Latest / Two Broke Chicks / Sh*t You DON'T Care About After Your 20s

Transcript

Sh*t You DON'T Care About After Your 20s · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm our. This is too
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: broad chicks to show that shares life lessons and tips
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: to help make you rich in life. And today we
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: are joined by m Rossiano, the Australian writer, singer, stand
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: up comedian, host of the podcast Msolation and author of
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: the new book Blood, Sweat and Glitter.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Welcome em Thank you for having me, my darlings. I'm honored.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: I'm so honored You've got such a kingdom of queendom.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: I beg your pardon this old lady into it.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: This is wild, absolutely not. Don't even We were saying
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: off Mike that we're are huge fans of you and
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: have been since the beginning of your career and continue
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: to be so. It's the pleasure is all our.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, we hope that our generation of women.
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: I love it to my manager, Oh, a next generation
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: to grab and corrupt and yes, excited about it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: I'm already to be honest.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: There's been a lot of a lot of demons that
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: have embraced Yeah, witchcraft, I love.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, yes, future bog which yes, I've gotten rid of
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: the husband, just need some purple tied iron, some Shetland ponies.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: And the Well, we know what we're doing after the
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: show perfect, But obviously we're going to be talking about
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: the book and all of the amazing things that you've
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: been working on and the life lessons that you've picked
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: up so far. But we do like to start our
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: episodes with a life lesson of the week. So what
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: have you got for us?
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Trust the first instinct you have about anything, Trust your gut.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: Like you know, when you get chicken out of the fridge,
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: it's raw, you smell it. If you have to go
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: back for a second, smell, ditch the chicken. Yes, right,
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: same with anything in life. And young women especially are
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: taught to not trust that first voice. And this could
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: be a guy on a dating app, this could be
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: a jop opportunity, this could be a new friend in
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: your life or your friends new partner. You always will
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: have that first but then women are taught to kind
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: of suppress that.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: It's like a girl.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: So there were two times this week where I got
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: presented with two on paper amazing things, but my gut
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: on both issues said no.
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: It said stinky chicken, not for you.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Stinky chicken.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: My girls say that that's our little man trust.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah that so just apply that to every situation.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: And I just encourage you, my darlings, my afabs, my
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: young women to listen to that first little I don't know,
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: and because she's right, do you.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Know what it is as well?
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: It's like because like even just bringing up Witchcraft is
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: like women have such a like such an intuition, and
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it's like we were taught not to trust that because
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: it benefited us more than you know.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: We have to be in servitude.
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: That's that's what suits the patriarchy. So when we start
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: to question that, we're very much destabilized power.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: We have so powerful.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why we're taught to have that self out
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: totally whereas we should be. It's one sniff.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Only, yeah, one only policy.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: When it's about my age and you're lacking estrogen, there's
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: not even a sniff.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: You just look at it and yeah, I don't like
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you vibe.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, don't worry.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I think people pleas are when you hit my age,
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: that really goes quickly.
• 3:19
  Speaker 6: Thank Yeah, we can't wait, like we're such like depending.
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: Where you've got me in my cycle, it'll.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Be like I'll be sitting here someone writing and I'll
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: be like, fuck, d you don't too short a time,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: And then two weeks later, in my own life something
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: what happened, I'll be.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Like, you do they said they didn't like me period,
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: and you're like, oh, that's fine. A month it's a surprise. Yes,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: I know, every month you like it.
