Latest / The Entrepreneur's Wife: Finding Purpose as the Helper of a Small Business Owner in a Feminist Obsessed World / Don't miss what God is doing NOW because we’re afraid of what could happen

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Don't miss what God is doing NOW because we’re afraid of what could happen · The Entrepreneur's Wife: Finding Purpose as the Helper of a Small Business Owner in a Feminist Obsessed World

• 0:00
  What is up, guys?
• 0:01
  Welcome to the Entrepreneur's Wife podcast.
• 0:04
  I'm your host, Carly Rains.
• 0:06
  If you're new here, this is a podcast where we talk all about finding purpose as the helper to our small business owner in this feminist obsessed world.
• 0:16
  We really want to capture the heart of learning to be okay and content as a helper.
• 0:32
  And maybe you're sitting here and you're wondering, you know, when's it going to be my turn?
• 0:37
  You know, am I still important even though my husband is being super successful in this area?
• 0:43
  Do I still have purpose?
• 0:44
  Um, does my purpose actually matter?
• 0:47
  Like, is it as, you know, equivalent as what my husband is doing?
• 0:51
  And, you know, where is my identity really founded?
• 0:54
  Is it founded in performance or the things that I'm trying to accomplish, or is it founded in Christ?
• 0:59
  And, you know, again, am I content as a wife to a husband who maybe is super ambitious and has seen success?
• 1:10
  And I just I really want to come alongside and just hug and encourage the woman who is struggling with identity and struggling with feeling enough as her husband reaches milestones and successes.
• 1:27
  I I don't think this topic is really ever talked about much.
• 1:32
  Um, we live in such an individual mindset society where it's about what you can accomplish and your goals and your aspirations.
• 1:45
  And even in the marriage unit, even in the family unit, you see the husband has a job and he has goals, even outside of his career.
• 1:55
  He has fitness goals or he has, you know, personal goals or whatever goals, and you see the wife, and she has goals and aspirations, career goals and aspirations.
• 2:06
  I mean, a huge majority of women work outside the home.
• 2:12
  And so I want to be realistic on this podcast.
• 2:16
  You might stay, be a stay-at-home mom.
• 2:18
  I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I'm going to, you know, when I talk about being a wife and a mom, it's going to come from a place of being a stay-at-home mom.
• 2:26
  But you might have a job or you might work part-time.
• 2:29
  But regardless, you have found yourself where your husband has reached a milestone of success and it's great, and you love it, and you love seeing his dreams that he talked about years ago come to pass.
• 2:46
  But in the back of your head, you have this question: Am I enough?
• 2:53
  Am I always gonna be enough?
• 2:55
  What if one day I'm not enough?
• 2:58
  Does he still see me as the beautiful wife that he chased and pursued when we were dating?
• 3:06
  Is there ever gonna be a point to where he feels, you know, above or too good for our simple life?
• 3:15
  Our kids, myself.
• 3:17
  Um, and you might even struggle with the idea of well, what if there's another woman who's just as equally as ambitious as him?
• 3:26
  And is that gonna be a temptation for him to pursue her because he finds that ambition and those accolades and that performance attractive and that success attractive?
• 3:39
  And these are real hard struggles.
• 3:44
  I mean, these are things that currently I have faced, I have brought to Briston, I have been really honest with him that I, you know, have struggled with this idea of am I enough just as a stay-at-home mom and a wife?
• 4:05
  You know, and to put it to paint the picture in perspective, we are going on three or sorry, we're going on six years of Texas outlaw running, which is my husband's small business within the past couple of years.
• 4:22
  We have hired almost 10 full-time employees.
• 4:28
  We have gone from our tiny apartment to an actual office space.
• 4:33
  We have gotten trucks and more race directors, and our races have grown bigger, and we've hit revenue and profit milestones, and I have seen this exponential growth that can only be the Lord's doing um on my husband's business, and I've seen his hard work come to pass, and I am so excited for him, and it is bigger and it's moving faster than we expected, and it's awesome, and I pray that it keeps going and we keep stewarding this well and with wisdom, but with growth, I have struggled with my identity and my purpose more than I ever thought that I would.
• 5:20
  And if you know me, you know that I'm very performance driven.
• 5:24
  Okay, I work hard, I do things to the best of my ability.
