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Your Podcast Needs a Book More Than Another Reel · Your Mic

• 0:00
  The book you keep saying you want to write and that you're going to write is not waiting on more talent.
• 0:06
  It's waiting on you to stop being terrified of being seen.
• 0:10
  My friend Lolita Guarine coaches nonfiction writers through the messy part.
• 0:14
  The fear, the family baggage, the blank page, and the lie that publishing a book has to cost a fortune or eat up your whole life.
• 0:23
  If you've got a story, expertise, or a business that deserves more than another disposable post, this episode is for you.
• 0:30
  And yes, she's bringing this conversation to illuminate.
• 0:34
  October 3rd at the Health Museum in Houston.
• 0:36
  We've got a link to the event in the show notes.
• 0:39
  In the meantime, here's my conversation with Lolita.
• 0:45
  Lolita, what do most people get wrong about wanting to write a book?
• 0:51
  They think it's very complicated and they're not going to make it.
• 0:55
  Really?
• 0:56
  Too complicated?
• 0:57
  I think people give up too easily.
• 1:02
  Because if you already have an idea, that means there is a desire in you.
• 1:05
  It's just an idea.
• 1:07
  It's an idea, but you can flush out any idea.
• 1:10
  Yeah.
• 1:11
  Like it comes to stories, you can make a whole paragraph about how you sit in traffic.
• 1:17
  Or you can just write one sentence and say, I'm sitting in traffic.
• 1:20
  Yeah.
• 1:21
  The difference in what you're talking about is Freddie sat with his arms crossed and hadn't moved in 60 minutes.
• 1:29
  Little did he know there was an accident up ahead involving a pregnant woman.
• 1:34
  And now firefighters had to deliver the baby.
• 1:38
  And he remembered when he was delivering his baby and his sister.
• 1:42
  Right.
• 1:44
  Right.
• 1:44
  And then you can go into another, and that we should remember that sitting in traffic, not necessarily.
• 1:49
  And then we can go about the grief.
• 1:51
  We can talk about something else that become very non-fictional or could be a very fictional.
• 1:57
  How do you coach people into, into writing more than just, I was sitting in traffic or I have grief or I have trauma.
• 2:06
  How do you coax out all the emotions and feelings and stuff?
• 2:12
  It all has to do with being afraid to be seen.
• 2:15
  I think so.
• 2:18
  Yes, because if you will talk with someone who wants to write a book or they have a story or something, usually those people can come up with stories.
• 2:27
  Are they okay having a few drinks and telling what they think about that?
• 2:31
  And they have so much to say.
• 2:34
  But whatever you need to write this down, there is immediately the fear of judgment, what other people will say.
• 2:40
  Oh, feeling seen like, oh my God, I'm naked and everyone's going to watch.
• 2:48
  And you see, I work only with nonfiction writers.
• 2:52
  Gotcha.
• 2:53
  So there's a lot of vulnerability that needs to be seen.
• 2:56
  That they don't want to revisit or release to the public into the wild.
• 3:02
  And I think we can make a difference or impact someone when we are authentic.
• 3:11
  Yeah.
• 3:11
  And we are vulnerable.
• 3:13
  And we show our struggles.
• 3:15
  Basically, we show our guts.
• 3:17
  Well, but if somebody is afraid how their family is going to look at them, how their friends are going to look at them, they're afraid to show the guts.
• 3:24
  Yeah.
• 3:26
  What you're talking about, it reminds me of this conversation I had years ago for a different podcast.
• 3:31
  He's a famous entrepreneur.
• 3:34
  His name is Evan Carmichael.
• 3:36
  And he talks about showing the warts.
• 3:39
  And he...
• 3:41
  His mentality was, you know, everyone wants to show the highlight reel and nobody wants to show the warts or as some people would say, show how the sausage is made for fear of grossing everyone out or not grossing everyone out technically.
• 3:57
  But, oh, wow, I had no idea Freddie was going through that.
• 4:02
  One thing is a lot of writers are afraid how they're going to be seen by people what you just described, that somebody doesn't even know Freddie.
• 4:11
  And then they're going to judge you and whatever they read about you.
• 4:14
  But I think the majority of fear is coming from the people that know us.
• 4:20
  Especially if there are a lot of personal stories involved.
• 4:24
  Nobody wants to talk about their family.
