Latest / Dear Son, / Don't Let Anyone Disqualify You | Ep 221 | The Dear Son, Show

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Don't Let Anyone Disqualify You | Ep 221 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: President watching my son do a thing or two that could lead to you finish a step.
0:08
[SPEAKER_00]: If you slip right here, you may have to double back and catch this whole phase yet again.
0:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the essence of time, I don't want to watch you do that son, but is it necessary for me as the father?
0:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to let him do it because if I catch him and put him there and he doesn't get this lesson at level one, imagine if he takes that character or behavior to level 10 and then that's when he actually decides to act on it because he didn't get the lesson at level one.
0:41
[SPEAKER_01]: The challenge for me with my son, my old son specifically has been
0:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, question in his focus on the thing.
0:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it looks different for us with two different people, so of course it would.
0:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But through the lens of like my experience, this is how it looks when I get it.
0:59
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what the activity looks like when I'm serious about a thing and his doesn't show the same way.
1:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And we live, whether to the distance show, or have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of fatherhood.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's forefathers those with fathers in the fatherless, so nobody's left out.
1:21
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the conversations we want our sons to access as they grow through life into men who, so no topics are off limits.
1:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm one of your host, J.
1:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Black.
1:28
[SPEAKER_00]: D. John's the other host.
1:30
[SPEAKER_01]: What's up, good brother?
1:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, we ain't chill.
1:32
[SPEAKER_01]: We ain't chill, isn't it?
1:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Hold on, this, uh,
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Cool, yeah, bris, yeah, a bris a fall morning man.
1:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited about it if I must be honest.
1:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's hear it.
1:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, I've swear to enough this year.
1:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
1:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just need that to come on through like share and subscribe at the top of the show.
1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: That way.
1:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, shoot, man.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, uh, it's bris can't so wear in this month.
1:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So, hence my, my, my pink deer son, retired a day, we always like to be actively engaged in the community.
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I, I, I, I applaud that we do a good job with having those conversations and touching in with people.
2:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:11
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you guys shaking me?
2:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, it's a full quarter for the fact for the more, for the little pressure.
2:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, when it's coming, we're going to end strong, yeah.
2:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Collectively and personally, yeah.
2:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel it though.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I do too.
2:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm actively making changes like I've been sharing with you.
2:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I haven't shared publicly, but I've been sharing with you adjustments.
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:33
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been talking about it and I'm trying to put the talk to action.
2:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I popped out this morning.
2:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, man, I'm for the
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the old me, that's the cram in 30 times in the science 60 minutes.
2:52
[SPEAKER_00]: commit, dedicate yourself to the episode.
2:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go do the miles after the show, guys.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So I took that off, I held it.
3:02
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a worthy thing, but still one thing at a time.
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just put it in its appropriate place.
3:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, not abandoning the thing all together, but yes.
3:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything out of place, right?
3:11
[SPEAKER_01]: That's been a thing this week.
3:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think we made some, think I made some ground where people understand it in the house that the frustration is not me helping do a thing.
3:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It's me working around your schedule for you to change my schedule because because that's the view change of plans.
3:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You change your plans that I plan to round.
3:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And but we we get that.
3:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I definitely use my words of since last episode and uh, had some conversations there.
3:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Get in there.
3:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's key.
3:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Get in there.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's key, man.
3:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm working on the same.
3:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, got up off camera conversation for you.
3:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That's quite hilarious.
3:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just don't want to I don't want to dump it on the camera.
3:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Who don't get right to it today?
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a wonderful topic.
4:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's it's on par.
4:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What we've been doing, especially a conversation.
4:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I was
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Dear son, don't get your qualifications disqualified.
4:25
[SPEAKER_01]: In the rest of the time because shout out to my son, he just had his graduation, graduated from Lincoln Tech, electrician and electronics discipline.
4:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So he started that path and there's a qualification process today, right?
4:37
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a qualification process to get in the school, to finish the school, to get to the ploma and ongoing, right now you're the work force that are trying to enter the
4:52
[SPEAKER_01]: throw back to my time of corporate that were continuing education is in qualifications that I had pursue.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's one aspect of it.
5:01
[SPEAKER_01]: The flip side of it is allowing someone to disqualify you in a way and you accept it.
5:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know what I mean?
5:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You're you're worthy of a thing.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You achieve the thing.
5:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve a thing.
5:18
[SPEAKER_01]: and somebody that doesn't, or hasn't worked for that thing, starts to tug it.
5:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Why you got it though?
5:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And you start to pull it into your thought environment.
5:31
[SPEAKER_01]: initial talks.
5:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let me creep in.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
5:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:34
[SPEAKER_00]: First off, congratulations, congratulations, young generation.
5:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:37
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to play his face.
5:38
[SPEAKER_00]: That's amazing.
5:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That's big stuff.
5:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I watch that young man work for that thing.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm excited.
5:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm proud of him.
5:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait to see him in person to tell him myself.
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, for me, this is personal.
5:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Guys, like I'm trying to make certain that all habits.
5:58
[SPEAKER_00]: don't resurface for me.
6:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a history of being quick to anger and frustration.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, once I'm angry, I'm frustrated.
6:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always been easy for me to act on that anger or frustration.
6:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm too old for that now.
6:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I have too many lessons to draw from to show me that it's not worth doing those things.
6:42
[SPEAKER_00]: to change things you've worked so hard for.
6:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You've done a lot of things that have gone noticed or unnoticed, that you've built yourself to be the type of person that you wanna be.
6:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're qualified to be said, father or husband or community involvement, whatever that he is.
7:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And perhaps you'll go through a storm,
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: of things happening that make you second guess, if it's all worth it, if it wasn't worth it, you wouldn't have been working towards it for the amount of time that it took you to work towards.
7:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to unpack the whole thing in the intro.
7:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's kind of my lane, if you will, I want to, because I have several, it's so easy
7:38
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, the fall and to that though, because that's been the, it's been cyclical, even just applied it to this platform, like you work, you work, you work, you work, and you know it's the thing to do.
7:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But sometimes that external validation in terms of it reaching, right?
7:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even necessarily people agreeing with everything or anything, but it actually reaching the audience, man.
8:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Like every week, every couple of days now, if not daily, is that man, y'all gotta keep going.
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: This man, this helped me, this was right on time.
8:16
[SPEAKER_01]: But I quote myself this week on YouTube, dialing in on the one comment.
8:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, dialed in on the one comment.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was so interesting because it was a comment on our most successful show today.
8:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We had a few things caught traction on social media, but on YouTube, by and large, the most successful, the most view, most watch, watch time, this, most comments, and that one comment caught me,
9:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I actually belong in this space?
9:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Is this like, right?
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I know all these people are saying this helping them, but yeah, this one person though, one person.
9:16
[SPEAKER_01]: The one person, so the outlier.
9:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes that outlier stands out.
9:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Coming from a statistical background.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I was responsible for metrics and a supply chain organization.
9:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
9:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Why does one ought to take 300 days?
9:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That one ought to deal.
9:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:34
[SPEAKER_01]: In the years how?
9:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Man.
9:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I want to walk through the first portion of it of,
9:44
[SPEAKER_00]: from my son's standpoint, because obviously they are actively checking into their next phases of life.
9:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I've witnessed young men and women graduate high school and they have a certain level of motivation, energy, drive, if you will.
10:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do this.
10:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do that.
10:03
[SPEAKER_00]: This is my goal.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be a nurse.
10:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be a doctor.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be an electrician.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You've done the things, especially if you're one of those students or children or young people that have this been your focus for quite some time.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't work on this since sixth grade.
10:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I went into these pre-made programs, etc., etc., graduated high school with my associates, all of the things.
10:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you're qualified, those are your qualifications that allow you to go into these programs.
10:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you get off to say it's school or training program or environment.
10:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And now the distractions enter into the environment.
10:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So real, it could be social, it could be difficulty.
11:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it just came easy for me in high school.
11:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I actually have to sit down and study.
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never been a studying person.
11:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I now, at this big phase, have to learn to study or what studying looks like, what studying looks like for me.
11:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to actually humble my brilliant self and say, I need a tutor.
11:25
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big thing I've heard taught performing students, say, like in the tutor is a pride for things.
11:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the last episode, the thing about if a father's child needs counseling.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine us taking that as my failure.
11:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Same with a brilliant student.
11:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, having to admit, I need help.
11:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I need a tutor.
11:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I need someone who's actually stronger in this subject than I am.
11:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You can disqualify your qualifications by having being too prideful to not seek that help.
12:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And now your pre-med dreams are crashed because you couldn't get past chemistry or anatomy was whipping you in a different way that you did not expect.
12:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So now all you had to do or attempt to do was reinvent yourself, find what the fixie is.
12:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a sacrifice here and re-dedicate here.
12:26
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
12:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
12:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Or how hard is it to
12:30
[SPEAKER_00]: to judge between, I'm watching my son or my children, but like I say for the second platform, perhaps I'm watching my son do a thing or two that could lead to you for the miso step.
12:47
[SPEAKER_00]: If you slip right here, you may have to double back and catch this whole phase yet again.
12:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the essence of time,
12:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to watch you do that son, but is it necessary for me as the father?
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to let him do it because if I catch him and put him there and he doesn't get this lesson at level one, imagine if he takes that character or behavior to level 10 and then that's when he actually decides to act on it because he didn't get the lesson at level one.
13:20
[SPEAKER_01]: The challenge for me with my son, my old son specifically has been
13:25
[SPEAKER_01]: like question in his focus on the thing.
13:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And because it looks different for us with two different people, so of course it would, but through the lens of my experience, this is how it looks when I get it.
13:38
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what the activity looks like when I'm serious about a thing and his doesn't show the same way.
13:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was the struggle of not even the struggle, but it was finding the right cadence of,
13:52
[SPEAKER_01]: pushing him, challenging him, like if he, are you on task?
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you up to day with your work?
13:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to not ask that.
14:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but history to a point suggested I need to ask that, right?
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It then I became mindful of when I felt like he understood that I wanted the best for him and also his life is in his hands.
14:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Not me completely walking away by any stress,
14:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to want these decisions for you because the last thing I wanted or want in general for any of my children is for them to achieve a thing that I wanted they didn't.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
14:32
[SPEAKER_01]: For nothing.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
14:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there are probably examples of where that makes sense.
14:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But in terms of positioning them for life, that they're gonna live outside of my oversight outside of my house
14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't want that to be the thing for them.
14:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And watch them go through this program for electronics and electric electrician and electronics.
14:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So computers and things like that, I guess, circuits or whatever they study, those things.
