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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Focusing On Life Offline · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, Emily a body here bring you another installment
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: of five Minute Friday. We made it to the weekend.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: You know, I had a short week. I took Monday
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: off to go to a little getaway actually physically called
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: the Getaway Cabin in the Eastern Catskills and it was
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: so wonderful, so much fun. If you've never heard of
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: these cabins, so to speak, they're little.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Kind of trailers, almost, I would call them. I think there's.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Wheels on one side of these so they can be moved.
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  Speaker 1: But basically it is a small cabin with a bed
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  Speaker 1: and a two burner stove. It has a fridge and
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: running water and a bathroom and a shower and heat,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and that's really all you need.
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  Speaker 2: It's also in an area with minimal.
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  Speaker 1: Cell phone service, so it was really nice for me
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  Speaker 1: just to, as I said, get away and unplug and
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: have some time off. But alas, I'm excited we're back
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: to the weekend. I'm excited and looking forward to jumping
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: in to the new Hurdle book club pick Bravy by
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Alexi Papas, and to sign up for that, the link
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: to do that is in the show Notes book Club.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: I'm announcing right now.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Is going to be at the end of the month
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: next month on February twenty third, so again link to
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: sign up for that is in the show notes for
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Five Minute Friday this week. If you're new to the series,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I typically on Fridays offer up a story from my
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: week or of recent times to share with you. Then
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I give you a thought prompt to say you into
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: the weekend and share some of my content picks the
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: things that I think are awesome from the past seven
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: days or things that I have found recently, because sometimes
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I'm late to the party stuff to do all of
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: that good stuff. So this week I'm thinking a lot
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: about boundaries and social media. I know I touched on
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: this a few times I think over the last year
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: or so, But in twenty twenty I got really deliberate
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  Speaker 1: with how I was interacting with social media.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: And I say that.
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  Speaker 1: Specifically, like I started to pay attention to the people
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: or the accounts that I was following and became really
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: cognizant that I control my own energy. So if I
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  Speaker 1: was opening my Instagram feed, for example, and I was
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  Speaker 1: seeing stuff there that didn't make me feel stellar, I
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: took ownership over the fact that I can stop following
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  Speaker 1: this person, or mute this person, or what have you.
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  Speaker 1: And so I went through a really big phase in
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  Speaker 1: the middle of twenty twenty where I decided to both
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: unfollow a bunch of accounts and also maybe block, to
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: be honest, some people from viewing my account or my
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  Speaker 1: Instagram story. And I realized that regardless of who the
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: people were that I blocked, some of them were old
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: friends that I felt like for a long time I
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: had been chasing, or perhaps ex boyfriends or other relationships flings,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: maybe even former colleagues. I realized that with some of
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: these people, I was concerned about what they might think
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  Speaker 1: if I blocked them, but not as concerned as I
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  Speaker 1: should have been with how allowing them access to my
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: life made me feel. It could have been years, months, weeks,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: days we last communicated, but I felt as though there
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: was something unhealthy about the fact that some of these
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: people may not have necessarily wanted anything to do with
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: the real me, but they wanted access to my digital life.
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  Speaker 1: And I understand that I only have so much control
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  Speaker 1: over who has access to my digital life because I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: am a public person. But in the Instagram world, when
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  Speaker 1: you can see who has quote unquote watched your story.
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  Speaker 1: It definitely plays like some sort of It makes you
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  Speaker 1: go through some mental gymnastics, right. You know, there would
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: be times where some of these individuals I would see
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  Speaker 1: their name on the scene list in my Instagram story
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  Speaker 1: and I would find like some strange satisfaction despite knowing
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  Speaker 1: that that view literally means nothing. There are so many
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  Speaker 1: reasons why this person their name could show up on
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: that list. They could have not been even watching it all,
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  Speaker 1: just going through the motions of mindlessly going through their
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  Speaker 1: feed and just hap and to stumble upon it. It
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean, you know, in the relationship sense, that this
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: person wants to date you again. It doesn't mean in
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: a work sense that maybe someone wants to work with you.
