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Why So Many Women Feel “Behind” After 50 — And Why You’re Not · Rock My Finances

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances Show on k FORHD
0:43
Speaker 2: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
0:46
Speaker 2: in finance joint powerhouse Jeffer josp CDFA CMC and Private
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Speaker 2: Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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Speaker 2: control and compidence with your money, your way. It's not
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Speaker 2: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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Speaker 2: find out now Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Rock My Finances I'm so excited about
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Speaker 1: this episode as well. I hear this all the time.
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Speaker 1: Women come into my office and they say, I am
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Speaker 1: so behind, I feel so behind, And actually that's not
1:24
Speaker 1: always the case, but what they say so quietly, they're embarrassed,
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Speaker 1: they're shamed. They're so all apologetic, like they don't even
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Speaker 1: want to show me their their statements or where they're
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Speaker 1: at or anything because they're just so feeling bad and
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Speaker 1: they think they should be someplace else. They'll say, I'm
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Speaker 1: behind financially, I'm behind in life, I'm behind in my relationships.
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Speaker 1: I thought I would be in a completely different place
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Speaker 1: by now, all of these thoughts going around in our heads.
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Speaker 1: Right if that thought has ever crossed your mind, I
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Speaker 1: want you to know this or right now, you are
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Speaker 1: not alone, you are not broken, and guess what, you
2:05
Speaker 1: are not done. We are not done. In this episode,
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Speaker 1: we're going to not talk about fixing you, because that's
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Speaker 1: not the situation. We're going to talk about helping you
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Speaker 1: understand why you feel this way, why it does not
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Speaker 1: even matter, and how we can switch that thinking. So
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Speaker 1: it really shows up a lot in midlife for women
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Speaker 1: because we actually are carrying invisible pressure. We have pressure
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Speaker 1: from old timelines we've always heard back in the day,
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Speaker 1: like our parents retired. You know, social Security the first
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Speaker 1: time you can get it is age sixty two. So
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Speaker 1: sometimes we think that we should have our retirement ready
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Speaker 1: and everything ready to retire at sixty two. Then the
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Speaker 1: next age is full retirement age, which is usually sixty
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Speaker 1: five and three months or six months or whatever, or
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Speaker 1: sixty six, and we should be completely done saving money
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Speaker 1: and growing our money, and we should have those millions
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Speaker 1: at that age. That's in our head. Those are old timelines.
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Speaker 1: Now it's even moved up our next age at the
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Speaker 1: highest age that you're going to get Social Security, that's
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Speaker 1: not going to change otherwise. It goes up eight percent
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Speaker 1: a year seventy years old so right now, which of
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Speaker 1: course could change, but it'll cap out at seventy. So
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Speaker 1: if you haven't taken social Security up to seventy, you
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Speaker 1: want to start it at seventy because you're not going
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Speaker 1: to make any more from then on out. That could change.
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Speaker 1: They might increase it to seventy two, but that's a
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Speaker 1: far cry from sixty two, right. So the old timelines
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Speaker 1: that we've heard on retiring is not accurate, and retiring
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Speaker 1: to me, means no income coming in from your time,
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Speaker 1: So trading time for money, your career for money, your
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Speaker 1: your company for money, like you do not have to
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Speaker 1: put time in to in order to receive money into
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Speaker 1: your account. What we all would love to have is
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Speaker 1: this great big pot of money over here, some less
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Speaker 1: than others, and and that money making money so that
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Speaker 1: that money is going to replace you trading time for
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Speaker 1: money And I hope that makes sense, But the old
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Speaker 1: timelines are garbage. Just throw those out the window. Expectations
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Speaker 1: were never really clearly stated. We think and we feel
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Speaker 1: and we should be someplace at this time. Well who
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Speaker 1: said that. Like back in the day, I had my
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Speaker 1: first child at twenty one. Now kids aren't having them
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Speaker 1: until their thirties, so lives are completely different now. So
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Speaker 1: the expectations about timelines that we should be someplace at
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Speaker 1: a specific time in our life is absolutely not accurate.
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Speaker 1: So we need to pick up all those thoughts that
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Speaker 1: we think that we should be someplace and throw it
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Speaker 1: away because, as we all know, one event in our
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Speaker 1: life could change our life drastically. Good, bad, and different
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Speaker 1: doesn't matter, but it just takes one thing in our
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Speaker 1: life that completely derails everything could be amazing and it
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Speaker 1: could totally shift us in a completely different way. So
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Speaker 1: let's not beat ourselves up for the past and should have,
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Speaker 1: would have, could is Somewhere along the way we absorb
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Speaker 1: the idea that a certain age, we should have this
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Speaker 1: amount of money and we should be living this type
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Speaker 1: of life. We should be owning a house, maybe some rentals.
