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How would a narcissist even go about apologizing? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what type of apologies will a narcissist offer you?
• 0:06
  Like what kind of apologies do they even OfferUp?
• 0:10
  Like I think a lot of people understand that narcissist that
• 0:13
  people talk to people don't really OfferUp apologies.
• 0:16
  But if they were to on the slight chance that they would,
• 0:21
  how would it look? How would it seem?
• 0:23
  What would it sound like or what would it look like?
• 0:27
  That's what we talked about today, y'all.
• 0:29
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:31
  I'm a diagnose narcissist myself.
• 0:33
  And let's welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:35
  Let's get it, y'all. Let's get it.
• 0:37
  Let's get it. Welcome back, y'all, Welcome
• 0:59
  back y'all. Seriously, the reason I get so
• 1:02
  hyped is because this is going to be one of the final episodes
• 1:06
  of The Narcissist Code. 1 of the final ones, we're shifting to
• 1:10
  the Mental illness podcast here soon where we could, we want to
• 1:13
  be covering all things mental health, still narcissism, but
• 1:16
  encompassing all things mental health.
• 1:18
  So thank y'all for being alone on this ride with me, but let's
• 1:21
  hop right into it, y'all. The different types of apologies
• 1:23
  that a narcissist or a toxic person will offer, we're going
• 1:26
  to hop right into all of them. The first type of apology that a
• 1:30
  narcissist will offer, y'all is what I refer to and a lot of
• 1:35
  people refer to as a literally as a blanket statement apology.
• 1:41
  Right? A blanket statement apology is
• 1:44
  what some narcissistic people will offer you.
• 1:48
  Well, Lee, what the hell is a blanket statement apology?
• 1:50
  I'm glad you asked A blanket statement.
• 1:54
  Apology happens. When they say I'm sorry for
• 1:57
  everything, what does that mean? It has no meaning for it.
• 2:02
  It's it it, it's, it's supposed to cover everything.
• 2:05
  Like a blanket. It's supposed to keep you warm
• 2:09
  until something better comes along, right?
• 2:11
  A blanket keeps you warm in cold weather.
• 2:14
  A blanket makes things better quickly.
• 2:16
  You see what I'm saying? If it's freezing outside or
• 2:18
  freezing inside instead of you can turn the heat on or you can
• 2:22
  get a blanket. First, the blanket offers
• 2:25
  instant gratification, right? Like a narcissist, a blanket
• 2:28
  statement apology is pretty much them offering some instant
• 2:31
  gratification to you to make you feel good in the moment.
• 2:34
  It's I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you.
• 2:37
  I'm sorry I did that. What the hell does that mean?
• 2:40
  A blanket a blanket statement apology lacks specificity out it
• 2:44
  has it's not specific a real apology.
• 2:47
  A genuine apology has specific words in it.
• 2:50
  It they tell you exactly what they do, right, they tell you
• 2:56
  exactly what they do. That's what a blanket statement,
• 3:00
  that's what a real apology has. It's you did this to me or no, I
• 3:06
  did this to you. I'm sorry for that.
• 3:09
  A blanket statement doesn't have that.
• 3:11
  A blanket statement lacks remorse.
• 3:13
  It lacks actual remorse. It it doesn't have a plan of
• 3:16
  action to correct the behavior, it doesn't mean anything.
• 3:20
  I'm sorry for everything. I did a one-on-one recently.
• 3:23
  Y'all with a with a young lady. You can find my one on ones
• 3:27
  mental illness.net and she she told me she showed me a message
• 3:32
  to her exit center. It's literally said I'm sorry
• 3:35
  for everything and I mean everything, everything that I've
• 3:38
  done to you, everything that I put you through all the all the
• 3:42
  things I'm sorry for them, but specifically everything.
• 3:46
  Huh. You're sorry for everything, but
• 3:48
  specifically everything. What the hell?
• 3:50
  I was like what me and her, we shared a good laugh about that.
• 3:55
  Y'all know we, we laughed doing all like my one on ones, my
• 3:58
  coaching, it goes in a lot of different directions.
• 4:00
  Y'all, we laughed. It was a good laugh.
