Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #138 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#138 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:00
Speaker 1: I made Kylie breakfast in bed, chopped up a fruit
0:02
Speaker 1: salt with fresh everything so good to me, yogurt nuts,
0:06
Speaker 1: so drizzled honey over the top of it, and I
0:08
Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, this is going to be the
0:10
Speaker 1: morning that I talk about in the podcast where I
0:12
Speaker 1: say I just got this so right. It's the Happy
0:17
Speaker 1: Families Podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent who
0:20
Speaker 1: just wants answers. Now. Hello, my name's Doc's Justin Coulson.
0:23
Speaker 1: I'm here with my wife and co host, missus Happy Families,
0:26
Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson. We've got six kids, six daughters, and I'm
0:30
Speaker 1: the author of six books about raising happy families. Today, well,
0:33
Speaker 1: we decided to try a brand new feature, a new
0:35
Speaker 1: segment for the podcast, and I've got to confess it
0:38
Speaker 1: requires a little bit of exposure, a little bit of vulnerability,
0:43
Speaker 1: vulnerability on our part, and it's based on an idea
0:46
Speaker 1: from a book that we have fallen in love with
0:49
Speaker 1: over the years. We were given the book maybe twenty
0:51
Speaker 1: years ago after we had our first child, or twenty
0:53
Speaker 1: one years ago, I guess. And the book is called
0:56
Speaker 1: I'll Do Better Tomorrow.
0:58
Speaker 2: It's a great book, actually given to me when I
1:01
Speaker 2: was in childcare, and it's about a little boy and
1:06
Speaker 2: all of the wonderfully mischievous things that he gets up
1:09
Speaker 2: to through the day. And as the day progresses, he
1:13
Speaker 2: loses his mouth. He fills the bathtub up and forgets
1:16
Speaker 2: to turn the water off, slides the house. His mum's
1:19
Speaker 2: had enough, so she tells him to go and find
1:20
Speaker 2: something quiet to do.
1:21
Speaker 1: So he cuts all his little sister's curls off, shakes
1:24
Speaker 1: the dog. He just had a.
1:27
Speaker 2: Really really bad day, and so as he went to
1:30
Speaker 2: bed that night, his mum came in to tuck him
1:32
Speaker 2: in and put him, you know, kiss him good night.
1:35
Speaker 2: And he's really scared, so he pretends he's asleep, closes
1:38
Speaker 2: his eyes and just slays there as still as he can,
1:41
Speaker 2: and his mum, thinking that he's asleep, she kneels down
1:45
Speaker 2: beside his bed, gives him a little kiss on the cheek,
1:47
Speaker 2: and then starts to say a prayer. And as she
1:50
Speaker 2: opens up the prayer, she starts to cry, and she
1:53
Speaker 2: starts to list one by one all of the misdemeanors
1:56
Speaker 2: that this little kid's done all day, and his heart
1:59
Speaker 2: is just so heavy. He's feeling really really sad for
2:02
Speaker 2: what he's done, and he's just about to jump in
2:04
Speaker 2: and apologize to his mum when he hears her say,
2:08
Speaker 2: you know, God, please forgive me for all of the
2:11
Speaker 2: things that I did wrong today, for the way I
2:13
Speaker 2: interacted with my son and got angry at him, and
2:16
Speaker 2: helped me to be a better person tomorrow.
2:19
Speaker 1: I love that idea, and I can't read it about crying.
2:21
Speaker 1: You can't read it without crying. It just it gets
2:25
Speaker 1: us every time. So we've decided that we're going to
2:27
Speaker 1: let you know that sometimes we need to do better
2:29
Speaker 1: tomorrow as well, because if we do, we're pretty sure
2:31
Speaker 1: you do as well. I had a bit of a
2:33
Speaker 1: day earlier.
2:34
Speaker 2: I actually had this awesome experience.
2:36
Speaker 1: I was all planned to tell you all it was
2:37
Speaker 1: an awesome one. Actually, you know what. The idea of
2:41
Speaker 1: this segment was supposed to be that one of us
2:43
Speaker 1: would tell an experience where we totally got it right,
2:46
Speaker 1: and then the other one tell an experience where we
2:48
Speaker 1: totally got it wrong, just to sort of highlight that
2:50
Speaker 1: we all have our good days in our bad WEA.
