Latest / The You Project / #2032 Creating New Habits - Bobby Cappuccio

Transcript

#2032 Creating New Habits - Bobby Cappuccio · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I've got to add to them. It's taps, it's the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: You project, It's myself and Robert Capuccio, who rocks up
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: every Thursday at my joint. And when I say it
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: rocks up, I'm talking virtually rocks up and just appears
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: like a little body ferret out of a cage, although
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: that's not where ferret should be, a ferret out of
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: a tunnel in the ground, a virtual tunnel in the ground.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: There's a little bit of ferret about you, you know that,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: like in a loving way. You've got a bit of
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: ferret energy.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Are you saying you suspect they steal things?
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Is that what ferrets do?
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: They did they're incredible thieves. Apparently you could train them
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: to neck nearly anything.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Ah well, who knew? Are they? Is that something that
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: criminals do? They have ferrets that they train up gangs
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: of ferrets to just run in the streets nicking things
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: of value.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: According to my teaste in cinema, Yes, a long time ago,
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: like one hundred years ago, people had well trained ferrets.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to steal anything from yours. It's a sandwich.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I feel like the ferret's going to eat
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: the sandwich before you get that. But I feel like
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I could be hallucinating that. Somewhere back in the cognitive
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: archives is a recollection of a ferret that used to
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: steal money and bring it back to its owner. Like
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: quite a lot of money used to go into people's homes,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: steal passion, bring it pack. Is that possible or do
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I just make that up?
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I've only seen it in films, but yeah,
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: I'm sure if they're really well trained and they're good
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: at it, and they're kind of small, so you can't
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: really you know, it's not like they attract a lot
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: of attention to ferret, would they.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And imagine trying a fingerprint a ferret down at
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the police station. I mean, that's going to be tricky,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: isn't it. How are you going to do that? Like
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: it's going to get through the bars. You put him
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: in the cell or her in the cell, they're going
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: to be out at a minute.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: No apposable thumbs, Like where do they put the ink?
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: It's just it's a mess.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, imagine trying to handcuff that little fucker.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: That's why I so few frereks actually get prosecuted. You
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: never hear about that in the paper. It's just too difficult, spices.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: We'll just let them go. Hopefully they take that act
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: of grace and use it to change their thieving waste.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Well, everybody's just jumped out, how are you, bro? What
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: time is it over there? Where are you in San
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Diego at the moment?
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I mean San Diego? So what time is it? Right? Yeah,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: it's eighteen forty four.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So it's oh, it's in the PM. It's called it
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: to seven is for you. It's called it to one
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: ish also in the PM. But we are Thursday are
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Wednesday evening. We would chatting in the bat. We're chatting
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: a little bit before we went live about the idea
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: of something that I talked to about about people a lot.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Also something that's been an issue for me over the years,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: and something that I spoke about. I was going to say,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: yesterday wasn't yesterday, It was the day before. In I
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: was in Brisbane. I was talking to a room full
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: of lawyers out to my lawyer friends that I met
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: the other day, and we were talking about habits and
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: patterns of behavior and almost like this unconscious programming that
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: runs our life to an extent that may or may
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: not work, like the auto pilotleness of our existence or
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: the groundhog dayness of these repetitious thoughts and beliefs and
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: ideas and behaviors and results that kind of are not optimal.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So in that kind of whole wheelhouse of you know,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: like everyone who listens to this show, if not everyone,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: nearly everyone wants to think better, do better, create better,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Which is why people tune in is to figure out
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: how do I change my thinking and my habits and
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: my behaviors and my lifestyle and my results, and how
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: do I be a better version of me whatever that means,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: how do I succeed whatever success means for me individually?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: And you know, I guess trying to have enough self
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: awareness to recognize the stuff that you do that doesn't work, Like,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: what is the thing that I do that really is
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: hardwired into my normal operating system, that is, on a
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: level a form of self sabotage, you know. So an
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: obvious one for me was for about twenty years just
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: eating everything that wasn't fucking nailed down, despite the fact
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: that I didn't need more food. I just wanted more food.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I just ate more food. I just enjoyed more food,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: because I had, if not a food addiction, something in
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: the zip code of a food addiction, you know. But
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: you can't change what you can't acknowledge or you can't
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: own up to. Is this something that you talk to
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: people about. Is this something that you've had to navigate yourself?
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: And if so, how do you go about it?
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: I mean, this is a big part of what I
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: talk to people about, but it's also something that I've
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: had to utilize in my life frameworks. Guy, as you know,
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: So I have a whole model around this, and it's
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: you know, it's basically what you would find in any
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: habit model, except a couple of other elements that kind
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: of connect it to certain things that increase the probability
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: of starting and doing something until it becomes a sustainable behavior.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: I mean, with turettes, I'm easily distracted, you know, Like
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: my my attention span is kind of like a ferret.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: If you put that instead of training that ferret for
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: a life of crime, you put that ferret on cocaine,
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: which is also a very unethical thing to do to
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: a ferret. But my brain kind of works the way
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: a ferret on cocaine.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: That brain need.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: Work, so for me, if I don't have models, if
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: I don't have rituals, if I don't have intentionality, I'm
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: like completely all over the shop. So this is something
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: that's extremely important to me.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Do you think that the is the mind bear, it's
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: the main barrier to starting? Just the fact that it's hard,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: or it's uncomfortable, or it's unfamiliar, or it's uncertain.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Is it?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: That? Is it? Just because even though the thing, even
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: though I'm not producing the results I want to produce,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: even though I'm not in the health state that I
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: want to be in or the job or the income
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: or the whatever, I'm kind of familiar with it. So
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: there's a kind of an ease to it. Is that
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: part of the challenge?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would imagine that is part of the challenge.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: I was thinking, like the key to or the lock
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: on any type of transformation begins with awareness, and I
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: think it's a lack of self awareness. Why do I
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: even want to start this? What am I expecting? Am
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: I prepared for what it takes? Why do I even
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: do the habits that I want to break in the
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: first place? I think the first step is examining that
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: because that is your level of intentionality that'll teach you
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: a lot about your environment, the rewards you're seeking. I
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: also think we're not really aware of what it takes
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: to get started. Like bj Fok in Tiny Habits talks
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: about breaking it down to the most ridiculous. I think
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: for a lot of people, it's like, Okay, I got
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: to overhaul my entire life right now, and they're not
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: really contemplate. Okay, well, what do I have to sacrifice?