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: But that's the whole patriarchal thing too. A lot of
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: women don't even understand their cycle. They don't understand the
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: literal face. They don't understand what's happening for them by
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: aally because it's not something.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: We're taught in school.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's something we just have to kind of pick
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: up vira osmosis. Yeah, yeah, it's something that girls should
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: be taught at a very young age.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: We had a moment today.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: We're like trying to find something for an event, and
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: so I was saying she wanted to wear this outfit.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: She was like cover me from head to do.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you're beautiful, and I went no, wait, no,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: money got your period and yeah, and I was like,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: This isn't gonna land.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I was I was like, yeah, that's appreciate it. I
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: was like I know what.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I've got room to work with with the self live.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, you're already dead. Yeah, she's
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: getting buried.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but what's your life lesson?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Okay? My life lesson is really chizzy and there's two
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: parts and it's too one. Shoot your shot and to
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: meet your heroes. Because this actually isn't the first time
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: that we've spoken.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: Back in a year old and day when I was
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: working as a nanny and I was driving there at like.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Six am, I won a radio competition and you gave
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: me tickets to go see Aladdin the Musical when it
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: was in Sydney. Yeah, I was obsessed. I was listening
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: every single morning. And then so we're reading the book.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, usual, I said, you hated it rough
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: when you read something like that and you're like, oh fuck,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: But they actually were having a bad We digress and it.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Was who's like the hottest Disney character to win the tickets?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I've locked in, so I've called
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: up and obviously got bettered. And I think at first
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I said, like Maui, but then once I was like
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: was talking and I was on the.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Air, I was like, oh, but you know what moved
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: fusser and you just went.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: She wins give mine.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I am.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Sexually attracted to move faster, not the live action one.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: I want to point out the cartoon. The distinction is important,
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Disney King, absolutely because the rest of them are useless, unreliable,
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: horrible because.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Do you know what as well, my version of that
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: is I'm a scar girl. Scar has always been my
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: controversial crush, but also specifically the animated because even the
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: energy of the live action they did not encapsulate and
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: it is a.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Bit of beast the vibes too.
• 6:23
  Speaker 7: Close to But yeah, and so, and I was thinking
• 6:27
  Speaker 7: this morning, and I was like, that's just so fucking
• 6:29
  Speaker 7: cool that like here today, and I'm just like so
• 6:33
  Speaker 7: excited and happy, and.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I'm really that's really touching. I had no idea. That's
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: really kind.
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: And I had a really good time at the musical.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Bet you we should have brought you tickets to a musical.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: Musical.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going in the clotious singer signing her programs
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: at the end of Sunset Boulevard with the blood for Halloween.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, am I only hang out with why
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: it's so niche? But yeah, I've got the blood.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: I've got the slip dress, I've got the playbill, I've
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: even got the headset.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's going to be, you know everything.
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: I want to be, a more I want to be
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: when I grow up.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I don't. It's exhausted, genuinely. I think I'm halfway.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: There's it, I see, Yeah, yeah, this is the high
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: for what?
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Very fuck? I feel like I want to take both
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: of your shoulders and.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: Say, honey, exhale you like, get out while you can't. No, No,
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: I'm just glad that you exist in the world.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: I really am. I feel that Abby Chatfield.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: No young women coming through like I feel like a
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: bit in the way I set myself on fire to
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: kind of make the path. But I'm just glad that
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: there are young women like you available to the world,
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: to the other young women.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: So very good, very cool.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: I also feel like you've said the path as well.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So yeah, the traumas as well.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: I think because my life lesson of the week as
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: well would be the power of community, because we did
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: just finish doing our live show, and you would understand
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: this as well. I think like working in media and
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: in spaces like this where you typically are only interacting
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: with people through like a screen and you don't really
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: get to see the people that you're interacting with or
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: see them together. And whenever we do something like this,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: like we did our first live show last year and
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: then have done our tour this year, it just makes
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: me realize how powerful that is when a group of
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: like minded individuals come together, even if you don't know
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: each other. And we were so proud that so many
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: chicks came to the show alone.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: Oh my shows are all solo attendees as well.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which is such a scary thing. But then so
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: many of them left either being like I went and
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I conquered a fear of doing something on my own,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: or I went to the solo mixer and I met someone,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: or I was just giggling with the other people around me,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: and just how important it is to have that community
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: in whatever way you can find it.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: So congratulations.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: It's not a small thing to create a community where
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: people feel safe to come on their own. It's a
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: big deal and it's a reflection if you you too,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: are that you make them feel safe. So well done,
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: because there's not a lot of places women feel safe
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: at the moment.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're here, look for you.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: To be absolutely guessed after I'm going to kick a
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: door if its hinges.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Tickets and.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Really guessed. Okay, so we're taught that our careers are
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: and we kind of talked about this before off.
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: I love saying that. It's like it makes it sound
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: like it's so like professional.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: We're just talking cameras, right, I know, and.
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: I've looked at myself in all of them. I don't
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: any but we kind of alluded to this.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: But you mentioned in the book that you spent two
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: years working in breakfast radio in Sydney and it was.
