Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Haters Gonna Hate with Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley

Transcript

Haters Gonna Hate with Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks, and welcome to I Do Part two.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And if you got lucky in love the first time around,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: this ain't the show for you. I'm CJ. Holme alongside
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: my partner Amy Robot and Roll. It's difficult. Relationship is
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: difficult enough, but you have to go through all that
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: scrutiny and tabloids and constantly being scrutinized for your relationship.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: What's that?
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Like? What like? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't But our guest today they've been dealing with
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: it for a while, for years, for decade plus.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and they went away for a while, probably to
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: lick their wounds and to just enjoy some peace and quiet.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: But guess what, somehow, some way, they're back for more,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: and we need to ask them why, among many other
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: questions we have for our next two guests, but we
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: are very excited to have from the Real Housewives of
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: OC Gretchen Rossi and Slades Smiley Slades and og on
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: the OC and both of them are back for more.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: So welcome. How y'all doing.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Hi guys, Nice to see you.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, great to see you. There's a lot there. She
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: packed a lot in the door. I know.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I know. You guys ask the question like what are
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: we thinking?
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: And we're still asking ourselves what are we thinking?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: So what answer have you come up with so far?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Why would you put yourself back out there?
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: There is absolutely no good answer whatsoever. Yeah, NOx, you
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: have to tell us.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: How did it come about? Did they approach you? All
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: conversations were happening, you got back in the friend group.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: How did it come about that you all after eleven years?
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I think it was being away from the show end
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: up back on it.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: I feel like there's always been rumblings and talks and
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: always kind of like checking in with us and what
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: our interest is. And for a long time it was
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: an absolute no, you know, like no interest. We definitely
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: needed that break. We got scrutinized a lot. But then
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: this round they called and approached us. And when they called,
• 2:17
  Speaker 5: I just said I really I actually said no.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: And then he's like, well, let's just think about it.
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: How about don't say no, just think about it, and
• 2:26
  Speaker 5: then the executives are going to be in town, so
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: just meet with the executives when they're in town.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: And I said, I'll think about it.
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: So then he was texting and saying, you know, they're
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: coming to town, can we schedule it?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: So finally I.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: Agreed to it, and then I honestly said no three times,
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: like they kept making offers and I said no, no, no,
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: and then finally they ended up making an offer that
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: we couldn't refuse and we felt good about. And yeah,
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: that's why we decided to finally say yes. I mean,
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: that's the honest truth.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: But there's more too than that. Obviously, you know, she
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: had an opportunity to go back and do you Ultimate
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Girl's Trip.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, I did do that, so you know that was fine.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: We were back working with them. There's other projects that
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: we had in process with them, and so you know,
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: the original request to come back to Housewives full time
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: is not just that simple, right, because there's other things
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: that are happening, other projects in development. So you know,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: it wasn't because we just had no desire to be
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: involved with with Housewives, but it was because there were
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: so many other things going on. So you know, I
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: think over the course of several months and in those negotiations,
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: Gretcha was able to talk through everything. And I said
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: to her when she finally decided to go back that
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: if there was a season to go back, this is
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: probably the right season. She's got long standing relationships with
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: a lot of the women, some of them are newer,
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: but she's become close friends and so there's a lot
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: of authenticity there, just with either whether it be history
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: or with that new friendship. And so this this was
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: the season. I think it made sense.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, there are also long standing rivalries that are
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: now back in play, and it's we watched for the
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: drama and there's no shortage of that. We've been catching
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: up on this season already. So you made the decision,
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: you said, yes, you're back. Are you glad you made
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: that decision? Now that you're in the think of it
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: and we're starting to watch these episodes start to showcase, well,
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean short of drama. I mean
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: there's so much drama, and there's so much surrounding you
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: and camera so worse. How are you it gets worse? So,
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, how does that feel to put yourself back
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: in the boxing rings, so to speak, on public display?
