Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / The Connection Between Body Perception and Financial Success with Anna Marcolin

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The Connection Between Body Perception and Financial Success with Anna Marcolin · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft a life they truly, truly desire.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Oh hello, hello everyone.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Today I have my first guest on the Cash Confident podcast and I'm so, so excited because Miss Anna Marcolan is freaking brilliant.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: She is a psychotherapist and life coach and I love her work and she is just smart as a whip and she's going to be here today to help us to just kind of uncover and unpack some of the connections between money and body image, and I've been looking forward to this talk for such a long time.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: So, anna, thank you for being with us.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for having me.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I'm excited.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: It's my pleasure.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: All right, so tell us how it all started.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Tell us your origin story.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: OK, so well, I have been a counselor, slash psychotherapist for I'm dating myself when I tell you all this for almost 30 years.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: So I've been doing this for quite a while.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: And back gosh, probably 25 years ago, I started working in eating disorders and it's funny because I never wanted to work with individuals who were suffering from eating disorders, because there was an eating disorder in my family with one of my siblings when I was in high school and it sort of wreaked havoc on my wonderful sibling but wreaked havoc on our family and I thought, oh, I never want to deal with eating disorders again.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: But lo and behold, for reasons of needing to get a job, and needing to get a job fast and it being the only job that was offered to me at the time, there I was back in a partial hospitalization program working with mostly teenagers, females and women in their 20s with eating disorders.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: It ended up being a specialty of my practice that I loved.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I loved working with teenagers and young women around eating disorders, specifically anorexia and bulimia and the mix of the two.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: We call it EDNOS it's an eating disorder non-otherwise specified so I ended up doing that for years.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: I started a private practice and when I left the hospital that I was working at, everybody came with me, all my patients followed me to my practice, and so I ended up specifically working in eating disorders for many years.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: And now I'm only 30 years old at this time, 28, 29, 30.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: And I only saw at that time teenagers.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: And I did it for many, many years.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: And then from that, as I moved out of specifically doing counseling around anorexia and bulimia, I started to see people who didn't have eating disorders.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: They didn't meet criteria for a, they didn't have a clinical diagnosis of an eating disorder, but I started to see people who came to me for other problems in their lives.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Maybe there was some trauma, maybe there were relationship problems, but it seemed almost everybody was dealing with body image issues, and body image issues are different from a full-blown eating disorder.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: But I was seeing a lot of disordered eating, a lot of people that were really up in their head about how they looked, and so my practice did a little bit of that Well, a lot of a pivot away from eating disorders into my seeing now women of all ages with body image issues, and I became known for that in the community.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I was someone that was.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: My practice was going very well because and it was word of mouth, referrals to me that you need to see this woman.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: This is what she does, and so I still, to this day, do it and I do.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I provide therapy around it, but that's more around a diagnosis, and I provide coaching, and so a bulk of my practice is coaching women to provide image issues.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I love that so much.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So in my work I get to read people's transactions and so I know some of the things that a lot of other people don't know about people, Cause once you read somebody's transactions it is the depths of their soul, and I work with women in business and I can see some ways that body image shows up in the expenditures and it shows up in opportunity cost.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: So, in your professional opinion, looking at it from the other side, not just from the financial side what are you seeing in your practice as the connection between between the money and the body image?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I get people who come to me who have but the time they come to me for coaching around body image, they have spent thousands of dollars on diet programs thousands, and whether it be you know, you name it I mean keto, paleo.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: But they bought these programs with the promise that they're going to lose all this weight and they're just gonna be like this, look like they're badass, maybe 15 or 18 year old self again, and the problem is they're not looking at mindset and these coaching programs don't go underneath and really look at what is really going on here.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: And so what happens?
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: They gain the weight back and by the time they come to me they're frustrated as hell because why has a weight not stayed off?