2:52
Speaker 1: We had it all planned and then and then we
2:54
Speaker 1: had whatever day it was. What was it like Tuesday
2:56
Speaker 1: or Wednesday or something happened. The lousiest day ever. It
3:00
Speaker 1: was pretty rough. So the short version is that the
3:03
Speaker 1: morning went like this. I woke up early. Now we
3:05
Speaker 1: were exhausted because our year twelve daughter had her form
3:08
Speaker 1: all the night before, which meant that we got home
3:09
Speaker 1: from picking her up extremely late, probably two or three
3:12
Speaker 1: hours after our bedtime. I woke up and left Kylie
3:15
Speaker 1: in bed because I had work to do, and it
3:17
Speaker 1: was five o'clock in the morning. I didn't want to
3:18
Speaker 1: disturb her and lay there and do nothing, so I
3:20
Speaker 1: came out of the office and got started on stuff
3:22
Speaker 1: and then went upstairs at seven thirty and I was
3:25
Speaker 1: still asleep. Yeah, Kylie just decided not to get out
3:28
Speaker 1: of it at all, absolutely crashed out. So I made
3:31
Speaker 1: Kylie breakfast in bed, chopped up a fruit salt with
3:34
Speaker 1: fresh everything so good to me, yo good nuts, so
3:37
Speaker 1: drizzled honey over the top of it, and I was
3:40
Speaker 1: thinking to myself, this is going to be the morning
3:42
Speaker 1: that I talk about in the podcast where I say
3:44
Speaker 1: I just got this so right. In fact, I was
3:46
Speaker 1: feeling so confident that I said, to the kids, get
3:49
Speaker 1: yourselves organized, we'll ride to school today. So in the car,
3:53
Speaker 1: it's about three minutes on the bike because there's a
3:55
Speaker 1: couple of hills and it's a bit tricky. It's probably
3:56
Speaker 1: about twenty minutes on my Emily. She's only sick, so
4:00
Speaker 1: she's just a little baby really, and so I don't
4:03
Speaker 1: know what happened, but I gave Kylie breakfast in bed,
4:06
Speaker 1: and Kylie just kind of never came out of the bedroom,
4:08
Speaker 1: never surfaced, which is probably a bit unfair. I expected
4:11
Speaker 1: her to shovel her breakfast in two minutes and then
4:13
Speaker 1: come out and help me get the kids going, and didn't.
4:16
Speaker 1: I needed to have a shower, walk, Yeah, and I'm
4:18
Speaker 1: just out there thinking I'm doing it all on my own.
4:20
Speaker 1: I've made a breakfast in bed, for goodness sakes, what's
4:22
Speaker 1: going on?
4:23
Speaker 2: You kind of lost it at that point, didn't you.
4:25
Speaker 1: I didn't have a good morning. And while I don't
4:27
Speaker 1: think that I was necessarily cruel or unkind to anyone,
4:30
Speaker 1: I just I got a bit shouty. I turned into
4:32
Speaker 1: shouty dad. I pretty much forgot to do all the
4:35
Speaker 1: stuff that I talk about in my seminars.
4:36
Speaker 2: Well, in the process of having done all of those
4:38
Speaker 2: amazing things, kind of undid it because left me feeling
4:42
Speaker 2: like feeling guilty, and.
4:44
Speaker 1: Left the kids feeling lousy. I just I mean, I
4:46
Speaker 1: really did a bad job. And then of course you
4:48
Speaker 1: left in a bad mood, taking the kids to school,
4:49
Speaker 1: and I went back to the office so that I
4:51
Speaker 1: could figure out how to help other people make their
4:53
Speaker 1: families happy, thinking, gosh, I'm in a crack.
4:56
Speaker 2: I wish it edited there though, oh you want to
4:58
Speaker 2: talk about the outternot It didn't.
5:01
Speaker 1: So the afternoon in a nutshell, we.
5:04
Speaker 2: Had a trader arrived ten minutes before I was supposed
5:06
Speaker 2: to walk out the door that blew out. Obviously you
5:09
Speaker 2: stayed with him. I left, took the kids to swimming.
5:11
Speaker 2: Swimming went fine, yeah.
5:13
Speaker 1: But then we got this one of the kids forgot
5:16
Speaker 1: her music lesson, and the music lesson is a long
5:18
Speaker 1: way away, and you had to get back to get
5:20
Speaker 1: her there. But there was no way she was going
5:21
Speaker 1: to make it. She should have missed the lesson, and
5:24
Speaker 1: so all of a sudden, I'm driving her to you
5:25
Speaker 1: and swapping cars and things, and I've got to get
5:28
Speaker 1: back to the office because I've.
5:29
Speaker 2: Seen it's not made.
5:30
Speaker 1: There was no dinner, you're right, and I had a
5:32
Speaker 1: webinar to run, and now I've got all these little kids.
