Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 61: Patterns of Jealousy & habits of healing

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Episode 61: Patterns of Jealousy & habits of healing · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: This is Jenna Zint, and I'm doing an episode on habits to break up with jealousy, or habits of jealousy, and then what we do to break up with them.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure anti-habits and pro-habits and all the things, anyways.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So I just wanted to start this episode because I know that I'm not alone in struggling with jealousy and I think, um, depending what I've noticed and I was doing a little bit of research to like some psychology, like, um research, that, depending on where you're at and your level of, like, health, with your self-esteem or self-worth or value, so maybe, like we would call that in Christian world, identity, so like how well rooted or shored up, you know, like strong those aspects of yourself are, then jealousy may happen more or less.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So for me, I would say that, on the, when I think of identity, I think of lovable, valuable and worthy, and I think of that those questions am, I do?
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I have worth?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Am I valuable?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Am I lovable?
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Am I chosen?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll throw that one in there too that to me there's a big chunk of that, that is, I mean, maybe 99%.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Actually, how about this that is solidified to?
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, because of who I know and how God thinks about me.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: And it's not enough.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I've met people who I'm like you can say the right answer, but often I actually think the best is it Liptis test, or let's just say acid test to how well your identity is shored up is in friendships, especially in adult friendships, because the insecurities that pop up or the offense that happens, or what you hear versus what they said, or things you start to question or defend, often reveal the most like to the level of which our identity is secure and attached in God.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: And what I don't think is that it means friends or relationships don't have impact on your emotions.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: To my husband and I actually just recorded a podcast about the difference of listening to and having emotions versus listening, through your identity, to someone's pain Like am I bad, am I good?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm actually.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I'll link that in the show notes.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I need to remind myself of that, but I'll link that episode.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm literally going to write a note right now to the show notes.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But the point of what I'm saying is not that that doesn't happen.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Like you experience an effect when someone's you know in relationship, like they have, they should have an impact on your heart.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: That's where we experience connection and vulnerability.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: But having our identity set is like a separate thing.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: So with jealousy, I think the frequency that it happens or how deeply it hits you or throws you off kilter probably is most often indicative to the level of how secure someone's identity is, or self-esteem or value or worth, like how set or how much healing they've experienced because of the nature of human nature and even what all the Bible says about, like our salvation and it being a race that we're not finished till the end.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know that anyone has fully ever arrived.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I think it's one of those things that there's always more room for growth.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: But I think you all can probably think of someone who you've met, even in adulthood, who you can tell isn't secure in it.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: So my point is most of us and most people in my friendship world don't have jealousy happening often, but it does pop up.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: It almost reminds me like a well-manicured lawn and still like that weed pops up every now and again.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So that's the perspective, because that's my battle or relationship with jealousy.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: And it's hard because when you've done a lot of work and healing and when you've really are someone who, like, sits with the Lord and like, knows your value and your worth and your identity, is that I almost, when jealousy would pop up, I felt embarrassed, I felt ashamed, I didn't actually recognize it as jealousy for a while, which we'll get into, because I thought I was beyond that, if that makes sense, like I had grown past that.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I can't believe this is happening.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It must not be that.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: That's like a juvenile emotion or response or reaction.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: And then I finally just started getting a little more honest with it.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I do actually have jealousy pop up from time to time.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So I think for me, the reason I felt surprised or contempt which we'll get into, for when jealousy happens inside of me is because I actually like so, and I think this is true for most of the people who are listening.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Probably you love your friends and even like, the more you know that you're loved unconditionally we want to then I always think about it.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: The more we are and receive love, the easier.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: We don't even have to try but we show up in love, like when we receive unconditional love.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: It's not this thought to like do, it's just an overflow of being full, like a cup that's overflowing.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: So when I because I want to be that for other people and I genuinely I'm an extrovert, so I really love being around people and I find different people fascinating and I can see the Lord in different people, it feels like personalities and interests and quirks are all kind of maybe just different facets to be like.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's a treasure hunt with people, like discovering what aspect of Jesus that I haven't seen before.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: That's hidden in them, you know.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: But so then it almost felt more surprising when jealousy would happen because I have habits in my life and built my life.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I would say again most people that I know, friendship wise or just leaders, or you've done some level of work I'm almost 40, like that part of your life you want to be encouraging to friends, you want to be supportive, you do not want to tear down friends or be gossiping.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: So I think it's like almost I don't know if I'm trying to find verbiage for how I feel when that little dandelion of jealousy pops up in my decent, pretty lawn, I'm like, oh, that happened again.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's not the kind of person I want to be, that's not who I am, that's not how I see friends and it's not fake that I'm supporting friends.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: And then jealousy happens.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we could throw the baby out to the bathwater and I would go to like, when jealousy would pop up, I'd be like, oh my gosh, do I not actually love people?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Well, am I a hypocrite?
