3:44
I actually also thought of that moment ago.
3:48
And I also thought of in the Hutt Sucker Proxy,
3:54
the Spartacus and Frigio song.
3:56
Oh, yeah.
3:57
Also a great song.
3:58
Really good song.
3:59
But like it, what?
4:03
I'm sorry.
4:03
I'm talking about a song that I love.
4:06
Francie. I know, I know. Go ahead.
4:08
Thank you.
4:11
Anyways,
4:12
yeah, that's it.
4:13
That's a really good one.
4:14
But it's really, it hits
4:16
the climax, like, right,
4:19
like when they're on the rooftop and the snow is falling,
4:21
like, right when they kiss.
4:22
It's like, it's really well-timed.
4:24
I don't know if you guys know about
4:26
this.
4:29
That there's this really obscure
4:31
movie called Deep Blue Sea,
4:32
and in it, a song called Good and Plenty.
4:36
that's why you were laughing
4:40
wait how is that how did it go again
4:44
good and plenty
4:46
that hit that hit hard yeah
4:51
within like the first five minutes right yeah
4:55
welcome to very fine friends
5:00
where we're movie buffs and music buffs
5:04
and we're just buff yeah oh who are you kidding francis is flexing right now
5:11
he looks like popeye yeah a hot popeye yeah popeye wasn't really hot right even with the muscles
5:20
yeah because of the face probably yeah right he had meth face before there was a mess
5:26
My face is very important to the body.
5:32
Listeners, it's raining outside.
5:33
So if you hear any rain, sorry, that's blame God.
5:38
It's God's fault.
5:40
Why should today be any different?
5:42
Yeah.
5:43
You don't have to just blame the rain on God.
5:46
You can blame more things on him if you want.
5:49
Listeners got a list.
5:50
Yeah, I know.
5:52
I'm sorry, Francis.
5:53
It's all good.
5:53
Somebody won Francis's jackpot.
5:55
In Illinois.
5:57
What?
5:58
Yeah.
5:59
That's a crappy state.
6:00
Don't they have enough?
6:01
I know.
6:04
Jeez Louise.
6:05
Was it one person?
6:05
Yeah.
6:07
That is.
6:08
You know what we're going to do?
6:11
We're going to kill him.
6:15
How do we get the money?
6:18
I wasn't even thinking about that.
6:20
I just wanted pure vengeance.
6:21
Okay.
6:21
But we'll figure out a way to get the money too.
6:24
Okay.
6:24
That will be a nice bonus.
6:26
Yeah.
6:26
That's sounds like a good big question.
6:29
Honestly.
6:30
Stay tuned.
6:31
Yeah.
6:33
Well,
6:34
I am sorry about that,
6:35
but I do believe bigger,
6:37
better jackpots are into your future.
6:40
Thank you.
6:42
I think that $1 billion is you would have like looked at that later and been
6:45
like,
6:45
that's nothing compared to what I did win.
6:48
And I honestly think it's going to happen faster, too, because I think I'm going to.
6:56
I'm going to somehow get the entire world or the entire country, rather, to be interested in lottery tickets faster so that the jackpot builds faster and it gets so that you don't have to wait for a really long time.
7:09
I heard they might be opening one of them up to the UK.
7:12
if some limey bastard wins your lottery the only thing worse than losing it someone in illinois is
7:22
losing it someone in london i know like you're already in london you're already across the pond
7:27
what more do you need yeah you know what i thought though what if we did a smaller lottery
7:33
where everyone we get a million people to put in a dollar and one of those people for sure wins
7:40
every time we do the drawing.
7:44
Maybe it's based on the serial number
7:48
of the dollar that you put in.
7:51
Maybe.
7:52
That way.
7:53
That way 100% someone wins.
7:56
You pull that.
7:58
It doesn't have to be picking numbers.
7:59
It's you're pulling from the pool of...
8:02
Yeah.
8:04
Yes.
8:05
It's a good idea.
8:06
It's real good.
8:07
I like it.
8:08
Let's make it happen.
8:09
Okay.
8:10
no government getting any of the money either.
8:12
No, we're doing this in
8:14
Cayman Islands.
8:17
Yeah.
8:19
Yeah, that's right.
8:20
Uncle Sam could just fuck off.
8:22
Yeah, he can.
8:24
Quick interruption.
8:26
Every week on the podcast,
8:27
we do something where our producer Joe
8:30
gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
8:35
Throughout the course of the podcast we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing If the other person can correctly guess the secret
8:46
word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize,
8:56
whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
9:02
Jenna's secret word is christen
9:05
Jenna's decoy word is
9:07
boggling
9:07
Francis' secret word is lawyered
9:10
Francis' decoy word is
9:13
henchman
9:14
back to the pod
9:15
fuck off Uncle Sam
9:18
stay fucked
9:19
get fucked and then stay fucked
9:22
thank you very much
9:24
we gotta do something with that
9:24
sure, sure
9:26
on the front get fucked, on the back stay fucked
9:29
that's good, that is good
9:31
I'm going to make that
9:32
It's going on the website
9:34
Alright, deal
9:35
We do have fans that have been clamoring for merch
9:37
We need to get some merch
9:38
We need to up our merch game
9:40
100%, I'm on it
9:41
Alright, well go to veryfinefriends.com
9:43
I'm sure
9:43
The Get Fucked Stay Fucked shirted on there
9:46
And they're only $500,000 each
9:49
Yep
9:50
There's a restaurant
9:55
Restaurant is a loose term
9:57
But
9:58
Is it Original Hamburger Works?
10:00
Have you ever been there?
10:01
It's kind of not, but they have, they have their menu.
10:05
It's like you order from the counter or whatever.
10:07
And then their menu is just like cheeseburger or whatever, like double cheeseburger.
10:11
And then they have something called the retirement burger, which is just a burger.
10:14
That's a million dollars.
10:16
Oh, really?
10:17
Yeah.
10:18
And so of course the joke is like, I'll take two retirement burgers or whatever.
10:23
And they cost a million dollars?
10:25
Yeah.
10:25
They cost a million dollars.
10:26
So it's the retirement for the people that run the place basically.
10:28
Oh, nice.
10:29
Nice.
10:29
I like that.
10:29
I wonder if they still exist and if they do, if they've changed the, for inflation, if they've changed.
10:35
$1.3 million?
10:37
Yeah.
10:38
Yeah.
10:39
It's probably more like one and a half million.
10:41
Oof.
10:41
Stay competitive with inflation.
10:45
Well, they sure did invent a funny thing to put on the menu.
10:52
That reminds me.
10:53
It's time for the invention of the week.
10:58
Inventions.
10:59
invention yeah can you push through your anger yeah yeah yeah okay i don't want the pod to suffer
11:07
though i am in a rage
11:09
okay
11:13
here it is great the invention is do you know how i invented something to keep old people from
11:23
falling over in their homes?
11:25
Yeah.
11:26
There was a lever.
11:27
It was like a
11:28
pulley system
11:30
in that
11:31
so they hooked themselves to it.
11:34
Totes.
11:34
Yeah.
11:35
Well,
11:36
I realized that
11:37
as much as we might want them to be,
11:41
people aren't home all the time.
11:44
What if they fall down
11:45
while they're outside?
11:47
Uh-oh.
11:49
There goes the hip.
11:51
Yeah.
11:53
Well, not anymore.
11:59
Okay.