• 4:02
  We had a very good laugh at that right there, because it was
• 4:04
  silly. It it didn't mean anything
• 4:06
  because there is no specificity there.
• 4:08
  So that's the first type of apology that a lot of
• 4:10
  narcissistic people will offer. The next one.
• 4:12
  Y'all is them Da da da da. Blaming you.
• 4:17
  They blame you for everything. But Lee, this is that.
• 4:20
  That's that's not an apology. Yes, it is.
• 4:22
  They'll say I'm sorry, but what about what you did right?
• 4:27
  They'll say I'm sorry, but what about what you did?
• 4:30
  Blaming you is a way of putting it off.
• 4:33
  This is how they obfuscate. This is how they get away from
• 4:36
  stuff. They might say the words I'm
• 4:38
  sorry, but they'll put the blame onto you or someone else.
• 4:45
  It's what I'm saying. It doesn't just stick with them.
• 4:47
  They have to find a way to put it on to someone else.
• 4:51
  It can't just stick with them. They have to put it on to
• 4:54
  someone else. I'm sorry, but you did this.
• 4:58
  I'm sorry you made me do this. Like, huh, I'm sorry.
• 5:02
  But if anybody says, but after the words I'm sorry, it
• 5:07
  eliminates the I'm sorry because now they're they're not taking
• 5:11
  accountability. I'm sorry, yes, that's partially
• 5:15
  taking accountability, but that's no accountability or
• 5:18
  they're divvying, they're divvying it up.
• 5:20
  They're blaming you or this is a 2 parter, they're blaming you or
• 5:26
  they're blaming others. I'm sorry, but this other person
• 5:31
  did this to me. I'm sorry, but they made me do
• 5:34
  this to you. So it's not really my fault.
• 5:36
  It's on them. They did this.
• 5:38
  I didn't really have anything to do with this.
• 5:41
  It was on them. They'll put it on to anybody but
• 5:46
  themselves. This is how narcissistic people
• 5:49
  work. Like they don't want to take
• 5:51
  accountability for anything that they do.
• 5:53
  So they'll instead of just saying I'm sorry I hurt you and
• 5:56
  I'll never do it again, which is still not a real apology,
• 5:59
  they'll say I'm sorry but I'm sorry but BUTTTTT big old butt
• 6:07
  ABBL apology big old butt. But it's not real.
• 6:13
  No disrespect to my BBL baddies out there, but seriously, I've
• 6:18
  always, it's always I'm sorry, but it's very rarely I'm sorry.
• 6:23
  And that's it. You see what I'm saying?
• 6:25
  But that's how narcissistic people operate.
• 6:27
  That's the mentality of narcissists, right?
• 6:29
  That's how we move. That's how we move.
• 6:30
  That's how we put it all into everything, right?
• 6:33
  And that's how we're going to keep doing it because, well,
• 6:35
  Lee, why they why won't they just stop and take
• 6:37
  accountability? Because we don't want to take
• 6:39
  accountability because blaming you or blaming everybody else
• 6:42
  works. The blanket statements work
• 6:44
  because you accept them. If I can keep give you a blanket
• 6:47
  statement apology, I'm going to keep giving you a blanket
• 6:49
  statement apology because it works.
• 6:51
  Why wouldn't I do what works? Again, that's something for
• 6:54
  y'all to consider. The next one, drum roll please,
• 7:00
  is they admit it, but they also put it on to you, you that I
• 7:09
  know it sounds very similar to blaming you, but this is
• 7:12
  getting, this is trying to get you to take accountability,
• 7:15
  right? This is trying to get you or
• 7:17
  whoever else to take accountability.
• 7:19
  They try to say I'm sorry, but what about you?
• 7:21
  Did they? So they'll try to draw an
• 7:24
  apology out of you. They'll try to draw apology out
• 7:29
  of you. And you know what that is?
• 7:32
  That's a red flag, y'all. Shout out to Jessica Montes for
• 7:36
  that one, y'all. But that's what goes on right
• 7:39
  there. They say I'm sorry, but you made
• 7:42
  me do this. They'll put it directly in your
• 7:45
  pocket and try to make you apologize.
• 7:48
  And if you apologize for something that you did not do,
• 7:52
  you lose. Let's be real.