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: A wild ride, to say the least.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: What's your advice for anyone listening who is having a
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: similar experience where they're in like.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: A toxic environment. Yeah, yeah, you don't have to downplay it.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: I mean, the entertainment industry by default is a toxic
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: work environment. May yeah, you are just to be a
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: woman of a certain age who doesn't conform to you
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: know what the entertainment industry.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: Usually spits out.
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: But for me, I stayed in that work environment for
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: far too long, and again it was me being made
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: to feel like.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: I was lucky to be there. I was lucky to
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: have a job. This is a privilege.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: We could replace you like that, We could get ten
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: people kills lineup. Yeah, And I say this to my
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: girls as well. Your job shouldn't make you sick. And
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: my job was making me sick mentally and physically. You
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: may as well just go get a job at Bunnings,
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: or you may as well go get a job and
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: literally anywhere else.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Go back and with your parents, go back and study.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: I love that Bunnings.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Of course, it's my happy place. I go and walk
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: around there.
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: I'm really trying to manifest my late in life lesbian phase,
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: so I'm hanging out of Bunnings a lot. Don't be
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: afraid to make a big, hard decision for yourself. I
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: think women in their twenties know and don't be told,
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: oh you're too young, or just have the experience, or
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: just tough it out. You're lucky to have a job.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: Fuck that, because it will scar you for life. I
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: am still undoing the damage of just being lucky to
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: have the job at forty six. I'm undoing the damage
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: of when I was twenty six in breakfast radio in Perth,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: and then again when I went back in my thirties.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: And it's stuff that will always stay with me. And
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: it realized your brain and your DNA and you pass
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: those trauma lines down. So I think if you are
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: now listening to me and you're getting tears in your
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: eyes because of your job plan, your exit, oh.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: We get a lot of chicks that write in right,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: and you're probably gonna giggle at this, but in a
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: way that it's like disbelief, not as and you find
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: it funny that you know they'll be twenty five and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: they've started in their first full time job or maybe
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: a little bit earlier, and they go.
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: Fuck, I don't want to do this. This isn't for me. Yeah,
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: and then they go, but it's too late.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: Oh, I have a twenty four year old having a
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: quarter life crisis. My daughter, Yeah, quarter life crash early
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: because she was in lockdowns at eighteen. I know, for
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: some reason those children have aged ten years laster than
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: everyone else. But she yeah, she said to me, well
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: what am I? You know?
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: This is it?
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: And I said, I didn't figure out my job till
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: I was forty. I didn't hit my straps till I
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: was forty five. I mean the idea that it's too
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: late in your twenties or thirties is ridiculous. The fact
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: that we're making young women choose their careers out of
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: year twelve when they're still teenagers and you have no
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: frontal lobe development is wild to me.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: But just try a lot of things.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: There's no rules that you have to have your career
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: path set down by a certain age. That's again something
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: society places on you, and you can just say fuck that,
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go and try something else. And I
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: have bounced around through so many careers, and it honestly
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: took me to my forties to figure out that I
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: wanted a production company, that I wanted to do stand
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: up and singing, that I wanted to create a work
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: environment that worked for me instead of against me.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Being here a divergent. So it's not too late. It's
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: never too late.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: I'm forty six and I think making the best work
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: I've ever made. And if I had locked in at
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: twenty five, I'd still be like in breakfast Radio in Perth.
• 13:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah, oh god, no, you just got whole body?
