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To Kill a Mockingbull · Very Fine Friends

0:00
can I tell you something funny always okay I just remember when I was a kid and I had a crush on this
0:19
girl oh um it was before I it's before I was like it was in elementary school and I'm like oh I'm
0:27
supposed to have a crush on a girl so i picked that one yeah you know anyway she was like
0:32
the attractive popular one and so i'm like i'm going for the best yeah why not you could taste
0:39
yeah and everybody wants her right and i had no chance because i was fat and gay and i had a bull
0:45
cut but anyway um she was like my friend so she would like come over to my house and like we would
0:51
hang out. I had a big trampoline.
0:59
And you pushed her off of it
1:00
mid jump.
1:02
If I can, I do know I can.
1:04
No, sorry. I was just, all these numbers.
1:06
How old were you?
1:08
Ten? Ten.
1:10
Elementary school. I was, I don't know.
1:12
About what grade?
1:13
About what grade?
1:14
before
1:21
sick
1:23
it had to be fifth or sixth grade
1:24
yeah I was going to say I feel like fifth would be ten
1:26
is like the last point of like
1:28
oh okay
1:29
we're still like adolescent
1:31
and like not
1:32
then I definitely knew I was gay and I was putting on an act
1:35
anyway
1:36
so I had her
1:39
another friend over and
1:41
we were all jumping on the trampoline
1:42
and
1:44
not the one I had a crush on,
1:47
but the other one got double
1:48
bounced really high.
1:51
And we, so she
1:52
went up and we just heard
1:54
and me and the girl
1:56
looked at each other like, what?
1:58
And we both like looked at the roof because we were right next
2:00
to the roof.
2:02
But she was like,
2:03
I really
2:06
wanted her to be on the roof.
2:08
She like went down and got like, not like
2:10
seriously hurt, but she was like in pain.
2:12
but our first reaction was like what now
2:15
and so she left
2:17
and then my crush and I were still
2:18
so I'm like oh this is working out perfectly
2:20
and then you were like we're trauma bonded now
2:22
I'm imprinting I'm imprinting
2:23
I got rid of the excess female
2:25
it's just you and I
2:27
yes that's how straight men think
2:29
excess female
2:30
I got rid of this
2:34
extra female
2:35
yes and so she
2:37
started bouncing and then I started to like
2:40
double bounce her
2:41
even after what just happened.
2:43
And I'm going like crazy bouncing
2:45
or really like a lot
2:46
because I thought it was so funny.
2:47
And then this is where it gets crazy.
2:52
And I've never seen this on a human being since.
2:54
So I don't know how to explain it.
2:56
But she had like a snot in her nose
2:59
that because of the bouncing
3:01
started to leave her nose
3:03
and was like super long and ropey.
3:07
It was like super long.
3:09
and I started laughing
3:13
because it was crazy
3:14
and then she didn't understand why I was laughing
3:17
and then I think she could see it in front of her face
3:19
because of how long it was
3:20
so she got immediately embarrassed
3:22
and then I would not stop double bouncing her
3:24
so she could not take care of this
3:27
I thought it was the funniest thing ever
3:29
did this not go flying
3:30
it double bounced too?
3:32
it was gross
3:34
it would whip around and slap you in the face
3:36
at any point
3:37
If it did, I would not be admitting it now.
3:39
If you stopped, did it go back into her nose?
3:42
No, once it was out, it was out.
3:43
It was a lot.
3:44
Once I've never seen this before, never in my life.
3:48
Wow.
3:48
Yeah.
3:49
That's impressive.
3:50
Yeah.
3:50
It did help me break the crush.
3:53
Yeah.
3:54
That would demystify someone.
3:56
100%.
3:57
Like your body can do that?
3:59
Peace out.
4:00
All women's bodies can do this?
4:02
You know what?
4:03
Yeah.
4:03
This must be a woman thing.
4:05
Bring back despair.
4:07
Now you're an excess female.
4:11
Wow, that's a very formative story.
4:15
It feels like it made an impression on you.
4:17
Pretty funny.
4:19
But to be fair, double bouncing is fun.
4:22
Oh, yeah.
4:22
It's like when it happens to you, it's like a fun thrill.
4:25
You're like, I'm out of control.
4:27
I'm kind of just flying through the air.
4:29
Yeah, and you can see into the neighbor's yard, which is always fun.
4:31
Yeah.
4:32
What are they doing over there?
4:34
Never mind.
4:34
I don't want to know.
4:35
Weirdos.
4:36
Yeah.
4:37
Neighbors.
4:38
Weird.
4:38
Stop being weird.
4:41
Perverts.
4:41
Yeah.
4:42
Well, who isn't?
4:46
I'm not.
4:47
No, you're definitely not.
4:49
Thank you.
4:49
I appreciate that.
4:51
I appreciate all the weird actions that you're doing right now for my and Joe benefit only.
4:57
Perfect.
4:58
But yes, of course.
5:01
Welcome to Very Fine Friends, where only some of us are perverts.
5:04
we'll let you guess who yeah uh one of us is a pervert and one of us always lies
5:12
asking us questions you need to figure out which one's which
5:17
oh man
5:20
uh what's the what's the trick to that riddle like well i forget what there's like one question
5:28
you're supposed to ask that will reveal you turn to the door knocker to your right and you say
5:33
if I ask him and you point to the other door knocker,
5:38
I forgot the rest.
5:41
Oh, it's like if I asked him, what will he, who will he say?
5:45
Okay.
5:46
So it's what they did in Labyrinth.
5:47
Who will he say is the pervert?
5:51
It's just whichever one honka honkas you.
5:53
That's the pervert.
5:54
Oh, well.
5:55
I know.
5:56
We should be so lucky.
6:00
Well, that's very funny.
6:02
How are you otherwise?
6:03
Besides that funny memory.
6:05
Yeah.
6:06
Good?
6:06
That's good.
6:08
That's a rugged.
6:09
And A2, Prute?
6:11
I'm good.
6:13
I have this mild annoyance in my life right now, which is one of my tires, my back driver's tire, is slowly leaking air.
6:22
Oh.
6:22
And I don't want to get it.
6:23
I don't have to take it somewhere to figure out why.
6:26
So every few days, I have a little portable air gun thing.
6:31
And every few days, I just fill it up.
6:33
and then every few days a little light comes on in my car again.
6:36
So I just keep pushing that can down the road.
6:39
Hey, that's a solution.
6:42
I mean, it seems to be, it's not like it's getting worse.
6:46
It's like...
6:48
You probably got a tiny little screw or something.
6:51
Yeah, I got screwed.
6:52
A tiny little screw.
6:54
To be fair, I mean, every week that you can get away with this
6:59
is another week that you aren't appreciating the value of your new tires
7:03
when you do eventually get them.
7:05
I'm hoping whatever it is is just a patch job.
7:08
I mean, I think they're fairly new tires.
7:10
I don't remember.
7:11
I think they're fairly new.
7:13
I also think probably the heat's exacerbating things.
7:16
Patch job is what I call a really ugly drunk girl at the bar.
7:19
Hmm.
