Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #737 Beck Delahoy - Rest & Recovery is Not Optional

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#737 Beck Delahoy - Rest & Recovery is Not Optional · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: All this week on the Happy Families Podcast, I'm doing
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  Speaker 2: my best to have a no devices, no work holiday
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  Speaker 2: break with my family. As a result, we've brought in
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  Speaker 2: a special guest. Beck Delahoy is a former researcher. She
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  Speaker 2: now writes about parenting rather than her niche field of neuropsychiatry.
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  Speaker 2: She's a homeschool mum raising her three kids in Melbourne
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  Speaker 2: with a husband of seven years and you can find
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  Speaker 2: out more about Beck with her substack Bechdelahrooy dot substack
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  Speaker 2: dot com. We'll link to that in the show notes.
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  Speaker 1: Hello everyone, I'm Beck Delahoy. I've been working with Justin
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  Speaker 1: behind the scenes for about a year now and I'm
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  Speaker 1: a mum of three from Melbourne. Now to get you started,
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  Speaker 1: there are a few things that I love best that
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  Speaker 1: I think you should know. Apart from my family. I
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: love learning about nature and you can often spot me
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  Speaker 1: out for a walk excitedly pointing out a mushroom or
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  Speaker 1: a leaf curling spider or a caterpillar. To my kids.
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  Speaker 1: I love reading and I often have at least two
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  Speaker 1: books on the go at a time, and I love
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  Speaker 1: doing fitness challenges with my husband, which is a different
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  Speaker 1: challenge every year. About a month ago we completed this
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  Speaker 1: year's challenge, a Spartan super It's a ten kilometer course
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  Speaker 1: up and down the ski slopes of Mount Borbor, complete
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  Speaker 1: with thirty obstacles which we had to pull ourselves over
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  Speaker 1: and under. It was so much fun, but I already
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  Speaker 1: have my sights set on next year's challenge, a half marathon.
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  Speaker 1: Now this isn't my first half marathon. I've done one
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  Speaker 1: a few years ago, and I'd really love to beat
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  Speaker 1: my time, which means I need to be focused in
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  Speaker 1: the way I train, which means I need a training plan.
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  Speaker 1: Now at this point you might be thinking, what on
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  Speaker 1: earth are you talking about? What does this have to
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  Speaker 1: do with parenting? But don't worry, I'm getting there. See.
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  Speaker 1: The most important thing to schedule into my training plan
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  Speaker 1: isn't cardio or strength training. It's recovery day. Muscles don't
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  Speaker 1: actually get stronger through squats and push ups and sprints.
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  Speaker 1: They get stronger and they have a chance to recover
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  Speaker 1: on a rest day, and the muscle fibers get a
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  Speaker 1: chance to knit back together stronger than they were before.
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  Speaker 1: So if as an athlete, I just pushed and pushed
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  Speaker 1: and pushed every day with no chance for recovery, at best,
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  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be reaching my full potential, and at worst,
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  Speaker 1: I'd deplete my body and beheaded f illness or injury.
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  Speaker 1: It's the same with parenting. We can push and push
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  Speaker 1: and push every day, bouncing from work to disciplining the kids,
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  Speaker 1: to cleaning the house, to being the kids taxi, to
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  Speaker 1: cooking dinner, tweeting stories to talking kids into bed day
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  Speaker 1: after day after day without breaks. And many of us
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  Speaker 1: do that at times. But if we don't schedule in
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  Speaker 1: time for rest and recovery, we will get depleted and
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  Speaker 1: will risk illness or parental burnout. We need to allow
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  Speaker 1: ourselves a chance to recover. I want to share with
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  Speaker 1: you three ways how we can do that. One we
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  Speaker 1: can recover on a daily basis. See after a big run,
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  Speaker 1: tough weight session, I try to make sure the rest
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  Speaker 1: of my day is fairly relaxed. And as parents, we
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  Speaker 1: also need to factor in daily opportunities for recovery. That
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  Speaker 1: could be doing a mindfulness meditation just before starting work.
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  Speaker 1: It could mean taking time to eat lunch without any distractions.
