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90: Insider Tips from Top Business Experts - Rudi Riekstins, Kristy Kuhl & Michelle Rios · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:14
  Welcome to the 100 Life Podcast, where we delve deep into the strategies that forge success from the fires of challenge. I'm your host, Kelly Siegel, and today we're joined by three masters of the corporate arena, renowned CEO business coaches who specialize in transforming challenges into triumphs. They're here to share the unique insights and top strategies for leading effectively. Thank you.
• 0:36
  making bold decisions and navigating the complex world of business leadership. Get ready to uncover the secrets that propel CEOs to the top of their game. Let's dive in. But first, let me introduce you, Christy Kuhl.
• 0:48
  Michelle Rios and Rudy Ricksteins. Thanks for making the trip to this fabulous studio. For those of you that are not watching, I suggest you head right over to YouTube and see our digs, man. We're in Dallas for Amberlee's event, and you guys made a special trip, and I love it, and I appreciate you very much. Thanks for having us. Yes, thanks for having us on.
• 1:11
  So today, I just had to use this as an absolute freaking treat for everybody. So today, we're going to kind of use me as a blueprint. It's the playbook or blueprint, so to speak, of becoming a CEO. And then once you become a CEO, how do you become a better, more successful, more impactful CEO, especially given these different times that we're in now? So we're going to start it off with what...
• 1:40
  Do you consider the cornerstone of a successful CEO's daily routine? And I'm going to start right with you, Christy. Systems. Systems. Boom. Yeah. Personal systems for themselves as well as systems for the organization.
• 1:54
  Wow, that went freaking deep right off the bat. You know, I can tell you, harder than life, I make all the wrong decisions, and I didn't have any system. I went wrong it, and it wasn't until I broke everything down and implemented systems, and now we're doing more and more and more systems. That's how you scale, so that's a great answer.
• 2:13
  Rudy, how about you? I'm going to add to what Christy just said because if you wake up every single day and you don't know who you are and where you're aspiring to get to, you're never going to get to where you want to go. And my estimates are that 98% of people live a life by default. They're reacting to situations and circumstances. Right.
• 2:28
  And if you're going to wake up in the morning and not know what it is you want to have, be, do, and or achieve, then you're going to be living a life where you are reacting to situations and circumstances. So when you walk into your day, you're not planning your day. And so I'm going to really go back to how do you wake up? Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the world? And what are the systems you're utilizing to prepare you to be the best you?
• 2:47
  So systems, work on yourself. Michelle? I'm gonna build on what Rudy just said and say you need time in solitude. And this is a tough one for me because most CEOs spend a lot of time in solitude just based on the level that they're at and the work they do. But having time to really clear your mind, know what you're gonna focus on in the course of that day,
• 3:10
  and know how to activate requires quiet time and just really getting to know what the course of the day is going to bring. And frankly, letting everything that happened the day before go, which is a tough one. Live in daytight compartments, rest and recharge. Where have you been all my life? I thought go, go, go, go, go was it. And I have a pretty large following of 15 to 25 year olds. And I want you to listen to this question.
• 3:38
  you guys get your notepad. How can CEOs balance the pursuit of professional success with personal happiness? I've said a thousand times to each one of you guys. I say this on their, was other happiness or money doesn't make you happy. Happiness will make you money. How do they balance that success? We'll start where, how do we balance that Rudy?
• 4:00
  You know, I'm going to speak straight into the question, but I want to do it from the lens of who's listening. And you just said you have a large audience, which is young children who are in their 20s, you know, under their 20s wanting to aspire to be CEOs or wanting to create an impact in their life. And I want to speak to the 15-year-old version of me who would never sit down and talk about his feelings, who wasn't open to journaling or to meditation or to being mindful or to pouring into himself.
• 4:25
  He was doing everything that he thought would give him validation. He would do all the things that he thought everybody else wanted to do. And so I want to share something that I read recently. There was a survey or a study done with 100 billionaires, and there was only one thing that every single one of them all did, self-made billionaires.
• 4:40
  There was only one thing. Now, there were many things that they did, but only one thing that every one of them did, and that was journal. And if you can think about the act or the practice of journaling, why am I feeling this way? Where am I wanting to go? What am I wanting to achieve? Who do I want to be? And writing out the answers, that is where you find the clarity in who it is that you want to be. And if I could have done that at 15 years old, man, I would have saved myself 20 years of pain and suffering and struggle and heartache and
• 5:06
  trying to do all the things to be successful when in reality at 15 I was already as successful as I ever wanted to be because I had the happiness potential in me, but I wasn't living to the potential because I was focusing on all the wrong things. Same question to you, Christy. Yes, absolutely. So to build on the beautiful message that Rudy just mentioned, self-awareness is everything. And the exercise that you started to walk them down I think is one of the best exercises is uncovering what emotions you're feeling at the time. I think that's the easiest way.
• 5:36
  To figure out how you're feeling and to have the self-awareness. Taking that a step further, one of the things that I see for people when I go into the organizations is where are they spending their time? And are they spending their time on the activities that you talked about?
• 5:51
  So I think, again, speaking to the audience of 15- and 20-year-olds, you're going to have to do things that you don't necessarily enjoy doing to get the ball across the finish line as you're building yourself and you're building your business. But once you get to that point and you are CEO, where are you delegating? And how can you get 75% of your time to be spent on the areas that are your zone of genius? Because if you can stay of your zone of genius –
• 6:17
  and delegate the things out of your zone of incompetence, your zone of competence, and even the zone of excellence, that's usually where people get stuck. Then the happiness, you feel that all the time. And the day goes by and you have no idea that the whole day went by. You didn't eat all day because you're doing all the activities, to Rudy's point, that really make you happy and fulfilled. Journaling, needle moving, working on the things that matter.
• 6:41
  Michelle, we're back to you. Yeah. Bring it home. I think I'm going to make them very happy because there's two things that you need to do, in my opinion. And one is for everything that you can identify that brings you joy, you need to spend time doing it. The happiness factor is really once you identify what brings you joy in your life.
• 6:59
  and you spend time doing more of that, that is going to equate to how happy you are in your life. And it is completely up to you. The second piece of that is for everything that you identify that brings you joy, you also need to identify the thing that you're going to be disciplined about.
• 7:15
  And I always say the balance between joy and discipline is really where the happy life resides. Because when you are taking care of yourself, you are eating right, you're getting enough sleep, you're journaling, writing down goals makes goals more attainable and achievable in a quicker amount of time. So I'm a very big fan of that. But you really do need to carve out what brings you joy. If you look at those people that are most successful in the world...
• 7:41
  They have hobbies. They are not only doing their work. They read voraciously. They're equestrians. They are part of a competitive sport. They do things. And that's an important part of building out your life. And I'll tell you right now, the old mantra of...
• 7:58
  well, it's work, so it doesn't have to be fun, is gone. That's an old school way of thinking. If you're going to spend most of your life working, find something that you do enjoy doing, there still needs to be discipline. And I think that that's the balance between things that will keep you disciplined and healthy and clear-minded along with things that bring you joy and will move the needle for you. That's what you need to be thinking about.
• 8:24
  The people that I watch and that I resonate to are the people that you can't tell if they're working or playing. But I'm going to one-up what all you said. And I just put a post up about this the other day is I would tell people to work as much on their personal growth and personal development and personal improvement as they do on their job.
• 8:45
  Because it's just a loss, especially in this digital world we live in. You're going to get, when you achieve, look at my social media, when you achieve some sort of success, they're gunning for you. You got to be, like one time my social media guy said, are you okay? And I'm like, why? And he goes, have you seen your comments?
• 9:04
  It takes thick skin and it's no matter how much work there's every once in a while that one gets through and hurts. So twice as much work on your mind and your body as you do on your job. That's what I think. I'm going to come right back to you. Can you share? I know this answer and I just love that I'm coming to you. Can you share a pivotal moment that transformed your approach to leadership?
