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How can I cope when children leave home? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: How can I cope when a child leaves home or children leave home?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You may have heard of emptiness syndrome, which is a phrase used to describe feelings of sadness, loss, grief and loneliness when our children leave home.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is a significant life change for us and for them.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: For them it marks an exciting new beginning.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: For us it marks the end of a big and important part of our lives and our identity and purpose.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Having your child at home inevitably forms a big part of your daily routine and the way you think and feel.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Parents are involved with many aspects of their lives such as their friendship groups, their interests, their relationships, their work or studies, and their aspirations and worries.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Much of this disappears when they leave home.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: We do not play such a big part in their lives, although we never stop worrying, loving and caring for them.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is worth mentioning that some parents find the transition easy, and find it easy to focus on things they have been unable to do with children around, such as go on holidays, decorate a child's room as an office or study, or exchange a family car for something a bit smaller and sportier.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: We're all different and have different relationships with our children, so there is no one way on how this can go.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is easier for parents to make a transition by using some of the below tips.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: So one, it's important to stay connected.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Whilst your child will be in their own space, regular check-ins can help maintain your relationship.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just because they do not call you, it doesn't mean that they don't miss you.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Life can get busy for them and you, so please make time to reach out to them.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe cooking at meal times together and sitting and eating via video call, watching a favourite show together, or just having a general catch up.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it doesn't have to be regularly once a week, once a fortnight, whatever suits you.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So number two, focus on the positives.
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  SPEAKER_00: You have raised an independent, confident child who is ready to go out into the world with all you have taught them.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Look forward to all of the exciting opportunities they have ahead of them and how you will be able to share and celebrate them.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: three, establish new routines that include more activities focusing on yourself.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So partake in your favourite hobbies and interests a bit more.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You may like to arrange date nights with your partner or even take up a new evening class.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, think of all the things that will stay the same or get easier, the practical stuff after they leave, such as the fridge contents remaining there for longer, your ironing pile smaller, your food bills lower, unless of course you're contributing to their own food bills as they're at uni.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or and your energy bills decreasing.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Start a new tradition such as sending an advent calendar or every birthday booking into a favourite spa so you can enjoy the day together.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Number six, seek support.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: You may know other parents going through something similar, so do reach out to them.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing experiences can give you ideas on how to navigate this change for yourself.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Some couples find that their children have been the glue that holds them together, so disconnect can surface in the relationship.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do not hesitate to talk about your feelings together and how can you reconnect if this is an issue.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: There is some really good advice at www.relate.org.uk forward slash get help forward slash how to cope when your child leaves home.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Plenty of parents have said that once they saw their children happy and settled, their own worries and sense of loss also abated and they could move into feelings of pride and feeling happy and excited for their children.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Coping with emptiness syndrome can be difficult, something I'm currently experiencing, so you're not alone.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Fill the gaps left in your life for new adventures for yourself, and remember if you are struggling, there are plenty of resources online to help.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Please take care, and I hope this has been helpful and reassuring.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: You will adjust and get through this.