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Connecting Authentically with Clients with Jill Burk · The One Small Change Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to the one small change. And as always, I'm
• 0:04
  thrilled to be with you on your journey of exploration. I
• 0:08
  can't talk. No coffee. Exploration and transformation with
• 0:11
  you. So one of the things you know, besides the fact that I'm your host,
• 0:15
  Yvonne McCoy, is that this is live, and so there may be
• 0:18
  bloopers. But I bring almost 30 years
• 0:22
  of entrepreneurial experience and a passion for discovering
• 0:26
  growth through the process of seemingly small change.
• 0:29
  And I wanna thank you again for joining me. I hope that this is gonna
• 0:33
  help you on your entrepreneurial journey. And this week, we are
• 0:36
  talking with another amazing guest, Jill
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  Burke. Jill. You, Yvonne.
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  Thank you for taking the time to be here. So tell my
• 0:48
  audience what it is you do and why you do it.
• 0:52
  Oh, what do I do? I connect people. So I was I've
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  been an entrepreneur for a very long time, and and this year was a
• 0:59
  switch up year for me because I watched
• 1:03
  myself and other people struggle so hard trying to
• 1:07
  connect to their clients and their audience in
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  a in an authentic and deep way even when they didn't see
• 1:14
  them all the time. I ran a mobile massage practice, so my
• 1:18
  therapist saw my clients, but I didn't necessarily see them. And I
• 1:22
  just found that it like, that connection, that talking to people.
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  Having having clients be interested and loyal to the
• 1:29
  business over and above their interest in loyalty to
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  their actual therapist was really a struggle. And
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  so about a year ago, I switched up my life, and now I work with
• 1:41
  a company that helps people create magazines,
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  but that's not all I do. I have a couple of podcasts.
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  I talk to people like you. I
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  I just connect with everybody I can connect with because
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  that is so hard to do as a business
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  owner. You get so overwhelmed with the day to
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  day that you lose the connection with the people that you
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  really need in order to thrive. So I the
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  the thing that that I think that I wanna point out from what you said
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  is I think it is one of the biggest mistakes entrepreneurs
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  make, and that is, you know,
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  I'm gonna do this. I know how to do this on my own.
• 2:25
  And that was a big mistake that I made. If I had gone into
• 2:29
  community and connection when I first started, I
• 2:33
  can't believe what a difference it would have made in my journey. Because first of
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  all, you don't have to make the same mistakes that somebody else made. Do you
• 2:39
  know? And you don't have to feel lonely when you, you know, when you don't
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  You don't have to feel lonely. When you scrape
• 2:46
  yourself off the ground. Or when you've accomplished
• 2:50
  something amazing. Or when your family says, I don't wanna
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  hear this anymore. Yeah.
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  Yeah. So so when you may
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  decided to make this change, what what are some of the things you so
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  here's the other thing I think, is that we think,
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  as entrepreneurs, a lot about the sale
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  and not about the continuing relationship. Right?
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  And I think people need to be they have an an
• 3:21
  expectation that this is what they're gonna get. But what
• 3:25
  keeps them there, I think, is the delight,
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  the extra thing that shows up, the message,
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  the text, the postcard, the the something that
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  says, you're more to me than what, you know, your weekly visit or
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  whatever. Yeah.
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  Yeah. And and in this
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  time that we're in, I think people are particularly isolated and lonely.
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  It's very easy to get stuck on your phone or on Facebook or
• 3:56
  whatever and and miss some of the more genuine connections
• 4:00
  that come from a conversation that doesn't necessarily have to be face to
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  face. But but is a conversation where 2 people are
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  looking at each other and and having a conversation
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  via Zoom or in the living room over a drink.
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  And as as business owners
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  talking to our clients, sometimes we we miss that because so
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  much of those interactions are transactional,
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  And we forget that the most important thing we can
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  give any of our clients, any of our staff, any of
• 4:34
  our colleagues is making them feel important,
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  making them feel beautiful and interesting and
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  fantastic. And when you can do that, when you
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  can make somebody feel really fantastic, when you've when when you can
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  hardly wait to talk to me, when I call you up and I say, Yvonne,
• 4:55
  I'm in Philadelphia. Let's go for a drink. And you go, oh, that's so grand.
