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Grief...How to deal with losing a Spouse · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

• 0:33
  Speaker 1: What's up? What's up? What's up?
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Y'all?
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Y'all know what's your favorite girl? Friend of five? Oh foo,
• 0:39
  bring you another episode of Black Girl Interrupted. Is your girl? Ash?
• 0:43
  I hope everyone is having a beautiful day, Happy Wednesday,
• 0:47
  Happy home day, babe. We are almost oh to the weekend, baby,
• 0:52
  We're just two days away from the weekend, weekend, weekend weekend.
• 0:56
  But anyway, I just want to pop in real quick
• 1:00
  and give y'all another beautiful episode again as I stayed
• 1:03
  it last night. So for the whole month of December,
• 1:06
  we are talking about grief everything grief. How do you
• 1:10
  cope with losing a parent, how do your cope with
• 1:12
  lose in a spouse, how do you cope with losing
• 1:15
  a sibling, a child, and a grandparent. And then we'll
• 1:18
  also get into a discussion of what is grief and
• 1:21
  how do you handle it? How do you deal with
• 1:23
  it when you're faced with it? So anyone that is
• 1:28
  new too Black Girl in talk the podcast. Before I
• 1:30
  get started, I always do my mental health check in.
• 1:35
  I do these mental health check ins. As I stayed
• 1:37
  it last night, It's imperative that I come in and
• 1:39
  I checked the temperature suicide is at an all time
• 1:43
  high in the black community. It is the third leading
• 1:46
  cause of death in Black men under the age of
• 1:50
  fifty five. It only takes a moment for you to
• 1:55
  stop in and send somebody a text and just say, hey,
• 1:58
  I'm thinking about you, I love you, I hope you're
• 2:00
  doing well, because you never know what that text could
• 2:03
  do to a person. You just don't understand. A person
• 2:06
  could be a bullet awake, a person could be a
• 2:08
  drink awake, a person could be a drive away from
• 2:13
  ending their life, and just to know that they're loved,
• 2:18
  they're appreciated, that they're wanting, could really make a difference.
• 2:21
  I only speak from experience because I've been on that
• 2:25
  other end. Hum, Hey, it's as happy hump day girl,
• 2:30
  Happy hump Day. I hope you're having a beautiful, beautiful
• 2:32
  week so far. Thank you for stopping in, Thank you
• 2:36
  for coming to hanging out with you big Sis tonight.
• 2:39
  But yes, but before we get into tonight's conversation again,
• 2:42
  I always want to do my mental health check ins
• 2:45
  anyone that is familiar with my show, I always play
• 2:50
  something encouraging, something inspirational, something empowering, something uplifting, just to
• 2:54
  let you know that I love you, and to let
• 2:56
  you know that I'm thinking about you and that I'm
• 2:58
  praying for you and praying that whatever mountain that is
• 3:02
  in front of you, I pray that you're able to
• 3:04
  get over it. I want you to know that you're
• 3:07
  still needed on this side, you still have purpose, you
• 3:10
  are loved, and I see you, I hear you, I
• 3:13
  feel you, and most importantly, I understand you. So my
• 3:18
  sister says, she says, I'm okay today. She said, I'm
• 3:20
  going through some challenges this week, but I'm standing strong
• 3:23
  for now. Let me say this to yousis feel what
• 3:30
  you need to feel. If it's grief, feeling, if you're angry,
• 3:35
  be angry, if you're sad, feel those feelings. It's okay
• 3:39
  to not be okay. A lot of days, I just
• 3:42
  don't want you to lay in it. I want you
• 3:44
  to understand that this only lasts for a moment, and
• 3:50
  then I need you to get up. I need you
• 3:53
  to shake it off, and I need you to own
• 3:56
  who you are and understand that what you're feeling is okay.
• 4:02
  But again, it's like I said, I don't want you
• 4:04
  to lay in it. I want you to get up.
• 4:06
  I want you to know that you have a circumference
• 4:08
  or circle of people around you that love you, that
• 4:12
  are walking with you, that understand those challenges that you're
• 4:15
  going through. You understand. So don't ever feel like you're alone.
• 4:19
  Don't ever feel like you can't reach out, Never feel
• 4:22
  like you have to go on this journey by yourself,
• 4:25
  because you have people around you that, again, they understand,
• 4:28
  and they're willing to walk with you. They're willing to
• 4:30
  hold your hand as we all walk on this journey.
• 4:34
  We're all experiencing challenges, we're all going through something right now.
• 4:39
  But it's a matter of us getting back together, us
• 4:43
  putting it back together, us pulling those pieces and putting
• 4:48
  and making them fit. You understand, even on the days
• 4:52
  that get rough, something in you has to motivate you
• 4:56
  to get up and to push through. Oh my god,
• 5:00
  there's my brother. Oh my god. I'm not gonna get
• 5:04
  emotional tonight, I promise, but there is my brother. I
• 5:08
  love you so much. Let's get a ga. I am
• 5:11
  so so so ecstatic to see you. My brother says,
• 5:16
  there she go, my sister, Ashley. He says, hope all
• 5:18
  is well with you and your family always love and
• 5:21
  respect and any love that's given is always returned. So
• 5:25
  I love you, brother, I respect you, I appreciate you,
• 5:28
  I adore you. Thank you for just always loving and
• 5:31
  supporting me regardless of where I'm at in my stage
• 5:34
  of life. But I appreciate you. I see we have
• 5:40
  some new people that are tuning in. Thank you, thank you,
• 5:42
  Thank you' all for coming in and loving on your girl. Man,
• 5:45
  this feels so amazing. But tonight's conversation is what is
• 5:52
  the hard? How do you deal with losing a spouse again?
• 5:56
  This is December, we are rounding out the end of
• 5:59
  the year. In this it's the heaviest time of the
• 6:01
  year for a lot of people. Grief is real, Grief exists,
• 6:08
  But most importantly, there's no timeline on grief. Never let
• 6:13
  anyone rush you through the process. You understand, because there
• 6:17
  are people out there that say, oh, well, you know,
• 6:19
  it's okay, Well we just gotta do this. Everyone grieves differently,
• 6:24
  so I want people to be kind in this season.
• 6:28
  You understand, I'm not gonna get emotional because y'all know
• 6:31
  I am so passionate about the conversations that we have
• 6:35
  here on Black Girl. Interrupted, So forgive me for being
• 6:39
  the biggest crow baby ever. I it just it is
• 6:42
  what it is. So man, I love you, I adore you,
• 6:50
  and I'm so proud of you. I am ecstatic for you.
• 6:56
  So I go on and continue and say, people are
• 7:02
  not just the loss of a loved one, maybe the
• 7:04
  loss of a job, maybe the loss of a friendship,
• 7:08
  maybe the loss of themselves. You know, maybe they're grieving
• 7:12
  they're all selves as the new them you know, emerges.
• 7:17
  So I ask you please be kind to be gentle
• 7:21
  to people in this season because you just again, you
• 7:24
  just don't know what people are going through. You don't
• 7:27
  know what people are grieving. So again, most importantly, I'm
• 7:30
  gonna repeat this again, stop telling people to get over it,
• 7:35
  because grief hits people differently. Some people it may take
• 7:39
  years before they finally break. Some people grief right at
• 7:43
  the moment the situation occurs, or the moment a person passes.
• 7:47
  We don't know. But I ask that you just be
• 7:50
  kinds of people. Just love on people you understand, pick
• 7:54
  them up, encourage them, uplift them, because those tables will
• 7:58
  eventually turn and it could be you on the receiving end.
• 8:04
  You understand, and you're gonna want someone to be kind
• 8:06
  to you. You're gonna want someone to be empathetic to you,
• 8:09
  You're gonna want someone to extend grace to you. So
• 8:13
  I ask in this moment, in this season, please be
• 8:17
  kind because the holidays get heavy for a lot of people.
• 8:21
  I can say for me, the holidays are difficult for me.
• 8:26
  Ever since I lost my dad, I lost my grandmother
• 8:29
  in ninety eight. My grandmother passed the day after Christmas,
• 8:31
  So the holidays have never been the same for me.
• 8:36
  So I encourage you. If you know someone that's grieving,
• 8:39
  if you know someone that's lost someone, if you know
• 8:41
  someone that's experiencing loss for you know, let me back up,
• 8:45
  if you know someone that's experiencing the holidays and this
• 8:48
  is their first year of the loss of their loved one,
• 8:51
  maybe the loss of their job, maybe the I don't know,
• 8:55
  but it takes zero to be kind. So I just
• 8:59
  ask you or be kind to people in this season.
• 9:02
  You understand, you know, whether it's been ten years since
• 9:05
  the loss, whether it's been thirty years, whether it's been
• 9:07
  two weeks, whether it's been two months, two years, it
• 9:10
  doesn't matter. Grief never goes away. The emptiness in your
• 9:15
  heart never goes away. Yes, we move on, Yes we
• 9:19
  get up and we say, you know what, just because
• 9:22
  their life and then we have to keep going. That
• 9:24
  doesn't mean you can't grieve that. Because it hurts to
• 9:28
  lose a loved one. It really does. Whether it's a mother,
• 9:32
  whether it's a father, whether it's a sister, whether it's
• 9:34
  a cousin or uncle or aunt, a grandmother, a child,
• 9:38
  a spouse. Because losing a spouse is m it affects
• 9:46
  people differently. Yeah, you may have known that they were sick,
• 9:52
  but that doesn't lessen the pain. They may have left suddenly,
• 9:56
  that doesn't lessen the pain. Grief is grief. So we
• 10:04
  got a few comments. Hey's sus I love you, I
• 10:11
  love you back, I love you, sugar. Hey, my big sister.
• 10:16
  There's my big sister. I love you. My sister says.
• 10:19
  It's real heavy. She said, I'm struggling real bad right now.
• 10:22
  But God, and let me tell you, sus mm hmm,
• 10:31
  grief is never an easy conversation to have. You know what,
• 10:35
  I'm gonna save the mental health check in for the end.
• 10:37
  I'm gonna say the let's let's just jump into tonight's
• 10:40
  conversation because there there there are quite a few people
• 10:44
  that are coming in. So welcome to Welcome back to
• 10:49
  Black Girl Interrupted the podcast, or for my new viewers,
• 10:52
  welcome to black Girl Interrupted the podcast. I am your
• 10:55
  go to podcast where we talk about everything. This is
• 10:58
  a safe space. This is a space where we could
• 11:00
  come in and I just encourage you to love. We
• 11:03
  have uncomfortable conversations. We address situations that some people might
• 11:07
  be scared to tap into. But I'm not afraid. We
• 11:13
  are respectful over here all Black Girl Interrupted. We love,
• 11:16
  we encourage, we empower, but most important that we uplift. Okay,
• 11:21
  this is a safe space. So anything you're discussing here,
• 11:24
  you're gonna be, You're gonna be. It's gonna be received lovingly.
• 11:28
  You understand. Regardless if we agree, we disagree, whatever the
• 11:32
  situation is. I'm always embrace you with love because I'm
• 11:36
  learning and y'all are teaching me. So I appreciate that
• 11:40
  I can now be a student instead of being a
• 11:42
  teacher all the time. So we got some comments. Oh,
• 11:48
  my sister says, unexpected death. She said, Jesus, my brother,
• 11:58
  let's get a ga says, I'm not going in. We're
• 12:00
  always here to support you in your vision. We all
• 12:02
  go through things, he said, crashing out. It's very real.
• 12:05
  I have no relationship with my son for the soor
• 12:07
  reason of his mother. It's tough, and that's what I mean,
• 12:12
  the grief. You're grieving, the loss of a relationship with
• 12:17
  a child, a mother. You know. Juel, Let's get a
• 12:26
  ga say he's praying for you, sis, So here we go.