7:23
I call someone with a giant rope of snot falling out of their face.
7:29
I call them excess females.
7:34
I'm sorry that should be happening to people worse than you.
7:37
Thank you.
7:38
I really appreciate that.
7:39
It's probably the most boring thing I've ever said on pod.
7:43
Don't challenge me on that.
7:44
Because if I'm wrong, I don't want to know.
7:45
Hey, no.
7:46
I know.
7:47
I've done worse.
7:48
Well, that's literally other than that.
7:51
That's all.
7:52
It's the only thing that's front of mind at the moment.
7:55
It's that I don't want to go to discount tire.
7:57
That's fair.
7:58
totally fair discount tires always packed people like them yeah they do i mean where else do you go
8:06
anyway right i go to overpriced tire smart one plus markup tire quick interruption every week
8:16
on the podcast we do something where our producer joe gives francis and i each our own secret word
8:25
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
8:34
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word they get a point And right before we die we add up all the points And then we get a prize whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words
8:49
Here's Joe with today's secret words.
8:52
Jenna's secret word is culpability. Jenna's decoy word is faithfulness.
8:59
Francis's secret word is switcheroo. Francis's decoy word is yearnings.
9:05
back to the pod.
9:08
That's actually not a bad idea.
9:11
Like
9:12
specifically advertised being
9:14
more expensive because then that way
9:16
you know like you weren't, you're not going to have to wait in line.
9:18
You can get in and out real quick.
9:20
Yeah, that's true.
9:23
All right.
9:24
We doing this? I think we just
9:26
did. All right. But then we were like,
9:28
hold on one second. Now we have to run a discount tire and get it?
9:30
Yeah, I just run next door.
9:32
Wheels in motion.
9:34
Whim.
9:35
Oh, oh my God.
9:39
Wow.
9:41
I think we just invented a new business, which brings us to another segment.
9:50
The invention of the week.
9:54
Inventions.
9:58
What do you got?
10:03
Okay.
10:04
I have something
10:06
my something is this
10:08
you know how people work from home
10:11
ah yeah I do know that
10:12
you know how that's pretty great
10:14
yeah
10:15
you know how people like to travel
10:18
I do know that
10:19
you know how sometimes logistically it's just too complicated
10:23
yeah I do
10:24
well
10:25
buckle up so you don't fly through the windshield
10:29
of this invention
10:30
okay
10:31
you're about to slam on the brakes
10:33
No, I want to hit the gas.
10:35
Oh.
10:35
But you're right.
10:36
But I'm going to hit something?
10:38
Yeah, I don't know.
10:38
Or I'm outside the car.
10:40
No, wait, because I had to buckle up.
10:41
Never mind.
10:43
We're good.
10:43
Everyone gets it.
10:45
All right, cool.
10:46
I have a great one.
10:49
And here it is.
10:51
My great one is this.
10:54
It is a service that you sign up for, okay, when you work from home.
10:59
It's a network of work-from-home people.
11:03
who want to travel.
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And you, in order to be part of our service,
11:08
you just have to have a basic office setup
11:10
with two monitors and the standard office fare or whatever.
11:15
And you sign up for the entire network
11:17
and you get to pick,
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oh, this person wants to come to be where I live
11:21
and I want to visit where they want to live.
11:22
Kind of like a holiday situation.
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And basically it lets you travel
11:26
and go and stay somewhere for free,
11:28
but you're still working,
11:30
so you're not going to do PTO.
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You just need a travel day.
11:32
you know and then like you could work but then you're in this foreign city and then when you're
11:36
done with work you can go like explore the city so it's just you're you're hooking up people so
11:44
if someone is like i want to go to cleveland and then it's like someone from london's like
11:49
cleveland love and then someone from cleveland's like i want to go to london and then they just
11:54
swatch swap places yeah they'll switch route i think uh interesting it is like the movie the
12:01
holiday. Yeah, but isn't it, it's what I love about it. What I really love is that it's hooking
12:09
up with other professionals. So it's not just like total randos, right? These are people who
12:13
are doing the same thing you're doing. Maybe not in the same industry. And it gives you the
12:18
opportunity to get like a little bite of another place. It's like, you're not you burning your
12:22
time off, right? You're just doing your work from somewhere else. And there could be like a,
12:28
like an income
12:30
I'm trying to figure out how to say this without sounding classist.
12:35
There could be like an income threshold of like people who can sign up.
12:38
So that way it's like,
12:39
you know,
12:39
you're going somewhere of someone who has a similar lifestyle to yours in
12:44
terms of what they can afford.
12:46
Cause really you don't need to have a job.
12:50
You just need to have two monitors and a keyboard.
12:53
Someone could plug into maybe a printer.
12:55
So if that's like the only minimum,
12:57
then like,
12:58
Then suddenly, then it's like, then someone would just be like, yeah, I'll buy two monitors and put it at a desk.
13:03
Yeah.
13:05
So that's why I think it should be like, I like this idea.
13:08
I'm just saying we need to make it.
13:09
This is one of the benefits of our company is we verify people to be on the site.
13:16
Right.
13:16
And you also don't want to like, if you've got like a beautiful like two bedroom apartment in the city center or whatever, with a nice office setup.
13:25
You don't want to go to somebody's studio apartment on the edge of town.
13:28
Right.
13:29
And you get to see where it is and you get to like on the map generally and you get to
13:32
see pictures of their living space.
13:34
Like they have to, it's like an Airbnb, but not really.
13:36
Yeah.
13:36
Well, I like, I like that it's like members only Airbnb because then also too, there's
13:40
like mutual incentive to treat other people's property well.
13:44
Oh yeah.
13:44
And you'll be kicked off the network so fast.
13:46
Yeah.
13:47
Cause if you don't, then you lose access to this whole world.
13:51
I think it's a great idea.
13:53
Members only.
13:53
so there's a membership fee.
13:58
You gotta be paying money.
14:00
Yeah.
14:00
It's not a lot.
14:01
It's nominal.
14:03
It's just enough to keep us going
14:04
and make a profit.
14:05
Just to put a little money
14:07
in our pockets.
14:08
Well, think about
14:08
what you're saving.
14:10
You know?
14:11
Yeah.
14:12
I mean, well,
14:12
you're definitely saving
14:13
a ton on hotel.
14:16
Yeah.
14:17
And this could be international.
14:18
It's not just domestic.
14:20
Oh, I was assuming it was.
14:21
Yeah.
14:21
Well, we talked about Cleveland.
14:22
And yeah.
14:23
International Cleveland.
14:25
Domestic London.
14:26
It's also not like it doesn't have to just be like,
14:28
I know that in that little situation that you created
14:31
of the Cleveland and London person, they swapped.
14:33
But it doesn't have to be like a swap thing.
14:35
It's like, oh, I'm on the site and I'm going here.
14:38
So my place is going to be free.
14:39
So someone else who's coming here while I'm gone
14:42
can stay at my place.
14:43
So I'm making passive income while I'm traveling.
14:47
Oh, so in your situation,
14:49
you're actually renting it out
14:51
because you're not using the service.
