Latest / Stoic Philosophy / Why Gripping Harder Pushes Your Life Further Away

Transcript

Why Gripping Harder Pushes Your Life Further Away · Stoic Philosophy

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: There is something you have chased before, A job, a relationship,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: a version of your life that felt like it was
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: always one more effort away, and the harder you pushed,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: the more it seemed to pull back, like sand slipping
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: through a fist you were squeezing too tight. That is
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: not a coincidence. That is a pattern, and the Stoics
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: mapped it two thousand years ago. This episode is about
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: one of the most counterintuitive ideas in all of Stoic philosophy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Not the idea that you should accept suffering, not the
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: idea that emotions are weakness. Those are distortions of the tradition.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: The actual idea is sharper and stranger than either of those.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: But the anxious pursuit of what you want is often
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: the very force that pushes it further away, and that
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: the path toward it runs directly through something most people
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: in the modern world have been trained to fear stillness, calm,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: letting go. There is something in this material that genuinely
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: stopped me when I first worked through it. Marcus Aurelius
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: ran an empire under constant military pressure, and his private
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: journals are not filled with urgency or aggressive strategy. They
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: are filled with the discipline of releasing what he could
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: not control. That gap between what we expect a leader's
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: inner life to look like and what his actually was
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: changes the whole frame of what it means to be effective.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: What the stoics understood and what most of us are
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: never taught is that calm is not the opposite of action.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: It is the condition that makes real action possible, and
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: learning the difference between those two things might be the
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: most practical thing you do this week. Picture a specific morning.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: The alarm goes off before six. You are already reaching
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: for your phone before your feet hit the floor. Three
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: minutes in. Your jaw is tight, your shoulders have moved
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: up half an inch without you noticing. You have already
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: mentally rehearsed two conversations that have not happened yet, planned
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: the response to an email that has not arrived, and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: felt a low grade frustration about a problem that may
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: not materialize today at all, and you have not even
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: had coffee. Most people would call this being prepared, being
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: on top of things. Your first instinct is that this
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: internal noise is just the cost of caring, the price
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: of ambition. You push through it. You add another podcast,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: another motivational playlist. Another hour of planning, the list gets longer,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: the tension in your neck gets deeper, and somehow the
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: thing you most want, the deal, the relationship, the calm
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: you keep promising yourself for later, stays exactly where it was,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: just out of reach. But here is the problem with
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: that response. You are confusing motion with direction. You are
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: confusing urgency with effectiveness. Epictetus, who was born a slave
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and who had every external reason to feel powerless, drew
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: a line in the second century that most people still
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: do not know how to draw. He said, not everything
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that happens to you is yours to fix. Some things
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: are inside your control, your interpretations, your intentions, your chosen responses,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: everything else other people's decisions, outcomes, timing luck belongs to
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: a different category entirely. And when you treat the second
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: category as if it belongs to the first, you are
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: not being disciplined. You are burning energy on a fire
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: you cannot feed. Here is what that actually looks like
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: in the body. Think about the last time you were
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: waiting for an answer that mattered to you, a message,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: a decision, a result. Your muscles did not stay neutral.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Tensions stored itself in your shoulders, your jaw, the base
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: of your neck. Your breathing shortened, your sleep fragmented. You
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: checked your phone more than you need it to. All
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: of that physiological weight was your system responding to something
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: it could not resolve, because the resolution was never in
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: your hands to begin with. The Stoics were not unaware
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: of desire. Marcus Aurelius wanted Rome to survive. Seneca wanted
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: to write work that would outlast him. Epictetus wanted his
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: students to live well and freely. The difference was not
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: the absence of desire. It was the refusal to let
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: desire collapse into desperate brasping. Seneca put it with the
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: precision of some one who had watched powerful people destroy themselves,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: chasing what they already had. Whoever suffers before it is necessary,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: suffers more than is necessary. The suffering he was naming
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: was not grief or genuine hardship. It was the preemptive
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: anguish of rehearsing failure before anything has actually gone wrong.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: That is the loop most people are living in right now,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: forcing exhausting wondering why the thing they are pursuing keeps retreating,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: and the frustrating paradoxical answer. The Stoic's offer is not