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: Am I prepared to sacrifice that? Where a tiny habit
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: would be.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I want to become an expert in this subject matter,
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: so I'm going to need to start to read and
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: study and explore. Sometimes a great place to start is
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: five minutes a day because just starting it's like, oh wow, okay, one,
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: I've proven to myself I can do it.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Two.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Once I start exploring something, I open that book, it's
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: almost like an open.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Loop in your brain.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: You ever have this experience where you just cannot start something,
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: but once you start it, you got to go on
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: the road and you got to go give a seminar somewhere,
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: And whilst you're on the road, you know, if you
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: didn't start, it would be out of your mind. But
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: because you already started it, but it's incomplete. It drives
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: you crazy a little bit, and just like you're thinking about, oh,
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: I can't wait to get back from being on the
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: road because I've got to complete this.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Does that happen to you that kind of like open
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: loop scenario?
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Sometimes sometimes I find also that the days that
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I am busier, I'm way more I'm way more efficient,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'm way more motivated, I'm way more productive. And I
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: know that sounds dumb, but what I mean is, like
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I was talking to you, Sam, Yeah, we're not full disclosure,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: but partial disclosure everyone. I've had a few challenges. My
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: dad's beene a bit crook, right, So anyway, I've been
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: up in more Well, which is four hours of driving
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: two hours each way. I was there all day yesterday,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: which is the place that I want to be, but
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I was in hospital with dad all day yesterday. And
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: so what that means is there's about fifty things that
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I didn't do yesterday that I should have done, right,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: And so that's cool, but obviously he's the priority, so
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: that it doesn't matter. But what that meant was last
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: night I got home and I think I did.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: About eight hours of things in three hours, and I
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: did it really quite easily, because in my mind it
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: is like, well, Craig, this is you don't you don't
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: have an option.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: You need to get this done. And it's like I think,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I give my like if I've got three things to
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: do today and it's not a busy day and there's
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: no real pressure, there's no deadline. I'm not recording a podcast,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing a gig, I'm not traveling anywhere. It
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: really doesn't matter. I'll look up it's three o'clock and
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I've done fucking nothing. Like people think I'm so busy
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm so efficient, and I'm not like I can be.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: But it's it's like almost this this subconscious knowing or
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: this conscious knowing. I don't have to be productive, so
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not. But it's like you know when you when
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I travel into state, like I said, day Monday, Tuesday,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: you know, plan strains, automobiles and presentations and meetings, and
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: you know I am so efficient and so organized in
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: that context, but there's this like almost subconscious part of
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: my brain where I don't need to be that today
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and I don't choose to be less productive. I just
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: am it's like I sabotage myself. But maybe maybe having
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: days where I'm less productive is actually what I need.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Who knows.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: It could be.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: I noticed that I'm far more productive when I'm in
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: perpetual motion. It could have something to do with dopamine,
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: because it's goal focused and there's all these things you
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: got to do, and every time you're completing something, you're
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: getting another head of dopamine. So you're producing dopamine, You're
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: activating the ventulustra atom.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: To anticipate reward.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Orbital frontal cortex is scanning your environment for other goal achieving,
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: you know, rather than tension relieving activities for that particular day.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: So I think it has a lot to.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Do with the dupaminergic system and just the overall momentum
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: in general. When I have a little bit of pressure
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: on me, And that also makes sense from a stress
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: hormone level, elev nor epanaphorin epinafferin you're just going to
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: be in a different state than if you're in first
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: gear for like twenty four hours, if you will.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I think also for me, there's the micro and the macro.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: The micro of my life is what I'm doing now
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: in this moment. I'm talking to Bobby in this moment
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: at twelve fifty three in Melbourne on a Thursday. Right now,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I've got a coffee here, I've got my computer in
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: front of me. You know, I know that we've got
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: about thirty minutes more to go. This is the micro,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: but the macro is well. I've got this company called
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: the You Project. We've got two thousand episodes of this
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: this podcast. I'm finishing my PhD. I've got parents who
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: are that, you know. And then there's like, what's I think?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Because there is the macro and the micro, so that
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: most of the time our head is in the microw
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: the micro the what am I doing now? What can
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I get now? What feels good now? What tastes good now?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: What's comfortable now? What can I avoid now and do later?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Like I wrote this thing the other day on social media,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: and it's just it's just a whiteboard thing and there's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: four words and the four words are tomorrow, soon, Monday,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: and January one. And the message is these are the
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: fourth most popular times to start any kind of personal transformation.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: So tomorrow, soon, Monday, January one. Interestingly, today doesn't make
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: the top ten You know, the funny thing is that, like,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: how many times have somebody said to you, hey, Bobby,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: how do I do this? Or you know, at the
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: risk of sounding cliche, I'm probably the single question I've
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: been asked most is essentially how do I get lean
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: or how do I get fit right? That's or a
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: version of that question. I've been asked a million different questions,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: brain questions, human behavior questions, but over the totality of
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: my career, it's from the eight and year old gym
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: instructor to now. And more than half of the time
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: when I tell people or I give them advice, you know,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I go, look, here are some things to think about.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: It's virtually never that they're going to start that today,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Like it's always thanks, you know, it's always going to
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: be soon or tomorrow or Monday or January one, but
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: it's never now. And it just interests me because the
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: issue is now, Like I have an issue now. I
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: don't have an issue next Monday. I have an issue now.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, we have an issue now, so start now.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: And you've got an answer now, or you've got at
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: least the very least you've got some direction, or you've
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: got a framework or you've got some kind of resource
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: or tool or strategy, so start now. And it's so
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: funny when I and I generally don't push people, but
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: every now and then I'm like, well, why wouldn't you
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: start this today? And you can just see people cognitively
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: scrambling for some kind of rationale Bobby, not today, because
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: fucking any day, but today, and then because every you know,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: we never live in any place but the present, so
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: it's always going to be sometime in the future that
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: place we never inhabit.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: I wonder if that has And by the way, I
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: have been exercising for my entire life and I have
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: run into the same Oh my goodness, you know what
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: I've eaten this today? Tomorrow I'm going to and it's like, dude, right,
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: what are you doing? It's like, so I do a
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: lot of the same things, although I'm really good at