12:00
Not anymore.
12:06
Because here it is.
12:11
The invention is.
12:14
Have you seen Forrest Gump?
12:16
Yes.
12:17
Remember when he was wearing those leg braces?
12:20
Yes.
12:20
I remember that kid doing a little dance in the braces when Elvis was staying at the house.
12:26
Yes.
12:26
Yeah.
12:26
Yes, it did happen.
12:28
And now I believe you've seen it.
12:31
I'm glad that I passed the test.
12:34
So my invention is, it's something similar to that, but it's under your clothes.
12:39
Nope, it's not.
12:40
It's over your clothes.
12:41
Okay.
12:42
No.
12:43
I don't know yet.
12:44
Okay.
12:44
We'll talk it out.
12:45
Yeah.
12:47
Anyway, you know how your phone knows when you drop your phone?
12:50
actually has like a directional thing in your phone.
12:53
So it knows it was been dropped.
12:55
I didn't know that actually.
12:56
Oh yeah.
12:57
It knows.
12:58
What does it do with that information?
12:59
Um,
13:00
it can detect a fall.
13:02
Oh,
13:02
Oh,
13:03
right,
13:03
right,
13:03
right.
13:04
Yeah.
13:04
There's definitely been times.
13:05
Um,
13:07
I think there was one time,
13:08
uh,
13:08
a friend of ours had a watch,
13:10
he had a watch on and was doing improv and like did a thing where he fell to
13:14
the stage and it like detected.
13:16
And there was like,
13:17
we're going to call the ambulance if you don't.
13:20
You don't stop it in the next few minutes.
13:23
But yeah.
13:24
Yeah.
13:24
So that is real.
13:25
Yes.
13:26
So I'm thinking when you go to a few trip,
13:29
we have a device on your legs
13:34
that throws out a kickstand in the direction you're falling.
13:39
So it stops you from going all the way to the ground.
13:45
So there's one on the side,
13:48
one in the front and one in the back.
13:51
So if you go to fall, it boom, shoots out the kickstand
13:54
and you catch your balance.
13:57
How do you avoid getting like painful legs
14:00
like when you're falling on like a stand
14:03
when that hurt your chest or your back or your side or whatever?
14:06
Not more than falling.
14:07
But here's what I was thinking.
14:09
Instead of it being on your legs, I just changed it.
14:12
It's actually a harness that you wear
14:16
and it comes out of
14:18
like your waist
14:20
area.
14:22
So it's a quick
14:24
telescoping. It's like a
14:25
scorpion. You know what I'm talking about?
14:28
It's like a penis. Yeah.
14:30
It pops out fast. What if you accidentally
14:32
fall on a lady?
14:36
No comment.
14:39
Anyway.
14:40
Pervert.
14:40
Don't do this.
14:43
It took longer than usual to get to perverts.
14:46
So there's that piece.
14:47
Just hold on to that.
14:48
Okay.
14:49
It also comes with a head piece.
14:53
Okay.
14:55
It's a hat that you wear.
14:56
It looks like a normal hat.
14:57
But if you fall, it detects it.
14:59
It explodes an airbag around your head.
15:10
Okay.
15:11
Aren't exploding airbags?
15:13
Like, don't they actually do a lot of damage?
15:15
again i know not worse than a car accident no no but no it doesn't explode the airbag
15:23
into your head it explodes the airbag around your head so that by the time you hit something
15:31
you're good you know
15:34
imagine imagine you're wearing a helmet and the helmet is your hat okay in this situation
15:42
You're wearing a helmet.
15:43
The airbag is outside the helmet, not inside the helmet.
15:48
You go to fall, the airbag, it never hits your head.
15:54
It's waiting to stop you from hitting something else.
15:59
Okay.
15:59
At this point, I'm comfortable having this be the whole invention.
16:03
But how does that help your hip?
16:05
I moved on from that.
16:08
Now we're protecting the head.
16:10
Not the hip.
16:11
No, the hip is the kickstand.
16:14
Right?
16:15
But if you keep falling, the kickstand malfunctions, for example, or you didn't put that on today, you still got the head bag.
16:23
Okay.
16:23
Yes, I'm going to write down head bag.
16:30
Potential name.
16:31
I was thinking for the hips, you could just do the same thing, but with underwear.
16:35
But if someone's wearing like tight pants, it'll like explode through their pants as they fall.
16:41
Not a bad outcome.
16:45
Maybe you want that.
16:47
Purves.
16:47
Yeah.
16:47
People want what they want.
16:51
What about something like, you know, like, like pool floaties that you can like get inside
17:03
of?
17:04
What about something like that where it's just really like, just like a, a balloon around
17:10
you at all times?
17:11
I sorry is that very confusing you you what does that solve It keeps you safe
17:27
If you fall, you don't hit a kickstand really hard.
17:32
Okay, so you just wear one of those all the time?
17:34
Yeah.
17:35
I would.
17:38
But you gotta admit, the headpiece, that's really innovative.
17:41
Okay, well, so the technology in a phone, how, the technology in a phone, it detects that it has fallen. It's not detecting while you are falling.
17:57
I concede that.
17:58
So, do we have the proprietary technology that knows, and then also, like, what happens if, like, you're just bending over to get something?
18:09
bending is a slow action
18:12
it will not trigger the emergency response
18:15
yeah I'm pretty sure it actually does know while it's falling
18:17
because it's based on like
18:18
the speed
18:19
of the motion
18:22
and that's why you'd also be able to bend over
18:25
so I think it does work
18:26
mmhmm
18:27
okay
18:29
thank you
18:30
good alright
18:32
that's one hurdle crossed
18:34
yeah
18:35
hmm okay
18:37
hair bag
18:39
you like that better than head bag
18:42
kinda
18:43
okay
18:44
writing it down
18:46
any other holes you'd like to poke in it
18:52
we could talk through
18:53
um
18:54
are you thinking this is for everybody or just for old people
18:58
anybody who wants it
18:59
some people are
19:00
you probably get a discount with AARP
19:05
if you're old
19:06
your insurance might
19:08
give you a discount.
19:10
Yeah.
19:11
You might get a discount
19:12
or a rebate on your health insurance
19:13
if you use our product.
19:16
Mm-hmm.
19:20
Well,
19:20
do we have any other names for it?
19:24
Also, wait, wait.
19:25
Before we...
19:26
You can throw out names
19:26
if you have them, but...
19:28
How...
19:29
Is this like a bike helmet?
19:30
Is this...
19:31
Or is it sleeker than that?
19:32
Sleeker.
19:32
It looks like a hat.
19:33
It looks like a hat.
19:34
Okay.
19:34
Mm-hmm.
19:35
So we could come in
19:36
all different kind of hat shapes.
19:37
Oh, yeah.
19:38
Like it could be a cowboy hat.
19:40
Yeah.
19:40
If we wanted.
19:41
And basically it just does, it does like, it's got a small airbag in the front, two in the side, one in the back.
19:47
But they're small.
19:48
You can't, they're, they're put away.
19:53
And then, good.
19:57
I think most people when they fall, don't fall head first though.
20:01
That's okay.
20:01
But if you do, that's the one thing you need to have protected.
20:04
So it's like better to have it, not need it.
20:08
Yeah.