• 9:27
  Oh, goodness. There's so many. And the reality is every decade brings a new one. But I will tell you this. I was, and I'm not going to show the one you think. Okay. So I was a young mom juggling being married, toddlers, and I was traveling the world. And I remember trying to pretend that I wasn't a mother when I was at work, that that part of me didn't exist.
• 9:49
  And that I was still as competent and strong a leader as anyone who didn't have kids because I felt like that's how I had to keep competitive. And finally, the CEO pulled me aside one day and said, female CEO, the next time you come in, bring your son.
• 10:08
  And I remember going, what? What are you talking about? She's like, he's an integral part of who you are. And because you're a mother, you bring a new nuance to your leadership style and what you do than previously. And we want all of you. We don't want just part of you. Yeah.
• 10:24
  That changed everything for me because what I didn't realize is I wasn't showing up authentically. I was showing up with a mask every day saying, this is Michelle, the leader, the senior vice president that has all the numbers and these clients love her. She's a CEO whisperer.
• 10:39
  And then I got to show up as my whole self. I'm a new mom and I'm someday struggling. And my child just took my blackberry and put it in the toilet because he knew it was time for me to be done. And it became just so much more joyous for me to not hide that part of me, to bring my full self into the work arena. And frankly, by doing that, I gave everybody else permission to do that.
• 11:03
  That's a great answer. I want to tell you something, deviate for just a second. I haven't seen you in person in a while. There's a glow about you and a quiet confidence that I love. Whatever you've been doing and eating and doing, keep doing it because I just adore you. And ladies and gentlemen, she said the CEO whisperer, that is exactly what she is. So listen to her when she speaks because big companies and big CEOs do. Same question to you, Christy.
• 11:28
  Can you repeat the question? Pivotal moment that transformed your approach to leadership. I probably know where you're going to go with this too. You do? I don't know. She threw that one through by me. That was a good one. I like that one. Yeah. You know, the one that comes to mind with me, I was young in leadership, and I was in a male-nominated cutthroat medical device company, and we had big numbers to hit.
• 11:52
  And somehow I was just able to figure it out when I was a sales rep. But as a manager, when I was taking the same approach, I realized that some people couldn't get it across the finish line. And I thought it was we hired the wrong people. I thought I had the wrong people on the team. But this is where, again, I talk a lot about systems. I was not coaching and developing them the right way, and I was not showing them how to do things. Right.
• 12:18
  So the most pivotal moment for me as I was rising young in leadership was the five-step coaching model and going, okay, you know, I know how to do this and everybody else knows how to do this. But why do I keep telling this person? I keep telling them. I keep telling them. I keep demonstrated over the phone. But why can't they do that? Why can't they have success? And so peeling that back and going, okay, well, I have to tell them.
• 12:39
  I have to show them. Then I have to let them try. I have to observe and I have to give feedback. That's really how you get duplication over time. And I, I let a couple people go to be honest, because I thought I hired the wrong people. I'd stopped at the telling them. I didn't show them.
• 12:55
  Is it correct to say that you kind of looked at yourself and didn't, no more pointing one finger away and you noticed the three that are pointing right? That's good stuff. I'm going to switch one on you because this just came to me. Two women went back to back, female women.
• 13:11
  I want to say sexism, but in effect, talking about back-to-back women, they both commented on how it's more of a challenge to be a woman. Do you see that when you're coaching in the big companies that you're coaching at?
• 13:27
  I do, but it's slightly different because not all sexism is necessarily coming from the external. It's also coming from how we feel about ourselves. And what's interesting is that there are so many women that are in the workplace, and I've got the statistics to share with you, that walk into work every day and they're really hoping that they're not going to get found out that they're a fraud or that they're a fake and that they're…
• 13:47
  pretending to be something they're not qualified to be in the position. And they're holding CEO positions of really big organizations or they're senior vice presidents or presidents of companies. And what's so crazy about that is men walk in feeling exactly the same. And the difference between the number is 8%.
• 14:03
  It's 8% more women. And so it's in the 90s for women and 80s for men. But we're all walking in feeling insecure, unsure of ourselves, not enough. And I want to bring this back for a second because you started the episode really talking about we need to pour into ourselves first. We need to work at ourselves twice as hard as we do at our job. And here's what the value is in what you're saying. And I want to make sure your audience is present to it.
• 14:23
  is that we all have limiting beliefs. We all think and feel a certain way. And how we think and feel about ourselves is how we fall to the information around us. And so if we think we're not good enough or not worthy, we're going to interpret every conversation from the lens of they think I'm unworthy, but you're actually feeling unworthy.
• 14:39
  And it's going to literally change the 10 million bits of data your brain's going to see every second of every day. And then you're going to walk into a room and you're going to only find and focus in on the 50 bits of data every second out of 10 million that validates that you're not good enough and you're not worthy.
• 14:54
  But if you go into an organization like I do and support the leaders to start to realize that they actually are qualified to be who they are and what they're doing, it changes everything. And then they give permission to their people to be able to create the change. Here's what's really beautiful. And if there's anybody that's listening to this and you lead people, if you can build the self-worth in yourself, and then you can turn around and demonstrate that to your people and teach your teams, how can they show up feeling validated? Because everyone, like 91% of women are all showing up feeling like they're not good enough and...
• 15:24
  80% of men are walking and feeling exactly the same way. So that means that's in your team as well. Now, when you as a leader show up feeling validated and that you're good enough and that you're worthy and you give permission to your people to be able to do it, your business grows exponentially because people stop questioning themselves. They start showing up authentically. They stop bringing their children to work. I loved your story so much because, oh my gosh, I wish every leader would do that. I mean, if we only show that one section of this podcast, it's going to change lives. It's beautiful. Yeah.
• 15:51
  I'm going to reiterate what you just said perfectly because I'm going to show you guys how I felt both of those as a man, but didn't say, oh, it's because I'm a man. When I would be a single dad with Ari, I would...
• 16:06
  have to juggle and I would be embarrassed about it because one thing I failed at was marriage. So, but it wasn't until I started bringing Ari in and making her an integral part and actually family is a core value at National Technology Management. So she knows everybody. She knows all of you guys too. She's talked to her. She's talked to you. She's going to talk to you soon. So, and then right now at NTM, we're breaking down
• 16:31
  some sales barriers. And you know what the problem was? Me. I was in the way. And I would say, why can't people just do it this way and do it? And so it really wasn't,
• 16:46
  that a female or a male, it's, we all do feel the same things. And it really, I loved, I just got finished with, uh, Jamie Kern Lima's book, Worthy. If you guys have not read it, right. Such a good one. Can I just follow up on what somebody said? Please do. I was waiting for somebody to do that.
• 17:01
  The self-worth piece is so incredibly important. So there was a point in my career, and I spent more than 25 years in the public relations and marketing agency arena and working with corporate clients. And there came a time where I was a vice president. I was coming up through the ranks. I was working incredibly hard, and I stalled. And I got really frustrated because I was seeing other people get promoted, and I was carrying –
• 17:27
  massive, global, multi-million dollar accounts. And I knew that I was valued, but I was not getting moved up. And finally, they brought in a coach for me. And I was insulted at first because I was like, I don't need a coach. I know what I'm doing. I'm great at my job. People love me.
• 17:46
  And the coach, he was great. We actually left the building, which is good. And he said, you work more than anybody else here, number one. Number two, even though you won't say it because you have a chip on your shoulder, you're probably the most insecure leader I've met ever.
• 18:03
  And I was like taken back because I was like, no, but I project. He's like, your energy does not indicate that because I was thinking I wasn't good enough. They must, I must not be good enough because I'm not moving up. And my energy projected that.