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: You know, I think for me, I've never been afraid
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: to come on the show and share my life and
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: share my truth and share who I am. I think
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: what makes it really difficult is when people are willing
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: to say and do anything and make up lies about
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: you and your life.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, you know, that part of.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: It is really difficult, and that part of it I
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: absolutely hate. And you know, you know how they say
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: like in lawsuits, anybody can file a lawsuit and say
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: anything they want, you know, and then the world automatically
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: believes it. And so that's the part of this narrative
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: that's very difficult is when especially a you know, nemesis
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: of yours for so many years, has proven to be
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: that person where they love to make up lies and
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: love to make up things about you. It just that
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: part of it's hard. And I really really enjoyed the
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: season so much. I had such a great relationship with
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: so many of the girls on the show. As a
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: matter of fact, it was the most fun I've had
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: filming that I can remember. Like, I mean, I definitely
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: had some fun times back when I was filming, but
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: this was the first time being back with this group where.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: It was a different group. It was a different dynamic.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: It wasn't a lot of the same old like we
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: had new you know stuff, going on. Obviously, some of
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: the past is gonna get brought up because tamer and
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: I had a lot of stuff that we had to
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: work through.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: But well, you said something to me was very interesting.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: She's like, I may have disagreements with the other girls,
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: and yes there's conflicts and fights, but I feel like
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: I'm fighting with my sister.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: Right, we can agree to disagree and everyone can kind
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: of move on and there's no fracture in really the
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: friendship of the relationship. It's just when people try to
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: go too far. But for the most part, you know,
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: being a witness of her coming back and having experience
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: what she did, I mean, I think for the most part,
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: as you said, you had a really.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Good time you did, there was lots of less Sorry
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I just heard you say worked through. So you and
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: Tamra work through some things in the season. It sounded
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: like it was positive.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Well, no, what I meant was there was a lot
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: that we needed to work through.
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: But somebody obviously doesn't want to go back and address
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: a lot of those things in the past because my belief,
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: in my opinion, it reminds people of who she is
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: and the things that she's done. The thing that I
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: find ironic is she's running around telling the press and
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: telling everyone, Oh, Grutchen's stuck in the past, but yet
• 7:01
  Speaker 5: she's literally going to therapy to discuss her past and
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: the things that have caused trauma and pain to her.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: So why is it okay she uses for her behavior, right?
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: But why is it okay that she gets to go
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: and address her past and go talk through that, but
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: I'm not allowed to do that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: It feels very hypocritical to me.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, this doesn't feel to me at least. Guys manufactured.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: We talk to a lot of reality TV folks over
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: the years and sometimes they'll flat out tell us, yeah,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: we need a villain they had to have bring back.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So it's almost manufactured. And that's part of playing to
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the camera. YouTube. Sound like this is real? YouTube? Sound
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: like you have some real issues and thinks she has
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: some real issues. Is this really beyond repair?
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: Here's the thing for me, I always say it's never
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: beyond repair. But I do think that in life there's
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: a thing called accountability, and I think that in order
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: for things to be repaired, both parties have to be
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: willing to take accountability for the pain and the hurt.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: And the struggles that they have caused somebody.
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: And it's not just so like yeah, yeah, okay, I'm sorry,
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: let's move on because they just want to get done
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: with it. It's like to really feel hurd and to
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: really feel you know, recognized of the pain that you
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: went through.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: It takes more than that.
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: So that's what I was looking for from her, And
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: did I ultimately get that. You're gonna have to tune
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: in and see.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: All of the negativity and the comments and some of
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: the things that have been written about you both in
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: the press with this new season. At any point, has
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: it affected your relationship? Has it seeped into your relationship
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: with one another when you're being attacked like that.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't say.