14:52
Or like me, for example, I'm going on a work conference in September, and my hotel and airfare are paid for.
15:00
So I don't have to pay for that.
15:01
So your place is wide open.
15:03
Exactly, yeah.
15:04
Now, I'm not letting anyone stay there.
15:05
But if I were, theoretically, then I could not only have free airfare and lodging, but also make passive income.
15:14
Yeah, that's true.
15:15
And it would be someone from our network.
15:18
But you wouldn't be making it.
15:19
But in your scenario, Francis, it's just a swap.
15:21
like that so you're not really making money
15:23
you're not. Yeah but when you're
15:25
like when you have
15:26
a slot
15:29
of time when you're not when you're like opening
15:31
your place up even if you're not going to use
15:33
the service you could be like oh
15:35
but my place is open for someone in the network
15:37
and then they can actually
15:39
pay to rent it.
15:42
But
15:43
at cheaper than hotel prices? Yes.
15:45
Yeah. Like he's saying it's
15:47
a nice opportunity for him to get some passive income.
15:50
You know?
15:50
Just as long as it's not becoming like Airbnb.
15:55
Well, it never will because one of the main reasons is
15:58
there's no cleaning deposits and stuff like that.
16:01
Although, again, if you leave the place not great,
16:04
then you're going to potentially lose your ability to use our site.
16:09
But more importantly, you know that only someone in our network
16:13
is going to have access to it.
16:15
It's not like a real Airbnb.
16:16
And also the whole point of this is that you're just there to be able to work from home.
16:22
It's not like you're there to spend the whole time at the place that you're staying at.
16:26
The reason you're on this site is that you can easily visit a new place and explore it.
16:33
So it's not like you're going to be spending that much time there and trashing the place or having parties.
16:40
But what if the person doesn't have a job or doesn't?
16:45
We need proper vetting.
16:47
We've been over this.
16:51
Not to my satisfaction.
16:53
Allow me to please you.
16:56
I've been waiting for that.
16:57
Go ahead.
16:57
One of the ways we verify employment is
16:59
when they fill out the application to be a member,
17:03
they put where they work
17:03
and then we verify.
17:06
So they're going to have to send us an email
17:07
from their work email
17:08
and then we can verify,
17:10
like, okay, here's the code, put the code in.
17:12
You only get that if you really work somewhere.
17:15
That just one of the ways Like if you like Adobe used to give discounts to students for their products but you had to sign up with a dot edu email address similar so i could just create jenna shell company
17:32
dot com give myself an email address well no because we when we vet we also make sure that
17:39
the company is legitimate you know i oh it's a real company well we also do a background check
17:45
go for it. You'll see me selling shells. It's Jenna's shell company.
17:51
Well, then your W2 should be no problem to show us.
17:55
That's that's going too far.
17:58
Well, I'm the she hasn't even finished her first fiscal year.
18:02
She hasn't filed a W2. I know. And also I'm I don't turn a profit.
18:08
So, yeah, I'm sorry. We're a struggling business.
18:11
That's why I need the service.
18:12
Yeah.
18:13
Because I want to see the world, but I'm a struggling business owner.
18:15
Try Verbo.
18:17
Fuck you.
18:20
I mean.
18:21
What if we did like.
18:23
What if we did like actual interviews?
18:27
How exclusive is this like service going to be?
18:30
I like exclusivity.
18:32
I mean, I do too.
18:33
But then that limits the number of places that are available.
18:36
Well, I mean, not like.
18:39
Like not exclusivity.
18:40
like we only have 100 people, but it's like exclusivity to like standard of what you can
18:46
afford.
18:46
So that's why I like it.
18:49
Like I like the idea of being able to do this with other people who are in like similar
18:53
economic positions as I am.
18:55
I don't want to like get to the point where people can't, like I don't want to like exclude
19:02
bigger groups of people.
19:04
But I think some of the dating sites I've seen or I've heard of were they basically match people based on income level.
19:15
Or like that's one option.
19:16
So it's like, oh, this is like the industry or career that I work in.
19:19
And like I want to go to places that are like where people are doing similar stuff.
19:24
You know?
19:25
Like nurses are trading with nurses and not necessarily by industry, but you know.
19:30
work from home jobs although the industries may vary it's not every kind of job you know what i
19:41
mean yeah i think probably not well maybe there are work from home nurses there's like tele-nurses
19:45
right well there's telehealth yeah yeah yeah well i guess what i'm trying to say is um work from
19:50
home librarians work from home police freeze look at me i can see you don't mute don't you mute me
19:57
Put your camera back on.
19:59
Oh, you're frozen.
20:00
You're frozen.
20:02
I guess what I mean is like,
20:04
there's not that much reason to worry because
20:09
people who work from home, like, you know, I don't know.
20:16
Let's not worry so much.
20:17
Let's just book it.
20:18
I know.
20:18
There's a, just book it.
20:23
There's so many perverts in the world.
20:25
There's so many weirdos in the world.
20:27
I'm so protective.
20:29
What time is it?
20:29
Do you haven't mentioned perverts?
20:30
I'm sorry.
20:31
I'm sorry.
20:32
Actually, she's a little late today.
20:33
I have to be the voice of pervert reason.
20:36
We'll have a little checkbox that says pervert friendly,
20:39
and you can decide.
20:41
You're like the Jesus Christ of perverts.
20:43
You're like, I'm not one of you,
20:44
but I will speak for one of you.
20:45
Oh, sinners everywhere.
20:47
I understand the mind of a pervert.
20:51
It's not the mind that I have,
20:53
but I'm able to crawl into it.
20:54
You're like the Jesus Christ of perverts.
20:56
Stop trying to make the Jesus Christ
20:58
a pervert's happening.
21:04
I just a very, like, well, I guess,
21:07
all right, this is the point where you go,
21:09
well, then it's not for you.
21:10
It's like, I'm very protective of people
21:13
being in my shit.
21:14
Yeah, yeah.
21:16
Same reason I'd never do Airbnb either,
21:19
like have someone in my house.
21:21
Yeah, I'm not saying I would use this,
21:23
but I might.