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  Speaker 1: It could mean a thousand different things. Despite what it
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  Speaker 1: might feel like, it means that's just me reiterating this,
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  Speaker 1: putting out a little PSA. And the other thing is
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  Speaker 1: that when they wouldn't look at my story, perhaps sometimes
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: it felt like an unnecessary blow to my ego. I
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  Speaker 1: feel like you can probably relate. And so finally, one
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  Speaker 1: day I decided to take matters into my own hands.
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  Speaker 1: After a phone call that I had with a friend
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  Speaker 1: of mine where I literally said the sentence, I am
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  Speaker 1: just tired of looking to see if certain people looked
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  Speaker 1: at my Instagram. And again, like, I get it, this
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: is like the lamest thing to talk about, but it's
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  Speaker 1: so true, and I was emotional about it, and so
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  Speaker 1: she just said to me, she said, then make so
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  Speaker 1: you don't have to deal with that and block them,
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  Speaker 1: and so I did. I can't recommend this enough. I
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: was definitely anxious at first, and I kind of I
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: definitely wondered what kind of message the block was sending.
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  Speaker 1: And of course this is me being over analytical and
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  Speaker 1: looking into things, but I had for so long prioritized
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  Speaker 1: their well being and how they might feel about my
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: actions instead of just prioritizing my mental health and where
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  Speaker 1: I was at with time. Post block, I actually felt
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  Speaker 1: great and I felt free. And maybe it sounds weird,
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  Speaker 1: but it's true. Now I'm not really someone who holds grudges,
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  Speaker 1: and I would say I went through this whole block
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  Speaker 1: situation cleaning up my Instagram probably in like July or
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  Speaker 1: August of last year. Come the turn of the new year,
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  Speaker 1: something clicked inside of me, as someone who doesn't really
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  Speaker 1: hold grudges that I wanted to release that list, and
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I thought to myself, I don't want to necessarily restrict
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: this anymore. I want to free it into the world.
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  Speaker 1: And if for some reason, like these interactions or whatever
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  Speaker 1: comes from this, does it make me feel good again
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  Speaker 1: that I can just go back to the block mentality.
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  Speaker 1: And as their names of the different people that I
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: let back into my life so to speak, as their
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  Speaker 1: names slowly started popping back up in the list, it
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  Speaker 1: did not trigger the same anxiety like it used to,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: like whether or not these people ever play an active
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: role in my life ever again, I definitely felt just
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: so much more at peace with the state of the relationships,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: or with some of them, with the lack thereof of relationships.
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  Speaker 1: One of these people recently reached out to me and
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  Speaker 1: we really had a really good conversation about what happened
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  Speaker 1: and a reckoning, I would say.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: And since then now.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: We talk pretty regularly, and I noticed our conversations over
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: the last couple of months that he's made a really big,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: concerted effort to check in on me from time to time,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: more so than in a long time in this relationship.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: And you know, he'll ask me about my day. He'll
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: ask me about the stuff I post on Instagram. He'll
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  Speaker 1: ask me about how my morning run was, or what
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: a workout was, or how work is going, just the
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: usual stuff that friends just check in with you about
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  Speaker 1: from time to time. And yesterday we were talking about
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  Speaker 1: something and I referenced something I mentioned in my Instagram
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  Speaker 1: story and he said to me, you know, I still
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: can't see your Instagram story. I had no clue. I
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: had no clue that I didn't remove him from the blocklist,
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  Speaker 1: And instantly I just had this moment of deep appreciation
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  Speaker 1: for the interactions we had just had over the last
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  Speaker 1: couple months, Like I really valued this person asking me
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: real questions instead of assuming that they knew what was
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: going on in my life outside of the stuff that
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: they were seeing on social media. And it made me wonder, like,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: is this what it was like when we didn't have Instagram?
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Is this what it was like when we didn't have
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  Speaker 1: Facebook or Twitter and we weren't so.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Quote unquote in the loop.
