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Darren Mitchell - Sales, Fatherhood & Leadership · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Welcome to season six, and I could not be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations really unscripted and raw and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So let's sit back, relax and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Well, hello everybody.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: This is Casey Jaycox with the host of the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: We're in season six and when I get to go overseas, I'm talking like really overseas for guests, it makes it even more fun, and we're going to throw a shrimp on the bobby and we're going to bring my new friend, who I was luckily to be a guest on his podcast, and uh, we, I always like to return the favor when you go kind of, yeah, it's like a home and away and like a golf match, and so our next guest is named Darren Mitchell and uh, he's, he's.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: He's one gentleman that I really enjoyed me, because he shares similar mindset of relationship building that I do.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Um, I think he's really set the tone for what that looks like over in Australia and maybe probably worldwide.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: But for those who are in sales you want to find any podcast he has what's called the exceptional sales leader podcast.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: He's been doing it for years.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: For nearly 15 years he's been leading sales teams, coaching sales teams, doing program design.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: For years before that he was in corporate sales.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: But, with all that said everybody, that's not why we're having him on.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: We're having him on because he's a father of two and we're going to learn how Darren is continuing to work on improving his leadership skills in the home so he can be that ultimate quarterback or leader of his home.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, mr Mitchell, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Casey.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Absolute pleasure, mate.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: And, as I say in Australia, g'day G'day, mate.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: It's an absolute pleasure to be here and I loved having you on my podcast a few weeks ago and we're talking about this podcast that you do, and I think it's a great topic because, I mean, let's be brutally honest, a lot of mums get a lot of credit which, by the way, they should but I think fathers and dads spend a lot of time, certainly, away from the home doing what we need to do in order to take care of the family, but an important role that we play in the house as well.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: So, absolutely love the fact you've got a dad cast and, yeah, really looking forward to having a conversation.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: As you showed me before the introduction, you've got a list of questions.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: As long as I have, that is a blank paper, so I'm looking forward to chatting.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so what he's mentioning everybody.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Before we start recording, I showed him a blank piece of paper.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I said here's the script.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how we roll.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: It is Well.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: We always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm most grateful that I've got two kids that are now independent adult women.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: One now lives a little bit about an hour away from home and has just started her career as a medical doctor and she's out at the moment, at this very moment, running 22 kilometers because she's she's put herself into a marathon at the end of April, so she's out training and her and her partner is on a on a bike that I donated, making sure that he's supporting and giving her lots of sustenance as we go.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: And my younger daughter, who's now 21, is well, she's actually asleep at the moment because it's not time for her to get up because it's 9.07am.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: So for those of you who have teenagers and they don't get up until you know 10 o'clock in the morning, that's normal here in Australia.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But I'm very proud that she's also a very independent individual and well-mannered, really caring and a heart of gold.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So really proud that I've got two wonderful kids.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Well, what I'm most grateful for?
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: A couple of things.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: One I'm grateful I get to watch my daughter play a basketball game tonight.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: It's always fun.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: I love watching her compete.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Uh, I love, I love the toughness in hers.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: I, it's inspiring to watch.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Probably proud dad and um, I'm also grateful for my son who's in college.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Just, uh, it's amazing that for any dads who seen from him and literally like five months, it's like like just the conversations, the thoughtfulness, uh, um, and I'm grateful that he doesn't like, oh, my parents are calling me again.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, geez, you guys are idiots.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Like he like, literally like loves talking to us and so we talk every day.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Or, um, like they got me on Snapchat I've made fun of myself on the last few episodes about that but like, it's so fun just having, when you're just talking about like life and you're, I feel like we're taking that next step from like dad or mom to like almost like a consultant role where he's, hey, what do you guys think about this?
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: And then, like we're kind of these conversations back and forth where he's kind of coming to his own rescue or own answers of things he's going through in his life and so it's just really grateful for that that time it's.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: it's a great point you make, casey, because there are so many parents and and I don't know, we might talk about our own upbringing and how, when we were kids, I guess parenting might have been slightly different compared to how many quote unquote here generalization many parents bring their kids up and protecting them from certain things and allowing them to get on social media and do all the scrolling and screen time.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: But the fact that you've got children and I'm really proud of the fact I've got kids as well that now see us as not so much equals I mean, we've still got the parent-child relationship to some degree, but now that they're adults, we're more sounding boards and it's no longer the fact oh, mum won't let me do this or dad won't let me do that.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: It's like you go and make your own decisions because we've brought you up to be a free thinker and an independent thinker, which is a great leadership lesson, right to the point where, when they go out into the world.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: They should have the resourcefulness to be able to make their own decisions based on a process to make decisions and and maybe consult with us, but not seek permission from us, which is which I think is a really good mark of of how we bring up our kids.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: But at least that's my, that's my take you mentioned you had a couple daughters.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Maybe bring, bring me inside um the the huddle a little bit.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: That's a you know for yep, for for the the huddle of like a quarterback theme.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, um, I'd love to learn a little bit more about each daughter and then maybe share how you and your wife met wow, um, where do I start?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: well, my eldest daughter's name is curalee and she's just about to turn 25 and I can't believe.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: A A she's nearly 25 and B she's now a fully qualified medical practitioner, which is just insane.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: She my kids are chalk and sheets.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: She's very much a science-based, scientific, very intelligent, but also very caring, so very emotionally intelligent individual.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Loves her, loves her family, loves being around the family.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Not one of these kids that would actively want to look for opportunities to leave early in her adult life Didn't want to necessarily go out and party with all the other teenagers.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Her idea of a good time is being home, amongst people that she, uh, cares dearly about.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Uh, not so much watching netflix, but just talking right.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: So her and my, my wife, have a fantastic relationship and they're always snapchatting and doing stuff together and, you know, taking the p1 double s out of each other, which is um, which is really interesting but very scientific, very intelligent but also very, very caring soul.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Has also played a lot of AFL footy.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So for those who are in America, it's similar to gridiron, except we don't throw the ball because that's illegal.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: We have to punch the ball, or what we call handball the ball, and we don't have padding.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So it's a very physical game, very fast-moving game.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: But she's recently retired because she had a number of concussions and, as a medical practitioner, being concussed and having some head injuries is not a good thing.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: So she's no longer doing that.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: But she loves sport and hence she's into marathon running at the moment.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: So that's Julie the eldest, hayley the youngest, 21, completely different kettle of fish.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: From a very early age we saw that she was a very independent dare I say, stubborn individual.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: But she's got a heart of gold and she's more of a creative person.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: So she's been doing drawings and doodling and making up stories and stuff since she was really, really young and she's just finished an interior design degree.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: So she's looking at maybe doing some part-on work this year before travelling, because her whole goal is to go and live and travel in Europe and live in the UK.