21:24
if you found the right place i like the space and someone wants to like
21:29
you know i would be more motivated to like i would probably use it more
21:36
like kind of like a reverse search where i would instead of being like i really want to go to
21:44
cleveland i'd be like browsing all the places that are available and be like oh that place looks cool
21:50
and they have opening when I want to like we have like okay yeah I could go next week to Taipei
21:57
yeah and then you're from Cleveland to Taipei the big two those are my the number one and two
22:06
on my list of places I want to go um yeah so I probably would like be like oh what a cool
22:15
what a cool little apartment or whatever or like oh this is actually a really well located like
22:23
maybe i never thought about this city before but this would be a cool place to go yeah that's how
22:28
you find the next place you live yeah because you squat in their house and you never leave
22:34
it's really hard to get rid of a squatter but you're in their place
22:39
I know I'm squatting in their place
22:42
That's another
22:44
Thing that would be like we need to
22:46
Set up some kind of
22:49
Squatters
22:51
Rules make sure that
22:52
Nobody does that
22:53
Right how does Airbnb handle that
22:57
You probably
22:59
Sign away for
23:00
Saying that too bad if it happens to you
23:03
Yeah stop calling us we don't know how to help you
23:05
We're just here to make money
23:07
we're gonna make money
23:11
alright well what are you calling this service
23:14
um
23:15
well the holidays take out
23:17
something with
23:19
swapping
23:20
I was thinking swap me
23:23
swap me work swap
23:24
switcher office
23:27
work from your home
23:37
switcher office yeah to do two o's so people get it
23:47
it's like switcheroo fist
23:50
yes you see how i got inspired i love that name switcheroo fist
23:58
cousin of christmas bonjour
24:02
um yeah
24:05
what if in like the holiday you have to like write a letter attesting to that type of person
24:13
that you are wait did they do that in did they do that in the i don't think so i don't know maybe
24:19
it's a really weird no you know what there was there was a book there was a book where it was
24:26
basically the same premise as the holiday which maybe what the holiday was based on that i read
24:31
like when I was like 14.
24:34
Terror Road, I think it was called
24:35
by Maeve Benchy.
24:39
Anyway,
24:40
that was a like people swapping
24:41
houses because like, oh, my marriage just fell
24:44
apart. I need to get away kind of a thing. And someone
24:45
like wrote a letter and was like, I love your house.
24:47
Please let me come stay there and you can
24:49
come stay with you anyway.
24:51
Anyway, we can. No.
24:55
No.
24:56
No. No to the letter. I don't.
24:58
People aren't going to do that.
24:58
but then they can't stay in my house you want a letter yeah i want them to put forth the effort
25:07
i want like yeah show me your credentials i want a resume so your your profile will say
25:12
this host requires a letter they'll know yeah yeah that's right you want me to write a sample letter
25:22
for you?
25:25
Why are you...
25:26
What?
25:27
Like, to show you
25:28
what I'm talking about.
25:29
Why are you saying that?
25:31
I'm not trying to trick you
25:32
into anything, Francis.
25:33
Yes, I'll take one.
25:34
Okay.
25:34
Of those.
25:37
But I love that you love it.
25:40
I look...
25:41
Oh, I was going to, like,
25:41
literally dictate a letter.
25:43
I just wanted to do improv, Francis.
25:46
I'm a silly girl.
25:48
Is that why you were confused?
25:49
You thought I was going to
25:50
send you a letter?
25:51
I don't know what's wrong with me.
25:52
Well, nevermind.
25:54
No, I want it now.
25:55
Okay.
25:58
Dear owner of the two plus den two bathroom Adobe house
26:08
I saw the pictures of your place and I was immediately captivated.
26:15
I knew that if I didn't work there, I don't think I'd ever work again.
26:22
And in fact, if I work there, it won't be work.
26:28
So it will be like I'm never working again.
26:31
I didn't even know that I wanted to be in Albuquerque.
26:38
But it turns out I do.
26:41
The ABQ is calling my name.
26:44
Please, please consider me for a swap.
26:47
I know it's not the same as your two bedroom plus den, two and a half bath adobe house in Albuquerque.
26:55
But please, please feel free to make use of my pied-à-terre in New York City.
27:03
I would be so grateful for the opportunity.
27:08
P.S.
27:10
Here's a copy of my W-2.
27:14
A picture of my wife.
27:15
who will also be staying at the pied-a-terre with you.
27:19
Feel free to use her as if she is your own.
27:24
And my son, just ignore him.
27:28
He's being a little shit right now.
27:30
But he mostly stays in his room, so he'll leave you alone.
27:35
Sincerely, Desperate in NYC.
27:40
Now, if you got a letter like that, wouldn't you be like,
27:43
okay, versus somebody not sending you a letter at all?
27:45
But you forgot to mention, because it's an Adobe house, if someone emails him, if a student emails him with an EDU address, he'll let them stay there for free.
27:55
Yes, that's true.
27:57
That's the loophole.
27:58
Yeah.
27:58
They have to abide by that loophole.
28:00
I'd like to write you back a short letter.
28:02
Okay.
28:04
Dear Desperate, I'm glad you like my house.
28:09
My grandma died in it.
28:10
years before she was abusive toward me and used to hit me with her cane
28:16
and other miscellaneous items i prayed nightly that she would die and yet for years she held on
28:24
luckily the carbon monoxide detector failed working one day and we both passed out
28:32
i was dragged out by a neighbor who knew to save me first grandma didn't make it
28:39
Her bedroom's the one you'll be staying in
28:43
Thanks again for your interest
28:46
P.S.
28:49
I could feel your yearning through the phone
28:51
Sincerely
28:53
Not desperate
28:55
Not desperate
28:59
Thank you so much for the letter
29:00
I'm even more excited to stay there now
29:02
Yay
29:04
All right
29:06
Wow, it works, the letter works
29:08
See?
29:08
now we both know that we're going to respect each other's spaces.
29:14
So, all right, great.
29:18
Switcheroo Fist
29:19
is available now to sign up for.
29:23
Membership.
29:24
Go to veryfinefriends.com, learn more.
29:27
Sign up.
29:29
Start working from somebody else's home, people.
29:33
That wraps up the invention of the week.
29:35
it's time now Francis
29:38
for our next segment
29:41
Atticus bitch
29:46
I'll rise
29:50
for the honorable Atticus
29:52
bitch
29:53
shall I discuss it please
29:57
this is a segment where a
30:00
lawyer must argue his
30:02
case with a judge
30:03
and neither the lawyer nor the judge really knows the law.
30:08
Okay.
30:08
That's really the whole parameters we have for this thing.
30:11
All right.
30:12
Who would you like to be?
30:15
I'll be the judge.
30:16
I think since you're actually a lawyer.
30:17
This is going to be hard for you, Francis.
30:18
I know.
30:19
You're going to have to.
30:20
I'm trying to know nothing.
30:20
Yeah.
30:21
You're going to have everything.
30:23
I know.
30:24
Yeah.
30:25
Okay.
30:26
All right.
30:26
Cool.
30:29
Your Honor, my client maintains their innocence.
30:32
pants off in my courtroom that's the rule i apologize your honor um here let me shimmy out
30:41
of these um and now i hold up my briefcase and i toss it to the floor to show that i'm an alpha
30:50
attorney oh oh okay well you've commanded the proper amount of attention carry on thank you
30:58
My client maintains her innocence through the rule of wishing it so.
31:08
Well, now, now, now, counselor, as I'm sure you know,
31:16
the United States v.
31:20
Stefan Marbury states that wishing it so is only,
31:27
only illegal loophole
31:29
when the subject
31:33
has eaten more than 30 pounds of gummy bears
31:37
in their life.
31:38
If you can't prove that your client
31:41
has eaten more than 30 pounds of gummy bears,
31:43
then I'm sorry.
31:44
I'm afraid that her culpability
31:47
in this matter still maintains.
31:49
Your Honor, I hold up a phone
31:52
that is already on Amazon
31:54
and I am hereby ordering 35 pounds of gummy bears, was it?