15:07
[SPEAKER_01]: But to see the application, right?
15:09
[SPEAKER_01]: My wife remodeled the bathroom.
15:12
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the bathrooms.
15:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
15:14
[SPEAKER_01]: updated right gave it gave it some character because it was just playing right yes and she changed light fixture and you know I saw stuff come in and her and Donna that talked about it and he was going to change the light right yeah I didn't want to insert myself and try to suggest that there's
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: on a certain tier or this belief that he could do it, introducing it down into it.
15:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just kind of hung back, logic for that.
15:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And when he was ready to do it, he was like, there can you help me.
15:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Certainly.
15:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me let me let me learn a few things because I know what I've done in the past, but that's, I haven't been formally trained.
16:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You've been formally trained.
16:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so, at this point, I can defer to you or at least we're gonna find out.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
16:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So he was like, hey, can you flip the breakers
16:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
16:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, one cool.
16:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's the whole cool.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So we went through that process.
16:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, five found the right break, it turned it off.
16:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And I let them go.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Then he called me when he needed help because I needed the whole fix.
16:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Why he was gripping the wires and all of that.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was successful.
16:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, that was the, you know, cool.
16:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like cool.
16:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But,
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I said, I learned the back off challenging.
16:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you getting this on?
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you, can you even, like, even the way that I showed up for helping him or I try to be mindful of how responded to him when you need to help?
16:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, when I walked past and watched him do some, I made sure it was clear that I'm observing to learn.
16:54
[SPEAKER_01]: not observing to tell you that you're doing some incorrect.
16:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've seen it with that.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Another example of it, where it's an all-going process because Emani's not Emani's on a med contract.
17:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's going to be in school for a civil future.
17:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay tuned.
17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay tuned to the part.
17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We see what 20, 30 looks like.
17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But she's one of those where high school
17:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that, I don't even, I don't think we've been to a teacher conference for Emani, it's third grade, and even then they were like, like, why are you here?
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:34
[SPEAKER_00]: We know we got the sign up sheet, but there are people that actually need this base.
17:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
17:40
[SPEAKER_01]: To watch her go into these courses where she needs a tutor, but she has no problem asking for the difference.
17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: When she says she's struggling, honestly, my first response wasn't getting a tutor.
17:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:58
[SPEAKER_01]: My first initial thoughts and response was I know you can do this.
18:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You probably just had to buckle down.
18:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't a conversation, but again, people honest thoughts on my head based on what the experience has been to that point, but she got to a rough place.
18:12
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, no, I need help.
18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: This is man.
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: These eight I got this one, I do not.
18:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's had the, she's been self-aware enough to for it not to be a thing, right?
18:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, I try to make sure that when the child says they need help, I don't respond through the lens of my perceived failure, right?
18:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what that reference to the clip was, which the clip and I control the clip,
18:45
[SPEAKER_01]: was referencing a thought from a conversation years ago when somebody else was talking about needing therapy.
18:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, and I'm like, man, that's as a child because they were talking about child trauma they had and they needed.
19:01
[SPEAKER_01]: The thought was in response to man, have I created that kind of thing?
19:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Not that therapy isn't good, right?
19:08
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was the honest thought about
19:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, the first thing is with how did I, how did I feel, right, right, right, right, right.
19:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, that that doesn't prevent giving them help, but just, you know, honest thoughts, honest thoughts, and then,
19:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll take the honest thought over line to myself.
19:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Got our line to my loved ones any day.
19:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Got to.
19:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm guilty of having a full-fledged conversation.
19:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if I have a conversation with someone about a thing, especially if it's an issue or a conflict, I try to ask as many questions as I can.
19:50
[SPEAKER_00]: so that they have the opportunity to fully discuss what we got going on.
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Because at the end of this conversation, any all gaps will be filled.
20:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So if in our discussion, if you omitted filling in that gap, I'm gonna feel that gaping with my own personal thoughts.
20:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
20:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Which historically has been unhealthy, because more often than not, I'm wrong with it.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I've got to be similar.
20:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I got close to his whole.
20:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So because of that, in that, I've learned to ask more specific questions in the conversation and the discussion as well.
20:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Another issue I'm dealing with that I like to try to share is, on your outcome, if a mistake is made, you must go a better and different, you must own that outcome because at what cost, everything that we're doing, everything that we're deciding to choose to
20:57
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a decision being made.
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm giving something for something in return.
21:02
[SPEAKER_00]: If it's time, if it's effort, if it's finance, whatever it is, affection, I'm exchanging something for something.
21:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So as I'm assessing what this thing is, how bad do I want it?
21:14
[SPEAKER_00]: How is it going to serve me?
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: How is it going to serve others around me?
21:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Effect others around me?
21:19
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the costs.
21:22
[SPEAKER_00]: that are associated with this decision.
21:25
[SPEAKER_00]: What's being sacrificed?
21:26
[SPEAKER_00]: What's being released?
21:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What are you potentially going to lose?
21:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Opportunity costs.
21:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Opportunity costs.
21:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And what are you potentially going to gain?
21:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, these are the things you must assess by too often will kind of happen as you go through life.
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're not actually thinking about how this thing that I'm doing, no matter how my new day is.
21:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It, it, it builds on something else.
21:52
[SPEAKER_00]: This could be the preamble to something else.
21:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, man, man, man, man, man.
21:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen to you talk about the money as well.
21:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of sparked this thought.
22:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Young girls, young women, young ladies, women, elderly women.
22:07
[SPEAKER_00]: They have no problem, typically, typically, typically, or,
22:13
[SPEAKER_00]: In your experience, in my experiences, they'll seek help, they'll seek assistance, they'll seek discussion.
22:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It may not be what we think that help or assistance should be or look like in the realm of their Google something.
22:35
[SPEAKER_00]: They may look it up.
22:36
[SPEAKER_00]: They may watch others who have succeeded at that thing.
22:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm what I'm getting at young men.
22:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Get your mentor.
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no shame in having an experienced person that you can bounce ideas off.
22:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Go go ask someone that you respect.
22:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You respect their decision-making processes.
22:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And perhaps I want to change my life.
23:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to alter my trajectory.
23:02
[SPEAKER_00]: find someone that you have access to that's living as closely to that thing as possible that you're trying to achieve.
23:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And see if there'll be your mentor.
23:12
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no shame in saying, I'm someone's mentee because I'm learning.
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to learn it from somewhere because you should be tired of going out and I'm just going to hammer this nail.
23:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever done it before?
23:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever seen a person that's never used the hammer nail inside life child?
23:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you seen that thumbnail
23:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's some, but some whole finger.
23:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And some we must own the outcome here.
23:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I can go ask somebody who I know you showed me how to do this.
23:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a man, man.
23:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I should know how to hammer a nail.
23:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I should, but perhaps I don't.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps I haven't been presented with any scenario where I actually had to hammer a nail.
23:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
23:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And you thinking to yourself, how hard can it be?
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Until you knock a hole in that wall, swinging at that little bit of nail with that hammer, simply because you didn't know the tap tap tap, get it started.
24:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Prof. Hand eye coordination.
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't know the things that are associated, because you've never done it.
24:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
24:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine when you start to apply that principle to the major aspects of life.
24:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I've never been a dad before dealing with a young child who says,
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what to do with that information.
24:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Historically, though, I've seen where you say, you don't have anything to be depressed about, look around you.
24:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You have somewhere to live.
24:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You're trying, you think that you're fixing it by pouring into this child of this person, trying to encourage them.
24:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at what you have.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: They could care less.
24:52
[SPEAKER_00]: This is already there reality.
24:54
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't know anything below or beneath this.
24:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Those things matter to you because those are your accolades, those are your goals.
25:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to live this certain way.
25:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I now live this certain way.
25:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I have something to be thankful and grateful for.
25:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Careful with that as well.
25:13
[SPEAKER_00]: equally unhappy and depressed and you don't even know it.
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You think you're happy because you keep telling yourself, look at what I did, look at what I've attained.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's another story.
25:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So just being careful of trying to force feet in an area that you have no background or experience with.
25:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you're doing more harm than good when you thought.
25:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Stick a band-aid and a piece of bubble gun right here on this damn it'll never leak again
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We can find ourselves trying to be the hero to their detriment, right?
25:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we believe that they believe a thing about us, or that we don't have these deficiencies in our ability to prepare.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like the, we'll stand up the example of a child needing to help in some capacity.
26:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And now let's stay with that because therapy is, all of it is serious, but therapy is a very serious thing that needs the conversation.
26:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You can fall into a the trap of this qualifying yourself because you don't know how to address the thing.
26:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You try to address a thing that needs a tool that you don't have with the tools that you do have and it doesn't work.
26:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So because I don't know how to hammer and nail, but I'm really good with the screwdriver.
26:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really good with the screwdriver.
26:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna pat this thing with the screwdriver.
26:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm sure it's gonna work out because I know how the screwdriver works.
26:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And recognizing that you have a deficiency should be seen as an opportunity, right?
26:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
26:52
[SPEAKER_01]: something, whether you missed it or not, whether it was you contributed to the current mine state of your child or whether it was something external to the home, because that's the thing too.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an opportunity for you to learn as well, right?
27:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes my immediate response to that is, man, I don't notice thing.
27:15
[SPEAKER_01]: What would they think about me not knowing this thing?
27:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it creates a bond that wouldn't be created otherwise when you go through something difficult with the person.
27:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you saw my grew up.
27:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I've been to, you know, war torn countries that I didn't stay long for, but the people I was there with, we got a bomb because we went through a very,
27:48
[SPEAKER_01]: traumatic life-altering thing that a lot of people don't experience, correct?
27:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you start to see those things as opportunities, and I'm talking to myself, like this is an opportunity for us to learn each other in a way that wouldn't have otherwise presented itself.
28:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to create an environment or create a scenario
28:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That depression does still.
28:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You can talk about it.
28:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You can have conversations about how to understand or identify when you're going there.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But until you've been depressed, in my opinion, this is that professional speaker on it.
28:36
[SPEAKER_01]: But until I was actually depressed, I could recognize or hear somebody else talk about it.
28:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But having been depressed is a different thing.
28:49
[SPEAKER_01]: is largely unexplainable to somebody that hasn't dealt with from my experience.
28:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So seeing these things with your children, that's something I had to grow up from.
29:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the ego stroke.
29:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I can solve everything.
29:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And you want to be able to solve things for your family, but sometimes again,
29:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to hammer, get to hammer.
29:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Dude, because it's there, oh, call somebody that has a hammer.
29:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, and just watch them.
29:19
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no jumpbox charge, because my don't work.
29:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And dear son, don't disqualify your qualifications by keeping that reason or excuse
29:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I mean by that is I've had experience personally in my past that I feel like I always kept a reason right there meaning a case in point, for example, I'm not going to do this anymore.
30:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say friends, let's use the example of I'm not, um,
30:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I'm not going to party anymore.
30:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Say, hey, I'm not going to any parties anymore.
30:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's affecting my relationship.
30:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's affecting my work performance at my job, perhaps.
30:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say for instance, hey, when I go out during the week, I'm not as productive the next day at work.
30:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I tell myself, I'm done with that life.
30:37
[SPEAKER_00]: No more party in during the week.
30:39
[SPEAKER_00]: If I catch you, it's Friday or Saturday perhaps or just Friday, whatever, whatever you tell yourself.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And you change, you make that change, and it's for the better.
30:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You actually see the results, it's amazing.
30:50
[SPEAKER_00]: But because you're so in love with that thing, you didn't stop because you burned out on it, you stopped out of necessity because it was a conflict of what you have going on in your life.
31:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine you go to work one day and you have a horrible day.
31:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You say something ridiculous like, see?
31:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So I got nothing to do with me going out.
31:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Bad day is a bad day.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I go out, I'm not a bad day.
31:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I stayed home last night.
31:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a bad day.
31:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So guess what?
31:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going out, not depriving myself anymore.
31:28
[SPEAKER_00]: For what?
31:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna deprive myself and still have a bad day anyway.
31:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You're just looking for a reason to justify the behavior.
31:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That had nothing to do with.
31:39
[SPEAKER_00]: If you've already seen, it was for the better.
31:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It had absolutely nothing to do with the type of day you had at that job that day.
31:48
[SPEAKER_00]: But because you're missing it and you yearn for it so much, it has such a hold on you.
31:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You're constantly seeking a reason to justify running back to it.
32:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't drink anymore.
32:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man, it's...
32:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I just got this bad news.
32:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I got this letter in the mail.
32:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It's bad news, man.
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm for the pop just bottle open.
32:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew it.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: No, you didn't know anything.
32:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I've been on this diet, man.
32:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing really good.
32:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I've lost 10 pounds.
32:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm working.
32:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm feel better than I've ever felt in my life.
32:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And you go to the doctor and he says, hey, we have a concern.
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: We're gonna run some tests.
32:35
[SPEAKER_00]: prediabetic or something.
32:38
[SPEAKER_00]: See?
32:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been eating right for 90 days.
32:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Change my life.
32:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Did all the right things.
32:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Never told me I was prediabetic before, but some of us thought it was working out and eating right.
32:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I go to the doctor thinking I'm going to get some good news and what he tells me.
32:56
[SPEAKER_00]: The worst news I've ever had after making these changes.
33:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get me a burger tomorrow.
33:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Going to fry some ice cream at the fair tomorrow.
33:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever the food it is, you're justified.
33:10
[SPEAKER_00]: that had nothing to do with that.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps what you were doing at first, the damage was already done.
33:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just never surfaced.
33:17
[SPEAKER_00]: You changed in time to where this is fixable.
33:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You're pre.
33:22
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's still in a phase where keep doing what you're doing.
33:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
33:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's it's going to receive.
33:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to go away.
33:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But because you're always looking for a reason to jump back in that water.
33:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say for instance, now you go out and bans eat all of the foolishness you had in the 90 days, then you go back to the doctor in two weeks and he says, you're no longer pre your full blown diabetic now.
33:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You were on the track of being right and doing right.
33:53
[SPEAKER_00]: but you were so tied to that thing and looking for a reason to revisit that thing.
33:57
[SPEAKER_00]: The first opportunity that you felt was good enough to justify you took it.
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So another theme of the show is a consequence of lag.
34:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So because you made a decision to start doing the right thing,
34:16
[SPEAKER_01]: There are still consequences from the time before you started doing the right thing, right?
34:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you got to make that decision of doing the right thing because it's the right thing.
34:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't disqualify it because something from your past that should resurface or should
34:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Money management like that's a that's a that's a tough lesson that I'm Taking copious knows on as I go through it is like I haven't I haven't I haven't always Display or Use good money habits, right?
35:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and things would be a Way for a period
35:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I come into like an corporate.
35:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I came into a career or advanced in my career where it just popped, right?
35:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And money that I didn't see before, I started to see, but I didn't change my habits.
35:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So, where I was bad with, just enough money.
35:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm bad, or with more money.
35:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, nothing, nothing seemed like, look around in this more stuff, but I still got the angst.
35:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I still got the more mountain money.
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's all of these things that, because a dynamic change that is positioning you,
35:55
[SPEAKER_01]: to correct your mistakes or correct some of the the errors that you may but you got to stop the actual behavior when you get that chance.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, just because you got more money, just because I got more money, I was I was real bad a lifestyle
36:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, I would almost plan the food business.
36:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna kick in on this chat.
36:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:29
[SPEAKER_00]: How much more is that payment?
36:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I got it.
36:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But it is, it's those things that I try to, I try to deliver those messages to my children.
36:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
36:39
[SPEAKER_01]: The hey, man, you.
36:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's, here's where this led me.