• 12:36
  This was a kind of a This was a topic
• 12:40
  that I really wanted to stray away from because three
• 12:46
  of my closest loved ones have lost their spouse. Let
• 12:55
  me let me Because before I even did this, I
• 12:59
  had to reach out to someone and I asked, how
• 13:04
  do you feel about me having this conversation knowing that
• 13:08
  this person is on the end of losing a spouse.
• 13:12
  And she said, you know, sister, talk about it. So
• 13:17
  I M I hope tonight I make you proud. I
• 13:27
  know these are wounds that we we we we feel
• 13:32
  like they've healed, but it's a it's like a trigger.
• 13:37
  So I don't want to trigger anyone tonight if you've
• 13:40
  lost a spouse. Oh, but this is a conversation that
• 13:48
  we have to have. M h m hmm. Let me
• 13:58
  let me really kind of take this in a moment. Yeah,
• 14:07
  all right, y'all know, I'm not scared to have this conversation,
• 14:11
  but I also have to be mindful in this topic.
• 14:21
  You know, even last night with grief. You have to
• 14:24
  be delicate with this because grief. We don't like that,
• 14:31
  we don't want to experience, but we do. We don't
• 14:34
  want to deal with it. We don't want to go
• 14:36
  through it, but we have to. And this is a
• 14:39
  conversation that we have to have because we are all
• 14:46
  going to transition one day, and like I said last night,
• 14:53
  some get to experience true love for a long time,
• 15:00
  some don't get it at all, some get it for
• 15:03
  a brief moment. But we're all gonna experience this. Having
• 15:10
  to talk, having to sit down with your spouse, your parents,
• 15:14
  your children and talk about death is never easy. But
• 15:20
  I had to have this conversation with my husband. Oh
• 15:29
  I got it, I got it. I got this. Many
• 15:34
  of you know, or some don't know. My husband was
• 15:36
  diagnosed September twenty fifth with stage two prostate cancer. So
• 15:43
  the first thing that came to my mind was, oh,
• 15:45
  my god, my husband's gonna die. Because when you hear
• 15:49
  the word cancer, sometimes death comes behind it. So we
• 15:55
  had to sit down and we had to start putting
• 15:57
  everything in order. We had to put our ducks in
• 16:00
  a role. Although I didn't want to have the conversation,
• 16:03
  I had to because I may go before him or
• 16:08
  he may go before me. But we have to make preparations.
• 16:12
  We have to sort through our affairs. We have to
• 16:15
  decipher who's this, who's that, the children, the grand babies.
• 16:21
  We have to include everybody in that, the siblings. You know,
• 16:25
  if we go before our parents. We have to sit
• 16:28
  down and we have to have that conversation because we
• 16:30
  have to get our affairs in order. Because the last
• 16:33
  thing you want to deal with when you lose a
• 16:37
  spouse is the financial hardship that comes behind it. So
• 16:43
  we had to sit down and we had to have
• 16:44
  this conversation. It hurt me because I was like, man,
• 16:49
  I don't even want to think about this. But he
• 16:50
  told me, he said, but we have to. He told me.
• 16:55
  I brought it to him and I was like, okay,
• 16:57
  we need to sit down and talk about it. He
• 16:58
  was like okay, and I was like, okay, well, let's
• 17:00
  pick a day in I just kind of let it go,
• 17:03
  and so he grabbed me and he said, you know what,
• 17:05
  he said, I we gotta sit down and we gotta
• 17:07
  have this conversation. And I cried, I said, because I don't.
• 17:12
  I don't wanna think about that. He said, but you know,
• 17:15
  eventually one of us is gonna go. I go before
• 17:20
  you or he goes before We don't know. But we
• 17:23
  gotta get our fans in order. So tonight's conversation is
• 17:27
  how do you deal with losing a spouse? So my
• 17:34
  silter says, no, all these wounds never heal, you just adapt.
• 17:37
  Or mm, that's that's that's so that's heavy. That's heavy.
• 18:02
  Say the wounds never heal, you just adapt. Hmm. Let
• 18:13
  me rull that back in. Y'all know this is heavy.
• 18:19
  But God, don't never give me a battle that I
• 18:21
  can't that I can't overcome. He never gives me a
• 18:25
  battle soul losing, losing our spouse? How does that feel?
• 18:39
  A question that I asked was what is the hardest
• 18:48
  part of losing a spouse? What would be the hardest part?
• 18:55
  I would say to me, is is the companionship. This
• 19:01
  is your person, this is someone you took vows with.
• 19:05
  This is someone that you said, I'm gonna love through
• 19:07
  sickness and hell till death to us part. So now
• 19:11
  the death part has arrived, and it's like from the
• 19:20
  people that I've spoken to, they told me, they say,
• 19:24
  I felt like I lost me a part of me
• 19:29
  because your spouse is your is your other half. That's
• 19:32
  your better half. You know what. Let me correct, that's
• 19:35
  your better half, your spouse, your partner, your clyde to
• 19:41
  the bonding or the bondy to the Clyde in a
• 19:45
  good way. Let me say that in a good way,
• 19:47
  in a good way. Y'all bet not be out here
• 19:49
  robbing no banks and stuff, but y'all get what I'm saying.
• 19:56
  And they went on to say, how do I go
• 20:03
  on from this? One told me.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: That if they had to do life all over again,
• 20:15
  they would still choose them.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my sul says, you don't deal with it. I
• 20:35
  promise you. You have to keep moving or you'll truly
• 20:37
  lose yourself in the midst of your grief. And I
• 20:40
  was told that. I was told that when their spouse passed,
• 20:48
  they didn't know if they were coming or going, because
• 20:51
  this was a person that they woke up to every day.
• 20:53
  This was a person they went to sleep to every day.
• 20:56
  This was a person that they used to hug and
• 20:58
  kiss as they walked out the door to go to work.
• 21:02
  And she said, I still sit by the door, and
• 21:06
  I still wait for him to walk through the door.
• 21:12
  I still sleep with him in the bed. This person
• 21:17
  had had their husband cremated. She said, he stays with
• 21:21
  me every night. She say, but I feel empty A
• 21:27
  lot of days, she says, I come home from work
• 21:32
  and it's silence, silence. I don't have anyone to cook
• 21:45
  for anymore. I don't have anyone to watch my favorite
• 21:51
  show with. I was also told financially, the financial hardship
• 22:03
  that comes along with losing your spouse is you go
• 22:08
  from living a particular life to maybe you have to downsize,
• 22:13
  maybe you have to cut back on some things because
• 22:17
  now it's gone from a two income households to now one.
• 22:24
  I told this a barrage of things that happen, but
• 22:29
  they couldn't just specifically say this is the hardest part
• 22:32
  of that's the hardest part. But they say they feel
• 22:38
  empty the home. The house doesn't feel like a home anymore.
• 22:46
  I was told that when they walk into their home
• 22:47
  it feels strange. It doesn't feel like they're home anymore
• 22:52
  because their maid is gone, their partner is gone. And
• 22:59
  I think about that with my husband when we had
• 23:04
  to sit down and we had to make preparations. We
• 23:08
  had to write out wills and how we want things designated.
• 23:12
  Should one of us go before the other. And that
• 23:16
  hurt me to have to think about that because I
• 23:19
  see this man every day. I lay down with this
• 23:23
  man every day. I wake up, I go to sleep,
• 23:25
  I laugh, I joke. We have a routine where we
• 23:29
  watch our shows on certain days. But again, I know
• 23:36
  this is a conversation that has to be had. My
• 23:44
  sister says, you lose a part of you you'll never
• 23:46
  get back. She said, Jesus, you struggle daily. And that's
• 23:53
  what I've been told, is that you have to. It's
• 24:03
  almost like I have to rewrite my story now, but
• 24:08
  I have to not include this person. But I say,
• 24:13
  you still put that person in your story because they
• 24:18
  were and still will always be a part of your story.
• 24:24
  So I made this. You know, we got everything together,
• 24:29
  We got our wheels and then I hugged them and
• 24:34
  I told them, I set.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: Thank you for preparing me. You know, and he said, no,
• 24:43
  thank you for preparing me. He said, because now we
• 24:46
  have everything in order.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Now we don't have to worry about the financial we
• 24:51
  don't have to worry about people are getting over money
• 24:54
  and what's going to who, because we've already written it out,
• 25:00
  already designated who's gonna do this, who's gonna be in
• 25:03
  charge of that. And again, I know that this is
• 25:08
  difficult for us to have to sit down and have
• 25:09
  this conversation, but please know it has to be had
• 25:13
  because the last thing a widow or a widower wants
• 25:17
  to deal with is the financial struggles because nothing was
• 25:22
  put in place. Now you have family arguing and children
• 25:26
  arguing and saying, well, he told me, I can have this,
• 25:30
  and no one wants to deal with that. So I say,
• 25:34
  get your affairs in order right now, go ahead and
• 25:40
  make the preparations. I understand you don't want to do
• 25:44
  that because you don't want to think about it. But
• 25:48
  if your person, your spouse passes today or tomorrow, then
• 25:53
  what not only are you left to deal with the
• 25:58
  grief of losing your partner, your spouse, your mate, but
• 26:04
  now you gotta deal with the family. Now you gotta
• 26:08
  deal with the money. Now you gotta deal with his
• 26:11
  affairs or her affairs, because no one wanted to sit
• 26:15
  down and have the conversation to get everything in order.
• 26:22
  So again I say, in this season, my sister says,
• 26:28
  just the thought of my husband. It's like you get
• 26:30
  gut punched most days. The emptiness is unexplainable. And I
• 26:33
  wish this pain. I don't wish just pain on anyone.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: I remember the call and I'll mm, and I said,
• 26:56
  what I remember the post and I I'm grieving with
• 27:08
  you because I'm like, this is my brother. You don't understand,
• 27:12
  like this is my big brother right here. I know,
• 27:16
  wait a minute, not this can't be real. Until I
• 27:23
  got the program and I was like the reality said it.
• 27:35
  And then I couldn't get to my sister like I
• 27:37
  wanted to. I wanted to run as fast as I
• 27:43
  could to her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted
• 27:45
  to carry the pain and the grief for her. But
• 27:53
  she told me just pray, just pray for me. My
• 27:59
  cousin who lost her husband the day after my husband
• 28:04
  was diagnosed with prostate cancer. They just got married. They
• 28:11
  had just gotten married. I witnessed their wedding and he
• 28:17
  was gone, and I asked her, I said, I waited
• 28:27
  because when she when she called me, she text me
• 28:33
  and I called, I didn't even text back. I facetimed
• 28:36
  immediately and I just screamed and I was like, no way,
• 28:41
  uh huh, I can't you know it? It It just
• 28:45
  was too much because here my husband was just diagnosed
• 28:50
  with prostate cancer. Her husband passes the next day from
• 28:53
  pancreatic cancer. So I asked her once, you know, the
• 29:03
  ceremony was over and she wanted to talk, and I
• 29:07
  asked her. I said, well, how are you feeling? And
• 29:11
  she said, you know, I'm here. And I said, are
• 29:19
  you living or are you existing? She said, right now,
• 29:24
  I'm just existing. But then she says, you know, now
• 29:31
  I'm living. And I asked her, what does it feel
• 29:38
  like and she said, you know, it's empty. She said,
• 29:50
  you know, I sleep with them in the bed every night.
• 29:54
  She has us urn in the bed with her bible
• 29:56
  and her pistol. I say, girl, she said, my aunt baby.