32:02
Yes.
32:03
To be delivered to this courtroom.
32:04
If my client consumes these gummy bears prior to recess,
32:09
it's play ball.
32:12
Now, now, now.
32:14
Now, no, no.
32:15
You know that, sir, sir, no, no trying to get one by the judge here.
32:20
You know that the gummy bears need to have been in the system
32:24
when the crime was committed.
32:29
That's true.
32:31
Thank you.
32:31
Thank you for acknowledging the rules.
32:33
There's no post-facto gummy bear ingestion allowed.
32:38
Amen, amen, amen.
32:41
Now, real quick,
32:43
rock, paper, scissors to determine my client goes free.
32:47
Nope, nope, nope.
32:48
Your Honor, you have to.
32:50
Habeas, yaha, says that you're bound by the laws of your hair.
32:56
No, none of the hair-bounding laws.
32:59
I stopped being in effect after the 1972 decision by the Supreme Court,
33:06
the Court of Supremes, as we like to call it,
33:09
that said very clearly that since the world was going bald at a more rapid rate,
33:17
that hair could no longer be a determinant.
33:19
in deciding these matters.
33:21
Now, Counselor, I'm assuming you know that.
33:24
It would be very embarrassing for you if you did not.
33:27
Argument withdrawn.
33:29
Thank you.
33:30
Now, I'm looking at the charges here against your client.
33:35
This is some pretty serious stuff.
33:37
Yes, you see, I wrote bull.
33:40
You wrote bull?
33:41
Bull.
33:42
B-U-L-L?
33:44
Yes.
33:45
Because the bull charges.
33:48
Yes.
33:48
Can't we laugh in this courtroom?
33:51
I am not above a good pun.
33:55
I appreciate your levity, counselor.
33:58
God bless.
33:59
God bless.
34:01
Now, it says here that your client,
34:05
at the age of 14,
34:09
declared everlasting faithfulness
34:12
to the Spice Girls,
34:15
and the Spice Girls only.
34:18
But then later went on to eschew that faithfulness
34:25
by becoming not only a fan of Britney Spears
34:28
and Christina Aguilera, but also Taylor Swift,
34:32
thereby abandoning her faithfulness to the Spice Girls.
34:36
Now, that is some serious, serious allegations.
34:41
Your Honor.
34:42
Yes.
34:43
spoken to a expert in human existence. They have assured me that the human body becomes anew
34:51
every seven years as the last cell is turned over. That's a science fact. Therefore, the person who
34:59
committed themselves, as you suggested, after seven years would no longer be bound because they are a
35:05
new person. Yes, but it
35:07
says here that it was at the age of
35:09
20 that your young
35:11
client went to
35:13
a Britney Spears concert,
35:16
thereby, again,
35:18
keeping her culpability in this matter
35:19
and her lack of faithfulness
35:21
to...
35:23
Oh no, is that a donk?
35:26
Yes, Your Honor.
35:28
I invoke the donk.
35:31
Very well. Even a judge is not
35:33
above
35:34
the donk.
35:37
Thank you, Your Honor.
35:40
We all have to have a burrow now.
35:42
Here, I brought some from home.
35:46
Gotta admit, this is hitting the spot.
35:48
Yes.
35:48
I was a bit peckish.
35:49
Yes, my husband made it.
35:51
Yes, I'm gay.
35:54
No, I need to stop you right there, son.
35:59
It's illegal to be gay.
36:02
So I'm gonna pretend like you didn't say that.
36:04
I was trying to slip it in. We all know that if you slip it in, in it goes.
36:09
That's correct.
36:11
Your Honor, I also invoke the rule of hammers, which says clearly that if one is struck by an object in a manner of blunt force, Your Honor,
36:24
they are no longer culpable for any crimes that may or may not have been committed.
36:28
It just so happens a nearby home repair specialist flung a hammer, literally, as it would be.
36:39
And it hit, it did hit my client right before.
36:44
Oh, it was horrible.
36:46
Now, do you have proof of this?
36:48
We need video evidence for this rule to be invoked.
36:51
and again this is this is not a situation where you can post facto hit your client
36:59
and then claim this rule i have proof now ladies and gentlemen of the juries we play this video
37:07
keep in mind that sometimes via movie magic it may look like an entirely different person being
37:14
assaulted. That's just the way it goes.
37:18
That's the
37:18
Shyamalan.
37:20
And here's the tape. Okay.
37:23
Bailiff, could you please roll the
37:24
tape?
37:26
Okay.
37:28
Hmm?
37:31
La la la la la la. I'm having a
37:34
good day.
37:35
Ugh!
37:37
No! Blood first Shyamalan!
37:41
Hmm.
37:42
Well, that's a very interesting video.
37:45
And it would be compelling evidence if I didn't know one thing.
37:52
Your Honor?
37:54
That was me in that video.
37:56
What?
37:57
That was me in that video.
37:58
You found a video on the internet.
38:02
No!
38:03
Oh, how else?
38:05
That video was on America's Funniest Home Videos.
38:08
Oh, shitballs.
38:09
I'd know that anywhere.
38:10
I met Bob Saget because of that video.
38:13
You think I wouldn't remember that?
38:14
Well, I don't remember the incident itself
38:16
because of the Blunt Force drama,
38:17
but I remember the aftermath of that video.
38:21
How dare you, sir, try to pass off a fake video.
38:26
Choo-choo!
38:28
Oh, no.
38:28
Choo-choo!
38:29
Trains are coming.
38:31
I invoke the law of trains.
38:37
On what grounds, Counselor?
38:39
On the grounds of a corrupt station.
38:41
On the grounds of a line conductor.
38:44
On the grounds of a caboose.
38:48
This caboose.
38:51
That's why we like courtrooms to be pantless.
38:55
That's right, Your Honor.
38:56
So you can make a solid backside joke.
38:59
Yes.
39:00
I have one last...
39:02
dish effort.
39:06
Well, again, right now,
39:08
The culpability of your client is still in question
39:11
Not after this, Your Honor
39:13
Go on
39:15
Happy birthday to the judge
39:25
Happy birthday to the judge
39:32
Happy birthday
39:38
to church.
39:46
Happy birthday
39:48
to...
39:50
Wow, you really are pulling out all the stops.
40:01
It's the Marilyn Monroe defense.
40:06
I am not unmoved.
40:08
What does that mean?
40:12
Is that mean for us?
40:14
I'm saying
40:15
Something is stirring under these robes
40:20
Oh
40:20
Oh
40:22
Who's pointing under there?
40:27
Well, by the law of erections
40:28
Your client is free to go
40:33
You got off!
