Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / Confronting Jealousy, Envy & Comparison on the Ice

Transcript

Confronting Jealousy, Envy & Comparison on the Ice · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:00
  Music.
• 0:07
  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show, the figure skaters edition.
• 0:12
  Today, we are diving into something that nobody really talks about,
• 0:18
  but everybody feels at some point or another, whether you are a figure skater, a coach, or a parent.
• 0:26
  And that is jealousy, envy, and comparison.
• 0:31
  Yes, we are going there today, guys. If you skate, or you're a coach,
• 0:36
  or you have a child in skating, you've felt it, or you've been on the other
• 0:42
  end, on the receiving end of it.
• 0:44
  And it can make the ring feels like the most uncomfortable place in the world, unfortunately.
• 0:51
  Here's the thing. Jealousy is not evil. And this is what we're going to be talking about today.
• 0:58
  Jealousy, it's human. And envy, it's not a weakness. It's actually information.
• 1:07
  Yes, it is. In comparison, well, that is something unavoidable,
• 1:12
  especially in a sport where we are, gosh, literally being judged about everything against each other.
• 1:20
  The problem isn't that these emotions exist.
• 1:24
  And this is what I want to talk about today. The problem is that we don't talk about them.
• 1:30
  We don't know how to handle them. And they end up poisoning the sports,
• 1:36
  poisoning friendships, families, clubs, and sometimes the entire rink.
• 1:42
  So today, I'm here to crack this open, this big fat mess, and coach you through
• 1:49
  it, so whether you are the one sometimes feeling jealous, or you're the one people are jealous of.
• 1:56
  Let's start by talking about what jealousy actually is.
• 2:01
  Jealousy, maybe I'm not pronouncing it the right way, like my daughter would say.
• 2:05
  I don't care. In case you don't know, English is my second language,
• 2:09
  so yes, I say words in a funny way. Anyway, let's go back to podcast.
• 2:15
  Jealousy usually shows up as this uncomfortable knot in your stomach.
• 2:21
  You know, that thought that someone else is getting what you want,
• 2:25
  or worse, taking away something that you think belongs to you, is not a good feeling.
• 2:31
  A skater can land a jump or suddenly wins a competition and then you kind of
• 2:38
  fall behind. A coach maybe spends more time with someone else's kids,
• 2:43
  and as a parent, you feel like you're being replaced.
• 2:45
  Or maybe there's a parent that posts about their child's medal on Instagram,
• 2:49
  and then instead of being happy, it just makes you angry or it stings.
• 2:55
  Yeah, that's what we're going to be talking about today.
• 2:58
  Oh, and envy. Well, envy, on the other hand, is wanting what someone else has.
• 3:04
  So you're happy for them on the surface, but inside you're thinking,
• 3:09
  okay, why not me? Why cannot I have this?
• 3:13
  You know, I want that same consistency. I want that same recognition.
• 3:16
  In comparison, that's the constant measuring stick, isn't it?
• 3:21
  It's walking into the rank and scanning who's on the ice, who's landing what,
• 3:27
  who won what last weekend, who's wearing what, who's improving faster.
• 3:31
  No one teaches us what to do with these emotions.
• 3:35
  So they turn into gossips, into whispers, into tension, and that heavy silence
• 3:42
  that everybody feels when you go at the rink.
• 3:45
  It's not fun whether you're the one jealous or you're the one people are jealous of.
• 3:51
  No wonder we don't want to talk about it. So here's what I want you to remember.
• 3:55
  Jealousy is just a signal. What it is, is that it's pointing at something that you want.
• 4:01
  That uncomfortable little feeling inside of you when somebody else lands a jump
• 4:07
  that you can't land, it's simply your brain saying, you know what, that matters to me.
• 4:13
  So instead of spiraling into self-pity or bitterness, you can flip that into fuel.
• 4:19
  Flip the script, guys. So next time that you feel jealous, just stop.
• 4:24
  Just stop and say, okay, what is this telling me? What is this teaching me?
• 4:29
  What do I really want? If another skater just snail a double axel and you're
• 4:35
  burning with envy, don't waste energy hating her.
• 4:39
  Recognize it as proof that it's possible. She's showing you where you want to go.
• 4:44
  Use that as a good positive life lesson.
• 4:47
  Use that energy to drive your training, not to sabotage yourself.
• 4:53
  And if you're a parent or you're a coach listening, don't dismiss jealousy if
• 4:57
  your skater is feeling petty.
• 4:59
  Teach them to recognize it. Say, you know what? That feeling means that you care.
• 5:04
  Now, what are you going to do about it? So that one conversation can completely
• 5:09
  change the way a skater handles competition.
• 5:12
  Now let's flip it for a second. If you're the one that people are jealous of,
• 5:17
  maybe you're that skater who keeps winning, or you're the one that the coaches
• 5:21
  always praise, or that the parents are whispering about.
• 5:24
  It doesn't feel good either, does it?
• 5:27
  Because suddenly, you're the target of gossip.
• 5:30
  So you sense that people are pulling away, they can't really be happy for you.