• 30:02
  She said, you know, I got to protect mine and
• 30:05
  so we talked and she said, you know, if I
• 30:09
  had to choose him, she said, if I had to
• 30:11
  do life all over again, she said, I will still
• 30:14
  choose him. I said, see, you experienced true love on
• 30:21
  this side.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: We were and we were watching the Lauren London episode
• 30:29
  and I said, would you ever date again? She said,
• 30:34
  I don't think so. And she said because I don't
• 30:42
  feel like there's anyone out here that would love me
• 30:45
  the way that my husband did. And that, mmm, like
• 30:53
  you said, says man. That was like a gut punch
• 30:56
  when she said that, because it made me think about
• 30:58
  my husband. It made me think and realized I've got
• 31:05
  the most amazing human I married the most amazing human being,
• 31:10
  and I just could not imagine life without him. He
• 31:15
  is definitely old God. He is definitely my love. He's us.
• 31:23
  Oh that's my baby. Here y'all are Oh my gosh,
• 31:29
  here y'all are there are my babies. Oh my goodness,
• 31:39
  let me take a breath because they are my babies.
• 31:44
  Mm hmm, all three of them are here. And so
• 31:53
  she goes on to tell me. She says, hey'sus, hey baby,
• 32:03
  Juil say thank you for the prayers. Jul says exactly.
• 32:09
  T Sa says ouch mm hmm. So we continued on
• 32:17
  with the conversation and she said, you know, I just
• 32:21
  she doesn't feel like and I understand. And I looked
• 32:24
  at my husband and I, you know, while he was asleep,
• 32:27
  and I was just like, I just don't know how
• 32:30
  I would do life without him. Oh me, she says,
• 32:41
  you know what I've been through. Yes, And that's why
• 32:44
  I'm having this conversation because it's holidays, and I know
• 32:55
  it's heavy for our lot. Again, sum are just are
• 33:03
  this is their first holiday without their loved one. This
• 33:07
  maybe their fifth year, their tenth year, their thirtieth year.
• 33:10
  We don't know. But again, these conversations are imperative. So
• 33:17
  let me ask you, ladies, what is the hardest part
• 33:22
  of losing a spouse? What has been the hardest thing
• 33:30
  for you losing a spouse? And just you could just
• 33:34
  drop in the comments because I've been around these three
• 33:43
  beautiful women and to see their strength, Oh god, it
• 33:56
  just warms my heart. Because these three ladies our strength.
• 34:03
  They're resilience. You understand. Oh goodness. M My sister says,
• 34:17
  she's right, because you'll never get that kind of love again.
• 34:21
  I'm lifting her up in prayer. My baby says, I
• 34:25
  marry the most amazing soul. Thanks, Oh my god, my
• 34:31
  favorite Libra. My baby says, there's no preparing for grief.
• 34:43
  I just keep repeating God's words back to him. My
• 34:49
  sister says, very heavy on me. It's been four years, man,
• 34:56
  has it been? Yeah? So I say to you, ladies,
• 35:08
  I walk with you. I stand in solidarity with you, ladies,
• 35:17
  because you three have shown me strength. You ladies have
• 35:24
  shown me that regardless of what life throws at you,
• 35:30
  you still stay strong in your faith. And oh God,
• 35:34
  I love that. I love that. And if I could
• 35:41
  hug you got ladies a million times over, be bad.
• 35:47
  I'm hugging and never letting go. So again, my sister says,
• 36:03
  it's year ten and it feels like yesterday. Man. Yeah.
• 36:10
  Tsha says, that's my baby right there, my little beige baby.
• 36:14
  She said. The memories are soothing and hurtful. Misha says,
• 36:24
  you learn to live, you learn to live without them.
• 36:29
  Titia says, our greater days are still ahead, and they
• 36:33
  all because God gave y'all real love. God allowed y'all
• 36:41
  to feel your person. We had to eat a lot
• 36:45
  of bad apples, baby, We had to eat them apples
• 36:48
  with the worms and them before God gave you the
• 36:51
  ripe one Jul says, you can't single out one specific
• 36:58
  thing because you truly miss it all, especially in the
• 37:00
  moments when he would do something so crazy and the
• 37:03
  laughter is uncontrollable. Man, I missed that the most, man,
• 37:08
  And I think about that, you know, when I, like
• 37:10
  I said, when we had to sit down and we
• 37:13
  had to make you know, get all the preparations of
• 37:16
  you know, what do we want done after we pass?
• 37:18
  I want to be cremated. He wants to be cremated.
• 37:23
  It was the thought of I can't see myself being
• 37:29
  without it. I'm like YouTube. We have a routine Mondays.
• 37:33
  We watch this show Tuesdays. If we don't watch whatever
• 37:37
  we miss on Monday, we catch up to it on Tuesday.
• 37:40
  We watch something on Wednesday. We have something on Thursday. Friday.
• 37:43
  If we miss anything through the week, we catch up.
• 37:46
  On Friday. We do you know, we run to Waterberg
• 37:49
  or we whatever. We go get chicken Panda Express, whatever
• 37:52
  it is, and it's just us. So I think about that,
• 37:57
  you know, t shall say, giving up is not an option.
• 38:04
  She said that unconditional love, the soul love. She said,
• 38:10
  the good morning, beautiful man, the kiss on the cheek
• 38:17
  or the kiss on the lips. Hey, baby, says, what's
• 38:20
  going on? She said, the sleeping with the urn. Yeah,
• 38:29
  Misha says, you still have to stand they want you
• 38:33
  to go on. It's not easy, but you have to
• 38:34
  stand strong and pray. Tis said. Love doesn't die. No,
• 38:40
  And I don't believe that. I only believe so the
• 38:44
  body stays. But I feel like when they transition, their
• 38:49
  soul comes back somewhere else. I just really truly believe that.
• 38:53
  I'm just saying because my son ain't just like my grandfather,
• 38:56
  like a little old man y'all. But let me ask you,
• 39:01
  ladies this, when you lost your spouse, how did it
• 39:06
  affect you? Because I know mentally it did. I know
• 39:11
  emotionally it did. I know physically it did? Did it?
• 39:16
  You know again, did it hurt you financially? Did you,
• 39:20
  ladies have everything planned out with your husband's I want
• 39:24
  to know, because again, one day I'm going to experience it.
• 39:30
  You're talking to someone who may be on the you know,
• 39:34
  their their spouse may be sick with a terminal illness,
• 39:39
  and and they're saying they're preparing their final goodbyes. What
• 39:43
  are some of the things that you, ladies can share too?
• 39:48
  And you know, to help someone that may be going
• 39:51
  through this. Right now, you ladies have experienced their firsthand.
• 39:55
  You ladies, m how does it affect you?
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: So?
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: Ja Vera says, I hate the times I didn't spend
• 40:22
  with him, allowed this stance to be my excuse, But
• 40:25
  I knew I had more time. T She says, we
• 40:30
  are more powerful in the spiritual rams and we all.
• 40:39
  Teacher says you gotta pray to eat. Jules says, good night,
• 40:46
  everyone praying for us all t She says, you gotta
• 40:51
  pray to brush your teeth, et cetera. Yes, Misha says,
• 40:57
  I miss traveling with him all over the world, the
• 40:59
  walks on the beat, the long talks. He was my everything.
• 41:02
  Missed the make it happen. Oh yes, my favorite sagittarius.
• 41:06
  And he was a real and he was my soul brother.
• 41:10
  I don't care what nobody say. That was my soul brother.
• 41:13
  I think we were connected because we were both Sagittarius.
• 41:16
  But listening at you ladies and speaking with other ladies
• 41:22
  and men who've lost their wives or girlfriends, said it
• 41:30
  took a toll on them emotionally, and so I asked,
• 41:38
  you know, can you explain what do you mean? And
• 41:41
  they said, because I took them for granted. I thought
• 41:47
  I still had more time n SD because we're all
• 41:55
  on borrow time. So I found this video, y'allu with
• 42:02
  Tdjeeks where he talks about how do you have the grief?
• 42:09
  So we're gonna watch this and then we're going to
• 42:11
  jump back into the conversation.
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: I found out later that my daughter and her husband
• 42:19
  had been on that exact same helicopter just a few
• 42:23
  weeks before, so that really struck home to me. I
• 42:28
  think to the greater nation, I would like to say,
• 42:31
  the way you cope with that pain is by grabbing
• 42:34
  close who you have left, loving them, holding them, not
• 42:39
  taking them for granted, sending the extra note, the extra text,
• 42:42
  the extra hug, the extra kind thing. It's the lessons
• 42:46
  we learn of the brevity of life that makes life special.
• 42:50
  If we lived forever and there were no end of life,
• 42:52
  life would not be special. It is death that makes
• 42:55
  life special and understanding that brings it into perspective where
• 42:59
  we stop wasting things like time, yeah, having love for
• 43:03
  people we don't tell them, not resolving old conflicts, having
• 43:07
  unforgiveness are the enemies the cancer that eat up this
• 43:11
  precious commodity that we call time. The real hard part
• 43:15
  is to deal with the family because we lost an
• 43:18
  icon and a star and somebody that we projected ourselves
• 43:22
  on and wanted to be like in some ways. And
• 43:24
  sometimes they lost daddy. They lost daddy, they lost a husband,
• 43:29
  they lost a lover, they lost a secret keeper. That's
• 43:32
  a whole there. As a public figure, I understand there
• 43:34
  is a huge difference between your public persona and who
• 43:38
  you are as a person. Well.
• 43:39
  Speaker 6: Absolutely, I mean you talk about your daughter being on
• 43:42
  that same helicopter. I remember when there was an explosion
• 43:45
  at your home, right, your family was there, right. Your
• 43:48
  wife recently went through a medical emergency and you were
• 43:52
  at a crisis point within your own family with her
• 43:55
  help alone.
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: I've been through many I mean we've been married thirty
• 43:58
  eight years and thirty eight years and raising children. We've
• 44:01
  had almost everything that could happen has happened. A few
• 44:04
  things that happened happened. I don't want them to Okay,
• 44:07
  please God hear me, but you know.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: What happened with your wife's My wife.
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: Went through a major, major surgery and suddenly it was
• 44:16
  Saturday morning. She's getting up to go to address the
• 44:19
  women at the church, and she texted me I was
• 44:21
  in the kitchen doing something that said help, I'm in trouble.
• 44:24
  And I got back there and in a few minutes
• 44:26
  she had collapsed on the floor. So all of a sudden,
• 44:29
  I have these paramedics all around her. We've had to
• 44:31
  call nine one one. That image will be with me
• 44:34
  all of my life. There I am riding on the
• 44:37
  back of an ambulance with my wife to a hospital
• 44:40
  while they do ekg's trying to rule out her heart.
• 44:43
  Come to find out that she had three feet of
• 44:46
  dead literally dead intestines inside of her.
• 44:49
  Speaker 6: From that moment of a family crisis, as I said,
• 44:52
  the explosion at your home in Dallas, with the family there,
• 44:56
  your wife's health, how does Bishop j comfort Bishop Chase.
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: You know, I don't I take the luxury of being human.
• 45:06
  I very rarely get it. So I wasn't trying to
• 45:08
  be a pastor at that moment. I was trying to
• 45:10
  be a good husband. I was trying to protect my
• 45:13
  family when the back end of my house exploded. The
• 45:15
  pool equipment up under my house exploded, and in a
• 45:19
  moment everything sucked all the water out of the pool,
• 45:22
  shattered glass through cinder block for about twenty feet down
• 45:25
  the backside of my yard, right above my son's bedroom.
• 45:29
  The only thing that mattered to me was getting my
• 45:32
  son out of there.
• 45:33
  Speaker 6: Your journey started at age seventeen as a minister.
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: Yes, what called?
