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Why Do Narcissists Blow Up Their Own Lives So Much? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why oh why do narcissists tend to self sabotage and blow their
• 0:06
  damn lives up so much? Why does it seem like soon as
• 0:11
  things start going well in the life of a narcissist, when
• 0:15
  things start going well with a narcissist, they hit the damn
• 0:19
  self destruct button and blow everything up.
• 0:22
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:24
  If you do hear, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:25
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:28
  the Narcissist Colesic. That feel good y'all?
• 0:49
  The old intro is back what is going on?
• 0:53
  Beautiful folks. But yes why is self sabotage so
• 0:59
  damn prevalent in our lives of narcissistic and or toxic
• 1:05
  people? So First off narcissistic people
• 1:11
  tend to like we imposter syndrome is real y'all.
• 1:16
  Like we don't think we deserve what we get while also sometimes
• 1:23
  feeling extremely entitled at the same time.
• 1:26
  Don't let that go over your head.
• 1:28
  We feel entitled to damn near everything.
• 1:33
  Even if we have not earned it. Even if we don't have the
• 1:35
  qualifications, even if we don't have their prerequisite
• 1:38
  knowledge for it. We think we deserve it because
• 1:42
  we are us. We think we are entitled to it.
• 1:45
  But when we get something, when we finally get what we feel like
• 1:50
  we're entitled to, sometimes we don't think we're worthy of it.
• 1:55
  Ain't that crazy? Ain't that crazy?
• 1:59
  Ain't it crazy? How'd that go?
• 2:00
  What's going on, April? What's going Lady of Lust?
• 2:03
  Yes, that's crazy. How that works, though, isn't
• 2:05
  it? We are in.
• 2:08
  We feel like we're entitled to it.
• 2:09
  But when we get it and it doesn't fulfill us, we think we
• 2:15
  don't. We don't.
• 2:15
  We don't deserve it. We don't feel like we're worthy.
• 2:18
  Our mind is constantly flipping. It's constantly flipping back
• 2:24
  and forth between entitlement and imposter, entitlement and
• 2:27
  imposter. I deserve it.
• 2:29
  I'm entitled to it. I'm not worthy of it.
• 2:33
  That's a crazy mindset to have. And I'm not saying this type of
• 2:36
  stuff to get you to feel sorry for a narcissist, right?
• 2:38
  I'm not saying I'm not saying this type of stuff to get you to
• 2:41
  feel bad for your narcissistic partner, right?
• 2:43
  It's not, it's not the goal here.
• 2:45
  That's not the goal, right? It's just to get to wake you,
• 2:48
  help help you open your eyes up and see it a little clearly, see
• 2:52
  the world through the narcissist eyes, see it through my eyes,
• 2:56
  right? I need to wipe my glasses off.
• 2:59
  But that's where it goes at. Who said that?
• 3:00
  April, Absolutely the war within yourself.
• 3:04
  So when we feel like we're entitled to something and we
• 3:07
  finally get something that makes us feel good, we all of a
• 3:12
  sudden, once the fulfillment wears off, once the once the the
• 3:16
  thin veneer of happiness wears off, all of a sudden now we feel
• 3:21
  like we're not worthy of. Now we feel like we're not
• 3:22
  deserving of it. Now it doesn't make us happy
• 3:24
  anymore. So guess what happens?
• 3:26
  We blow it the hell up. It gets blown to smithereens.
• 3:35
  And if you dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly
• 3:38
  what I'm talking about. I feel like I deserve to be
• 3:40
  happy in a relationship. I feel like I deserve to be
• 3:42
  happy in a marriage. So I go out here and find a
• 3:45
  partner. I find a good part.
• 3:47
  I find a Boo my Boo thing right? I find my Boo thing got my Boo
• 3:52
  thing right. And then as things continue to
• 3:56
  go back and forth, we continue to take steps forward.
• 3:59
  We get married, we have kids, everything seemed like it's
• 4:05
  going at everything seems like it's peaceful.
• 4:07
  And then all of a sudden, guess what?
• 4:09
  I cheat on you. You get cheated on, right?
• 4:14
  You get your feelings hurt, you get broken up with.
• 4:18
  Everything that you work for is now out the window because this
• 4:22
  narcissistic person that you're with decided to blow everything
• 4:26
  the hell up because they wouldn't.
• 4:27
  It didn't. It didn't make them feel good
• 4:29
  anymore. It didn't make them feel.
• 4:30
  It wasn't it. It didn't feel right anymore and
• 4:34
  you're left stunned. You like what the hell just
• 4:37
  happened? Everything was going good.