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: She's an avid fan of what's that movie, the movie with?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: It's a Christmas movie where they got Christmas.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Vacation.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: No, it's the base of the UK and they go away and Lou who grants in it?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, is it.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Family Stone.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: No, you know what, I'll forget it, but her idea is to go and live in the UK.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So very much a creative individual, but again, she likes being at home.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: She's got a small group of friends that.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: They are very, very tight, um, but both of them have great levels of servitude, so always looking to serve others and helping others whenever they can.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: So I'm really proud of both of them, even though they both have different different, I guess personalities which you'd expect and different approaches to life.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: How I met my wife?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Well, her and I met at university.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: We both wanted to do architecture when we were younger.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: We both missed out by about three or four spots to get into architecture at the same university and both ended up doing building engineering at the same university.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So we actually built up a really good friendship for four years through university, worked a lot together in terms of group projects and once we finished one of those serendipitous things, um, we just started going out and um, in march we'll be 30 years married.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: so, um, wow, very much a uh a long Along innings, as we say in cricket over here.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, that sounds that's cool.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: It's funny.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: You mentioned independent.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: So my daughter Riley, she's very independent, like very independent, my wife's independent, and she can be stubborn, my wife can be stubborn.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Sorry, honey, they're out there.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: But my daughter's like crazy creative, though.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Like I don't know where she gets these art skills.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Like I could not.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I'm a stick figure drawer.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: But she does like these it's amazing how like people who are good at art like how do you do that?
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah and um for her.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: It's like nothing.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like it's funny.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: You know, just, we all got our gifts, I guess it's.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: It's frustrating that you see people that can just pick up a pencil or pick up some sort of texter and just create something, and I look at that with envy.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And now I look at that with curiosity and think, wow, that is just a phenomenal skill.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I wonder, I wonder what the process is behind that, and could I learn to do that similar with people that pick up like a guitar or just have this ability to bust and jam and do things?
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I often wonder God, what would it be like to actually just pick up a guitar in a random space and just be able to sing?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: And that would be a fantastic skill, one of which I do not have.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Well, you're a legend.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I taught myself how to play guitar like 15 years ago at a buddy.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: He taught me like two chords, okay, and and then I learned a few chords and, um, the more beers I have, the better singer I am, nice it sounds better to others.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Sounds better to you but no, I love playing.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: It's fun.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, you can play four or five chords, you can play a lot of songs nice, a lot I'm learning.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: And um, it's kind.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, you can play four or five chords, you can play a lot of songs Nice, a lot I'm learning.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: And it's kind of fun when you can do it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: And just sometimes it's very therapeutic.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I find.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't play a lot, but when I do play it's definitely fun.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: And I always ask my wife I go was that awful or is it okay?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: And it's like no it's actually pretty good, like sure.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I believe you, but okay, let's go and test it on the street corner yeah, there we go.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: When I come to australia, I'll bring my guitar wow, well, talking about that, when I was in vegas before christmas, I mean we've got buskers in australia, right, and they're pretty good buskers, the people in ve, they were incredible and the noise they've got massive, massive sound systems.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: We had guys, african-american dudes, singing the most amazing jazz and blues In Australia.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: You'd be going to see that bloke at a concert hall.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: He was that good, he was phenomenal and I think, wow, what a skill, what a skill.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of talented singers.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Actually, on a probably two episodes ago, I interviewed um a guy named adam hood, if so, if you like country music, or anybody in australia likes country music, it's, he's unbelievable.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So he's so talented and um, I met him at a conference where I saw him play and I was like, how is this dude not like?
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: And it's so competitive and um, but his, I mean, he's got a great following.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: He's an independent dude, but it just goes to show how many really really good singers are in the world that just maybe haven't got the chance yet.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm a big fan of Darius Rocker, who was the head of Hootie and the Blowfish, and I saw him seven, eight years ago in Australia and he was supported by who's, the really famous country singer.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Now, anyway, I had Love Actually as the movie which I just remembered.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: That's a great movie.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I remember that's a great movie.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: But I mean, he's so talented but he had a support act Luke Coombs, that's who it is Luke Coombs supported him and now Luke Coombs is in Australia and New Zealand doing stadium tours and he's sold out and he's got an incredible voice as well.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: So, mate, it's talent plus hard work Certainly outwins talent alone yeah, just like, just like anything and things I've shared with my kids.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: It's like the the art of practice, no matter what you do, is always going to be important.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: And I know when I was on your show we talked about like sales people, and sales people like to wing it.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: They don't practice, but but speaking you can practice.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Whether it's guitar, you can practice basketball, golf, I mean, doc, you probably practice being a better doctor, like there's things you can do so that's it.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Never stop learning.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, I want to go back in time, sir, and learn about life for Darren growing up and talk about the impact that your what we would consider to be an average Australian upbringing One brother, mum and dad, local house, one dog.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: We go on Christmas vacation we used to travel from.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: For those of you who know the geography of Australia, I'd live in Melbourne, which is the southern part of Australia, and we would drive to Queensland, which is the north part of Australia, every Christmas for holidays and that would drive to Queensland, which is the north part of Australia, every Christmas for holidays and that would be a two-day, two-and-a-half-day drive and that in itself would be an adventure because our cars did not have air conditioning in those days so we'd be driving through the heat.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: But I always remember those with fond memories because my dad was an Elvis fan, amongst others, and he used to play lots of country music, but thankfully in the car it was all Elvis because we all liked Elvis.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: So sing-alongs were fantastic.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: But the thing that I learnt most from, I guess, my parents was work ethic, and not so much for what they said, more for what they did.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: My dad was a school teacher and later in his life was a principal of a school one of the schools and you know people used to always say, oh, it must be an easy job.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Most school kids, you know, start at nine, finish at three.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: So teachers must start at nine and finish at three.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: They have all these holidays throughout the year and he used to really get annoyed at that because he, he said people don't understand the amount of time it takes to prepare for lessons, to teach, you know, five-year-old, ten-year-olds, ten-year-olds, six-year-olds, etc.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: That it's not just the school hours, it's all the work outside and and all these holidays they're caught up with either catching up, doing curriculum, doing assessments, planning for the next thing, doing conferences and things like that.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: But he never complained.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: He never complained, he just got up and did what he did and he loved it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: One of the things I and he passed in 1998.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: So he passed at 54, which was 54?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: .