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. I think that is such important perspective.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: How has your understanding of success changed since your twenties.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Well, I used to.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: Think success was about external validation, and I, being a
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: people pleaser, being the autistic ADHD eldest daughter of an
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: Italian immigrant, constantly thought that I was achieving things and
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: being successful for other people's gratification, not my own. So
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: I never learned to celebrate the wins. I have no
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: internal compass of achievement. And then recently, through going through
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: the scorched earth of perimenopause and a separation, I realized
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: that I have to please myself. So success for me
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: now is when I feel good about it, when I
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: can fall asleep at night without you know, mentally stabbing
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: myself in the eye, which I often do after I
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: meet people and I say the wrong thing, and then
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: I go through every single interaction I've had for the
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: week and just worry that they're going to hate me,
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: And then I want to send an email at one am,
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: but I can't now because I've locked that. But success
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: is how I feel about myself, and I have a
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: little inner circle around me of friends and family that
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: you know, I still want to I'm proud of you,
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: but I've stopped needing I'm proud of you from other
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: people and from strangers. That was the thing too with
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: my community. I think our community is are similar. We
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: have a very strong, sometimes emotionally unhealthy, parasocial relationship. And
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: I talk about the idea of a parasocial relationship openly
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: with my community, you know, looking at likes and looking
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: at shares and looking at reviews. If I now feel
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: rock solid in it and I can turn and face
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: myself and look myself in the eye on it, then
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: a success. And another little sub to that is when
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: I start getting messages, and I have been getting messages
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: about the book, in that I feel less alone. I'm
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: not crying myself to sleep at two am in the
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: feed of position. When I get throws messages, that's success.
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: That means one person feels a bit lighter because of
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: something I made. That's success making people walk through the
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: world a bit easier.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why I do what I do. Yeah.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I love that. It's like more qualitative measures total success.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: But I also think that's so beautiful because I think
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: in your acknowledgment at the end of your book, you
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: literally the last sentence of the whole book is I'm
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: proud of.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Myself very snoop dog.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I think that's a beautiful North staff for anybody else
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: who does struggle with that and that constant need to
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: get external validation because that is so normal. But if
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: you can try and shift that and say instead, my
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: one goal is that I can say I'm proud of myself.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Because we're Australian. The tall poppy situation.
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: And if you den're acknowledge an achievement or a success
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: and you're app yourself, yeah, I think fuck that off
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: as well. And it really stop and look at the
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: winds and take them, no matter how little they are
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: so important.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I also love how you discuss the scene where the
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: scene like Alex You're where you had to go through
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: like the audience bedding in radio where a bunch of
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: people came into a room.
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: I actually dogg eat it because I doggy in my books.
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: Don't come for me.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Oh I love it. Yeah, it means it's like I
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: like my books. I just got like a little scratched.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: So for the chicks, I want to read this little
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: passage so they're on the same context, on the same page.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: This is literally this is a delightful exercise where they
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: put listeners of the station in a studio, give them
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: free pizza and ask them what they don't like about
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: the breakfast radio show, specifically the female host who was
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: specifically me. How do I know they did this because
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I was forced to sit and listen to them in
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: another room where they said how annoying my laugh was,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: how I thought I was smarter than everyone else, how
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I was opinion, and how they felt sorry for my husband.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: Well, they don't need to feel sorry for him anymore.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: With you got.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: We shouldn't laugh, we're not laughing.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: Don't stay in a marriage for too long. There's my
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: other life lesson. Fuck my daughters have learned that. Yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: And as someone who has also been told they're too loud,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: or they're too much, or they're too high maintenance or
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: you know they need.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: That makes me feel.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Sick, what's your advice of anyone that's been told that
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: they're too much?
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: I luckily figured out, you know, that it was the
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: other person's problem in not mine.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: And that was three therapy.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: And my friend Kate Langbrook, who also works in media,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: she actually witnessed somebody telling me, oh, you're a bit
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: much em and she stepped in and said, is.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: She or are you not enough? Love that?
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: And that moment rewired my brain I spent decades making
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: myself smaller to the Australian media landscape and squeeze myself
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: into little boxes and tried to figure out which version
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: of being I needed to be in that situation to
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: make that person like me, and I tied myself in nuts.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: And then I hit forty and had a total nervous
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: breakdown because I didn't know who I was when it
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: was just me alone, because I've invented so many versions
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: of myself. Think, when you figure out who you are
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: and what matters to you and how you want to
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: show up, if people still think it's too much, then
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: they're welcome to go find less. And it's a them problem,
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: not a you problem. It's easy for me to say,
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: and I know a lot of people will be listening,
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: going I'm sure, okay, But if you just put it
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: into practice, and you keep reminding yourself and surround yourself
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: with people who enjoy you, not just enjoy you, like
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: I grew up with a lot of it who endured me,
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: and all right, fine, But then when I met my
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: group of friends and you know, the people I hang
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: out with now like they enjoyed me. But it's just
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: oh honey, but it's you know, it's you make me cry.