20:08
that's true
20:09
what about
20:10
third leg
20:11
I got one of those
20:14
nice
20:17
excellent
20:18
yeah
20:21
a bit of a delay
20:25
on the
20:26
he had to find it
20:28
on the
20:28
I was appreciating it
20:29
let it sink in
20:32
and
20:33
air horn
20:33
does this suck
20:36
no
20:38
does my shit suck
20:39
no
20:40
I think you just saved
20:42
a lot of people's lives
20:43
maybe that's
20:46
a name we could call it
20:47
the lifesaver
20:48
don't sue us
20:50
lifesaver candy
20:52
how about
20:52
lives saver
20:54
hmm
20:55
you can't have everything
20:58
Illinois
21:00
how about
21:02
you're welcome world
21:05
yeah
21:07
good
21:10
what about you're alive because of us
21:13
you owe us
21:14
one billion dollars
21:17
name your baby after our pod
21:20
this is my daughter VFF
21:23
oh she's beautiful
21:28
her middle name
21:31
friends like us
21:32
um okay great i think um i i like the idea that it's gonna look like a hat
21:42
yeah and so then is the the waist thing gonna look like a belt you know it
21:47
yeah cool hats and belts so you can something with that maybe yeah
21:53
yeah
21:53
i don't have anything i really thought i could do something
22:00
behelt
22:02
behelt
22:06
like be helped
22:09
behelt
22:10
like
22:11
I don't even know
22:14
you
22:16
you seem like you've lost the will to live
22:19
I got it
22:21
what
22:21
air accessories and then the tagline is
22:25
where hats and belts are our nuts and bolts
22:27
I like the tagline
22:29
really a lot
22:30
I know the name is kind of weak
22:33
can you say it again
22:34
air accessories
22:37
where hats and belts are
22:41
nuts and bolts
22:42
I like it that's what we should call it
22:44
it's a fully formed business plan
22:46
that's all you need is a name and a tagline
22:49
that's our elevator pitch
22:50
real good
22:51
real good
22:53
real good
22:56
real good
22:57
jode is real good
23:00
uh well i feel like the world owes you a huge favor you just prevented all head injuries
23:09
well from now on i could tell the world what i'd like to have
23:14
it's gonna it's going to listen one day i promise you it will
23:18
yeah in the meantime we got these lucrative inventions yes this keeps it going yeah
23:26
and don't forget our shirt oh yeah get fucked stay fucked illinois oh yeah one for every state yep
23:35
great well move on to countries really piss people off oh yeah london we're the uk
23:42
stay fucked brought a slava is that a real country it's a uh city
23:49
still the point stands
23:54
you don't get to look down on the inventor of air
23:56
accessories yeah
23:57
the inventor of the name
24:00
air accessories
24:01
and tagline
24:05
well I think this is going to be a huge
24:12
success bless you
24:13
yep
24:15
God bless you
24:17
all head injuries are here to for obsolete francis save the world
24:28
everyone's happy now and they're alive now yay no crack skulls no crack skulls
24:35
step on a crack you're breaking mama's back but you will not get hurt
24:39
that's a that's our jingle
24:42
subversion yeah
24:45
well good job and I think
24:48
that wraps up the invention of the week
24:51
it's time for our next segment
24:55
you're adopted
24:57
we'll never love you as much as our
25:02
real children
25:04
is that the whole name
25:09
Yeah.
25:10
Okay.
25:11
Right on.
25:12
Why don't you tell us about it?
25:14
In this segment, one of us was adopted and we've now returned to our original family and we don't like them.
25:28
Yeah.
25:29
And our new life sucks.
25:31
All right.
25:33
Let's roll this.
25:36
Okay.
25:37
Okay.
25:37
So.
25:39
Welcome to your new home, sweetie.
25:42
Oh.
25:44
This is weird.
25:45
It's really more of a box car than a home.
25:49
Well, we don't need much more than that.
25:53
One day we'll end up in a box.
25:55
I guess that's a fair point.
25:57
Yeah Good point Yeah go ahead and take your shoes off Oh you a shoes house We a shoes house Oh Okay Good Now take my shoes off Oh And the socks
26:08
Ooh.
26:09
Ooh.
26:09
Thank you.
26:10
What's wrong with your toes?
26:11
No, we don't believe in healthcare.
26:14
Ah, okay.
26:14
I was a balletist.
26:16
Oh.
26:19
Okay.
26:19
For many years.
26:20
Came down hard on that one, see?
26:22
Oh, it's black.
26:23
Yeah, can you just crack it off?
26:25
Ooh.
26:26
Oh.
26:27
Ugh, it came right off in my hand.
26:29
Oh, gosh, I've been waiting for someone to do that.
26:31
I just thought it was so gross I couldn't touch it.
26:33
Welcome home.
26:35
Uh, thank you, thank you.
26:37
I guess, I guess this is where I live now.
26:43
Yep, and it is time to be shorn.
26:46
But you're going to shave me?
26:48
Your hair.
26:48
No, I prefer to keep my hair.
26:51
Thank you so much.
26:52
Oh, I totally get that, honey.
26:54
The problem is we do breed lice in this house.
26:59
Wait, on purpose?
27:00
Oh, we sell them.
27:01
To whom?
27:02
Who is buying lice?
27:05
Lice shampoo companies.
27:08
For what?
27:09
For testing?
27:11
No.
27:11
Lice would have been gone a long time ago if companies weren't deliberately putting them out.
27:16
You're keeping them in business?
27:17
How do you think we can afford this luxe car?
27:21
Okay.
27:22
No, Zach!
27:23
No!
27:24
Oh, you went right down the middle right away.
27:27
Oh, no, now I just got, I can't even, this is not fixable.
27:30
I can even make a cool, like, shaved a little on one side and then,
27:34
and then long on the other.
27:36
It's dead center.
27:38
Oh, and the shaver just ran out of juice.
27:39
Oh, God, no, I'm stuck like this.
27:42
Oh, hey.
27:45
At least you got this real interesting shaped head.
27:47
Which you did not get from your mother and I.
27:50
We're perfectly round.
27:52
God, yeah, you are.
27:52
You're like, Peanuts character.
27:56
You know what they say?
28:00
Hey, hey, you seem like you're a little uncomfortable.
28:06
I want you to be happy in your new house.
28:09
Why don't you go ahead and come over here and feed your mother and I?
28:17
Like, you want me to cook you something or?
28:21
No, the food's ready.
28:22
Oh, you just opened your mouth.
28:26
Yeah.
28:28
Go ahead and just bite it out.
28:30
All right, here.
28:31
Here's a fork full of salad.
28:33
There you go.
28:35
You can take the fork from me.
28:39
No, we can't.
28:40
We don't live that way.
28:43
Before I came along, how did you eat?
28:47
Well, you had a sister.
28:51
Oh, my God.
28:52
Can I meet her?
28:55
You are about two weeks too late.
28:57
No, what happened?
28:59
That's the reason we went looking for you, you see.
29:03
The lice killed her.
29:06
You can die from that?
29:08
Yeah, it's got super lice.
29:10
They got out of the cage one night.
29:13
And they all worked together to strangle her with a pishman.
29:16
Oh my god, this is horrible to relive.
29:20
Oh my god.
29:22
Kate.
29:24
Kate.
29:26
Oh, her name was Kate?
29:28
No, why?
29:30
Because you were calling out Kate.
29:32
You're talking about my dead sister.
29:33
Yeah, yeah.
29:35
No, I was just thinking of Kate Hudson.