• 4:26
  Oh, yeah.
• 4:27
  And about their friends or something because they immediately go into this wounded child.
• 4:33
  Oh, my gosh, I'm going to be punished.
• 4:35
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  Well, what if mom's going to go on page 44 and say, Lolita?
• 4:42
  What was this about?
• 4:44
  But it's that anticipation of mom going to page 44.
• 4:48
  And really, it might not even be that big a deal.
• 4:50
  Maybe it's page 77.
• 4:52
  You see, and here's, you know, when I just start coaching, and, you know, someone so many times, just they have one coaching session, and they really want to write the book.
• 5:01
  But, you know, after a few questions, I already can't tell what the main deal is.
• 5:06
  That they are afraid that the family going to read it.
• 5:10
  And then that inner child is going to get punished for how dare you.
• 5:15
  And I always tell them one thing.
• 5:17
  Nobody's going to read it.
• 5:21
  I can agree from personal experience.
• 5:23
  Nobody will read your damn book.
• 5:27
  And why?
• 5:28
  It's not like you suck.
• 5:30
  I don't say nobody also, just to be clear.
• 5:32
  Yes, yes, yes.
• 5:33
  But let's just talk about those family members that you're afraid that they're going to read it.
• 5:38
  Those that really mean a lot to you or you're afraid of judgment and being punished.
• 5:42
  And we know that childhood trauma thing.
• 5:45
  They are afraid too, especially that has to do with the real stories.
• 5:52
  They're not going to read it, not because of you.
• 5:55
  You're going to be afraid even to open the book because of themselves.
• 6:02
  Oh, that's interesting you hit on that because I was going to say nobody, nobody you're concerned about wants to read your book because they're all self-absorbed with their life.
• 6:13
  They've got their own stuff going on.
• 6:16
  They've got their own job.
• 6:17
  They've got a family.
• 6:18
  They've got kids, a spouse, a girlfriend or whoever.
• 6:22
  And they've just got their life to live.
• 6:24
  Maybe they don't even want to read a book.
• 6:27
  I love books and I know a lot of people who don't.
• 6:32
  And, you know, let's go back to the same.
• 6:35
  Why would they be afraid to read your book?
• 6:37
  Because if there's a real story there, let's just face it.
• 6:40
  A lot of people, we afraid how we're going to be seen.
• 6:44
  So they are afraid to read about the version of themselves that they don't like.
• 6:49
  Mm hmm.
• 6:50
  So they will be afraid even to see what do you think about them or how you presented them for the rest of the world.
• 6:56
  I had no idea, Lolita, this whole time that you held on to that one thing is basically what you're saying the people are going to think.
• 7:09
  And that's, am I interpreting that correctly?
• 7:13
  They will be afraid to read about themselves.
• 7:15
  Right.
• 7:15
  Right.
• 7:16
  Right.
• 7:16
  It's because, oh, well, I know.
• 7:19
  They don't want to be like, oh, oh, Lolita thought that.
• 7:23
  Oh, yeah.
• 7:26
  Because there's a lot of responsibility that has come with that.
• 7:29
  Yeah.
• 7:29
  This means somebody who's really going to read your book, let's say your close friends or your family member, they have to be very open-minded, very courageous to look at themselves and not be wounded.
• 7:40
  Yeah.
• 7:41
  Of thinking, you know, I really want to see what Freddie has to say about this, what happened to us.
• 7:46
  And they can read it and say, you know what, Freddie, you were right.
• 7:49
  I didn't do good here.
• 7:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:52
  That takes very strong character to be open, to see how much wounding they're going to take, if they're going to really read into something that somebody else wrote about them.
• 8:05
  Yeah.
• 8:07
  Especially if it was over something and there was never any closure.
• 8:12
  Not even a simple sorry.
• 8:16
  So, and that's the guts.
• 8:18
  Yeah.
• 8:18
  Those are the guts that we're afraid to show.
• 8:21
  But, and here's, there's another thing that I love what you also mentioned.
• 8:26
  A lot of people don't want to write, read books.
• 8:28
  But also, you know, when I coach my clients, I always say, you have to write a book with the ending in mind.
• 8:34
  Why are you writing this and who is your audience?
• 8:37
  And many times I'm dealing with someone who wants to coach a program, write memberships and, you know, podcasts and stuff like that.