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: You were in West Virginia.
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: I was in West Virginia. I recognized the call to preach.
• 45:43
  I was terrified of it. I ran from it for
• 45:45
  about two years.
• 45:46
  Speaker 6: Is it literally a call where you were lying in
• 45:49
  your bed and something says this is what you must do?
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: It is? It is both a call an attraction. It
• 45:58
  is like still and it pulls you. It's destined.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: How long did you run from it?
• 46:05
  Speaker 5: Two years too? Wow? Crazy, timvestous, bad years that I
• 46:11
  don't want to talk about on TV. But yeah, yeah,
• 46:14
  I ran from it because because I tried to convince
• 46:17
  God that I was not the right guy. You know,
• 46:20
  I told him a very telling statement. I said to him,
• 46:24
  get one of those good people to do it.
• 46:26
  Speaker 6: So you saw yourself as a bad.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: Person, not one of those good people, not one of
• 46:30
  the good.
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I wouldn't go so first to say I thought
• 46:33
  I was a bad person. But I didn't think I
• 46:35
  was one of those naturally good, pristine, holier than dow
• 46:39
  kind of people. Now I'm kind of glad I wasn't.
• 46:42
  I think the strength of my ministry has been my
• 46:44
  normalcy and the fact that I connect with people.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: You're approachable. I'm approachable.
• 46:48
  Speaker 5: I'm a guy. I'm flawed, I laugh at myself, I
• 46:51
  make mistakes. I'm a regular person. But back then, ministers
• 46:55
  didn't do that. They were like Gord bad a little
• 47:00
  bored step doubles this. You know, little heard h.
• 47:17
  Speaker 4: M hm.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Man. Just to hear that and to know that he
• 47:26
  could have lost his wife in that moment. Beautiful, just
• 47:32
  a just a beautiful story and a beautiful take on grief.
• 47:41
  So t Sa says, no regrets. Misha says, you know him.
• 47:49
  He loves you. Sis, Tcha said, girl, get up. Masha says,
• 47:56
  I would love to come up and share some of
• 47:58
  my stories. I send you the link, Sis, come on.
• 48:01
  Tisha says, Greater is the affliction of those that are chosen.
• 48:06
  Good night, I love you, I love you, honted bun.
• 48:15
  Speaker 6: So.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: Again, I asked, how does losing a spouse affect you?
• 48:23
  You know again, I've I've heard that it's affected them mentally.
• 48:27
  It's affected them emotionally. Some people have said it affected
• 48:34
  them spiritually. And I was just, you know, trying to understand.
• 48:41
  And they said, you know, when when you lose someone,
• 48:44
  you're you're angry at God because it's like, how dare
• 48:49
  you take my person away from me? How dare you
• 48:54
  tell that person that they can't be with me anymore?
• 48:59
  So hold on, here's my sister. Let me get her own. Hey,
• 49:05
  sugar plum. Okay, let me see h let me see
• 49:12
  if I could fix your mic. Let me okay, you're
• 49:17
  so beautiful. Let me see if I can do your mic. Okay,
• 49:30
  hold on before you do that. Okay, So she's gonna
• 49:34
  come back in. But I asked, I said, well, why
• 49:38
  were you upset with God? And they said, because this
• 49:42
  was my person? How could you give me somebody and
• 49:45
  then you take them away from me? So I understood it,
• 49:50
  you know, I respected it. You know, I didn't like it,
• 49:54
  you know, because I don't know. Maybe I don't know,
• 49:57
  maybe because not My faith in God is so strong,
• 50:00
  and I understand that. You know, we're all gonna go,
• 50:03
  you know, we're all gonna go one day again, some
• 50:11
  than others, you know, some get to experience of love longer,
• 50:15
  some don't get to experience it at all. So we're
• 50:19
  just patiently waiting on my sister. So while we're waiting
• 50:25
  again for everyone that is just now tuning in, welcome
• 50:28
  back or welcome to Black Girl interrupted the podcast. It's
• 50:31
  your girl, Ashley, your favorite girl from the Bible, for
• 50:35
  bringing you another beautiful episode. So for the month of December,
• 50:39
  we are discussing grief. Tonight's conversation is how do you
• 50:43
  deal with losing a spouse? So I have my sister
• 50:46
  getting ready to come on to talk share some stories
• 50:52
  about how it's been for her. She lost her husband
• 50:55
  four years ago. And again, this is the time of
• 50:59
  year holiday it gets heavy for people, you know, it
• 51:02
  gets very heavy. Let me go ahead and grab her.
• 51:06
  Let me grab her. Oh come on, it says, all right,
• 51:13
  hold on, let me see if I could fix you?
• 51:15
  Look so pretty? Let me see. All right, let me
• 51:20
  see can I fix your mic because I got you
• 51:27
  in here, see if that will work for you. If not,
• 51:39
  I'll change it back on the AirPods.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: I got it.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Here. Let me do to the AirPods say, this is
• 51:55
  one of the reasons why I just despise.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: Apple.
• 52:03
  Speaker 7: I can take him out if you want me to,
• 52:06
  so we can hear you. So let me Le'm gonna
• 52:09
  take out my AirPods.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: All right, there we go.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: You're good, Okay, you do.
• 52:17
  Speaker 7: I am behind bless and Ali favor. I know what
• 52:22
  you're doing. So you can ask me any questions, allow answer,
• 52:28
  and I'll share my story.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: So let me ask you. This is your number four
• 52:34
  mm hmm without your husband mm hmm when he first passed.
• 52:44
  What was your thought process? What were you like when
• 52:49
  you got the news?
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Well, I didn't get the news.
• 52:55
  Speaker 7: I was there watching him take his last brom hmmm.
• 53:00
  I held his hand, talked to him. I played our
• 53:06
  play music, slow music that we listened to when we
• 53:08
  go to bed at night when he's on the road.
• 53:11
  And I knew that was gonna be the last time
• 53:15
  because it was different.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: It was different.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: What was different about this time than any previous times with.
• 53:27
  Speaker 7: Him because it was like.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: A feeling.
• 53:34
  Speaker 7: That he wasn't gonna be anymore like the butterflies I
• 53:40
  used to have. Butterflies weren't there no more. My heart
• 53:46
  was just aching.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: No.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: It felt different.
• 53:52
  Speaker 7: So when he was like alive and wasn't going through
• 53:55
  what he went through and butterfly, and it was like
• 54:02
  a numbness start coming over me and my heart just
• 54:06
  feelt like it was very heavy, and I was praying
• 54:09
  and crying. But the most part that when everything happened
• 54:17
  that Wednesday night, I talked to him, good Spirit, was
• 54:21
  it nothing like he was normal? So the next morning
• 54:25
  he called me the spirit still I'm at work and
• 54:28
  were talking about nine o'clock you get ready to you know,
• 54:33
  get on the road or whatever. So eleven o'clock his
• 54:38
  auntie called me. He was like, oh, they rushed him
• 54:41
  to the hospital. I said, what, he's not doing good?
• 54:45
  I said, what, you know? Everything was just like two
• 54:48
  hours later, it just went but he was He went
• 54:53
  to drop his load off and when he went in,
• 54:55
  the guy said he was normal when he came in.
• 54:58
  He went back out to his truck and they was
• 54:59
  trying to understand why he was bagging the truck on
• 55:02
  the door. So he told the guy, he said, go
• 55:05
  out there and see what's going. I was just taking
• 55:07
  him too long to put the truck on the door.
• 55:10
  Went to the truck. He was slumped over, foaming at
• 55:14
  the mouth. It rushed to the hospital, put him on
• 55:18
  life support. Come to find out he had an aneurysm
• 55:22
  and it burst in his head. And the most difficult
• 55:29
  part leaving and he not coming with me at the
• 55:35
  fly all the way out to Nebraska and getting on
• 55:39
  that plane along without him.
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: I was along.
• 55:43
  Speaker 7: I was lost, And it feels like it's just yesterday.
• 55:50
  It happened because he was in love with my life.
• 55:54
  I had to learn that it wasout him till this day.
• 55:58
  He always the stuff happened. He'll come in my memorism
• 56:03
  on Facebook, or see a red bird h some song
• 56:08
  will come on that was our favorite son. He just
• 56:11
  let me know I'm still with you. I'm just not
• 56:14
  that in the flesh. I mean, he was in spirit.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: So I learned it's not easy going through that at all.
• 56:20
  Speaker 7: It's not like when they are the provider to protect
• 56:25
  the provider and the protector and your everything.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: And you'll have a routine pattern y'all call.
• 56:30
  Speaker 7: Each other in the morning, you sit down and eat
• 56:33
  in the morning together, you know, have a routine, and
• 56:36
  then when that routine change, it's hard.
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: So you know my house I had, I sold it.
• 56:45
  Speaker 7: You know I sold it because I couldn't stand there house.
• 56:50
  I could smell it sinning there like, it's smelling like,
• 56:55
  and I still have things to this dive as motorcycle
• 56:58
  right now, and I'm going to get rid of it
• 57:01
  because it's just sitting. It's just sitting little stuff. Over
• 57:06
  the years, I have let go. But it's so hard.
• 57:10
  It's so hard.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: So let me ask, shoot Sis, give passes. You have
• 57:20
  to come back to Mississippi. Mm hmm, So Mom, you
• 57:35
  can do it to Mississippi.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: You walk in that door. What did you say? What?
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: What did I say? What was my thoughts?
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: You come in?
• 57:54
  Speaker 7: I just start I just started crying. I stayed in
• 57:58
  the bed. I got up, like, took a shower, and
• 58:01
  laid it down. I was in the bed for two weeks,
• 58:04
  but not two weeks, I'll say. After the funeral and
• 58:08
  all that kind of stuff. When I came back, I cried.
• 58:10
  My kids were there for me every step of the way.
• 58:12
  My kids were there with their mom. And I had
• 58:17
  so much to do. I had to plan for a funeral.
• 58:22
  It's eighteen wheeler was in the shop. It was just
• 58:25
  so much and it was all on me, right, But
• 58:30
  it's a God I served.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: I just got job.
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: God God I saved.
• 58:40
  Speaker 7: He carried me through it. When I say I was
• 58:45
  noumb I didn't even grieve the first year. I was numb,
• 58:51
  you know. When I started grieving the second year, I
• 58:56
  heard it hit me.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: It hit me, you know.
• 59:01
  Speaker 7: When he passed away and I did the funeral and everything.
• 59:06
  I come home, I say in the bed two weeks
• 59:11
  my little white neighbor.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: You know, she's sweet, she could be. I used to
• 59:14
  take care of her. She said, he wouldn't want you
• 59:17
  to do that.
• 59:17
  Speaker 7: Get up out that bed, Get up out that bed
• 59:19
  and come drink some coffee with me, That's what she said.
• 59:22
  I said, no, she said, oh yeah, I'm gonna come
• 59:24
  over there and get you that.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: Girl. You know you coffee. You go sit on that
• 59:30
  front porch. You was a cigarette. He was smoke a cigarette.
• 59:33
  Yeah yeah, oh man.
• 59:35
  Speaker 7: But my neighbor, this Barbara, rest her soul because she
• 59:39
  passed away too, and she was my strint.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: She was eighty some years old. She was my strint.
• 59:46
  So he wouldn't want you to do that.
• 59:48
  Speaker 7: So after I did all that, sold the house and
• 59:52
  everything and moved to where I'm at now, I went
• 59:57
  to school to get my dinners assist a license. I
• 1:00:00
  saw it and I got my Grayoit permit. So I
• 1:00:05
  kept my mind moving. But then when that mind stopped,
• 1:00:10
  that's when it hit me.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: The reality said in I heard that a friend of mine.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 7: I kept I kept busy, you know, I kept busy.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: You know, a friend of mine had lost his wife.