29:37
Oh.
29:39
Hey, what do you want?
29:40
Hey, you know what?
29:40
I realize this has got to be totally overwhelming for you.
29:43
Yeah, I don't know.
29:44
I mean, I guess maybe we could just maybe not talk for a while.
29:52
Maybe we could watch TV or something or...
29:55
You want to talk?
29:56
What's wrong, Landing Strip?
29:58
Landing Strip?
30:00
Because of the hair.
30:01
Oh.
30:02
Oh, good.
30:03
A fun, mean nickname.
30:04
We all have them in this house.
30:07
I'm a loving father.
30:09
This is beautiful mother.
30:11
You're a Landing Strip.
30:12
Slash disappointment.
30:15
What was Sister's nickname before?
30:19
Kate.
30:21
Oh.
30:22
So she was named Kate.
30:23
No, it was her nickname.
30:25
Oh, okay.
30:26
Yeah.
30:26
So you're an annoying little pet aunt then.
30:29
Can we not talk about her?
30:32
Yeah, that's fine.
30:33
Fine.
30:34
Okay.
30:36
What are you, are you pouring water on me?
30:40
What are you doing?
30:41
Yeah.
30:42
Are you, are you trying to christen me?
30:46
Are you baptizing me right now?
30:49
No, no, no, no, no.
30:52
No, no, no, stop, please.
30:54
No, thank you.
30:55
No, thank you.
30:56
No, thank you.
30:57
No, thank you.
30:58
We all want to end up together.
31:00
No, I was baptized already.
31:02
I don't need to be re-baptized.
31:04
New old daughter.
31:06
I like that better than landing strip.
31:09
Hi, I'm your mother.
31:11
I've been here this whole time,
31:12
but I haven't wanted to talk to you until just now,
31:15
now that you've been christened.
31:16
You perfectly blended in with the wallpaper.
31:19
Yeah.
31:20
That was crazy.
31:22
You didn't bat an eye when your father kept saying your mother and I over and over again?
31:26
Well, I figured you were a person that existed, but not one that was in the room with me.
31:31
Oh, no, I've been here this whole time.
31:32
I just refused to talk to you.
31:34
You even have your face painted the same as the wallpaper.
31:37
I do.
31:38
Oh, my God, it's on your eyelids, too.
31:40
My eyes have been closed this whole time.
31:42
Just listening.
31:43
Oh, God.
31:45
That's so creepy.
31:47
We need your kidney.
31:49
Yeah.
31:50
No. He needs one of your kidneys. I need the other one.
31:53
Okay, you'll make more.
31:55
Yeah. No, that's not how the word. The liver regenerates, not the kidneys.
31:58
The liver can make a kidney. That's just science.
32:03
Yeah.
32:04
Well, then why isn't yours making you one?
32:09
We're too old.
32:11
She got me.
32:12
No, we're too old.
32:13
Oh, it's AIDS related.
32:14
Yeah. Oh.
32:15
Yeah, we're too old.
32:16
No, no, go back to that whispering, she got me.
32:18
I was trying.
32:23
Okay.
32:24
It's age related.
32:26
I'm old.
32:28
So old.
32:29
Okay.
32:31
I feel like I have to try and make this work.
32:33
You are my biological parents.
32:36
And we love.
32:39
Yes.
32:40
Being biologically related to you.
32:43
Yeah.
32:44
So come on, we're going to take you out tonight.
32:46
Okay.
32:46
Yeah.
32:47
All right.
32:47
That sounds good.
32:48
We've been saving it for a fun night out.
32:49
A change of venue.
32:50
That's a good idea.
32:51
Yeah, let's get out of this boxcar.
32:52
Yeah.
32:53
This Licefeld boxcar.
32:55
Yeah.
32:55
It's this cute, cute little place nearby called the Chop Shop.
32:59
Oh.
32:59
Never heard of it?
33:00
Oh, no, but it sounds nice.
33:01
Do they do like salads or?
33:04
And other things.
33:07
Like what?
33:16
Yeah, salads.
33:17
Yeah.
33:18
Oh, okay.
33:18
And assorted meats.
33:20
All right, that sounds good.
33:21
Okay.
33:22
Okay, we're here.
33:23
Oh, good.
33:24
Oh, look.
33:25
Ooh.
33:25
Yeah.
33:26
I know, it smells.
33:28
Yeah, no, this is a full-on meat distributor.
33:34
Yeah.
33:35
It looks like that with the steel plating on the outside, doesn't it?
33:40
And on the inside with the giant cuts of beef.
33:45
That's a whole cow.
33:47
It's a theme.
33:50
Oh, I didn't realize that you grew up with a family that didn't teach you to appreciate a cow.
33:56
No, I mean, I like cows.
33:57
I like cows as much as the next person.
33:59
I just have never been.
34:00
You don't like a cow themed restaurant?
34:01
This is crazy.
34:05
I mean, this cow is still standing like a real cow, still fully intact like a real cow, but it has none of the skin on it.
34:14
It's just the inside of a cow.
34:15
It's a fully intact cow.
34:17
They just skinned a cow.
34:20
And it's just here.
34:21
It's lean meat now.
34:23
It's, and it's behind a,
34:26
it's behind a hostess stand too.
34:28
Like it's greeting us.
34:32
Oh no, what is it, Harold?
34:34
I just thought she'd be happy.
34:36
Oh, look what you've done to your new father.
34:38
I just wanted to love her.
34:40
Oh, he loves you so damn much.
34:43
Know that?
34:44
Does he?
34:44
Yeah.
34:46
It's impacted our marriage in the short two hours that you've been with us.
34:51
Why?
34:52
Let me ask you a question.
34:55
Why did you give me up and then why did you want me back?
35:00
Stop.
35:01
I'm back again.
35:02
I'm back again.
35:02
Please.
35:04
People.
35:08
We gave you up because of a court order.
35:13
what okay elaborate please what what did you do that the court took me away from you
35:22
we let the lice live on you oh my god using you as a lice farm we were training them yeah
35:31
it's just you have such luscious hair we could fit so many you loved it i know you seem disgusted
35:38
it now, but you loved it. You loved
35:40
the lice. You called yourself the
35:42
the lice
35:43
licest girl in town. Yeah, you had little
35:46
names for all of them, too.
35:48
Wait, how old was I when this happened?
35:50
I have no memory of
35:52
any of this.
36:05
You're focusing on the wrong
36:06
thing. Yeah. No, I want to know.
36:08
It wasn't age-related.
36:10
Have I repressed something terrible?
36:12
How?
36:14
I...
36:14
Oh, you probably just repressed it
36:18
because you weren't as happy with your new family.
36:20
You were trying to cope.
36:21
I love my new family.
36:23
My first memory is going to Disney.
36:25
My first memory is at Disneyland.
36:29
I came online at Disneyland.
36:32
It was magical.
36:33
Tell me the truth about them.
36:35
Yeah.
36:36
What?
36:38
We contracted with that family.
36:40
Yeah.
36:40
What?
36:41
We needed a way to get lice into Disneyland.
36:44
Yeah.
36:45
We were too hot.
36:46
The cops were all over us.
36:48
Yeah.
36:49
Turns out it was dirty lice.
36:50
Yeah.
36:51
So we had to give you up.
36:53
Wink.
36:55
And the family that took you, took you right to Disneyland.
36:57
Yeah.