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Speaker 1: We should be caring for our grandchildren, even well, a
5:22
Speaker 1: lot of kids aren't even having kids. So when we
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Speaker 1: grew up and thought we were going to have the
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Speaker 1: rocking chairs on the front porch and the marriage that
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Speaker 1: really a lot are not working out for these days,
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Speaker 1: we have to readjust our thinking and not add so
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Speaker 1: much shame and blame on where we think we should be.
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Speaker 1: The truth is women judge ourselves against other never real
5:49
Speaker 1: expectations of other women's lives, especially with social media, so
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Speaker 1: now they're designed around linear careers. We thought that we
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Speaker 1: were going to be in this career forever. We were
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Speaker 1: going to go to school, get our degree, start this job,
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Speaker 1: get our career, and that's where we were going to be.
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Speaker 1: We thought that our marriage was going to last forever
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Speaker 1: and death to his part right. We thought that relationship
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Speaker 1: was going to be stable, amazing, make us feel good,
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Speaker 1: raise a great family, and have that forever. We thought
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Speaker 1: that everything was going to be predictable and that we're
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Speaker 1: going to be able to save this, and the market's
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Speaker 1: going to return this rate of return over time, We're
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Speaker 1: going to be here. We really think that this is
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Speaker 1: the way life goes when actuality. That is the way
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Speaker 1: men think. It's a linear life path for men. That
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Speaker 1: is not the way women's lives turn out, look like,
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Speaker 1: experience any of it. So women feel much more behind
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Speaker 1: because they are Our lives are layered, they are interrupted,
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Speaker 1: they are deep emotionally fixed on relationships, and we cannot
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Speaker 1: control other people in our lives. I know we try
7:02
Speaker 1: codependents out there. I know we try a lot to
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Speaker 1: control other people. If they would just do this, my
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Speaker 1: life would be amazing. If they would just walk in happy,
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Speaker 1: or if they would just take this job or whatever
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Speaker 1: we want them to do, because we think our life
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Speaker 1: is going to be better. But that's not the case.
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Speaker 1: That's literally not the case. We literally are so emotional
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Speaker 1: about our relationships that does not take into consideration in
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Speaker 1: our bank account. So it's not about the zeros, It's
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Speaker 1: about how we feel about everything, So we're going to
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Speaker 1: switch that today. Here's the worst thing that we do.
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Speaker 1: We compare the seaword. This is not a good seaword.
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Speaker 1: I love all the other sea words, but I do
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Speaker 1: not like this one. We compare too much. We compare
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Speaker 1: to our friends, we compare to our siblings, we compare
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Speaker 1: to our parents. How did our parents do? Our parents
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Speaker 1: lived at a very different world than we're in now.
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Speaker 1: Our neighbors. I literally had a client come to me
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Speaker 1: and say, I want my portfolio exactly like my neighbors.
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Speaker 1: Why do you want that? Because they're always traveling, they
8:03
Speaker 1: have a really good time. First of all, they were
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Speaker 1: a married couple. She's single, okay, so they're always traveling.
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Speaker 1: They're having a good time. They have a great big trailer,
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Speaker 1: They go on trips to everywhere internationally. They have a
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Speaker 1: really good time. I really want my portfolio to look
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Speaker 1: just like hers. She talked to this neighbor. The neighbor says, yep,
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Speaker 1: we have all of our money into fixed income type
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Speaker 1: of things to where they just get the interest off
8:25
Speaker 1: of things so they don't have to worry about the
8:27
Speaker 1: stock market going up and down. So my client says,
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Speaker 1: that's what she wants. Well, let's look at the real
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Speaker 1: truth of things. Those neighbors had a very different portfolio
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Speaker 1: and amount of zeros than my client did. And so
8:43
Speaker 1: when we compare ourselves, we're only scratching the service because
8:46
Speaker 1: we're only looking at certain things. We might even be
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Speaker 1: looking at social media and seeing how happy someone might be.
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Speaker 1: On social media. We might see our neighbors happy. Right
8:56
Speaker 1: where I live, I'm very friendly with all of my neighbors,
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Speaker 1: and we all get along really well. We do a
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Speaker 1: lot of stuff together. But I don't know the intricate
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Speaker 1: intricacies of their financial lives, of their family lives, of
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Speaker 1: their married lives. I don't know any of that. So
9:12
Speaker 1: how can I compare myself to somebody else that from
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Speaker 1: the outside looks like they're doing something that I should
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Speaker 1: be doing. So we need to take the seaward out.