• 4:59
  Yeah. That's like, when we can do that,
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  and and and figuring out an authentic way to do that as a
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  business owner is is tricky
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  and time and can be time consuming because you do get kinda
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  bogged into conversations sometimes that you may not have time for. But
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  if you can do that a little bit every day, what a what a gift
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  you're giving, not just to yourself and the people that are
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  are part of your business, however that might be, but just
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  to the world in general. When you make people feel important, that's empowering.
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  And I think, you know, that fits into, you know, what
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  I do about attracting clients using your unique power because
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  the way you connect may be totally different than the way that I
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  connect. Right? Yeah. And so, you know, probably
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  the most important question that I had a coach ask
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  me once is she said she was like, you you
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  know, let's let's get you on social media. And I was like and at the
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  time, I was like, I don't wanna show my plate. I'm not gonna dance, you
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  know, to do these things. She said, okay. Well, tell me, what is
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  something that you've done in your business that you've done, you know,
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  consistently over a long period of time? And I said, I
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  had a blog talk radio show for 3 years. And she
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  said, so you like to speak? And I'm like, yeah.
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  She goes, then that's what we're gonna do. That's what because that's what you
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  like to do. That's you. Right? So if you
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  are if you are trying to help people find ways to be
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  authentic, what are some of the things that you ask them
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  or, you know, ways that they can do that?
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  Well, I like I like to start with really inappropriate questions.
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  Like like, the most like right? Don't talk to me
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  about the weather. Talk to me about what you really feel about your husband at
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  this moment. Talk to me about one thing that really embarrassed you
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  or made you happy this week.
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  Tell me what you really think about war. Like, I I ask questions
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  because I travel a lot. And and so you go to
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  places, and we were in Serbia this summer, and I said to I I asked
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  people how they felt about Bosnia, how they felt about
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  Russia and Putin, and I just like to find out what people are
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  feeling a little bit underneath the surface and go
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  on go with that. It's really easy to I mean, it's
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  it's really easy and important to give a a superficial compliment.
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  Right? Like like, truthfully, you look fantastic in blue.
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  Blue is a great color for your sweater. It's a great color for your background.
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  That's a that's a truth. It's whatever, but
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  it's still a superficial whatever. It's not gonna cause us might make you
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  feel good for a moment, but it's not gonna cause us to connect.
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  Whereas if, you know, we talk about something deeper parenting
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  stuff, like the fact that you give one of your kids a Christmas present every
• 7:58
  day, like, those kind of conversations that deepen the
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  connection Especially when my kid is 50.
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  That's smart. Yes.
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  Listen. They're always our kids. They're always our kids.
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  I try not to give my kids, like, I try not to give my kids
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  anything that they can't eat because everybody's got so much stuff
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  that, you know, whatever. But those are the
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  things that that that make us feel seen also as
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  more than just a passerby in each other's lives
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  when we get into things like that. Well, you know, one of the things
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  that I think I discovered
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  was that for a really long time, I
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  kind of held myself in, both in my personal and my
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  private you know, personal and professional business. It was
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  like, you know, don't rock the boat. Don't whatever.
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  And so since I have since I have gotten to the point
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  where this is why nobody knows me. Right?
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  Yeah. And and I'm not sharing anything that that's
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  deeper. Right? I'm not Just playing it
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  safe. Right. Well and and and part of it part of it, I
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  you know, if if you've heard me do my talk, part of it
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  has to be has to do with how we were raised. I
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  mean, our parents gave us limiting beliefs that fit
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  us as we were smaller to keep us safe because as as
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  toddlers and young children, we will do anything. And it's a it's a
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  miracle that we survive childhood. Right? We can't do up to our
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  own. But those are not the same the same beliefs that
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  serve us as adults, especially not as entrepreneurs.
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  Right? And so not everybody you don't
• 9:50
  need to be everybody's friend. Not everybody is your client.
• 9:53
  Right. Yeah. So why pick up a client that's
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  not the kind of client that you want? Because you will spend more energy
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  trying to fit into that relationship as opposed to
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  the people that when you see them and you
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  talk to them, you have instant sparks. You
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  know? I mean so for instance, like, a trigger for me are dogs.