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: At 54, yeah.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: He was diagnosed with cancer in 97 and died about 18 months later, late 98.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But later on in his career.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Because I was how old was I when he passed?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I think I was my wife and I had been married a couple of years, so probably 29.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: When he passed, I think I was wife and I've been married a couple years, so probably 29.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Um, one of the things I got to do uh when I had time was was actually watch him in action, um, and he would often do uh assemblies or he'd do conferences, and I got to watch in in some, in some situations.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I got to do that, but I managed to see that, and what always impressed me was his ability to speak in public with no notes.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Now, it's funny how things happen, because I started out as an engineer, I wanted to be an architect, I then got into sales and back then I had no ambition, no inclination, no idea that I'd end up being a corporate teacher, a corporate trainer, trainer, a facilitator, a mentor, a coach, a podcaster, right.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: All of which you have to be really good at communicating and part of which needs to be communicating in public, right?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: So I've actually just been reflecting on this the last couple years and think how interesting is it that my father was a teacher.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: He taught me so much, not so much by telling me what to do, but showing me by example, on how to communicate in the public forum.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: And here I am now doing exactly the same thing, albeit not in a school environment but more in a corporate environment, which, by the way, sometimes it's children dressed up as adults doing the same thing, and there's a lot of parallels to that.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: But I think back in the lessons that he taught me was, it was obviously preparation but servitude, and it was always about how do I help the audience and how do I demonstrate, care for the audience and actually deliver a message.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: It's something in it for them which is what we need in sales.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Um, from my mum's perspective, mum was very sporting.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Um, she still plays tennis.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: She's in her late 70s and she still plays tennis competitive tennis a couple of days a week, does pilates and all that sort of stuff.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: So very, very active and very fit.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: And again, I mean, she spent many of her years as a full-time mum and then started to go back working part-time, but she was just always there and she, she created and helped create an environment where both my brother and I A felt safe, b felt supported and C felt encouraged to take on activities, take on health hobbies, and it was always okay.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: So we'll just give it a crack, give it a crack and we'll be there to support you.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: So I watched both my parents go through our early lives in our early junior sporting careers being involved in football clubs, early lives in our early junior sporting careers being involved in football clubs.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And it's what you are in the basketball realm, whether that be a team manager, team assistant, coaching assistant or coaching.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: And I've found myself doing exactly the same thing for the last, you know, 13 years running a female football program here where I live in Melbourne, and the same issues exist today as they did when I was a child, that is, it's very hard to get volunteers, but we do it because we love creating an environment where people can actually express themselves and do it in a safe and encouraging environment.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: So, man, lots of lessons.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And it's only now, when you ask this question, that I think, wow, there's so many parallels and so many things that we're doing today that have their origins in the examples that my parents set all those years ago, but at the time it's like we're just going through life doing things yeah, well, unfortunately, I I share.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I share the the pain of losing a father.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I lost my dad in 2021.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Um, uh, he had it was more of a longer, longer burn of like just a rapture health stuff, so uh doesn't make it easier, but like kind of cancer is the worst I hate cancer.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: it is and it's and it's the thing, that thing that the biggest lesson I I had from that is I mean, I don't, I don't wish that upon anybody just to see a loved one, um, just deteriorate over time and become a shell of their shell of their former former self, a couple of their former self, a couple of things.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: One is at least we got the opportunity to say goodbye and his wish was, if he was going to pass, he wanted to pass in his own home.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: So he came home and we were there.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: My wife was there, my brother and his wife were there and we were there when he passed.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: And it was a good thing knowing that we were there, and I think him knowing that we were there as well gave him a little bit of comfort.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: But one of the biggest lessons he taught me through this process, casey, was he got to the point where he obviously accepted his fate and it was no longer about him.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: He was more concerned about will my mum be okay?
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Did he care for her enough to provide for her so that she'd be okay past?
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You know, when he left, his biggest regret that he shared with me that he would never get to see his grandkids, because both my my brother and myself hadn't yet had kids right.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: And now there are four in the, in the family so, um, but he never.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: He never complained.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: It was I never, ever heard him say, oh my god, why is this happening to me?
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: It's a case of you know what it is, what it is right.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: How do I make sure that others around me are taken care of?
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: And I will fight this thing with everyone I've got, but if I'm fighting a losing battle, then I'm going to go down with grace.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go down complaining.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: And it was such a powerful lesson that I mean I still refer to that today when I'm talking to sales teams and when they, when they saw this is happening, that's happening, and where is me and why is this happening?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: And somebody else's, somebody else's fault said guys, think about what happens, is what happens?
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Your, your role is to define reality, but also think what does that mean to you?
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: But, more importantly, what are you going to choose to do about it?
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: In response, you, you may not be able to get the ideal solution, but do something.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: You've got to have this growth mindset, not a fixed mindset, and that's what he had.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: He said you know what, if I'm going to go, I'm going to get out and fighting, but hey, I've got to make sure the people around me know that I love them and I cared for them and hopefully leave the world in a better place.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Tell me where do you think that mindset of strength came from for him?
