Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1037 - Creating Holiday Traditions

Transcript

#1037 - Creating Holiday Traditions · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent. They just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: I love Fridays. Friday's are my favorite day of the weekend.
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  Speaker 1: That's not because the weekend is just around the corner,
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  Speaker 1: although it kind of is because the weekend this is
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  Speaker 1: just around the corner. But it's because on Fridays on
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  Speaker 1: the podcast we talk I'll do better tomorrow. It's a
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  Speaker 1: bit where we get reflective, intentional. We focus on what
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  Speaker 1: went well, what didn't, how we can dial in dial
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  Speaker 1: up our parenting. That's the whole idea. My name's doctor
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  Speaker 1: Justin Courslam here with my wife from under our six kids, Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: This is Happy Families, Kylie. We have been a little
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  Speaker 1: bit cheeky. Over the last couple of weeks. Our podcast
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  Speaker 1: has been a mixture of regular podcast programming but also
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  Speaker 1: a handful of replays because across the winter break we
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  Speaker 1: got away. We had our family holiday, but it was
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  Speaker 1: a family holiday with a catch. It wasn't the whole family.
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  Speaker 2: They're the best card.
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  Speaker 1: Early on in the piece, we discovered a couple of things.
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  Speaker 1: Number One, when you take your kids on a holiday
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  Speaker 1: and they're young, they don't want to go on holidays.
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  Speaker 1: All they want is a beach or a pool. They
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  Speaker 1: want parent attention. And if you try to go sightseeing,
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  Speaker 1: if you try to go to museums or plays, if
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  Speaker 1: you try to go interest, look at architecture, if you
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  Speaker 1: try to hike up a big hill, they just wing
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  Speaker 1: and complain so much so that when I was a kid,
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  Speaker 1: I was twelve. I'm the eldest of six kids. There's me,
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  Speaker 1: my twin sisters, my brother, and then another set of
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  Speaker 1: twin sisters when I was twelve, so my youngest sisters
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  Speaker 1: weren't alive at the point. At that time, Mom and
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  Speaker 1: dad tooks on a big trip to America and we
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  Speaker 1: were driving through Nevada. The Grand Canyon was an hour
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  Speaker 1: and a half away. We pulled into the hotel and
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  Speaker 1: checked in so that we could get some rest. There
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  Speaker 1: was a swimming pool there and Mum said no, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: no pool, We're going to the Grand Canyon. And all
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  Speaker 1: of us kids revolted. We said, we don't care about
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  Speaker 1: the Grand Canyon. There's a pool. We want to have
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  Speaker 1: a swim. We went to America. We were an hour
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  Speaker 1: away from the Grand Canyon. Never went wow, and so
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  Speaker 1: you and I have talked about these concepts. I don't
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  Speaker 1: know if I've shared that story with you before, but
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  Speaker 1: we've talked about this concept and decided for our children
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  Speaker 1: until they get to about the age of fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
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  Speaker 1: somewhere in there, where they're old enough to appreciate the
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  Speaker 1: trip and have the stamina for the walking up and
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  Speaker 1: down the city streets or the exploration or the architecture
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  Speaker 1: or whatever. We've just decided no holidays other than beaches
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  Speaker 1: and parks and just local cheap stuff because they don't care.
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  Speaker 2: I don't actually think you've told me that story before,
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  Speaker 2: but I have heard your mum numerous times. So do
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  Speaker 2: you remember when we did blah blah blah and your
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  Speaker 2: kids will go yeah, nah, she said, I'm so glad
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  Speaker 2: I spent all that money.
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  Speaker 1: That's the other thing, like, the kids don't remember the
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  Speaker 1: trips when they're less than I don't know, eight, ten,
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  Speaker 1: maybe even twelve, but even from eight to twelve, they
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  Speaker 1: just don't really have the stamina. Now, we're not trying
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  Speaker 1: to rain on your parade. If you're a family who
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  Speaker 1: just saved up and took everyone over to Japan or Thailand,
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  Speaker 1: or you did some great big holiday. Good for you.
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  Speaker 1: That's wonderful. This is not science based, this is just
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  Speaker 1: experience based. We just don't feel like it's the best
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  Speaker 1: way to have a valuable family trip.