• 7:55
  If you apologize for something that you did not do, you will
• 8:01
  lose. You know what I'm saying?
• 8:04
  And I tell that to people all the time and This is why and
• 8:08
  this is the way it goes. Like if you apologize to me for
• 8:12
  something that you did that something for something that I
• 8:14
  did, then you lose. I have no, I, I have no reason
• 8:19
  to offer you any type of any type of contrition, any type of
• 8:24
  change. Why would I do that?
• 8:26
  What? I don't have to.
• 8:27
  Why would I do that when I don't need to?
• 8:29
  You see what I'm saying? That's how the mind of
• 8:31
  narcissistic people work. So if I can get you to
• 8:33
  apologize, then hell yeah, I ain't saying nothing.
• 8:35
  Why what? Why would I?
• 8:37
  Why would I say anything? If you apologize, you know what
• 8:40
  I'm saying. I might say I'm sorry, but you
• 8:42
  did this. And if you say I'm sorry in the
• 8:45
  conversation, we both made mistakes.
• 8:47
  We were both in their own, me and whoever both also did
• 8:51
  something. I was tricked, right?
• 8:53
  I was tricked and whatnot. And they'll put it on to you,
• 8:56
  y'all. So this is what you have to deal
• 8:58
  with when you dealing with a toxic narcissistic person.
• 9:00
  These are type of apologies or blame shifting type of type,
• 9:04
  type of techniques that narcissistic people will do.
• 9:08
  Now I'm pretty sure if you dealt with the narcissist, you've
• 9:10
  experienced this in some way, shape or form.
• 9:13
  You just have to there's, there's no way escaping this
• 9:15
  type of stuff. If you dealt with the
• 9:16
  narcissistic person for any, any valid amount of time you've
• 9:21
  dealt with this type of stuff. The next thing I have on my list
• 9:24
  y'all of apologies or getting away from it is ignoring.
• 9:31
  I know it's not funny, but just flat out ignoring it is a way
• 9:35
  that narcissistic people will hope that you will hope things
• 9:38
  go away, right? It's a weak ass apology.
• 9:41
  It's just like ignoring the issue as a whole.
• 9:44
  I know that most people that follow me have dealt with the
• 9:47
  narcissist, screaming at them, yelling at them, doing something
• 9:51
  horrible to them and then coming back to them, right?
• 9:55
  They scream at you, yell at you, do something horrible to you,
• 9:58
  and then the next day pretend like nothing happened, right?
• 10:03
  They act like nothing happened at all, like they just, they,
• 10:08
  they hope that things just go away on their own.
• 10:11
  And this is how it typically, right?
• 10:12
  This is how it typically goes. They hope that by dealing with
• 10:15
  this type of stuff right here, they hope that while you say
• 10:18
  this type of stuff while you're dealing with them, they hope
• 10:20
  that it just goes away on its own.
• 10:22
  Like they think that silence is the answer.
• 10:24
  Silence will help things go away.
• 10:26
  Silence will just do this type of stuff right here.
• 10:29
  Silent, silent, silence. And the more silent I, I am.
• 10:34
  And if it works, if you come to, let's say I'm silent to you,
• 10:36
  right? I'm super silent to you, but
• 10:40
  then you come to me. I win, I win.
• 10:44
  Or if I make a joke, if I break the silence and now I can avoid
• 10:49
  accountability, I still win in that situation too.
• 10:52
  You see what I'm saying? Sometimes it's just simply about
• 10:54
  wins. And with a narcissist, it's
• 10:56
  simply about wins and losses. It's about wins and losses.
• 11:00
  It's about guns and butter. What was it from?
• 11:02
  What movie is it from? Guns and butter.
• 11:05
  That baby boy. Guns and butter.
• 11:06
  I think it is from baby boy. But this is what this, this is
• 11:09
  what transpires, y'all? This is seriously how it goes.
• 11:11
  Narcissistic people put you, will take you through the ringer
• 11:15
  and put it on to you and just be silent to you and hope it goes
• 11:19
  away. Hope it goes well.
• 11:20
  Ignore the rash and hope it goes away on its own.
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  Like it went away, it's all gone.