• 5:29
  Something that like I've always in the back of my head thought is someone can be more skilled and more talented than whatever it is than I am.
• 5:39
  But one thing that they will not beat me at is giving 100%.
• 5:42
  I will always work hard and I will always do my best.
• 5:45
  And that is something that you know I haven't worried about with other people, but God has positioned me and humbled me um to quit my job, to stay home, to even quit Texas Outlaw when we got pregnant with our second baby.
• 6:02
  I stepped down from doing a lot of the marketing and the admin stuff, and I would work full-time with my husband beside my husband every day.
• 6:10
  We'd go into the office and I would work with him, and now I have stepped away from that.
• 6:15
  And it has it has been harder than I thought.
• 6:18
  It's been, you know, there's highs and lows.
• 6:20
  I feel like the higher the mountaintop, the bigger and lower the valley.
• 6:24
  Okay.
• 6:25
  So there are highs and lows.
• 6:26
  Um, but I just I just want to come alongside the women who are like, yeah, you know, I totally get that.
• 6:35
  I totally get the success, and making sure that we understand that we we are enough, that our our worth and our value, because really when you're asking the question of am I enough, you're really asking the question of value.
• 6:54
  And if you think about it in terms of money, okay, we place value, we place a price tag on things based on its worth or based on how valuable it is, and people affect that.
• 7:08
  So if something is, you know, a special edition or not that common, it's gonna have more value because it's more rare than common things are, and if it's higher quality, it's gonna be more expensive than lower quality things.
• 7:23
  So we understand value in terms of money, but when we ask the question of, am I enough?
• 7:30
  We're really asking the question of where is my value?
• 7:33
  Does my value is my value enough?
• 7:36
  Like, is my value enough to, especially as a wife, satisfy you?
• 7:41
  I think the biggest question we're asking as a wife is do I still satisfy you and if you will make you happy, not like complete you, but men are so funny.
• 7:56
  The longer I'm married, the more I realize how different men and women are.
• 8:00
  You know, Briston wants to be satisfied both physically but also emotionally, and I just feel like I'm always as a wife at the end of the day, it's it's satisfying his desires and um it's serving him.
• 8:17
  And so, you know, asking that question of Am I enough?
• 8:21
  Do I satisfy you?
• 8:23
  And you know, guys, I've I've really thought about like where does this question of am I enough come from?
• 8:29
  I think a big triggering factor is what happened with my parents.
• 8:35
  So, my parents, if you don't know their story, my mom, when I was in high school, she actually ended up cheating on my dad with someone that she worked with.
• 8:44
  So she worked in our school system and he was a coach, and she ended up cheating for like five months, um, cheating with him, and uh that's a whole story and of itself.
• 8:58
  I'm not gonna go into that, but that question of am I enough?
• 9:04
  Because as a child, I realized okay, something was off.
• 9:10
  There was something that my dad was not doing, you know, her relationship with the Lord got off, their marriage got off, and at some point, like my dad, I don't want to say was not doing enough.
• 9:23
  Got though there were red flags on both sides.
• 9:26
  My dad was working a lot, they weren't prioritizing their marriage like they should have been, nor were they prioritizing their relationship with the Lord, and temptation came and she was being satisfied by somebody else, yada yada yada.
• 9:40
  Um, and so I think this question of am I enough really has stemmed from that and just watching what my parents went through.
• 9:48
  Thank God they did not get a divorce, they ended up working out their marriage, and now they have a very healthy restor restorative um marriage, but still the some of the side effects from that whole experience still pops up every now and then.
• 10:05
  And um we hit we've hit some milestones in the business, and I'm gonna kind of go through those.
• 10:13
  Um, but you know, it's funny because we we always think the grass is greener on the other side, and as an entrepreneur's wife, I want to encourage you that no matter what success you reach, there is always gonna be a struggle pulling at your heart.
• 10:36
  And I I you know, I think we look at famous people or we look at you know, people who go viral on social media, whatever it is, whatever level of success that you see as oh, this is successful, a best-selling author, or whatever.
• 10:50
  Like whatever you see as success, I think sometimes we just assume it's all sunshine and rainbows, and that life is just so glamorous, and we forget how deep their valley might be and what they're struggling with.