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Is it all false?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Like I would.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: That's kind of my nature to kind of shame spiral when something not pretty pops up in me.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I've gotten better, I've made a lot of growth to not go down.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: You know, in chutes and ladders when you hit a chute and you're like down.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: You know, in chutes and ladders when you hit a chute and you're like to the beginning so fast.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: That's what I used to do with shame.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: So now when I experience I'm like no, no, no, we're not, we're not doing that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's get curious.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Yep, repentance is totally appropriate here, but we're not going to like go back to I am a worm Like that's not, that's too big of a dramatic, dramatic action.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: That's actually where condemnation can come in and spoil like an honest, earnest conviction moment.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, I started first had to be honest with when jealousy would pop up and, interestingly for me, most often when it would happen.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I first started with be like, oh, that is jealousy, I want it to be something else or I'd over-dramatize.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: And then finally I was like, oh, there's my, oh, my gosh.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: This analogy I just got is hilarious.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: It's like I said it's the weed that pops up every now and again.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: But the analogy that just came into my brain was it's like that chin hair that pops up every six weeks and you're like crud, it feels like it comes out of nowhere.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden it's an inch long and you're like I swear.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I look at my face a couple of times a day in the mirror.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: How did this six inch long chin hair pop up?
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Like darn it.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: That's kind of what it felt like I hope someone else is out there laughing, or I'm like, yeah, yeah, I get that.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: That's how my jealousy feels like too.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: So it'd pop up every now and again and finally, when it did, I stopped being totally sunk by it, you know, and doing the shame spiral, like I just said, and I started getting more curious.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: So that was my second step was breaking up with that huge contempt and judgment for myself and getting more curious about like, what is?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: How is what is jealousy rooted in?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: What's the pattern of when it shows up?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: What's the common thread of relationships or certain friendships or situations that it comes up?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So that would be my next step is, when you notice it popping up, actually get more curious about the timeframe, the situations, the friend group and then looking at it.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: We have a whole podcast about looking at things like a judge instead of a scientist, whole podcast about looking at things like a judge instead of a scientist, and I actually think that would be a really helpful one episode podcast to listen to as well, because it kind of gives you more framework.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I can briefly just say be a scientist and look at it with curiosity to try to find the roots of trends when jealousy pops up.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: But that episode is worth listening to because it gives a lot more verbiage to unpacking that concept.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: But when I would ask you myself like, okay, what relationships?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: What are common situations?