• 11:26
  It's all gone and that's what ends up happening right there.
• 11:30
  Y'all like if it works, it works.
• 11:33
  The next thing that I have on my list is something that's going
• 11:36
  to piss some of y'all I know. Like if you're not sitting down,
• 11:40
  go ahead and sit down. Are you seated just yet?
• 11:43
  Are you sitting down all right? If you're not, don't say I
• 11:46
  didn't warn you. Don't try to sue me.
• 11:47
  Like lead to lead knocked me off my feet.
• 11:49
  He he should have warned me buying you something.
• 11:57
  Sometimes they're like, yo, narcissistic people show love
• 12:01
  and affection through physical things, right?
• 12:04
  It's almost always physical things of how they show love,
• 12:08
  how they show care how they show affection.
• 12:10
  So if it's physical things, if it's like you know what I'm
• 12:14
  saying, they buy you something, they feel like they can buy your
• 12:17
  forgiveness. That's an apology to to them.
• 12:20
  Yeah, I cheated on you and had four kids outside of my
• 12:23
  marriage. Yes, I cheated on you and got
• 12:24
  pregnant by somebody else. I'm carrying somebody else's
• 12:26
  baby right now. But here's the PlayStation 5.
• 12:30
  Here is your favorite video game.
• 12:31
  Here's Fortnite. Here's here's some V bucks.
• 12:34
  Here's some Roebucks. Roebucks.
• 12:36
  You mean here? Here's some flowers.
• 12:39
  Here's that Pandora bracelet you've been asking for forever.
• 12:44
  I know it's embarrassing. Yeah, but it does happen.
• 12:48
  They will just simply buy you something and think that you
• 12:51
  should forgive them. Now does this work comment
• 12:55
  section, if it worked on you, just drop in the comment
• 12:57
  section. This is a safe place.
• 12:58
  It's not somewhere you're going to be.
• 12:59
  We are not trying to embarrass each other.
• 13:01
  We're just trying to show each other or prove to each other
• 13:04
  that this is not you're not alone on this journey.
• 13:06
  So if you've been if they've gotten you by buying you
• 13:09
  something, then it works. I thought to somebody literally
• 13:12
  y'all talk to somebody today. Another one I do a lot of I do a
• 13:15
  lot of coaching college. Y'all talk to somebody again one
• 13:18
  O 1 and that's why I got the PlayStation thing from literally
• 13:21
  dude said yeah man, she got me man she played my face.
• 13:24
  She did this she lied to me. She said she was somewhere that
• 13:26
  she wasn't and then the next day she knew my PlayStation 5
• 13:29
  controller was broke. She bought she came over didn't
• 13:31
  say a word just held up that fucking camo PlayStation
• 13:36
  control. I think the camo controllers are
• 13:37
  a little bit more expensive. Held up a camo PlayStation
• 13:40
  controller and they say you know this and they're clapping cheeks
• 13:43
  got them You see I see you can't see how they think about you
• 13:46
  again. One O ones mental illness.net.
• 13:48
  You can enter the code mental 15 for 15% alpha one O 1 y'all, and
• 13:54
  that's where it goes. Y'all seriously?
• 13:55
  But yeah, just buy you something.
• 13:57
  Buy you something you always been asking for.
• 13:59
  It's crazy how they always look. It's crazy how they be
• 14:02
  forgetting things all the time, act like they don't know how to
• 14:04
  make you happy, and then all of a sudden they do some horrible
• 14:06
  ass stuff to you and now they have the magic potion.
• 14:10
  Now all of a sudden they have they they know exactly what to
• 14:13
  buy you to make you happy. You see how that works right
• 14:15
  there? This is what goes on.
• 14:17
  They make it work like that. They know what they're doing,
• 14:21
  you know what I'm saying, They know exactly what they're doing.
• 14:24
  And last but not least, y'all, the last thing they have written
• 14:27
  now for narcissists and how they apologize or get you to forget
• 14:31
  something is if the last one knocked you off of your feet,
• 14:35
  this one really going to knock you off your feet.
• 14:38
  Right here. Y'all ready SEX?
• 14:45
  Well, y'all know how I be, said it.