• 18:18
  When I stepped back and he said, what aren't you doing that you need to be doing for you? I wasn't drinking enough water. I wasn't getting enough sleep. I wasn't taking vacations. I wasn't spending time with friends. And he said, that's what you're going to do this week. And that's what you're going to do next week. And we spent months working together. In six months, I got moved up. The next year, I moved up again because I started actually investing in myself and my self-worth
• 18:44
  It skyrocketed. It just completely changed the trajectory of my career. And I had been stalled at vice president for a significant amount of time. And it didn't need to be that way. How old were you during this time? I was in my early 30s. I just wanted to timestamp that for people that...
• 19:03
  But, I mean, that went on for a good chunk of my 30s, most of my 30s. Do you have any touch with that coach by any chance? We're still very good friends because I've had three coaches that have sort of really changed the trajectory of my life. One many, many years ago in my 20s, who you know about, and then this particular gentleman that was really integral in my rise. And then I have a business coach now that I work with.
• 19:31
  Great transition. And this isn't even on here. So one of the things we should talk about is everybody should have a coach and everything. So Christy, what makes you you and why would I come to you for a business coach? And then also what should people be looking for in when they hire a business coach? And it's anything, any coach for that matter, business life, CEO.
• 19:54
  Yeah, well, I'll start with the second question first. I'll answer that one first. You know, I think that you have to, first and foremost, there's a lot of coaches out there. And I'll say that, you know, I led teams for 15 years in the medical device industry. And I could have had any job in any company. I had an incredible reputation. And everybody kept saying when I was transitioning out, I didn't know what I wanted to do.
• 20:14
  but I went to a Tony Robbins event and I realized that if I stay on this path, I would never reach fulfillment because it was the only thing I had capacity to do was work this way. And it was planes, trains and automobiles and high stress and I was never home. And so everybody said, you need to be a coach. And at that time, everybody became a coach. So everybody's getting these certifications. And I had a stigma against it because it was like there was everybody that I met was a broke coach. Nobody had life experience. Nobody had business experience. Nobody had,
• 20:42
  And I didn't want my reputation, you know. When I grew up, like, I wanted the reputation that my dad had. He had great work. He had a great work ethic. People loved him. People loved his energy and his personality. And my name was everything to me. And I thought, I do not want to be a broke coach and be coaching people on things that I don't know.
• 21:01
  So it took me several years to really fall into this and put my stuff out on social media and embrace it. And now I know that I'm one of the best coaches out there. First and foremost, I'm not going to do anything that I don't know. I'm not going to advise you on something that I don't know. A lot of us, we're all saying the same things individually.
• 21:19
  to an extent we're saying it in different ways. So I think first and foremost, you need to find a coach that has testimonials, real testimonials is what I'm getting at. So, you know, what's their credibility? What's the testimonials? What do they help people with? And can they help you? So do they have a path that can get you from where you are to where you're going? Because people do have specialized tracks too. So check that. Also check and see, like, do you resonate with their energy? Some people, like, I can't even stand to listen to them talk on Instagram
• 21:49
  or their voice hits me wrong. But we all have that. And it's like, you know what? Their energy's off or there's something that's coming through here that I just can't listen to what they're putting down. So do a check there as well. And then it's really, to me, it's down to a lot of the basic things too. So the accountability I used to write off. I used to think that everybody should be able to hold themselves accountable.
• 22:16
  I think that everybody should have a coach because you need systems, you need accountability, you need energy, and you should have some sort of community too. So whether you're getting that within your coaching program or outside, you should be around a group of people that all believe in this, that you should have coaches and mentors in your world.
• 22:33
  So the first question, what's your claim to fame? What will you move the needle at the fastest? Like if it's a CEO or a business comes to you, what's your core, your sweet spot, so to speak? I know their next step.
• 22:48
  I know exactly what they do for their next step. And, and, you know, most people are trying to see the finish line and that's where you get stuck is trying to figure out how am I supposed to get from here to here? And what are the 14 steps to get there? You need to take action. And I know what your next step is and that gets you action. And that, that gets me credibility. Very well. Very well. Rudy, what, um, same question to you is, uh, what, what's, what should people be looking for in a coach and what's your sweet spot?
• 23:16
  You know, I don't think that there's a lot that we can add that hasn't already been added on the topic of looking for somebody that's done something. And I think what I want to do is tell you a story. I think people learn best through stories. I was 25 years old. I was looking to invest seven figures in investment portfolios.
• 23:31
  And my bank sent me three bankers to come and sit in my living room and show me different stocks and bonds and things that I wanted to put my money in. And they came over and we sat down and we had coffee and they spoke and spoke and spoke. And at the end, I had heard all they had to say. And I said, I have one question.
• 23:47
  And at the end I was like, how much money do each of you have in what you put in front of me? And then there was a lot of humming and hawing and at the end of the day, none of them had any money in anything that they were coming. And I thanked them for their time and I did not invest with them. The reason I say that is because so many people are so quick to just bring somebody in because somebody is giving them a show. And you said something a moment ago about energy and I live in the world of energy.
• 24:11
  your body already knows if something's meant for you or not. And if you are with somebody and it feels like, wow, you know what? My body feels very expansive right now. My body feels like it's very light and free. I'm excited. Then you should move forward with that person. If your body feels very restrictive, then you should run away because you already know what you should or shouldn't be doing and who you should or shouldn't be doing it with. And you can do that over a phone call, a Zoom call, in person. You can do that off a postcard and even off Instagram.
• 24:38
  We think it's the voice that's irking us, but it's the something behind the person that's doing it. And so we need to lean into that energy more. You asked a beautiful question. And what I do is hold people's highest and greatest potential. And if you asked me what a job title was, I would say I'm an expander.
• 24:56
  And so I go into either an individual's life or into the life of an entire organization, and I expand every single part of the business and or the person. We want to achieve something. So you want to achieve health. You want to achieve wealth. You want to get married. You want to take your company from 100 million to a billion. Whatever it is that you're wanting to do, you have to be able to expand. But what people don't realize is there's fractional growth. And so if you are growing only the business, you're only growing the revenue, you're only growing this well, what about all the other sides of your business that aren't growing? What about all the other sides of your life that you aren't growing? Yeah.
• 25:25
  And if you're only in the gym all day long, but you're not in your business, then it doesn't matter what you're doing because you're not going to have it very long. If you're not pouring into your marriage, like every single area has to have a level of expansion. And so what I do is I go in and I elevate a person up onto a pedestal. I hold them there. I give them the tools, the ability, and the belief that they can stay there until they are strong enough to stay there. And then once they've expanded, they become the example for their people and for their teams. We've gone into businesses with 3,000 people
• 25:55
  We've taught them to expand in their personal capacities. Then we've brought it into the business. Businesses in 12 months have grown from 400 million into the billion mark. We've taken 30,000 person companies and supported them to have the greatest revenue goals they've ever had in a 30 year, 40 year history of the business. And all we do is support people to expand in what they believe is possible in every single area of their life. And that is truly to me the greatest gift is to see somebody living their highest and the greatest potential.
• 26:22
  I don't know where I saw this. Was something, maybe it was on a car. I don't know. You talked about being an energy, was it an energy coach or something? When I'm around you, and I'm sure the ladies here can admit, you just feel good. So we must be in alignment. I didn't say this, but I don't know why I never say this, but I hear it all the time. Some coaches out there.
• 26:44
  are making money being a coach, never ever having done and made any money running a business.
• 26:53
  This is why I laugh. I'm in the room full of greatness, and the only qualification I have is I run a business. I don't know the first thing about coaching, even though I'm going to start coaching. I think the reverse is true. I think you can make it. You do it. You can become a coach. It's like I'm a captain on a boat, so anytime anybody has a boat, they're like, well, Kelly knows how to do it. No matter what the boat is, it could be a little rowboat. It could be a huge 80-foot yacht. They're like, just let Kelly drive it.