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Speaker 1: We do not want to compare at all. I if
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Speaker 1: I'm going to be doing any comparison, it's going to
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Speaker 1: be me of today versus who I was five years ago,
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Speaker 1: or last year, or six months ago or yesterday. Compare myself.
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Speaker 1: Even when I'm playing pick a ball, I am comparing
9:38
Speaker 1: myself on how I'm doing today versus how I was
9:41
Speaker 1: doing last week or last year or whatever. So we
9:45
Speaker 1: want to compare ourselves with ourselves. Are we stepping into
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Speaker 1: who we truly are today and looking at things that
9:54
Speaker 1: are going to change our financial world? Are we getting
9:57
Speaker 1: more education? Are we stepping up to the eight more?
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Speaker 1: All those things? We want to compare just with ourselves,
10:03
Speaker 1: if that makes sense. When we compare, we only really
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Speaker 1: see the highlight reels of our friends, neighbors, parents, siblings,
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Speaker 1: and even siblings are only going to tell us what
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Speaker 1: they want us to know. We're not even going to
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Speaker 1: know the full story with our siblings. Even our best
10:17
Speaker 1: friends that we feel like we share everything with, we're
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Speaker 1: not going to know the full story with them either.
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Speaker 1: But we're just not We do not see how stressed
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Speaker 1: they are. We do not see the regrets that they have.
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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't come in and say, hey,
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Speaker 1: I totally screwed up, Like I sold the stock. I
10:33
Speaker 1: can't believe I did that. I totally screwed up. I
10:35
Speaker 1: could have bought this. Like we were just talking the
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Speaker 1: other day with a friend that we were like, okay,
10:39
Speaker 1: where we're at now? People are moving in right, It
10:40
Speaker 1: would have been great if we would have bought some
10:42
Speaker 1: property a few years ago. Great should it what it
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Speaker 1: could is let it go. That's all we can do.
10:48
Speaker 1: We can't beat ourselves up for everything we do not see.
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Speaker 1: Our friends and neighbors and families and social media acquaintances
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Speaker 1: we don't see. They're behind the scenes struggle. Do you
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Speaker 1: ever have a really bad day Like I just had
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Speaker 1: one the other day and I was just like, oh
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Speaker 1: my gosh, I need to shake this off, right, I
11:08
Speaker 1: need to shake off this yucky feeling because I was
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Speaker 1: down in the dump. And I actually do that after
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Speaker 1: a trip, when I come home or a big, really
11:17
Speaker 1: fun event or a great weekend. The next day is
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Speaker 1: always getting reacclimated to this life and this day and
11:24
Speaker 1: from my past traumas and my past experiences. That is
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Speaker 1: a letdown for me, and so I have to remember
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Speaker 1: that that was from past traumas, not now. I love
11:35
Speaker 1: coming home, I love my house, I love my job,
11:38
Speaker 1: I love my clients, I love everything I do. My
11:41
Speaker 1: podcast is totally fun. So we want to make sure
11:44
Speaker 1: that we're in that realm of things when we see
11:48
Speaker 1: other people highlight reels, if that makes sense, right. We
11:52
Speaker 1: don't really know what other people's true relationship is. We
11:56
Speaker 1: see them out and about, we see them or dinner, holidays,
12:00
Speaker 1: but we really don't know what's going on behind the scenes.
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Speaker 1: So comparison is just not absolutely not a way to go.
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Speaker 1: We definitely do not see the privileges that people have
12:11
Speaker 1: had a hand up education. Maybe their parents or grandparents
12:15
Speaker 1: taught them a lot about finances and how to take
12:21
Speaker 1: how to build a business, maybe how to take their
12:24
Speaker 1: skills and turn it into an income. We don't know
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Speaker 1: what they know. We don't know what they were, what
12:28
Speaker 1: they were taught, what they were experienced. We don't know
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Speaker 1: what timing worked in their favor. Maybe like I had
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Speaker 1: a friend by a medical stock totally took off, like
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Speaker 1: you did, great, that's great. I can't compare with something
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Speaker 1: like that. I did not buy that medical stock, right, people,
12:44
Speaker 1: some people bought Tesla and certain things that have just
12:47
Speaker 1: really skyrocketed in the very beginning, right, So we don't
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Speaker 1: know what's happened to other people to help them get
12:55
Speaker 1: where they're at today. We don't know what inheritance they
12:58
Speaker 1: might have received. We don't know like in California, you know,
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Speaker 1: we make a lot of money on houses and so
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Speaker 1: we don't know if they've made a lot of money
13:06
Speaker 1: on their houses before that, but we only see them
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Speaker 1: at this date. Feeling like we have been behind or
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Speaker 1: we have made mistakes. Then we're ashamed of ourselves. And
13:17
Speaker 1: this is the big point I want you to take away.