40:34
And so did I
40:35
Yes
40:37
that was that all sounded real to me you're the lawyer well i watched the closer oh yeah so
40:47
pretty close yeah pretty close pretty close i know i know that show doesn't center on legal
40:54
drama but it's adjacent that's the one with um glenn close no wait glenn closer
41:01
what's the one with Glenn Close
41:04
the Ryan Murphy one
41:06
all's fair
41:07
no
41:09
the all female
41:12
lawyer
41:13
Rose Byrne is in it
41:15
Rose Byrne is in the one with Glenn Close
41:18
yeah but that's not
41:20
all's fair I did watch that show
41:22
was it good I remember enjoying it
41:24
no
41:25
no it's not the show you're thinking of
41:27
it's like at least 10 years
41:29
I thought we were talking about
41:30
I can't keep up with us
41:34
No
41:35
You can't keep up with Glenn Close
41:37
She's just doing everything
41:38
Kira Sedgwick is from The Close
41:40
Oh that's right
41:41
Yes Kira Sedgwick
41:42
I just love her
41:44
She's still Kevin Bacon?
41:47
Yeah
41:48
Good for them
41:49
Yeah good for them
41:51
Bakey and the Sedge
41:53
B-b-b-bakey and the Sedge
41:57
That's really good
41:58
Thanks
41:59
Immortalize that somehow
42:00
Did you look up what the TV show is show you no I just I made sure that Glenn close Oh he held up his you always go the other way Like a shotgun on the mantle So we been waiting for him to I know
42:21
Here we are with bated breath.
42:23
What do we think it was called?
42:25
What do you think it was called?
42:27
Just look up Glenn Close Rose Byrne show.
42:31
Yeah.
42:33
It's, uh, I did watch it.
42:35
It's something, but Glenn Close...
42:38
Damages.
42:39
Damages.
42:39
Yes.
42:43
Glenn Close was actually, she just played the villain the whole time.
42:47
Like she wasn't a good person and never became a good person.
42:49
Oh, I love that for her.
42:50
I know.
42:51
It worked out.
42:52
That's great.
42:52
Yep.
42:52
And then Rose Byrne a little bit became a bad person too.
42:56
Hmm.
42:56
Yeah.
42:57
Anyway, well, that wraps up Atticus Bitch.
43:01
These have been the rulings of Judge Bitch.
43:06
It's time now for our last segment.
43:09
The big question.
43:12
The question is very big.
43:16
Francis, you are off the hook today for coming up with a big question.
43:20
Okay.
43:21
Not because of me.
43:23
I do have one.
43:25
Well, save it for the next one.
43:27
That's great.
43:28
That's good to know.
43:29
Do you want me to save this one for the next one?
43:30
No, I want that one.
43:31
Okay.
43:34
This is a user submitted, or not user, a listener submitted.
43:38
We like to use our listeners.
43:40
Yes.
43:40
It's an abuser submitted.
43:42
Yeah.
43:42
An abused submitted.
43:45
If you would like to submit your own big question for us, you may email us very fine friends at gmail.com, which is what this listener did.
43:54
Okay.
43:55
Here's the question.
43:58
You have two weeks until your execution.
44:01
Your guard is your future executioner.
44:04
So he's always around you.
44:05
how would you convince him in one fortnight to help you escape instead of killing you
44:12
and says in parentheses no francis you can't just seduce him
44:16
signed a predator on death row with two weeks before their execution now i feel bad because
44:22
this came in like a week ago so yeah uh so well it could help others maybe it won't help them yeah
44:29
no seducing
44:31
no seducing
44:33
that's the best plan ever
44:35
I don't know sometimes you don't
44:41
you don't want to know what it's like to sleep with everybody
44:43
little mystery is good
44:46
little mystery is good
44:47
you can just imagine what it's like to sleep with your prison guard
44:50
right
44:53
okay you want to go
44:55
um it's up to you you can go first if you want i feel like i always answer the big question first
45:04
because you always ask it so maybe we can go okay i'll go first okay so let me just recap for anyone
45:09
who just tuned in i'm in prison i'm two weeks away from being executed the guard is that is seeing me
45:18
is
45:19
the card is
45:23
that's outside my cell that
45:25
does everything for me is
45:27
gonna kill me he's gonna be the one
45:29
I'm gonna figure out a way to get him to not kill me
45:31
and only have a fortnight to do it
45:33
well he's you can't use your sexuality
45:35
you can't
45:38
sleep with him that can't
45:39
be it you can't just be like well I make him fall in love
45:41
with me and then he lets me go okay I get it
45:43
yeah
45:43
but if he does it's incidental
45:46
he's gonna yeah
45:48
try not to fall in love with you
45:50
amen amen amen
45:51
and I've got two weeks
45:53
yep
45:54
let's see
45:57
and we can assume like all of our big questions
46:02
that there are resources
46:04
available to you on the table
46:06
mm-hmm
46:08
mm-hmm
46:09
I feel like if you can't use sex the best way to do it
46:12
is just to get really close
46:14
to him as a friend find out maybe something
46:16
the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to him
46:18
and then help him work through it.
46:21
And then you can start fostering that relationship
46:24
by being like, I mean, you're going to kill me anyway.
46:26
Can you at least talk to me?
46:28
Tell me about yourself?
46:30
I want to learn something new before I die.
46:34
I want to meet someone new.
46:35
Tell me about yourself.
46:36
I want to dance with somebody.
46:38
I want to feel the heat with somebody.
46:41
I always thought it was feel the beat.
46:44
I like that.
46:44
I feel the beat with somebody.
46:48
What about just straight up reverse psychology?
46:51
Because I'm thinking if he hears me talking every day and I'm just like, oh boy, only two weeks ago.
46:57
This is great.
47:00
I'm out of here.
47:01
I got away with it.
47:04
And I'm off this mortal coil.
47:06
Oh, yes.
47:08
Yeah.
47:08
And I'm like, ha ha, there's nothing you can do about it, sucker.
47:11
I'm getting iced and you're going to have to do it.
47:14
and know that I want it.
47:16
You're going to have to give me my greatest wish.
47:18
Yeah.
47:19
The thing I want most in this world.
47:21
I have pleasure in what I did.
47:23
Much pleasure.
47:25
Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.
47:26
Not as much pleasure as I'm going to take when you kill me.
47:29
But then how does he, how do you get him to help you escape?
47:33
Was that part of it?
47:34
Or did I just imagine that?
47:37
Yeah.
47:38
Yeah, help you escape.
47:39
How do you get him to help you escape?
47:40
well
47:43
considering I just
47:46
goaded him pretty hard
47:48
that's interesting
47:49
be like oh the only thing that would
47:52
suck me out would be to escape
47:54
I hope
47:55
no one that I've been goading for the past
47:58
two weeks decides to give me something I would really
48:00
hate if I don't die
48:02
god almighty I better stay in this cell
48:04
I would hate it if I was let free
48:06
you're right I think I'm pushing
48:08
the bounds of what is acceptable.
48:11
So let me try a different route.
48:13
I notice that the guard wears religious paraphernalia.
48:21
Yep.
48:22
I tell him, wow, that looks really close to the paraphernalia I had growing up.
48:30
Which religion?
48:32
I'm like, it's actually it's a nomination that you've, that most people haven't heard
48:36
of because there's only such a small number of people believing in it.
48:41
But I took it really seriously.
48:44
And since I've been in here, all I've been doing is remembering my roots and trying to
48:50
reconnect with my religion.
48:55
And what really kills me is that my religion is if you don't die in a certain place, you
49:04
don't get to go to heaven.
