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How Do I Know if my Child's Tech is a Problem? · Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland

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  Speaker 1: Purposely. Your life, God's purpose. Listen at Purposely.com. Gospel Tech
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  Speaker 1: FAQs with Nathan Sutherland and Mark Holland.
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  Speaker 2: And welcome to another edition of Gospel Tech FAQs, a
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  Speaker 2: shorter feature of the just firehose of information we get
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  Speaker 2: from Nathan Sutherland and Gospel Tech. I've been trying to
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  Speaker 2: catch up with what you're all about, Nathan, in preparation
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  Speaker 2: for some of these shorter bites of information for parents
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  Speaker 2: and grandparents, how to use tech in a godly way
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  Speaker 2: in the family with your kids. And we're calling it FAQs,
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  Speaker 2: this shorter version, because these are frequently asked questions that
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  Speaker 2: you get as the Gospel Tech guy. And we're kind
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  Speaker 2: of going through a list here of questions. And why
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  Speaker 2: don't you tell us what's the first question that you
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  Speaker 2: get the most, at least on your list?
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it's the number one question I get through
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  Speaker 3: schools and churches is, how do I know if my
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  Speaker 3: kid's tech is a problem? We'll talk about it. There's
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  Speaker 3: lots of information to know about smartphones and video games
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  Speaker 3: and the nuance of new tech. But at the end
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  Speaker 3: of the day, parents, grandparents, about their kids, spouses, and
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  Speaker 3: themselves want to know, how do I know if this
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  Speaker 3: tech is a problem?
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  Speaker 2: How do I know if this is a problem? Okay, well,
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  Speaker 2: what are some signs? You said our last episode, you
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  Speaker 2: were starting to notice... Uh, sixth grade kids, other kids,
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  Speaker 2: other kids, not your own. You got your own kid
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  Speaker 2: in this class, but you teach at a Christian school
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  Speaker 2: and you're seeing a lot of kids in action now.
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  Speaker 2: And you said you could already determine which ones were
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  Speaker 2: probably having a problem with tech at home.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And when I say this, you will be like, I
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  Speaker 3: know that kid, uh, because I call it a reset.
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  Speaker 3: It's an acronym that stands for relationships, emotions, sleep, enjoyment,
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  Speaker 3: and time. And what I love about this conversational tool
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  Speaker 3: is it's not a diagnostic with which to win an
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  Speaker 3: argument and say, aha, I knew you had a problem.
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  Speaker 3: But instead to say, hey, I love you. And this
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  Speaker 3: doesn't look like it's bearing good fruit in these areas.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, we're told that we should bear fruit of
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  Speaker 3: love and joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
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  Speaker 3: So if I look at my child's relationships and when
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  Speaker 3: they watch this show, they become more short-tempered with their siblings.
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  Speaker 3: Then I'm going to say, hey, I've noticed when you're
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  Speaker 3: watching this show, you pivot. Like it produces bad fruit.
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  Speaker 3: Have you noticed this? And that allows me to fight
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  Speaker 3: for my child, not just with them when it comes
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  Speaker 3: to technology. Same thing. If my child goes and plays
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  Speaker 3: a video game and starts arguing with his sister or
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  Speaker 3: talking back to mom, that's a relational cue I'm looking at.
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  Speaker 3: Similarly with emotions. It's not just, do they feel good
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  Speaker 3: when they engage this tech? It's do they need it? Like,
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  Speaker 3: are they not okay if they don't get back to
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  Speaker 3: this video game or have an air pod in with
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  Speaker 3: a slow drip of lo-fi music? Like, Do they need
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  Speaker 3: this thing? Basically, they're coping with technology. And while I
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  Speaker 3: understand that, it doesn't make it okay because at some
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  Speaker 3: point they have to engage the real world God's called
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  Speaker 3: them to. And we want to equip them for that.
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  Speaker 3: We're not just raising safe kids. We're raising healthy adults.
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  Speaker 3: And so that was the sixth grade thing. I can
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  Speaker 3: watch the kids that are not emotionally capable of engaging
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  Speaker 3: hard ideas yet. It doesn't mean they never will. It
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  Speaker 3: just means I have to change their practice. Then sleep.
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  Speaker 3: If they have technology that distracts them in the bedroom,
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  Speaker 3: if they have, I'm holding up my smartphone now, if
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  Speaker 3: they have a thousand dollar alarm clock, there's a good chance.
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  Speaker 3: In their bedroom, there's a good chance they're distracted and
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  Speaker 3: their sleep's interrupted. Matthew Walker's book, Why We Sleep, is
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  Speaker 3: a great just kind of baseline if you want to
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  Speaker 3: know more about sleep and why it's important for humans.
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  Speaker 3: The second E is enjoyment. I don't mean they like it.
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  Speaker 3: I mean all of their other enjoyments wilt. My children
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  Speaker 3: are young and amazing, and I love them, and they
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  Speaker 3: have a diverse palette of interests. And sometimes there's a
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  Speaker 3: new tech that comes in, and it's not a bad tech.
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  Speaker 3: In fact, I'll call one out. One of my children
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  Speaker 3: recently got into chess and has been using online chess,
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  Speaker 3: playing live competitors. And it eats him up like Fortnite
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  Speaker 3: eats your average child up. Like he cannot walk away.
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  Speaker 2: I can relate to that.
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  Speaker 1: I love online chess.
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  Speaker 3: He can't walk away from a live match. He can't
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  Speaker 3: walk away from a practice session. He can't walk away
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  Speaker 3: from it. He's writing down play. Like he's trying so
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  Speaker 3: hard to get good. And losing a match. He lost
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  Speaker 3: a match yesterday right before we left school because I
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  Speaker 3: was doing schoolwork. I said, you can finish this match.
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  Speaker 3: And he lost. And it like wrecked the next 30
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  Speaker 3: minutes of his life. Um, that's important for us to
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  Speaker 3: note because chess is not my child's problem. There's something
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  Speaker 3: else going on at a heart level and probably a
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  Speaker 3: brain level. That's an emotional piece. So we're looking for that.
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  Speaker 3: That's in our conversational piece. And I, we have now
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  Speaker 3: set up some boundaries and said, Hey, still play online chess.
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  Speaker 3: And we're going to pick our time, our place, our frequency. Finally,
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  Speaker 3: it's time. Can you be content with the amount of
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  Speaker 3: time that you get on this technology? And if you
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  Speaker 3: go through and say, yes, relationships, emotion, sleep, enjoyment, the time,
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  Speaker 3: They're all fine. Then your child is healthy and build
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  Speaker 3: hedges that help you keep it healthy. And if you're
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  Speaker 3: like me and go, you know what? When this tech
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  Speaker 3: enters the picture, my child pivots for the worse, have
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  Speaker 3: that conversation. Maybe it's the tech. Maybe something else is
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  Speaker 3: going on and your child's just coping with tech. But
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  Speaker 3: the point of it is we need to be talking intentionally.
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  Speaker 3: We need to do more than just play whack-a-mole with
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  Speaker 3: bad tech, but point our kids to the best tech
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  Speaker 3: that helps them look more like Jesus.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, great information. And again, more long-form content from Nathan at... Purposely.com. And,
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  Speaker 2: of course, we have his programs on KCIS, Saturday mornings
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  Speaker 2: at 8. And this is just a taste of what
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  Speaker 2: Gospel Tech is like, great information for parents and grandparents
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  Speaker 2: and their young people who use tech.
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  Speaker 1: You can hear the Gospel Tech long-form program with Nathan
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  Speaker 1: Sutherland at Purposely.com and Saturday mornings at 8 on KCIS.