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: Like, the thing that Slad and I always talk about
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: is that there's definitely times where the noise is it's
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: a struggle no matter what, and anyone that says it's
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: not is probably lying to you. It's always going to
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: affect you because you know, nobody wants to hear something
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: negative about your relationship. If anybody knows you two know that, right,
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: It's like it's difficult, especially especially when your heart is
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: with that person and you love that person. Hearing that
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: negative feedback is very hard. But at the end of
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: the day, the thing about Slayton and I is that
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: we are so we have such a strong foundation and
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: we love each other so much that there's nothing out
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: there that's going to be said that will break us
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: because it's the noise, it's their opinion, it's not what
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: him and I know about each other and what we
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: love about each other. And so we when we always
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: come back to that foundation and we remember why we
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: love each other, not because of what everyone else is
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: telling us, I feel like that's what's kept us together
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: for sixteen years.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And and so you're it's not that we don't
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: have conflict, or it's not that we don't fight, because
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: we do, but that conflict almost always stems from outside source.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: And it may be the fact that I'm super affected
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: by something that was said about me and I'm angry
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: about it, and she wants me to shut up and
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: reminds me why maybe making that common isn't the best
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: decision for you. So it really it's conflict in that
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: way where we try to just bring each other back
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: to center and just remind ourselves of the space we're
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: in we know the truth, but that's really what it is,
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: because we do. And I get upset too because I
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: see her being affected by something someone has said, right,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: and it upsets her and she's sad and she's angry
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: about it, and that makes me mad someone attacking my spouse.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: So you know, it's almost always, I can say this, truly,
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: almost always major conflict in our relationship has come from
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: outside sources or outside circumstances, any conflict that we've ever
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: had in our relationship internally. And I give her mad
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: props for this is that we can have an agreement.
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: We can either resolve or agree to disagree. But when
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: it's solved, it's solved. She has never once since sixteen
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: years ago. And you remember that time or you said
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: that nothing ever comes back from the past. When it
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: is done, it is done. We're smiling and we're going
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: to lunch fifteen minutes later.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: You know what was your last fight? You guys, remember
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: what was the last thing you two fight about? Thought about?
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Ice cream?
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: It was ice cream, wasn't it. As you said, I
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: ate the last drumstick.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, I was very upset that he ate the last drug?
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: Was that?
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Like I just one of the whole box.
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: I want a one drumstick, and I couldn't even get
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: one drumstick.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Our biggest fights have been I spilled orange juice on
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: a new purse. Yep, right brand.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: We've done that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: She almost divorced.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's silly fights.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Is that a good sign every relationship? Everybody in
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: your relationship? I would love to answer that question. Is
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it a good sign that you fight over petty stuff?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Or is it bad sign that you fight over small stuff?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Like it doesn't mean you don't have big stuff to
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: fight about.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I mean, listen again, big stuff again.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: There's there's always.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: In life.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: There's always big stuff. But I guess to us, like.
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: Like, it's never been so big that it has caused
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: a wedge in our relationship or a fracture in the relationship.
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: So I guess to us, it doesn't feel like it
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: was that big because it's never.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Really led to something. You know, Yeah, more intense between us.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: But let me let me tell you one thing that
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: my my lovely wife did. Two things. The first was
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: she has a degree in psychology. She failed to disclose
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: that when we first started dating. There's non disclosure. She's
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: smarter than me, and she knows what's up. She catches everything.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: The other thing she forced me to do, and you
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: can relate to this, is that when when men typically
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: get upset about something of this conflict, what do we do?
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: We shut down, we want to marinate, I want to
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: think about it. Right. She has been adamant in our
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: relationship that she makes me discuss things now and it
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: drives me nuts. What I've learned, this is for your audience.
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: Here's what I learned, and this is the best analogy ever,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: is that when you get a splinter, it's best to
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: pull out the splinter and you find it wasn't that bad.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: When you don't pull it out, that splinter gets infected, right,
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: and that infection can get very serious, to the point
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: where you end up in the hospital. And what do
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: you do. They want to amputate, they want to end
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: the relationship.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for saying this, because we have
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: the same issue.
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: But I just embraced and it has been a thousand
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: times better because at the end of the day, the
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: conflict comes typically from a misunderstanding, and it was never
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: as bad as I thought it was. The problem is
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: that when I go off and marinate. Right, and I
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: start spinning about things that aren't really so many and
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: I may say something I regret.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I'm so guilty.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: It's a male characteristic. I'm telling it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: And you get into your head and you create this narrative,
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: and then your enemies and all these things just build up.
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: You say things you didn't want to say. It's almost
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: like when you've been wronged in some capacity and you
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: want to send that skating email. You want to fire back,
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: and then they go, just sit on it today, just
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: wait a second, think through it then, and like, you know,
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: be more intentful in your response to things. So this guy,
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: he's like, why do we choose these to see?