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: starting back up and staying consistent for a while. Yeah,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: but I do have that pattern. And I wonder for
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: people if it goes back to that all or nothing
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: type of mentality, going back to bj fog where it's
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: almost like, hey, if you you could do one small
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: thing starting like today, now, what do you think would
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: be an accessible behavior that might support that health and
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: fitness goal of whatever it is that they said that
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: they were trying to do. And I know that I
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: was once attending this class on food science and this
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: medical doctor shoes brilliant, and what she had people do
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: was just eat whatever you're normally gonna eat, but just
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: pay attention to what it is, be mindful, and add
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: plants to it or add vegetables, just throw it on.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, that's very specific. That's like every single meal.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: There's no way to get that wrong. It's either I
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: did it or I didn't do it, so there's no ambiguity.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: Oh and I can start that today. And once they
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: start that at a very small level, they start to
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: shift their identity from someone who who doesn't do any
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: health and fitness supporting behaviors to someone who does. And
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: it's a lot easier jump making bigger and bigger commitments
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: from that because a lot of habits, you know, James
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Clear and Atomic Habits talks about this where it relates.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: To your identity.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: Like imagine you got cast as the leading role in
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: a major blockbuster film that they're producing, and you were
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: playing the role of a lead character who just engaged
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: in health and fitness type behaviors. Let's say you had
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: a job that was really demanding and because of that,
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: you had to elicit top peak levels of emotional, physical,
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: cognitive performance. What would that person eat? How often would
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: they go to the gym? Would they just like skip workouts?
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: Would they just be like eating sugar and ultra processed
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: foods every single day, every single meal?
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Like? What is that character? And where could you start?
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Because every time you engage in that behavior, that's could ruin.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: It's a vote for your identity of who you're becoming.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And that's that's kind.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: Of a powerful way to look at habit formation as well.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: But I think I think where the real magic is
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: is looking at what you.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Currently do that you want to stop doing.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: I think there's a lot of valuable information and we
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: just go to, oh, I don't want.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: To do this, I'd rather do this, but what we'll
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: come back.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: There's a lot to learn from what you're already doing
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: if you can look at it with some objectivity.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And I think and that is the that is the
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: ever present challenge, Like how do you look at your
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: own shit with objectivity? When everything that you look at
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: is the subjective looking is subjectively. You know your window,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: and I know what you're saying. I think part of
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: it is for me. And this is again, this is
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: This is not a recommendation or advice any on. This
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: is just my experience. So I needed to try to understand,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: for example, my relationship with food and understand the emotion
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: around food, and to start to you know, because we
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: are It doesn't matter how how logical we are, how
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: intelligent we are, how much we know you know the
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: research da da da da da da da. When humans
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: are emotional, generally, the emotion drives the behavior, not the
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: mind right or not the logic, not the rational part
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: of the brain. And so it's being able to say, listen,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I struggle with this particular issue, with this habit, with
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: this behavior, and it's it's quite emotionally driven, and it's
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: driven out of fear, or it's driven out of resentment,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: or it's driven out of anxiety, or it's whatever it is, right,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: or it's driven out of a need to be comfortable
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: in the moment. And so to try to turn down
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: the emotion, recognize the emotion, feel the emotion. We're not
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: denying how you feel, but trying to turn up the
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: logic and strategy, knowing that in a minute, you're going
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: to be five years older. Right, in a minute, bro,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: you're going to be five years older, and you're going
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: to be probably unless something changes. Because by the way,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: you've been having a version of this conversation since two
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: thousand and six. Right, So so if nothing changes, nothing changes,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: And being able to just like we would like, look
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: at a business project or a financial endeavor, or you know,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: some kind of strategic thing that we're in the middle of.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Imagine if we could take that analytical strategic thinking and
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: apply it to the project that is us or we
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: might even call it the U project, if there's a
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: name for a show. Right, But being being able to go, yeah,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I unless something changes based on my current trajectory in
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: the last ten years and my current trajectory in five
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: years or two years or five months, I'm going to
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: be in a shit place. So is that where I
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: want to be? No, and we're not talking about self loathing.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I always say this, we're talking about self awareness. Don't
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: beat yourself up, don't throw yourself under the metaphoric bus.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: We don't need that. That's not the point. You're not
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: a bad human. You're not terrible, you're not weak, you're
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: not shitouse, You're none of that. You're okay, you're human.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, this shit is not magic.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You won't magically get better, you won't magically get lean,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: you won't magically get rich, you won't magically become a
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: high performer, you won't magically build resilience. You need to
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: do the fucking things that create the outcomes you want.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: And will you like it some of it? No? Will
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: it be hard, fucking oath? Will it be fun? Probably
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: not at times? And is that okay? You know? For
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: me this is the like we can analyze and reanalyze
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: upside down inside out. But at the end of the day,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: you know, knowing matters, but doing matters the most. You know,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: it's for me. It's just that I think that also,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and I'll shut up after this, But I feel like
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: for a lot of people, Bobby, there's got to be
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: some internal shift, like something It shouldn't have to happen,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: because I think we have the capacity to do amazing things.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: But I like the times mostly where I've seen people
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: do fucking mind blowing incredible things like life changing. I
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: can't believe what they're doing and creating is often after
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: there's been a catastrophe or a near catastrophe now and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, there's a reset in their brain.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden, they have a totally different perspective,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: They're looking through a different window. Their values have just
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: been turned on their head, or at least their priorities
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: have been turned up. So, oh fuck, you know what
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: matters the most in my life is not dying.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Let me get.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Onto that, you know. So I think there's that, and
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I've seen that. You've probably seen it. I saw it
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: with my dad when he had his first heart attack.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Just the complete one eighty in thinking, in behavior, in
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: habits and lifestyle, in everything. And the dude who couldn't
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: lose two kilos for thirty years was overweight. That dude
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: lost twenty five kilos in five months and never regained
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: it because he had a reset. But the thing was
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: that ability to create this amazing transformation was always there.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is interesting. I observed a lot of that
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Joe nine to eleven in both through actions, like people
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: who became completely different, people live their life completely differently.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I experienced that you just remind mind people that, yeah,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: because a lot of people might not know you were