36:58
And we kind of tricked the court into getting that court order to make us give you up by
37:06
just being really terrible parents for a little while.
37:09
Oh,
37:09
so that it was a long con.
37:11
The cart order actually did happen.
37:14
That wasn't a lie that you made up.
37:16
No,
37:16
that was real.
37:17
We just didn't give you the context for it.
37:18
Now,
37:19
you know,
37:19
now you're old enough to understand.
37:20
Wow.
37:21
It seems like it would have been easier to not have that court order at all.
37:26
No,
37:27
it's real integral.
37:29
Yep.
37:30
Whoa.
37:33
Anyway,
37:34
your,
37:34
um,
37:35
Your mother
37:37
Lice henchman
37:41
Your father
37:44
Another one
37:47
Yeah
37:47
On our behalf
37:51
And you made me complicit
37:53
But you didn't know
37:54
You had to not know
37:56
Yeah
37:56
You were our lice mule
37:58
You
37:59
Okay
37:59
You have to realize this is
38:05
How boggling this is for me
38:09
This is like blowing my mind right now
38:14
I remember reading about
38:17
The outbreak
38:19
At Disneyland
38:21
The year was 1993, right?
38:26
Yeah
38:27
There were all those candlelight vigils
38:29
across the nation.
38:32
They
38:32
almost didn't recover because of that.
38:36
And I was part of that.
38:37
You were the catalyst.
38:38
You were patient zero, babe.
38:41
I
38:41
have to learn all this in front of a
38:44
fully intact skin
38:47
cow at a hostess stand?
38:48
Oh, they get this all the time.
38:49
Yeah.
38:50
This is an emotional place. A lot of breakups here. You'd be surprised.
38:54
And here's the worst part of all.
38:56
Harold.
38:57
Here's the worst.
38:57
when you cry, I cry.
39:02
I'm sorry.
39:03
I just love my daughter.
39:05
The worst part of all is that we tried so hard to get you back.
39:09
Yeah.
39:09
But your new family had fallen in love with you.
39:12
We couldn't get you back.
39:14
We threatened them with legal action,
39:16
but they lawyered up and ticked us right out.
39:18
It also didn't help that we had that whole court order thing from before.
39:23
Oh, yeah.
39:23
See, it came in handy, babe.
39:25
Well, no, it reflected poorly.
39:27
on us and made it more difficult to get her back.
39:30
Came in handy for them.
39:31
Yeah,
39:31
it came in handy for them.
39:32
So you're welcome in a way.
39:34
But then we finally got the courts to,
39:36
to give you back.
39:39
Yeah.
39:40
Which I didn't even know was possible as a 27 year old.
39:44
We marched right down to those courts and we said,
39:47
we want her back.
39:48
And they gave me back to you.
39:50
I didn't really have a choice.
39:56
Can we,
39:56
just
39:59
I
40:01
I want to
40:02
I'm stuck with you now
40:03
I want to make this work
40:05
can we just agree
40:09
that any
40:10
head bug related
40:15
business activities
40:17
can be
40:18
stopped
40:20
can you cease and desist with those please
40:23
try and go clean
40:24
you can join my company
40:26
I'll hire you.
40:29
I agree that we will cease and desist.
40:35
Any and all.
40:37
Head bug activities.
40:39
Thank you.
40:40
Now go to bed.
40:42
And in the morning.
40:43
You're still at the chop shop.
40:45
No, we sleep here.
40:46
What?
40:46
Yeah, we've got a timeshare in this place.
40:49
We don't own the boxcar.
40:51
Oh, you didn't even know.
40:53
Yeah, in the morning.
40:54
We have a diverse portfolio.
40:56
Despite being poor.
40:57
Yeah.
40:58
In the morning, everything will be different.
41:02
Yeah.
41:03
Oh, God, there's a pillow next to a side of beef.
41:08
Is that what you use as your mattress?
41:10
That one's all you, Landing Strip.
41:12
Happy birthday.
41:14
God's in the morning.
41:15
Hey, wake up.
41:17
Strip girl, wake up.
41:19
Oh, God, I'm covered in blood.
41:20
Landy.
41:21
Guess what else you're covered in?
41:22
What?
41:23
Crabs.
41:24
It's called a loophole.
41:25
No, not those kind.
41:27
Oh, good.
41:28
Oh, what?
41:29
You said head bucks.
41:31
Yeah.
41:32
These are body crustaceans.
41:35
Yeah.
41:37
Ew.
41:37
Why would you do that?
41:39
Because this is the family business.
41:41
So that's the one area you don't shave?
41:45
Well, funny you should mention that, babe.
41:55
Now we're all landing strips.
42:03
Oh, God.
42:05
I'm sorry.
42:06
I don't think I can make this work.
42:08
I don't think I can do this.
42:11
Okay.
42:12
You gave it a try.
42:13
Can I get a court order from you?
42:17
I'll just let you go.
42:18
You're free.
42:19
You're free.
42:20
Oh.
42:20
I'm your father.
42:21
I'm not a monster.
42:23
Oh.
42:23
Oh, well.
42:25
Except when he doesn't have his coffee in the morning.
42:27
Babe.
42:28
Sorry, Harold.
42:29
Yeah.
42:30
Well, if you open up your mind, I have to respect it.
42:32
Now I feel bad.
42:34
What?
42:34
What?
42:36
What did you say?
42:37
What was that noise?
42:39
No, no, you were speaking.
42:40
I said if you, well, I feel bad now.
42:44
Oh.
42:45
Because you, I mean, I thought you'd be, I thought you were a monster.
42:50
quite frankly after one night with you guys i thought oh no you were monsters no we just
42:56
live differently yeah wait so where are you landing on the whole leaving or staying thing
43:02
where am i landing stripping it sounds like she on board oh harold oh oh harold put your gun away what you came pretty close yeah every day is a gift from now on landing strip Every day is a gift from Harold
43:23
I'm going to go.
43:25
Oh.
43:26
I'm sorry.
43:28
Did you change your mind again?
43:29
No, I never changed it back.
43:31
I just made a joke.
43:32
I thought I'd soften my leaving with a joke.
43:36
Harold, Harold, pull your gun out again.
43:38
I have a better idea.
43:40
Lice, attack.
43:42
They're everywhere.
43:47
Except for one place.
43:53
Wow, that poor girl.
43:55
Do you think your life sucked enough?
43:57
It seemed pretty terrible.
44:00
Hmm.
44:00
This is why people run away.
44:02
Yeah.
44:04
That's what I was going to do.
44:07
Till.
44:09
We had bugs kill you?
44:10
Yeah.
44:11
Told you they could be trained.
44:12
now I know
44:14
I like that there's a cage for them
44:15
these tiny tiny little things
44:17
I would like to see the cage that can hold them
44:20
they don't need a cage they're trained
44:21
but you said they escaped their cage
44:24
well I'm not trying to poke holes
44:26
in the adoptions
44:27
sorry
44:31
hey it's cool
44:33
well
44:36
isn't it crazy that millions of people
44:38
live their life every day
44:39
Millions of people live that exact life every day
44:44
It was really your typical American family
44:46
That we were shining a light on
44:48
Crazy
44:50
Although I'm picturing you with that hairstyle now
44:53
Yeah
44:54
That's so funny
44:55
Yeah, that would be funny
44:59
Yeah, for just a minute then I'd be like
45:01
I wish it was back
45:02
Yeah, me too
45:02
That's the problem with shaving your head
45:06
It takes too long to come back
45:08
Yeah
45:09
if you don't like it it's a huge mistake
45:12
I would know I told you I shaved my headphones right
45:14
I buzzed it
45:16
I didn't shave it yeah that's right because you saw
45:18
somebody else that looked good and you were like yeah you look
45:20
really good I'm gonna do that too
45:21
and I was Uncle Fester
45:23
it's really bad
45:26
well you look great with hair thanks
45:28
it suits you
45:29
thanks I need it yeah don't
45:31
don't ever do that again no I won't
45:34
good I didn't realize how much scalp I had
45:35
until the hair was gone
45:37
I know that sounds ridiculous.