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: To be honest, I don't know, because his parents, his father, his father was like a I wouldn't say he was involved in some shady stuff, but we would often get things that fell off the back of a truck and he was involved in horse racing.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: So my grandfather, his father, was a strapper, so he used to work with horses a lot and he used to have contacts in various places that things could happen, but he was not the type of person that would necessarily set an example.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: So I think my father was successful in his career, in spite of what the upbringing that he had was.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: So perhaps he saw the examples that his parents were setting and the people around his parents and said, hey, I don't want to be like that, I'm going to choose a different path.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: So he actually became and I wouldn't say he became a self-made person, but he obviously ended up surrounding himself with people who taught him a different way and started to learn from there.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: So we found some mentors in other areas.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Um, that's that's, and I've never actually got the opportunity to speak to him about that, but looking back, there were some things that happened in some objects that found themselves into our house that were quite questionable.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking hmm, there might have been a different path he could have.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: There might have been a different path he could have gone down.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: But he chose a different path.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: And he chose because he was doing what he thought was right, not what was easy.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: When he, if you remember, Darren, tell me, was there ever like a kind of like that eerie spiritual moment before he passed?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I got a sense and we had a dog at the time, um, a dog called jemma, and she would spend a lot of time with him and I think animals have have a sixth sense.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: So she, I think she knew, because she didn't want to leave his side yeah, the night that he passed and I wouldn't say that there was any um obvious spiritual thing, but there was a feeling that we got that, um, you know, today's the day or tonight's the night, and when it happens, all I can remember is, yeah, there was sadness, but for us it was actually more contentment and relief.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And that might sound really strange to see a loved one pass, but no I mean, for god's sake, he's now out of pain and he's now at peace, and you know whether people believe in the afterlife and stuff like that.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: I firmly believe that he's now in a better place and that you know it was just devastating to see him go through the suffering, even though he didn't complain about it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I know the pain that he was in and all the morphine that he had to get.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: It just got to the point where you know what the best thing.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And I do remember having a conversation with him and he could hear me, but he couldn't probably respond and we basically said hey, dad, it's okay.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: It's okay when it's time, we're happy to let you go right and and be okay and and for us that was that was cathartic, for us, not so much to give him permission but just to say it's okay.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Because at the end of the day, when you think about it, for the people that are left behind, yeah, they go through the grieving process, but sometimes, unfortunately, we make it about ourselves and say why did they choose to leave me?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: You think you know what?
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Now this, this person's, probably it's their time, and how do you help them make that transition and give them a good send-off to say, hey, it's okay, it's okay, we'll.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: We'll be okay, because what you've done is you've left us with things that we can.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Keep you with us, but let you pass over and start your next journey yeah, I, I asked because when my dad passed like the last two weeks, like so dementia was just brutal, like in it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: But, like um, I said the last like three, four weeks we went and I saw him probably four or five days a week.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, um, it was during covid.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: So, my, we couldn't wait.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: You know, my son, we had the masks on and stuff and so he was there.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: And, uh, I remember one time, like I don't, I'm not I wouldn't say like a quote-unquote religious person, but I'm very spiritual a faith, you know, believe in higher power, believe in god.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Um, and I remember, like on my my dad couldn't really hear as much he couldn't, but he could read still.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: So I remember on my phone saying I said god loves you and I wrote down and I showed it to him and he smiles.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: And then, um, I remember one time he was staring at a picture of his mom, my grandma Grace, who you know passed away, I don't know 20 years ago, let's say.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden he sees her.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: He's pointing the picture and he was pointing up in the room.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I go, what are you pointing at dad?
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: He's like I couldn't understand.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: And he kept pointing at Dad.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: He's like I couldn't understand, he kept pointing at his mom.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: I go is grandma here?
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: He says yeah, and I'm like what, um?
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: And then one day I said I wrote him the phone, I go, hey, I go, dad, you know, you told you know you're in pain, we love you, you know we, we got here, you know it's time, if we, if, are you ready to go meet god?
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: He goes, not quite yet, but pretty soon, wow, I mean, and he said it like so confidently it was just like this very, very kind of eerie to go through, but but yeah, so peaceful.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: And I, I was also there for my dad's last breath, holding his hand, and yeah um, you don't ever think that's going to happen, but it does, and well, it's a, it's an inevitability of life, isn't it casey?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: so you know it's a cycle of life and when you think about you know how, how minuscule we actually are in terms of time and space and the size of the universe and stuff like that.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: It's, it's like a speck and a speck and a speck.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: And I heard somebody saying the other day when you look at the sheer size of that, the difference in the universal realm between 90 years and 30 years is actually not that much.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: But when we're here on Earth it's a huge amount of time.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: And sometimes what we and certainly I've got to always think of this on a regular basis is sometimes we take time for granted and think, well, I'll do this tomorrow, I'll do this next week.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: And think, well, I'll do this tomorrow, I'll do this next week.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: And think, okay, for the people who are no longer here, they never had tomorrow, they're never going to have next week.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: So time is now.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: So we should have and it's not urgency to say, oh, I've got to make that extra sale, but it's go and reach out to that person you haven't spoken to for a while, go and reconnect with that person who you've been thinking about but you've been putting off contacting because you've been too quote-unquote busy.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: So in these type of times it reminds us and every time I've got somebody that's close to me that passes, or I know somebody within I guess, the environment that passes, it's always the same thought process.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: My God they're not here and it becomes really real, and for a short amount of time I think you know what I've got to make today count, and I do, but then very quickly, within about a week we're back to business as usual.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: So it's a constant reminder that we've got to make sure that we've only got an infinite amount of time.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: We don't know when our time is going to be up.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Well, sometimes we go through these like challenging times, whether it's in business or a death, like we talked about, or um, and I'd be honest.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: So I, as I mentioned, I was in Atlanta this week for for work and um, my Uber driver, um, I always like to do a small talk here and there, and he was an older dude and, uh, late it was he.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: I said he had a good day.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: He's like yeah, it's been good.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: I go.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Did you just start or are you just getting up?
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: No, you're my last drive.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like oh cool, thanks for picking me up.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: And he's like I don't have many people say thanks, I go.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I kind of believe in you treat people the way you want to be treated, mindset.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: And so we chat.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: His English was broken and we talked a little bit and I said are you from the United States?
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: He's like no, I moved here, I go from where?