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: It's hard being a big, passionate, vulnerable Italian lady. I
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: get it, and you feel everything in a thousand and
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: like your nerve endings are on the edge of your
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: skin and everything upsets you. But you also want to
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: tell everyone to get fus so you don't offend them,
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: but you do, but then you feel guilty for five
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: days after. It's also very cultural for us, and you're
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: raised by Italian parents. It's a whole different thing. Like
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: when I told my dad I was autistic, he said, na,
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: you're Italian.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: I'm both. Yeah, but the too much thing.
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: But also because of Madihd, I grew up being told
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: I'm not enough also, so I was either too much
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: or not enough. You got to try harder, You're not
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: paying attention, you distracted, you're messy, and so it was
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: just this constant, well, well which one is it? I
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: really feel you and see you around the too much news.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: But like I said, honey, when you get to my
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: age and start the perimenopause, fuck it. It's the fus
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: truly drop away. And it has been the greatest part
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: of where I am now. I can't I tell you
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: there's light to look forward to. It my age, there
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: really is, so I'll help you before you Yes, sorry.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I just it just hit me when you said find
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: people that enjoy you, not enjoy you. I'd say this
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: as the fact that I'm thirty and there's still a
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: lot more experience, right, But for what I have experienced
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: so far was struggling a lot with friendships and feeling
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: like I was endured and friends telling me like you're
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: still talking or like oh you're too loud or all
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: that stuff, and I absolutely felt endured. Yeah, and now
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I feel enjoyed.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Honey, that's a beautiful person. All of us deserve that exactly.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: That should be like the bar, the lowest bare minimum.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty sure that's in Maslow's hierarchy.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: I might got a fact check, but I'm pretty sure.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: And so many people will relate to that. So I
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: do think that you articulated that so beautiful. But in
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: the book you do talk a lot about your experiences
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: with ADHD and with autism, and we know that in Australia,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: ADHD and autism is underdiagnosed amongst women especially and I
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: think it's like eighty percent of Australian women don't realize
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: that they have autism by the time they're eighteen, which
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: are very formative years of your life. So what advice
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: would you give to somebody who is nervous about looking
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: into that if they do have questions that they may
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: be having similar experiences if you.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: Think that you're autistic and are ADHD and by the way,
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: there's a seventy percent chance you're both, and I think
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: that stat's quite low, Like, I think that that hasn't
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: caught up to what it actually is you are. Nobody's like, oh,
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: I think I might try autism on for a week.
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: That's again, it's that what we started the pod with.
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: It's that trusting that intuition and you know a lot
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: of people are going to be neurot to vegen curious.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: I've got the diagnostic charts in there. I've got the
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: latest DAR checklist so that you can go through and
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: if you feel like a lot of the things are
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: representing you and you.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: Don't have to tick every box. By the way, it's
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: a scale.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: But that's what I wanted to do because self diagnosis
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: is really valid and it also gives you permission to
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: start living your life as you're a divergent person to
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: put in the supports you need. You don't have to
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: go to the University of Autism and get the certificate.
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: You do need to get a diagnosis if you want
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: help through the NDIS or if you want medication for
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: your ADHD. But if you want to you know, not
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: go down that route, or you want to wait, you can.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: I give you all permissioned to live as you're a
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: divergent women.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: Because you know, you just know it's not something you
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: would make up. If you start wondering if you are
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: you're a divergent, you fucking are. I will give it
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: a ninety nine percent chance you are.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's also once you start looking into it, and
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: it's like that meme of the man in front of
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: the whiteboard with red string.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah everything.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: Now you're ah and we get missed because up until
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: very recently and it's still not great, there was a
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: symptom recognition bias and that every think was applied to
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: a white five year old boy.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but Simpson correct.
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: So if you didn't meet that criteria, then you were
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: dismissed and sent out of the room. Also, girls are
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: very highly masking. We're very good at fitting in and
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: hiding things. And maybe My daughter got diagnosed as autistic
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: last year at twenty three. We knew, but she she
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: was in the top one percent of the country for
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: her ATAR highly organized, highly type A, and no one
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: would have picked it until I got diagnosed and I
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: said to her, let's let's go look into it. So
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: if you think you are, then start living like that
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: and start giving yourself permission to not live up to
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: neurotypical standard, because I bet your self esteem is not
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: great because you've been comparing yourself to neurotypical people and
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: the world is not set up for neurodivergent people at all.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: The lights in shopping centers, the sounds all of a sudden,
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: all the shops are like shopping in have these really
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: strong sense like style Runner.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: You need to dial back on the center. Chandals in there.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: I can't breathe. All hotels have that one smell when
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: you walk in.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Just look, how do you go on a Lush store?