• 11:05
  And so today is just a very honest conversation of these are great things that are happening with my husband's business, and I want to encourage you to pursue those goals that your husband has, but I also want to give you the validation that it's okay to be struggling as he's being successful.
• 11:26
  I think that's a normal human struggle, and really, guys, I'm kind of thankful for the suffering because it forces me to go to the Lord and say, Lord, I am dealing with this and I need help.
• 11:41
  Because you're either going to respond with trying to control it yourself and fix it yourself, or you're gonna cling to the Lord and say, Lord, like I gotta depend on you.
• 11:51
  And I think, you know, I'm I'm thankful that it has caused me to go back to the Lord.
• 11:57
  But um again, with success comes a deep valley that not a lot of people see.
• 12:04
  And I think about David, and I think about the verse in David when it says, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
• 12:15
  For your rod and your staff are with me.
• 12:18
  I think I'm pushed for that.
• 12:19
  Your rod is with me, your staff comforts me.
• 12:21
  You know, it talks about comfort.
• 12:22
  And um, I I I just want to encourage you that like even though you might be walking through the valley of the shadow of death, something I love about that verse is that it says, the shadow of death.
• 12:35
  So it's you're seeing it, but it's not actually happening.
• 12:39
  Like he's not actually experiencing death, he's just seeing a shadow of death.
• 12:44
  And so in our life, like what I'm going through right now, these questions of am I enough, or what if this happens, or these fears or just struggles that we're going through with these questions, those are the shadows of death.
• 12:59
  But it's not necessarily actually happening.
• 13:02
  Like some thoughts that I get is well, what if my husband finds another woman who's super ambitious and an entrepreneur and she she did her own business and she has all this things.
• 13:10
  That's like, what if he finds her more attractive than me?
• 13:13
  And it's like, okay, Carly, like that's a shadow of death.
• 13:17
  Like that's a thought, but it's not actually happening right now.
• 13:22
  And really, guys, the biggest thing that I have just learned that creates a lot of peace in these scenarios is being open and honest with your husband about your struggles.
• 13:34
  And like going to him and saying, hey, like I am struggling with this, I'm struggling with these thoughts, and and I need affirmation and I need validation.
• 13:44
  Like, I need to know what's going on in you, um, to so that you can help me be like, these are, you know, out the water and and not true and lies from the enemy and whatever.
• 13:58
  And um, so I say that to say we these past couple of weeks, we've just hit really big milestones.
• 14:05
  So, you know, the first one is that we moved into a new office space, and it's actually the lobby part we're gonna turn into a retail store.
• 14:16
  And my husband has always wanted a running store, like he's always wanted a physical retail place, and so this is like the guinea pig of that, and it's just it's an accomplishment.
• 14:28
  Um, we have a sign outside of our building that says Texas Allah running, and it's super cool.
• 14:36
  Um, you know, we hired a third race director, and just you know, every month for this year we've profited and it's it's been going up and we've been building more profits.
• 14:48
  Um, the net worth of the business has finally hit a million dollars, and that's that's amazing.
• 14:54
  Um, you know, with again how hard he's worked when he came from the business of being nothing to now its net worth is a million dollars.
• 15:02
  And I want to clarify that's the net worth.
• 15:05
  So typically a business is five, its net worth is five to six times what its profits are, and so that doesn't mean we necessarily are making a million dollars, it just means the net worth of the business, if we were to sell it, is a million dollars.
• 15:21
  So I want to clarify that.
• 15:23
  Um, you know, we've we've just seen just a bunch of growth.
• 15:27
  Our we had Outlast the championship in Dallas this past weekend, and guys, we had over 400 runners at this one event, and this is the biggest race that we've ever hosted um in Texas Outlaw history, and it was so awesome.
• 15:45
  So, you know, hitting these goals are really great.
• 15:49
  We've seen it on our social media a goal that we had at the end of last year was to hit like 10k followers, and so Texas Outlaw social media is growing, people like recognize uh my husband, he's been interviewed on different podcasts, and just he's been on the news, and just like all this different stuff is happening, and it's wonderful, and and I'm so excited for him because we do have big goals.
• 16:16
  Um, but I'm sitting here and the question in my mind is you know, is our simple life our two daughters, his wife?