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I'm still back on your splinter, right, I need to
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: go exit. I need to examine the splinter and see
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: how severe it is. And do I need to get
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: tweezers to pull it out? Can I just pull it
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: out with my hand? Is it that bad? How deep?
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I want to look at this for a little while, guys,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: and not just that's hilarious.
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: It's always just tweezers, dude, It's just a pair of tweezers.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: You don't get it with the Tweezers to begin.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: With Slade, I heard you refer to Gretchen as your
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: lovely wife on more.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Than one and today this moment.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, I will say I love the montage that they did.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: I think it was episode one this season where all
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: the people, all the doubters who thought y'all were just
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: putting on a spectacle and putting on a show and
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: playing to the cameras with your engagement. They all thought
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: you were doomed and full of it. Well, it was
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: like three or four of them all. They just kind
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: of showed the divorces that have all happened from all
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: of those women who were doubting you and doubting the
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: reality of your relationship. So you haven't officially or technically
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: gotten married, but you've been together and we're watching you
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: too now sixteen years into it. It's very impressive. Why
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: haven't you gotten married?
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: Gosh, how do we answer that? It's a little complicated?
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: That?
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: Well, it is and it isn't. There was definitely the
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: intense We even had a date on calendar originally the engagement,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: and I think we even announced that date on an
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: episode of Watch What Happens Live. But it turned out
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: that that date, A ended up falling on a holiday
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: that was in conflict with some family members, and I
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: ended up booking a mini series with History Channel, and
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: so I spent almost a month in Durango, Mexico filming
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: on that project. So we really postponed, and then when
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: we came back, we had conversations around also wanting to
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: start a family and have a baby, and we kind
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: of went, well, do we spend the money on IVF
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: do we spend it on a big wedding? And we went,
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: you know what time is of the essence? You are geriatric? Yeah,
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: I say, called me Jerry to have a baby yet
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: time for her age. So we just thought we'd put
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: the resources into having Skylar Gray and that has been
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: the biggest blessing in our life, right.
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And it was. And you know, after I had
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: the baby, I had a lot of postpartum depression. I
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: was what, I felt overweight still, And so it wasn't
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: until like just this year that him.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: And I started talking about again.
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: We're like, Okay, I feel like now it would be
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: a good time to like go finally get married.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: We call each other husband and wife because we have
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: been together for sixteen years.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: We have a daughter together.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: Everyone views us as if we are married, because we
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: live our lives as if we're married. So for us,
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: it's not We don't even think of it that we're
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: not married.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: We are, you know what I mean?
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: In Texas we would be right technically from a law
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: of state. But yeah, half and half the country I
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: think we are.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Does does Skuyler? Does that ever come up with her?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Does she care? One way or another? Think about it?
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Talk about it, y'all. Mommy and daddy all are married
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: in the house anyway, Yeah.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: Does care? Doesn't care. She'd be thrilled to walk down
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: the island, toss some flowers in the flower grass. It's awesome. Yeah.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: Is there any part of you that is concerned that
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: if you actually did get married it would somehow change
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: the relationship at this point?
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: No?
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: No, yeah, no.
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: I think the the thing about our relationship is we've
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: really been through so much, and again this is something
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: you can relate to. I think that when people first
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: start to date, it's easy to go to dinner, go
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: to the movies, hang out and have all the fun
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: stuff happen. But it's not until those challenges come along
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: or difficulties, whether it be someone becoming ill, loss of work,
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: financial struggles, whatever, that you start to see the true
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: characteristics of a person present themselves. Because I think everyone
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: kind of leads their best foot forward. They're not always
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: being super authentic in the beginning with the relationship, right
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: because everyone's protecting themselves. For us, a, we had a
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: ten year history as friends. We knew each other for
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: a very long time. We're at twenty six years now
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: that we've known each other.
• 18:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's so cute, kidding, Yeah, I mean I literally
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: used to send my girlfriends to stay at her house.
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: We were just we've been really really good friends and
• 18:44
  Speaker 6: when that friendship evolved into a relationship, we were easy.