• 8:45
  And, you know, your family members and your closest friends, they're not your audience.
• 8:51
  No, they're not.
• 8:51
  They're not your clients.
• 8:52
  So why would they be reading that?
• 8:53
  Very likely that they are not.
• 8:55
  Like, I would say more than 90% chance they are not.
• 9:00
  We would say your ideal customer profile.
• 9:03
  They're just not.
• 9:04
  And that's okay.
• 9:07
  Yeah.
• 9:09
  And, you know, when you think about it, anyone that you read a book, when you pick up that book that you wanted to read, did you tell yourself, oh, you know, this guy that wrote this book is probably, you know, some schmuck that I'm wasting my time reading it.
• 9:24
  never the same like if we see people on the stage and they you know they have no matter how sucky presentation they're going to do we already look at those people as an authority in the room because they had enough guts to show the guts enough guts to show the guts you know before we started recording lolita we were talking about we're talking
• 9:46
  We're talking about people that use the lav mics as a handheld mic.
• 9:50
  And I was telling you how I just kind of like, I just let go.
• 9:55
  I let go of whatever trivial rage I had in watching these videos.
• 10:00
  I'm like, you know what?
• 10:02
  Some of these people have millions of followers.
• 10:05
  And they're obviously way more successful than I am.
• 10:10
  So why is it bothering me so much?
• 10:13
  And so to your point, just let it go.
• 10:16
  And just get a pen.
• 10:19
  I prefer pen.
• 10:20
  You might prefer keyboard.
• 10:23
  But get a pen and just vomit the words out.
• 10:27
  Literally just bleed all over the page.
• 10:33
  I wrote the last book purely by dictating.
• 10:36
  I talk way faster than I type.
• 10:38
  But writing, like handwriting, it's a whole other flow state.
• 10:46
  I think everything is really channeled.
• 10:50
  When you get in your groove, no matter where it's coming from.
• 10:52
  Everyone has their own way to do things.
• 10:55
  Like, for example, English is my fifth language.
• 10:58
  It's not my native language.
• 11:00
  So probably in my own native Lithuanian, I probably can write...
• 11:04
  better sentences for sure and find more elaborated words.
• 11:08
  And I probably can write faster.
• 11:09
  But whatever I'm writing in English, I notice that whatever I write something, I already start questioning myself, is it correct?
• 11:18
  So then, you know, and then the spelling, you know, then I have to, I can't leave that, you know, spelling mistake.
• 11:24
  So I'm just going to go back and retype it.
• 11:25
  And then, by the end of a sentence, I'm like, okay, I already lost the flow.
• 11:30
  So when I discovered that I just can't,
• 11:32
  dictate it took care of all the spelling mistakes at least the page doesn't look all red and asks for my attention right away and i was just more in the flow and i already know what i want to say so i just kind of like i'm talking to you now and just dictating the stuff and then go back to that later okay because this is going to sound like a nerd out question because i'm fascinated now
• 11:55
  Obviously, I just told you, I write, you know, I type slow and I write slower, but it's a whole other level of flow.
• 12:03
  But it seems like you can get into flow state by dictating a book, too.
• 12:07
  So from a technical standpoint, someone wants to dictate their first book and they're going to say, well, Lolita.
• 12:14
  Sure, it's great that you're going to dictate, but what about typos?
• 12:19
  What about, you know, how do you, when you misspeak and then you say, like, let's just give an example.
• 12:28
  In 1975, I was born.
• 12:29
  Oh, wait, no, it wasn't 1975.
• 12:30
  It was 1976.
• 12:31
  No, wait, I was born in 1975.
• 12:37
  How do you correct all that?
• 12:39
  Well, then you go back and you delete.
• 12:42
  It's not like in stone.
• 12:44
  It's not like you're hatching in stone.
• 12:46
  This is also not typing on the paper.
• 12:49
  When you're used to, with the typing machine, you make a mistake and you have to write it out.
• 12:54
  No, that's not the case.
• 12:55
  You still need to read what you wrote and you need to work on it.
• 12:59
  You mean you can't just like dictate a book and just publish the first draft?
• 13:03
  I mean, I mean, you could, but you don't, you can't please don't.
• 13:09
  Yeah.
• 13:10
  Okay.
