Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How to Manage a Direct Report Who Is Older Than You
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've just been promoted to manager. You're excited, you've got your plan. But there's one direct report who's been at the company since before you started college. How do you handle that? Luna: I think a lot of new managers have that moment. It's intimidating. You don't want to come off as arrogant, but you also can't shrink. Lucas: Exactly. And there's a real case that illustrates the pitfalls and the solutions. Catherine H. became a manager at a Midwest manufacturing firm at 29. One of her direct reports was Bob, a 58-year-old engineer with 30 years at the company. Luna: Wow, that's a classic scenario. What did Catherine do at first? Lucas: She did what a lot of us would do — she tried to prove she knew her stuff. In her first week, she jumped into a technical meeting and tried to correct Bob's data on a production metric. Turns out Bob's data was correct. She misread the report. Luna: Ouch. So she undermined her credibility before building any. Lucas: Right. And that's a really common mistake — the 'prove yourself' trap. You feel the age gap, so you try to compensate by showing you're technically competent. But you end up looking insecure. Luna: So what did she do to recover? I imagine she had to rebuild trust from scratch. Lucas: She took a step back. She scheduled a one-on-one with Bob and started not with her agenda but with a question: 'Bob, you've been here longer than anyone. What's one piece of company history that would help me not make a fool of myself?' Luna: That's smart. It's basically asking for his expertise, which is real, and it acknowledges his value without being obsequious. Lucas: Exactly. And Bob opened up. He talked about a failed project from ten years ago that everyone had forgotten — and that actually helped Catherine avoid a similar mistake later. She learned that his institutional knowledge was her asset, not her threat. Luna: So the first tactic is: ask for their advice on history. What's the second? Lucas: Set clear role boundaries, but do it collaboratively. Catherine later told me she had to clarify that she's the one who makes final decisions on resource allocation — Bob's engineering mentor but not his budget manager. She said it directly: 'Bob, I need you to own the technical decisions. I'll own the budget and the timeline. Let's agree on where the line is.' Luna: That's direct without being harsh. And it respects his domain while asserting hers. Lucas: Exactly. The third tactic is to create a shared definition of success on the first project together. Catherine and Bob defined 'good' for their next deliverable — not just in terms of deadlines, but what quality and collaboration looked like. That gave them a joint scorecard. Luna: So rather than her imposing metrics, they co-created them. That builds buy-in. Lucas: Right. And over time, Bob became one of her biggest advocates. He started telling other engineers, 'Catherine may be young, but she listens, and she's decisive when it counts.' Luna: That's a powerful endorsement. And it shows that age difference can become a strength if handled well. Lucas: It really can. And I think this episode touches on something bigger — how to lead without relying on positional authority. Managing someone older forces you to earn respect the old-fashioned way. Luna: You know, it's conversations like this that make me glad we can keep the show ad-free — it lets us go deep without a sponsor break interrupting. If you find value in these episodes, consider supporting us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's all lowercase. Every contribution helps us keep doing this. Lucas: Yeah, listener support is what keeps the podcast independent. We really appreciate it. Now, back to Catherine — there's one more nuance I want to cover. Luna: Please — what is it? Lucas: She also had to deal with her own imposter syndrome. When Bob would reference things that happened before she joined the workforce, she felt like an outsider. But she reframed it: instead of comparing her 5 years of experience to his 30, she focused on what she brought — a fresh perspective on digital tools and a new way of communicating with clients. Luna: That's a great point. The value proposition isn't just about experience, it's about complementary strengths. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's the core lesson for any new manager, but especially when you're younger than your direct reports: don't try to beat them at their game. Play your own game. Be the person who connects the team to the rest of the organization, who champions their work, who removes obstacles. Luna: So the real work is about service — serving the older team members by giving them what they need to succeed, not by trying to out-engineer them. Lucas: Precisely. And there's research to back this up. A study from the Harvard Business Review found that age-diverse teams perform better when leaders practice what they call 'inclusive authority' — making decisions fairly while encouraging input from all ages. But those teams flounder when the manager tries to homogenize the team or asserts age-based hierarchy. Luna: That aligns with Catherine's story — she didn't try to make Bob act younger, she integrated his perspective. Lucas: Right. And I want to emphasize one more thing: it's okay to be direct about the age gap. Catherine eventually said to Bob, 'Bob, I know I'm young and you've been here forever. That's not a problem for me, but I want to make sure it's not a problem for you. Let's check in on that.' She put it on the table. Luna: That takes courage, but it also shows maturity. It addresses the elephant in the room instead of letting it fester. Lucas: Exactly. And Bob appreciated it. He said, 'I was worried you'd be some hotshot who would ignore my advice. You're not. I'm good with this.' And from there, their partnership really took off. Luna: So for any new manager listening who has an older direct report: ask for their history, set clear roles together, co-create success metrics, and name the age difference openly. That's a recipe for turning a potential tension point into a strength. Lucas: I'd add: give it time. Trust doesn't build in one meeting. Catherine said it took about three months before Bob fully accepted her as his manager. But once he did, he became her ally. Luna: Patience is underrated in management. We often want quick wins, but relationships develop on their own schedule. Lucas: Absolutely. So if you're in that first 90 days with an older report, don't panic if it's awkward at first. Use these tactics, be consistent, and give it time. The payoff is huge. Luna: I think that's a good note to end on. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll be back next week with another episode.