• 27:17
  And you know what? I walk on with confidence, no matter what it is, and I just go. So I guess that was just a disclaimer that look at your coach and make sure that they've actually done. You alluded to that where...
• 27:31
  So let me clarify, because I just supported a company to achieve a billion dollars and I'm not worth a billion dollars. And so if they came to me and said, well, we want to hire you to take our company from three, four hundred million to a billion dollars, have you grown your net worth to a billion dollars? Well, the answer is no. I'm not pretending to be. What I'm saying is if you understand the practice and the principles and if you are actually doing the work, you can take it and duplicate it. You can take it and apply it into any area of life and achieve very, very similar results.
• 27:57
  And that's why you can go from your boats to boating and captaining any other boat because you understand the fundamental principles of how to be a captain. And that gut feeling that you're talking about, that intuition is that incongruency of that person projecting. They know that they're full of it. So that's very interesting.
• 28:15
  Well, and I think to his point, too, about the energy and if you feel aligned to it or not, one of the things that I always say is you don't have to know the reason why. Like, I like to say this to the young people, too. Like, you can unpack that stuff later. Like, if it doesn't, if a young woman drives into a grocery store at 10 o'clock at night and a white van with no windows pulls up alongside of her, like, is she going to get out of her car?
• 28:35
  No, it doesn't feel right, right? And you know the reason why, but we still have like the same thing goes off in our body. So if you're with somebody or you're with a coach or a business partner or whatever it is that you're vetting out and you're like, I just can't put my finger on this, but something doesn't feel right, give yourself permission to walk away from that. You can unpack it later and it may take you years to figure out, you know, what your brain was Rolodexing and your body giving you that signal to say this is not right.
• 29:01
  I just want to go one step further on the energy piece because this is really important. I don't care how credentialed a coach may be when you're looking for somebody to work with. I do think they need to have experience in the industry that you're in, either having worked themselves or being familiar with how it works.
• 29:18
  operate so that they can advise. But the key work of a coach is not to be a consultant. It is to ask the questions because we are trying to tap into the greatest and highest potential of the individual and pull it out of them, right? By asking these deep questions. One of the key things that I have found, the people who have hired me have not hired me because I had a degree, an MBA here and a degree from here and I'm credentialed from there.
• 29:47
  Although I am, it's because what's going on with you, that energy about you, that just feels good and I want to be aligned with that. That's been the greatest referral pipeline for me is investing in my own growth because that is what other people are looking for.
• 30:05
  And when we're talking about CEOs and leaders, these are some of the loneliest people you're gonna find on the planet with the exception of you, because, particularly big companies, because there are very few people that they can actually share what's happening with on a daily basis. So being in that space with them, holding the space for them to be a sounding board and often like a mirror and reflect for them,
• 30:31
  is probably one of the most important jobs we have as coaches because most of them have all the answers. They don't know how to unpack them yet. And our job is to help excavate where some of these answers might come. It's not necessarily to say, hey, that acquisition that we are reading about in the paper, that might be a good thing for your company to do. Now, they might end up doing that based on the work we help them do. But a lot of the work is actually internal work, helping to get out of them the best of what they already have.
• 31:01
  I'm not gonna be gonna have to tell people to share this episode. This is masterclass. I am grateful for you guys to take the time out of this. And I got to tell you that I wish... So you said holding space. And you know me and the personal development. Holding space is huge. Because if you give me one thing through my whole life, I know the answers. I just need to clutter, declutter some of the things. So if you just said...
• 31:26
  How many times have I called you and I asked you a question and by the time I get the question out, I said, I already have the answer. I just had to hear myself and I needed to not be bothered. So holding space and having a sounding board is paramount in the coaching. I'm going to tell you, I made every freaking wrong decision, but somehow I ended up here and learn.
• 31:48
  from other people's mistakes. Don't learn from your own mistakes. I mean, you learn from them too, but don't make as many because there's other CEOs out there. There's other bosses. There's other entrepreneurs out there that have made these mistakes. They're not new. I've done it. I went out and partied like a rockstar or making more money than I knew what to do with and thought I'd made it. I didn't make anything. So, which leads me to the next question. And I'm still gonna give you your shot because I'm gonna save you for the last because yours is very special.
• 32:18
  of how you've come to where you are today. Emotionally intelligent, emotional intelligence is huge. They call it EQ nowadays. How important is emotional intelligence in today's CEO leadership toolkit, Rudy? Yeah.
• 32:34
  75% of the human population is suffering chronic stress more than 75% of the time. And those are the latest numbers coming out of COVID. So what I want people to understand is they hear that 75% of every single person who walks out of their house for 75% of the day, which is every waking minute of every day that they're awake.
• 32:50
  They're in a heightened state of chronic stress. When you're in a heightened state of chronic stress, you have emotions that are being dumped into the body. Your brain's firing erratic thought impulses. Every time your brain has erratic thought impulse, it produces another emotion. The emotion goes into the body. The body infiltrates every cell of the body and you lose the ability to be logical. You lose reason. You lose inspiration, intuition. You lose creativity. You essentially lose yourself. You are walking around aimlessly reacting to life and you are no longer in control of who you want to be, where you want to go, and all you need to do,
• 33:19
  is wait 60 seconds because that's how long an emotion lasts inside the human body. So if you can hold your breath, take in a deep breath, hold your breath, look out the window, stare at a flower, talk to a friend, but just not be involved in whatever's causing the stress, the anxiety, the reaction in you, the stress will pass, the emotion will pass. The left and the right brain will fire again. You'll have logic and reason, inspiration, intuition, and then you'll be able to think through what it is that you're wanting to do.
• 33:43
  And so that's why I'm such an advocate for people understanding their emotional state, understanding their brain, because when you understand it, you take back your power, you take back your life. Emotional intelligence is not just a thing that is a cool thing that we should be doing right now. It is the single biggest driver in human behavior.
• 33:59
  Because right now you're being controlled by your emotions and you're having 50,000 thoughts a day. And every one of those thoughts are being reacted to based on an emotional impulse that's going into the body. And you don't know why you've been the way that you are. You don't know why you feel the way that you feel. You don't know why you keep doing the thing that you want to do and you want to stop doing and you just keep doing it. And it's because you're not in control of your emotions. Respond versus react. And that's why I go back to the...
• 34:26
  work on yourself more because that reaction is usually some trauma, some triggers, something that has to be addressed with. How often are you seeing emotionally, I want to say unstable, but how much do you see emotion being a challenge from a, from a, from a boss ascension in to becoming a better boss?
• 34:52
  So look, I'm in the inner sanctum, so I hear it all, right? Like that they might not be necessarily expressing it outwardly, but I'm the safe space. So I hear a lot of what's going on and what their concerns are, what their fears are. I would say, look, a lot of the times, a lot of the work I end up doing is how much fun have you had this week?
• 35:16
  How can we lighten this? This is heavy. How can we lighten this? Because one of the things we get really caught up in is being the protagonist in our lives. And what I really want our, you know, all of us, but leaders in particular to be able to do is step back and be the observer of their life and understand all of the things that are happening. Like we talked about, um...
• 35:41
  Unfortunately, sometimes business deals don't go well and the consequences are tough. But I always go back to the Winston Churchill quote, which is, success is not final and failure is not fatal. Keep going, right? Usually out of these tumultuous times is when the rebuild happens. And this is a pattern, not only in business, but it's in life. If you think about it, when something bad happens, tragedy strikes, or there's a loss, or,
• 36:11
  there's a relationship that breaks up or what have you. It's this big valley. And then what? It's the build back up. It's like this in everything we go through. So if the leader can hang in and get through the emotional space that we need to hold for them, it might be 10 minutes to get through that. But for me, they might just need to get it off their chest.