• 16:31
  Like, is that enough?
• 16:34
  And it's something that goes through my mind on a daily basis.
• 16:37
  My husband is a big dreamer, so like he's always thinking big, and that's great.
• 16:43
  Um, but I've I've just noticed lately that I I want us to take in like where we're at right now, um, because we typically are like always dreaming big.
• 16:55
  And you know, something that my grandparents said is like don't miss what's right in front of you right now.
• 17:05
  Like, you know, you're talking about, you know, we're talking about building a house on the land that we have.
• 17:11
  And it's like, okay, well, don't miss like the times that you're in this in this little starter home that you got.
• 17:19
  Like, you're gonna look back at these times and you're gonna smile because they're gonna go by so fast.
• 17:25
  Don't don't miss, you know, just different different areas like the beginning when he was in his dorm room and we were or we were in the post office or first moving to Longview in the apartment.
• 17:37
  Like, don't miss those moments.
• 17:40
  And something that is, I want to say a fear of mine, but it does go through my head, is you know, the Bible talks a lot about the love of money, and the Bible talks a lot about warning the rich.
• 17:53
  And the reason is is because greed is a very real thing, and it's no wonder that the love of money is the root of all evil because we see this with sex trafficking, and we see this with drugs, and we see this with billionaires, and you see this in politics, like you literally see this everywhere, okay?
• 18:10
  And so you see, you understand why the love of money is the root of all evil, and I just don't want my husband as we reach these goals.
• 18:20
  I just don't want my husband to lose sight of what really matters, and you know, he's had multiple people comment about like don't get caught up in chasing money, don't get caught up in the big things, and I know that Briston knows that.
• 18:35
  Like, we talk about it, like I know that he knows that, but still there is like this fear in my mind of like, well, what if this simple life is not enough?
• 18:45
  And the truth is, guys, like at the end of the day, the truth is I can take my struggles and I can take what I'm going through to my husband, but at the end of the day, I can only be reassured and find my confidence in the Lord.
• 19:06
  Like, my peace has to come from the Lord.
• 19:10
  And this is this is a big thing.
• 19:12
  This is where prayer comes so much in handy.
• 19:16
  Like, I need to be praying more than I have now.
• 19:21
  I need to be praying for my husband, I need to be praying for his heart, I need to be praying for his mindset because the truth of the matter is that the enemy sees what is happening, he sees the successes, he sees all the good things, and I'm not stupid.
• 19:39
  I know that the enemy is scheming out a plan to destroy our marriage, to destroy the business, to destroy the family, to destroy giving God the glory.
• 19:50
  I know that that is the enemy's tactic, and it will always be the enemy's tactic.
• 19:56
  And at the end of the day, I have to pray against that.
• 20:00
  I have to pray that my husband will be a godly man for all the days of his life.
• 20:07
  That if my husband faces temptation or is struggling with something, he's gonna go to God about it.
• 20:12
  He's gonna come to his wife about it.
• 20:14
  I have to pray that even in moments of temptation, that he will cling to the Lord and he will rely on his strength and the Holy Spirit and not on his own strength.
• 20:24
  I have to pray that the business will not get so big in his mind to where he's chasing money or greed or where he sacrifices his integrity.
• 20:37
  I have to pray that integrity is number one.
• 20:39
  I have to pray that the love of money never enters his mind.
• 20:42
  I, and you know, I will say giving is like a huge way to combat that.
• 20:48
  And um, we have some exciting news coming up, I will say, with giving that I am super excited about, but I'm not gonna announce it until later.
• 20:56
  So just side note on that.
• 20:58
  But um, you know, I have to I have to constantly be declaring and warring, and this is this is something too that as I'm talking about this, I'm realizing.
• 21:08
  Okay, women of God, intercessors, um, we are the backbone of our husband's success.
• 21:22
  Like, if I am praying, if I am seeking the Lord on a daily basis, if I'm praying for my children, if I'm praying for the business, if I'm praying for the employees, if I am declaring scripture and I'm going to war, yes.
• 21:35
  Okay, at the end of the day, do people make their own decisions?
• 21:39
  Yes, people are gonna make their own decisions, but I am gonna dang make sure that I am doing what I know scripture says to do to combat the schemes of the enemy, okay, which is the armor of God.