5:35
Speaker 1: You're out with the big kids, and.
5:36
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to be home until well after you started,
5:40
Speaker 2: and it was just it.
5:41
Speaker 1: Was horrendous, And then somehow we still pulled it off.
5:44
Speaker 1: I did the webinar, you got home, everyone had an
5:47
Speaker 1: acceptable dinner, and I came up after the webinar and
5:50
Speaker 1: I was actually feeling really good, but we had some visitors,
5:53
Speaker 1: unexpected drop ins, and I just got busy. There was
5:57
Speaker 1: a little bit of dinner left me, not nearly enough,
5:59
Speaker 1: so that put me in a bad mood.
6:00
Speaker 2: Well, see, I've been trying to practice what I've been
6:02
Speaker 2: reading and book club about being where.
6:04
Speaker 1: Your feet so you're being present for them.
6:06
Speaker 2: I was trying to be really present with the guests
6:08
Speaker 2: because they were sitting at the dining table, so instead
6:09
Speaker 2: of being at the kitchen bench cleaning up and doing
6:12
Speaker 2: all the things that I would normally do, I felt
6:14
Speaker 2: really needing to be right there present with them. They
6:19
Speaker 2: needed my attention and time.
6:20
Speaker 1: So I had this tiny little bit of dinner because
6:22
Speaker 1: everyone ate all the rest of it. I just had
6:24
Speaker 1: this tiny bit of dinner and then I'm like, oh, well,
6:25
Speaker 1: I might as well clean and pack up, and so
6:28
Speaker 1: I did, and I felt very noble doing it, and
6:29
Speaker 1: I did it willingly. I wasn't in a bad mood
6:32
Speaker 1: until they left and you went to bed and looked
6:36
Speaker 1: at your screen and didn't even say thanks to me,
6:38
Speaker 1: and I was just like, oh, you've got to be kidding.
6:40
Speaker 1: It's and I kind of wasn't at my best again.
6:44
Speaker 1: I just had a bad day, Really didn't I you did?
6:47
Speaker 2: Really has been allowed?
6:49
Speaker 1: So what's the point. Why are we telling you all
6:52
Speaker 1: of this big, sob story about how hard family life
6:54
Speaker 1: is and how we get it wrong. I guess there's
6:56
Speaker 1: probably a couple of take home messages that we really
6:58
Speaker 1: want to share as we focus on this idea of
7:00
Speaker 1: doing better tomorrow. Well, be we your feta.
7:03
Speaker 2: That was the first one, and that would have helped
7:06
Speaker 2: in so many situations.
7:08
Speaker 1: Why are you blaming me? You're saying no, no, no, no.
7:11
Speaker 2: Not at all me. I'd done the right thing with
7:14
Speaker 2: our visitors. But then once they'd left, I kind of
7:16
Speaker 2: felt like I could kind of just relax and I
7:19
Speaker 2: didn't need to be where my feet were with you
7:21
Speaker 2: because we just are. But it would have made such
7:24
Speaker 2: a difference to our relationship had I have just tapped in.
7:27
Speaker 1: With you instead of taking me for granted.
7:29
Speaker 2: Yes, But the other thing is overscheduling the morning. Even
7:34
Speaker 2: though I wasn't involved in the morning, how'd you have
7:36
Speaker 2: not added the complication and pressure of a bike ride
7:40
Speaker 2: and to the equation.
7:41
Speaker 1: Which didn't end up happening. And that's what set me off.
7:44
Speaker 2: That's exactly right, because you had this grand plan. You
7:46
Speaker 2: wanted to experience this opportunity with the kids, which was great.
7:52
Speaker 2: It was a great idea, but it just wasn't execute.
7:55
Speaker 1: Do you remember that story about the washing machine. No,
7:57
Speaker 1: So in the early days of our marriage, I think
7:59
Speaker 1: we had one, maybe two kids, and you were pregnant.
8:02
Speaker 1: You're pregnant with one of the kids, and so I
8:04
Speaker 1: got into the laundry and decided that I would you remember.
8:06
Speaker 1: I decided I was going to be really helpful, and
8:09
Speaker 1: so I sorted the whites from the darks, and then
8:10
Speaker 1: I loaded all the darks into the machine, and I
8:12
Speaker 1: mean I just crammed everything in because there was a
8:15
Speaker 1: lot of washing there. I turned on the machine and
8:17
Speaker 1: did the cycle, and when I pulled the darks out,
8:19
Speaker 1: it was dirtier than it had been when I loaded
8:23
Speaker 1: the machine. Up and put it on, and so I
8:25
Speaker 1: started thumbing through the Harvey Norman catalog so that I
8:27
Speaker 1: could work out, you know, we need a new washing machine.