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Oh hate chrime lash.
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: They don't even realize they're being so ablest. God bless
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: you Lush, but the smells. But it just retail goes through,
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: you know, like fashions and fashion. At the moment, it's
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: the strong smells, but yeah, it's those kind of little things,
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: and then microaggressions on your little neurodives, and then you
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: get home and you're.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Like, why do I want to murder.
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Everyone and sleep? And why can't I speak in complete sentences?
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's valid. Is what I want to say,
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: is the very long answer to your question.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: That's a good answer.
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: That's a good answer and a validating one.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: So that's what I'm here to do.
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: I'm need to undo centuries of patriarchal dismissal and you
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: being made to feel like your first instinct is wrong.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: Let me be that guiding voice in your brain.
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you were mine and everyone else is very godmother good.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I hope to be. That's all I want. I wish
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: i'd had that at your age.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: This book is for thirty year old M. I wrote
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: it for ten year old M.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: It's the book I wish I when I got diagnosed,
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: when I got married, when I had kids, I just
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: wanted to put it all in one easy spot because
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: I was just clueless and the Internet is so big
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: and just so much information, and if you're ADHD.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: You don't know where to start.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you've experienced a lot of errors in your life, right,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: what has it been like? Yeah?
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: Actually you know her concerts sorry, IDHD cyclists are the
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: most attended by solo attendees like us.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Ye all as successful as a Taylor sw Exactly the bitch.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking. Yeah, that's exactly what you said.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: We got that on a quote, you put that on
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: a shirt. I'm going to get merch made with that.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: Talk about cultivating a community.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I love all those like videos that have like, like
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: the audience that are all doing the same dance to
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: the sound that's like la la la la la like
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: and it's.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: Like a lot of cult And I'm like, yes.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: No, very much want to be a cult leader.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Seriously, I actually think I be really good at it, totally.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we're clearly all cultivating. Yeah.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But back to our many errors of life, and
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: you kind of mentioned your close circle. What are the
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: type of friendships that make it through different errors and
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: what are the type of friendships that don't.
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: Well, my best friend in the whole world, Michael Lucas.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: We have been best friend since we were eleven. The
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: friendships that have dropped away are the ones that require
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: a lot of maintenance because I'm very busy. I'm terrible
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: at text messages. Well, no, I'm adhd, so the executive
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: function is not there. And for me, I also have
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: object permanence being neurodivergent, So when I see a friend,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: they will then pause in my brain and I might
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: not see them fro another six months, but I'll just
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: press play and will be at the exact same level
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: of intimacy, of love, of we know what's happening in
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: each other's lives.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: We're straight back in there's no weirdness.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so the neurotypical friendship is what I'm saying, are
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: the ones that don't. But no, I mean the friends
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: I have around me look to be absolutely honest, mainly
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: gay men, and the women that are in my lives
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: are gay men trapped in women's bodies.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, being autistic, I.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: Struggled with girls in high school and I didn't understand
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: the social hierarchy. If somebody asked what I thought, I
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: didn't know they wanted support, not the truth. That was
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: a big one for me is that I'm just very
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: blunt or I'm just black and white as Sometimes what
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: do you think of the stress? I'll be like, well,
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: I think it's horrible and we can do better. Well,
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: I don't like that when they really just want.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Oh what do you think about it?
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: And I got myself in trouble a lot, so I
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: tend to seek refuge with the widow Boys, which is
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: how Michael and I became friends, because he would hide
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: in the library reading the newspaper at lunchtime and we
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: bonded over Madonna and Star Wars.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: But the friendship.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: Two things that are solid.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: Friend of them.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Of Madonna, I'm I'm pretty sure Star Wars comes up.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Right, No, big right in the middle of that is sad,
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: little closeted gayment.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: No, it's friendship for me. It's hard to become friends
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: with me. I'm a hard person to get in the
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: inner circle. But once you're in, like the Bermuda triangle,
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: and I never let you go and you're in my
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: life forever.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: I'm not easily befriended.