• 36:33
  And once it's off their chest, it's gone, it's released, but it's been bugging them for three days and we weren't talking until then. A lot of the time, it's just being able to talk to somebody about what they're feeling and giving them permission to say, so you feel that, there's nothing wrong with feeling what you feel, feel the feeling, but now what are you going to do about it? Be the observer.
• 36:57
  Don't try to be the protagonist in every scene of your business and life. Sometimes we need to let some things pass before we act, before we make our move. And that's okay. There's a lot of, I got to make a quick decision, people in our worlds. And slowing them down a little bit is usually one of the most beneficial things we can do. Just slow down just a little bit.
• 37:22
  I've always said life is a roller coaster, and if it's not, it's flatline and we're dead. So, yeah, the ups and downs are everything. I'm going to deviate a little bit, Chrissy, for you is...
• 37:36
  When you walk into an entrepreneur, an owner, a boss, whoever you're going to coach, and you obviously see that this is an emotional issue. And in fact, inherently, if it's an emotional issue, it's not like they go, yep, you pegged it. It's emotional. What is the tool or routine that you're going to do with that person to...
• 38:01
  to try to get them emotionally regulated and or emotionally intelligent to be able to respond and not react. Yeah, well, I think it's bigger than just like a one answer. Initially, if they're heightened for a certain reason, I think this is one of the number one reasons why a coach is so helpful.
• 38:26
  And the value that I provide is I don't have any emotion involved in your business. When I'm done with this coaching call, I love you and I respect you and I want the best for your business. But I don't have any emotions and history tied with these people. So I can see things as nothing but intelligence and logic.
• 38:42
  So when they come to me and I can provide that sense of calm and I ask them, we're just question answers. We just allow them to find the answers within themselves and remove the emotion. So it's really important to ask the right questions that have nothing to do with emotion.
• 39:00
  Now, that's to diffuse a situation. So for me, you know, I have people that hire me, then I have people that pay extra to have on-call access when they have these issues. So if they're calling me to diffuse or it's their scheduled coaching call, you know, my goal is to ask them the right questions that bring them back to logic and decision based off of the outcome that we're looking for. Nothing about the person, nothing about what's going on at home with them, their history.
• 39:24
  Now, my goal is to help them arm themselves with the skills and resources to do this so you don't have to call me every time. And a big piece of that is boundaries. So you have to, you know, as you rise up to be CEO, what I find is, you know, my clients will hire me at 7 million, then they go to 14 million, then they go to 21 million. Now, the organization just scaled.
• 39:47
  at a very rapid pace, but a lot of the people were the ones that you guys were working in the living room together. The Jamie Kern Lima stories where you're doing everything, the grit, the kids are there, the everything, and you're letting something slide and you're emotionally invested, but sometimes what got you there isn't going to get you, got you here isn't going to get you there and you have to make decisions and they have to grow and they have to come up with you as well.
• 40:10
  at some point you have to put boundaries in place and protect your energy. So, you know, we can work on the things. And what Rudy said about in the moment, I think, is an absolutely beautiful exercise that everybody should be able to have in their back pocket to go to. But let's unwind all of that and go, okay, well, like, how much sleep are you getting at night? What are you eating every single day? Are you nourishing your body? Are you having the fun? Are you able to get the rest? Yeah.
• 40:36
  You know, when you come into a meeting, do you know how to run a meeting? Are you telling people what to do? Is there any accountability? I mean, there's so many ways to do this so that, again, when you are out in your business, it's business. It's not the emotion. And, you know, you pop back in. CEO is a lonely place. A business owner is a lonely place because a lot of these people are your friends. But you can't do that and run the company at the same time.
• 41:02
  Your brilliance and genius just radiates. I could just sit here and listen to you for hours because it's a master class. I will tell you what got you here will keep you there. So if you're going to the next level, different levels require different levels. I was driving over with Michelle and I'm like –
• 41:19
  I am becoming a whole different person because we're trying to go into that eight and nine figures. And it's requiring a total different person. And I will tell you, go back to what he said. It is lonely. There's a lot of times I journal. You said it, and I meant to say it earlier. Journaling allows me to get the things off my chest that are just important to me and nothing else. And you guys get pieces of it because I got access to all you. I'm lucky. I'm grateful for that.
• 41:47
  But that was that was great. I want to we're going to go back into how. It's funny how I was going. I'm sorry. My brains are going all a mile a minute. What I was thinking is how freaking funny is it that life, business and relationships and even romantic. They're so alike standards, boundaries, accountability.
• 42:12
  Emotional intelligence. These are all things that we can use interchangeably, whether it be in a personal relationship, a romantic relationship, a business relationship. It's just a relationship. And then even yourself relationship.
• 42:26
  Just find it keep coming back the more you're the you're your best investment and spend a way on it. So how one of the biggest things about me is being accountable. So how does it should a CEO or an entrepreneur evaluate their own performance and health of the business effectively? Yeah.
• 42:44
  I guess I should start with Rudy because the ladies have been talking so much. I love it. They're brilliant, isn't it? I feel like the dumbest person here. I usually am. But the one thing I don't lack is I got the gusto and I follow through with what I'm going to say. But you're the prettiest person here. I wish. I wish. I got a view of you on the side of my life. I'm the luckiest guy here by far. So thank you. Again, back to you.
• 43:10
  I'm gonna take that opportunity to say thank you for having me in this room because there's obviously incredible genius sitting at each corner of the table. You asked a question, I want really people to think about the value of
• 43:25
  Of really what all we're saying here and how we get to show up each and every single day. And the higher up you go as a leader, the smaller your circle becomes and the less people you have to talk to. And the more you feel like you can't be wrong and you have to be right and you have to charge forward.
• 43:40
  And none of that is true. And we know that that's the case because that's why all of these different platforms like YPO exists because that's a place for people to go and say, man, I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I'm failing here or I lost this. My marriage is falling apart and there's somebody to listen to and support you. But there's tremendous value in turning around and asking the people above you, below you and alongside of you, man, how am I doing? My wife and I have a practice that we do every single Sunday. We got this from a book and we read so often. I don't even remember the book.
• 44:10
  Every Sunday I walk into the kitchen or the living room or outside and I'll say to my wife, how can I be a better husband? Like one to 10, like where am I and what do I need to do to be better?
• 44:21
  And then she'll ask me the same question and not directly after I've asked her the question. And she'll ask, and it's typically a Sunday, you know, what did I do this week? Where did I, where did I drop the ball? Where did I lose? And sometimes I'll be like, you know, you traveled a lot this week. I didn't hear from you as much. You know, I know you were busy, but I kind of missed you. And then she's like, got it. So you just want a little more time. And it's having those conversations where you don't allow the resentment to grow and to build over time.
• 44:42
  or you don't allow somebody to create a story around a scene or a situation over an extended period of time. But you know what? That also works in business. And in business, I go to my team all the time and I say to them like, man, how am I doing? Like, how can I be better? Sometimes it's saying like, hey, could you give me some more space? Or hey, could you support me here more? Or could you pay more attention to this thing that I'm doing? Or hey, you were really abrasive yesterday. Did you mean that? And creating, and you used a word earlier that I want to point out, Kelly, and that was create a safe space.
• 45:12
  We all have to create safe spaces. Every single place we go is create a safe space for people. But if you're the leader and you think that you need to know everything, man, you are not the smartest person in the room then. Because if you walk into the room and you say, hey, I am bringing the smartest people in and I wanna learn and grow and I have value and brilliance. But in addition to that, I'm also open to feedback. And if we take the feedback and then apply that feedback, that's where we get the growth and everybody else gets the benefit from it.