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: in the middle of that.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I lived. I lived at ground zero Joe,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: nine to eleven.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Like the World Trade Center came down on top of
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: my building. Like the whole place was just this dark
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: dust cloud. So I got I had the opposite.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: Happen to me.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I got very ill living in that toxic dust cloud.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: It was let's just say it was extremely unhealthy and
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: dangerous for people to be living down there. And I
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: started to notice a lot of things related to illness.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: And when I came out of that, I became so
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: much more relaxed with so many of my behaviors I
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: was I was told that prior to nine to eleven.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: I know, you can't imagine this, Craig, but I was
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: hard to be around. You know, people like you were
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: so uptight. I wouldn't eat anything.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't go out for a drink. I wouldn't I
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: wouldn't even just go to a film.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't do anything if it didn't have to do
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: with growth development and my career trajectory.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Nothing.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: And when all that stuff happened, well, I had this
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: thought like Okay, you're gonna you know you're gonna die someday,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: and you know, now you've been living in this place
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: for a while, that someday might be a lot closer
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: than you think. And I'm not going to go into
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: all of the details about why.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: I came to that conclusion. It's pretty sad.
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: A lot of people, again, their health was significantly impacted
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: living at ground zero, and I just started taking on
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: behaviors and living in the moment and behaving in ways
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: that prior to nine to eleven I never would have
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: engaged in, or I rarely would have engaged in. Then
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: I would have liked engaged in like self flagellation and
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: self loathing, and got back on track and not went
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: out and spoken to another person in a social setting
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: for another three years because I had to catch up
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: on work and studying. So I've seen that go in
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: both directions. I want to talk about something that I
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: was recently struggling with, and it's not it's not a
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: huge thing, but you know how you one thing is
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: out of alignment, and it throws so many other things
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: out of alignment and it becomes kind.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Of a big thing. So for me, it was late
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: late night snacking.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: Where I would just eat, you know, after dinner late
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: at night. And I'm not talking about necessarily really sugary,
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: fatty foods, you know, I would just you know, snack
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: on pistachio nuts or almonds or quote unquote healthy choices.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: But I noticed that I would go to bed and
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: feel like shit, and my stomach would heark because I'm
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: eating too late at night, and then I wouldn't sleep
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: very well. Then the next day I would wake up
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: and I'd be exhausted. So I'm not switched on, and
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: that further exacerbates my stress. So I started looking at
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: this talk about examining habits, like what's the information?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: And you know, my framework.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Is core habits, right Q observation, ritual, and enforce Like
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: what enforces that the reward there that perpetuates that behavior.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: And the first thing you look at is all of
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: your cues. So my fridge was a cue. Also I
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: was keeping stuff like nuts like on the counter. Cornell
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: University did the study and they found out that people
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: who kept food readily visible out like on counters in
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: the kitchen were on average anywhere from they weighed four
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: to thirteen kilos more than people who didn't who had
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: their food tucked away. So environmental cues, like what's going
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: on in my environment that's prompting this behavior?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: The second thing was like observation, you know what what
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: am I experiencing? So you take a look at external environment,
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: the cues, the observations more internal. What is happening at
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: the times where I'll reach for food late at night
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: and I noticed I'm feeling anxiety. I'm thinking about stuff
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: that happened during the day. I'm thinking about the next day.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: Even when I write that stuff out in a to
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: do list, you know, which does help. There was a
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: certain time period I was going through and it caused
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: me a lot of anxiety. So I'll just like reach,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: I'll just open up the fridge, or I'll go rummage
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: through all the bags. That's my ritual. And then the
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: last thing I took a look at is well, how
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: do I want to feel like I'm doing that for
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: a reward? Every behavior you have, even if it's like
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: smoking something that's quite damaging, there is a positive intention.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's to get relief, to get a break, to
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: feel like you have some locus of control. There's something
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: positive that you're after, like, what is that exactly?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, now, not maody smugs. Nobody smugs because
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: it makes them feel bad, Like the obviously in that
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: smoke is anyway that that process of sucking on that
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: dot in the moment anyway it makes them feel good
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: or they wouldn't do it. Yeah, so I totally agree.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: Or at one time it made them feel good, and
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: maybe they're chasing that benefit. So I started to realize
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: that what I was looking for is relief. It wasn't
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: even comfort, it was a relief from this constant anxiety.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: And I also noticed that another thing in my environment
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: that provoked this behavior was when my wife was home.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: So she's not at home, I don't do that as readily.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, why is that really? Not
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: blaming amy, but it's like, oh, because when I'm anxious,
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: the last thing I want to do is have that
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: anxiety bleed into all the stuff that she's got going on.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: So I was like, all right, let me just sit
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: here and nibble on a whole bag of something. You
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: know how that goes. And then once I understood what
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: provokes the behavior, what I'm feeling when I engage in
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: the behavior and how I'm really trying to feel well.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Now there's all these replacement behaviors. So I spoke to
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Amy elicited her social support is a critical element of
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: either habit cessation or positive habit formation. And we just
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: started going out for walks every night and not talking
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: about the stuff that was giving me anxiety, just talking
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: about anything, and that walk gave me the same feeling
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: with Amy next to me, which gave me a much
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: better feeling than sitting in my house and ruminating. I
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: was like, oh wow, that's a great replacement behavior. And
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: after a while that became the habit without even thinking
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: about it.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: It was just automated.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: After dinner we would go for a walk, which is
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: a really good idea to do anyway after a meal.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: And there was just so many things that fell into place.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: I was getting what I wanted from a behavior that
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: was constructive and not working against me.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: What about I love what you're saying. What about people
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: who need to change your habit and maybe they've got
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: a habit that really is on some level controlling then
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: rather than the other way. And I'm not necessarily talking
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: about let's just put aside the big ones at the moment.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Let's put aside booze and drugs and addiction, but it's
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: like the more kind of mundane stuff. And of course
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: all of that matters, but for the moment, just things
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: that we do that are somewhat ineffective or potentially a
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: little bit self destructive, or at the very least, we're
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: just wasting our talent and time, you know, based on
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: who and how we want to be. And we have
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: this cycle of which I think is nearly all of.