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: He's like from Haiti, wow, and he goes.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he goes.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, it wasn't safe there anymore.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: There was wars and gang issues.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my God, sorry, he goes.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: What he goes.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually left.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I had a house on the beach.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I had two master's degrees.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: I was a executive at a university, but my family wasn't safe and so I I moved the entire family to Atlanta, um, and I can't wait to move back.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: But I love it here.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: people are nice, but I can't wait to move back yeah and just like a perspective as a dad, I was like I told my kids when I got home I'm like, just when you think you're having a bad day, don't I'm not saying feel guilty, but like just know someone has it worse oh, absolutely, absolutely, and I mean he's he's like 60 years old wow, and you mad.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine that?
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: oh so he was 60 when he moved over yeah, he's like 60, yeah, upper, maybe he's 60 now.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: So like, yeah, late 50s, and I mean like if you like, you like you're having the your elite part of your career, you've worked your ass off, you've made enough money, you have a house on the beach, yeah, and he had to get rid of all of it just to go stay safe with his family it's insane.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: It's insane.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: And when you think about that, like in Australia I mean Australia has been, depending on who you believe, has built on the back of convicts being shipped out from the motherland, you know, years and years ago.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: So we've all got convict blood in us.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: But you know, we hear stories of first and second generation Australians who had parents that came from England or came from Greece or Italy, maced parents that came from England or came from Greece or Italy, macedonia.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: We've got a very multicultural society here in Australia and a lot of them came out with literally the clothes on their back and maybe a couple of dollars in their pocket.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: And one thing similar to the American dream, the Australian dream, is you know what, if you work hard, you can create whatever you want here in Australia.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Right, and unfortunately there's a lot of people in our country I'm sure there's some people in your country as well that you know take it for granted that everything's going to be given to them and we need support by the government, et cetera, et cetera, of which our parents and grandparents who came from those countries didn't necessarily have, but somehow they managed to actually build a life and create an environment for their kids and their future generations to be well looked after.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: So this work ethic and uprooting from Haiti to America, or from England to Australia, or from Greece to Australia or America I don't know if I could do that right, because I'm thinking at my age.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: Imagine doing that and uprooting the whole family and starting again in a country where many of them didn't even know the language because English wasn't necessarily their native tongue.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: And yet they've done it, and I mean that in itself.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: You could probably spend hours dissecting and thinking what are the lessons there?
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Because they're phenomenal lessons on work ethic.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Well, another thing, I forgot to tell the story.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: So I said what is your first language?
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: He goes, I speak French.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Phenomenal lessons on work ethic.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Oh well, another thing, I forgot to tell the story, so he.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: I said what is your first language?
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: He goes, I speak, I speak French.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Well, I took two years of French in high school and I'm 48.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: So that's like shoot 30 years ago, I mean for a long time ago.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: And I, so I go, I, I just you know, and I told my what did I say?
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: How did I say?
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: I forgot to say speak French.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: My name's Casey.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I said my name's Casey, and then I told him, like he goes.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: I said un peu, un peu, like just, and he goes and I think just being, you know, vulnerable to you know, have heinous French and his English was not good, but we had this little connection, yeah, little connection, yeah, and uh, I just told him I'm like again.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Hey, I'll say a prayer for you.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I wish you and your family safe.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I wish you guys can get back to um haiti and I hope it'll be better.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: But, like, I think I don't know, those stories of like relationship is what I love sharing with my kids.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, um, I'm sure you probably have stories for days of like, stories of impact, you, that you've shared with your kids, that maybe like.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Hello everybody.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: My name is Craig Coe and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship Management for Beeline.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations has become today's industry standards.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization?
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: And I say this it's simple.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: The guy flat out gets it.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: Relationships matter.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: His down to earth presentation, his real world experience applied to every area of our business.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: In fact, his book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal has become required reading for all new members of the global relationship management team.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: And if you don't know Casey Jaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn more about how he can help your organization.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to today's episode.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to today's episode.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Maybe, as I said, does one come to mind that you maybe want to share, that was impactful for your kids, that you shared through your life experiences.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Well, one story that actually happened to us.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: So you know full disclosure.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Between Hayley and Tyra Lee we had a third daughter.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: It was actually.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: She was born stillborn at 34 weeks, so in 2002, so this year, stillborn at 34 weeks.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: So we and 2002, so this year she would have been 23 and we named her Courtney, courtney Rose.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: So Kerrilee was about 18 months old and we were expecting a second child.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: My wife's cousin was also expecting at the same time and she was probably about four weeks um advanced of her.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: So her son, jack, now is, he's turning 23 this year, um, lovely kid, um.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: But the the story we go through and it's probably a story of um.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I mean it's sad, but we've been really open about it since and we we still celebrate Courtney's birthday every year.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I guess the investigation showed that it was just an act of God, there was no natural cause, there was nothing wrong with the baby, but it just happened.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: And we often talk about that and I will say in total transparency that Hayley, being the second daughter of the third born, had has had some challenges coming to grips with that because when she was about seven or eight she was realizing that huh, I'm here, but Courtney's not, and she started to, I guess, try to analyze that and saying, well, okay, so if Courtneyney was here I wouldn't be here, but because courtney is not here, I am.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: So I was almost like, oh my god, I'm really sad because courtney has passed and the only reason courtney passed was for me.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: So us having that conversation, we gave her some professional help to work through that, um, and every now and then it sort of still comes up and you know, there's a few tears in the eyes and so forth.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: But so well, you know, courtney, courtney was here.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: This was, this was in courtney's destiny, right, so that you could live, right.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: So you're meant to be here.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: So you've got to understand that, and I guess your legacy to that will be what do you choose to do with your life?
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: And not so much as a testament to Courtney, but Courtney is within you, right.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: So, um, take that forward and be the best, best possible version you can be and don't be sad for it, because that was, that was in Courtney's, that was in Courtney's destiny.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: So, um, but at the time, um, my wife and I were really, really strong.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: It helped us become closer.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: But it was interesting to have people around us who didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say, and the lesson, looking back, was we were very open and very transparent and we said, hey, we're not going to dismiss this, we're not going to not talk about it, we're going to celebrate this, we're going to celebrate Courtney.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: We've still got her ashes with us, we've got photos of her when she was born, we've still got our parents to come in and hold her and all that sort of stuff, and we gave her a funeral.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: All that told her and all that sort of stuff, and we gave her a funeral, all that.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: So it was a lesson in hey, things happen that you don't know why, and it's easy to blame circumstances, easy to blame others, but it's like you know what excuse the France.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: But shit happens, right it's what you choose to do with it.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: in response to that, that will ultimately define you, but do not let that event define you.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: So, when we've had challenges with our kids and we've not necessarily referred back to us hey, remember, your sister is not we didn't say that at all, but we've said, hey, let's put this into context, right, what's the lesson here?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Can you affect anything that's just happened?