• 5:34
  Maybe you feel like you can't even celebrate your own success because it makes them uncomfortable.
• 5:39
  Have you felt that before? If so...
• 5:42
  I want you to listen to this. Their jealousy isn't about you.
• 5:47
  It's about them. It's their insecurities.
• 5:50
  It's their story. And you don't need to apologize for being good at what you do.
• 5:56
  You don't need to shrink yourself to make others comfortable.
• 6:00
  The best thing you can do is stay kind, stay humble, and don't dim your light. So keep working hard.
• 6:08
  Keep smiling. I know it's not always easy, but let your results speak.
• 6:14
  And if it gets really toxic, if it gets really nasty, and if you're constantly
• 6:19
  the target of negativity, you need to learn to set boundaries.
• 6:23
  You don't owe explanations or certainly not your energy to people who want to tear you down.
• 6:29
  It's very hard to do, especially when you're younger and you're a teenager,
• 6:34
  but you need to learn to pour your energy into the ones who support you because they're out there.
• 6:40
  And remember that you don't need the whole rink or the whole world to cheer for you.
• 6:45
  You don't. You just need to believe in yourself.
• 6:49
  And parents and coaches, if you're listening, let's talk about your important
• 6:53
  role for a second because you have a huge say in your kids or your skater's journey.
• 6:59
  You set the tone. So if you compare kids, if you gossip, if you secretly wish
• 7:05
  your skater was more like someone else, you're feeding the beast.
• 7:09
  Kids pick up on that energy instantly.
• 7:12
  So instead, praise effort, highlight progress, and remind your skater that another
• 7:17
  person's success doesn't steal from their own.
• 7:22
  I think that should be the writer downer for today.
• 7:25
  Oh boy, another skater's success or another person's success,
• 7:30
  it goes on and off the ice, does not steal from your own, period.
• 7:35
  Now, let's get real about what happens if you don't deal with these emotions
• 7:41
  and you don't deal with jealousy.
• 7:43
  It will eat you alive, plain and simple. It will steal the joy out of skating
• 7:48
  and you'll stop noticing your own progress because you're too busy obsessing over everybody else.
• 7:55
  You'll burn out quickly and you'll resent figure skating, the beautiful sport that you once loved.
• 8:02
  But if you deal with it, it becomes one driving force behind what you do.
• 8:08
  Dealing with jealousy can become one of the most powerful motivators you'll
• 8:12
  ever have. Because here's my coaching truth for today.
• 8:16
  Jealousy shows you that there's a gap between where you are and where you want to be.
• 8:22
  So your job is not to hate that gap. Your job is to build a bridge,
• 8:27
  step by step, practice by practice, habit by habit.
• 8:32
  So here's what I want you to do. Next time that you feel that knot in your stomach, write it down.
• 8:38
  What exactly is triggering you? What does this reveal about what you want?
• 8:44
  What do you want exactly?
• 8:46
  And then what's one small action you can take today, not tomorrow, today to move closer?
• 8:53
  Jealousy without action is poison, but jealousy with action can be power.
• 9:00
  And for those of you who are a victim of jealousy, you feel that cold shoulder,
• 9:05
  the whispers, the eye roll, remember this.
• 9:08
  You are not responsible for fixing other people's insecurities.
• 9:12
  Oh gosh, no, especially at your age. So your job is to skate, to train, and to grow.
• 9:19
  So don't waste time trying to convince people to like you or to root for you.
• 9:23
  It's not your job. Keep on shining. Keep leading.
• 9:27
  And trust me, your resilience and the way you'll act will inspire more people
• 9:32
  than your medals will ever do.
• 9:35
  Jealousy, envy, comparison, they're not going away. But you can learn to use
• 9:40
  them, not to be used by them.
• 9:43
  You can be that skater who sees success around you and gets fired up instead of being torn down.
• 9:49
  This is my lesson, my biggest wish for you today.
• 9:53
  And you can be the parent or the coach that shift the culture by teaching kids
• 9:57
  to turn envy into motivation.
• 9:58
  And you can be the one who rise above the gossip and shines anyway.
• 10:03
  This sport is hard enough without adding poison to it. So let's stop pretending
• 10:08
  we don't feel it. Let's stop pretending it doesn't exist.
• 10:12
  Let's start talking about it. Let's own it. And let's flip this into fuel.
• 10:17
  And let's not be mean to a skater because he or she is succeeding.
• 10:22
  If this episode hit home for you, share it, download it, because here's the truth.
• 10:29
  No one likes that uncomfortable feeling, but everyone deals with it at some
• 10:33
  point or another, and we need to talk about it.
• 10:36
  This sport is so beautiful and too powerful for us to waste energy tearing each other down.
• 10:44
  So imagine what would happen if we all choose to rise together.
• 10:48
  If this episode hit home, please share it with somebody who needs to hear it.
• 10:53
  Because the more we talk about this, the healthier and stronger this skating world becomes.
• 11:00
  All right, my friends, that's it for today. Lace up, show up,
• 11:04
  and as always, keep skating with your heart. Thanks for listening.