• 1:00:19
  He said, she's been going six years now. He said,
• 1:00:24
  the first two years, he said, I just I just
• 1:00:28
  kept going and going and going and going. And he
• 1:00:30
  said what triggered? He was in the mall mm hmm
• 1:00:34
  and uh. He had walked into some store and they
• 1:00:38
  were playing a song.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: M hm oh. Them songs get you every time.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: Said he broke. He said, man, and people's getting ready
• 1:00:46
  to take me to jail. They thought I was. He said,
• 1:00:48
  I had to tell the security guard. He talked about no,
• 1:00:50
  he said, I lost my wife. Answer, yeah, she was misdiagnosed.
• 1:00:57
  H which happens a whole lot. But he said he
• 1:01:00
  went in the store and he said it was an
• 1:01:02
  Anita Baker song. He didn't say what song, but he was.
• 1:01:04
  He said it was just Anita Baker.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 7: He said, the songs will get you every time, I
• 1:01:11
  promise you. And I listen to music, but I don't
• 1:01:13
  listen to it like I used to because we had
• 1:01:16
  a playlist and we had a bunch of music, like
• 1:01:18
  when we travel over the road, because like he doesn't
• 1:01:20
  tell me the foty eight country.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: I done been to forty eight states, like all over
• 1:01:24
  the world. You know.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 7: So learning to deal with him still to this day,
• 1:01:32
  because you know, we buried him the day before Thanksgiving
• 1:01:37
  and a week after that it's his birthday, his birthday
• 1:01:40
  December to sixth. You know, him and him are sgittary,
• 1:01:43
  So it's like a bittersweet moment for I mean, right,
• 1:01:47
  but I still celebrate him after death. I keep my memories,
• 1:01:54
  you know, close to my heart and I tell people
• 1:01:58
  all the time it's so okay to cry as long
• 1:02:02
  as you want because that's them, your feeling, them, your emotions.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 7: Can't nobody tell you how long I'm to greed. Can't
• 1:02:09
  nobody tell you how to feel? That's your feelings, right
• 1:02:14
  and their Vadley.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: You know I said that last night. You know, there's
• 1:02:17
  no timeline on grief. You know, this whole month of December,
• 1:02:21
  I'm talking about grief. You know, last night I spoke
• 1:02:24
  on how does it feel a lose a parent? Now
• 1:02:26
  it's how do you know how do you do with
• 1:02:28
  losing a spout?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I lost my dad. I found my
• 1:02:31
  dad dead.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: So I remember that. I remember I went through.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 7: That too, So I feel your pain dealing with your
• 1:02:37
  dad because I was a daddy girl. Straight up, you
• 1:02:41
  couldn't say nothing about my daddy. Baby, it's gonna be
• 1:02:44
  some friend movie something about my daddy. You know, I
• 1:02:47
  love my mom, but my dad, oh no, no, no, that's.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: A no, that's a whole different type of love.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: And then losing him, my dad, then losing him.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 7: Both of them was my hero and my rock. It's
• 1:03:01
  like it took something out of me. I can't even
• 1:03:06
  I can't even explain the feeling. But I'm more now calm,
• 1:03:13
  but I'm very sensitive and I'm asking God to heal
• 1:03:17
  those areas where I'm sensitive because like, it took a
• 1:03:23
  big chunk out of me. And people don't understand. They'd
• 1:03:28
  be like, you cry too much?
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: Well I don't.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 7: I cry, but I don't cry like I used to.
• 1:03:32
  I'm getting better with that. But people like you cry.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: Why you cry?
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 7: I said, First of all, you ain't experienced what they experience,
• 1:03:41
  so you are never understand.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: And that's exactly what I said at the start of
• 1:03:44
  the show. I said, be kind to people because the
• 1:03:49
  tables will turn. You will get be on that receiving end,
• 1:03:54
  and you're gonna want someone to have great and empathy
• 1:03:57
  for you wartime, whether it's a spouse, whether it's a child,
• 1:04:03
  whether it's a mother, a father, a sibling, a grandparent.
• 1:04:07
  You're talking about all of that this month in December,
• 1:04:11
  because these are the holidays. It gets heavy. Yes, it
• 1:04:14
  doesn't matter it's twenty years. It doesn't matter if it's
• 1:04:17
  been two years six. Stop telling people to get over.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: No, you one thing about it.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 7: You'll never get over it, but you learn how you're
• 1:04:27
  you'll learn how to deal with it better.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Right as time progress.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 7: You know, I don't understand you know people, because we
• 1:04:40
  all got to go down that journey, whether we want
• 1:04:42
  to go or not. But when you see somebody going
• 1:04:47
  through that, talk to him, Listen to him, be a
• 1:04:50
  listening here. A lot of people are turning it back
• 1:04:53
  on you and go They say I had to go
• 1:04:55
  through myth by myself, and you know you you would.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: Text me or call me.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 7: It's how you do on and I just you know, no,
• 1:05:02
  I appreciate everybody who checked on me. But the ones
• 1:05:05
  that I really want to embrace me, they embrace me.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: And it's the hardest part. And that's what I said
• 1:05:11
  last night. I said, everyone is there with you the
• 1:05:14
  first three months, maybe six months. You're maybe six months
• 1:05:17
  with somebody, yes, But then after that the phone calls
• 1:05:20
  become foreign, few in between because they don't want to
• 1:05:23
  hear that. But then when their time comes, they want
• 1:05:27
  you front and center. So I tell people, extend grace
• 1:05:30
  because you're going to be on that end where you're
• 1:05:34
  sitting front row and you got to hold that lid,
• 1:05:36
  or you got to carry that earth. However that you do,
• 1:05:39
  what that remains in the end, you gotta deal with
• 1:05:42
  that in the end. I had to do that when
• 1:05:45
  my daughter lost the father last year, yes, you know,
• 1:05:48
  and it was whether I saw eye to eye with
• 1:05:51
  him or not. I had to stand up and I
• 1:05:53
  had to be there for her. You understand, because I
• 1:05:57
  lost my dad. You know, when my husband was diagnosed
• 1:06:02
  with price state cancer, we had to start getting everything
• 1:06:05
  in order. I didn't want to have that conversation because
• 1:06:07
  I didn't want to think about life without him. You know,
• 1:06:09
  when he told me had cancer, I was like, what,
• 1:06:12
  how the hell did that happen?
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 7: You know, the one thing about it. God is a
• 1:06:19
  great physician man. No matter what the doctor says, God.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: But God, But God.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: Baby, when I tell you, faith more than a muscle.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: See what the doctor said. When he go back to
• 1:06:33
  that doctor, he gonna get a good report. Believe in
• 1:06:39
  it right now. In the name of Jesus.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 7: God will never fail you long as you keep your
• 1:06:44
  faith and he keep his faith. Hey, God perform miracles
• 1:06:50
  every day.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: Because baby, when it when it came, when he when
• 1:06:52
  he called me and gave me the news, I didn't
• 1:06:56
  even think about me in that moment. I just how
• 1:06:59
  does he feel? Understand? And they called it early stage two.
• 1:07:04
  He starts radiation on the eighteen next Thursday. But like
• 1:07:08
  I told him, God had already healed you. You just
• 1:07:13
  got to take the human medicine because your recovery is
• 1:07:16
  going to be beautiful. And ever since I changed, and I've revamped,
• 1:07:23
  let me say this, revamped my relationship with God. He's
• 1:07:26
  opened doors that I never thought that I would be
• 1:07:28
  able to open. God has moved on my behalf. And
• 1:07:32
  this is why it was imperative for me to have
• 1:07:35
  this discussion in the month of December, because grief is heavy,
• 1:07:39
  and people have lost their faith when they lose a love,
• 1:07:42
  when they're mad at God. And I understand, I get it.
• 1:07:45
  I was mad with God when my father past.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was telling you out.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 7: And then I used to tell you don't feel like that, man,
• 1:07:52
  I was.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: I'm angry. I was like, oh my God, this girl
• 1:07:55
  right here.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 7: I couldn't but you grow, you have grown, and I'm
• 1:07:59
  so I am so so proud of you.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: I had to, Like my therapist told me, my house
• 1:08:10
  had to be torn down and rebuilt because God says,
• 1:08:15
  how can you live in a house with a roof
• 1:08:16
  and only a foundation? M And I say, but I've
• 1:08:20
  been making it. He said, but how was that turned
• 1:08:23
  out for you? You're in a house with a roof
• 1:08:26
  and a foundation. You don't have nothing to hold that
• 1:08:29
  roof up. So eventually it was gonna collide. It was
• 1:08:32
  gonna collapse.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 5: HM.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: So I had to learn to extend the same grace
• 1:08:39
  that I wanted to other people. I had to learn
• 1:08:42
  if I wanted empathy, I had to give empathy, you understand.
• 1:08:44
  I had to redefine my relationship. I had to sit
• 1:08:48
  down with me, and I had to say, you know what, God,
• 1:08:52
  I'm ready. I need you to come and I need
• 1:08:58
  to change my heart.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, thank you Lord.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: I need you to save me from me. Yes, because
• 1:09:06
  I was my worst enemy. A lot of people don't.
• 1:09:08
  And that comes with growth, and that comes with age,
• 1:09:12
  that comes with wisdom, that comes with experience busing people,
• 1:09:16
  that comes with getting things replaced. Because when God took
• 1:09:19
  my dad, I asked God, I said, how am I
• 1:09:23
  supposed to do this? I'm in Alabama. I don't I'm
• 1:09:27
  never planned no funeral here. I'm by myself. So God said,
• 1:09:33
  He's always I'm gonna send some people to you. He
• 1:09:36
  sent my father's church family to me. And every day
• 1:09:41
  that I was in Alabama until the day that I left,
• 1:09:44
  they stood there was my pillars. You understand. When I
• 1:09:47
  felt like I couldn't get across that finish line, they say,
• 1:09:49
  come on, we're gonna drag you across.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: Mhm.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: So even when my husband told me he had cancer,
• 1:09:57
  I said, I immediately prayed because you know, once they diagnosed,
• 1:10:03
  you know, you gotta go in for the scans to
• 1:10:04
  make sure it ain't nowhere else. And I told him,
• 1:10:06
  I said, let me tell you something that can't say nowhere.
• 1:10:08
  It's still in the same spot where they found it.
• 1:10:10
  It's in his prosty. He went in, did the scans.
• 1:10:14
  He was nervous. I said, what your nervous spots say?
• 1:10:16
  Maybe I didn't already talk to God. God says, you
• 1:10:19
  are you? Doctor told him, he sat up. The cancer
• 1:10:26
  ain't nowhere else in your body. It's just still in
• 1:10:28
  your prosty. You're healthy, you got a strong heart, You're livable, good,
• 1:10:34
  every every organ in his body looks good. So his revery,
• 1:10:39
  it is wonderful. Absolutely. I told him, you're gonna look
• 1:10:43
  back at this and we're gonna be like ba. You
• 1:10:46
  remember remember that weapon that form and it prospered just
• 1:10:49
  a little bit, but God came and took it back.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 8: You remember that, Remember remember that weapon that for just
• 1:10:54
  a touch? It didn't it didn't prosper all the way,
• 1:10:58
  but just a touch. So I'm grateful when I have
• 1:11:03
  these conversations because I get to learn from the ones
• 1:11:11
  that have experienced. So it prepares me for when my
• 1:11:15
  time comes, or when my husbands time comes. We know
• 1:11:18
  how to handle it, we know how to deal with it.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 7: If you don't have God, if you don't have God,
• 1:11:23
  you don't have nothing. And one thing, I'm looking at
• 1:11:26
  you and I know you mean you.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: You have grown so much.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 7: I'm so proud of you. Because they don't know Ashley.