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: I spent all this money and all this time and all this energy on.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I was telling you before we started recording.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: I have a more recent coaching client who is telling me I've spent thousands of dollars on protein bars and the way protein powder that this program that I bought into wanted me to use.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: So she bought their way protein because that was the only one.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: She's like I lost weight.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I lost 25 to 30 pounds.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: But here I am a year later it's all back and she goes.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: If I look at one more bar, I swear I will throw up.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: You know that's not sustainable and that's what's frustrating for the women who come and see me, and I feel their frustration because they've spent so much money hoping for this amazing return, but this return that will last them for years, if not decades, and it doesn't work that way.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I see the same kinds of things.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Actually.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I see a lot of clients spending a lot of money, even just some of the specialty diets, even just like the regular food in the specialty diets.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: When you're not, let's say, example, like eating carbs, your grocery bill goes up.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Really sure, it does, yes, it does, you know, for things like that.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And also it seems to me like there's a tremendous use of mental energy to keep up with anything that's really specific.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: That's not for medical reasons, but if I'm really getting a lot of like, if I'm counting carbs or if I'm counting my macros or if I'm really counting a lot of things, it's just a lot of mental energy.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: In addition to it creates just like more decision fatigue and things like that, just like from nothing about the food itself.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: It's just like the constant mental load of carrying that.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's what makes people quit, because there is a mental load and you said it very well that the energy expenditure on faking it through.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: So I was a competitive triathlete for 20 years and I share that with you because it's important, because I worked with a couple of sports dietitians because I had different things going on.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: I wasn't eating properly.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: What they don't talk about when you're an endurance athlete, what we don't realize in the beginning is that you've got to have your nutrition.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: That's gotta be like on par all the time because you've got to be eating properly.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: With an endurance athlete, you need to be eating a ton of carbs and then you've got to be, you know, feeling yourself with protein for recovery and I didn't know how to do any of that.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: I'd worked with registered dietitians for decades, but it was more around my clients and my patients who had eating disorders.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: So this was kind of a different field of dietetics that I became the client.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: And something that was just really interesting for me is that you know, I had one dietitian that I used for, I think, three months and then I fired her and ended up finding another dietitian that I had for three years and she was amazing and I still have contact with her now.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: She put me on this diet that you know.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: She took my BMI, my body fat.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: She took my like.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I had to go get tested for like my basal metabolic rate of like how much calories I burned in a 24 hour period for my age.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: It was this whole thing I had to go through.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: It was kind of fun doing it.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: It was interesting information to find out about very specifically what my body needed and I wanted.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So I was trying.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I just went through menopause and I was an athlete and trying to.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I saw all this weight come on and it was slowing me down.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I mean I just was like, well, what the hell?
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: What's going on?
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Where's this weight coming from?
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I was in perimenopause, in the early stages of menopause, which is very, very frustrating for many women.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: We're talking a lot more about it today in social media, thankfully, because we realize, as women, we're not alone.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: So here I was doing all the swim, bike run, training for hours and hours at a time and I'm watching all this weight come on.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: This dietitian put me on a program where I had to weigh my food.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I had to meal prep every week and I did it.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: But let me and I know how to do hard things to let me tell you, Brie, it was so difficult, so long winded answer to what you just said.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I just couldn't understand, and it was good for me to do, because for the first time in my life I was in the shoes of my clients, the people who'd come to me, who I wasn't working because I thought I don't want to do this again.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I have the stupid food scale.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not knocking if it works for you, but for me it didn't work.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I was weighing my chicken breast, I was weighing my meat, I was weighing my food every single day, every meal, until I finally said to her it's not working, I don't want to do this anymore and I threw it out.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: It just wasn't sustainable for me, as I think it is for most people.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I've done many, many, many, many diets and I'll tell you, I'm actually I'm almost 40 and I'm just getting to the place where I just feel fine, I just feel good enough, I just feel beautiful, I just, and then and I'm and that's brand new for me- that's brand new, and even when I was like like when I look back at my pictures from like when I was 20 and I thought, for sure that I was just like so unattractive and so, whatever I'm like oh my God, I look really good.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I was a goddess, I know.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, you know, and I see, just see it different.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, I'm not gonna waste my whole life looking back and then only seeing my beauty.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Then, like it, just to me it was like this thing.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So how how would somebody know, when they have listen, I have not talked to a single woman in my entire life.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I don't think that has had some sort of body image issue.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, how would you know that, if you like, you know there's just the mental chatter, how would you know the difference between, like, the regular amount of noise that you have and something that's like an actual problem?