• 45:40
  But I want to anchor something because we're talking about business. We're talking about leadership. We're talking about CEOs. We're talking about people that are 15 to 20 aspiring to grow. We're talking about people already growing in life. Man, none of this means anything if we're not learning and growing. And if we're not taking what we're learning and growing every single day and applying to our lives and becoming better because we go to work for a paycheck. I totally get that. But in reality, we go to work to create an impact.
• 46:01
  And we go home to create an impact and we go to the grocery store to create an impact. And every moment of every day, even the person I sat next to on my flight this morning, every moment is a divinely orchestrated moment that is preparing us for the person we get to become. And sometimes it's in being the better person. Sometimes it's saying, man, I don't know, or I'm wrong, or I'm right, or how can I do this better?
• 46:20
  hey, I've got feedback and experience of you. And in every one of those moments that we call hard moments or hard conversations or conflict situations are just beautiful opportunities for healing and growth. And I'm going to implore every single person. I don't care if you are, you know, the butler or whether you were the CEO or whether you're the bellman or the doorman, your responsibility is to lead. And if you lead with the highest and the greatest potential of who you can be, you're teaching everybody around you to lead. And that's the only way to rise all ships.
• 46:48
  I, I, microphone dropped out. I wanted to say, you're just beautiful. I am amongst, I just, I love this. This is great. Thank you again. I wanted to highlight something you just said, how, how we get to show up. Most people wake up in the morning and they're like, oh, I gotta go to work. I have to.
• 47:08
  We get to, man. We get to. Every single day above ground is a good day. There's people, what do they say? You think you're having a bad day? Imagine not having a day. Yeah.
• 47:20
  Wow. You said another thing. I don't have, I would be the first person to tell you, I don't have all the answers. I never have any answers. But what I am fearless about doing is taking the next step. I just know I'm going to make one more step. And at some point, we'll have to make a decision. And we just have to make that decision. I don't have to make a decision that's the final decision. Just got to make the next decision. So it's just take that next step. So that was beautiful.
• 47:48
  I'm going to start, I'm going to go to you. Okay. Again, how do CEOs and entrepreneurs measure their own performance effectively?
• 47:58
  I mean, look, one of the first things we need to do is put things down in writing because I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations in hallways about plans and ideas. And the goalposts are completely moving all the time. And that's not fair to teams. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to people you work with. The other piece of it is, and so going back and saying, look, where have things changed now?
• 48:21
  And let's be honest, is this still the goal or not? Because it's really hard to evaluate progress if we have a completely changing goalpost week to week or month to month. And that happens, particularly with, I think, businesses that are like startups. This happens a lot. This happens with solopreneurs that then all of a sudden have a team of eight and 10 and then 20. Yeah.
• 48:43
  One of the things that I often say is, are you asking people what they need? Because as the CEO or as the leader, we have to stop thinking like we're the smartest person in the room. And hopefully you're hiring people that will challenge you, that will bring counsel to you.
• 49:01
  But also, are you investing in mentoring? Because your role is to be the chief cheerleader of the people that you're working with. And I think that's often the mistake of thinking, well, I started the company or I had the first idea. And so I always have to be the one championing innovation. And I always have to be the one with the next best idea. Not necessarily necessarily.
• 49:24
  Hopefully as you grow, the teams will feel empowered to be bringing ideas and growing with you. This is much easier in a bigger company, right? But, you know, I work with a lot of midsize companies and this is a huge growth. Sometimes like there's the point of hitting the wall where the CEO is like, I just don't know what to do. Like they're not listening to me. We're not going in the same direction. And partly is what you have to step back and say, am I willing to?
• 49:54
  to be the chief mentor officer? Am I willing to be the cheerleader of these people and see how I'm bringing the best out of them? Because often they're going to bring ideas that you didn't even have because again, they're coming at this from a different perspective. And oftentimes measuring success should be, if I'm the CEO, how is my team doing?
• 50:17
  How is my team operating? How are they feeling about being in this place? How are clients feel about being under our advisement or working with us? That brings up such a different point as being an owner of a company. I literally...
• 50:34
  I've learned that, I used the Caddyshack line, the world needs ditch diggers too. And that's not, I always thought that that was a knock. But certain people don't want to grow and they're fine. I have a gentleman who's worked for me for 25 years and he grows every year, but he doesn't want to move out of his position. He's going to retire at NTM and that's okay. I used to think that was crazy. What do you mean you don't want to come be the boss?
• 50:56
  So I'm learning, but I want to remind all the listeners that we're talking about big business, but listen, National Technology Management is a small and medium-sized business. So you guys work with everybody who's looking to grow and make an impact. You said solopreneur. It's anybody. I don't care if you're running a small business out of your house, and I don't care if you're just starting a paper route. I mean, these systems work.
• 51:21
  And processes and routines and habits and rituals, everything we're talking about works for no matter what you're doing, which is I'm going to save that last this question for you last because I'm sure you're going to go. Everybody starts off when they're starting their company. And I need letterhead. I need I need to have my website up. I need others. What systems do you see in place that that that CEO or a solopreneur or a business owner would need to put into place that is a vital so they can measure everything.
• 51:51
  Am I doing well? Because everybody thinks, oh, I had a great business meeting. Nobody ever looks at a meeting and go, man, I bombed. Well, I do, actually. I bombed that one. Wow, I put my foot in my mouth. And I used to write it down. And I would say, what did I do? What did I say up there? I'm an aberration.
• 52:07
  What if you're walking in system because you're a system person and I love that. I need more systems. What system would you put in place? Would you recommend somebody put in place to hold themselves accountable and measure true growth as a CEO or an owner or a business? Yeah. Well, I, you know, I think that I'm a big, I'm a big fan of smart goals and setting a smart goal. So, you know, I. Wait, wait, wait.
• 52:33
  Tell people what smart goals are. Yeah. So it's a specific, measurable, attainable, real-time, timely goal, realistic and timely goal. And so instead of just saying like, well, we're going to grow our sales this year, it's like, well, we're going to grow our sales by 14 million by July 30th. So it's specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-sensitive. So you put a time frame. We're going to do it this year. Yeah, you put a time frame. Yeah. Love it.
• 52:59
  But here's the thing that a lot of people like, like, and for your business, I know you want to grow like, so now we reverse engineer it. Right. So all the way down to the day. So how many sales calls do we need to make? How many conversations? How many lunches of happy clients do I need to do this week to look for referrals if that's a way? So how are you getting your business now? Can we just do more of that?
• 53:20
  So I'm a big fan of smart goals and then rolling it back. So now every day when I go in, I'm like, okay, this is exactly what I need to do. And if I need to make sales call, I'm going to move that paperclip over. There's one. Okay, there's two. Okay, there's three. If you put in the throughput, you're going to get the results. It's just the way that it goes.
• 53:37
  Now, when life gets busy, when you're a solopreneur and you're doing all these things, sometimes, you know, these things come at you. And this is where boundaries need to be in place and you need to have a plan every day. Stacking wins is incredibly important for confidence. And you need to look for little wins every day. And so if when life goes crazy and you can't get to your, you know, your list of things you need to do...
• 53:58
  What's the most important thing Kelly needs to do today to move the needle forward? So if life gets crazy and when you hit your bed, your head hits the pillow, what's the most important thing that I need to do today? Now, I start off all of my companies with a format of going into a huddle every morning. So if you brought your leaders together and said, okay, well, what's the most important thing you need to get done today, Kelly?
• 54:20
  Right. Well, that's wonderful. Now, what could potentially get in your way? Now you're thinking differently about that. What could potentially get in my way of getting this most important thing done? So that's an easy way to go, okay, let me clear all the smoke. Let me carry all the stuff as a CEO. Everybody's coming to me with problems and I'm the answer and whatever. One thing. And if you do that every day, think about, you know, then how far you move the needle within a five-day time period. That's pretty big. What you just said is the single most important thing.