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: Well it was easy on us, but the external circumstances
• 18:51
  Speaker 6: of loved ones being ill, public scrutiny, all of these
• 18:55
  Speaker 6: things happened so quickly at the beginning of our relationship.
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: And what I admire most about Gretchen is that she
• 19:02
  Speaker 6: doesn't run from adversity. She runs at it. She's that
• 19:06
  Speaker 6: person that stands by your side no matter what thicker
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: thin like.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: She is just there. And when you experience that from
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: your partner in the best of times, and the worst
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: of times, you know that I have mine forever after.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: And we went through so much and that's why we say,
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: now bring it on. There isn't anything that's going to
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: separate us. There just isn't. We've been through too much together.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: I just you know, yes, And we were nodding our
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: heads and smiling because yeah, we were friends for eight
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: years and talked about relationships with each other and all
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: of that, like without any design for romance in any way.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: So we get that. But when you know someone like that,
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: you're not putting your best date foot forward, You're not
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: hiding you're crazy because you're just friends and you're not
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: exactly Yeah, you're not trying to somehow get them to
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: like you or be attracted to you. You're just actually
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: being real. So that's a cool thing. And we've now
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: said building a relationship from friendship is amazing. It's the
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: secret sauce to really actually getting through those tough times.
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and it makes the most sense now. And
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: we were giggling. Was it this morning that we had
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: we were playing with Sky upstairs and she just kind
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: of laid down and she goes, you're my best friend
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: it was like, yeah.
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: It is like they legitimately are best friends. We've been
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: best friends for sixteen years. I have so many people
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: that asked me that. And you know, here's the thing
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: that's so interesting. You talk about that scene, about the
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: Karma thing or whatever, and when I said, you know,
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: Karma's a bitch whatever, I think, what's so interesting about
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: it is there's something to be said that you are
• 20:40
  Speaker 5: together because you want to be together, not because you
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: have to be together. And I say that because you know,
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: some people that stay in marriages are miserably unhappy and
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: they feel like they have to stay.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Because of the financial situation or this or that or whatever.
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: So to me, our relationship and being together sixteen years
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: because we choose to be is some times even a
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: lot louder statement than all these people are, like we're
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: married and then they're secretly going but I'm miserable, you
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: know what I mean. So so we're nice to have
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: a very you know, your best friend where you wake
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: up excited and I choose every day to be with
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: this man.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: And him with me, and that is a great feeling.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: Now what what she did do, which was quite creative,
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: I do believe I had to sign a long term lease.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, I did do that in that lease.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: If you don't so if you don't keep up the vehicle,
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: if you don't maintain yourself, she could train me in
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: further model should she choose at the end of that lease.
• 21:40
  Speaker 7: So that was her way back Housewives Day and I said,
• 21:44
  Speaker 7: I said, I think everybody should be on a lease
• 21:46
  Speaker 7: because then that way people will keep up with like
• 21:49
  Speaker 7: making themselves, dating people, and like really like.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Treating people well.
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: I think sometimes you get in this marriage and everything
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: just comes complacent.
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: Because you get lazy. But if you're under a lease.
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: If you're under a lease and I can trade you,
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: I'm doing it, you might not act up as much.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I have had that advice given to me several times
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: in my life about lease and then you have an
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: option to buy at the end of that least is
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: how they said it to me.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I came home and it was like
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: a modified automotive lease that.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: Were in there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: She wanted to kick the tires. It was all kinds
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: of stuff.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: We want to ask you about a few I guess
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: relationship trends these days and get your thoughts on it.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: One has to do with something you all already did,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: the woman proposing, and then a couple of things couples
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: in separate bedrooms, separate bathroom, separate homes. Even let's go
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: to the engagement thing first, okay, right, and we'll do
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: the others, take them one at a time. What do
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: you all think it worked for you all? But generally speaking,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: the idea of a woman proposing to a man, is
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: that not for everybody?
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: Well? This is all you.
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, No, I definitely think it's not for everybody. I
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: think our circumstance was very different. Slade had, you know,
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: wanted to propose, He was planned on proposing several times,
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: and I had my own hang ups and issues from
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: my first marriage, and so I feel like when I
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: finally decided to do it, it was my way of
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: saying to him, has nothing to do with you.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: It was me.