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: to try harder. It is to understand what trying is
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: actually for and what it cannot do. Because there is
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: a version of effort that clarifies and opens, and there
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: is a version that constricts and closes, and almost no
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: one teaches you the difference until you have already spent
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: years in the wrong one. What changes when you finally
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: stop gripping so hard? That is where this goes next.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: That Louke, you just noticed, the one where effort tips
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: into desperation is exactly where the Stoics planted their flag,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: not after the outcome arrived, right there in the middle
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: of the striving Marcus Aurelius did not discover this principle
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: in a moment of triumph. He wrote it during military campaigns,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: in a tent surrounded by decisions that could not wait.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: The obstacle is the way, he said. But here is
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the part most people skip. He was not talking about
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: pushing harder. He was talking about redirecting attention. The obstacle
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: does not become the way by forcing it open. It
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: becomes the way when you stop treating it as something
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: that should not exist. That is a very different kind
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: of effort. Epititis drew the line with unusual precision. On
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: one side, your judgments, your intentions, the effort you bring
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: to each action. On the other side, outcomes other people's
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: responses timing circumstances. He called the first category yours. He
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: called the second category not yours, not beyond your reach, temporarily, structurally, permanently,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: categorically not yours. Most people react by fighting that second category. Anyway,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Your first instinct when something resists is to press harder,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: check more often, adjust the approach, then adjust it again.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: That response feels like agency, It feels like you are
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: not giving up. But here is the problem with that response.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Every ounce of energy spent controlling what was never in
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: your category drains the reserves you need for what actually is.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: You arrive to the things you can shape, Your clarity,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: your quality of attention, your decisions already depleted. You bring
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: exhausted hands to the work that required steady ones. The
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: stoics understood the exhaustion was not a side effect. It
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: was the mechanism of defeat. Seneca made an observation that
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: still lands hard across two thousand years. He said, whoever
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Sit with that. The suffering multiplies when it arrives early,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: because it compounds with every imagined version of the problem
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: before the actual version appears. You feel the loss before
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: it happens. Then you feel it when it happens. Then
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you spend energy recovering from both rounds. The shift happens
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: when you realize those were the same energy reserves you
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: needed to actually respond well. Seneca was not suggesting you
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: stop caring. He was pointing at a specific mistake, treating
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: imagined catastrophe as though it already happened. When someone does
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: not reply to a message, the jaw tightens, the mind
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: runs through reasons, outcomes what it means. That is not preparation,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: that is rehearsal for a performance that may never come.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Marcus Aurelius had a practice for exactly this. Before wanting
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: something to arrive, he would ask what his life would
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: look like if it never did, not to become indifferent,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: but to confirm he was chasing the thing from desire
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: rather than from panic. If the honest answer was that
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: his life would still hold meaning, then the wanting was allowed.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: If the honest answer was that he would collapse without it.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: That was information. It meant the attachment had already become
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: the problem. The tranquility comes, he wrote, when you stop
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: trying to control what cannot be controlled. That sentence has
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a direction to it that is easy to miss. It
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: does not say tranquility comes after you accept defeat. It
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: says tranquility is what becomes available when you stop spending
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: attention in the wrong column. What this looks like in
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: practice is narrower and more specific than it sounds. Imagine
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: walking into a conversation you need to go well. Your
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: shoulders are already raised, your breathing is shorter than usual.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: You arrived thinking about the outcome, whether they will agree,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: whether you will be heard, whether the relationship will shift
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: the way you hope. All of that is in the
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: second column. None of it is yours to control. The
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: stoic move is not to pretend you do not care.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: It is to do one small thing before the door opens.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Shoulders down, jar loose, three slow breaths. Not as a
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: ritual of hope, as a physical rerouting. You are moving
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: your attention from the column that does not belong to
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: you back into the one that does. How you show