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  You know? I come from I come from a long line of dog fit you
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  know, families, and, you know, dogs are a big thing in our family.
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  And so anybody who's got a dog and goes, oh, I'm sorry. My dog barked.
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  I'm like, don't even worry about it. If you see me do like this, it
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  means my dog is going under my chest. It's like the earthquake
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  effect. And so, you know, you don't have to pretend to
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  be something that you're not. So how does that affect us in terms of,
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  you were saying something about magazines and, you know, how you
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  connect people. And so how does that being yourself and stop playing
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  it safe? Actually actually, being
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  yourself is being safe because you don't have to worry about who you were with
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  each person. You can you know? It's not it's kinda like you don't have to
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  keep up with the lie. And also, there is when you
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  get to a point where you realize not everyone
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  has to like you,
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  and it's okay. It it it's not a statement about you.
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  It is just not. It is it is
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  whatever lens they're looking through, wherever their life is at,
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  and sometimes we're just not good fits for people. Mhmm.
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  But I have met people, and they just vibrate wrong. It's not that they're
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  a bad person. It's not that I can say specifically what
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  I why I wouldn't choose to have them for coffee, but
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  they vibrate wrong. They're just not a real good fit for
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  whatever is going on. That's great because you
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  cannot be friends with everybody. I have a friend who's got 9 brothers and sisters.
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  And he says to me, don't worry about it, Jill. You can't like everyone.
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  I'm trying to keep up with 9 brothers and sisters. He's like, you just don't.
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  Well, you know, we see each other when we see each other, and I don't
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  you don't have to like everyone. I'm like, but that you
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  I mean, I just put a caveat on that. You do have to like your
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  brothers and sisters in my world, but You you you
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  you love them, but that doesn't mean you like them. And it doesn't mean
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  that everybody has to have space in your living room.
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  Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting. I think part and I think
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  part of the problem is that we don't take the time to figure
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  out what it is that we do like. I mean, I was thinking about
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  this the other day. I had 2 connection calls.
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  Both of them, the other person did the
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  majority of talking almost to the point that I couldn't interject,
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  and yet the feeling was totally different. 1 was totally
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  transactional. You know, it was like it was a prepared script,
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  and she was, you know, she was doing her thing. And and and she was
• 12:54
  very generous in her offers and stuff like that, you know,
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  and ways that we could connect. But it was very
• 13:03
  practiced. Do you know what I mean? It felt like it didn't have any, you
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  know, she would have given this to me. She would have given this to anybody
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  who was on the other person was
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  talked in a totally un reined in way that
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  had me laughing hysterically. Do you know? I mean, even when
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  I said, Wait, slow down, stop. This is not what we're supposed to be talking
• 13:25
  about. We were having such a good time. And so, you know,
• 13:29
  afterwards it was like, Okay, both of these people
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  were, like, just talking, talking to why did one really, you know,
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  resonate with me and the other one didn't? And so I think you have to
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  take the time to find out what it is that you're looking
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  for. You know? And and here's the thing. Not everyone can be
• 13:47
  funny. I mean, you and I can, clearly,
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  but not everybody can be funny. Right? So you so you need to
• 13:54
  know kind of who you are well enough that you know what
• 13:58
  the cadence of a good conversation with you is, what a good
• 14:02
  partner for you is in a business or conversation or whatever you're gonna
• 14:05
  do so that you can make those decisions.
• 14:10
  Well, I think and the other part here's my caveat.
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  My caveat is as you're growing, you're gonna
• 14:18
  be uncomfortable. And so my rule
• 14:22
  of thumb is, you know, I always give somebody a
• 14:25
  second chance. You know? I don't because I never know what
• 14:29
  kind of mood they're in and what kind of mood I was in. Right? And
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  it's like, let me just make sure that I made the right decision,
• 14:37
  right, about what's going on. I mean, that's me. Well
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  and I I think also we kinda rotate through
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  places as well. And unless somebody's really
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  a horrible person, which I don't
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  know, there's probably 1 out of every 1,000 people you meet in your life that's
• 14:56
  a horrible person. But every once in a while you meet someone
• 15:00
  and they're just not someone that's that's
• 15:04
  energetically safe for you, I think it's fine to put those people off
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  to a place where you just know that that's never there's gonna
• 15:11
  have to be some sort of transformation for that to happen.