36:49
[SPEAKER_01]: If that story resonates with you and you want to go through it, and you go through it in form, I'll recommend it, but to the degree that I can actually give you the information and again, on on on theme with this particular episode, sometimes I shy away from those conversations and sometimes I'm not as quick to those conversations because I disqualify
37:19
[SPEAKER_01]: my experience.
37:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I didn't figure this out for me.
37:24
[SPEAKER_01]: How are they going to receive that information coming from me when I don't have the actual result to show them.
37:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
37:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, it's an opportunity to say, hey, I messed these things up.
37:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You're starting now.
37:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting over.
37:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of run through this together and we both learn
37:49
[SPEAKER_01]: That lowers the, um, for me, lowers the angst of trying to put on this, uh, this performance of perfection and always showing over the answer when I didn't have the answer for me.
38:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't, and perhaps I still don't.
38:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm closer or maybe I'm equipped now to look at it.
38:15
[SPEAKER_00]: But maybe I haven't applied it yet.
38:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Working with my son right now of not focusing on so much of the why it is not.
38:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you'll get so caught up in the negative parts of everything.
38:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You're missing the positive portions of it.
38:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, this is so, you're here, though, like this isn't,
38:40
[SPEAKER_00]: in the way that you wanted it to be perhaps now, but you're still here.
38:45
[SPEAKER_00]: So what you're going to do with the fact that you're here.
38:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm watching a gentleman go through an issue with a young man that he was responsible for getting acclimated and an environment.
39:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
39:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And
39:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me a valuable lesson.
39:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to say that I didn't have the lesson, but hearing the struggles that he's dealing with with it was like, not a gloat, but I was like, man, I'm glad I don't move that way.
39:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And for context, be mindful of, you could perhaps today have authority over tomorrow's decision maker.
39:38
[SPEAKER_00]: So perhaps you're in a position of the trainer at a company, you're the onboarding person for an organization, you're the whatever, you're the gatekeeper for the time being, life is cyclical.
39:58
[SPEAKER_00]: For the time being, you are that gatekeeper.
40:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You are the go between.
40:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You won't always be in that position.
40:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Or even if you are, that person won't always be positioned below you.
40:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps your content enough to be here that someone sees something that they are actually catapulted if you will above that gatekeeping position.
40:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So now you're a gatekeeping for them.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And they never forgot the treatment.
40:30
[SPEAKER_00]: that they received, when you feel like you didn't owe them courtesy, I don't owe you courtesy, I don't owe you anything of me being tacked for with you anything.
40:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So imagine that, and now this is the decision maker.
40:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Or this person is a respected member of CED organization, or whatever the case is.
40:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But they never respect you or show you any respect or kindness or kind words because the impression you left upon this young man, he'd never forgot it.
41:06
[SPEAKER_00]: But he also never forgot those who showed that excessive above and beyond level of compassion.
41:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So now, that very same uplift that this person showed this young man was a looking for anything a return as far as I see people coming here and go, but I have a long you're going to be here.
41:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I suggest let me show you some things that help this be better for you to wait won't be so rough on you any year.
41:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Not knowing.
41:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't know who you're talking to.
41:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So now let's say for instance, seven years, 10 years later, this person is now the CEO of CET Corporation.
41:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And he comes and he pays a visit.
41:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Show y'all where it all began.
41:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And the same two gentlemen are still there.
41:56
[SPEAKER_00]: The gatekeeper who treated this man like he was passing through and the bridge builder
42:06
[SPEAKER_00]: That was looking out for the young man because I don't know what you're going to do with this opportunity.
42:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you're here, you may as well make the most of it.
42:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I don't do enough of, I don't have enough of these conversations with my sons.
42:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I try to just do things and hope they pick up on it.
42:24
[SPEAKER_00]: We've discussed in the past that they're not necessarily picking up on the things.
42:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It has to be said.
42:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, let me point out what just happened because you experienced it and you benefited from it, but I didn't point it out.
42:37
[SPEAKER_00]: What's an active way, because obviously we're not going to work with our sons and we're not going to treat our sons like dirt.
42:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But do you have a suggestion of an active way of those types of lessons being in plan?
42:50
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, hey, I know you just said this was going home.
42:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you hear them talking about a coworker or something or a classmate.
42:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have any experience of past, background, history, or even a suggestion of when that does present itself this homo approach that with Donovan or even with the girls?
43:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I am specifically with Donovan
43:15
[SPEAKER_01]: take advantage of the moment, right, on the slow days of the madness discussed with him, like some days, he's dragging, don't want to go to the class.
43:25
[SPEAKER_01]: All we're going to do is like the all we're going to do is days is your opportunity to separate yourself from everybody else that's only doing that man.
43:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you got three hours a day at a time and a five hour window,
43:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, questions are you asking, what impression are you making, right?
43:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you just sitting there being one of everybody else?
43:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are you distinguishing yourself by your activities?
43:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it's not even walking around, but kissing or anything like that.
43:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Like take advantage.
43:54
[SPEAKER_01]: These people know way more about the industry your pursuing than you know today.
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
44:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And you got a window of opportunity to understand more than what was just presented to you, more than what they had to present to you.
44:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a part of my success in corporate was understanding how I impacted everybody else.
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I was never who I left the government because it was, hey, we only do from D to F. But you're bringing it all of us in the admission on D to F. You over here asking about A, B, and C, and H, and Y, like, what?