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: Us starting and stopping. Start, lose motivation, lose focus or whatever.
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: Something happens, hurt my back or get busy at work,
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: or get distracted, or fall in love, fall out of love.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Oh fuck that thing I started and I did for
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: three weeks six months ago. I better do that, but
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: this time, fuck, I meant this time, now, this is
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: the time. And then it lasts for two and a
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: half and then we wake up and now we're sixty.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: How do how do we outlast our motivation? How do
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: we how do we be the you know, and I
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: know there's no single answer to this. This is conversation starter,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: but and I've got some ideas on it, but like,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: what's your go to? Because so many people that you
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: and I work with and talk to, and so many
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: of our listeners on some level. And I don't know
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: if you've done it, but I guess you've done it.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I've definitely done it. Where there are things that I
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: literally tried to change some things fucking sixty times before
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I actually got it across the line. You know. Like
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: I've said many times, I had really unhealthy eating habits
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: till I was about thirty five now, and I was
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: working in the health space for seventeen years up to that, right,
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: So I was simultaneously telling people how to eat or
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: giving people advice that I wasn't executing myself. I was
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent a fraud, not trying to be but
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: a fraud in the sense that I was not doing people.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I was not doing things that I was advising people
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: to do. And it wasn't I wasn't trying to be bad.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I wasn't, but it just took me so long to
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: get my own shit together, you know. And by that
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I mean the when nobody's looking stuff. When people were looking,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I was amazing, of course, because that's my ego, right,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: But when people weren't looking, I was eating everything that
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: was not nailed down, and then I would then I
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: would train and live and eat like an elite athlete
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: for two weeks, and then I'd go on a one
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: week bend or an ice cream and fucking cheesecake, put
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: on six kilos in a week, and you know, and
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: still all the time having enough knowledge and awareness, but
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: still not doing it. What are your thoughts around that,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: because it's it's so easy to sit on a podcast
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: and about the theory of change, but at the call fights,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: at the miss emotional psychological behavior call fights and change,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: it's wayh.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's absolutely true.
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: And I think one thing that's important to remember is
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: everybody struggles with this stuff. You know, some people claim
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: they don't put they're liars, And I think the you
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: need you need a system. Right, everything that we do
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: habitually consistently, we are either leveraging a system or we
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: had a system originally. So you will rise or fall
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: to the level of your systems or I like to
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: call them frameworks. Let's go back to the core framework, right,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: cor in habit formation rather than habit cessation. First step
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: is getting very very clear, like you said, something that
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: we can all relate to you just feel like, oh,
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: I'm just wasting my potential all day long. Okay, that
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: is an interpretation. What exactly is happening? Like, what is
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: the behavior that you're engaging in? Because if you don't
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: get down to like, okay, wasting your potential doing what
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: by just like not being born smarter? Is there something
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: that you do that you should be doing something else?
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: Is there something you do that kind of puts you
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: in this state or sucks your time with no real benefit.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: Like let's talk about doom scrolling for a second. Now,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: how many of us have done stuff like that where
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: you're just posting something, You look at one thing, it's
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: like oh wow, okay, and the next thing, and the
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: next thing and the next thing, and then whatever you're
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: looking at, whatever you draw your attention to, the algorithm
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: figures it out. So now it's just gonna feed you
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: that stuff. So if you're living in high anxiety and
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: you know it's gonna feed you fear based stuff. If
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: you love cats, you're gonna watch cat videos all day long.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: So oh, it's this doom scrolling thing. And it's not
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: the doom scrolling, it's how often and how long I
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: do it for? I would say the first step is
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: just being aware of that, like how many times a
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: day are you doom scrolling? Like how long? And what
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: creates that? Like, there's got to be a queue for
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: the behavior. So Wendy Woods at University of Southern California,
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: she estimates in her research that over forty percent of
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: the things we do in.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: A day are not intentional.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: It's not like I'm going to sit down and waste
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: ninety minutes by scrolling through utter nonsense on social media.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: We are just responding to conditioning within our environment over
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: forty percent of our day. You do something long enough,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: it's going to become habitual. What's the whole point of
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: this first thing? It's like, well, where where is that?
