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What to Do When You're Envious of Someone Else's Marriage · Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

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  Bart Leger: Jen was scrolling one night when the feeling hit
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  her again. There it was, another friend's post about her
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  wonderful husband. An anniversary caption. A photo
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  where the two of them looked like they'd never had a rough
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  day. Jen was married too, and happy enough, but something in
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  her still pinched. she started to wonder if everyone else had
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  figured out something about marriage that she she thought
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  back to her dating years. Back then, when a boyfriend
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  frustrated her, she'd call a friend and talk about it for an
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  hour. Everybody did. You heard the good and the messy, so
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  nobody's relationship looked flawless. Married life felt
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  different, and at first, she couldn't figure out why. All she
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  knew was that her friend's marriages looked airtight, and
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  hers, seen from the inside, looked like work. We'll come
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  back to what Jen figured out, but first,
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  welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm Bart Leger. As a
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  pastor, people sometimes come to me discouraged about their own
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  marriage, and often it's because they've been looking at someone
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  else's. They're sure the couple across the room never argues and
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  never goes to bed frustrated. I end up telling them the same
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  thing pretty much every time. You're only seeing that marriage
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  from the outside. You have no idea what goes on in their house
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  when no one is watching. Nobody does, except the two of them and
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  God. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. You watch another
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  couple, and something in you shrinks. They finish each
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  other's sentences. They at each other's jokes in a way you and
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  your spouse haven't in a long time. And you drive home from
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  that dinner or that gathering feeling worse than when you
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  walked in, taking inventory of everything your own marriage
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  seems to be missing. And it's an easy trap to fall into because
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  the comparison feels like information that's coming in
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  from everywhere, and yours, your marriage doesn't even stack up.
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  It looks like you're seeing the truth about their marriage and
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  yours side by side. But the comparison is rigged. You're
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  measuring what they let you see against everything you know
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  about your own. Paul put his finger on the root of this, and
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  it goes deeper than marriage. Listen to 1 Timothy 6, verses
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  6-8. Now godliness with contentment is great gain, for
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  we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can
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  carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we
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  shall be content. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Paul
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  is warning Timothy about measuring your life by what you
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  don't have. The moment you start ranking yourself against
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  everyone else, you lose, because there is always someone else
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  with more or what we think is more, and the wanting never ends.
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  Contentment breaks that cycle. It's the decision to receive
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  what God has given you as enough and to stop grading it against
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  the next person. So, bring that home to your marriage. Your
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  marriage is not their marriage, and it was never supposed to be.
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  You don't see what happens between that couple in private,
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  the tense conversations, and the weeks they'd never post about.
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  What you have in front of you is your own marriage, with its
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  ordinary work and its own history. And, here's the hope.
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  God can do something in that marriage that no amount of
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  comparing ever will. Comparison only points out where you come
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  up short. God gets to work right where you are in the marriage
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  you have. Then, it clicked. Once two people say, I do, they stop
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  airing the small stuff. You don't call a friend to vent
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  about your husband the way you once vented about a boyfriend.
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  It feels like betraying a teammate. So, every married
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  couple starts presenting as one happy unit, and the arguments
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  and the cold mornings all happen offstage. comparing her
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  backstage to everyone else's highlight reel. The marriages
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  she envied weren't better than hers, necessarily. She just
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  couldn't see their offstage the way she saw her own. And that's
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  the thing for us to hold on to. You've been comparing your
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  backstage to everyone else's highlight reel. You know every
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  unglamorous detail about your own marriage, and you almost
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  know nothing of theirs. The couple you envy has some pretty
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  tough mornings, too. You just don't get to see them. Here's
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  today's challenge. The next time you catch yourself envying
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  another couple, stop and name the one thing you're grateful
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  for in your own marriage. Not, you know, any great grand thing.
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  Or maybe just the way your spouse makes the coffee or
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  checks on you after a long day. Then, take five minutes and ask
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  God to work in your marriage the one you have instead of asking
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  Him to make it look like someone else's. Contentment usually
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  starts with paying attention to what's already in your hands.
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  Father, forgive us for measuring our marriages against everyone
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  else's and for warning what we think other people have. Thank
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  you that you've never asked us to have someone else's marriage.
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  You gave us this one with its own two people and its own
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  history. Teach us contentment, the kind that receives what
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  you've given us enough, and do the work in our marriage that
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  only you can do. In Jesus' name, amen. If this episode encouraged
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  you today, would you share it with someone who might need to
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  hear it? Just go to dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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  slash 315 and copy the link. It only takes a second, and it
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  might make a real difference in someone's day.
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  Until then, God bless and have a great day.