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: Everyone says to me, I've got a good, strong group
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: around me, and I look around and my two daughters
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: are probably my best friends, which is so sad.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Are you grew your own best friends.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Amazing.
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: I my best friends, isn't that They're twenty four and
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: nearly nineteen, and I just love them so much and
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: it's so gross.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I love being them. I love them.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I would not be hit.
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: They're just incredible support and good girls. But friendship is tough,
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: especially in your twenties, Oh my god god, because everybody's
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: almost kind of secretly competing to like all those little
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: life boxes you're supposed to be ticking off, you know,
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: get the house, meet the guy, have the kid, get
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: the career, stay thin, you know, look after yourself, do
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: the breathing, do the yoga, do the pilates, all the things.
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: And it's fucking exhausting. And I just want to say
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: to all of you, let it go, because when you
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: get to your forties, none of that.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I also think as well, like Soa and I have
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: been friends for ten years.
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: Now, right, like we're literally married. And the reason why I.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Truly think we've lasted ten years is because you would
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: think we're a high maintenance friendship where it's like we
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: have to talk every day, we have to see each other,
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah.
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: But I don't see you. I'm gonna miss you.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: But it's like it's truly the most low maintenance friendship
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: ever that if I forget to reply to a text message,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: it's not like, hey, there's no like annoyance.
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: Those are the people, you know, energy that I'm aggressive aggressive,
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: I'm all for that. Yeah, it's if you leave an
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: interaction with a friend feeling drained. Yeah, they didn't ask
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: you a single question. All they wanted to do was
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: talk about themselves or they wanted to do was Yeah,
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: truly just an energy vampire. They were the friends that
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: I even now in the last six months, I've dropped off.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: A few people because it was just like what's in
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: this for me?
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: Like well, I'm just your fucking counselor like I'm just
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: if you to trauma dump on and I'm exhausted. Those
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: are the interactions and I wish someone had just said
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: to me when I was twenty, You're allowed to end friendships.
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: That's totally fine, because because sometimes you just think, oh,
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: we've been friends for so long and I'm just gonna
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: put up with everything, but why.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: And there's only so much emotional capacity you have to
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: give people. Wouldn't you rather give that emotional capacity to
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: people that love you back.
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: You gotta be given to literally, it can't be somebody's counselor.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: And then they're not asking you a single thing about
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: your life.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, you mentioned your daughters. How has
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: motherhood changed what you give a fuck about?
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: I mean, I have had children at very different phases
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: of life. I have a six year old son.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I have three kids.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, so I had Elio when I was forty,
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: and I had Machello when I was twenty two and
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: Ody when I was twenty seven. So I was a
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: baby having a baby truly with Mitchella. But I think
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: being you're a divergent has made me a better parent
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: because I am a little kid at heart. I am
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: got the Peter Pan kind of thing going on, and
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: my kid's interests become my absolute passions. Like we just
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: go all in and I got buy all the merch,
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: we do the concepts, you know, we do everything. We
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: completely make it out personalities. I mean, I still fuck
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: up and I still like get really angry and emotional
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: about things, and they have said that often and I
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: think they're a little bit afraid of.
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: Me, which is the key to good parenting.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: They can't be your friends all the time, a guy
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: on their friend, but they also fear me slightly, so
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: it's kind of it.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: I think it's a healthy parent child balance.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: But also I stopped holding myself to neurotypical parenting standards.
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: We used to make my kids sit at the table
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: every night at the same time and eat dinner, and
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: we all hated it. We all figured it and I said,
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. So now I just put dinner out
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: what whenever and they all come in like rats and
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: scatter off to their rooms or their noise canceling headphones.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: I just figured it out for myself rather than looking
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: at the macrobiotics through this person this this kid's going
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: to this yoga class, and.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, that's just not for me. And that's okay.
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: I love being a parent, but being a mother is
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: not the most important thing about me.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: It's like the third most important thing.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: And I'm a good mother because I don't put that
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: first about myself. Yeah, that's not Aaron's That's made the
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: difference in my life is making sure that I'm kind
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: of taking care of the things that need to be
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: taken care of. So I can show up for my
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: kids the way they need me to show up.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: That's so refreshing because women are just completely.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Being like a good mum, like like you have to
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: work yourself.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: To the bone.