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: And one, there is a certain friend probably two friends that pops up the most often and, honestly, having it be common in a relationship felt more shameful for me because they're legit friends and I truly love them.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: So I would really beat myself up because I'm like that is not who we are, jenna, like that's not how we feel we are excited for them.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: You know, like I would try to white knuckle or talk myself out of it more than get curious about the message it was trying to send me.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Specifically because it was a common relationship.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Man, I remember if I'm honest with you guys, like specifically in these relationships, that it was a common like.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I knew that it was relational, specific versus like friend, specific versus situational.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I remember going on prayer walks and binding stuff and breaking stuff and just like looking at my heart with such disgust and be like, oh God, I'm sorry, I'm this kind of person.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Well, like I probably shouldn't be their friend.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: They're not safe around.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: You know, it just got.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: It got real dark and real hyper-spiritualized because it just kept popping up.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: So finally I was like, oh, this path of dealing with this chin hair of judgment is actually not working.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It keeps coming back.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: If I actually want breakthrough, I probably need to be more curious.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I noticed like I let a little bit of curiosity happen and notice it was a pattern in our relationship.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: But let me get deeper.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And then, when I got deeper, I got to some really profound awareness of like, oh, because they're building something similar than me or in a similar lane, like it's about that more than it is about them.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, okay, like I actually saw that it wasn't me not being for them, which is kind of what I thought jealousy was happening, specifically when it was relational specific.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I actually am truly for them.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: That's authentic.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: There's something about the crossover and what we're going after.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: That's actually hitting the jealousy button.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: So then I got more curious about that and I was like, oh, it is actually situational, not friendship relational.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: So that made me.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: It was like, oh, and when I didn't uncover that when I was so judgmental towards this chin hair of jealousy popping up periodically.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So then what I recognized when I was noticing it was situational for me, I was like, oh, the common thread, even though it was relationship specific, was still situational.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Was that when it's something like if I'm going after growth in this or building this business or had this new idea or read this great new book or something, and then someone else brought it up or is doing that or building or talking about that, I would feel this protective thing and it was like, yeah, it's probably like self-protection of like, no, my precious or that was mine, or I have that idea, or I told you about that, and now they're launching and all these things and I just realized.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: So I felt judgmental again, or scared Actually I probably.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: When I stopped being judgmental about that reaction, I was like, oh, there's, that's fear.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, what's the fear.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And when I looked deeper under it, I, that's fear, okay, what's the fear.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: And when I looked deeper under it, I was like, oh, the commonality for me most of the time with jealousy under fear is a lack.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: If they do it, I can't.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: If they say it, they'll get the praise and I won't.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: If they promote it, there'll be less clients for me.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: If they get highlighted, then I get in the shadows.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, the reason I feel jealousy with them is that there's this like seesaw mentality of what they're getting.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: If they're elevated, then there's less for Jenna.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: And I had to just pause and I was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense what I'm not saying.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: When I was looking at some of these roots of my jealousy was that I'm okay staying there, or that's true Like that.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: That is true that there's less if they get something.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: There's less for Jenna.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: What I can see, though, is the logic of how we got there and why jealousy was almost like a protection for this little, this younger part of me.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: So then I started um, actually at one point, remember sitting with the Holy spirit when I saw that I'm like okay.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Actually, at one point, I remember sitting with the Holy Spirit when I saw that I'm like okay, how old is this little part of Jenna that picks up the tool of jealousy to try to fix areas she's afraid of lack?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: If her friend gets it, then there's less for her.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: And I get this picture of me being about eight, and it was like somebody I think one of my friends getting an award in class.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I'm closing my eyes and actually going back there.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: It's probably not helpful for the fast pace of a podcast to actually take myself on my own encounter, anyways, but like, I remember being like young.