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: I was just in my own head and I wanted
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: just to show him how much I loved him and
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: how much I was willing to take that next step.
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: So our situation is very different than the traditional you know, dating,
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: fall in love, and then typically the man asked the woman, which.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I still think is such a beautiful thing.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: But I also think that it also empowers women to
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: let them know that, like, it doesn't always have to
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: be what tradition is. It doesn't it for it to
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: work or for it to be perfect. And the example
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: is how long we've been together, not married. It's like
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: we're legally married, I should say. You know, it's like
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: you don't have to do it the way everybody else
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: is doing it for it to work.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: You have to do what's right for you and what's
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: in your heart.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: Sure, And Gretchen's a very modern housewife, and I think
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: that for us, the I think was it twice twice
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: or three times that I was preparing proposals and you
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: kind of found out kind of pooh pooed. But for us,
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: Gretchen's no was not necessarily no, it was just not
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: now yeah. And maybe that's the difference. I think some
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: men go to propose, she says no, they feel rejected,
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: relationship falls apart, and I just knew with her it
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: just it was it was not now. Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: You know, that's very cool, that's very cool. What about
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: separate bedrooms or even separate beds? What do you all
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: think about that?
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: So we're going through a sleep divorce right now.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: For a couple of different reasons.
• 24:51
  Speaker 7: Yes, yes, but this guy decided, well we we shouldn't
• 24:54
  Speaker 7: talk about the bed, but he decided to get a
• 24:56
  Speaker 7: bed that I just don't like and I'm very uncomfortable.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: And then he got uncomfortable in it too.
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: But he snores so bad that finally I kicked him
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: out of the bed and so he has to sleep
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: on the couch. Now, this poor guy, and I feel
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: like you have.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: To go get like one of those machines that you
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: put on your face.
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: Yes, I don't, he helps to.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: It's so bad, you guys, like we have tried everything.
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: I have to kick him on hunt, you know all
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: those means on Instagram where it's like how do you
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: sleep last night?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Honey? And it's like the seal.
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: Going home, you know, like the whole thing, this torture.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: So right now we're in a sleep divorce. I sleep
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: on the stairs and he sleeps on the couch.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: Fart because I'm getting up early and was wanting to
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: go work out what's going and you don't want to
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: be woke up.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, that cannot be sustainable. How long has it
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: been going on and what is going to be the solution?
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: Okay, so it's been at least six seven months. I
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: actually get really.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: Sad at night, feels like do you miss him?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I miss him?
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: And we are the type of people where we go
• 25:58
  Speaker 5: to bed like touching something, like our feet are touching,
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: our hands are folding, we're cuddled something, and so like,
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: I absolutely hate it, but I really hate more that
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: right as I start to doze off, like right there,
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: he's just like start snoring. I'm like, I'm going to
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: kill him. I'm literally going to kill him. So I'm like,
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: I just we're just couldn't do it. But so we
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: have two solutions. We're going to get a new mattress,
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: which is gonna hopefully help, and then I'm going to
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: send them You're going to the sleep place.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: Why you want to send me to a sleep institute?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: There for a week, that place.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: I would love them.
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: Actually say, it's really bad for your health when you're snoring,
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: because sometimes it cuts off.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Your air bapany, yeah, like oxygen to your brain. This
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: is for your health.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: Because I'm blocking listen here, Sally, it's not affecting my brain.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: I'm fine.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: How about separate bathrooms.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not weird about that. I know people are weird
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: about that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: I mean, listen, if I was like, you know, uber
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: uber rich and we can build a house that had
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: two separate toilets or bathrooms or whatever.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: Cool, But like, I'm not weird about it.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we we pretty much use every bathroom in the house. Right.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: And then there are the people who actually live apart
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: and say this makes their marriage last forever. What do
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: you think about that?
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: I saw a girl on Instagram just talk about her
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: husband like lives next door, and she was like, I
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: love it because I get my my quiet time. I
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: get this, And I'm like, absolutely not. We would never
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: be able to do.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: We're very codependent.