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  Speaker 1: To be honest, I don't really remember much about life
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  Speaker 1: before this time, But what I do know is that
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  Speaker 1: I really really appreciated that opportunity because it was a
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  Speaker 1: really nice reality check for me. You know, I long
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  Speaker 1: for more of these relationships. I want the kind of
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  Speaker 1: relationships where people check in on you despite following you
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  Speaker 1: on social and they ask questions regardless of what they've seen,
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  Speaker 1: and they don't make assumptions based on carefully curated fifteen
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  Speaker 1: second clips of someone's life on an app, Like, that's
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: what I want. And so I apologize to him. He said,
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  Speaker 1: I will promise to keep up asking you things. I
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: removed him from the blocked list and he made a
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: joke like maybe he should just keep me muted. My
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: takeaway from all of this feel like I'm getting into
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  Speaker 1: Ramble territory, is check in, you know, check in regularly
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  Speaker 1: and keep the people in your circle, both on the
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  Speaker 1: Gram and irl, keep the ones that make you feel
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  Speaker 1: full around you know, we have the opportunity to control
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  Speaker 1: the energy in our lives and how we nourish our
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  Speaker 1: very being.
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  Speaker 2: Especially now.
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  Speaker 1: Shit is hard, right and to be honest with you,
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  Speaker 1: that's not changing. So we gotta take care of each other.
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  Speaker 1: We need each other, and in larger doses than what
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  Speaker 1: you see on an Instagram story. My PROMPTU you this week,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: what's one positive way you can shift your use of
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: social media, whether it's with the accounts you follow or
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: don't follow, or the apps maybe that you want to
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: use less or more. Again, what is one positive way
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: you can shift your use of social media? Highlights of
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: the Week. Links to all of this stuff can be
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: found in the show notes. If you are local to
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: New York, check out.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: The Whalebone Shop.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of Whalebone magazine and the other
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: day I was in the West Village when I stumbled
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: upon their super adorable shop on Bleeker. Inside the shop,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: you can do way more than just read the magazine
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: throughout January. Actually, Athleta is popping up inside. You can
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: eat plant based ice cream for free. I think you
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: can shop some of their favorite picks from local businesses,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: and of course, Caffeine fiends that you can snag a
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: nitro coffee from a cool brand called sail Away, so
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: definitely check that.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Out if you are local. A reading pick.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Shout out to Beck's Gentry for this recommendation. If you
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: missed our chat on the podcast from earlier this week,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: definitely check it out. Beck's recommended read Green Lights by
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey. I just got my copy in the mail.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to diving in maybe after I read Brady.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: As Bes explained on the Show on Monday, Basically, mcconaughe's
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: outlook is that people love green lights in life, right
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: like we like to be just smooth sailing, but we
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: don't necessarily love red and yellow lights because they often
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: indicate hardships. In the book, McConaughey talks about how life's
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: yellow and red lights ultimately turned to green if you
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: shift your perspective. There's a lot more in there. But
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I really like that mentality and I like that takeaway.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I've got a watch for you, Love Life on HBO Max.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: The other night I was asking for recommendations for my
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: next binge watch show. I've gone through Bridgerton and Industry
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: and the undoing, and so this was one of the
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: ones that came into the mix from all of you. Basically,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: it follows Anna Kendrick as she hunts for love in
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: her twenties and thirties living in New York City. Obviously
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: feels pretty applicable to me and my life. It's pretty mindless,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: but it's entertaining and if you're looking for an easy watch,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: this is a good one to add to your list.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Listen Brene Brown with Tim Ferriss and Dax Shepherd on podcasting,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: daily practices and the Long and Winding Path to Healing.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: This is on Brene's podcast. I have talked about how
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: much I love Tim Ferris and Dak Shepherd on the
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: show before.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: The three of them together are really funny.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I left a lot listening to this, and I really
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I also appreciate their perspective on the idea of having
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: a flexible identity and how sometimes it can be really,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: really difficult for us to be honest with ourselves, maybe
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: sometimes more so than being honest with other people.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: So give that a listen, and I think that's it.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: As always, if there is something you are hunting for,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: a link, you are looking for, recommendations you seek, I'm
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: here to please.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: I'm here to offer.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So if there's something that you want to hear about
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: on five Minute Friday, or if throughout your week you
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: consume some awesome content or a show, a book, a podcast,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: an article that you think the hurdlers would love, I
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: am always all ears. Feel free to send me your
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: recommendations over to Emily at hurdle dot Us at Hurdle
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: podcast and at Emily a body on social media with that,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.