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: Well, if the answer is no, it's beyond your control then the conversation shifts to okay, what do you have control over?
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: You've got control over the choices you now make and the actions that you now choose to take.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: Let go of the need to have the perfect outcome.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Just take the next step and have faith that it will be okay, it will all work out, because at the end of the day, if it hasn't worked out, then it's not the end right, so I want to make sure I don't know if I quite heard when you're saying the story so did was how old was courtney before she passed?
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: she was still born.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: So she died in utero.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: She, she was um at 34 weeks.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I I came home from work one day and shari, my wife, said, um, I can't feel the baby moving, because she was very much a mover, um.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: And my wife was a little bit concerned.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: We thought we'll just see how it goes, we'll let it go for a couple of hours and nothing, nothing changed.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: So I rang.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: I rang our obstetrician and he said right, I'll meet you at the hospital because we'll do some analysis.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: So we went in and had the ultrasounds and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: So that's when he said look, it looks like there's no heartbeat.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: And he was very calm, very soothing, fabulous, fabulous guy.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: He's delivered all of our kids and, yeah, my wife had to be induced.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: So it was, I think, 48 hours when Courtney was born.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: And I've got to say in the hospital, the people at the hospital were phenomenal and they treated us just like you're having a baby, right, it wasn't.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, woe is you, I'm so sorry, et cetera.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: It was like, hey, you're having a baby, right, it wasn't.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, woe is you, I'm so sorry, et cetera.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: It was like, hey, you're having a baby.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: And when she was born, they gave us time to spend with her, which was phenomenal.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: So I think that was helpful for us because it started the, I guess, the healing process or the meaning process.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: We did go through a stage of why did this happen, et cetera, et cetera.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Then we said it you know, we did go through a stage and why did this happen, etc.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Etc.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: And then we said you know what us looking for answers is not going to change the fact that she's passed.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: What do we do?
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: How do we move forward?
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: And and we started thinking, well, how do we now, how do we now treat this?
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: And how do we now, you know, treat people around us because they've got no idea what to say, what to do?
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: And so we said, hey, this has happened.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: We don't know why.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: We're going to try and find out why, but let's be open about it and and talk about it, right, and if people feel nervous, then we're going to try and take their nervousness away by proactively talking about it yeah, I love, I love your approach, man.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: I, I'm, I mean you're, you're speaking my language.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I think what, what you're doing is being vulnerable and you're being vulnerable to share, and that's the one thing we as humans have in common.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: We all have shit that happens to us, we all have issues, we all have fears, we all have things that make us sad, make us laugh.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: Yet so many of us keep these things close to the vest, like I got to be perfect and I can't show any help.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: And I'm hopeful that there's a family that comes across this episode and is inspired to say, well, you know what?
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's happened to us.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: But here's an example of some.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's someone in the United States listened to, but someone in Australia, they, they, actually they got back in the batter's box and they wanted to you know, for a baseball analogy and they, they had another, they had a healthy daughter and she's thriving and she's doing great.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: And you know we're still going to celebrate the, the, the, the daughter.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: You know that left, you know, had to go, unfortunately, if that doesn't make sense, but it is what it is.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: But I think your story is inspiring and it's, I think I appreciate you sharing, because I didn't.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't know this before we started recording, but I think this is the powerful stuff.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: Why I started this podcast six years ago is to hear these stories, to hear what, what dads can learn from other dads.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: Um, because I I feel like every time I talk to dads on this podcast, I feel like I'm getting free therapy today included.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: You know well, yeah I mean it's.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: It's interesting to say, I mean, and I've always been an open book, right so, and you, you would know this, you know running sales, kickoffs and in the work that you do that if, if we are, if we are to be a good leader, if we're to be an exceptional leader, then we've got to be ourselves, and part of ourselves is there'll be some good stuff, there'll be some not so good stuff and there'll be some challenges we've had to deal with and overcome and we may have overcome all of them.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: But I guess I believe a true leader is an authentic leader, that you get all the bells and whistles, you get all the warts and all right.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: So I've got nothing to hide.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: There's absolutely nothing to hide.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: But in everything that happens there's a lesson.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: If we choose to find what the seat of that lesson is and I look back now and think you know what, that's part of our story, right, we can't rewrite the story, and when people ask you know, if you go back in time, whether it be in your career or in your life, would you want to rewrite anything?
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I said no, everything that's happened has been a combination of who we are today and if we change that.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: It's like going into time travel.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: You really want to change things to get a better result.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: There's going to be a price to pay for that.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: But the key thing is what is the lesson and how can you move forward from that lesson despite the difficulty you might have gone through at the time.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: That's the thing.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: The unfortunate thing, though, casey, as we know, is sometimes you need the passage of time to have the perspective, to look back and think what was the actual lesson, because when you're going through it, the last thing you're thinking about, to be brutally honest, is what is the positive lesson out of this?
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: How can I demonstrate a growth mindset so I can move forward?
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: No, you're going through a shitstorm.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Let's be honest, right, and you're a lot of time to take, time to like be open, to like even hearing the reason, but like when you can be in the right mindset of acceptance and like, okay, I can't change what happened, um I totally agree with that and the majority of adversity moments in my life I still reflect on like I've been through, that, I can get through this or I went through that and this is the lessons I learned.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: let's go back and really be thoughtful and present with those thoughts, to use those skills now.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Correct.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: And in times of challenge and in times of grief, the natural human tendency is to want to wrap your arms around somebody and console them and be there for them, and there's nothing wrong with that, other than you've got to make a decision.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: Is this the best strategy for that person at this particular time?