• 21:54
  I'm gonna dang make sure that I am declaring scripture because it's Power, guys.
• 22:01
  It's power.
• 22:01
  I'm gonna dang make sure that I'm praying over my husband because I'm gonna dang make sure that I'm pouring the word into myself and listening to worship music.
• 22:09
  Because Proverbs talks about this.
• 22:12
  Proverbs talks about this path that we're on.
• 22:16
  And if you've ever seen, you need to read or watch the movie The Pilgrim's Progress.
• 22:22
  It is literally life-changing.
• 22:24
  I love whoever wrote that, it is like the best analogy, the best metaphor for the gospel because this man is on this path.
• 22:34
  And one of my favorite characters, y'all, at least in the movie that I watch, one of my favorite characters, his name is Worldly.
• 22:40
  And it is portrayed so well.
• 22:42
  He's got jewels and money and gold, and this pilgrim is trying to follow the path of righteousness.
• 22:50
  He's trying to follow the way of the Lord.
• 22:51
  And Worldly says, Oh, well, to make it easier, go this way.
• 22:56
  And he says, and it's basically showing, like, there is gonna be times where things in our life are gonna want us to get off the path of righteousness.
• 23:05
  And it's these whispers.
• 23:06
  I mean, it's known as the woman of folly in Proverbs.
• 23:09
  It's these whispers.
• 23:10
  And the woman of wisdom is telling us every single day.
• 23:13
  The word of God, by the way, woman of wisdom, okay?
• 23:17
  She's telling us, follow the path of righteousness.
• 23:20
  Her subtle voice is saying, follow the path of righteousness.
• 23:23
  And every little thing in this world is could be used as a distraction to get us off the path of righteousness.
• 23:31
  And I just love it because wisdom is calling out.
• 23:35
  And so is folly.
• 23:37
  Folly is calling out.
• 23:38
  And so we really have two choices.
• 23:41
  And you know, I did a whole episode on just despair and not having hope and just these thoughts that are going through my mind.
• 23:48
  And this was the episode before this one.
• 23:51
  So, you know, be sure to go listen to that.
• 23:54
  But you know, we cannot let the enemy's voice be louder than the Lord's.
• 24:00
  And I am not good at that, guys.
• 24:03
  I'm not good at that.
• 24:04
  I am so good at seeing the schemes of the devil.
• 24:08
  Like, I'm so good at seeing darkness.
• 24:12
  And it's great when it comes to discernment and you know, being aware of what the enemy's doing.
• 24:19
  Like, yes, it has positives, but if I am so focused on the darkness and on the enemy schemes and what could happen, I'm gonna miss what God is doing right in front of my eyes.
• 24:32
  Like, I should be celebrating these milestones that are business made.
• 24:37
  And yet I'm over here being like, well, what if this causes this?
• 24:42
  Well, what if this causes this temptation?
• 24:43
  Well, what if my husband doesn't think I'm enough?
• 24:46
  When I should be celebrating uh what he's doing, and I should be uplifting my husband, and I should just be taking my eyes off of me right now, you know?
• 24:58
  And so I just I just want to encourage you, and I'm encouraging myself, you know, let's let's take our eyes off of ourselves.
• 25:07
  And you know, my prayer is let's see what the Lord's doing.
• 25:10
  The Lord has given us two beautiful daughters, the Lord has given us a beautiful starter home, the Lord has given us a beautiful business to steward and employees who thank God are so hardworking.
• 25:21
  They did great this past weekend, who are passionate about fitness, who love the Lord, like thank God, praise the Lord, and I am over here being down in the dumps, negative Nancy, in despair, living in fear, when I should be rejoicing and joy and happy.
• 25:44
  So, you know, I don't know.
• 25:47
  I just wanna I just want to encourage you with that.
• 25:51
  Um as today's motivation, like, gosh, guys, let's just let's just see the positives.
• 26:00
  Let's just see the positives.
• 26:02
  Um you know, if you really are struggling with worth and identity, like go to God and let him show you the positives and what God is doing because we listened to this sermon, this was so good.
• 26:17
  We didn't actually finish it on the drive home, but we listened to Mercy Culture, which is a um church outside of Dallas, and he was talking about being aware of the presence of the Lord in public, like in the world.