45:39
It's the same amount as the size of your head.
45:43
But yeah, hair does have a minimizing effect.
45:47
It does.
45:47
Yeah.
45:48
It do.
45:50
Well, that wraps up.
45:52
You're adopted.
45:59
Right.
46:00
It's time for our final segment.
46:03
The Big Question.
46:05
The question is very big.
46:09
Oh, you want it?
46:11
Oh, I gotta have it.
46:15
Okay, here's my big question.
46:21
You need to...
46:27
So let's say you work with a lot of people, okay?
46:29
Okay.
46:29
You need to convince everyone you work with to show up to work nude on Monday.
46:40
Okay?
46:42
So you need to come up with a plan that convinces everyone to do this.
46:47
Okay.
46:51
And yes, this is what I was going to ask last week.
46:55
Okay.
46:56
All right, good.
46:56
I'm glad you remembered it.
46:57
Glad you saved it all week.
46:59
Oh, I was curious to see what you'd say.
47:00
I was not letting go of this pearl.
47:02
Okay.
47:03
I have kind of an easy way to do it, but I want to come up with a more, yes, guns out.
47:11
I want to come up with a more creative way.
47:13
Okay, but I'd love to know the easy way.
47:14
The easy way would be to say that the company is, they're having some kind of promotion, not really raffle, but like they're doing some kind of incentive program.
47:31
If everybody shows up naked to work, everybody gets a million dollars.
47:36
But if there's one person that shows up in clothing, nobody gets it.
47:40
So everyone has to do it.
47:42
otherwise no one gets a million dollars so it's a free million dollars just for showing up naked
47:48
i mean you'd do it right no i probably wouldn't either but that seems like the easiest way to do
47:58
it right for the record if any companies are out there i would do it without the one million dollars
48:02
yeah joe's naked right now we asked him not to be um okay but let's hear the
48:09
Let's hear the cray plan
48:12
Because of Christmas bonjour
48:16
Okay
48:20
I
48:26
Would
48:27
Wait until it was the company Christmas party
48:32
That's where I want everyone to show up naked
48:35
The company Christmas party, right?
48:39
I would find out who everybody that I work with,
48:45
who their secret office crush is.
48:49
And individually, I'd go around to each person.
48:53
And I'd say, oh, like, oh, my God, Barbara, you'll never believe this.
48:58
I was talking to Donald, you know, your secret crush.
49:02
And she'd be like, how did you know that?
49:04
I'd be like, I'm just tapped in.
49:05
I have a sense about these things.
49:07
and she would be like well okay all right but don't tell anyone I was like of course I would
49:14
never tell anyone but Donald was just saying that he has this fantasy of being at a Christmas party
49:22
and in walks the naked the beautiful naked woman and he'd know that she was the one because she'd
49:31
be fully naked and be fully confident walking in.
49:35
Oh.
49:36
And so then Barbara would be like,
49:37
what?
49:39
And I'd be like,
49:39
I think you should do it.
49:41
The party's tonight.
49:43
I think that like,
49:44
this is your chance to get with Donald.
49:47
He told me that this was a secret.
49:48
Like,
49:50
and then I'd say,
49:52
I'd go around to everybody,
49:53
uh,
49:54
at the,
49:55
in the office.
49:56
I'd do that.
49:57
If there were ever,
49:59
if there were ever,
50:00
Or if there was somebody that didn't have a secret office crush,
50:05
I could have him be the opposite of like,
50:08
did you know Byron?
50:11
Byron in the mailroom?
50:13
Did you know he's secretly in love with you?
50:15
And they'd be like, ew, Byron? Gross.
50:17
Byron is like, yeah, he's obsessed with you.
50:20
And I think that there's like one way.
50:24
There's like only one thing that I know that Byron doesn't like,
50:28
and that's fully naked people.
50:30
at Christmas parties.
50:33
Specifically at Christmas parties.
50:36
And then I'd be like,
50:38
otherwise he's super aggressive.
50:39
Right.
50:40
If you're even wearing a stitch of clothing,
50:41
it drives him wild.
50:43
He likes the mystery.
50:45
I don't know.
50:45
Byron's a freak like that,
50:46
but we can't fire him
50:47
because he does his job well.
50:48
I'm sorry.
50:50
We can't fire someone
50:51
for not liking naked people.
50:55
I wish I could.
50:56
My hands are tied.
50:58
It's an HR thing.
51:00
And then that, so that would be like another way.
51:03
Um, then there'd also be like Jasmine, the receptionist who is just, she's, she's just
51:16
looking for a reason to get naked.
51:20
Uh, so she would be easy enough to convince.
51:23
I would just, um, I'd tell her we're going to pregame with some eggnog before and then
51:28
and be like, get her drunk, and then just be like,
51:31
oh my god, Jasmine, you wanna hear the funniest thing?
51:34
You should totally do this.
51:35
It would be a legendary prank.
51:37
Everyone in the office would love it.
51:38
And she would think, finally a chance for me to wear more,
51:42
what's more revealing than this tube dress
51:45
that I was planning on wearing How about nothing Wearing nothing at all Give me a different kind of office employee and I tell you how I could get him to be naked
51:59
Someone that doesn't fall into a...
52:01
How about Peter, who was famously monogamous to his dead wife?
52:09
Okay.
52:09
I would tell him that I was able to channel.
52:21
I'm actually a medium.
52:23
I can channel the dead, but clothing gets in the way.
52:28
And so I can't feel the presence of the person that he loves unless he's fully naked.
52:34
So come to this party tonight.
52:36
And I have to do it in a festive environment because the spirits like to come to parties.
52:42
They don't like that depressing downer moods because they're in the afterlife now.
52:48
They're having fun.
52:49
Spirits are all about vibes.
52:50
Yeah, they are.
52:51
I mean, why would they spend any of their afterlife in a boring or Debbie Downer situation, right?
53:01
They wouldn't.
53:03
What about Two Penis Douglas?
53:06
I don't think he's going to take much convincing.
53:12
Well, he's shy.
53:13
Most people aren't ready for that.
53:16
I would tell him,
53:18
I would tell him that
53:22
his secret Santa
53:28
is actually
53:32
as a secret Santa is actually
53:36
forehand Catherine.
53:43
She really go to town on both penises at the same time.
53:46
But she doesn't know.
53:48
She doesn't need four hands.
53:49
No, I'm saying she gives each penis a lot of attention.
53:54
Two hands per penis.
53:55
Okay.
53:57
And also she has this dream where the man of her dreams
54:01
will walk into a Christmas office party naked with his two penises.
54:05
Yep.
54:08
Yep.
54:11
And he'd be like, Catherine, really?