• 15:15
  Otherwise, as we go through as we go through life and as we meet
• 15:19
  people or whatever, it's somebody once said to
• 15:23
  me, every burnt bridge you burn is a luxury. So so
• 15:26
  we we get luxurious things. We we get to do things that are
• 15:30
  just for for the fun or the joy of it. But to burn a
• 15:34
  bridge or to say I'm never gonna speak to that person again is
• 15:38
  is probably not a good fit for you or for them. And
• 15:41
  even if they're not somebody you wanna have for your dinner at your dinner table,
• 15:45
  they may still be somebody you wanna buy insurance from or somebody that your
• 15:49
  daughter needs to to use to get her car
• 15:53
  fixed or something. Who knows? Right. So
• 15:56
  I I I think I think what we're saying is it's
• 16:00
  simple, but it's not easy. Do you know?
• 16:04
  Well, I think Most people have some merit. Right.
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  And I think, you know, even if they don't have merit with you, they potentially
• 16:11
  have merit with other people. And the other thing is that
• 16:15
  you're constantly changing. So somebody who's not your cup of tea
• 16:18
  now, 3 years from now, may very well be your cup of
• 16:22
  tea, you know, because they've changed and you've changed. That's why I said, I always
• 16:26
  feel like you have to give somebody a second chance. The other thing that has
• 16:29
  made a huge difference for me in terms of
• 16:33
  mindset and how I I look at people,
• 16:37
  is kind of in this positive thinking kinda idea is, am I
• 16:41
  being curious, or am I being judgmental? And I have to say,
• 16:45
  I come from a very I'm I'm a left to my my rathers,
• 16:49
  I'm a very type a person. You know? My my daughter spent
• 16:52
  years saying to me, mom, when I call you and I'm sick, don't tell me
• 16:56
  ask me what did you take for that. You're supposed you're supposed to
• 16:59
  say, honey, I'm sorry you're sick. You know, are you feeling
• 17:03
  better? Is there something I can do for you? Because I'm
• 17:07
  like, you got a problem. Fix it. I mean, that's you know, if you
• 17:10
  if you're not trying to fix it, what am I gonna do for you? You
• 17:13
  know what I mean? That was kinda so this this has been an incredible shift
• 17:16
  for me, to be like the shift? Yes.
• 17:20
  I do very much. I like it very much. And and
• 17:24
  you get, like, a lot of different things. The other thing is what I realized
• 17:28
  is, you know, is you start to realize that a lot of different
• 17:32
  things work for other people that don't work for you, but that doesn't mean that
• 17:35
  they're bad and you have to do it your way. So that you know, I
• 17:38
  mean, one of the one of the major shifts that that has happened in
• 17:42
  business because of that is, you know, I used to
• 17:46
  have a fairly defined thing
• 17:50
  about what could be a good business. Right?
• 17:54
  And now I'm like, I've seen some business ideas that in
• 17:58
  my prior life I'd go, there is no way you can make money at this.
• 18:02
  But they are. You know? And so so now when I talk to
• 18:05
  somebody, you know, the first thing I, you know, I, you know, I dive in.
• 18:09
  I go, tell me more about that. Tell me what you're thinking. What is your
• 18:12
  thought? How do you, you know? And, you know, just kind of
• 18:15
  explore, and it helps them to clarify as well.
• 18:20
  And so that I mean, I we were in a meeting, and there was somebody
• 18:22
  in the meeting that was just really disruptive.
• 18:26
  You know? Because I was trying to you know? And we were on Zoom, and
• 18:30
  this is, like, you know, during COVID. And I was like
• 18:33
  afterwards, I was like, what just happened? And who does he
• 18:37
  think he is? And I'm like, okay.