• 54:49
  thing of business that isn't emotional. It's completely in our, everything's in our control. But what I, that's besides emotional intelligence, besides working on yourself, that's the number one thing. Specific, measurable, attainable, real time, or real, and then timely. Yeah. Every question.
• 55:06
  Whether what you have to do, if you go back and ask against those, will tell you, should you be doing it, should you not? I want you guys to go, if you're thinking about starting a business or you're stuck, go back and ask the question, do you have smart goals? Well, and you just brought up a point that I don't think I covered that I want to make sure people hit. And this is personal and professional too.
• 55:27
  Everything you do, because again, life happens and it's coming at us 100 miles an hour and we got to get groceries and we forgot to get this and we're running over here. Is this thing, when you write out your to-do list, is this getting me closer to my goals? So Michelle's big about goals, me too, write them out. Now is this thing getting me closer to my goals? Now sometimes you have to do it anyway, you have to cook food, that's getting you closer to your goal, you got to eat, you want your body to look a certain way,
• 55:52
  But so it may not be a thing. So some things you're like, no, it's not getting me closer to my goal. I got to take girls night off on Friday or I got whatever it may be. But if you have to do it and it's not like a, you know, right in line with a goal, can I do this faster? Can I outsource this? Can I get my groceries delivered? Like, you know, because time is our most precious resource. So always ask yourself, what am I doing right now? And is it getting me closer to my goal?
• 56:15
  So I'm going to be a little more harsh. We can all be busy doing nothing. Yeah. I went down a rabbit hole watching coaching videos. Sure, do I need to watch those? Yes. But is that really moving my – is that specific measurable – it's not. I need training. I need to learn. But at that very moment yesterday, I actually needed to record content.
• 56:39
  And I didn't get my last video recorded until like 7 o'clock last night. And then I left a half of it done. So again, is this moving the needle? I used to even say, is this putting money in my pocket? Yeah. Literally. Yeah. Because the high-paying activities as a CEO is what you should be doing. Well, we can be busy. Oh, man. I could send a thousand emails that say nothing. All right. We're going to move into my favorite topic, vulnerability.
• 57:05
  How does vulnerability fit into a successful company? And I'm going to start with you, Rudy, because you're the feelings master.
• 57:13
  Every single person on the planet wants one thing. And we think that we want a big house and a trophy husband or wife or we want a yard or a retirement fund or, I don't know, a helicopter in our chalet in Hawaii. But the only thing we really want at the core, every single human is connection. Every single person on the planet wakes up every single day, goes to bed every single night, and the only thing that we really want
• 57:36
  is meaningful connection. And the only way to create a connection is through vulnerability. And so many people, especially leaders, they remove the vulnerability because they go to work and pretend to be a version of something that they're not and they leave the vulnerability at home.
• 57:52
  What I love about you, Kelly, is that you're the first person to poke fun at yourself, which we're going to shift that slightly. But you're the first person to poke at yourself and say, oh, you know, I've made all the mistakes or, oh, you know what, I can goof and I can do that. And that is actually in itself vulnerability and that is a strength. And when you can show up and be okay and be clumsy and point a finger at yourself and not have to pretend to be something that you're not –
• 58:15
  people are connecting with you and people see themselves in you. And then some people like you. And so if they like you, they're actually liking themselves because life is really just a mirror. And every single person and every experience is just mirroring back to you, who you are and how you see yourself. And so the more you are vulnerable and the more connection that you create, the more you allow people to see themselves through you. And so the more people are going to know you, like you and love you.
• 58:36
  And I'm going to tell you now, I never go to bed at night counting dollars. I never go to bed at night thinking about where I'm speaking and what I'm doing next. I reflect back on the people I touched that day. I'm always present in that moment, in that day. And the things that really stand out to me are the conversations I had with people, the moments where somebody cried, somebody got a hug, somebody said thank you, somebody had an honest conversation with me, whatever it is. And it's those moments where we have these interactions as human beings, where we connect as human beings.
• 59:02
  And we put the facade of the business or the money or the title or the talent down. And we're just human beings because at the end of the day, man, that's the only thing that's going to give you the greatest levels of joy, fulfillment, and freedom. That is creating an impact. And the only way to do that is to be who you really are. And that's through vulnerability. So hold on a second. I'm going to, I'm going to come right back at you because you have an eight and a 10 year old and I was flying here today, knowing that I get to see people that I love. And I think you're just outstanding humans and thank you guys again for coming. And, um,
• 59:32
  I was thinking about in my book, I wrote that when I was nine years old, my mother almost killed me. And I pictured when I was getting on the plane this morning, her punching me in the face. And I'm not saying this for, I'm going to get to a story, but she was punching me in the face and the entire time that boy was saying, why, why don't you love me, mom?
• 59:56
  And I just figured if I did this, if I became this big businessman and this person that you got, that everybody would love and respect, she'd love me. And I drank that freaking poison for years. And it wasn't until very recently that I released that.
• 1:00:19
  We can go off on tangents like how I finally did it is if you could you imagine ever hitting your child to the point where I almost died. And then I said, I said, just played a little game and said, you know what? She was doing the best she could with what she had. She was drunk.
• 1:00:36
  She was an alcoholic. It was a problem. But I say that to come to you and ask you to be vulnerable and say, what is your biggest fear? What is your, what is the one thing that keeps you up or that you think about when that you put in your journal? And I'm looking at Christy, sorry. That I'm not going to step into my full potential. That's good. Yeah. And how do you combat that? Take an action.
• 1:01:05
  And boy, do you take action. You were going to say something, Michelle, and I cut you off. I apologize. I just wanted to come back with this. No, no, this is a beautiful share. So I don't want to come off this, but I was just going to say to Rudy's point, I think not only do we need connection, but people want to be understood.
• 1:01:22
  And I think the more they have that permission to be vulnerable and to be their authentic selves, the more likely those helicopters and yachts and other things can be. So I don't want to dismiss this for any of the 15 to 24-year-olds that are thinking, but I might want those things. Then be your most authentic self. Be yourself. The more you show up as yourself, the more you're likely to attract what you want into your life.
• 1:01:46
  Maybe it'll be those things. Maybe it won't. But to be understood by your fellow human is probably one of the best things and feelings in the world, isn't it? When you get the helicopter after you've done that, the helicopter will feel good. It'll feel good. But you can't get the helicopter first and think that's going to fill the void. It doesn't.
• 1:02:06
  But that's what I think is the most beautiful part really when you look at some social media are the people that are actually showing you what it really looks like. Not the filters, like the people that are showing you what does the day-to-day really look like. I feel like for me, I struggled for so long trying to figure out what does it really look like because of the industries that I was in, nobody would tell you. Everybody's lying to each other, everybody's pretending like they're on their boats, they're not working 80 hours a week.
• 1:02:31
  But the people and I and that's why I'm so drawn to the three of you is you tell the real raw stories of this work. This didn't work. This is I'm I'm so tired today. This is what is keeping me up at night. This is what I worried about last night because that that's real life. And there's nobody that's immune from that.
• 1:02:52
  Yeah, there's so much to that. We can go another hour easily on vulnerability. I think it's the coolest thing in the world. When I started being vulnerable and letting my wall down and letting people see my fears, I'm a big guy, but I'm scared. There's times I'm scared.
• 1:03:08
  Now, I would tell you that if I'm scared, that's when I do my best work. But if I run, you guys all better run because we're in a bad situation. But thank you for both of that. And I want to come back to you and ask you to say, what is the one fear or limiting belief holding you back?