8:29
Speaker 1: I wonder how much one's going to be. And you asked,
8:31
Speaker 1: why am I doing it? And my response was, have
8:33
Speaker 1: a look at the washing it's filthy. And the problem
8:36
Speaker 1: was not that the washing machine wasn't working.
8:38
Speaker 2: It was that I tried to cram I am about
8:40
Speaker 2: two loads of washing into one load.
8:42
Speaker 1: Tried to cram too much in. And I think in
8:44
Speaker 1: some ways, just reflecting on it, we're kind of at
8:46
Speaker 1: that point with our family again. We're trying to cram
8:48
Speaker 1: too much in and you get a lousy result, you
8:51
Speaker 1: get a substandard result if you try to cram too
8:52
Speaker 1: much in.
8:53
Speaker 2: We know going to bed an appropriate time makes a
8:56
Speaker 2: big difference, and sometimes, obviously with family life, it doesn't
8:59
Speaker 2: always happen. But having a good routine and getting enough
9:04
Speaker 2: hours sleep is a really important start.
9:06
Speaker 1: And if you're going to go to bed laid, make
9:08
Speaker 1: sure that you know what you're doing in the next morning.
9:10
Speaker 1: Be prepped. Be prepped, because one of the golden rules
9:12
Speaker 1: of making morning's magic is that your morning starts the
9:15
Speaker 1: night before so we knew we were going to be
9:17
Speaker 1: up late, but we did nothing to prepare the house
9:19
Speaker 1: or the kids or breakfast, lunch or anything like that
9:21
Speaker 1: the night before for the next day, and it all
9:24
Speaker 1: just went terrible. And then I tried to cramp too
9:26
Speaker 1: much in and we weren't intentional. We were actually not
9:30
Speaker 1: sufficiently intentional. And you know the other thing. I know
9:32
Speaker 1: that everybody has the advantage of being in a team,
9:35
Speaker 1: but you've got to be a team, right, Yeah, So
9:40
Speaker 1: the moral of the story, I'll do better tomorrow. We
9:42
Speaker 1: are going to do so much better tomorrow and next week.
9:44
Speaker 1: So we hope that this disclosure hasn't turned into too
9:48
Speaker 1: much of a blur. Instead, we hope that it's given
9:51
Speaker 1: you some inspiration for how you can do better tomorrow.
9:53
Speaker 1: If your morning's or afternoons or evenings a little bit
9:57
Speaker 1: like some of ours work this week, hopefully we'll have
9:59
Speaker 1: some more positive stories to tell next week. I've already
10:02
Speaker 1: got one. Oh good, Well, well, no, it doesn't care.
10:04
Speaker 1: You can't carry one over this week. No, No, We've
10:07
Speaker 1: got to have a good week next week. Okay, all right.
10:11
Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed the podcast. If you're planning on
10:14
Speaker 1: doing better tomorrow. Remember it's the weekend, so have a
10:17
Speaker 1: super Saturday and a sensational Sunday. Make sure that you
10:20
Speaker 1: spend that time with the kids. If you do enjoy
10:22
Speaker 1: the podcast, if you wouldn't mind visiting Apple Podcasts or
10:25
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts and leave a rating, preferably
10:28
Speaker 1: a five star rating and a review. It's those reviews
10:31
Speaker 1: that help people to find the podcast and have happier families.
10:34
Speaker 1: And I've got to also mention if screens are an
10:37
Speaker 1: issue for you, can you please join me on Monday night,
10:40
Speaker 1: We've got a webinar Tweens, Teens and Screens. It's a
10:43
Speaker 1: webinar for parents and their kids about getting screen time right.
10:47
Speaker 1: You can get all the information on my Facebook page
10:50
Speaker 1: or at Happy Families dot com dot IU in the
10:52
Speaker 1: webinar shop that's Tweens, Teens and Screens. Oh and if
10:55
Speaker 1: you're a Happy Family's member, it's included in your membership.
10:57
Speaker 1: You don't even have to pay for it because it's
10:59
Speaker 1: part of the membership. If you'd like to know how
11:01
Speaker 1: you can become a Happy Family's member and make your
11:03
Speaker 1: family flourish, visit Happyfamilies dot com dot AU click on
11:07
Speaker 1: memberships Families getting bigger and happier every Day, or you
11:12
Speaker 1: can go to my Facebook page doctor Justin Coulson's Happy Families.
11:15
Speaker 1: Bye Bye