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I think, if okay.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: So you make a really good point and I will say this to my clients we talk about this is like daily conversation.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Everybody has bad body image days.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Everybody has, like I feel pretty good.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I've worked hard on this, on my own mental game, because it's a mental game and it comes to our body image.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I've worked hard on it and still I wake up some days and I'm like God, it feels so fat.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Or you know, I was like for me personally, like Nordstrom Dressing Room's lighting is like I know this now, so I avoided it.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: All costs.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I'll buy clothes from Nordstrom's, take them home, I won't try them on.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: For some reason, the lighting in those dressing rooms just make me feel so bad about myself.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: It's weird.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I think it's the mirrors, but it's not good for me.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: It will give me a bad body image day and it'll stay with me.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I'll be in a bad mood and I think that it's okay to acknowledge that we have bad body image days.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Or there's certain stores that you know like don't try the clothes on on those mirrors because you're not gonna feel good about yourself.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Go home, try them on in your own mirror.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: So that's a little side tip.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: But if you find that most days you're just ripping on yourself Like you are being mean to yourself, that you know, it's one thing when you're like you know, I just saw a glimpse, I got a glimpse of myself and these pants don't fit me.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Well, they're kind of tight and ugh, I don't feel good in them.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's okay.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: But the next day you're like know what I'm like rocking it today?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I love this outfit, I feel good, my hair is awesome, yeah, like I'm like, I love it.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: My nails are like on fleek, like I look good, that's one thing.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: But if you're noticing that most days you're not saying good stuff to yourself or you just can't find the positive or at least a neutral statement to yourself about like no, I don't feel amazing today, but I look fine, it's good, I'm fine.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: If you can't do that, then you might wanna see consultation for yourself or get an outside person to come in and help you, because I find that most women are walking around and they're feeling guilty and ashamed and they're not talking about it with anybody.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: There are people out there who can help you move past that.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: It can help you get a new mindset and it's work.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I won't say it's not work.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It's work.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It's work to change that mindset around thinking of yourself differently.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm with you, cause I've been literally.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Body image it's not a thing that I generally talk about in my work, it's not generally a topic that I just get in too much because I tend to talk about money.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: But from the time that I was 22 to probably the time that I was maybe 31-ish, I mean I was taking Fentermene.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: My doctor was prescribing me Fentermene.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I was hardly eating anything at all Like, and when I like stopped doing it and I like looked back, I was like holy crap, man, I had both an addiction and an eating disorder that I did not give appropriate level of credit to the size of that problem, like when I was in it.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: And it took me probably like five years after I had finished that whole season of my life to even look back and be like, oh my goodness, like it like actually hurt my like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I've had many days where I'm like so sad and remorseful at the way that I treated myself.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: You know, in all of those years were also years where I was overworking, I was underpaid, I was underappreciated and I was also in the early season of motherhood, right, so my kids were small, and so some of that is just that season of life, you know, and I was working for a nonprofit at the time, so there's like a little extra overworked and underpaid, but I can't even tell you the amount.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Of you know, I did Weight Watchers, I did the South Beach diet.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Yep, and this I know.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I'm just like the grapefruit diet all these?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: oh, you're kidding.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I don't like grapefruits.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I never tried that.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: But do you remember there was a diet where you would eat cabbage soup for?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: like a week.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, I remember that one, and it was when you really think about it.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: You're like there's probably 75 calories in that cabbage soup.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: It's ridiculous.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's actually pretty good.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: It's pretty good, but it's ridiculous, you know, I mean I just would go crazy with my clients that are coming in.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: So I never did those diets because I knew they were with all due respect to you, bree, I mean, I think, because I was in the field of eating disorders I just I saw all these, you know, clients who are coming in at that time to a program that I was running, and then coming into my office.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: We just know that they don't work.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: But people are desperate desperate, excuse me, to lose the weight and when they're not, they just are ripping themselves up and down and around the backside because the weight's not coming off.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: And I love what you just said about.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: You know, we're so critical of ourselves and then here, the years go by and you look at a picture of yourself of five, 10 years ago, you know, and I've done this too, and I'm like I remember that day and I'm thinking, damn, I looked good.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: But I remember that day, I kind of remember that day.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I didn't want that picture taken.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: What was I talking about?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I looked really good then, you know, and I think they were so hard and critical.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Women, we are critical of ourselves, hard on ourselves in so many ways.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think a lot of it has to do with just the underlying energy underneath all of the ads that we see, which is basically there's something wrong with you Like there's something wrong with you for having hair, there's something wrong with you for eating food.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: There's something like just the ad space in the marketing at women is just so caustic and aggressive.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: So what are some like?
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Where are some things that people like?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: If somebody was like, hmm, maybe, maybe this is an area that I could improve in, like, maybe this is not the way that I want to talk to myself, this is not the way I want to treat my body.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Where, what are some things like?