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: The point is, I was like eight, elementary school, and that was like the first time I can remember being like if they get recognized, there's less for me and I so.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Then now, when jealousy pops up, instead of contempt, shaming it, I'm like, oh, there's a little part of Jenna peeking out.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: It's eight year old Jenna has tried to start driving the car and adult Jenna is confused or sad or scared and or would be really intense and mean and rude to her.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Where now I feel like, if I'm imagining adult Jenna driving, controlling my thoughts, how I show up, you know my emotions, what I believe to be true, when little eight year old Jenna hears something and jealousy happens and then she's afraid of lack, that there's not as much for her.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: She tries to like make a reach hand for the steering wheel and like yank it to like course correct or keep her safe or adjust.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Um, adult jedi used to maybe like yell at her or like push her back or be like how dare you?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Or that's ridiculous.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: And now I do, like I imagine, when my son, who's scared of the dark, tells me he's scared of the dark, I'm not mad at him, even though it's illogical and it's not true.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: There's no monsters under his bed.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I'm kind and soft and empathize with what he's experiencing so that I can release him from it, versus like this stop it, stop it, stop it.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: So I imagine, when jealousy comes up and it tries to jerk the wheel quickly to course correct, to keep us safe, I'm like, oh, hey, little Jenna, you heard about your friend's new launch and you instantly got scared because you're afraid.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Realistically, like, if it's successful, that means that because you've been thinking about launching something like that in the future, there'll be less for you.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, I get that.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: And instead of which is literally a 180, from when I had ever sat with that part of me, it was just stop it, that's disgusting, we know, we're not meant to how terrible of a person you are.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Versus like, oh, you're afraid, I get that, you know what, though, the reality is.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: And then I'll introduce, after I give it comfort and acknowledge the message it's trying to send me, I bring in truth and to me this like lack.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Like I said, there was a common theme of like a bit of lack.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: After I address and give it some comfort, I then remind myself what's true about my dad, because that part of me that's scared of lack, or like I missed the timeline, or because I'm behind and didn't pull the trigger.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Now I've missed my chance.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Like any of that to me, whether it's lack of praise or lack of a position or a title, or lack of money or lack of time.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I remember I remind myself that, like, oh, you're actually not the biggest person in this relationship, and it's cool because I can actually imagine my little eight-year-old self like taking a breath.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: And this goes on the heels of that three-part podcast that I just finished on over-responsibility, where I, like broke up with how dependent I was on my hustle and my ability to work hard and how actually I had decided, like the Lord provided for me like an employee.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: So if I miss something, it's because I wasn't being a good employee and I wasn't working hard enough or quick enough.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: So when because I had done that work when this little part of me would come up, I'd be like hey, do you remember what's true, though, like that party that's afraid that you missed it, or there's not enough for you, or you'll have less money or won't be as successful when you do your thing, it's actually not up to you.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Your success was never.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, I feel so much empathy.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: If this hits true with you, I would encourage you to just close your eyes and listen while I'm talking to my little self, and imagine talking to your little self, but it's actually not true that you haven't missed it.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You're not too late, there's not less or too little, that actually your dad's the one who's in control and your dad is a king who has literally infinite resources, time, people, connections, titles, promotions, and this daughter of his getting blessed does not mean there's less or you're a second rate daughter Like oh, and this idea of the weight being on my shoulders, which would kind of fueled some of the fear and the lack mentality, is kind of twofold.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I would just be like it would remind me and I could like settle into the piece of just that this did not mean like I could actually go be happy for them, because it didn't mean there's less for me and it wasn't up to me.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: It did like a twofold piece where I'm like, ah, and I would take a deep breath and I would then remember, like whatever they're doing, so whether it was life coaching or launching courses, whatever, if we were trying to fix the same problem, I would be like, actually I'm really grateful that they did their thing because there are so many people problem.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I would be like actually I'm really grateful that they did their thing because there are so many people Like when I think about, like my heart actually and ever doing coaching or courses is to actually truly help people.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: It's not just to get bank money in my bank, you know.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: So if that is my true motivation, I'm like literally reminding myself I'm not trying to convince you guys, my audience, of it I'm like if that was your true motivation, aren't you happy oh, I feel tearful that more people are getting unstuck and aren't you actually really happy that more people's marriages are getting the help they need so that they're not bleeding out and there's not kids who are living in really hostile environments?