• 1:03:28
  Ooh, limiting belief. I was going to say the one fear Chrissy and I share is that I won't have used my gifts to my full potential and that I will not have really 100% come into my fullest. That's probably my biggest fear, that I've been given gifts and I didn't have the confidence
• 1:03:50
  courage to fully step into them that somehow I felt like I was an imposter or not good enough or not worthy enough to follow my dreams. The limiting belief, I think, you know, this is one that we all have and it happens from time to time. I had this earlier in the week with writing my book.
• 1:04:09
  where I was struggling with a section and I was talking with a writing coach and I said, I don't see what happens next in this. And it brought in a flood of concern of like, can I do this? Can I do this thing that I'm set out to do? And she said, you know, Michelle, when we talked first about this, it was going to be hard and somehow now you think it shouldn't be hard, but it is hard and you will keep going.
• 1:04:36
  and you are pioneering something different. This is kind of a different type of book. And she said, so the fear of not being worthy for it when no one else has really done it shouldn't be really a fear. So I would say my biggest limiting belief is that I'm not worthy of some of the goals and the dreams that I have. And I know that's a common one.
• 1:04:56
  Remember, they say hard times make hard people. Hard people make easy times. Easy people make hard times. So it's a circle. And if it were easy, everybody would be doing it. And that's why I call this harder than life. And really, when you get on that hamster wheel of good times, it becomes easy. So that next book might need to be called easier than life.
• 1:05:18
  I just, there's just no other way than to just keep going forward. And I'm trying to think of a vulnerability that I have because I wanted to share even more. But I just can't thank you guys enough for coming here. But I'm going to go around the tables and I want to get just final thoughts. Again, this is...
• 1:05:37
  This is a master class of business. And I want to remind everybody for the listeners, we all didn't know each other a year ago. And now here we are in Dallas all together from a quick phone call. And we're shooting podcasts. And we have a group text. And if anybody needs anything, and I just want to remind, this is the camaraderie we're all looking for. Rudy needs something? I'm there in a second. Any one of you guys need? We're all there. Hey, I got this issue. We're all willing to support. So this is the camaraderie.
• 1:06:04
  cultivation of this, this tribe, so to speak, that we have now. And we're all, I've seen growth in, in you two, that is phenomenal. And I'm, I'm really happy to be there with you. And I want to tell a conversation that Rudy and I had yesterday was, I got to tell you, I've been wanting all these, I've been focused a lot on the outcome. And I realized I'm too focused on the outcome. I'm really loving who I'm becoming. And it is,
• 1:06:31
  It is the feeling every day of becoming somebody new, doing new things that is way more cool to me than even, you know, and you guys know my goal is to donate a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.
• 1:06:46
  I think the feeling of getting on this plane and coming and seeing you and what we're about to do is way cooler than even the feeling once I actually do it, because that's gonna fade quick. So anything you guys ever need, you know I got your back and I'm a good friend to have. So Christy, final thoughts for you.
• 1:07:05
  Final thoughts on leadership, on life? Whatever you want to riff on, just anything that we've talked about that you didn't get a chance. We've only got an hour, so we didn't really all get to go. When people are going to college now, I don't have any regrets in life, but I tell them to make as many relationships as they possibly can.
• 1:07:27
  It took me a little longer in life to realize that the quality of your relationships is the quality is directly proportional to the quality of your life. And just a little bit of vulnerability that we shared here, the camaraderie that we share here, being able to know that you guys are there. And then we all have an extension of all these other people in our lives as well.
• 1:07:49
  it really truly is what life is all about. It's the people that are in your life and the relationships. And if you take that a step further, your business is all about the people that you know too. And the quality of your business comes back to the quality of your relationships. So I would just like to encourage everybody to go, okay,
• 1:08:06
  Can I put, going back to systems, who can I reach out to one a day? Who's one person that I could send a nice text to that maybe is already in my circle that I can just let them know? Like, hey, Michelle, I was thinking about you. So proud of what you're doing. Can't wait to read the book. Maybe that lands on a day when she needed to hear it and she's going, man, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Or this is hard. Yeah, I'd like that over the weekend.
• 1:08:28
  On the weekend? Okay. I'll do that. I will do that every single weekend. But really, like, you really don't, we need to do that. And we also need to go, okay, are there any relationships that I need to go back and rekindle in my life? And then also, where are there new relationships? Because, you know, our life just needs to continue to expand, as Rudy says, you know, you need to expand individually. So,
• 1:08:51
  What if every single day you said, okay, who's one new connection I'm going to make? I'm going to reach out and look for a referral or, you know, whatever it may be. Can you make one new thoughtful connection online?
• 1:09:03
  Network is your net worth. We've all heard that before. And I got to tell you that we've all fed into each other. And I just tell you, just be genuine and authentic. Be yourself and the right people will gravitate to you. And there's no secret of how we all ended up here. And I just feel the love from you guys so much. And I just keep giving love and giving love. And I get it back. So I'm lucky. But yeah, network is your net worth. And it's...
• 1:09:30
  What do they always say? It's not what you know, it's who you know. Great advice. Michelle?
• 1:09:37
  You know, first of all, that was beautiful. So thank you for sharing that, Christy. And I really fully and wholeheartedly believe in the importance of relationships. I'm going to add something we haven't really talked about. We all, and I'm thinking about your audience, particularly the younger folks, we're going to get, you're going to get bombarded with a lot of points of view of what you should do with your life and what you should study and what you should become and where you should live and all of those things.
• 1:10:05
  And I'm going to encourage you to get quiet and listen to that quiet, faint whisper of your soul. It's your intuition. It is the most wise part of you. You carry all the wisdom in you already. Listen to the whispers that tell you what you truly want. That is what's going to drive you to become your best version of yourself if you have the courage to listen.
• 1:10:36
  They're beautiful. Rudy, bring us home, my brother. There are only two reasons people ever achieve what it is that they really want in life, whether they do or whether they don't, and that is...
• 1:10:49
  They either don't believe that what they really want to have is possible or they believe that it's possible, but they just don't believe that it's possible for them. And so I'm speaking to everyone that hears this and grounding in the fact that because you're hearing this message today means there's value and meaning in anything that you've heard here today and that you have to be present to that moment. And I hope that this is going to be received beautifully because –
• 1:11:13
  you have a dream or a goal or desire to have it to be able to do something. And that is on your heart. And you wake up every day. And whether you acknowledge it or not, that presence is there and it's growing. And you either don't have it right now because you don't believe that that thing that you want is possible, meaning nobody can do it, or you just don't believe it's possible for you.
• 1:11:29
  And we have all today, everybody has shared different bondage points of tools, tips, checks, hacks, things that we can add, implement into our lives. And a handful of people are going to take some of this information and do something with it. And a majority of people are going to just listen to it and say, that was great and not do anything with it. And what I want you to hear more than anything in the world is that you're worthy of everything that you want. The thing that is on your heart, man, it is not for you. It's that when you do it, you turn around and you share it with the rest of the world and you teach what you know. And, you know, you know,
• 1:11:57
  Your life is so, so, so powerful and so invaluable. And the dreams and the goals that you have, they're meant to come out and in the world, but they can only come out if you put in the work. And everything we spoke about today was the work. And if you don't put in the work, you don't get to reap the reward. And the only way to reap the reward is to put in the work. And the only way you're gonna put in the work is if you believe you're gonna get the outcome and you're gonna get the outcome because you're worth it. And I love you. I fricking love you. No matter where you are, no matter what part of life you're in,
• 1:12:24
  You and your dreams, you're worth it. Just do the work. You are here for a reason. And you matter and you're important. I'm going to remind everybody to become a sponge, become a learn-it-all like me. Today, you have a masterclass. You can watch YouTube. You can have mentors that people would pay millions of dollars for. And I'm going to leave it with a Ram Dass quote that I love very much, which is, Love everybody. Tell the truth.
• 1:12:53
  Thank you guys. I love you all. Thank you so much.