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: What are some practical action steps to start working on, on seeing yourself differently and starting to let go of just a hard, just a hard?
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: body image.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I think a couple of things.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Number one, I would ask you to look at your behaviors and if you are continuing to be dieting, continuing to, maybe you're overeating or you're under eating.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I want you to look at what that's about for you.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: What is really going on?
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Because you said earlier, I was, you know, little kids and I was, you know, overworked and underpaid.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: That's about something.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: So what is that about for this?
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: You know, I mean just using you as an example, but what is that about for you that we turn to our bodies and we get very critical of our bodies or we will maybe overeat or binge.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: What is that about for you?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Always ask yourself go underneath the surface.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: It's really.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: We say this in eating disorder therapy, in the eating sort of world.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: We say this in the body image world.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: It's never about the food and that's an absolute statement, and I don't use the word never often at all, but this time I do use it.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: It's never about the food.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: And I have clients say I mean no, anna, it is about the food.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Like, I want those cheeses.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah, you want those cheeses because something about the taste, the texture in your mouth, something about the soothing to you.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: You're getting soothed by it.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: So I will go back to say, yes, it is still not about the cheeses.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: It's about what the cheeses are doing for you.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: It's about putting a salve on a wound that you're feeling.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: It's a some people that might be something that's just more surfaced, like you know what, you know what, over eating a board.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, we can work with that.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: It's okay, your board, not a problem.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about what that's about for you.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Or some people say, no, I am overeating or I'm not eating enough, or I'm trying to do all this clean eating because I got stuff that goes back to my childhood.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: There's messaging I heard from my mom and my dad about how I looked when I was six years old and I never forgot it.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Or I was bullied and I heard this stuff when I was in middle school about the color of my hair or the way I acted.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: You know the boots I wore.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Or you know the skinny, skinny girl or this like chubby girl.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: We have messaging that's deep inside of us that we are not always conscious of today, and you know the year we're in 23 right now that we are like if you sat and you thought about it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: You go, yeah, yeah, there is something there.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is yeah.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Truth be told, it probably isn't about the food, it is about this.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: It is about that I'm lonely, I'm depressed, I'm anxious and I and my clients come into me and they're like and I'm eating my feelings again.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, and I love that.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've eaten my feelings.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I think we all have right.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I mean maybe not every single person but many of us right yeah, we can work with that.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I noticed that for years, every time that I was disappointed about something, I would make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich which is so funny, because it's not even a sandwich that I'm like, wow, I should have really had peanut butter and jelly.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Like it's all right, I'll have one.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: But when I started to notice that, like I was like, oh, that's the emotional cue, and then that's the thing, and I was like, all right, I'm not hungry, I don't even like peanut butter and jelly.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: So I'm actually just disappointed.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Let me just learn to sit with a disappointment.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Let me just learn to be disappointed, yep, and.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: And so I.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: You know I have a business People.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, you know, people don't want to work with me or I get a refund request or whatever.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, you know, and I'm sensitive.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: So I was just a little disappointed and I was eating disappointment until I learned how to just be like.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, I'm just disappointed, I'll just be with myself.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Disappointed, although sometimes I still do, like a peanut butter and jelly.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: It's not like you know, but it was a funny thing that you said and that I was like, oh, I remember it when I noticed that.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I remember when I noticed it?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so many, and that's an amazing acknowledgement on your part.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: So could I sue you for even getting to the place of acknowledging what is?
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Why am I doing this?
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: And that you were able to move out of the, maybe the behavior of eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you didn't really want it, needed or desire it, but you were doing it to cope with something else and you came up with you realize it on your own and the fact that you said let me sit with us.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: That's what people struggle with.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I don't want to sit with those feelings because when we sit and we're quiet, thoughts and emotions and memories might start percolating to the surface, and that's what we're afraid of and that's what we have to do is we have to walk towards that fear, and oftentimes my clients, I do it with them.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: So in a way, it's like my hands on their shoulder, virtually speaking, or I'm holding their hands and come on, let's go, let's go, you can do this, let's walk towards it.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: And then they find you know what?