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: Like he goes to the grocery store and I'm texting
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: him I miss him.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we've been talking. You look at these again,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: the same thing.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: We feel better, we feel we feel seen now.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, we're absolutely codependent as well, and we feel
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: a little bit bad about it. Like this can't be healthy, right,
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: I mean, it just can't be. Like when we deserve
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: a port for like an hour, like I miss you,
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I miss you, And you know.
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: What's even what's even better is it gets more like that,
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: Like the.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: The more you fall in love the longer you're together.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: I mean, if it's if it's the real deal for us,
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: it just has gotten more, Like I fall more in
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: love with him, and I you know, I don't know,
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: it just gets better with time for us.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: When did you know you just said it's the when
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: it's the real deal. When did you know like you
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: can hope, you can want it to be. When did
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: you know how many months years into your relationship did
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: you say we ain't ever going to break up?
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: Four days?
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: Four days?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Why did you all both know it was four days?
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Hey, we'll tell you.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: Like we said, we had known each other for ten years.
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: We've been really good friends. His girlfriends were coming to
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: stay at my house. Yeah, I was helping him deal
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: with some of his issues. He was helping me with
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: mine and I after my late fiance passed away, Jeff,
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: he was calling me all the time to check on
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: me and just see how he's doing because his son
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: had suffered from cancer and so he knew kind of
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: just all of those emotions around it, and so he
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: was checking on me all the time. And about I
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: think it was eight or nine months later, I was
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: going into a business meeting and as I was going
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: into this, it was with some men, and I just
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: felt still very vulnerable, and I was like, you know what,
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna call my friend and say, can you be
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: there as a male presence to help me in this
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: meeting in case I can't articulate what I want to
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: do or whatever.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: And so he said, of course.
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: So he drives down to the OC and he comes
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: to this business meeting. He walks in through the door
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: and I was like, huh. I'm like, I don't remember
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: remember beading this cute like it's all about timing in life, right,
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: And he walked through and it's like I saw him
• 29:31
  Speaker 5: through this different lens and I just was like wow,
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: like I just don't ever remember feeling like this googly
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: about him. And we instantly both had that like it
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: was just there and and I don't know if it's
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: because over these you know, eight months we've been talking
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: and he'd call me and be like, I feel like
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: I have to date five girls to meet the one
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: that I want or get the one that I want
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: all this, and so then we I I know, And
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: so then as we were arrive, so four days later,
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: he had to go to Vegas, to meet his dad,
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: and as we were driving to he asked me to
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: go with him.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: And as we're driving.
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: To Vegas, we talked the entire way out there with
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: no radio on nothing, and then we had the best
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: time in Vegas. And then on the way home, we
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: drove all the way home four hours with no radio, nothing,
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: and both him and I. A month later, when he
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: finally said he loved me, we both said to each
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: other that on that drive home, we both felt.
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: Like we find to say it, like.
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: I'm in love with you, I know it, and my
• 30:33
  Speaker 5: soul like and but we both were like.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: That is too soon.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: She was kind of weird, it's a little too soon.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: But we both just knew on that drive that we
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: were going to be together.
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: And I knew he was going to be the father
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: of my children, like something in my soul just knew it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: It was wild.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: You guys, this is really cool. Look, we're gonna have
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: to leave it there. We really hope we get a
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: chance to spend some more time with you all. We
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: were around a lot of couples, and we interview a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: lot of couples and all this, but we we really
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: believe we don't think you all are faking it, and
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: we're looking at you all and talking to you and
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: even hearing some of the stories are familiar to us,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: and you all just seem to have a good thing going.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: So congratulations on the sixteen years and continuing on and
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: good luck with the show. Thank you, thank you.
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: We'll look you up the next time we're on the
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: East coast.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Yes for sure.
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: And we wish you guys luck with everything in your
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: relationship too.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: I know you guys have been through a lot.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, my wife and I appreciate that as well. All right, guy,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: thank you all so much. We want to remind our
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: listeners here if you are navigating a new relationship after
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: loss of divorce and need some advice, you can call
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: us or email us. All the info is in the show.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, follow us on social make sure to rate and
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: review the podcast. I do part two on iHeart Radio podcast.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: We're falling in love is the main objective, and it's
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: so nice to talk to people who are staying in love.