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Like for me, it's my desk right, And for me
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: it's like, let's say it's a device. I've got my
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: mobile phone. When I take a look at this, this
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: becomes a cue. So one of the things I did
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: is I took all of my social media apps off
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: my phone and I put them on a completely different device.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: So now I got to go looking for this thing.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: So that's intense. I can't be responding to my environment
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: because I put it out of my environment also, and
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: I know everyone's living situation is different. Where I live,
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I have a lounge, a business center, and a courtyard.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: Just get out of the house sometimes the hardest thing
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: for me. And this is the thing about working at home,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: where used to have space in between meetings, like you
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: walk from one meeting to another. You don't have that
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: everything's next, next, next, next, so you don't get out
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: of the house. It's like, Okay, go downstairs, because I
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: know if I'm outside and I only brought with me
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: what I'm looking to work on, like my computer, I've
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: just changed my environmental cues. Or a coffee shop is
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: where I benefit from the white noise of having people
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: around me. Once I'm at a coffee shop, I can
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: zone out and in focus to such a greater degree
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: as long as I don't interact with anyone than in
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: any other environments.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: That's one. That's the cue. What's the environmental cue?
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I was just going to say, I'm exactly the same.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, you've had coffee with me at the Hamptons,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: where I shout out to the Hampton spolk, and I
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: can be in Mayhem where there's people in and out,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: there's tradees coming in getting coffees. There are kids, there
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: are school kids, there are it's a very busy cafe.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting in my corner, a special little spot, and
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: I'm more focused and more productive than sitting in a
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: quiet room at home. Most Yeah, I get. I mean,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I love my quiet room at home with it I'm
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: in right now. But there are times when my attention
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: is so diverted, like my ability to focus and concentrate
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: depending on the time of the day. But if I
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: came in, if I got out of bed and I
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: came into this room at six fifteen and I just
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: sat here, I know that my productivity would be one.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it, but it would be way less
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: than when I'm I don't know why it is. It's
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: maybe it's just habit. Maybe it's just there's this Maybe
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: my brain gets in that environment because I've done it
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: for so long where it knows. Oh, this is where.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: This is where we get set for the day. This
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: is where we plan, this is where we post something,
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: or this is where we respond to emails or I
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: don't know why I'm talking in like we I don't know,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: maybe I.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: But yes of personality is living in that head.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, I'm with you. There's something about being
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: in that white noise is a good is a good
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: description because it's yeah, okay, core.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: See see And that goes right into oh right, and
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: oh is observation and what am I observing?
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: Imserving?
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: I'm observing three variables basically that deal with readiness and
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: probability of engagement and sustaining long term behavior.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: One is enjoyment.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: How much am I enjoying this if my environment is
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: white noise, having people around, and I could write that
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: chapter sitting in a coffee shop more readily and more
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: creatively than sitting in a quiet room.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Go do that.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: Another thing sometimes is when I'm going through creative work
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: and in the beginning, before you're in a state of flow,
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: it's just painful, it's tedious. What is it that I
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: enjoy that would not only compliment this, but I can
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: attach an activity I don't want to do to something I.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Really enjoy doing.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you go to see a film, try this,
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: or go watch a clip on YouTube and watch the
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: most epic scene in your favorite film with the sound off.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: It's kind of stupid, like they make the it's not
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: just the dialogue.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: They make these soundtracks, there's this background ambient music to
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: elevate your level of emotion and engagement.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: I use that.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: I listen to soundtracks that are not overwhelming, but they're
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: is and I listened to them softly, and it keeps
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: me so focused on my work in the moment. So
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: that's one is how much am I enjoying it?
• 40:09
  Speaker 6: I just elevated that, And I just want to jump
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: in and say, isn't it interesting to understand the way
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: that your brain and your.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Creativity and your focus and your productivity work best because
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: you'll go in one environment where like that's your dream
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: space to just produce, but for somebody else that wouldn't
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: work at all, you know, So recognizing individually, it's like
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: like right now, I'm sitting in you know, my office,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: which is air conditioned. I'm looking out the window, which
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I've spoke about too many times, at all these beautiful trees.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I've got bare feet, black T shirt, shorts, and I'm
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: really comfortable. And if I'm in a really comfortable environment,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: my brain works better, you know, like for doing things
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: like if I had just sit here and do this
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: in an office space in a suit, and a tie.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, but just for me. And even
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: the other day when I was in Queensland, I spoke
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: to them last week about the gig and there was
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: all of these lawyers in a corporate space and then
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I said to the lady who's organizing it, please tell
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: me I don't have to wear a suit. Then she laughed,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: I go, you don't want me in a suit. I'm
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: not as good. I'm literally thirty I'm thirty percent more stupid.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I go, you just want me wearing whatever I'm comfortable,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: and then she goes, wear whatever you want. And it's like,
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I know, I could probably overcome this, but even down
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: to what I wear affects how well my brain and
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: my emotion and my creativity and my mind in general works.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: You know, So having that contextual and that situational awareness. Oh,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: you know, on top of all this, food works for me,
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: like eating nuts before Ben doesn't work for Bobby. But
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: we might also find well, creatively, Bobby's better when he's
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: around other people and there's lots of kind of human
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: interaction and white noise. Then if he's sitting in some
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: office space with white walls and the windows, you know.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for me, when I'm by myself in silence, sometimes
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: that just doesn't work for me. I'm not saying I
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: want to interact with people, because a lot of times
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: when I'm doing creative work, I absolutely don't. But just
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: knowing they're there, I can see them, I can feel
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: their presence.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: And another thing is is importance. The stronger what you're.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: Doing is connected not just to an outcome or goal,
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: but of value, something that is inherently sacred to you,
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: the greater the chance of you engaging it and sustaining it.
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: So how important is this related to your values? How
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: is important? Is again identity? Like who do I want
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: to see myself at? Who do I want to be?