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I don't really want to binge anymore.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: I'm purging, so to speak.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I'm emotionally purging what's inside of me, and therein lies the answer Okay, yeah, I don't have that desire to really want to binge anymore or restrict food.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: It's just food, just become food now.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so juicy.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: So in my work I'm typically working with people spending, and I'll tell you a quick story because I think it's so fascinating.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: We have a client.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: We're finished our work together.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: But I had this woman who was a special ed teacher in a big city and so all of the students in her classroom had behavioral issues.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: They were there for their behavioral issues.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: So every single one of those kids was in her room because she was a master at handling and doing this work.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: And she said to me when she hired me she's like last year, whenever a kid had an outburst, I would go and I would take one of the snacks that I bought for the kids, so I would eat like a little tiny bag of M&Ms, I would eat a little tiny bag of cookies or whatever you know, peanuts or whatever she bought for the kids.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And she said and I would take the snack out to the hall for just a second, I would eat the snack and I would go back.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: And she was like I gained like 45 pounds.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: And she said so I recognize that I had to stop doing that.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: And so when she became my client, it was because she'd had credit card debt and she put the, she did the exact same thing.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: She said, when so-and-so would do such a thing, I would go onto my phone for just a second and I would go to Amazon or go to Macy's and I would just buy something and then I would come back to my classroom and that was it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, that's the same, the same trigger, the same stress response.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It was just a different kind of consumption.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, so when we worked together, that was that was actually the truth of it, because she was.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: She was like, oh, I remember so-and-so peed on the floor Like one of her students peed on the floor and she was like and then I came home to an Instapot that I cannot remember buying.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: And then she was like, oh, but then I remember one of the kids had a behavior peed on the floor on purpose, and she was like I came home to an Instapot on my front porch that I didn't want, I didn't need, and it was on my credit card statement, you know and I was like, oh, so fascinating.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: It's all intertwined.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: You know it's all intertwined why we do the things we do.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I mean I talk about retail therapy.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: So there you go, it's retail therapy, and we kind of say it jokingly.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: And you know, because this is, you know, your wheelhouse you can get yourself into a lot of trouble when you use retail as your therapy versus actually seeing a therapist to talk about why we behave the way we do, what's really going on inside of us.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: So, whether it be shopping and racking up your credit card or just just eating and eating and eating to, you know, eat our feelings about the stress we had that day at work.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Because we work, you know, maybe it sounds like a behavioral mod.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: School or kids are acting out.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: That's a stressful job.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: You got to have an outlet there and so I get the stress, I get all the stress.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Of course, I think all of us are compassionate and empathic towards the stressful job like that.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: The only thing that I would say is pivot.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: And rather than you would say maybe, rather than buying the Instapot, I would say, matt, rather than maybe going and eating a whole box of cheeses which you're going to feel crap about yourself later, let's find another way for you to cope with or manage a stress in your life.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: There are lots of other ways that you can manage that stress.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: It's there, it's real, it's legitimate.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: But let's just find another way for you to cope, where tomorrow morning you don't wake up going I f-ing like ate that whole you know thing of ice cream.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Why did I do that?
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: So here we go and then you wake up the next day you just feel badly about yourself.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: There's all that noise and there's guilt.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Why'd you do that?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: You have no self control.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Now we're going into shame.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's just I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: That's sort of you know mental anxiety and just the criticism that we do in our heads which you would never know.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: You'd never know by seeing people at work or seeing your girlfriends what they're dealing with, unless they told you.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: We're all walking around with these thoughts in our heads.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, All right.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: So what are?
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: What else are some of the things that you work on with your clients to help them kind of move through this?
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: So we talked a little bit about just noticing the trigger, like how it comes, learning to sit with your feelings.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Is there anything else that people can do to start to really rewire that or like, not like rewire but like re-record those scripts?
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Notice your trigger.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I think that that's really important.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: I think one thing that's also important is for everybody to look at how they're spending their daily lives and for many of us, maybe, like snacking or grazing on a lot of food that we're not really hungry has become a habit.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I know that I've been guilty of that myself, that we get into these habits that don't really work well for us.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Like I got under really habit of eating spoonfuls of peanut butter because I love peanut butter too, and I'll just sit there and I'll just sit there and lean against the counter and I know not to do this because I counsel my clients to do it.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So I'll tell you, you know I do it too.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: I might just know it a little bit quicker.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Leaning up against the kitchen sink with a big jar of peanut butter, I'm like putting spoonfuls.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: That's not a good habit and I've broken it.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: So be mindful of and start to acknowledge what are your habits.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Maybe every day, around one or two you notice that like you start to drag a little bit your blood sugar goes down.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: And there you are with your head in the refrigerator looking for what I can eat, or you're in the pantry going what chips can I grab right now?