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Speaker 1: When we beat ourselves up, we don't make good decisions
13:25
Speaker 1: moving forward. This is why this is so important, because
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Speaker 1: if we are ashamed of our past, and we can't
13:31
Speaker 1: let that go, and we can't just love ourselves for
13:34
Speaker 1: who we are right this minute. And here you are
13:36
Speaker 1: on this podcast, so you already get a hand for
13:39
Speaker 1: being on Rock White Pines' podcast, because that means you
13:41
Speaker 1: want to know more. That means you are in the
13:44
Speaker 1: perfect space. We want to reframe feeling behind, to reframe
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Speaker 1: it to hey, I'm awake. I'm awake, and I'm stepping
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Speaker 1: into my power and I'm going to grow my power
13:57
Speaker 1: and I'm going to learn more and I'm going to
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Speaker 1: love myself more. I'm going to love my numbers more,
14:04
Speaker 1: and I'm going to do what I need to do
14:05
Speaker 1: to make good decisions moving forward. Any decision is a
14:09
Speaker 1: good decision. Have you ever heard of the ostriches with
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Speaker 1: their money right. They are asleep, they're not paying attention,
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Speaker 1: they're numb, they don't want to see it. It brings
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Speaker 1: up so much stress that to a lot of my
14:22
Speaker 1: coaching clients come in my program this way because they've
14:27
Speaker 1: never looked at it. They're so afraid to look at it.
14:29
Speaker 1: And I promise you one hundred percent of my clients
14:32
Speaker 1: are so happy once we look at it, because we
14:35
Speaker 1: reframe the old bad thoughts, the old bad beliefs, the shame,
14:41
Speaker 1: all the negative and we turn them into positives. And
14:44
Speaker 1: then once you're feeling positive about it, it's kind of
14:46
Speaker 1: exciting to play with your money and to look at
14:49
Speaker 1: your numbers and guess what. The positivity is going to
14:53
Speaker 1: attract more positivity, which is only going to make them
14:56
Speaker 1: feel better and me feel better. Everybody. It's awesome. So
15:00
Speaker 1: once you are awake and you're like, hey, okay, I'm ready, world,
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Speaker 1: financial world, I'm ready to look at my numbers. I'm
15:06
Speaker 1: ready to see where I'm at. And some people don't
15:09
Speaker 1: want to go it alone. I mean, I know, I
15:11
Speaker 1: don't go out in the garage alone and look at
15:12
Speaker 1: all my memories and all of my stuff, like that's
15:15
Speaker 1: scary for me. I always bring a friend and some
15:17
Speaker 1: help with that. So if you don't want to go
15:19
Speaker 1: into your financial world alone, you don't have to hire
15:22
Speaker 1: a coach, hire somebody that you love or a best friend,
15:26
Speaker 1: somebody that you trust. Don't do it alone. Because we
15:29
Speaker 1: want to. We want to feel good about it. We
15:32
Speaker 1: want we want to just see where we're at. That's
15:35
Speaker 1: all we're trying to do. We want to ask better questions,
15:38
Speaker 1: we want to pay attention. We want alignment with our
15:43
Speaker 1: goals and our dreams, not just accumulation. Also years grow, accumulate,
15:49
Speaker 1: save you know, it's all about that, in not spending
15:54
Speaker 1: money and restrict and cut down and save your money.
15:58
Speaker 1: There's so much more to it than just that. So
16:00
Speaker 1: when we actually look at okay, what do we actually need?
16:05
Speaker 1: Everyone is completely different. We want to know add day
16:10
Speaker 1: in a life, So a day in a life, at Jennifer,
16:12
Speaker 1: how much money do I need? How many zeros do
16:14
Speaker 1: I need? Just a day in a life? Basic food, housing, shelter, shelter, housing, insurance,
16:21
Speaker 1: that has to happen, medical, right, those are our basics
16:25
Speaker 1: that has to happen every day, no matter what's happening.
16:28
Speaker 1: Throw out a figure of that figure. So let's say
16:31
Speaker 1: that's four thousand dollars a month. That needs to happen,
16:33
Speaker 1: no matter what's happening. Right then the fun stuff, my pickleball,
16:38
Speaker 1: traveling Italy, Iceland, you know, golfing could be a nice hobby.