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: up what you actually say, the quality of listening you bring.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: That is the practical application of Epictetus's line, not as philosophy,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: as a twenty second intervention before you walk through a door.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: The same logic applies to messages waiting for a response.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: The phone is checked, then checked again, because the mind
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: believes attention creates outcomes. It does not. What checking does
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: is confirm the absence of control, while costing focus that
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: could go elsewhere. The stoic instruction is exact, put the
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: phone face down, return to what is in your column.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Let the reply come or not on its own schedule.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Not because outcomes do not matter, because your attention is
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: too valuable to spend confirming you do not control them.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: One small exercise carries the full weight of this Pick
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: one expectation you are currently holding to day. Not a
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: major life decision, a small one, A time line, a reply,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: a response you have been waiting for. Ask yourself honestly,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: if this does not arrive, what is the actual consequence.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: If the answer is that life continues, you already have
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: the evidence. The grit is optional. Practice releasing it once.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: See what the energy does when it has nowhere Anxious
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: to go. Seneca's phrase works here too. You are not
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: releasing the desire. You are releasing the pre suffering that
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: multiplies the cost before the outcome exists. Now for the
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: part that will feel like an objection because it is one.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Releasing control sounds like passivity. And you have probably been
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: told directly or by example that the way to earn
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: results is through pressure. More pressure means more commitment, More
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: commitment means more deserving. So releasing feels like you You are
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: removing yourself from the equation, like you are handing the
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: outcome to chance and sitting back to wait. That logic
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: feels right until you look closer. The Stoics never argued
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: against action. Marcus Aurelius ran an empire, Epictitis taught tirelessly
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: from a school he built in exile. Seneca wrote until
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: he died. None of them were sitting quietly hoping things
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: would resolve. What they argued against was the specific confusion
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: between action and desperation, doing things from fear of the
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: absence versus doing things because the action itself was good.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: That distinction is not philosophical decoration. It is mechanically different.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Effort from clarity has a different quality than effort from panic.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: The decisions made under panic narrow the field of view.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: They optimized for the one feared outcome instead of the
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: full landscape. The decisions made from calm can see the landscape.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Notice the window that opened when the door closed. The
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: stoic correction is not to stop moving, It is to
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: check the engine before you accelerate. Ask am I doing
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: this because it is the right action, or because I
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: am afraid of what happens if I do not. If
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: the answer is fear, you are in the wrong column.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Return to what is yours first, then act. There is
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: a second objection that arrives quietly. It sounds like this.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: If I stop suffering over this, I am proving I
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: do not care enough. The suffering feels like proof of investment.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Letting it go feels like betrayal of the goal. Seneca
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: addressed this directly, though he would not have called it betrayal.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: He would have called it a category error. Emotional suffering
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: over what you cannot control is not investment. It is
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: spending from an account that has nothing to do with
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: the outcome. You can care enormously about something and still
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: refuse to carry it as weight in your body. Those
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: two things and not in conflict. One is about the
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: quality of your attention. The other is about where you
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: park your nervous system. The Stoic position is this. The
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: calm is not the absence of desire. It is the
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: form that desire takes when it has learned to operate
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: without panic. Here is what the previous sections established, the
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: grip titans. The thing moves farther away, the body logs
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: every attempt, the jaw holds the scool. But there is
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: a question that was planted earlier and has not fully closed,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: the distinction between releasing and not caring, between letting go
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: and giving up, between a hand that opens and a
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: hand that simply goes limp. That distinction is where the
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Stoics lived. Epictetus was a slave, not metaphorically. He was owned, controlled,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: and physically broken by a master who twisted his leg
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: to demonstrate that Epictetus could not stop him. According to
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: the historical account, Epictetus said calmly that the bone would break.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: It broke. He said nothing after. He was not indifferent
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: to pain. He was clear about what the pain could
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and could not touch. That clarity not the absence of feeling,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: but The precise location of what feeling can actually reach
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: is what the stoics meant by calm, not a spa,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: a coordinate system. Marcus Aurelius ran an empire while watching