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  Speaker 1: It could be doing some progressive relaxation before bed. Maybe
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  Speaker 1: your daily recovery looks like a walk around the block
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  Speaker 1: with your partner or reading a good book in a
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  Speaker 1: cozy corner. If you've ever tried to take a break
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  Speaker 1: and ended up just scrolling Instagram or Facebook or the
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  Speaker 1: titles of the shows on Netflix and it ended up
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  Speaker 1: feeling worse at the end than you did at the start,
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  Speaker 1: you know that not all breaks are equal. The key
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  Speaker 1: to daily recovery is doing something that makes you feel
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  Speaker 1: fulfilled and that you can do in fifteen minutes or
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  Speaker 1: less so that there's no reason to miss it. Try
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  Speaker 1: out a few different things and find what makes you
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  Speaker 1: genuinely happy. Two weekly recovery. With parenting, it's so important
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  Speaker 1: to find things that you can do on a weekly
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  Speaker 1: basis that fills your soul. This is a bigger time
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  Speaker 1: investment than daily recovery, which means it's even more important
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  Speaker 1: to be intentional about scheduling it in. It could be
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  Speaker 1: a Saturday morning brunch with friends every week. It could
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  Speaker 1: be a Friday night date with your partner. It could
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  Speaker 1: be taking time one evening a week to indulge in
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  Speaker 1: a hobby that's just your own, such as a pottery
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  Speaker 1: class or book club. When considering what you want to try,
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  Speaker 1: think about which of your deeper emotional needs are going unmet.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe you need more opportunity for connection, like if you
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  Speaker 1: feel like most of your days like meaning full conversations
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  Speaker 1: with others. Maybe you need more autonomy if your days
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  Speaker 1: are food with doing things for others and you feel
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  Speaker 1: as though you don't have time to choose to do
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  Speaker 1: things for yourself. Or maybe you need chances to develop competence,
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  Speaker 1: like when you feel your skills aren't being challenged and developed.
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  Speaker 1: The last one is seasonal recovery. With parenting, it's so
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  Speaker 1: easy to load up the calendar and the lead up
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  Speaker 1: to Christmas or during the school holidays, only to feel
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  Speaker 1: exhausted by the end of the holiday period. It takes
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  Speaker 1: a lot of intentionality to say no to fun activities,
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  Speaker 1: and in that recovery period, you could try having a
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  Speaker 1: do nothing weekend on the last weekend of the school
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  Speaker 1: holidays to allow time for rest, or try reducing the
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  Speaker 1: number of extracurricular activities during December to allow time for
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  Speaker 1: the Christmas activities you really want to get to. You
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  Speaker 1: might also make it a tradition to have a stay
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  Speaker 1: at home day after coming back from a family holiday
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  Speaker 1: or after a big event like Easter. I want you
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  Speaker 1: to know that working endlessly day after day to be
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  Speaker 1: everything your kids need you to be doesn't make you
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  Speaker 1: a good parent. It makes you a depleted parent. And
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  Speaker 1: as tough as it can be to find time in
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  Speaker 1: a busy calendar for rest, it's one of the most
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  Speaker 1: important things you can do. It's so easy to say
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  Speaker 1: that you can't afford to take the time to commit
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  Speaker 1: to a weekly event for you or do some morning meditation,
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  Speaker 1: or that you can't possibly scale back during the holiday period.
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  Speaker 1: But the truth is that you can't afford not to
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  Speaker 1: take some time for you. Pushing through will deplete you.
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  Speaker 1: Resting will make you stronger. If you want to shop
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  Speaker 1: for your kids in genuine ways, with the energy to
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  Speaker 1: authentically be there for them and meet their needs, you
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  Speaker 1: need to build in your recovery. Time. Recovery is the
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  Speaker 1: key to success. It is so important to take some
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  Speaker 1: time for you, so please go book it in now.
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  Speaker 1: If you want to hear more stories like this, please
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  Speaker 1: book me up on substack. It's Bechdlahoy dot substack dot
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  Speaker 1: com b e c k D E l A h
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  Speaker 1: O y, or on Instagram at bechd Lahoy. Thank you
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  Speaker 1: so much for listening and I hope you enjoyed it. Bye.
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  Speaker 2: That's it from bec this week, but if you've enjoyed
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  Speaker 2: what she's had to say, let us know podcasts at
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  Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot au, and of course you
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  Speaker 2: can read more from Beck at Bechdelahoy dot substack dot
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  Speaker 2: com