44:32
[SPEAKER_01]: would it literally those with a conversation that I had to assess the environment is like these people in that particular scenario or organization were career same great.
44:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's a GS system for the government.
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's it's structured numerically one through whatever, one through 14 to 15 depending on one.
44:57
[SPEAKER_01]: the job this and it might be one through 15.
44:59
[SPEAKER_01]: The dinner goes into executive service for all of them.
45:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But in my particular one, I'm familiar with GS1102.
45:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I came in as an 11 and there were people that had been 11s for like 10 years.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
45:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, and it would literally, hey, hey, what you don't we, we only pre-award, you don't watch once you enter the the purgis order, shut up about it.
45:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It's another purgis order for you to enter because now I am a, I am compromising the standard if I, if I do more.
45:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so having an appreciation for what else happens in my
45:43
[SPEAKER_01]: an opportunity to do my job better or to connect better with what I'm doing.
45:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not good at moving this from there today.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: First 30 days.
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Cool.
45:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you use the parameters?
45:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
45:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
45:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not that I'm trying to change them, but help me understand this.
46:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I always had some kind of questions.
46:04
[SPEAKER_01]: The league frog thing actually happened to me in corporate.
46:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was at a time that I was in management and a guy came into the organization angeling to manage me.
46:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't what he was hired to do with it.
46:20
[SPEAKER_01]: He was trying to massage the relationship with the VP at the time that hate this makes a lot more sense.
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Just put Derek on to me and you know what I'm saying?
46:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
46:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And,
46:32
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a good strategy because you get the auto win.
46:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not patting myself on the back, but it was the organization.
46:40
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're my organization, we rock it.
46:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
46:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We doing it, high supposed to be done.
46:45
[SPEAKER_01]: The measurement is going to be the quality of our work.
46:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Not happy I wouldn't have done that other stuff.
46:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be that right.
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that same person was there when I became the VP.
46:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't see it as an opportunity, I saw the opportunity.
47:03
[SPEAKER_01]: But it wasn't of interest for me to take that opportunity to make him feel a certain way or remind him of how it started.
47:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's the lesson too, right?
47:18
[SPEAKER_01]: When the leap frog happens to you and your hand in the power, there's another leap frog as the world turns.
47:29
[SPEAKER_01]: As you're headed, it's gonna be headed to somebody else.
47:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially when you get to a certain level, it's not long lives.
47:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Like CEOs or people in the executive, I'm not that I was CEO, but you'll see where executives have a track of being an executive across multiple companies.
47:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
47:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because you do what you're supposed to do here.
47:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And when that starts to look different, then how they wanted to look, you better take your program in somewhere else and hope you get another opportunity.
47:59
[SPEAKER_01]: like get the qualifications, don't disqualify yourself, which are, which are behavior attitude, or your inability to read the room, the inability to see the big picture of a thing, right?
48:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You get handed that piece of power, or that that grip of power for the moment, and you may do what you saw somebody else do.
48:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew for a fact that I could not handle the power that was handed to me like those before me handed it because of how I look, consequences are different and that's not the me controversial.
48:34
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the be how life was lived and is lived and happens every day.
48:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's a...
48:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like being qualified for a thing, there's a weight that comes with it.
48:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I definitely want them to understand that weight.
48:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want them to shy away from it.
48:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want them to abuse it.
48:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Trigger the thought or a spark the thought.
48:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, pick your head up.
48:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Like focus on tomorrow, son.
49:02
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of,
49:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We overly, and I say we society, will overdue something to where we have to use a saying or some cliche or metaphor to get us to not be so hyper-focused on that thing.
49:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But then now we hyper-focused on that difference.
49:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to go back and revisit.
49:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's kind of like her.
49:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a relay.
49:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So
49:27
[SPEAKER_00]: you'll get a generation that's so into planning is like, hey, hey, hey, live today, stamp today, so look at today and talk with, you know, live in the moment and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
49:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Then when they start doing it, hey, man, you two focused on the day.
49:43
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, pick your head up.
49:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't see what's coming staring at the ground in front of you, man.
49:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to run you over.
49:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So mix it up.
49:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Try to try to coexist.
49:55
[SPEAKER_00]: today, enjoy today, timestamp today, plan for tomorrow.
50:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
50:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at yesterday.
50:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I get that it's going yesterday is loaded with all the lessons that we are holding in our hands and pockets today.
50:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Those lessons are from yesterday.
50:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Tomorrow hasn't taught me anything because it's not.
50:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Tomorrow will never teach me anything tomorrow actually never comes.
50:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
50:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, exactly.
50:24
[SPEAKER_01]: If you really think about that, for us, as I said, you can't live, and you can only live in the end of the night.
50:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's how I know somebody had a problem with us.
50:32
[SPEAKER_00]: No, man.
50:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And tell you.
50:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So, look at yesterday.
50:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I think I fell down right there.
50:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had no.
50:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell all of this together in one quick little story.
50:48
[SPEAKER_00]: ride yesterday in my truck.
50:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I hear some tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
50:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's cool.
50:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Got the window down.
50:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm crunched boy.
50:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I got my whole elbow hanging out the window.
50:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a hole.
50:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't have no way to beat.
51:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But I hear a tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
51:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Historically, lessons from the past when I have my 88-hondo cool or first call I have a bolt.
51:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It's him.
51:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Whenever I used to hit that tap tap, it's a nail in my tire.
51:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I pull over sure enough.
51:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Huge screw stuck inside of my, my tire, but it's embedded to a point.
51:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not leaking, I'm missing there.
51:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Historically, that 88 will ride this out.
51:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a metal plug onto you.
51:30
[SPEAKER_00]: What's the problem?
51:31
[SPEAKER_00]: If I got to go toilet, I had an error seven days.
51:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's cool.
51:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So I go straight to a tire shop.
51:38
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a little late.
51:39
[SPEAKER_00]: This was just yesterday.
51:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only one open in the area.
51:46
[SPEAKER_00]: My big ground self, just pull up, just so happened to nail in a perfect spot.
51:51
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, now just turn your wheels.
51:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I turn the wheel.
51:54
[SPEAKER_00]: The man repairing the tire, he never took the tire off the truck.
51:58
[SPEAKER_00]: He just went, got him a little drill, stuck the patch through the drill.
52:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Take the pliers, you pop this screw out, stick it in there, drill it, cut the excess.
52:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So the guy goes and gets the owner.
52:17
[SPEAKER_00]: The owner comes out, that'll be $25.
52:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I was pissed.
52:25
[SPEAKER_00]: $25, man, the whole patch kit with the plugs and everything $7 at Walmart right now.
52:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I say you're selling used tires out there for $40.
52:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You just patched my tire for $25.
52:40
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't say a word, he just,
52:44
[SPEAKER_00]: to take the patch out.
52:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's his energy.
52:46
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't say that.
52:47
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I got because I'm going to plug in the gaps.
52:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I was aggravated is I was pred aggravated.
52:54
[SPEAKER_00]: That's pretty good.
52:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to stand there.
52:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We had we just set that stack.
53:00
[SPEAKER_00]: They said them.
53:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I see you said 25.
53:06
[SPEAKER_00]: He almost had the energy of
53:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So I stood there.
53:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna take 25 dollars worth of your time.
53:17
[SPEAKER_00]: He changed the plug in 30 seconds.
53:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna stand.
53:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Every time I 25 dollars, I don't care.
53:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I stood there.
53:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It's 6pm, they close at 6pm.
53:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I stood there to 615.
53:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's your 25 dollars.
53:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I live.
53:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Was that ignorant?
53:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that was ignorant.
53:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I was aggravated, and I felt plagued and plagued with the principality of $25.
53:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Did the $25 make a break me?
53:51
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
53:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Value is what we're talking about here, people.
53:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Lesson to my sons.
53:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't be ignorant, son.
54:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I know 15 minutes of your time is worth far more than 25 dollars.
54:04
[SPEAKER_00]: He'll just waste his 15 minutes of your life for $25.
54:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Would I do it again?
54:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Both of y'all did.
54:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You wasted his time.
54:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You wasted your time.
54:18
[SPEAKER_00]: He got to be there.
54:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You know where the guy's got to close up to lean the shot.
54:21
[SPEAKER_00]: He don't own her.
54:22
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't.
54:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I won't get this money.
54:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
54:24
[SPEAKER_00]: He was in all of a sudden.
54:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
54:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't hate him.
54:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Pentea.
54:28
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
54:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I've got no one to go to.
54:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And boys.
54:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Abrams guy.
54:32
[SPEAKER_01]: A couple of spots.
54:34
[SPEAKER_00]: 10.3 bears.
54:36
[SPEAKER_00]: They were closed.
54:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my go-to.
54:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to take my 18 wheelers over there, trailers, everything.
54:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I got 81.
54:41
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, three bears.
54:43
[SPEAKER_00]: No, yeah, I hold me for that clue.
54:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So, enclose it.
54:47
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you got for the good people, brother?
54:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, um, take a beat before you describe it for yourself as a father, right?
54:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And
55:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think that like I had to think about why I was first on kind of way if my child needed help that I couldn't provide.
55:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
55:11
[SPEAKER_01]: If the intent is for your child to be a productive number of society, a valuable human being, some of those things are beyond you.
55:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had to get I had to get okay.
55:27
[SPEAKER_01]: with the lesson not coming from me or the tool or the resource not being me.
55:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So as you're having these honest stories, no run from them.
55:36
[SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing wrong with having the honest thought, what you do with that honest thought.
55:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Be mindful of that.
55:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I often say at Wood Cause, I'm gonna say at Wood Cause again today, net present value helps a person understand.
55:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But what's it actually worth for the life cycle of what I spent that on?
56:05
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why the whole putting the money under your mattress is dead.
56:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't do that anymore.
56:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But be mindful of the cost.
56:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You're giving something.
56:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You're exchanging something for whatever you're receiving in life.
56:20
[SPEAKER_00]: That's going to do it for us this week.
56:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, happy to be here, proud to be here, proud of the momentum and the success that the network and the platform is having.
56:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to everyone for the support that we've been getting.
56:35
[SPEAKER_00]: The encouragement, the life lessons and experiences that are being shared with us.
56:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We absolutely pay attention to the inboxes, the emails, man.
56:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm supposed to call a brother today that reached out and shot his number to me and has a compelling story.
56:53
[SPEAKER_00]: The network is networking, and I'm excited about it and it to God be the glory.
56:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
56:58
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the day I show with the young and nice presentation.
57:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Peace.
57:35
[SPEAKER_00]: free audio post production by alphanic.com