49:06
who if he's,
49:09
if he believes in religion,
49:12
he's probably like,
49:12
good,
49:12
I don't want you in heaven.
49:14
But all that means is I'm stuck here,
49:16
torturing the people that are still alive that I hurt.
49:21
And I have no reason to stop doing that.
49:24
So,
49:25
I mean,
49:26
why am I telling you this?
49:27
I don't care what happens to me.
49:28
I'm just some,
49:29
just some jerk who did crimes.
49:31
So you're hoping that a devout religious person is going to suddenly believe all of the tenants of your
49:36
new and unheard of religion.
49:40
Yes.
49:41
What the name of your religion My name of my religion is
49:53
We all...
49:56
And it sounds remarkably like we are and we all.
50:00
And we had a field day with that.
50:03
It really helped with unity.
50:06
We all.
50:08
We all.
50:10
We all, we all, we all.
50:11
that's one of our classics
50:14
so I'm gonna sing that
50:17
in my cell
50:18
and he's gonna be moved to tears
50:21
think of it
50:22
I think of the emotion I can put into it
50:24
I cry in between it
50:27
he starts singing it
50:29
he goes home his wife's like
50:30
honey what's that
50:31
and he's like
50:33
and he tells her
50:34
and she's like oh my god
50:35
she breaks him down
50:37
she's like you're gonna let a religious man
50:39
not go
50:41
and then he's like
50:44
I like how you
50:47
said you know I'm going to pivot to something
50:50
a little bit more in bounds and then you
50:52
described all of these very
50:54
specific things that have to happen
50:56
and
50:57
I just keep telling him about the yearnings
51:01
and
51:04
he caves
51:07
and he does it.
51:14
You, Prute?
51:17
Okay.
51:18
At you?
51:21
I think I would
51:23
seduce him.
51:26
Just good old-fashioned porking.
51:27
Hey!
51:28
Nothing wrong with that.
51:29
My plan.
51:31
I would
51:31
well first of all it i think it i'm gonna it's gonna tie in with my crime why i'm in jail um
51:42
i uh tried to anthrax poison a whole bunch of people tried and succeeded in some cases
51:52
in most cases i was really good at my job yeah your job somebody paid you
51:57
I paid me.
52:00
It's an LLC.
52:05
Anyway.
52:06
It's Jenna's shell company.
52:08
Yeah.
52:09
That's what we did.
52:11
Now you know.
52:12
I was in someone else's home.
52:13
Now let me unswitch your Rufus.
52:18
I forgot that we named it that,
52:20
and I'm like, why are you saying it like that?
52:23
Because you told me to put two O's.
52:25
I remember now.
52:29
So I would.
52:35
I would.
52:40
Basically, he's got his daughter.
52:42
He has a daughter.
52:43
He has a daughter.
52:44
And I'm so good with anthrax.
52:45
I know the right levels.
52:46
And what they did, the world doesn't know is I left behind basically like my mentee, like an intern.
52:54
someone that was just my devoted assistant.
52:57
Your protege.
52:58
Protege, yes, thank you.
53:00
And so I left behind someone that they didn't catch,
53:04
that they didn't know about.
53:07
And so he's still on the outside with access to all my anthrax.
53:13
I had a lot of it.
53:16
You weren't done.
53:17
No, no, just getting started.
53:20
Getting warmed up, baby.
53:22
Like I said, I was really good at it.
53:24
Yeah. Well, it's like LeBron James quitting after season four.
53:29
You're losing me.
53:31
Okay. Well, whatever. Uh, so
53:33
I would have my protege basically just mildly anthrax poison his daughter,
53:44
which is something you can do with anthrax. There are apparently degrees to it. I am telling you that now.
53:48
and I
53:51
so he would be coming into work like
53:53
distraught because his daughter is
53:55
like seemingly on her deathbed
53:57
not dead yet
53:58
and then I'd
54:00
he's got to watch me all day and this is the
54:03
number one thing on his mind
54:04
so I'd be talking to him and talking to him
54:07
you know just like because he's got no one else to talk to
54:09
so he's telling me all about it and I'd be like
54:10
it's really interesting those are her symptoms
54:13
huh because they don't know what happened
54:15
no one knows what happened just suddenly his daughter
54:17
super sick and on her deathbed. And then I'd be like, oh, interesting. Is she exhibiting
54:26
red marks around her forearms? And you'd be like, yes, she is. And you'd be like, huh,
54:35
very interesting. Does she occasionally, when she first collapsed, was she foaming at the
54:44
mouth. Yes, yes, she was. She was foaming at the mouth. Interesting, interesting.
54:51
And had she recently come in contact with an envelope of some kind, maybe something like a
54:56
birthday card that was sent to her from an anonymous person? He was like, yes, and we
55:03
couldn't figure it out. We thought maybe it was her grandmother just, she's getting a little old
55:07
and demented. We thought maybe she forgot to sign the card or something. And it was a month early
55:11
too so we were thinking maybe grandma's slipping a little bit but why are you asking me how would
55:15
you possibly know that and be like it was me i did it and i'm the only one with the antidote
55:23
and he will be like what no you did this and then at first he starts rushing at the bars of the cell
55:32
you bastard you bastard trying to get at me and be like do you want your daughter to live
55:38
and then he's that sobers him up real quick and then i tell him basically you have to get me out
55:45
of here you have to help me escape that's the only way your daughter lives and the second that i am
55:51
free in the world your daughter will receive the antidote and he loves his daughter he and his wife
56:00
tried really hard to get pregnant she couldn't get pregnant for the longest time they finally gave up
56:04
And it was like 10 years later and then it was a miracle baby.
56:07
So this is like he would do anything for his daughter.
56:12
And now here I thought you were going to say that the person you had on the outside kept on killing people.
56:21
So it looked like you were innocent.
56:23
No.
56:24
And then you got out.
56:25
You convinced him to be like, look, it's still going on.
56:27
I had nothing to do with it.
56:28
Come to find out you took another victim.
56:31
Yeah.
56:31
Well, because with only two weeks, the legal system grinds to a halt.
56:36
I mean, like, you know, you're a lawyer.
56:38
It takes more than two weeks to get anything done.
56:42
So, no, I mean, just the time for that would have been during the trial.
56:47
That could have helped you because, like, I only have two.
56:49
Nothing's going to happen.
56:50
But, look, you know.
56:51
And then he feels guilt and a moral imperative to help you because he knows time is not on your side.
56:58
That could have been.
56:58
But you.
57:00
No, I went the evil route.
57:01
You went the evil route.
57:02
Yeah.
57:02
Oh.
57:03
I think they both would work.
57:05
Yeah?
57:06
I think your way would work, too.
57:08
Yeah.
57:09
Well, both methods contain yearnings.
57:13
Yes they do That good though Yeah
57:24
So that's how I do it.
57:27
Well, we both have an ironclad method.
57:31
We're both free now.
57:33
So, yeah, we're both free.
57:35
Ben's daughter lived.
57:37
For a few more days.
57:41
Yeah, well, at least.