• 13:10
  I want to go back to who is the person?
• 13:13
  This could be male, female, younger, older, middle-aged, elderly, twenties, thirties, whatever, generationally speaking, who is the person that is most likely to be like, eh, no, I don't want to show the guts.
• 13:30
  Someone who has very serious childhood trauma and afraid to show themselves.
• 13:37
  And so this is just across genders, demographics?
• 13:41
  Right.
• 13:41
  I am talking about maturity level here.
• 13:44
  And somebody could be a woman or a man.
• 13:46
  You know, how many people do we know that they're in their 20s, but they think very maturely and they're emotionally mature and they can handle things and they're driven and they can deliver.
• 13:59
  And how many are in their 60s and they're like still afraid what their mom going to tell them about how they look?
• 14:05
  Hmm.
• 14:07
  I think it's a state of mind, really.
• 14:09
  I a thousand percent agree with you now that you put it like that.
• 14:13
  But do you find do you find a certain type of person that is most likely based on your experience?
• 14:21
  Like, is it older men, older women, middle aged women, middle aged men or that are that are actually willing to put themselves out there?
• 14:31
  Well, so if we're talking only about writing books.
• 14:35
  Yeah, writing books, putting themselves out there.
• 14:37
  I think the prerequisite is if the person is creative.
• 14:41
  So this has nothing to do with age, gender, whatever.
• 14:45
  No, like for example, let's just say, and again, I'm very generalizing here, but like someone who's an engineer.
• 14:52
  They're very math-driven and very organized and things.
• 14:56
  And then you ask them to write an email, they're like, they're not going to even do.
• 15:00
  So-
• 15:01
  You know, not everybody can be, let's say, a math person, and not everybody can be a writer.
• 15:05
  Like, for example, I suck at math.
• 15:07
  You know, I always did.
• 15:08
  But I'm great at writing.
• 15:10
  Yeah, me too.
• 15:11
  I'm terrible with numbers.
• 15:13
  Yes.
• 15:14
  Okay.
• 15:14
  All right.
• 15:15
  Well, we are looking forward to having you at Illuminate.
• 15:20
  At the time of this recording, it is early September.
• 15:24
  And we're less than a month out.
• 15:28
  And so this is some of the stuff that you're going to be covering in your talk with people who maybe are on the fence with writing a book.
• 15:37
  You know, what I've seen when I start telling someone that how many books I published and self-published really, I hear the same surprise, especially those that never wrote a book or published.
• 15:50
  They think that it costs so much money to do that.
• 15:54
  And they think that it also can be very...
• 15:58
  time consuming.
• 16:00
  But what has to do with those people that I just love and I'm so honored to be the part of this amazing Illuminate, I'm already see that so many people are going to come there.
• 16:11
  They are content creators.
• 16:13
  They already have so much, the charisma, the creativity that we're talking about.
• 16:18
  They're not afraid to show their guts.
• 16:20
  They are the driven people that are already putting themselves out there.
• 16:24
  And...
• 16:26
  And my message is like, you probably already have quite a few books in your pocket.
• 16:31
  You just think it's going to take so much money or effort or time to actually bring a book because you've never done it before.
• 16:39
  So you think it's super complicated and it's not.
• 16:42
  illuminate is the place where you want to go to learn more about what Lolita is doing and how she coaches clients.
• 16:50
  One last message for somebody who wants to write a book, but just doesn't know, like they've got the cost down.
• 16:57
  They're willing, you know, that's not an issue.
• 17:00
  The issue is they're on the fence.
• 17:02
  They're maybe 49 51 and showing the guts.
• 17:05
  They're almost there.
• 17:07
  They're almost there.
• 17:08
  They're willing to do it.
• 17:10
  What do you tell them?
• 17:12
  Well, I will tell them, imagine 20 years from now, you did not write that book.
• 17:16
  When you're going to look back, what do you think?
• 17:19
  Love it.
• 17:20
  I'm going to put a link to the Illuminate conference for creators inside the show notes.
• 17:27
  I'm not going to compete with Lolita, so I'm going to put her code in there.
• 17:32
  Use Lolita at checkout.
• 17:33
  And you're going to get that link in the show notes and in the description.
• 17:37
  And thank you so much for being a part of your mic and being a part of our event.
• 17:43
  I cannot wait to be there.