16:44
Speaker 1: You know, your gym membership, all the extras, out to dinner,
16:48
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. That's the extras that Let's say
16:51
Speaker 1: that's two thousand dollars a month. Now I have four thousand,
16:54
Speaker 1: and I have two thousand. I have to have four
16:56
Speaker 1: thousand a month. Two thousand is optional. So when we
16:59
Speaker 1: look at numbers, everyone's a little bit different. You want
17:03
Speaker 1: to make sure that you have enough for your basic
17:05
Speaker 1: day in a life. That's what we really care about.
17:08
Speaker 1: We don't have to have all the travel stuff. When
17:10
Speaker 1: we hear these great big numbers that we have to have,
17:13
Speaker 1: well that's not actually right. So if you've ever wondered
17:16
Speaker 1: that I miss my chance, is it too late for me?
17:19
Speaker 1: I want you to know right now you are not behind,
17:22
Speaker 1: you are not late, and you're not running out of time.
17:25
Speaker 1: It is never too late to start. We want to
17:29
Speaker 1: have more clarity with our numbers. We want to have
17:32
Speaker 1: a great relationship with money. Because when I love my
17:36
Speaker 1: numbers and my numbers love me, guess what's going to happen.
17:39
Speaker 1: Manifestation's going to happen. We're going to be able to
17:42
Speaker 1: attract a lot more. So we want to have more
17:45
Speaker 1: alignment with our goals. Because I might have one client
17:49
Speaker 1: that only wants maybe three thousand dollars a month, and
17:52
Speaker 1: I have another client that wants twelve thousand dollars a month. Well,
17:55
Speaker 1: they need very different moneies, right, So just taking the
17:59
Speaker 1: general words out there, throw them away. It's not accurate,
18:02
Speaker 1: it's not real. You need to know what's right for
18:05
Speaker 1: you and that and no one can tell you that
18:07
Speaker 1: unless they know everything about you, which means you get
18:10
Speaker 1: to know everything about you. So fall in love with
18:13
Speaker 1: your numbers. I want you to write down one hundred
18:15
Speaker 1: things that you love. First, I want you to be
18:17
Speaker 1: in that loving state. Then I want you to write
18:19
Speaker 1: a list of all your skills and attributes, what makes
18:22
Speaker 1: you a badass, what makes you amazing? Be in that state,
18:26
Speaker 1: and then look at all your numbers. And I promise
18:28
Speaker 1: you're going to fall in love with your numbers. And
18:30
Speaker 1: when you feel really good about that, you're going to
18:32
Speaker 1: have your weekly money date and you're literally going to
18:35
Speaker 1: say really really great things. Now, I have a quick
18:38
Speaker 1: gift for you, real quick. Hang on right now and
18:41
Speaker 1: I'll be right back.
18:42
Speaker 2: Wait, the show isn't over yet. There's more fun and
18:45
Speaker 2: finances ahead. Jennifer will be right back as we have
18:48
Speaker 2: a special bonus offer for you right here on Rock
18:51
Speaker 2: My Financeers broadcasting live on K four HD radio and
18:55
Speaker 2: Talk for TV.
18:57
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's Jennifer Jos. Are you ready to to
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Speaker 1: transform your relationship with money? Rock My Finances Club is
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Speaker 1: com for your financial empowerment. Make yourself a priority today,
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Speaker 1: schedule a check with me at ROCKMF dot com and
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Speaker 1: achieve your feminine financial freedom. Finally, oh and don't forget
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Speaker 1: to ask me how to say fifty percent? So you
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Speaker 1: add our weekly mastermind.
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Speaker 2: Okay, Rock My Finances on KTHORHD and talkfor TV is
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Speaker 2: back once again. Let's put the fun in finance with
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Speaker 2: your host and weekly friend Jennifer Jos.
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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, you get to fall in love with
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Speaker 1: your numbers. Know what's happening, so you want to know
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Speaker 1: where every dime is going. Just take the last three
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Speaker 1: months of everything you've spent, write them all down as
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Speaker 1: a data collector and see what's happening so that you
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Speaker 1: can actually fall in love with your numbers and say, Okay,
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Speaker 1: this is good. I'm going to shift it here. I'm
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Speaker 1: going to do this. I don't want to spend that there.
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Speaker 1: I want to spend it here and grab your goals
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Speaker 1: from here on out. And you're going to move forward slowly,
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Speaker 1: month by month, and I promise you're going to be
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Speaker 1: rock my Finances, see you tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
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Speaker 2: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
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Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
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Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
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Speaker 2: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
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Speaker 2: It's about the F word. Feelings, feelings, Jennifer can't wait
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Speaker 2: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
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Speaker 2: say I rock my finances