• 4:39
  I was literally you. You were out there and cheated
• 4:42
  on me. I was living literally giving
• 4:45
  you the cheeks 6 * a week even look even God I can't.
• 4:50
  I was giving you the cheeks 6 * a week even.
• 4:54
  God rested on the 7th day so I can't let the buns rest.
• 4:58
  You go ahead and cheat. You would.
• 5:01
  I gave you the cheeks six days a week.
• 5:06
  I can't take Sunday off. Damn.
• 5:09
  I can't not just toot it up on Sunday.
• 5:12
  I can't toot it down on Sunday. Even God rested.
• 5:16
  I can't rest. Damn.
• 5:18
  You got damn cheat. Damn.
• 5:20
  What's wrong? You see?
• 5:22
  They blow it up. They blow.
• 5:24
  They blow it up. I know that's, yeah, I know
• 5:28
  that's an obscure example, but they tend to blow it up.
• 5:34
  They tend to blow it up. When things are going good, they
• 5:38
  will blow. I'm telling you, when things are
• 5:40
  going good, they will blow it to smithereens and you'll be like,
• 5:43
  what the hell happened? What is going on here?
• 5:46
  I haven't done anything to deserve this.
• 5:48
  This person is ruining my life. This person is doing this.
• 5:52
  This person is doing that. They are just tearing you to
• 5:54
  pieces. They turn you to pieces like
• 5:58
  unexpected. It always seems unexpected, but
• 6:01
  there will be signs. You just have to pay attention
• 6:05
  to the signs that an explosion or some self sabotage is coming,
• 6:10
  right? An explosion or some self
• 6:13
  sabotage is coming. You just have to watch the tea
• 6:16
  leaves. You have to pay attention to the
• 6:19
  signs I'm telling you watch for a shift in behaviors.
• 6:25
  Watch for a sudden shift in behaviors.
• 6:27
  Like watch like if they seem like they're super happy and
• 6:31
  then one day you wake up and you look y'all, you can feel the
• 6:34
  energy off. You can feel the energy off you.
• 6:38
  Exactly right, exactly right. Katy Ivy, they're addicted to
• 6:41
  drama. That's a good headshot.
• 6:42
  Do you have some headshot? That's a good headshot.
• 6:44
  You're that's like a realtor headshot.
• 6:45
  You realtor like a realtor headshot right there.
• 6:47
  You selling houses? No, but seriously, that is what
• 6:52
  ends up happening right there. Like they will blow.
• 6:55
  Watch for a sudden shift in behaviors.
• 6:58
  Watch for a sudden shift like you.
• 7:00
  They they go from super happy to sad one day out of nowhere.
• 7:03
  You like wait, what the hell happened?
• 7:05
  You can feel it. You can feel it right?
• 7:10
  You know it. You ask them, they say nothing
• 7:12
  wrong. Nothing wrong you.
• 7:13
  Why would you? Why would you ask that?
• 7:14
  Things are going actually going pretty good.
• 7:16
  You can feel it, y'all, you know it's, you know you think it's
• 7:19
  going pretty good, but you can feel it in the air.
• 7:22
  That is not perfect, right? You can feel it.
• 7:26
  And then they start to do things.
• 7:27
  They start to pull away piece by piece, slowly but surely they
• 7:31
  start to pull away from you. And then you can feel it and all
• 7:35
  of a sudden they bring up with you.
• 7:37
  All of a sudden they cheat on you.
• 7:39
  All of a sudden they blow the relationship.
• 7:40
  They, they, they, it's not always cheating.
• 7:42
  Y'all that not not they don't just cheat, right?
• 7:46
  They'll beat you up, they'll become violent and rage out on
• 7:49
  you. You like what the hell you like,
• 7:52
  what are you doing? Like we were going so good.
• 7:55
  We hadn't, we haven't argued in four months.
• 7:58
  And they just like, I know it. I just felt the need to argue
• 8:02
  with your ass. You just had it.
• 8:05
  Things were going too good. I think one of the main reasons
• 8:09
  why they blow up the lie so much.
• 8:10
  It's like sometimes y'all, they get bored, narcissists get
• 8:14
  bored. And when I say that right there,
• 8:15
  y'all do not take offense to that.
• 8:17
  Lee call me boring. No, he did not.
• 8:20
  You are not. You are not boring.
• 8:25
  They just get bored. You're not a boring person
• 8:29
  unless you might be. You might be just a cool, calm,
• 8:31
  collected person, right? But you are not boring.
• 8:33
  Narcissistic people just get bored.
• 8:37
  And once they get bored, they get irrational.
• 8:41
  They start seeking out chaos. They want to call some turmoil.