54:14
What about double vagina Sydney?
54:17
And I'd be like, don't worry about her.
54:22
She's approved.
54:23
Leave her alone.
54:25
Yeah.
54:26
Okay, that's good.
54:28
Any other?
54:29
Um
54:30
What about
54:32
Carl whose
54:34
Clothes
54:35
Were burned into
54:38
His skin
54:39
How does he do it
54:42
Oh
54:44
House fire Carl
54:45
Yeah
54:48
I
54:51
Tell him I'm his secret Santa
54:54
And I got him a skin graft for Christmas
54:56
At night but he needs to show it off
54:58
to everybody. So I'll make sure it has to be done publicly. It's got to be done publicly.
55:03
I'm saying I got it. It's like a really expensive procedure and I got a discount for doing it.
55:07
The best skin grafts happen to applause. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's like a Tinkerbell,
55:14
right? In Peter Pan. It's like your clapter, your, your clapter,
55:18
you're clapping
55:21
you're claptor
55:23
what about Stefan who has three kids that work in the office
55:29
Stefan's easy
55:31
he's one of those parents that would free ball at home
55:35
he's not embarrassed in front of his kids
55:37
oh so this is nothing new
55:38
no that's nothing new
55:39
and the kids are actually like oh my god put clothes on for once
55:42
but then in order for the kids to get them naked
55:46
I'd tell them that this is actually the perfect way to shame their dad
55:51
that you really want to start wearing clothes again
55:54
you show up naked turn the tables on him see how he feels
55:58
oh that's good so then they're on board with being naked too and then he
56:02
doesn't care so I have
56:06
to ask yeah what about shitting Diane
56:10
I
56:16
give her
56:22
the cork
56:25
does that count as clothing?
56:30
yes we need to bear all
56:32
I give her a special
56:35
office chair
56:37
where the seat is actually a toilet also.
56:43
So I was like, look, you can be just like everybody else.
56:47
And no one will know.
56:48
And then she'll be like, yeah, but if I pull my pants down,
56:50
then they're going to know that I'm shitting.
56:55
And then I'll be like, not if you're naked,
56:57
then you don't have to pull anything down.
56:59
Then you're just sitting on your special chair.
57:01
And I won't tell anyone it's a special chair.
57:03
You're just sitting there and everyone thinks like, oh, she's naked,
57:06
sitting on a regular chair.
57:08
And I'll light a crap candle in the corner
57:10
so no one will know where it's coming from.
57:12
Yeah, a better idea is just
57:13
give shit and Diane
57:15
a whole bunch of
57:18
soluble fiber
57:19
and then it'll just make her constipated
57:22
basically. But then I still gotta get her naked.
57:24
Well, yeah, but only for a day.
57:26
But Diane also has tried fiber.
57:28
This shitting thing is a real
57:30
deal for her. No, you can get it in a powder
57:32
form. You can like shit it like a dog.
57:34
She's tried it. It doesn't work
57:36
on her. That's why I had to come up with the toilet chair.
57:38
That's why she has a nickname.
57:39
Yeah.
57:41
I mean, she wishes that worked.
57:45
Believe me,
57:45
Diane wishes fiber worked.
57:48
Oh, man. Yeah, totally.
57:51
So, well, that's
57:52
how I'd do it. It's pretty good.
57:54
Thanks. Pretty good.
57:56
Stefan is already
57:58
down for this, but damn it if
58:00
Diane hasn't tried soluble
58:01
fiber already.
58:02
how would you do it um well my idea was remarkably close to your first day but with a little twist
58:10
oh okay i would plant seeds in the internet of someone who buys companies and
58:19
sells them and gives all the profit to all the employees splits it between everyone
58:24
but only at companies where people are nude because it shows them that you're not afraid
58:34
you're not ashamed and you're ready to work you get nothing to hide yeah nothing to hide
58:39
this sounds like a business that you would actually have if you had the money so what i would do
58:43
is start doing like threads online you know and be like this this happened to my company i can't
58:52
believe it. I was so scared, but I showed up naked and now I got $5 million. And I just,
58:58
and people come and be like, Oh my God, the same thing happened to my cousin. He showed up naked
59:02
and got to, and then someone would be like, Oh my God, you're not going to believe this. My aunt
59:05
was too embarrassed to do it. She was the only one that didn't show up. And guess what? No one
59:10
got anything. They refused to buy the company. So I would tell people, Oh my God, look at this
59:16
ridiculous story. I just read and I would, it would go around. I was like, this is so funny.
59:19
This is so stupid.
59:21
Enter.
59:22
The buyer.
59:24
Hired by me.
59:26
Shows up.
59:28
I really like it around here.
59:30
This is a great company.
59:30
I'd love to buy it.
59:32
I'd love to buy it and split the proceeds with everyone that works here.
59:36
Oh, and I got this weird thing.
59:38
Yeah, I got this weird thing I do.
59:41
No, I can't talk about it.
59:42
No, talk about it.
59:43
No, I can't talk about it.
59:44
It's too naked.
59:46
What?
59:47
And she looks to see.
59:49
Is there any recognition?
59:51
It's too nude of an idea.
59:54
She looks around.
59:58
And then I go, does this have anything to do with this weird story I've been reading?
1:00:04
And she goes, let me see that.
1:00:06
She goes, I can either confirm or deny.
1:00:11
But, yes.
1:00:15
I gotta go.
1:00:16
I'll be back on Monday.
1:00:19
She leaves and I like you guys what the fuck This is too weird to be happening right I wish we could talk to the owner of the company about this but he on vacation right now What do we do
1:00:32
This place is worth 10 million bucks.
1:00:34
What the fuck?
1:00:36
There's only 10 of us here.
1:00:37
That's a million a piece.
1:00:40
Good math.
1:00:42
Yeah.
1:00:42
And I'm like, you guys,
1:00:44
I'm as ashamed as the next person.
1:00:48
But if there's a chance,
1:00:49
if there's one sliver
1:00:51
one iota of an opportunity
1:00:53
that this could be real
1:00:54
we gotta do it right
1:00:57
and everyone's like
1:01:00
I mean a million bucks
1:01:02
like yeah
1:01:05
and one of us dies before Monday
1:01:06
it's even more
1:01:07
but I don't know why I said that immediately
1:01:11
the rest of them all start to look at you
1:01:15
kind of suspiciously
1:01:16
and then I go
1:01:17
with it.
1:01:18
Yeah.
1:01:18
Oh,
1:01:19
you guys,
1:01:21
let me just say this.
1:01:24
I'll be the first one to do it.
1:01:26
Matter of fact,
1:01:27
I'll strip down right now.
1:01:29
So,
1:01:29
you know,
1:01:30
as long as you're all okay with it,
1:01:32
I just want you to know I'm down to do that.
1:01:34
I'm down.
1:01:35
And I get naked.
1:01:36
I'm like,
1:01:36
Oh God.
1:01:37
Well,
1:01:37
here I am.
1:01:37
This is me.
1:01:38
Yeah.
1:01:39
And then you make a pact like we're,
1:01:40
no one's going to make fun of anybody else.
1:01:42
Yeah.
1:01:42
Don't make,
1:01:43
we're not making,
1:01:43
we're here to make fun.
1:01:44
No,
1:01:44
we're here to make money.
1:01:45
We're rich.
1:01:46
Okay.
1:01:46
Right now, we're poor and ugly.