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Like, oh yeah, and it's cool because in my eight-year-old self, when she no longer carries the weight and she remembers there's not a lack, it's like she remembers the big picture of what we're for and the little phrase that I have to remind myself when I shift from Jenna needs to protect Jenna for herself and that lack mindset and Jenna has to work harder, faster, and I go to big picture of being a daughter who's cared for and whose dad is actually in control and building this thing.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I remind myself that I'm on their team because we all have a common goal Again, not money, but actually solving the problem and helping people.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: And then the cool part is for me, I remember that, oh, my little phrase for myself is I'm actually building.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not building my castle, I'm building his kingdom.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to say it again Take a deep breath, I'm not building my castle.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: That would be scary, that would be fear provoking.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: If you're building your castle, but actually that's not your life mission, because that's too small, you are actually kingdom minded and you're building his kingdom and there's more than enough in his kingdom.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: And that might sound cliche or trite, but like, truly, I've sat with this and had these conversations with the Lord and these encounters that, like it, it, it hit, it almost reminds me of like a harp.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: You know, when you pluck a string, it might be just a phrase, but it reminds me of this encounter.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I have in this bigger, truer hope outside of my small, narrow vision.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, okay.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: So when I feel that lack thing come up, I just I get to that spot and then my little self is like quieted and then it feels like it's no longer, like jealousy is no longer popping up, like managed it with care, with curiosity, with releasing it, with introducing truth and then reminding myself what the actual big picture is and that there's not lack in that and I'm grateful that someone else like it's almost like there's someone else on the front lines, like that is actually always true and then I start actually getting to a spot of like praying and blessing them.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of what I used to do when I felt contempt, when jealousy would pop up, is I would skip all those steps I just talked about and try to jump to the right answer, which would be like I bless them in their business and I'm so grateful that they got that promotion and I'm so happy their launch went so well or whatever that would look like.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: But actually, because I hadn't taken all those steps that was just lip service but because I took the time to give myself comfort, care, introduce truth, invite the Holy Spirit.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I actually meant those words, I wasn't simply just saying them, they were an overflow of my heart posture.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: So now, a lot of times my final, I would say a lot of times I'm trying to think through.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I would say maybe like 50% of the time, when I get to the spot of like, oh, and I'm so happy because they're so good at this and their product fits this in a way that I never could.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: And, man, I hope a ton of marriages or people get unstuck from that or this or launch.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I'm actually not giving you information about this because I'm not interested in you trying to decode who does Jenna struggle with, jealousy with?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: It's more like these mindsets.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: But then what I was going to say 50% of the time I then will text that friend some of those words of affirmation because they're so genuine that I'm like, oh, why would I rob them of?
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: You know, like an encouraging word.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Or sometimes it turns into prophetic because I start praying for them in different ways.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: So it's just been beautiful as I like.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Don't try to skip to there.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: I've actually experienced my own healing.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: And then there's something it's almost like in replace of the dandelion, something really beautiful and healthy grows versus a weed.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, now I have more to give away.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I hope that is helpful in recognizing your own jealousy.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And then I heard one friend once say that, because I think she traced hers back to, oftentimes it was rooted in lacks, whether it was lack of friends or lack of being seen, or literally lack of money or influence or worth or any of those identity things.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: If it's an identity thing, like taking that to the Lord and managing it that way, but if it was more of like possession things, so like a nice car or an easy job or something like that, that is a different category and my friend said that she would let it.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: It almost revealed what she valued.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: So instead of being jealous of their thing, be like oh, I have a value for quality furniture because I want to be able to pass something on to my kids.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: So I love this idea of, if you engage curiosity, getting to the message it's trying to send you, either about what you value or care for or believe to be true, and then getting some healing and comfort for those parts of you.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: So it's funny because now I've done this habit so much that when I feel jealousy, like when I hear about someone's something that evokes jealousy, I'm like, oh, little Jenna wants to grab the wheel, like I can actually feel.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: It almost feels tangible to me.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: It's interesting, I've never actually vocalized this before, but it almost feels like I can like hear little Jenna making a reach internally to like start driving the car.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, hey, young bird, I totally hear and I can just do it so fast because I've done slower, longer encounters that now I can adjust and notice and then get there a lot faster.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: But, um, yeah, so I hope that helps and send me all your DMS or questions.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I could do a follow-up podcast on this.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: If anyone has, I love it.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I've actually done quite a few in our Marriage Lab and Habit Lab podcast based on people sending me messages about follow-up questions or just questions in general.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: So send them.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I love hearing from you guys and I hope you have the best week.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Bye.