• 8:45
  Things are too quiet. The y'all ever hear the y'all
• 8:49
  ever hear the phrase the calm before the storm?
• 8:52
  There it is right there. That's what you get right there.
• 8:53
  The calm before the storm. If you're dealing with somebody
• 9:00
  who thinks like this, right, you have to prepare for it.
• 9:04
  You really do. Who's it at April?
• 9:06
  Yeah, absolutely. They need the storms sometimes.
• 9:10
  Like the world needs the storms, right?
• 9:11
  Sometimes we need the rain. You need, like, you got to get
• 9:13
  wet every once in a while, right?
• 9:15
  But sometimes we need the rain. We need the storm.
• 9:18
  We need that type of stuff, right?
• 9:20
  So the narcissistic person will just cause some chaos because
• 9:24
  it's no like, once you get raised in chaos, you are born in
• 9:28
  chaos. You are surrounded by chaos all
• 9:30
  the time. That becomes your new normal.
• 9:34
  That becomes your new normal. Y'all already seen the back of
• 9:36
  what's the dark? The Dark Knight rises.
• 9:38
  When Bane said you think you you think you know the darkness?
• 9:42
  He's I was raised in it, born in it, molded by it.
• 9:46
  I didn't see the light till I was a man.
• 9:50
  You know that's what Bane said that man said.
• 9:54
  You say, oh you think darkness is your ally, but you merely
• 9:57
  adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by.
• 10:01
  I didn't see the light until I was already a man.
• 10:03
  And so imagine, Replace the darkness with chaos.
• 10:07
  Oh, you think chaos is your ally?
• 10:09
  You merely adopted the chaos. I was born in it, afforded by
• 10:12
  it. I didn't see peace until I was
• 10:15
  already a man. So if you're born in it, you're
• 10:18
  born in that chaos, this is what you're going to get on the other
• 10:21
  side of it. They're going to cause chaos
• 10:24
  because they get bored. They're born in it.
• 10:27
  They're they're, you know what I'm saying?
• 10:28
  They're born in this chaotic relation.
• 10:30
  They're born in this chaotic nature.
• 10:31
  They're born in it, they're raised in it.
• 10:33
  This is all they know. And most people, you go to what
• 10:37
  you know, you grow to what you know, right?
• 10:41
  Because all you know is chaos. You're going to go towards
• 10:44
  chaos. That's just the way the world
• 10:45
  works, ain't it? I was born in chaos, molded by
• 10:48
  it. I didn't see the I didn't see
• 10:50
  peace until I was already a man. If y'all are new here, I do.
• 10:57
  I worked at Blockbuster Video for a long time.
• 10:59
  I got AI do a lot. I get a lot of obscure movie
• 11:03
  references. I do a lot of obscure movie.
• 11:05
  I worked at Blockbuster for a while.
• 11:09
  Steve Inger. Bat Wolf.
• 11:11
  Yeah, Bat Wolf is cool. He's cool, yeah, but this is
• 11:14
  what happens. Y'all, Dave?
• 11:15
  Who's of that? He's most.
• 11:16
  Oh, April on April on fire today.
• 11:18
  I just keep seeing a couple of yeah, they're so emotionally
• 11:21
  dysregulated that this is what happened.
• 11:24
  This is a this is a side effect of emotional dysregulation
• 11:27
  because we can't contain it. We can't.
• 11:29
  We we're so we, so it's so our normal is waiting for stuff to
• 11:34
  happen. Sometimes we want to make stuff
• 11:36
  happen. We want to make stuff happen
• 11:39
  because we're so used to stuff happening like shit, like
• 11:43
  nothing happening. This, don't, this don't feel
• 11:45
  right. What's what's going to happen?
• 11:48
  Well, if something look, think about like this, if something
• 11:51
  is, if we think something is already going to happen, we
• 11:54
  might as well be the ones that make it happen, right?
• 11:59
  If we think that something is already going to happen, we
• 12:03
  might as well make it happen on our own.
• 12:05
  We might as well take control of it and whatnot.
• 12:07
  We we owed. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
• 12:13
  I'm on at 40. I'm on at 40.
• 12:18
  Reactive, that's all. Reacting to their abuse.
• 12:20
  Yeah, you can react to it. Yeah, you absolutely will react
• 12:22
  to it if you're around it for long enough.
• 12:23
  Right? But that's what ends up going
• 12:26
  on. Like you.
• 12:27
  You end up reacting to their abuse, and then you might end up
• 12:30
  looking like the abuser. We're going to do another video.
• 12:32
  We'll do a video. My next live will be on.
• 12:35
  My next live will be on reactive abuse, y'all.