1:01:49
Anyway, this is me.
1:01:51
I do a spin.
1:01:53
And you go, wee!
1:01:54
Yeah, and then I bend over.
1:01:56
I'm like, look.
1:01:57
And then I wink.
1:01:59
But not with my eyes.
1:02:03
And everyone laughs, because that was funny.
1:02:07
So Monday rolls around.
1:02:10
And what they don't know is that I had an outfit made that looks like I'm naked.
1:02:16
but it's clothes.
1:02:18
And then I show up in my nude fake
1:02:20
outfit and everyone else is naked.
1:02:23
Wait, were you
1:02:24
also wearing that?
1:02:26
I'm wearing my fake outfit. But were you wearing it?
1:02:28
No, I was naked the other day.
1:02:30
So why are you wearing your fake one right now?
1:02:31
So they don't get the money. Oh.
1:02:34
I'm in cahoots with the buyer.
1:02:36
Oh, this is real?
1:02:38
I was about to say,
1:02:40
no, Francis, no, they're not going to get the millions.
1:02:42
And I was like, wait, no, this is a fake
1:02:44
charity. Oh, yeah.
1:02:45
I did forget it was fake.
1:02:47
I also forgot it was fake.
1:02:50
I betrayed everyone for nothing.
1:02:51
But now I got this cool outfit
1:02:53
and they're all fired.
1:02:56
You believe what they did?
1:02:59
Yeah, crazy.
1:03:02
That would work.
1:03:04
Totes.
1:03:06
I think we both have solid plans.
1:03:09
Totally.
1:03:09
Unlike Diane's
1:03:11
poops.
1:03:13
some of them are solid
1:03:15
I guess we didn't establish that
1:03:17
she just can't stop
1:03:19
I don't know what's worse
1:03:28
super solid and never can stop
1:03:33
that's crazy
1:03:34
that's nuts
1:03:36
like a piping bag
1:03:37
that's like a fro-yo
1:03:40
so gross
1:03:42
I know.
1:03:43
Sorry, everybody.
1:03:46
Oh, no.
1:03:48
Hey, this is a real problem.
1:03:50
Yeah, tell Diane about it.
1:03:52
She knows.
1:03:54
All right.
1:03:55
Well, I think we've answered the big question.
1:03:57
The big question.
1:04:00
One final bit of business, Francis.
1:04:05
I did not write a lot down.
1:04:07
I wrote a lot down.
1:04:08
I did piss poor.
1:04:10
And I apologize.
1:04:10
You forgive me?
1:04:12
I forgive you.
1:04:14
I'll go first since I got basically nothing.
1:04:17
Okay.
1:04:19
Is it floaties?
1:04:20
No.
1:04:23
Is it cease?
1:04:25
Nope.
1:04:25
Desist?
1:04:26
Nope.
1:04:27
Mailroom?
1:04:28
Nope.
1:04:30
Jasmine?
1:04:32
No.
1:04:33
Eggnog?
1:04:34
Nope.
1:04:35
is your decoy word boggling yes yes i can't believe you guessed that i was so hoping you
1:04:48
were gonna guess that as my real word oh wow how did you guess it as my decoy i don't know i said
1:04:54
it just the once i said it in a way that i was trying to slip it in make it seem like the real
1:05:00
word. I haven't got
1:05:03
lucky, I guess.
1:05:05
Damn. Damn, damn,
1:05:07
damn. So what was your
1:05:08
word? That's your last guess?
1:05:12
Yeah.
1:05:13
My word is christen.
1:05:19
Nice. Yeah.
1:05:21
Francis just did the slightest
1:05:22
nose exhale and nod.
1:05:24
It was very...
1:05:26
Yeah. Well, I was trying to
1:05:28
remember if I set it up
1:05:30
No, I did. I just started like, are you pouring water on me?
1:05:34
Are you trying to christen me? Are you baptizing me?
1:05:37
Oh, that's right.
1:05:39
Yeah.
1:05:40
Damn.
1:05:41
Yeah.
1:05:42
Well, nicely done.
1:05:44
Thanks. Well, not nicely enough with the boggling.
1:05:47
Dang.
1:05:48
I can't believe you pivoted to decoy on that one.
1:05:52
Good for you.
1:05:52
Thanks.
1:05:54
All right.
1:05:55
Jenna's turn.
1:05:57
Chase tea.
1:06:00
I'm worried if some of my guesses are it, I'm dead.
1:06:06
Is your word lice?
1:06:08
No.
1:06:09
Okay.
1:06:10
I think I said it like once or twice and then I was like, I can't say it anymore.
1:06:18
Is it, it's not naked, is it?
1:06:21
No.
1:06:22
Or nude?
1:06:23
No.
1:06:23
Okay, good.
1:06:24
Thank God.
1:06:25
It's Shane Diane.
1:06:29
Airbag?
1:06:30
No.
1:06:30
Helmet?
1:06:32
No.
1:06:33
Innovative?
1:06:34
No.
1:06:36
Balletist?
1:06:38
No.
1:06:40
Shorn?
1:06:41
No.
1:06:42
But I love that guess.
1:06:45
Pashmina?
1:06:46
No.
1:06:46
And that was the first one I saw you write down.
1:06:50
Kidney?
1:06:52
No.
1:06:53
Integral?
1:06:54
No.
1:06:57
Henchman?
1:06:59
Decoy.
1:06:59
Damn it!
1:07:01
Oh.
1:07:03
Oh, I should have known
1:07:04
because you called him a henchman too.
1:07:06
Dang it.
1:07:07
All right, well, I have a...
1:07:08
No, he said,
1:07:09
she's a lice henchman
1:07:11
and I also.
1:07:14
No, you said henchman twice.
1:07:15
No, I don't think I did.
1:07:16
No, he said it once.
1:07:18
I could have sworn you said it twice.
1:07:19
No, it was only once.
1:07:20
I almost did.
1:07:20
I was about to.
1:07:21
I know, but then that would have seemed to decoy you.
1:07:24
So, yeah, no.
1:07:25
God damn it.
1:07:25
He only said it once.
1:07:26
All right, well, I have a few other guesses.
1:07:28
Nice to know you.
1:07:29
catalyst no scalp no threads no that's it that's all i got my award was lawyered lawyered
1:07:42
i don't even remember when you said that i said that the other family lawyered up oh yeah wow
1:07:49
damn it whoa plus two for you i can't even like guess your decoy i'm
1:07:56
I saw you write it down and I was like
1:07:59
yes
1:08:00
he's gonna guess it
1:08:02
I thought it was gonna be boggling
1:08:04
my decoy was boggling
1:08:08
didn't I say that?
1:08:12
yeah you did
1:08:13
you said
1:08:14
that's what you get it for
1:08:15
yeah you got a point
1:08:19
wait you guessed my decoy word
1:08:21
well I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch
1:08:23
what was your word?
1:08:25
christen
1:08:25
the fuck I knew that
1:08:27
what's going on with me
1:08:29
this is crazy
1:08:31
the two points went straight to your head
1:08:32
I guess
1:08:33
pushed my brain right out
1:08:34
well you're in the lead still
1:08:36
good job
1:08:37
wow
1:08:38
you guys
1:08:40
I guess I'll have to try harder next week
1:08:44
you'll get there
1:08:45
thanks
1:08:46
until then
1:08:47
bye
1:08:48
bye
1:08:55
you