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Alvaro Velasco - Moderno de mostoles · Comedy Central Stand-Up

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Comedy Central Podcast fucking Mother. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
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I amÁlvaro Verasco demostols. I don' t presume it either. Twenty
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of my colleagues, comedians fuck a lot and I say the good ones.
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Yeah, I eat shit. I have a condom in my wallet that knows
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three Midna renovations and a royal anedot. Royal anedot. Strolling through Madrid appreciated
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street of an aunt I like mogojo, super pretty you cups, awesome.
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It was a hippie, it had a sign that put a free hug.
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I went to talk to her and she told me she wasn' t out
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of school. Very humiliating. I wanted to have been a musician. The
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life of cool musicians, sex, drugs and Latin electro that roll cool.
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How would it be normal for a musician to wake up in the morning for
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a beer breakfast. Then cubatas, then jager master, which is the best
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there is, because if you forget the day before, you can fuck a
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conger, you raise your dick, you don' t care, then cocaine,
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whores, then you take the drunk car, you start to run over
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people. This in the People' s Party is called company dinner. Now
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you can only succeed in music, just like on TV. If they have
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giant tits put on TV. Who wins now. Simon Pilar, Rubio,
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Carlos Gin what the fuck. Carlos Gins is black, fat, Galician law.
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It' s like a lot of minorities, in a single person it
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' s worth. If Carlos Jin were a lesbian, the state would pay
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him directly to me. I like American musicians high, well malnourished. You
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' ve seen what Jane Montana' s name is Malisiirus all Disney girls eat
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dicks. Then, but I' m cool because I see her and I
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say this cool aunt is flesh overdose Carlos Gines. On the contrary, it
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' s an overdose of holy meat and there' s shitty pitting names.
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That' s a disease. I' ve got a sling, stay home.
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You' re well- fucked second- hand car, that' s
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piting tools. I' m peeing to fix the melendis. Sometimes I mess
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with people who have as much more success than I do, and it'
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s because I' m a miserable man I' m going to tell you
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the day I realized that the miserable is in my house watching series online.
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This is cool, it' s not free and it' s Barcelona.
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So you' re cool to see if on the Internet you' re watching
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the typical cult series I was always watching fellow kimvy with the always uncompromising valley
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bike. Nothing was too cold in Madrid in August. I want it to
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come to you. The typical is that you don' t see walking dead
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zombies that eat your head or a Wolking can' t eat anyone' s
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head metaphorically. You know literally yes, I mean, the ones that get
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you shits are whores, these ars ngs in the folders that I tell you
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is so they eat your head. Some of these whores that come to you
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and tell you have a myth for the environment, that is, they can
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also very good strips. If you say a run- in I don'
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t have twenty pas parta to you every month flute dog. You know recently
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I answered super bad some comes and says you have a myth for me of
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atmosphere. I say you have a minute to fuck my dick. Am I
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not educated? I' m not educated. I felt super bad. I
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felt and that aunt told me the nicest thing they' ve told me in
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a long time. He told me a beautiful thing. He told me you
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' re a fucking son of a bitch. There' s a miserable one
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and you' re gonna leave your kids a shitty world. That aunt talked
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about my children. That chick assumed I' d be late from here.
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I' m going to fuck at least twice Hahahaha, I sign it,
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I sign it twice. Cachis the good sea. I was watching series and
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I was eating fries and the fries sounded a lot in my mouth. Okay,
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and I couldn' t watch TV well because it sounded a lot like
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French fries in my mouth. He has a sense of pleasure and guilt.
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At the same time, it' s like when you get a stripe of
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gym jamming. Very similar to people. Who knows I' m on drugs
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because I talk a lot about drugs. I' m a monologue. I
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didn' t get high in my life. You know why. I like
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it and it hooks me up. It' s the same reason I'
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ve never eaten a dick. I really like it. I' ve had
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them in my face and I' ve never been hit. You know,
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daughter, I was watching the show. He' s eating fries and so
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and I felt like shit. I feel bad and I have food. And
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there are people in Africa who don' t have food, who read up
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their asses and say fuck I' m gonna be and not if racist it
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' s okay I' m racist. I' m from muskets, mustards.
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There are a lot of blacks in kings and must we paint two blacks
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in low white. The fashion that pisses me off the most is that of
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the ranners. Some of me' s a ranner. There are ranners Runners.
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People who go out on the street to run and that' s it.
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They put on a pair of two hundred- dollar sneakers and they'
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re gonna run. It' s just that I' ll run hooks,
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hooks the cocaine to run, tires with maya. You can only go well
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if you' re a fucking superhero, what you look like is a bullfighter
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in a hurry. I' m going to runner. If you say I
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' m going to run, I' m not going to make Ranner.
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They say I' m going to run, I' m going to make
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Ranner, because I' m going to make Ranner. In the face of
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your idiot girlfriend. These people are the ones who tell you that if you
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take a cubata, it takes seven minutes of your life, that if you
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leave a cigarette, it takes ten minutes in life, that if you take
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fat. I should have died in the 18th century. Directly, I don
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' t want to be the typical monologuer everyone says is an idiot. I
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' m super cool because I' m the king of idiots. It happens
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to me with the specks. I' m super- fashionable. I see
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a guy with a stick in his head, I say asshole. I see
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four and I say the biggest, most expensive. For me, Pogon is
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a one- to- one sticker bitten and I say a thousand bucks.