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: And we don't pour them out into a bowl, we tend to just eat them right out of the bag.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: So that's a habit that many, many of us have gotten ourselves into.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: That's that we can change pretty quickly, just becoming aware of it and acknowledge what habits you're doing in your life and start to move out of it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: So that's a big one.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: I help a lot of people around that.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: That's what people come to coaching for because they're not aware of their habits and their routines, and I help them get aware of them.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: That we change the behavior.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: That's another one.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Again, it's not about who you are, it's all about your habits.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: So, number one look at your triggers.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Number two, look at the habits in your everyday life.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Number three I want people to start really becoming more aware of who they're following and who they're looking at on social media.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: That compare and despair game is not a good one, and I don't want anybody.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: If I could wave a magic wand for all your listeners, I would wave the wand of you are no longer going to compare and despair your body over people you follow in social media.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Social media If you feel badly about the way you look because of people you're following on, especially Instagram and TikTok, I'd ask you to unfollow them.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: When I started really shifting my body image, what I did was I followed a whole bunch of plus-size models and I could see with my own eyes that they were beautiful Like.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I could see that they were just magnificent the way that they were and it was for me anyways, that was the thing.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: It's like.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I could see the beauty outwards before I could see it in the mirror.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: But I followed all of these plus size models for quite some time, so when I was scrolling through my feed, I could be like, oh, there's this beautiful like, and it was just a different version of beautiful women, cause, like, whatever, you're going to see beautiful women on all of the social medias, on all of the advertisements, on all of everything.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Women are just magnificent.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: It was just beautiful creatures.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: You're just going to see beautiful women.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: But I noticed that all of the women that I was seeing like being beautiful were all not like me, and so I followed all of these, these plus size models, and a that was a big.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: That was a big changer for me, because I just came to see them as beautiful Like it was.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, look at, she's gorgeous.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, there you go, and then and then the algorithm sees that you're following these beautiful plus size women and the algorithm shows you more of these beautiful women, and so that's important.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: So I would tell everybody please stop following people who make you feel bad about yourself, and please stop following people who are showing, showing you, what they eat in a day.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I just have such a criticism about that, because what do we do?
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: We go I don't eat that, I don't have that, I don't have the money to buy that expensive protein powder.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: I'm, I'm.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I really am getting a little tired of people on Instagram, these influencers.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: You know, they don't want to know what they're eating in a day, but then we go to the place of well, okay, that's really hard, I don't do that, or maybe I don't want to fully do that.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Is there something wrong with me that I don't want to do that?
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Or do I have to buy?
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Do I have to eat everything?
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: You don't want to eat like that.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: Maybe you don't like to eat chicken breasts, maybe you don't like broccoli, you know, maybe you don't find your own way, all right.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: So really, really, really pay attention to your social media, the people you're following.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: And the last thing I would say, which I think is really important, is remember we got to stop comparing our 40 year old body to our 18 year old, 23, 25 year old body.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's really important, because I find that what women tell me all the time is well, I'm 45 years old and I have those genes from before I had my first baby.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: I can't get back in them and I'm really pissed off and I can't get back in those genes, or I can't get back in my genes when I was 30.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Throw those freaking genes out and start to love on yourself the way you are now.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Today, we are comparing ourselves to the person we were when we were in our.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: You know, maybe it was our ideal time.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Maybe we're like yeah, but I was going to like crunch fitness or I was going to whatever it is.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: You know I was doing like five days a week because I didn't have kids and I could do it after work.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Well, your life has changed because maybe now you have you live in another part of the country where I don't know, you can't get to that gym anymore, or you have children and you're running around like a crazy person, or you're going through a terrible divorce or you're taking care of your aging parents.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: You weren't doing that 10 years ago, you're doing it now, and it's hard now.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: That's what I think we do is we do compare ourselves to our older bodies.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: We do that even though we didn't even like it, then that's like another thing that I was really hit it for me.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: I was like I'm not going to spend the rest of my life feeling less than only to see that I was magnificent.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Always were and are now.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, like that was.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: That was another big shift for me, because I just remember, like, looking at pictures where I was.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I was definitely.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I remember looking at the pictures when I was, you know, like when they came out right, like so when they were taken, when I saw them, and being like yeah, yeah.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: And now here I am later and I'm like yuck what.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so silly.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Exactly, I look so good back then.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: You look amazing now and remember that, right, you know?