• 18:41
  I'm gonna try this curiosity thing. You know? And as I
• 18:44
  started saying, okay. Why was he here? What was he talking
• 18:48
  about? Why was he invited? You know, that kind of stuff. It suddenly dawned
• 18:52
  on me that his ideas were not appropriate
• 18:56
  because we hadn't defined what our problem was.
• 19:01
  We didn't know what our what we were trying to solve for, and so
• 19:05
  he was just throwing stuff out, you know, what he knew. And I was
• 19:08
  like, you know what? When we figure out what it is we need,
• 19:12
  he actually is probably a good person for this. Do you
• 19:16
  know? He's got energy. He's young. He's got all this
• 19:19
  tech stuff. We just need to figure out what it is we need, you
• 19:23
  know? But that was a real eye opener for me.
• 19:27
  Yeah. Yeah. So tell me tell me,
• 19:32
  first, let's talk about your gift because I wanna make sure everybody knows about the
• 19:35
  gift. Okay. So it's it's 10 ways
• 19:39
  to be fascinating. I like
• 19:42
  that. Yeah. I, as we were talking and I was thinking about kinda
• 19:46
  who we were gonna talk to in this, fascination is
• 19:50
  the key of of communication to me. If you're interesting
• 19:54
  and you're interested, which is if
• 19:57
  there's one and not the other, it's a little bit hard to have a conversation.
• 20:01
  You have a you have a speech, but you don't have a
• 20:05
  conversation. So if you're interested and you're interesting,
• 20:09
  and then what else does it take to be fascinating? And when you're fascinating,
• 20:13
  people are attracted to your business. They'll come on your podcast.
• 20:17
  They'll do things that you that you want them to do. They'll
• 20:21
  let you do things for them because they're they're interested in having you
• 20:24
  in their circle. So my free gift is how to be
• 20:28
  fascinating, and then we have a little course behind that. But, really, if
• 20:31
  you if you just download the free gift, you're gonna you're gonna be
• 20:35
  10 steps ahead going into next year. So so that makes it that makes
• 20:39
  it really easy in terms of what actionable steps you can take.
• 20:43
  Download the course and pick out a couple of ways to be fascinating. And
• 20:47
  and and, again, not every one of them will fit you.
• 20:51
  Right. I mean, I was I was You might already do 3 out of the
• 20:54
  10. Like, you might already have them. Yeah. It's funny
• 20:58
  because apparently this month, my my catchphrase is you're only a tweak
• 21:01
  away. Flipping love it. Do you know
• 21:05
  the name of my workshop was using your
• 21:09
  unique power to attract your best clients. Right?
• 21:13
  I was like, it's not quite right. And so I flipped it and
• 21:16
  said, attract your best clients
• 21:20
  using your unique power because that's what people want is they want and
• 21:24
  and I got a message on LinkedIn where somebody signed up and said, how
• 21:28
  could I not go to this workshop? I'm like, a tweak away. Right?
• 21:32
  So now I'm waiting on something to make me fascinating.
• 21:35
  You know? Yeah. Title fascinating, but I'm not salesy. So I don't like
• 21:39
  that, you know, find the magic or, you know,
• 21:43
  whatever. That's not me. I'm, you know, I'm a process person. So I wanna you
• 21:47
  know? So I'm looking at words like effortlessly. You know, that kind
• 21:51
  of word of 2024 was ease.
• 21:55
  Ease. Ease is a good word. I like ease. Yeah. So so aside
• 21:58
  from downloading and and and and and patting yourself on the back for the
• 22:02
  things you are already doing, picking up some things that
• 22:06
  picking up some things that you're not doing. Right?
• 22:10
  What would be the other thing? You know, as part of
• 22:13
  that, I'll have a link. You can you can give me a call or schedule
• 22:17
  some time with me. I'd love to talk to you about how you're gonna communicate
• 22:20
  with your with your audience this year and whether or not there's a way
• 22:24
  that that I can either give you some insight in how you might do that
• 22:27
  better or connect you with someone who can help or talk about
• 22:31
  some how a magazine or or a podcast would would fit
• 22:35
  in for you. And so, first of all,
• 22:39
  all that information is gonna be in the notes. This is a generous
• 22:42
  offer. And I think, you know, one of the things that I say to
• 22:46
  people is
• 22:49
  whatever you're doing to connect, you need to do it consistently so
• 22:53
  people know what to expect and they know
• 22:57
  where to find you. If every day you decide you're gonna do something
• 23:00
  different, totally different than you've ever done before, you know, you go with your
• 23:04
  gut, then unless your clients are psychic, it's like you've got a a
• 23:08
  mobile store that you keep moving around and sell different
• 23:11
  things. They'll never know where to find you. They'll never know what you're
• 23:15
  selling. But nobody can refer you. That takes.
