Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / Most Call It Guarding Your Heart But I'm Calling It What It Is: Unforgiveness

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Most Call It Guarding Your Heart But I'm Calling It What It Is: Unforgiveness · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's way.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm back to creating content as you know.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yesterday I was, I think it was yesterday, maybe it was the day before.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was on Tuesday.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was creating some content for Instagram.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the content keeps centering on unforgiveness and how unforgiveness is bitterness, like is evident by bitterness that has taken root in our hearts against our husband or anyone else in the body for that matter, but specifically in marriage, because we're here talking about marriage, it's it's that bitterness that shows up where even though you've said you've forgiven your husband and you have, I'm not questioning whether or not you forgave your husband.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's 77 times seven, right?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's in one day.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so we need to realize that forgiveness of our husbands is not a one-time thing, it is something that we have to do on a daily basis because if we don't, the counterpart of that or the the other half of that is that bitterness begins to take root, right?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: When we are offended by something and we allow that offense to linger, to simmer, it becomes bitterness when it takes root in our hearts, and then that keeps us from the intimacy, not just with our husbands, but first and foremost foremost with the father.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if you ever feel like you God is far off or God is distant, right?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason for that.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's probably highlighting the fact that you have unforgiveness in your heart.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, buddy.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome home.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just finishing up the podcast.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You guys can have a snack and I'll be out in a little bit, okay?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, kids just got home.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I saw the bus go by.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it wasn't their bus.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, I've got a few minutes to record this episode because their bus hasn't gone by yet.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it was their bus.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Still learning here, guys, still learning, still getting into routine, but that's okay.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so as you guys have heard me say over and over and over again, self-protection and intimacy cannot coexist.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what happens when we have this root of bitterness in our heart that is actually revealing the deeper heinous nature of unforgiveness in our heart?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: We begin to guard ourselves because an offense tells us you got hurt, that hurt, I don't want that to happen again.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so we do whatever we can to keep ourselves safe.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, wives, I hear this daily, we'll call it, I'm just guarding my heart.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no, what you're actually doing is you're harboring unforgiveness in your heart, and it is robbing you first and foremost and foremost of intimacy with the father.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's overflowing into your relationship, your marriage with your husband.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus was really clear on this when he said, if you refuse to forgive your brother, God in heaven, who forgives, will refuse to forgive you.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's pretty heavy, right?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like unforgiveness is a big thing.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it it's not some little thing.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Of taking offense is not some little thing, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Both of these cause division and they disrupt unity.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And unity is the most important thing in the body of Christ.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Unity first and foremost with God the Father, because of God the Son, empowered by God the Spirit, and then that allows us to have unity with one another.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage is that profound mystery of Christ and his bride, the church.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage here on earth between husband and wife, to becoming one flesh, is reflective in nature of that.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is people love their offenses, they love to be offended and to hold them as pets, to feed them, to nurture them, to pet them, to show them to other people and be like, Isn't my offense so cute?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you agree with me?
• 4:47
  unknown: Right?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: We've all been there.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I hear it in wives who say, But you don't know what my husband did to me.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you only knew what he did, you would have more compassion on me.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there are so many things that wives say, and and I used to say them too.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to understand that when Jesus died on the cross, when he willingly gave his life for us, he turned to the Father and said, Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't just talking about the people present who crucified him, he was talking about all of humanity, all of us who God hands us, Jesus hands us his forgiveness, his his blood, his life, his body, and we hand him our brokenness, our sin, our lawlessness, our selfishness.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Man, so who are we?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, wife, who are we?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I am talking to myself on this at many points in my life where I was harboring unforgiveness because I had allowed bitterness to take root in my heart based on offenses that I chose to feed instead of to lay down at the cross.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who are we to refuse or to hold our husbands' offenses against us, right?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: The hurts that we've experienced by their hand.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now it doesn't make that right, not in any way, shape, or form.
• 6:26
  unknown: Right?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: What your husband did to you is not right, it is not godly, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is not justified.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it is sin, and all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but who are we to say, I will hold your hurts against you?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: But we call it guarding our heart, right?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: We call it setting boundaries, we call it, you know, making sure that doesn't happen again, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Which is actually a form of control, which is actually a deeper fear response.
• 7:00
  unknown: Right.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So who are we to to hold those things against them?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: We we are like the man that was forgiven the debt by the wealthy man, and then he immediately goes out and calls to account the other servant that owed him a few bucks.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was like 10 grand, but compared to his like it was like three million or something like that, and he has him thrown in jail.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's the picture of what we do as wives when we hold our husbands' offenses against them, over them, in the name of guarding our heart, putting in boundaries.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have boundaries, right?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is repentance, right?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: To create the space and the conditions for our husbands to repent.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you how you don't do that.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: You don't do that by holding their offenses against them, you do that by giving undeserved grace and mercy just as you received, just as Jesus gave to you first.
• 8:09
  unknown: Right?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if instead of his wives, we rejoiced in our sufferings because we know that Christ Himself suffered?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: That if we actually lived according to pure and godly conduct to win our husbands without a word, imagine what marriages would look like.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this is not to be confused with being a doormat.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: No, so you just don't understand yet the authority that you have as a wife, right?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not your authority, it's the authority you have in you because of Jesus.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's by the power of the Holy Spirit in you that you can speak truth boldly yet gently in love, because your heart is for restored relationship, first with the father and then with you, because you're able to see past the offenses and see the created son of the living God.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about Jesus, I'm talking about your husband.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so stay with me here, stay with me.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know this is a rough one to receive.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just talked about this in the high-level wife call this week, and I could tell by the look on the faces of the ladies that this is a hard one, this is a hard one because culturally, culturally, we function much differently than is painted in God's word.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: We do.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're offended and we take our offenses and we keep them and we show them, right?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like show and tell.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're really godly women, really good Christian women, Christian wives, we'll do it in a mask of godliness, but it's actually masquerading under the surface as wickedness and pride because we're holding it over our husbands.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no unity there, and that grieves the Holy Spirit.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Go read Ephesians.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're studying Ephesians in our Bible study in high-level wife right now, and we're we just finished up chapter four.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Go read it and ask yourself, wife, are you following the commandments that the Lord has already given you?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you holding on to your hurts and holding them against and over your husband?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You'll know if you are, because when your husband does something, there will be a gut reaction or response within you that tells more than any of your words ever could.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So my challenge for you is to go before the Lord and ask him to reveal any offense that has taken root and is now bitterness and unforgiveness against your husband.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Ask him to reveal that to you, and then go to your husband and ask for forgiveness and forgive him, and then examine yourself daily, get in a community of believers, followers of Christ, who will hold you accountable.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Who is holding you accountable?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the local ladies' wine club.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can assure you of that.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's not Netflix.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not your echo chamber of friends that you've had your whole life.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right, who where where is accountability coming from?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Who actually calls you out when you are out of line when it comes to your walk with the Lord?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you not allow anyone into that space because that's uncomfortable?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So my husband just pulled in the driveway.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, with that, I am going to say, I will see you on the next episode.