• 14:46
  Y'all know how I say it on this channel right here.
• 14:48
  It's clapping cheeks. They will clap them cheeks.
• 14:56
  They absolutely will. Clapping cheeks is a way for a
• 15:00
  lot of narcissistic people to apologize and we especially when
• 15:03
  you're angry. This is why I tell people.
• 15:05
  This is precisely why tell so many people that if you've been
• 15:09
  arguing or fussing or fighting with a narcissistic person,
• 15:12
  they've done something horrible to you.
• 15:14
  Don't sleep with them, y'all. That's how they get you to bond
• 15:17
  to them even more. Yeah, Yeah.
• 15:19
  That's what this is one reason I think toxic people have pushed
• 15:22
  that makeup. Sex is supposed to be so good
• 15:24
  and so passionate. If you're angry, you're
• 15:26
  releasing all kinds of endorphins.
• 15:28
  You're releasing all kinds of shit.
• 15:29
  You, they and they want you to release the anger out of you.
• 15:32
  They want, they think an orgasm is supposed to make you forget
• 15:34
  the anger. The O is supposed to make you
• 15:36
  forget the A. The big O is supposed to make
• 15:39
  you forget the big A. The anger that you have for this
• 15:41
  person and what they've done to you, what they put you through,
• 15:43
  this is what they do. This is how they get you right
• 15:46
  here. Y'all seriously?
• 15:47
  This is the type of stuff that they will absolutely do to you
• 15:50
  and hold you to account for What?
• 15:52
  You see what I'm saying? They'll hold you to account for
• 15:55
  the stuff that they do Absolutely will.
• 15:59
  So This is why you have to prepare.
• 16:02
  You literally have to prepare for this type of stuff.
• 16:04
  Don't sleep with him. I know y'all be horny.
• 16:06
  I know y'all little honeys be honeys be hot.
• 16:09
  You get a little red bottles, like a little like a little.
• 16:12
  What's the monkey with the red bottom?
• 16:13
  Little baboons. Or there's a baboon.
• 16:15
  It's a baboon baboon with a big red butt.
• 16:18
  I know your butt's be getting red.
• 16:20
  I know you got the red butt. Butt red is here.
• 16:23
  Hot and red. You hot and red like a little
• 16:24
  red Little Caesar's pizza. You got a cold, you got to go
• 16:28
  sit on some ice. Go take a ice bath, take a cold
• 16:31
  shower. Do not give up the cheeks,
• 16:34
  fellas. Do not clap them cheeks.
• 16:36
  This is how they get you. It's addictive.
• 16:39
  I know. It's I know it can be better in
• 16:41
  this situation right here. When you're angry, when you're
• 16:43
  pissed off about something, this is how they get you.
• 16:46
  This is how they get you. They'll whip it out, they'll
• 16:49
  strip that, they'll strip down. They'll do all of this stuff to
• 16:52
  mess with you. But this is that mentality you
• 16:56
  have to protect yourself. You have to got you have to
• 16:59
  guard yourself. Do not sleep with them when you
• 17:02
  are angry, when you are pissed off and whatnot, because this is
• 17:06
  how to get you. This is how this is how they
• 17:09
  apologize to you sometime, you know what I mean, But you have
• 17:13
  to prep for it. Do not let them get you.
• 17:16
  Do not let do not be angry as hell and them and look, do not
• 17:20
  don't be angry as hell at them. And then they're like, you still
• 17:22
  angry now, and it's they start taking their clothes off and
• 17:25
  you're like, yeah, I'm still angry, but I'll hit it right
• 17:29
  now. Look, I'm going to sleep with
• 17:31
  you. I'm going to, I'm going to clap
• 17:32
  them cheeks, right? I'm going to clap them cheeks,
• 17:38
  but I'm still going to be mad afterwards.
• 17:40
  Come here, hop on it. Don't do it.
• 17:43
  Please, for the love of all things, don't do it, y'all.
• 17:47
  Please don't do it anyway, y'all.
• 17:51
  We made it to the end of this video.
• 17:52
  Again. This is one of the final
• 17:54
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• 17:56
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  experts. I'm talking to therapy experts,
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  people I still have narcissistic abuse victims to come on sharing
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