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: It's almost like the whole the Bukowski example. Charles Bukowski
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: struggled and was dysfunctional in just about every hour of
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: his life, but he was an infinitely prolific writer because
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: at his core, his identity was I'm a writer. So
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: it's not like he would stay up till three in
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: the morning writing because he was so disciplined. What else
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: does a writer do? A writer by nature writes, So
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: it was so ingrained in who he was he could
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: not not write In interviews, he talks about how painful
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: it was to not sit down at the time think
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: about this. This is something that most people struggle deeply with.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: For him, he's so identified with being a writer. He
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: deeply struggled in trying to abstain from writing. So who
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: do you want to be? And you know, where are
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: you starting? Like, what's your level of confidence? Basically, and
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: that's where you select. You want to select something that
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: is challenging. The more challenging the habit, the greater the
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: drive and sustainability. But not at first, at first start
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: where you can develop evidence that you are able to
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: do this as small as you need to make that habit.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: And then as you start expanding the size of that habit,
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: you want something that's not so far out of your
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: capacity that it frustrates and overwhelms you, but enough that
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: it stretches you. Because that's actually a motivational force. Because
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: if what you're doing is aligned to your true values,
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: intrinsic motivation is connected deeply to the pursuit of mastery.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: That's not going to deter you, that's probably going to
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: engage you. And the third aspect is rituals. And I
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: see people really get into a lot of trouble here
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: because it's vague ambiguities rather than meaningful specifics that lead
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: them into habit formation, something.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: Like I want to lose to.
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: Side that again, people run into a lot of trouble
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: around rituals because it's vague ambiguities rather than meaningful specifics
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: that guide them into habit formation. And this is why
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: they struggle. It's like, well, I want to make more money. Okay,
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: what are we talking about here? Are we talking about
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: two dollars three five? Or are we talking about a million?
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Like what exactly do you mean by that? Well, I'm
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: going to lose weight, Okay, Well, what's the behavior that's
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: kind of creating a barrier for that? And what behavior
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: would you rather do instead? So, like when are you
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: going to do this thing? How often are we talking
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: three days a week, five days a week, every day?
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: How long are you going to engage in this? For
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: like have a beginning and an end and it could
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: be just five minutes a day to start. That's great,
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: but that is a definitive metric. And what that does
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: is it gives you all of these variables. Each variable
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: is another point of evidence increasing your self efficacy, your
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: level of confidence that you can engage in this. But
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: it also creates a lot of variability around resilience. Resilience
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: has to do it adaptation. So if let's say on
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: a Thursday, I miss a meal, that's only one variable.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: If it's like, okay, I'm going to eat better, well
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: that's all or nothing. Wow, I screwed up mine as well.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: Eat everything that's not nailed down in your language, and
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: I'll start again Monday. But if it's only one variable,
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: that was just one meal, one meal is specific time,
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: and then I could start.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: To learn from my failures.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: The failures become more important than the successes because it's like, Okay,
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: what was different about lunch on a Thursday versus Monday
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: when it wasn't an issue? Ah, Okay, I know how
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: to modify that variable. So you're not only having behaviors
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: that are modifiable. You don't have to go through the
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: whole story about I failed on this and you're explained
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: toy style becomes dysfunctional, becomes permanent and pervasive and personal.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: No, it's just something that happened.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: Oh and by the way, that gave me information that
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: allows me to plan better and move further along my
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: goals than if that setback never occurred, And finally, like,
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: what are you doing to reward this cycle? And sometimes
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: it could be just stopping and recognizing, going okay, how
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: do I feel right now?
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: Other times it.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: Could be elictiting social support, like sending a text message
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: to someone who you know cares about you, supports you,
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: and is not trying to derail you. You know this person,
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: now what, Oh you're doing this whole health kick thing.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: One drink? You can't have one drink, crag.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: It's like, not that person, I hate it, but someone
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: who's like, yeah, you know, I think this is a
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: really great idea.
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: You know what do you mean for me? I love you. Yeah.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: By the way, I just went seven days without touching
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: a drink. I just went seven days without eating a cake.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: You know, I went seven days by adding plants to
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: my food. Wow, the awesome job. That's a reward, that's
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: an enforcer, Rinse and repeat. So if you have a framework,
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: it's not like, oh, wow, now I've got a system
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: that will guide me through a series of successive wins.
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: That's not how life works.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: But you have something to navigate through, and when the
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: inevitable setbacks occur, you can get back on track because
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: your success is connected to the system, not how you
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: feel about it in the moment, not the story you're
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: telling yourself in your mind.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: Wow, that was a lot. That was good, though, I
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: also think your honor, Like when I talk to people
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: about where they are now, Okay, so we're in a
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: place metaphorical, literal place of financial place, or physiological place,
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: or spiritual or sociological situation that we want to change, right,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: So this where I am, this where I want to be.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Being able to recognize that I've kind of started and
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: stop this process a lot, and you know, it's it's
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I make progress that I lose motivation. Then the motivation goes,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: so the behaviors go, so the results go, and now
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: it's July or now it's January or whatever. I think
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: part of it is also being able to be really
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: practical about what happened the last twenty times. So Craig,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: you've tried this before, Yeah, cool, tell me what happened, Well,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: this happened. That happened. Cool. So the thing is that, well,
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: how do we how do we outlast that emotional kind
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: of state, that excitement that euphoria, that motivation, that inspiration
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: that's probably going to disappear in the next week or two.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: Well maybe you'll maintain it for a month or two
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: because you're a unicorn, but you're definitely got it. Not
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: going to stay permanently excited and motivated and inspired in perpetuity.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: So how do I keep doing the thing that works
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: when I can't be fucked? How do I keep doing
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: the thing that works when it's not fun, quick, easy,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: or payments, or how do I keep doing the thing
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: that works when in the middle of the doing it's
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: not very rewarding, Like today it's not very I would
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: rather just eat that fucking pizza because that is rewarding.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: It's like I skip the pizza. I don't have instant
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: weight loss. I eat the pizza. I have instant mouth gasm. Right,
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: And so that initially I think it's yes, we need structure,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: we need process, we need accountability. But over time we