• 26:31
  Like, are we aware of the presence of the Lord?
• 26:33
  Are we aware of what God is doing?
• 26:36
  And are we, you know, we can steward that, like we can be a host for the Lord's presence.
• 26:43
  And I I want to rejoice and I want to celebrate and I want to see what the Lord's doing.
• 26:47
  I don't just want to see the negative of what the devil's doing and what darkness is doing and what the fall of man is doing.
• 26:58
  Like, how in the world?
• 27:00
  That that would be such a negative, sad life if I only see the negatives, and I think it's important to be aware of those things.
• 27:10
  Like, I think it's important to be aware of things that could happen and struggles and all of that, but if that is our main focus, I think that the enemy has a foothold.
• 27:25
  And I'll end with this.
• 27:27
  You know, we talk about like authority, um, and we just talk about like it that is so I think more important than we realize.
• 27:37
  I actually like want to dive into this in uh the fiction book series that I'm working on, but authority agreement.
• 27:45
  So are we agreeing with fear or are we agreeing with faith?
• 27:51
  Are we agreeing with what God is doing and what he will do and what he has promised us and the promises of God in scripture?
• 27:59
  Or are are we are we literally being like the Israelites?
• 28:02
  I mean, you know, the Israelites, God promised them the promised land.
• 28:06
  He said, I'm going to send you.
• 28:08
  He he basically was telling them, like, you're gonna conquer this, you're gonna have the victory.
• 28:12
  And they go and they send 12 spies, and two of them, Joshua and Caleb, were the only two who saw the promise of God despite the giants.
• 28:26
  They were like, Yeah, like even though there's these giants, we can conquer them.
• 28:31
  Like, this is the promise of the Lord.
• 28:33
  But 10 of the spies, they were so consumed with just the enemy, the physical enemy of the giants, that they they stopped and they forgot and they couldn't see how God's promise was gonna come to pass.
• 28:50
  And you know, is that us?
• 28:53
  Like, are we Joshua and Caleb?
• 28:56
  Like, despite all the physical stuff that could happen, all the negative stuff that could happen, do we still declare the promise of God over our business, over our husbands, over our life?
• 29:08
  Or are we the 10 spies that say no we can't do this, and we shrink in fear?
• 29:13
  And guys, it costed them years.
• 29:16
  I mean, because of their unbelief, because of their complaining, because they did not truly, you know, partner with God's promise, they spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness.
• 29:29
  He prolonged the promise, and instead of giving it to them, it went to their future generations, and I don't want that to be us.
• 29:39
  Like, whatever God has for us, I want to say yes to it and not be afraid of the giants that I might see, you know, David and Goliath.
• 29:50
  Like, David did not shrink back because of that giant.
• 29:55
  He literally said, You come at me with sword, but I come at you in the name of the Lord.
• 30:02
  And and so, you know, whatever we're facing, like let's have that mindset of well, I'm coming at it in the name of the Lord, and this is all the Lord's doing, the Lord's gonna get the glory of this, and no matter what happens, no matter if I'm on the mountaintop, no matter if I'm in the valley, no matter what I'm struggling with, every day I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna rejoice.
• 30:25
  That's a common theme in scripture.
• 30:28
  Even in lamentations, they say, I will rejoice in the Lord.
• 30:32
  So no matter what happens, positive or negative, I'm still rejoicing because the Lord is still good and He's still by my side and He still has a plan for me.
• 30:41
  Even if I get exiled, like what happened in Jeremiah 29, 11, he says, I still know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, even though you're getting exiled.
• 30:51
  Like I still am good, and you're still gonna be good.
• 30:54
  So we're declaring that, you know, we're still rejoicing and we're still believing in the promise of God, and we're not gonna let the enemy or fear or doubt or worry or whatever ruin what God is doing right now.
• 31:09
  So praise the Lord, hallelujah! I just I don't know, guys.
• 31:15
  I needed to hear that, and I hope I hope it encourages you.
• 31:19
  And I just want to say the Lord has good plans for us.
• 31:22
  Like, yeah, this is a crappy world and crappy stuff happens, but let's pray for people and let's declare scripture and let's rejoice in the Lord.
• 31:31
  So I love you guys.
• 31:33
  See you on the next episode.