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  Speaker 2: But the other thing that was majorly important was we
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  Speaker 2: worked out very early on with six kids, so financial
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  Speaker 2: challenge that is placed on you in an effort to
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  Speaker 2: get six children plus ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: It's two hotel rooms, it's big cars.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't within reach for us, and I don't think
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  Speaker 2: that it ever will.
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  Speaker 1: Benh N. So we made a decision early on that
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  Speaker 1: we would take the kids on one on one holidays
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  Speaker 1: when they got to sixteen or thereabouts, just you, me
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  Speaker 1: and that child.
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  Speaker 2: And this has actually become like a really it's become
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  Speaker 2: a tradition, beautiful tradition that I am so glad we started,
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  Speaker 2: and I just the kids just look forward to it.
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  Speaker 2: It's something that you know they're counting down the years
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  Speaker 2: to get there.
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  Speaker 1: So first time we did it, we had a baby
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  Speaker 1: that we had to take along and a really anxious
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  Speaker 1: child who also ended up piggybacking, and the other kids
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  Speaker 1: were so dirty. They were like, oh, don't believe you're
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  Speaker 1: taking them. When you're taking us. It was really, really,
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  Speaker 1: really rough. But when we got home and the kids
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  Speaker 1: talked about big experience that they'd had those who came
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  Speaker 1: with us, everyone else started to go, oh, yeah, this
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  Speaker 1: is going to be good. And from that point, with
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  Speaker 1: this promise that this is a tradition, this is what
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  Speaker 1: we're going to be doing, the kids got really really
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  Speaker 1: excited about it. So we've just done one, and I've
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  Speaker 1: got a highlight. We didn't want to do this one
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  Speaker 1: because the cost of the trip, the cost of inflation,
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  Speaker 1: the cost of travel, everything so darn expensive. But it's tradition,
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  Speaker 1: and traditions helped to create identity, they helped to build meaning,
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  Speaker 1: They give people purpose, they help people to understand the world.
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  Speaker 1: There's so much research around tradition and there's so many
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  Speaker 1: reasons that we just thought, we can't afford it, but
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  Speaker 1: we're going to do it anyway, And so we did.
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  Speaker 1: But we took two kids.
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  Speaker 2: I was about to say we were a little bit
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  Speaker 2: cheeky because.
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't afford to do it.
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  Speaker 2: It's only there's only a few years between baby number
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  Speaker 2: four and five, and so baby number five is only fourteen.
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  Speaker 2: She actually got an early tradition present.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And honestly, at fourteen, I think it
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  Speaker 1: was a stretch. It was I'm sorry, little I think
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  Speaker 1: it was a stretch. But we got through it. She
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  Speaker 1: was able to do it, and again lifelong memories plus
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  Speaker 1: a really great bonding experience with her big sister. So
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  Speaker 1: from that point of view, we're ticking the boxes. It's okay,
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  Speaker 1: and I mean it's loose, right, this is developmental and
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  Speaker 1: it's just a best guess on the part of a parent.
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  Speaker 1: That's the main gist, the main thrust of what we
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  Speaker 1: wanted to talk about today on our older Bedit tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Holidays matter, Traditions are vitally important, but sometimes it feels
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  Speaker 1: like it's out of reach.
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  Speaker 2: That's what I love about what we've created with our
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  Speaker 2: kids is this tradition is actually twofold. The kids go
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  Speaker 2: on summer camp for one week, which gives you and
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  Speaker 2: I a week to connect and to spend time together
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  Speaker 2: and relax and rejuvenate and explore the world in a
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  Speaker 2: different way. And then we come together and we have
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  Speaker 2: a week together. And what I love about that is
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  Speaker 2: the acknowledgment that with a big family like ours, sometimes
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  Speaker 2: you can kind of feel like you get lost in
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  Speaker 2: all the noise, and so for the kids to know
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  Speaker 2: that they've got that week that's just all about them
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  Speaker 2: and they get to do the things that they want
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  Speaker 2: to do and explore in a way that is exciting
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  Speaker 2: to them. But they have our full attention. They just
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  Speaker 2: love it. And I love it too because I get
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  Speaker 2: to see a different side of them and get to,
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  Speaker 2: you know, kind of enjoy them in a way that
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  Speaker 2: we don't get to do that in everyday life.