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: Sometimes all that person needs is you to be there for them, and that means just being there and not saying anything, just not doing anything, just being there.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: Listen.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Just listen.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: And not try to make meaning of anything, because nothing has meaning.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: I had, with the greatest amount of respect, my mother at the time when we lost Courtney, was asking all these questions.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: You know why did Shari fall down?
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: And it was just the old thinking that she'd been brought up with, that she needed to look for a reason as to why this happened, because this shouldn't quote-unquote happen.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: I said, mum, it's happened, there's nothing we can do about it.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Right, it's an act of God, it is what it is.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: What can we do with it now?
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: Well, we've got to all find a way to move forward, and so I think the lesson I got from that with my wife and I is we were the ones that had to be the catalyst that then led others around us in terms of how to more effectively deal with that, and if we hadn't have done that, we probably wouldn't have had the relationship that we now have with everybody and, I guess, the freedom of how we now, um, recollect and talk about that experience, but also remember court as the person that she she was and is yeah, a lot of gold in that man, a lot of wisdom and, um, powerful stuff, to say the least.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Um, I want to transition to um.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: One of the questions I was like asking dads is like an area, and now that you have, you've successfully, you got, you got two adults.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: They're not in jail, they're, they're surviving, they're doing great, they're doing good things in the world.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: But if you can look back and say, for that, maybe a dad's listening that that you could, you could share maybe an area of your dad game that wasn't quite where you wanted to be, if you could go back and say, man, I wish I was a little bit more this um, that we can maybe help a younger dad prevent the same mistakes that maybe you have made.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: Or, like I always lean on patience for me, like sometimes I lost my patience early that I wish I could be more patient.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: It's a great question.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: When I was a younger dad, I didn't appreciate how quickly time would pass and just looking back at photographs even when you get your Facebook feed, come up with memories and stuff like that and I look back seven, eight years and I think, my God, the kids look so young.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: Right, if I had any sort of regret or any lesson going back and not so much that I'd change things, but maybe I'd be more conscious of things is this concept of quantity versus quality of time.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: So at the time when the kids were younger, I was in sales leadership, responsible for $50 million to $100 million of revenue, and it was an all-consuming job.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of trouble working long hours, sometimes weekends, which meant that I didn't have necessarily the opportunity to spend the quantity of time with the kids that I would ideally like to.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: So when I'm talking to younger dads today who are also chasing the dream of a big career or building their own business, we're also very conscious of the fact that you've and I look at this as we're a temporary custodian of our children until they fly the nest, and what our kids are looking for is not just quality of time.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: They're looking for quantity of time, because at a young age, quality equals quantity.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: They want to spend time with you and I look back and think you know what I was with them, because I did a lot of things with them in terms of volunteer stuff on the weekends and went to their schools when I could and helped take swimming lessons and things like that.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: If I'm brutally honest, there are some of those occasions where I wasn't necessarily watching them like I should have been, because I had my head in a phone or responding to voicemails or whatever the case might be, thinking that's productivity time, that I can do things and multitask right.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: So don't ever forget that as a young father, father, what your kids are looking for is time with their dad right now.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: I say to leaders today one of my catchphrases I talked all about, all about all the time is your greatest gift that you can give to your team members and, by the way, the greatest gift that you can give to your children is the gift of your attention, and by attention it's undivided attention, it's being fully present, free of distractions.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Now, if that means you have to prioritize half an hour with your daughter, with your son, over half an hour with your vice president of sales, then do that and do not make apologies for that.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: I sometimes I think, compromise that and I not so much regret that that.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: But if I had my time over again because I still think I spent a good chunk of time because I had flexibility in my role so I'd often come home early on a friday and we'll go out for afternoon tea with the kids and that would just be family time.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: Um, and that was, that was fantastic, but I think I'd want to do more of that no, that's a good one for a small amount of time in the whole scheme of things.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: No, that's a good one.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I think that'll speak to a lot of dads.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: I think it's um, it's important to just reflect and just like you know when, when Darren and I work with sales leaders or sales teams, we're always teaching people to check your ego, be coachable dads we can do to our kids and, um, we both have a passion for curiosity, which I think curiosity solves a lot of the world's problems.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: If we ask more questions of our kids, we're going to try to connect with them.
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: Well then, that's a that's a great way to do it.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: But, um, like, I like how you worded that, um, if you had to kind of summarize things you learned from your parents, um, things you and your wife um were the, I guess, the values you learned from your parents, the values that were important to you and your wife um, that if you had to like summarize like two or three that you know dads, they took anything from our episode.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: They could say, hey, here are two or three things from a value perspective that if you get really good at these things, you'll increase the chance of having a good, healthy home, home.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is relationships and caring and just be a loving person, be a good person, making sure that your kids are in a safe environment and you create a safe environment, which means you've got to be happy with yourself.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: So I think contentment is and contentment can sometimes be misconstrued because I can be content and have no money.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: You've got to be content and driven at the same time.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: So certainly the work ethic comes in, so you work hard, but I think it's the love and support and the connection that's the most important thing, because, as they say in the classics, you can always go and make more money, but you can't make a lot more time, because I don't know anybody that's been able to create more time.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: But if you've got that, then focus on connection.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: So if I look back on my upbringing, we had that connection.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: So we were always together on the weekends.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: We were always together for dinners at night time and stuff like that.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: We did holidays together, so we actually had that time to connect.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: And I think there are some families that have lost that today because these things, these smartphones, are a bit of a well, not a bit a huge amount of distraction.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: So if I was thinking about values love, connection, integrity, work, ethic are the key ones that we have it might sound like a real one, a weird one.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: I don't call it chilled, but be okay with the world, right, it's.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: Whatever's happening is happening.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, surrender.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: And one thing and this is if I look back, I think one of the things that may have contributed to my dad getting sick was he was always worrying.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: He was always anxious about some stuff, right, worrying.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: He was always anxious about some stuff, right.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: Um, and if I look at when he passed, or even years, years earlier, he started to look older.
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: And I look back now and the photos that I've got of him in his late 40s I mean, I look younger at 56 than he did in his late 40s and I just wonder whether that was part of the worrying that he had.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: And so what I've learned from that is hey, shit's going to happen, right?