• 1:11:38
  Ash I know he was alive, a wild card, a
• 1:11:44
  wild card, didn't care one fight. I said, wait, hey, chill,
• 1:11:47
  I but I thank God for your growth and I'm
• 1:11:52
  gonna shore and let me share something with you about
• 1:11:54
  my dad. I didn't even know my dad had prostate
• 1:12:00
  council at all. You know how I found out when
• 1:12:05
  m service got the medicine and I said what that
• 1:12:08
  medicine for? He said, for prostate counsel? I said what?
• 1:12:12
  My daddy held it from us. But my daddy was
• 1:12:18
  at his last stage, Like you know, he was at
• 1:12:20
  his last stage, and my daddy was stubborn, and uh,
• 1:12:25
  they put it to cathea. He was like, I don't
• 1:12:27
  want that. I said, did you you'rein it? He was like, yeah,
• 1:12:30
  I did. He probably didn't. And what happened to fluid
• 1:12:33
  backed up and choked him.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I experienced.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 7: That, you know, planning for his funeral by myself, didn't
• 1:12:42
  know which way to go. But thank God for his
• 1:12:45
  nephew and his nephew's wife. They was there every step
• 1:12:49
  of the way. I didn't know which way to go,
• 1:12:52
  and my husband had passed, so he was there. He
• 1:12:55
  took a lot of load off of me too. I
• 1:12:57
  was like, planning a run is not easy. And then
• 1:13:02
  trying to greed at the same time.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: In the midst of all of that, because you can't
• 1:13:08
  grieve because you have to be able to focus and
• 1:13:11
  function to make these arrangements. You have to focused and
• 1:13:15
  be able to function through this. And then when the
• 1:13:19
  funeral comes, you still got to keep it together because
• 1:13:23
  guess what, you got to stay strong for you. You
• 1:13:25
  gotta stay strong for the.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: Family, the grandchildren, the great grandkids.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: All of that, the nieces, the nephews children. But then
• 1:13:34
  it was like, once that's said and done, once that
• 1:13:39
  day is over, m it's what do I do now?
• 1:13:45
  Where do I go now?
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: One thing?
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 7: One thing when you when you're dealing with when you're married,
• 1:13:53
  if you go a he go first or whatever, when
• 1:13:55
  you're dealing with that, you have to gather you to
• 1:14:00
  other because it'll mess with your mental.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: That was my question was how did losing him? How
• 1:14:08
  did it affect you? Again, it affected them spiritually, A
• 1:14:14
  lot of people, like I said, they were mad at God.
• 1:14:16
  I've heard some people say it took a toll on
• 1:14:18
  them physically.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 7: Well, it didn't take control of me mentally, spiritually, because
• 1:14:25
  we'd already talked about it, because he, you know, travel
• 1:14:28
  a dangerous highway a lot, so you know, he would say,
• 1:14:33
  you know, if somethingow to mean while I'm on that
• 1:14:35
  road traveling, I want you gone with your life. Don't
• 1:14:38
  set around and weave and cried, and you know, enjoy
• 1:14:41
  your life. Because I lived my life. You know, it
• 1:14:43
  was time for me to go. It's time for me
• 1:14:44
  to go. And we you know, we had those conversations often.
• 1:14:48
  But this time when he left, he kept saying he
• 1:14:51
  had a headache, and I was like, well, you need
• 1:14:53
  to go to the hospital and let him do something,
• 1:14:56
  you know, see what's going on with your head. And
• 1:14:59
  he he had a hat with his name on it
• 1:15:02
  in a blanket. I used to pray over it, you know.
• 1:15:06
  He used to take it all the time on the
• 1:15:07
  road in his hat. This particular time he left the
• 1:15:10
  hat and the blanket and I said, oh my god,
• 1:15:16
  he never leave home without that.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: He is a hug he gave me when he left
• 1:15:25
  it felt different.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 7: And on that trip him traveling take that load, he
• 1:15:35
  was calling me every minute on the hour, on the hour,
• 1:15:39
  video calling me, playing music like he was just all
• 1:15:42
  over the place.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: But he was happy.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 7: Though I'm saying to myself, like, Lord, what is wrong
• 1:15:48
  because he don't call me at me anytime. I mean,
• 1:15:50
  he was just And when I said at that bed
• 1:15:56
  on side of him, I got up and got on
• 1:15:59
  my knees.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: I just prayed and cried after God.
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 7: I said, God, whatever your will is, which what what
• 1:16:09
  your will is not mine?
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: Or what your will lives? And he just took that
• 1:16:18
  thing off here. I looked over there that was wrong with.
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 7: And like I say, people don't know my story if
• 1:16:34
  they don't read out the chapter. And I have, you know,
• 1:16:39
  been a lot like to myself, like I don't like
• 1:16:43
  a lot of chaos or nothing. I just like peace.
• 1:16:48
  It's peace because when you're dealing with something, and like
• 1:16:53
  I said, my heart go out to you. And God
• 1:16:56
  brought your husband to it, He gonna bring him through it.
• 1:17:01
  I want you to be strong, baby, I want you
• 1:17:05
  to be strong. You have to be strong for him
• 1:17:08
  and for yourself because us as women's we have the
• 1:17:14
  praying warriors for our husbands. I know he probably prayed
• 1:17:22
  that you pray too, and you know, and you haven't
• 1:17:27
  grown so much, and God ain't gonna bless you with
• 1:17:32
  something that you love so much and take it from
• 1:17:35
  you because you deserve everything you have.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: So let man ask Shoo says, spent four years.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: Would you ever get back into the dating game again?
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: I'm married.
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 7: It took me a minute, but I did it. It
• 1:18:11
  was hard, but I remember the things we talked about,
• 1:18:18
  like I want you to keep living your life. Don't
• 1:18:22
  put your life on hold because I'm gone. I'm not
• 1:18:25
  coming back. And we had these conversations. I'm like, boy,
• 1:18:32
  stop talking like that. I don't want to hear none
• 1:18:33
  at you know, we had those conversations.
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: So I'm happy.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 7: I've been married going on three years and he's been
• 1:18:45
  gone four years.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: I see the glow. I see the glow, and I
• 1:18:53
  could see all them goals in his mouth, him grinning
• 1:18:56
  big as hell.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 7: He just wanted me to be happy. But after after
• 1:19:01
  life he leaves, he wants He still wanted me to
• 1:19:03
  be happy. He still wanted me to enjoy myself. He
• 1:19:06
  don't want me to be like sad all I can
• 1:19:10
  do is keep our memories close to my heart, you
• 1:19:14
  know what I'm saying, and be there for his son.
• 1:19:16
  And that's what I've been doing, being up for his son.
• 1:19:19
  You know, that's my baby. It looked just like his dad.
• 1:19:23
  You know, he's my baby. And he's he traveled too.
• 1:19:26
  He works, you know, travel all over the world. They
• 1:19:28
  call me all the time, Mom, what you're doing, what
• 1:19:30
  you're cooking?
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 7: And I'm so proud of him because I had to
• 1:19:36
  think about his feeling as well, and I had to
• 1:19:39
  deal with my feelings and his feelings, you know, him
• 1:19:44
  expressing hisself to me, I'm already dealing with it, and
• 1:19:48
  then I'm trying to be strong for him and me.
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 2: So it was a challenge. But it's okay.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: It's okay. How is love or love and life been
• 1:20:00
  after his passing? What made you say, you know what,
• 1:20:05
  I'm gonna try this love thing again?
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 7: Well, I put to you like this, He told me
• 1:20:14
  these exact words. I'm gonna say it again. Go on
• 1:20:16
  with your life. He's not coming back. He wasn't coming back,
• 1:20:21
  So he didn't want me to put my life on whole.
• 1:20:24
  I said, I wasn't gonna never be with no body
• 1:20:26
  no more. And that was selfish of me to even
• 1:20:30
  say that to myself, because.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 2: He wouldn't want me to be unhappy. He wanted me
• 1:20:36
  to be happy, love still.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: And then still help. You were denying yourself.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: That, yeah, and he didn't want me to do that.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: And that's what you know, looking at videos and just
• 1:20:49
  listening to like grief.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: I was in a grief support group when I lost
• 1:20:54
  my dad and it was the guy that it was
• 1:20:57
  the leader that was in there that lost a husband,
• 1:20:59
  and that was one of the questions they asked. They said, well,
• 1:21:02
  do you feel like you'll ever experience love again? She says, well,
• 1:21:06
  you know, my husband's two years. I put myself out
• 1:21:11
  there now, you know, because his life ended mine didn't.
• 1:21:17
  So why deny myself the happiness? She said? My love
• 1:21:24
  for him will never go away. I didn't get married
• 1:21:27
  to fell a void. Yeah, I wanted happiness.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: It's something that he said to me.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 7: He said, I gave I'm giving you half the happiness
• 1:21:40
  and after death, I still want you to be happy.
• 1:21:43
  He wasn't selfish, you know, And that's what having some
• 1:21:48
  kind of conversation even when you don't want to have him.
• 1:21:51
  It's good even when you don't want to hear, because
• 1:21:55
  just the magic your husband passed away up, God forbid it,
• 1:22:00
  and you didn't have these conversations and you're gonna be
• 1:22:03
  running in your head. Did he want me to move on?
• 1:22:05
  Did he want me to be happy? It plays a
• 1:22:08
  big key and some people don't like to talk about it,
• 1:22:10
  but it's best to talk about it.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: And it was uncomfortable because when he was at when
• 1:22:15
  he was diagnosed with cancer, we were already in the
• 1:22:18
  process of putting wheels together, you know, because I told him,
• 1:22:21
  I said, you know, we're married. Now we gotta start
• 1:22:24
  putting pain and paper. Now we gotta start putting everything
• 1:22:26
  in black and white. I say, because everything I went
• 1:22:29
  through when my daddy passed, I don't want to go
• 1:22:31
  through that with you because my father's family. The baby, I.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: Have to tell you what.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 7: I'm gonna have to tell you what I have to
• 1:22:39
  tell you off the screen because baby, you know Suster
• 1:22:43
  mile can be lethal. Yeah I can't, Baby, I got
• 1:22:47
  some stuff to tell you. Baby, you're gonna be You're
• 1:22:49
  gonna be like what, Yeah, baby, I went through something,
• 1:22:52
  but you know what me and the type of person.
• 1:22:56
  It's not about material things with me. It's about the
• 1:22:59
  love right that we shared because no money in the
• 1:23:03
  world can.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: Buy that, and money ain't gonna bring them back, Nope.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: At all.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: It was so when we were talking, so we sat
• 1:23:13
  down and we started writing everything out. I say, well,
• 1:23:15
  I need to know what do you want done with
• 1:23:17
  your remains? If you go before me, what do you want?
• 1:23:20
  Do you want a funeral? Do you want to be cream?
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: What do you want? He said, no, I want to
• 1:23:24
  be cremated. He said, but just make sure that my
• 1:23:28
  children have some of my ashes. He say, you could
• 1:23:31
  do whatever you want with the rest of them, he said,
• 1:23:33
  but just make sure that my children. I said, your children. No,
• 1:23:38
  he said, I want my children. He said. When I
• 1:23:41
  say that, you're he said, I'm talking about all six
• 1:23:44
  of them, because he has three and I have three.