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: his children die and his body deteriorate. He wrote the
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Meditations not as a philosophy book for posterity, but as
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: a private journal reminders to himself. On days when the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: weight of external demand was trying to drown his internal ground.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: He wrote, Tranquility comes when you stop trying to control
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: the uncontrollable. He wrote that while commanding legiance, the man
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: was not passive, he was structurally oriented. That is the
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: loop closing. Now. Calm is not the absence of desire.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Calm is the faun desire takes when it has learned
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: to operate without panic. It is what happens when effort
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: stops being performed for an invisible audience and starts being
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: directed by an internal compass. And here is the consequence
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: that matters most. The energy you broadcast when you are
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: not gripping is literally different, not as metaphor, not as
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: spiritual vocabulary, but as observable behavior. When someone enters a
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: room with a tight jaw and shallow breath, the room
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: weets it, doors close before anyone speaks, opportunities evaluate the
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: energy before the reason may. People sense the desperation and
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: back away from it instinctively, because desperation signals instability, and
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: instability is a cost nobody wants to absorb voluntarily. The
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: stoic who acts from calm is not less hungry. The
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: hunger is still there. What changed is that the hunger
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: no longer leaks through every interaction as a demand. Seneca
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: put it plainly, the wise person does not ask that
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: things happen as they wish, but wishes that things happen
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: as they must. That is not resignation. That is the
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: single most efficient use of human energy available. Stop spending
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: force trying to redirect the river. Learn the river move
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: with information instead of against resistance. The open hand image
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: from the beginning of this episode was not decorative. Sand
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: held in a closed fist compresses, heats and eventually escapes
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: through the gaps. Anyway, sand resting in an open palm
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: stays longer, and you can actually see what you have.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: The grip was never protecting the thing. The grip was
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: the problem. The thing was escaping from. Seneca also said,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: we do not have too little time. We lose much
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: of it. The person running at seven in the morning
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: with three podcasts stacked and a foam already hot in
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: their pocket is not making more time. They are spending
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: time on the performance of urgency. The calendar full of
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: urgency is not evidence of a valuable life. It is
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: evidence of a nervous system that was never taught that
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: stillness is also a form of action. One thing that
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: remains true across all of this. You do not need
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: to become a philosopher to use this. You need three
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: breaths before the difficult meeting. You need to put the
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: phone face down for one hour. You need to ask
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: once what would actually happen if this particular thing never arrived,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: and sit with the answer long enough to hear it clearly.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: If the answer is that you would survive and adapt,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: then the grip was never protecting you. It was performing
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: for you. And performances are expensive. Marcus Aurelius did not
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: write the meditations to be read. He wrote them to function.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Every entry was a recalibration, a man talking himself back
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: to center in real time, not because the center was
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: easy to hold, but because he knew the cost of
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: losing it. He lost it sometimes. He wrote about that too,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: that honesty is what makes the philosophy durable. It does
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: not promise that releasing control will feel natural. It promises
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: that the alternative, the grip, the performed urgency, the jaw
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: that holds everything the voice refuses to say, carries a
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: higher price. The price is invisible until it is not
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: until the body sends the invoice. The twelve lessons in
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: this episode resolved to one coordinate. Peace is not the
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: reward at the end of the effort. Peace is the
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: condition that makes the effort worth anything. Stress does not
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: open doors, It closes them before you arrive. The Stoics
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: were not teaching people to want less. They were teaching
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: people to want with more precision, more patience, and less noise.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Seneca's line lands differently now. After everything, whoever suffers before
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: it is necessary suffers more than necessary. The imagined catastrophe
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: plus the actual catastrophe equals double the cost. Most of
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: what people carry as weight has not happened, yet some
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: of it never will. The suffering is real, the cause
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: is invented. The calm is not a destination. It is
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: a practice that produces a different quality of attention, and
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: attention directed cleanly is the one thing that actually changes outcomes.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Let the hand open, see what stays. This show is
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: made by ober Media