• 12:38
  I'm going to do react. I can't.
• 12:40
  I'm trying to mute this one. I wouldn't block them.
• 12:43
  The next live will be on reactive abuse.
• 12:48
  And if you don't know what reactive abuse is, it's when you
• 12:52
  get your buttons pushed to the point where you snap.
• 12:54
  That narcissistic person is pushing your buttons, poking
• 12:57
  you, poking you, poking you, poking you, poking you, poking
• 13:00
  you, poking you, and then you just blow the hell up.
• 13:02
  You like and now you look like the crazy 1.
• 13:08
  You look crazy. You look abusive.
• 13:10
  This is what how you look. This is how you are perceived
• 13:13
  and whatnot. This is part of it.
• 13:15
  This is how it's going to look for you, right?
• 13:19
  She who's it? She sent a flying monkey telling
• 13:22
  me to leave her alone. 4 weeks later, she unblocked me.
• 13:24
  So I sent a message and her response was just because I miss
• 13:27
  you doesn't mean I want anything to do with you.
• 13:28
  Yeah. You felt you took the bait.
• 13:30
  You took the bait. You know what I mean?
• 13:32
  She unblocked you. There was the bait.
• 13:34
  You took the bait. Can't.
• 13:35
  You can't bite the bait. You hear people about people
• 13:39
  taking the bait. Nothing rare, very rarely do
• 13:41
  you. Is something good coming from
• 13:43
  taking the bait? You know every fish that is
• 13:46
  taking the bait has lived and regretted right?
• 13:48
  Even if they, even if they throw you back, Just imagine a fish
• 13:51
  taking the bait. Even if they throw you back, you
• 13:56
  traumatized right? Even if that fisherman throws
• 14:00
  you back, you are traumatized. Some of y'all get cooked and
• 14:04
  some of the fish that take the bait get cooked and eaten.
• 14:06
  Some of them get thrown back and traumatized.
• 14:08
  Like imagine, imagine you a fish just chilling one day and you
• 14:11
  hungry as hell, right? You a hungry ass fish.
• 14:13
  You're hungry, you're a hungry empath and you just out there
• 14:17
  one day you like, I'm hungry as hell, I ain't ate all day.
• 14:20
  Then all of a sudden out of nowhere splash you sell like a a
• 14:26
  worm. Your face look, your favorite,
• 14:28
  your favorite little food, your favorite food.
• 14:30
  You'd be like, oh shit, where they come from.
• 14:33
  I ain't seen that in a little bit.
• 14:35
  Come on here. You like it's a love bomb.
• 14:38
  It's The Who it's the Hoover. It's the Hoover you like.
• 14:41
  Damn, that's that look good. I know it.
• 14:44
  The last time my friend said they took they see some bait,
• 14:46
  just like they seen some foods you like this and they they got
• 14:48
  pulled out the water. But I'm different this time to
• 14:50
  be different. And then they throw you back.
• 14:57
  Look, then they throw you back. Look, they, they wait, they take
• 14:59
  you out the water, they weigh you.
• 15:01
  You can't breathe. They take you out to your
• 15:03
  environment. You can't breathe.
• 15:05
  You suffocating, you can't. Then they throw you back in the
• 15:07
  water. Look, they, they pulled you out.
• 15:10
  The narcissist has pulled you out the water and then they
• 15:14
  throw you back. This is your face.
• 15:16
  This is your face when you get thrown back.
• 15:27
  Now you, now you're on a hunger strike.
• 15:28
  Now you now you're not eating no more.
• 15:30
  Now you don't trust bait. Now you don't trust the food
• 15:33
  source anymore. You know what I'm saying, so you
• 15:38
  ain't wrong. He watched me react to this
• 15:39
  abuse like I was crazy. Yep Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 15:45
  You got to be careful y'all. They're trying to Hoover you
• 15:47
  with your favorite favorite type of things.
• 15:50
  Even if, like even the fish that survive are traumatized, even
• 15:54
  the ones that get thrown back, they just weigh you and throw
• 15:58
  you back, they still you are still a traumatized fish.
• 16:02
  Thanks for all you share. The love bomb worm looks good
• 16:04
  when we're hungry. Yeah, we're satiated with good
• 16:07
  doors. But yeah, absolutely,
• 16:08
  absolutely. That's the that's the
• 16:10
  traumatized fish face. Traumatized empath right there.
• 16:15
  And that's what ends up happening.
• 16:20
  Now the healing starts all over again.
• 16:22
  Don't take the bait. You got her absolutely right.
• 16:24
  Do not take the bait. Do not take the bait.
• 16:29
  How do we know of the final discard?