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: want to turn that thing that sometimes behavior into an
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: all the time behavior, which then becomes just a cognitive, emotional,
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: and behavioral default setting. So now this is just me.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: This is not me trying, This is not me ticking
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: a box, This is not me being resilient. This is
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: not me making an effort, this is this is what
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I do every day. Of Course I don't smoke, of
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: course I don't drink. Of course I lift weights every day.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: But that's not me being disciplined. That's me being Craig Harper.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: So there's no accolades for me in that. I don't
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: need a pad on the back for that. That's just
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: my you know. It's like you don't need to give
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: me a round of applause for cleaning my teeth or
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: having a shower. This is what I do. And so
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: in my mind it's always been how do we turn
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: that thing that you keep starting and stopping into something
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: that is just ingrained into your daily operating system, Because
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: when it just becomes part of who you are and
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: how you are, now you don't need to keep trying
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: to find discipline and self control and motivation, you know,
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: because now that's you. That's you. You're the guy, You're
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: the girl who you don't drink. It's not like, oh,
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: you're being very good, you're on the wagon. No, you
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: don't fucking drink. Sure you used to, but you don't
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: now and you really don't. You're not just abstaining. You're
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: not just being disciplined, You're not just eating well. No,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: this is how you eat full stop. This is how
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: you live full stop. This has become something which was
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: once a part time kind of operating thing to now
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: this is you. And I think that you know, for me,
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: that's the challenge of trying to create habits, you know,
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: subconsciously programmed, behaviorally programmed, socially programmed habits and behaviors which
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: truly reflect or align with your values and your goals.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Because I mean, life's always going to be hard work
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: on a level. But when we can kind of build
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: those behaviors or those habits that really kind of serve
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: us rather than sabotage us, then that makes that makes
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: some things much easier anyway. You know, like the things
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: that I like for me and you, I'm sure there
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: are so many things that I do that just work
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: well for me that don't require effort. It might require
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: physical effort because I've got to go and lift away,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: but there's no sacrifice in that because I like it
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: and it works for me. And this is the other thing.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: When the things that you once did that you didn't
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: enjoy actually become the things that you now enjoy because
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: they are positive in your life. Then it takes more
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: effort to stop it than to maintain it, if you
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: know what I mean.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: Oh absolutely.
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: I think anybody who has started exercise and struggled with
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: it but then has found themselves consistently exercising for years,
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: missing or workout is so much more difficult physically, emotionally,
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: mentally than getting to the gym. And again you're eight.
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: It's at that point it is not this plan. Exercise
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: is not something you do. It is a reflection of
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: who you are. I think a lot of it has
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: to do with how we talk to ourselves and how
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: we talk to each other when we're going around and
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: we're building these habits. So University College London, Philipp Lally
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: her research on habit formation, right what she found was
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: consistency was the number one success factor and it takes
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: anywhere from eighteen to two hundred and fifty four days
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: to form a habit. And I think that depends on
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: quite a few variables, so it's a wide range. But
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: let's talk about motivation. I just I just want to
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: talk about what I mean by motivation because I know
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: different people have different meanings they attached to it. For me,
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: motivation is a reason for doing something or behaving in
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: some way, So motivation becomes really important in doing anything.
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: I think when people say motivation, a lot of times
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: what they're talking about is excitement. Am I excited about
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: doing this? And you can be really excited about something
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: and get on the motorway and nobody's excited on the motorway.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: I got the five Interstate out here by me. Nobody
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: has ever driven the five Interstate and in a state
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: of excitement except psychopaths because it's horrible. So you're not
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: going to be excited about doing something all day every day,
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: so you need something there. One value, aside from how
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: much is what I'm doing aligning with the identity that
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: I have or I want to have or my highest
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: values of a value that I'm placing a lot more
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: emphasis on developing is curiosity. Lately, I feel like curiosity
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: is an antidote for so many things, Like when you're
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: engaging in something, you got to understand that you know,
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: success is what comes to fruition as a result of right,
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: where behaviors are not going to bring about your outcome,
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: but they can be successful if they're rewarding in and
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: of themselves, Like what are you observing? What are you
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: curious about? What are you learning from the behaviors you engaging?
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: So let's say I went to the gym three days
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: this week and that's the first time in the years
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: I've done that. What you learn about yourself, Like, what
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: do you know about yourself now that you could put
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: because that learning becomes an immediate reward attached to a behavior,
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: and also understanding that you might have to restructure things
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: because discipline fails, especially when you're exhausted, especially when you
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: have decision fatigue. Like you talked about eating a pizza.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: You know, I am much more likely to eat pizza
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: in a pizza rhea than I am in a coffee shop.
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: I'm just weird that way, right, So like maybe avoiding
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: having pizza in the house or if you have family
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: members that will just have an absolute fit over that
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: because I'm not giving up my pizza because you're like
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: at least not having it with such a high degree
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: of accessibility. So there needs to be a space between
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: stimulus and response. You got to think about stuff before
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: you just reach for that food. And if Jill brings
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: pizza into the office and you wind up eating it again.
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: That's where a system is really important. What's the story
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: you're telling yourself? Oh my god, I always do that. No,
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: you just had one slice of pizza. One slice of
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: pizza is not going to matter a month from now,
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: Not to mention a year from now, get back on track.
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: I think that becomes critical.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's always interesting to talk to you? I'm always
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: learning something. You are the perpetual teacher. You are the
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: coach of coaches. Love talking to you. How do people
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: find you? Follow you, connect with you?
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: That's places LinkedIn Robert Caapuccio dot com, self help, antidote
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: dot com.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: And what's your home addressing case people want to drop by.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's two twenty two High Street. That's my
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: take home address. Don't don't bother the sending a letter there.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: A nice good mate. Appreciate you. Thanks for being on
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: the show again as you do every Thursday, well Friday.
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: People love chatting to you.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: Thanks buddy.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: Thanks bybe