57:42
I don't know.
57:43
Once I, I mean,
57:44
didn't check in.
57:45
Well, I,
57:46
I would actually follow through on it because I don't want him then hunting
57:49
me.
57:50
If his daughter's safe and then I escape,
57:52
he's less inclined to make it like a vendetta against you are 100%
57:57
correct.
57:58
Yeah.
57:59
So, okay.
58:01
Thank you.
58:01
All right.
58:02
Well, I hope that answers your question,
58:04
uh, listener.
58:06
And I hope that you have access to anthrax and a protege on the outside
58:10
that can wield it for you.
58:11
I can't wait for both of us to get a knock at our door.
58:15
Oh, hi, officer.
58:16
What's all this about?
58:18
Friend of the pot.
58:21
That wraps up the big question.
58:24
The big question.
58:26
All right.
58:28
One final bit of business.
58:30
Oh.
58:32
Yeah.
58:34
You were.
58:35
I'm pulling some shit.
58:37
Yeah, you are.
58:41
All right.
58:42
I'm just going to start guessing.
58:44
You are?
58:45
Yeah.
58:45
Okay.
58:46
Unless you want to go first.
58:47
No, no, no.
58:52
Cane?
58:54
No.
58:55
Carbon?
58:56
Did I say that?
58:57
Yes.
58:57
No.
58:58
Monoxide?
59:00
Oh, no.
59:03
Bull?
59:05
No.
59:07
Good, because I said that.
59:09
Burrow?
59:10
No.
59:11
Donk?
59:14
No.
59:16
Hammers?
59:18
Mm-mm.
59:19
Caboose?
59:20
No, but I wish.
59:24
Religious?
59:26
No.
59:27
Paraphernalia?
59:29
No.
59:31
Mortal?
59:32
No.
59:33
You've run all this down?
59:34
Yeah.
59:35
Oh, I didn't even see you.
59:36
Coil?
59:37
No.
59:37
now the real question i have one word left that i want to guess and now do i guess it as
59:47
the decoy or the real word i think i had this exact same dilemma a few weeks ago
59:53
i'm gonna guess it as
1:00:01
i'm gonna guess it as your real word
1:00:08
is your word yearnings or yearning decoy no you said it so many times after you it was like okay
1:00:20
you said it in you said it in a different segment and then you said it twice just now
1:00:26
that i was like is he being a little bastard and trying to trick me with his
1:00:29
yearning the first time
1:00:31
you said yearning which is what I wrote down
1:00:33
and then you said yearnings
1:00:34
that wasn't my word
1:00:35
you had to repeat it
1:00:38
ah fuck you
1:00:40
damn it
1:00:42
that's the only reason I repeated it is because I wanted to make sure I said it right
1:00:44
and then I was like
1:00:46
and then you said it one more time and then I thought
1:00:48
okay he's trying to make me pick this as his decoy
1:00:50
god damn it
1:00:51
ugh
1:00:53
I hate that
1:00:55
sorry
1:00:56
you should be sorry
1:00:59
Okay, my turn.
1:01:04
All right.
1:01:06
Is your word exacerbating?
1:01:10
No.
1:01:19
Is your word squatting?
1:01:21
No.
1:01:23
Foaming?
1:01:25
Nope.
1:01:29
Taipei?
1:01:31
No.
1:01:35
Mystery?
1:01:37
Nope.
1:01:39
Levity?
1:01:43
No.
1:01:44
Sorry.
1:01:45
It's okay.
1:01:45
She shook her head.
1:01:46
I knew.
1:01:46
Yeah.
1:01:47
I wrote this down.
1:01:48
I thought it was like WFH.
1:01:50
Work from home.
1:01:51
Oh.
1:01:53
Pieta Terre?
1:01:54
Nope.
1:01:55
Letter?
1:01:58
Albuquerque.
1:01:59
No.
1:02:03
Sample?
1:02:04
Nope.
1:02:06
Did I say squatter?
1:02:07
You said squatting, but it's not a squatter.
1:02:14
Is your decoy word antidote?
1:02:18
Mm-mm.
1:02:19
Is your decoy word anthrax?
1:02:21
Nope.
1:02:23
Is your decoy word a shoe?
1:02:26
Nope.
1:02:29
I'm out.
1:02:32
My decoy word was faithfulness.
1:02:36
No memory of that.
1:02:37
Yeah, I said that your client promised everlasting faithfulness to the Spice Girls.
1:02:44
And she eschewed that faithfulness.
1:02:47
I was right there.
1:02:48
Yep.
1:02:48
Okay.
1:02:49
And my real word was culpability.
1:02:54
No memory of that.
1:02:55
I said it like eight times.
1:02:56
You did?
1:02:56
Yes.
1:02:57
I said your client, the culpability of your client is still on the table multiple times.
1:03:02
Oh, I forgot to tell you my real word.
1:03:04
Oh, yeah.
1:03:05
Yeah, what was it?
1:03:06
Switcheroo.
1:03:08
What?
1:03:11
Wait, so I didn't say it, though.
1:03:13
I don't think we could say you did because you...
1:03:15
Technically, did you say it, too?
1:03:17
Yeah, well, I said it the first time.
1:03:19
You did?
1:03:20
Yeah.
1:03:20
Okay.
1:03:21
And then later I...
1:03:22
No, you said switch your office.
1:03:24
No, no, no.
1:03:24
In the beginning, I said something about it being a switcheroo.
1:03:27
And then later I made it, let's make it part of the name.
1:03:31
Okay.
1:03:31
That first part I didn't hear.
1:03:33
Oh, and then I would say.
1:03:34
Yeah.
1:03:34
I don't know.
1:03:35
I wouldn't say you said it because every time you said it, it was switcheroo.
1:03:38
I said switcheroo.
1:03:39
Oh, thank God.
1:03:41
Yeah.
1:03:41
You said it four times.
1:03:42
Oof.
1:03:44
Yeah.
1:03:44
Switcheroo.
1:03:45
Oh, man.
1:03:45
I wouldn't cap that.
1:03:46
I was like sitting there going, nah.
1:03:48
Wait, was that why you came up or did it just work out?
1:03:52
With the invention?
1:03:52
Yeah.
1:03:53
No.
1:03:53
That's just how I fit it in.
1:03:55
Okay.
1:03:55
That would have been amazing if you got the word switcheroo at the very beginning,
1:03:58
right before we record, and then you come up with a whole invention just to say switcheroo.
1:04:02
Maybe I'll try that next week.
1:04:04
Oh, okay.
1:04:04
All right.
1:04:05
Good to know.
1:04:06
Yeah, I'm looking out for it now.
1:04:08
Oh, congratulations, Francis.
1:04:10
It's only one point, right?
1:04:12
Yeah, but no, I guess you're a decoy, so it's one point.
1:04:16
Yeah.
1:04:16
Yeah.
1:04:17
So, well, it's one more point, so you're still winning.
1:04:23
cool i'm so annoyed sorry although it is funny but switcherufus i would have been really annoyed
1:04:31
if i had said that okay well that uh that's it another episode in the books bye everyone