• 23:19
  I'm sorry. Say that again? That takes a lot of energy too. Yeah.
• 23:23
  But nobody can refer you either, and referrals are like gold.
• 23:28
  They're the thing. You know? So alright. Here's
• 23:32
  here's my my my question. When was the last time you did something new for
• 23:35
  the first time? Oh, let me tell you what I did this week, Yvonne. My
• 23:39
  dishwasher stopped working. I took it apart,
• 23:44
  did the little hoses underneath the thing, unplugged it, and
• 23:48
  put it back together again. That is different.
• 23:52
  Right? But let me tell you. I am not like,
• 23:56
  I'm I'm moderately handy, but I'm not, like,
• 24:00
  build a new dishwasher handy. It was fantastic,
• 24:04
  and I'm very proud of myself. Well, I'm amazed that
• 24:08
  I'm amazed that you did it because, you know, that's not that's
• 24:11
  not my shtick at all. Right? That's funny. Yep.
• 24:16
  So alright. I you know, I think that we could probably talk
• 24:20
  forever on this because we have a lot of things the same and, you know,
• 24:24
  yet we have enough of a a difference that we can sign a different
• 24:27
  perspective on it. If you guys do not take
• 24:31
  this free gift and a chance to talk to Jill, you're really
• 24:35
  shortchanging yourself. And and my other my other new
• 24:38
  statement is, if you're afraid to talk to me, if you're
• 24:42
  afraid to talk to Jill, how are you gonna talk to your clients?
• 24:46
  I think I think it's it's one of those things where, you know, we
• 24:49
  always feel like we're not ready. I I what am
• 24:53
  I gonna talk about? But the thing is,
• 24:57
  just talking about your business is gonna make you better. The more
• 25:01
  people you talk about with your business, the better you're gonna be at letting
• 25:05
  people know what you do. So consistency, I think, makes
• 25:09
  it easier, and it makes you more you have more bandwidth
• 25:13
  to be fascinating. You do. Yeah.
• 25:16
  Okay. So our time is up. So
• 25:20
  I have to I have to close this out. So as a first
• 25:23
  step, I want people to subscribe, share, and engage in the
• 25:27
  podcast on social media. One of the reasons that I do this
• 25:31
  is so I want you to meet other people that can supercharge your business through
• 25:34
  connection. And it's my way of trying to build a vibrant
• 25:38
  community and help you fuel your quest for growth and impact. So I
• 25:42
  hope you will join me for the One Small Change and see some of the
• 25:45
  other podcasts that are out there and see that even the smallest
• 25:49
  shift, like I said, a tweak, can yield monumental transformations.
• 25:54
  And if you haven't listened to the first episode to see what I'm about, you
• 25:57
  should do that. So what are your last words? What are your words of wisdom
• 26:01
  to take away? The most beautiful things
• 26:05
  are not perfect. I like
• 26:08
  it. I like it a lot. And by
• 26:12
  being not perfect, it makes it unique. It's unique.
• 26:16
  It's the pressure's off. It can just be
• 26:20
  there in the world being beautiful. And that's true for us.
• 26:24
  It's true for our businesses, and it's true for our relationships. The
• 26:28
  most beautiful things in life are not perfect. Fantastic.
• 26:31
  Okay, guys. Now we really have to end. So, as I
• 26:35
  said earlier, remember the change is simple, but it's not always easy.
• 26:39
  And it requires resilience and courage and a willingness
• 26:43
  to step out of your comfort zone, which can sometimes be very messy.
• 26:46
  So join me again on the next small change, the one small change,
• 26:50
  and I will see you next time. So until then, please
• 26:54
  stay curious. Bye.