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: The question I ask is can I do anything about that?
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: And if the answer is yes, then let me do something about it.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: If the answer is no, the next question is okay, what can I do in response to that that I have control over, right?
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: So stop worrying about the stuff that's out of your control and start focusing on the things you do have control.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: So you know and you would know this running a business, you know there are days and weeks and months and sometimes years, where it's up and down like a roller coaster.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: We talk about the entrepreneurial roller coaster, right?
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: So there are days like things are going fantastic.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Then there are other days don't know where's my next client come from, my goodness, and it would be easy to worry and get caught up in that.
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: One of the things I've learned to do is you know what, at the end of the day, everything's going to work out because I've got some good principles, I'm a good person, I've got a good heart, I'm here to serve people will be good because the world has ways of actually making sure that people like us, who are here to serve, will always get taken care of.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: So, hey, don't sweat the small stuff.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: I agree, man.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, if people have been intrigued which I know they will and they want to learn more about Darren Mitchell, they want to learn more about you personally.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: They want to learn about your business.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: They want to learn about your podcast.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe they want to hire you as a coach or a sales trainer.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: Tell me what's the best way we can make you easy to find.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you, casey.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Best way is the world famous LinkedIn.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: It is the world's biggest networking platform, run off the same search engine as Google, pretty much so if you just go into LinkedIn and either search for Darren Mitchell or put in sales leadership coach, that will come up with me, happy to connect on LinkedIn.
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: My website's there, my podcast is there, but my website is exceptionalsalesleadercom.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: ExceptionalSalesLeadercom.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: We'll make sure that's linked in the show notes.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: We'll'll make sure that's linked, uh, in the show notes.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: We'll make sure that your podcast is linked in the show notes.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: Um, darren, it's now time, uh, to go into what I call the lightning round, which is I'm going to show you, I'm going to show you the negative hits.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Have taken too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my job is to try to make you laugh.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, I want to get, get.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: Get get your game face on Cause, then I don't want to start laughing.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, true or false.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: When you came to Vegas, it was because you were the lead dancer in Thunder Down Under.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: I'd like to say.
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: I'd like to say, uh, true, but it's actually false.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: Me dancing mate, like that would be the quickest way to get rid of all the people in the auditorium.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: See I, I have issues.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't know how this stuff gets in my head.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: I really there's a doctor that can come see I have issues.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: Oh God, I don't know how this stuff gets in my head.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: I really there's a doctor that can come see me.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: I have mental problems.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, um, tell me your favorite book.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: Uh, you read in the last year, or maybe your favorite book you read?
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: Uh favorite book Laters, ate last, it's all the same.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: Here we go.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: Uh, favorite comedy movie is Comedy movie Blazing Saddles.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, so good.
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: I don't think it would survive in this day and age.
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: But oh my God, that's so many good one-liners in that movie.
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: And shortly quickly behind.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: That is Flying High.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, there we go, there we go.
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: Um, if you and your wife are going to go on vacation right now, just you two.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: No, sorry girls, you're staying home, but mom and dad are going on vacation.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: Tell me where you're going uh vietnam okay, if, um, I came to your house for dinner tonight I took the fastest plane ever and I can make it in time for dinner tell me what we would have tonight right, you would be having some beautiful australian beef on the barbecue um accompanied by some beautiful beetroot salads, some roast potatoes and one of the finest bottles of shiraz you'd ever tasted that sounds really good that sounds good sounds really good.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: Um, if I went into your phone, yeah, what would be the one genre of music that might surprise your daughters you listen to it might surprise my daughters.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: Uh well, taylor swift, I don't know.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's a genre, but when we get in the car together, that's the only thing that's on it.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: My choice, which is not a surprise to her, is Country with Darius Rucker, Luke Coombs.
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: True or false.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: Your podcast guest you're staring at can play Wagon Wheel on the guitar.
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: I would say true.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: I can Did I get that right.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: You do Yep, I can play it.
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the name of the book.
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: The Exceptional Sales Leader.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, You've got a good job.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, Now, Darren the Exceptional Sales Leader.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: It's one hell of a book.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: I've read it 10 times.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: It's so good.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: And now it's being broadcast everywhere.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: It's worldwide.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: Hollywood now has found it in Hollywood, California, and they want to make a movie here in the United States.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: But you are the casting director and I need to know who's going to star the sexy, strong, talented Darren Mitchell in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: I think the only person who could play it, and he may not have any acting background, but I think it might be a guy called Casey Jacobs.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Oh God, I thought you were going to say Crocodile Dendy, I'm like you can't pick the easy Australian.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: If Casey wasn't available.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: I reckon either a Mark Wahl or um somebody like that now, there you go a little tough, tough, tough boston guy.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, and last question and most important question tell me two words that would describe your wife caring and at ease.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: There we go lightning rounds over.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: We both laughed, we both laughed, we both had fun, but I learned a ton about you.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you for being a guest on the show.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: I want to remind everybody that, dad, you do not need a podcast to have conversations like these, you just need a phone.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: You need to make the conscious choice to be a little curious and phone a friend you haven't talked to in a while and don't just say hey, how things going Like really mean it, and ask second or third or fourth level questions and find out what's going on in their life and find out, maybe, how you can be a better friend.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: Or maybe your wife, how can you be a better husband this week?
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: Or to your kids, how can I be a better dad this week and truly mean it?
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: Uh, I got that question from a previous guest named Matt Miller.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Shout out to Maddie for listening, and he uh, it's a great measurable way for us to add.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: So if we want our kids to be coachable, we need to be coachable too and find ways to be better versions of ourselves.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: Um, I want to thank every dad who continues to listen.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: Um, if this episode has touched you or meant something to you.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: In a way, you know the biggest gift you can, you can do for us here the show is just share it with someone else.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: If you're not taking time to leave a review on the Apple store or Spotify, wherever you consume your podcast, please go ahead and do that.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: That would mean a lot to us as well.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: But, darren, thank you again for your time.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: Brother Appreciate you and I'm glad our paths have crossed and I hope to one day meet you in person.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: That'd be fantastic.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys, it's been an absolute pleasure.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: Mate, Stay well and all the best.