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: And the the final thing I want to say about all of this is it's it's always easy for me to to give tips and I'm and sometimes hacks on.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: You know how to move out of this poor body image that so many of us go through.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: But I have to say this it is nuanced.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: So when I'm working with my clients, everybody comes to me from a different place, right?
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: So these are general tips.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: So if you work with me, you will see that I'm I'm working with you, the individual, my clients who come to me.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Some people they've got a lot of body image issues around what they heard as a child, so maybe that's the focus of a lot of messaging.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: So with with them, I'm going to be doing more of cognitive behavioral therapy, a little bit of dialectical behavioral therapy.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I'm pulling in my certifications as a therapist into my coaching world and I'm coaching people on what they need.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Some people don't have, you know, early childhood, family of origin issues and they just have these really crappy habits that they've gotten into and they know it and like I need help changing my habits because I've got like a bad habit of doing this every day, like I talked about the peanut butter or I'm in this not great routine, so that's what they need.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: So it's different for everybody what they need.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Some people come into me and they say and I, like, I am obsessed with Instagram.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I can't help it, I'm obsessed, like I'm obsessed with influencers, I want those bodies and why can't I get that?
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I'm so frustrated.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: But I can't help it, I'm so frustrated.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: So for them, we work on starting to bring down their social media exposure.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: So I just want to say that it's nuanced and it's different for each individual who is looking for help around body images.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes a ton of sense and the same things that drew with my work, where I can put general things out there and then when I work with clients, we're looking at their transactions and oh, that's such a valuable point.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: All right, so tell us where, like where can people find out more about you?
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I know you have a podcast Like what do you offer?
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Where can people find you?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Give us the shameless plugs.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks for asking.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: So you can go to my website, annamarcolinecom, and there's coaching packages in there.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: I've got a six week coaching package for people who really just they want to do six weeks and they want to work hard, they want to work fast and they are looking for maybe one or two specific things around body image they want to work on.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: I've got then a monthly one that continues after that for people like, okay, I'm not done.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: And then there's also a high ticket coaching program which is one-on-one with me and that's for people who want to work with me and they want me three, four, five days a week.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: So that's a high ticket one.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: There are people who are like no, no, no, I need to talk, I need someone to call me for like 10 or 15 minutes on a Tuesday morning when I'm really my trigger time is coming up.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: So there's the high ticket offer in there as well.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: You can listen to the podcast, the Badass Confidence Coach podcast, where that's all things mental health and wellness.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: This week's episode is with myself and my husband comes in and he's like my co-podcaster and this week is talking about the sting of rejection.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: How do you deal with and recover from the sting of being rejected.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: So we're talking about all kinds of mental health and wellness issues.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: And then I also have guests amazing guests on.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: You're coming on talking about all I can't even wait, yeah.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: So we're talking about I had somebody on last week talking about how to think quicker when you're put on the spot, how to give a eulogy, how to give a toast at a cocktail party, how to speak up in a staff meeting.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: He was an amazing guest Matt Abraham's.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Then I've got people like you coming on talking about money mindset.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: So the podcast is a great way for free, to get amazing tips to improve your life.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: And then I'm in Instagram, at TikTok ask Anna Markaline.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: You can follow me there and I'm also providing some good information on there.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: So there's lots of ways to see me.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: There's lots of ways to view me and to develop that no like entrust factor.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: And then you can always email me hello at annamarkalinecom, and I'm happy to converse with you, get on a call with you and just help you out Any way that I can.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, so good, I love it.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: So there's the podcast, the website, the TikTok, the Instagram Beautiful, so you could find Anna on all the places that you would go on your phone.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Beautiful, beautiful, all right.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: So thank you so much for coming.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I love all of the things that you shared and I think that people are going to just be moving through, because I think body image is just like we're just ready to let it go.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: We could just be having way more fun.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Absolutely we don't need to be in this sort of mental angst anymore.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: No more of it.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: We can move past it.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: All of us can Love it All right.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you, and to everybody listening, thank you, I appreciate you.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I love you very much and I will see you next week.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next week.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 38:45
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• 38:52
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• 38:57
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• 39:05
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• 39:08
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• 39:12
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• 39:21
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• 39:31
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• 39:40
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