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I' ll pay you. Example, Brain and Halloween. It' s
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not Halloween. I really like Halloween. There are people who say it'
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s not that I don' t celebrate Halloween because it' s an American
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party and you celebrate Christmas because Jesus Christ does. Or clearly getaphe that yes,
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do you believe in God, do you believe in God? No,
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yeah, no balls. I respect a lot of the people in God is
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worth because I respect a lot of people with imaginary friends. I' m
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a non- agnostic atheist. Agnostic isn' t that I don' t
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even think I stop believing you are. Bullshit is what you are in life.
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It is necessary to define beach or mountain beings, of sound or of
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Selena. You have to choose the guys we are, ass or tits.
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It' s not me that I' m expensive, you' re bouquets.
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Haha, I don' t understand. There are no believers or Catholics
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who believe in a fat God with a valva, a father not of the
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flute dog and two who I least understand are Muslims. I don' t
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know if there' s any Moors and here or Muslim, I don'
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t understand Muslims. They want in wing that is a merciful god, which
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is supposed to be of good roll. And now he' s a God
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who forbids pork and alcohol, a God who forbids ham and cubatas. He
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' s not a God, he' s a dietitian. God, it
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' s not divine, it' s an endo crino, the rabadán a
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month that you throw during the day without drinking, smoking and fucking and at
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night you get up your ass. I just call ibiza vacation of all God
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' s life and hurbible take away that you' re on that God'
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s will be hell. I' m thirty- one, and I'
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m fat- nofol myself. I don' t have any money. He
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saw my parents. I can' t go any further down. You know,
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I can say whatever comes out of my dick. One r says you
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don' t think there' s an energy and a force in every house
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that you can' t live on. It' s called WiFi. I
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' m gonna finish the monologue by talking about love. The same, no,
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because I don' t usually talk much about love, But in this
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monologue, if I have decided to speak a little bit of love and I
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wasn' t very lucky and love I' ve had girlfriends, but he
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' s not very lucky and now I' ve been in love. I
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put in a website called Darlin. I saw the TV and I said I
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' m worth the ad orc. I make myself forward, but at first
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I scratched because it was for demanding singles. I' m not picky,
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and the point is, I' ve met a chick. I fall in
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love with her and she' s so cool. She' s an aunt,
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she' s hot and she feels like funny and cool people because we
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' ve gotten fucked friends, she fucks. I' m his friend.
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Hahahahaha. I' m paying fantasies to set up a factory in Nigeria.
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This factory I pay for is that I have Christ one thing. I don
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' t know if I suppose you' ve come a lot of couples.
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I' ve written a few verses about love and we rhyme either, but
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it' s like some intimate written things are called love nine years late in
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finishing journalism, nor am I like very shocked and written what I think a
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man has to do for guys in the room understand this well, which has
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to make a name to make his wife happy and that six happy and all
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these fucking shits. People who say come and see, monologues are like love
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suckers, comedians, we make them laugh you put them in, dick is
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our roll. It' s called love. Let' s see if it
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' s cool with you, to see to shame that you are many and
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this is like very intimate. I believe that in order to be a neo
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- idea to which the joy of the child has, at the strength of
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the man and the knowledge of the elder, to be a friend, a
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companion, a brother, a lover and a father, to be careful and
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ordered that you like the party, but without passing by, not to forget
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the important dates, but to surprise them, to import the date, to
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make her laugh but that I do not know how to laugh at you to
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do all kinds of crazy and sufferings like accompany her to a medieval market.
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There are more medieval markets now than in the Middle Ages that charge you twenty
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arms for one who goes, it is not medieval to be affectionate and hug
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her at night and you fall asleep your arm and you can not take advantage
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to jerk off with the other because of course she is and this very comfortable
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and you buy with her, but enjoying the if agonizing that you go to
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buy you cross with another uncle. Look at those eyes. We' re
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in the same shit. You and I know ballad, you come in the
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afternoon to buy them a guy with bags one day and you say it'
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s my fucking future. You know how to be determined, reliable, respectful.
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Leal do it, compliment the messing, not look at other women being
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for it, but without passing by and meeting them. You have to do
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all this, take into account your family, pro without giving more importance than
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her being very man. Above all, don' t protest when the grains
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in your back are hot, because it hurts, that is, it hurts
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and comes out pus and doesn' t disgust you, that is? I
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mean, it comes out if I don' t gas him and then,
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for whatever it is, you run into his face and disgust him, because
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I get zero to be clean. He' s set up handymen all this
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and what to do jor is a good cook' s collazo. He did
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the bathroom in fontan hero and artist, hiker, driver, friend of his
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friends, but not of his friends and less of her friend. The whore
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who just gets off every single one, she' s out there eating dicks
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like crazy. You know that one, that one, that one that you
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' re talking to her and looking at you, since you' re not
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here. We' re just talking, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
10:41
know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
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know, That then psychologist, you harapeta compression, that have educated her,
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make her feel special twenty- four hours a day, three hundred sixty-
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five days a year, that this doesn' t even open the English fucking
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court. Be kind to have initiatives know, listen to good advice, solve
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problems, you score namely, recognize, mistakes, make decisions. That good
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host in having a sense of humor, generous, to be a worker of
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intelligent, to be attentive, to be a fighter and when you get all
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this, you know what happens, because she is burdened by a world of
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perfection and is hooked up with a woman and a balcolic. Good evening,
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Mr Lo Rasco. Thank you very much, Pamy Centra. Thank you,
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keep it.