• 1:23:47
  And I said, okay, I say, well, do you want
• 1:23:50
  your ashes scattered somewhere? Like? Do you want you want
• 1:23:52
  them to go back to California? What you want? Because
• 1:23:55
  I told him, I say, because I'm not arguing with
• 1:23:57
  nobody family, I.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 7: Need you to everything headache the boy and and they
• 1:24:04
  do it now. But what yeah, yeah, we're talking about
• 1:24:09
  on the back end.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: On the back end, I told him, I said, because
• 1:24:12
  I'm not arguing with family, I say, because I'm gonna
• 1:24:15
  tell them. If something happens to you right now and
• 1:24:18
  you haven't put anything in writing, baby, come on, come
• 1:24:21
  get his body to take him on back to California.
• 1:24:22
  I'm not gonna argue.
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 7: See, that's the best thing to do. Like people, them
• 1:24:27
  are some uncomfortable conversation. But to keep the peace within
• 1:24:31
  yourself in your household, which I'll created, you got to
• 1:24:35
  be putting that on paining and paper because if it's
• 1:24:38
  not on paining and paper and they still got somebody
• 1:24:40
  else's name on that, and then you know, remove them
• 1:24:43
  out there. Guess what, it's gonna go to them and
• 1:24:45
  not you, and that's gonna be a problem.
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 2: So it's best to put it on paying and paper,
• 1:24:49
  you know.
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: And that's what I told him. I said, put it
• 1:24:53
  in right, We're going to get it notarized. I say,
• 1:24:56
  because I'm not arguing with no family about you. I'm
• 1:25:00
  not arguing with your child, I said, I'm not arguing
• 1:25:02
  with the children. I'm not doing anything of that. I
• 1:25:05
  won't whomever goes first. I needed to be less stressful,
• 1:25:11
  because it's already hard enough that I gotta deal with
• 1:25:13
  you being gone.
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, who I.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 1: Got to deal with your family doing this, so I
• 1:25:19
  got to or you got to deal with my family
• 1:25:20
  saying this, So you got to do this. You got
• 1:25:22
  to do that. We're not arguing.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 2: I've been look, I've been that done at noon.
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not doing it because I will get to
• 1:25:33
  a point where I say, you know what our ship
• 1:25:35
  is body on the California Baby, y'all do with what
• 1:25:37
  you will. I told him, I said, we've got to
• 1:25:40
  put you know, mortgage protection on the home in case
• 1:25:43
  you go before me. You know, the house not the
• 1:25:46
  house will be paid off, you know.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 2: See one thing about it?
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 7: With that, With that right there, I'll touch you in
• 1:25:53
  the back end because I'm gonna tell you some stuff
• 1:25:54
  you can do because you know I know, but I'm
• 1:25:56
  gonna tell you some stuff on the back end that
• 1:25:59
  to pay for itself.
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: But it was just so when it back to you,
• 1:26:06
  you're married, it's been four years. How does your husband.
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: Feel one thing about it?
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 7: He's so understandable, like you know, you accumulate stuff and
• 1:26:19
  you know in that past, you know he left me
• 1:26:25
  a lot of stuff. So he wouldn't the type of play.
• 1:26:27
  Get rid of that, you go unt, he said, that's yours.
• 1:26:29
  You keep it as long as you want and don't
• 1:26:31
  bother me.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 2: He wouldn't.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 7: Never like he said, how can I judge a man
• 1:26:36
  that's them past that I don't even know if you
• 1:26:39
  loved him.
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: I love him too, And that's rare. You know.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 2: He's he's old school, see, and.
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 1: That's and that's baby. It's something about them old school men.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: They're understandable. They're understandable.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 7: Like if they if they mama's boys, if it's a
• 1:26:57
  well man treated his mother, he gonna treat you just sign.
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because when my daughter's I think her.
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: Phone is, he's gonna treat you just signed, you know.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: And you sound like a robots. You sound like a
• 1:27:17
  I don't know what huh. Go out and come back in,
• 1:27:28
  Go out and come back in. We're having some type
• 1:27:34
  of technical difficulties. See, this is exactly why I am gonna.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 2: Come on.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: Hold on, let me take you off from you. Let
• 1:27:46
  me take you off from you. Call on my phone
• 1:27:54
  while there you go.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 2: Can you hear me?
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 2: I can't hear you.
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: You may have to go out and come back in.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 2: Go out and come back in.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: All right, So we had a couple of technical difficulties,
• 1:28:12
  but that's okay. She gonna go out and she's gonna
• 1:28:14
  come right on back in. But having to okay, here
• 1:28:19
  we go. Okay, yeah, right, good, I can hear you perfect.
• 1:28:25
  So when my daughter's father passed away last year, my husband,
• 1:28:32
  he wasn't my husband yet. We was on the wait
• 1:28:35
  to be in that. But he understood. He said, y'all
• 1:28:38
  sharing a child together. You know, I could understand you
• 1:28:42
  being sad. And I was saying, it's not he's not.
• 1:28:43
  He's not selfish and mine not selfish. Like he don't
• 1:28:47
  like that petty little stuff. And Nick Naton ain't into that.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 7: He's about God, working, providing, protecting, enjoying ourselves.
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 2: All all that other stuff. Outside of that. We don't
• 1:29:02
  care nothing about it.
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: And that's him because, like I said, when I when
• 1:29:07
  my daughter's father passed, he wasn't in Houston yet. He
• 1:29:13
  came the following month. My daughter's father passed March thirteenth,
• 1:29:17
  twenty four. He came April, like almost the end of April.
• 1:29:21
  But he was understanding, you know, I said, you know,
• 1:29:23
  I'm gonna go to the SERF. They didn't. They had
• 1:29:25
  a memorial service because he was cremated, and it was
• 1:29:28
  a whole and this and and you know what, And
• 1:29:32
  I'm so glad I brought that up because that was
• 1:29:35
  my daughter's father's situe. He was married and I don't
• 1:29:39
  know what the deal or the issue was, but the
• 1:29:42
  wife left him in the hospital for like two weeks.
• 1:29:45
  She refused to sign off for the funeral wann to
• 1:29:47
  come get his body, because remember, when you're married, your
• 1:29:55
  children can't you know, they could make medical.
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 7: Nobody came and nobody moved nothing but you, right, So
• 1:30:04
  it got me to thinking.
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: And that's why I you know, I say, you know,
• 1:30:08
  we gotta have this conversation because he passed on the thirteenth,
• 1:30:13
  and I want to say he was I want to
• 1:30:15
  say before the funeral home came and got it. I
• 1:30:17
  want to say a mayas in almost two weeks before
• 1:30:20
  she finally signed off for a funeral home to come
• 1:30:23
  and get his body.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: That's weird.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: We'll talk about that on the back end.
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, don't talk, don't say no more. But I.
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: Am going to keep having these conversations because they're needed.
• 1:30:39
  Their warning there.
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 7: There are important. They are important. Brother a person want
• 1:30:44
  to talk about it or not. I tell people all
• 1:30:48
  the time, black and white, and when you married, you
• 1:30:52
  need to get all that stuff. Great, why that person
• 1:30:56
  in their right mind? Because if they started dripping now,
• 1:31:00
  you're gonna be messed up.
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's gonna be strung out in court for two, three, four, five,
• 1:31:07
  six years. And a lot of wants to go through
• 1:31:09
  that because at the end of the day, I want
• 1:31:12
  to be able to greet you understand. I want to
• 1:31:14
  be able to feel what I need to feel right then.
• 1:31:16
  I don't want to wait. I want to feel it.
• 1:31:19
  I don't want to be all tied up in litigations
• 1:31:22
  with you because you want the car and healing and
• 1:31:25
  I'm this and that.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 2: Let's see one thing, one thing about him.
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 7: Everything nobody didn't just mean right, no, nothing, no argue
• 1:31:38
  none that. But it's a couple of things happen. I
• 1:31:42
  tell you in the back end, you're gonna be like what.
• 1:31:45
  But I was like, I'm through, I'm done. I was done,
• 1:31:49
  Like I don't conversate with them people and nothing.
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 2: I don't nothing because the.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 7: Things what I don't like about people when a person living.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: Oh they love you to death.
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 7: Yeah, when they pass away, they look at you like
• 1:32:05
  you ain't never exist because that person ain't alive to talk.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm the.
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 7: Type of person if you treat me like that when
• 1:32:14
  something might happen, something like that happened, I'm not dealing
• 1:32:17
  with you at all, Like I don't trust you. You
• 1:32:19
  done lost my trust everything. Like I'm just a different breed.
• 1:32:23
  I'm just different. Like I'm straight up. If I like you,
• 1:32:26
  I'm not gonna change them or be the same person
• 1:32:28
  every time. You know that you've been knowing me for
• 1:32:31
  years and I'm not gonna switch up. If anybody switch up,
• 1:32:35
  it's gonna be you, not me, right, because if I
• 1:32:38
  say I'm a sister, a friend, I'm there for you,
• 1:32:41
  I meant just that, you know, And it's just it's
• 1:32:46
  just when I went through that, the people that I
• 1:32:50
  thought would be there, nothing nothing.
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 1: What if the holiday has been like for you, because
• 1:33:02
  remember the holidays get heavy for a lot of people.
• 1:33:06
  So no, let me back up before you answer that question.
• 1:33:11
  The year of first is always the hardest because you
• 1:33:14
  know that's the first year without him for their birthday
• 1:33:17
  and for the holidays. Can you tell me about that
• 1:33:20
  first year, the first birthday without him, the first Thanksgiving,
• 1:33:27
  the first Christmas.
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 7: Okay, you know, like I say, they buried him a
• 1:33:33
  day before Thanksgiving, but they still cook. I just wentn't
• 1:33:37
  into it, like I wasn't dealing it. Then his birthday.
• 1:33:42
  I just then watch movie Cride.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: You go to New Orleans. I think I saw you
• 1:33:50
  you were in New Orleans.
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 2: No, No, I didn't go to New Orleans.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 1: Or were those just the pictures that.
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 7: You remember it the memories because we would that's what
• 1:33:57
  we would have been in New Orleans, somewhere.
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 2: We'd have been some we've been somewhere. But it was
• 1:34:05
  just hard, like.
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 7: And like now, his birthday was the sixth, and like
• 1:34:12
  my husband, I guy, now he understands, like he don't
• 1:34:14
  like get mad at me or what's wrong with you,
• 1:34:18
  He don't do none of that. He comforted me, he
• 1:34:21
  console me, and and you know, it's okay. And that's
• 1:34:27
  what that's what real love is like if a person
• 1:34:30
  can accept the things that you're going through and hugging
• 1:34:34
  you while you're going through it.
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 2: Hey, you in the right spot. You're in the right place.
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 7: Because a lot of means will not do it like
• 1:34:41
  at all?
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: Like at all?
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 1: So here we are here, it's been four years. This
• 1:34:47
  is the fourth birthday without him. Where are you in
• 1:34:53
  your mind? Now?
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 2: Okad, I'm at peace. I had to let it go.
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 7: I to get his clothes. I still had his clothes.
• 1:35:11
  Oh my god, choose cologne. I had to give my grandson,
• 1:35:15
  our grandson all this cologne.
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 1: I hear that all the time.
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god.
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 7: So one day I got up, I got up the lord,
• 1:35:28
  I'm ready release.
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: Release.
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 1: Was it something in you that you knew you were?
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 2: It wasn't your time?
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 7: It was time because after you passed away, I went
• 1:35:44
  like eighteen months. I conversated, but like on a friendly thing,
• 1:35:51
  nothing more or nothing less. But after eighteen months, I
• 1:35:55
  was like, ooh, I got to he wouldn't want me
• 1:36:02
  doing this.
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 1: When I was putting this episode together, they said, after
• 1:36:10
  about a year and a half or two years, is
• 1:36:12
  when you finally are ready to.
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 2: Like eighteen months, will get.