• 16:31
  The final discard is up to you. You determine when this is
• 16:34
  finally over, right? The back and forth stuff you are
• 16:38
  in. You are in control of when it
• 16:39
  ends. You can absolutely decide when
• 16:42
  to end it. You are in control of this.
• 16:46
  You are in control. You're you're hilarious.
• 16:50
  I mean, yeah, I crack a lot of jokes, y'all.
• 16:53
  I crack a lot of jokes, yes, all my one on ones, my courses,
• 16:57
  every single thing you can find at mentalillness.net.
• 16:59
  Y'all, I'll drop it in the comment section.
• 17:01
  And also, y'all, I've recorded my 8th episode of my podcast,
• 17:06
  the Mental Illness podcast. The 8th episode has been
• 17:10
  recorded today. The 8th 1 I talked to, I had to
• 17:15
  talk to Doctor Sharon Niv today about low dose ketamine therapy,
• 17:20
  psycho psycholitic, psychoanalytic psycholitic
• 17:24
  ketamine therapy. It was an amazing conversation.
• 17:26
  I'm excited for that one y'all. I've talked to so many different
• 17:29
  people. The mental illness podcast is
• 17:31
  coming soon. If y'all want to, I do my
• 17:34
  one-on-one coaching, but if you want to be on the podcast to be
• 17:39
  interviewed, to Share your story, if you're a therapist
• 17:41
  survivor, you're dealing with your own mental health issues
• 17:45
  like you have ADHD or you're on autism spectrum or you bipolar
• 17:49
  or a SPDDID, any type of thing you look, I'm going to put I'm
• 17:53
  going to put the link in the description.
• 17:55
  I'm going to put the link in the comments right here.
• 17:56
  Y'all, this is what the link looks like.
• 17:58
  It looks like it says TinyURL. You can fill it out.
• 18:02
  I'll reach out to you. We'd be on a set up a podcast
• 18:04
  interview, you know, like it's not it's it's very yeah, it's
• 18:07
  just me and you chatting. I'm doing it virtual right now,
• 18:11
  but I'm getting my in person studio set up.
• 18:14
  Like the in person stuff is coming soon.
• 18:16
  Y'all, y'all see I got my I got some of the stuff over there.
• 18:18
  I got look, got a camera chairs stuff that's coming soon, y'all.
• 18:24
  The in person stuff is coming soon.
• 18:26
  So I have everything set up for I just got to get it get
• 18:29
  finished getting it right. This ain't gonna go right the
• 18:30
  same way. What if my ex isn't diagnosed?
• 18:34
  Very rarely are you going to find a diagnosed nurses.
• 18:37
  Y'all, Most nurses are not going to get diagnosed.
• 18:40
  You help me get out of the relationship.
• 18:42
  Healing is hard. Yeah, healing is absolutely
• 18:44
  hard. Healing is hard as hell.
• 18:50
  But yeah, y'all will get it set up.
• 18:52
  Y'all. Seriously.
• 18:53
  That sounds really interesting. Yeah.
• 18:54
  I had a very, very good conversation with Doctor Sharon
• 18:57
  Neeves today. Nif, nif, nif.
• 19:00
  Love the hair. Bye.
• 19:00
  Bye. Yeah, it's gone.
• 19:02
  The hair gone. Y'all.
• 19:04
  No more shake them dreads. No more shake them dreads.
• 19:09
  No more shake them dreads. Yeah.
• 19:11
  I've been following you for five year and now getting divorced
• 19:14
  and it's so hard. Five years.
• 19:15
  You've been riding me for five years.
• 19:17
  Appreciate the support. Five years is a long time.
• 19:19
  Appreciate the support. I know this even longer while
• 19:21
  you're in the relationship. I know that's tough.
• 19:24
  I know that's tough, y'all. Anyways, y'all, let me hop off
• 19:28
  this thing. My courses, my everything is all
• 19:31
  at mentalillness.net. Check it.
• 19:33
  Outlook for my courses, my support group.
• 19:36
  You can enter the code mothers or fathers to get 50% off the
• 19:40
  courses or 50% off joining the support group.
• 19:43
  I just realized that 50% off, they worked on that too.
• 19:45
  Yeah, April been rocking me for a minute too.
• 19:47
  I always appreciate April. I appreciate all, every single
• 19:50
  one of y'all. Y'all thank y'all for tuning in
• 19:51
  to this episode. And as always, y'all as always,
• 19:55
  so Nark can't break it with you. Yeah, the discard phase is a
• 19:58
  real thing. The discard phase is a real
• 20:00
  thing. It's always y'all got to have on
• 20:02
  this day I'm doing this is out. Peace.