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  Speaker 1: It's been a while since I've shared a high quality
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  Speaker 1: bad dad joke with you. Oh no, Why do skeletons
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  Speaker 1: not create new traditions because it did? No, because they
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  Speaker 1: don't have the guts to break the old ones. I'm sorry.
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  Speaker 1: So he's maybe just a couple of other things to
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  Speaker 1: highlight here. Traditions matter because they promote belonging, they teach values,
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  Speaker 1: they offer healing, they create and celebrate culture, They teach values,
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  Speaker 1: and they create lasting memories. That's just a little bit
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  Speaker 1: about what research is highlighted there. Traditions don't have to
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  Speaker 1: be holidays. It could be something as simple as family
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  Speaker 1: game night or dinner time conversations. Traditions could be family
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  Speaker 1: meetings or one on one time. I remember when I
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  Speaker 1: was growing up, my parents every Sunday would spend half
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  Speaker 1: an hour every Sunday afternoon with each of us six kids.
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  Speaker 1: We got one on one time, half an hour with Mum,
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  Speaker 1: half an hour with Dad, and we sort of went
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  Speaker 1: through this rotation where we got to have that and
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  Speaker 1: it was actually really really meaningful. It was really great
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  Speaker 1: traditions mark milestones. When I think of Hamish Blake and
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  Speaker 1: how he does that build a birthday cake on the
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  Speaker 1: kids on the night before the kid's birthday, he gets
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  Speaker 1: a little bit sloshed while he does it, but it's
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  Speaker 1: a great tradition and for us, this tradition, for well,
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  Speaker 1: it's become when the kids, I'm so glad we've only
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  Speaker 1: got one water turn sixteen now.
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  Speaker 2: And if you got six years to.
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  Speaker 1: But they teach these values and they teach culture, and
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  Speaker 1: it's just really valuable. So with your upcoming trip, or
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  Speaker 1: if you're worrying about whether you can afford the trip,
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  Speaker 1: because you want the kids to have these amazing and
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  Speaker 1: riching experiences, wait until they're old enough to remember it
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  Speaker 1: and to fully contribute and participate and experience it. Otherwise
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  Speaker 1: just go cheap, Just go cheap. The kids, they don't care,
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  Speaker 1: and they won't remember it anyway. A beach holiday is
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  Speaker 1: all that they need when they get older, though. Creating
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  Speaker 1: those traditions for us has been so meaningful, and I
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  Speaker 1: guess in wrapping up Kylie, the experience of our fourteen
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  Speaker 1: and sixteen year old as they've had the camp experience
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  Speaker 1: and had the week with us, traveling and trying new
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  Speaker 1: things and having their eyes opened to completely new cultural experiences,
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  Speaker 1: it's been a highlight of their lives and honestly it's
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  Speaker 1: been a real delight for us. We've done this three
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  Speaker 1: or four times now, and yet doing it this time
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  Speaker 1: felt it felt as exciting, brand new and wonderful as ever,
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  Speaker 1: and it just felt so meaningful.
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  Speaker 2: And I think for me one of the major highlights
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  Speaker 2: out of it was the fact that our fourteen and
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  Speaker 2: sixteen year old they actually really they struggle to get
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  Speaker 2: on a lot of the time.
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  Speaker 1: Some sibling challenges there are there.
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  Speaker 2: They're so close in age and they're just they're just
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  Speaker 2: at that point where they're too similar and it's just tricky.
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  Speaker 2: So I was a little bit concerned about taking them together.
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  Speaker 2: I think this trip was a really poignant moment in
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  Speaker 2: their relationship development. As they shared experiences together.
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  Speaker 1: High quality bonding, It was amazing. We hope that this
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  Speaker 1: gives you some inspirations, some ideas when it comes to
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  Speaker 1: planning family traditions, family holidays. What matters, what doesn't, Where
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  Speaker 1: you should go and when you should do it so
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  Speaker 1: that you can maximize the benefit to everyone involve. Have
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  Speaker 1: a wonderful weekend and we will back on Monday talking
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: about the increasing number of parents who are worried about
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  Speaker 1: their children's emotional disregulation. The Happy Families podcast is produced
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  Speaker 1: by Justin ruhl On from Bridge Media. If you would
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  Speaker 1: like more information about making your family happy, visitors at
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  Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au. Have a great weekend
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  Speaker 1: and we'll talk to you Monday. The DA