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and I don't think it's got to be exhausted,
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: and they wear busy in exhaustion like a badge of
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: one like oh, I'm doing this and I'm on this
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: committee and I'm showing up here and I'm like, but
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: so how are you feeling?
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah? And are you happy?
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: Because kids notice.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: That, yeah, you know yeah.
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: And I'm also want my girls to see their mother
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: setting boundaries, looking after a self, you know, being strong,
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: and because I want that for them, so I don't
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: want them to work them. I think they have to
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: set themselves on fire to keep their family warm. And
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: I did that for a long time until the issues
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: that are leaving my body.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, I'm really pumping this phase of your
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: life up for all your listeners.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's it's going to so great for you.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: Bring it early, get me a time, capacity, let's go
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: come well to wrap up?
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: I would love to know. We always ask our guests
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: is to wrap up the episode.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: What's the biggest.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Life lesson you've had on your journey so far, always more.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: To learn, so so far.
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: Like some days I wake up and I'm like, Lord,
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: no more lessons today. But the biggest lesson, and this
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: is so gross, is never stop being open to the lessons.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: Because I get around so many people who think that
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: they know it all, there's no more to take in.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: They're very close minded, they're not willing to see the
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: other side. And we live in a society now, especially
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: thanks to the Internet, that's you know, there's no nuance.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: It's one side on this side, and I think every
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: day I want to learn something new.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: I'm a very curious person because I found out that's
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: part of all tism. I ask a lot of questions
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: just I want to keep open to growing as a
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: person and being a better mom, being a better friend,
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: being a better performer, being a better artist. And this
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: book it cracked me open writing it. I'm gonna get terry.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: I wrote this book through my marriage, breaking down, through
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: terrible mental health, through a national tour, through my autistic
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: son's starting prep, and I could have very easily closed off.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: I wanted to.
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: I wanted to tell everyone and everything to fuck off,
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: but I kept showing up every day, and I was
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: fighting for my life every day. And finally now out
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: the other side. The book's coming out, and I'm ready
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: for her to be out into the world. But because
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: I stayed open, I survived it. Because I think the
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: minute you close off to life, to your friends, to support,
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: to learning, you're fucked.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: You're dead in the water.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Fine, I don't know.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: I remember there's safety and closing off. There's safety and
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: shutting down the walls. There's safety.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: You're not getting out of bed. It's safe. It's okay
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: to do that for a little while.
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: But if it's rolling in two weeks, honey, get some help,
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: Talk to your friends, go to your doctor, like touch
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: grass with your feet, like it's really That's the big
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: lesson is just stay open, especially at the moment, it's
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: really important.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much of it.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: I'm fine. Thank you so much, not only for your
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: time here with us today, because we know you are
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: incredibly busy, but also for writing this book. It is
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: going to help so many people. And like you said,
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: you were so incredibly vulnerable and shared so much and
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: so much more than I think anybody ever needs to.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: But you did it honestly out of the goodness of
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: your own heart to help people. But it is so
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: helpful but also incredibly funny and beautifully written and open,
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: and so many people are going to get so much
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: from this. So as much as you bled onto the page,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: it's absolutely worth it, and you should be really proud
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: of yourself.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Oh girls, thank you for having me. I'm really honored.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: And you know, look you're doing great, Faith, You're really
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: really impressive. I'm really proud of you.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: Thank you. Anytime you need me, let you need you
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: bang heads together, you need me to put something, you
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: need me.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Whatever, Getting on the speede for all your chicks, Mammy,
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: absolutely well, thank you so much for coming on the show.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Of course we will put a link to get your book.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: Sweet Thank you of course all of your socials and
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: the pod and everything. Yes, I'm sure all the chicks
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: are very across everything.
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: They also want their fairy godmother here.
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: I've made something for autistic people for I just always
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: make stuff out of my trauma.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: She's a single lady. Next year, so guess what the
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: stand up show is going to be about.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we'll be there front.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: Aristour.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much and thanks.
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: To chicks for having us in your e holes.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: We love to be here, bade chig by chicks