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 1: Rid of Yeah, get rid of their clothes, because they
• 1:36:19
  said that that's the last thing you get rid of
• 1:36:21
  is their clothes. You know, you'll you'll get rid of
• 1:36:23
  you know when it first happens, you know, oh yeah,
• 1:36:25
  you can have the car, you can have this, But
• 1:36:27
  the clothes they something.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 2: To take his. I used to take his jacket and
• 1:36:34
  scent smell it.
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I thought, when the one that they cut him
• 1:36:38
  out of, I just thow that away. Eighteen when eighteen,
• 1:36:43
  the eighteen months that I was into it, add in
• 1:36:46
  the bag, I just smell it.
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 2: So what they cut him out of and I got
• 1:36:53
  rid of it, I had to let it go.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: What was the hardest part of that for you?
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: Letting them go so much?
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 7: It's a lot like different things, Like like I said,
• 1:37:12
  the traveling, the being's watching my NFL sports Alabama fans.
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 2: We roll ties all day long, and you know we're.
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 7: Watching college football, We're watching NFL football basketball. You know,
• 1:37:32
  him taking me, tell me to an NFL game the
• 1:37:34
  Cincinnati Bengals. I went there and tooking together, getting in
• 1:37:40
  our jacuzzi, just having that meantime, quite the time together
• 1:37:45
  that that was. That plays a big part in our
• 1:37:49
  relationship that we had.
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: You know, So now that you're remarrying, do you see
• 1:37:56
  any qualities of him in your new husband?
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 7: Oh no, oh no, oh no, uh uh huh, you
• 1:38:04
  already know. Oh no, day night and day. Well, when
• 1:38:09
  I say the one, I am not as humble.
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 2: You know, your brother in law, a true.
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 7: A true sagittary to the heart, got on my nerve.
• 1:38:22
  Now when he passed away, I said, Lord, he didn't
• 1:38:24
  get on my nerve.
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 1: Lord, but God had to give you him to find
• 1:38:31
  who you really, truly were meant to be with. And
• 1:38:34
  that's not to say that that was not your love,
• 1:38:36
  because he was. Because you got to experience true love.
• 1:38:39
  Because I remember the conversations we had when I was
• 1:38:42
  with old boy and and you know, when you were
• 1:38:44
  talking down the highs and the lords.
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 7: But you know when you say that, say that, I'll
• 1:38:51
  be ready to throw up.
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 1: Girl, I can't want your name. Who bet is a mess,
• 1:39:00
  A whole bottle of Crown Roll. I'm gonna get.
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 2: You on, babe.
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 7: You know I don't even drink, but I probably drink
• 1:39:04
  some Crown roll. You tell me what's going on.
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 1: Baby, This is, this is hennessy with this is I
• 1:39:10
  don't know, no.
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 2: Moon moon shine, moonshine.
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: Because that's that's we'll talk about that on the back end.
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 2: We got to talk about that on them.
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 7: You know, we can't say I can't say too much
• 1:39:23
  on here because people be trying to figure out this,
• 1:39:25
  that and the other. It's cool, but like I say,
• 1:39:28
  the biggest part of thieving went downing it just who
• 1:39:34
  he was. He was the life of the party. He
• 1:39:37
  was a family man. He was a hard working man.
• 1:39:40
  He loved everybody, anybody come in contact with. He's gonna feed, help, cook, baby, cook, cook.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 2: We love to cook. I just just missed the adventures.
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 7: Holding hand, walking on the beach, you know, watching the
• 1:39:58
  sunset come up, watching them uh you know, sun go down,
• 1:40:03
  you know, being in the mountains with him. It's doing
• 1:40:05
  you know, adventurous things together and you know, him just
• 1:40:11
  loving on me, loving me past my pain or any word,
• 1:40:15
  just making sure I was okay, we was okay, you know.
• 1:40:20
  Speaker 1: And I think, you know a lemon not even say
• 1:40:22
  I think I know for a fact that he is
• 1:40:26
  looking and he is smiling. He's like, she's smiling again. Yeah,
• 1:40:32
  you want that for you? And I think I believe
• 1:40:35
  that you can't experience true love twice. I believe you can't.
• 1:40:43
  I believe that first one prepares you for the one
• 1:40:46
  that you're gonna go with.
• 1:40:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is it.
• 1:40:52
  Speaker 7: Yeah, for this, I'm gonna be by myself.
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean that because.
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: We is getting too old, trying to figure out what
• 1:41:04
  your favorite color is.
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 7: I ain't no teenage or nothing, and what you like
• 1:41:07
  to eat and all that.
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 1: Sit up home till three.
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 2: My nerves A look, my nerves ain't patient.
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 1: Do you hear me?
• 1:41:15
  Speaker 2: I know?
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 1: Somebody all over again.
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 7: That's the part I'm talking about. That's why I said
• 1:41:21
  I'm good.
• 1:41:22
  Speaker 1: I told my husband that. He was like, would you
• 1:41:23
  move on if I passed? I was like, let me
• 1:41:25
  tell you something. It's gonna take a minute, I say, Baby,
• 1:41:28
  I'm knocking on fifty, sir. I said, you ain't fifty.
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 2: You ain't fifty yet.
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: Almost you have your fifty.
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 2: Boy, I'm you know my grand bay bout that in Texas?
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 1: Uh in Houston?
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, here's yes where you're at. I have to come
• 1:41:44
  see you gap come on. My son wanted me.
• 1:41:48
  Speaker 7: To move after. I ain't got time. They be driving
• 1:41:51
  too fast up there, Houston. You have been been a
• 1:41:54
  randover your sister.
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 1: I'll be driving, I told him. I said, but you're
• 1:41:58
  from Los Angeles, baby, I said, you should be use
• 1:42:00
  of this. I say, because on y'all inter state, y'all
• 1:42:02
  drive like y'all on the NASCAR racetrac.
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 2: I got out here and my.
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: Pool little sixty seventy on the Inner State. Baby, they
• 1:42:13
  want you to just run, run, run, run run. Well,
• 1:42:17
  you staying on, I'm gonna go ahead and wrap up
• 1:42:18
  the show.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because I got the Uh, I got to get out.
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 7: My little niece keep blowing my phone. I got to
• 1:42:24
  pick up from work. That's who kept calling my phone.
• 1:42:28
  And she texted me and said she off work.
• 1:42:32
  Speaker 1: And her phone goes again, her phone goes again. Well,
• 1:42:42
  once I wrap up, I'm gonna call you. Well, her
• 1:42:45
  phone hangs up again, but I want to go ahead
• 1:42:49
  and I'm gonna end on this note. Losing her spouse
• 1:42:54
  is never easy, having to sit down and make arrangements,
• 1:43:03
  those final arrangements for your loved one. It's never easy,
• 1:43:07
  but those conversations are absolutely imperative. True love can happen again.
• 1:43:19
  When that person leaves, your life continues. It's like a book.
• 1:43:27
  You gotta flip the page and you gotta pick the
• 1:43:28
  pin up and you gotta write again. No one ever
• 1:43:34
  wants to lose their spouse, no one ever plans for that.
• 1:43:37
  But there's my cousin. What's good cousin. We're gonna hit
• 1:43:42
  you up this weekend. We got a track for you.
• 1:43:46
  Let me just say that, we gotta track for you, baby,
• 1:43:51
  We got a track for you. So losing a spouse again,
• 1:43:56
  it's never easy. Sometimes it's unexpected. Sometimes we know either
• 1:44:05
  way we have to do. I want you to be
• 1:44:12
  kind to yourself, be easy to yourself, be gentle, and
• 1:44:20
  if you know someone that's grieving, extend some type of grace,
• 1:44:26
  show some type of empathy. Because it's heavy, it's heavy
• 1:44:32
  because it's a bad man. You gotta hear this song, man,
• 1:44:36
  This song is live, I promise it is. But be
• 1:44:40
  kind and be gentle to people, not just in the
• 1:44:44
  holiday season, but every day, because someone's grieving something, someone's
• 1:44:49
  going through something. I want to thank my soul Step
• 1:44:52
  for coming on tonight and sharing her story and what
• 1:44:55
  it was like and how she's bounced back since losing
• 1:44:59
  her It's been four years ago. I mean some of
• 1:45:09
  the word episode without a whole lot of crime. Y'all
• 1:45:11
  know me, but I want to say I love y'all
• 1:45:14
  so so so much. Black Girl interrupt. The podcast will
• 1:45:17
  be back next Tuesday again for the month of December.
• 1:45:20
  We're discussing everything grief. So next week's episode will be
• 1:45:26
  what is grief and how do you deal with it?
• 1:45:30
  I will have a special guest with me next Wednesday,
• 1:45:32
  so y'all tune in for that. I stream live to
• 1:45:35
  Facebook and YouTube every Tuesday, every Wednesday, seven pm Central Time,
• 1:45:39
  apm e Stern time. You are able to catch all
• 1:45:42
  the recaps on all streaming platforms. Just put in black
• 1:45:45
  Girl Interrupt the podcast and Babe, you're gonna see your girl.
• 1:45:49
  I'm making moves, y'all. I'm coming for everything they took
• 1:45:52
  from me in twenty twenty five, but I'm kicking the
• 1:45:55
  door in for twenty twenty six. So we're gonna round
• 1:45:58
  out the years so beautifully. And anyone that is looking
• 1:46:03
  to do any type of collaborations, because I'm always looking
• 1:46:05
  for a guest. If there's a topic that you want
• 1:46:08
  me to discuss, if there's something that is going on
• 1:46:11
  in your city and you want me to represent, you
• 1:46:13
  want me to shout out whatever it is you got
• 1:46:15
  going on, send me an email. There's an email address
• 1:46:20
  right there, black Girl Interrupted Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 1:46:24
  Let me know if you want to come on. If
• 1:46:26
  it's a story, if it's again, if it's something you
• 1:46:28
  want to share, if it's a conversation or a topic
• 1:46:31
  that you may want to talk about it and you
• 1:46:33
  feel like you know what actually is gonna be the
• 1:46:35
  one to do it, send me an email and then
• 1:46:38
  I'll reach out and then we'll link up and we'll
• 1:46:39
  put something together and we'll make it magic, because that's
• 1:46:43
  what we're all about over here. Black girl interrupt the podcast.
• 1:46:46
  So I just want to say to y'all, I love y'all,
• 1:46:49
  God bless y'all. I hope y'all enjoy the rest of
• 1:46:51
  your night. I hope you have a beautiful and yet
• 1:46:53
  amazing rest of the week. And be kind to yourself,
• 1:46:56
  Be easy to yourself, take care of your mental baby,
• 1:46:58
  put them boundaries. Start telling people no because you all
• 1:47:03
  to yourself because you only get one life. Ain't no
• 1:47:08
  do overs, ain't no take backs, ain't no rewinding. It
• 1:47:15
  still goes on. But I love y'all, God bless y'all,
• 1:47:19
  and I'll see y'all next Tuesday, seven pm. Cut your time,
• 1:47:22
  don't forget to like, share, comment, and subscribe. Baby, don't
• 1:47:24
  forget to bring a friend. Tell a friend, let him
• 1:47:27
  know how we get down over here. On Black Girl.
• 1:47:28
  That's around the podcast. Love y'all, hollor Oo, wait a minute,
• 1:47:34
  I'm not ready just yet, but I love y'all. God
• 1:47:38
  bless you. I'm praying for you, I'm ruining for you.
• 1:47:40
  Whatever it is that you're going through, you're gonna make
• 1:47:43
  it over. I promise you're gonna be a okay. Love you,
• 1:47:48
  holl love
• 1:48:02
  Speaker 2: What would be