Latest / Get Curious, Not Furious / I Had It First

Transcript

I Had It First · Get Curious, Not Furious

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You love your child more than anything, and some days they drive you crazy.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Colette, a speech and language therapist, sense maker, and mom of three.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Get Curious, Not Furious.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Together let's make sense of your child and what's really happening in those moments that feel out of control.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Less reacting, more understanding.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to get curious instead of furious, keep listening.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing and taking turns can be hard for children.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: In this episode, we explore what makes sharing challenging, how children develop this skill, and how we can support them along the way.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: From understanding why they struggle to give up something they want to helping them learn to take turns, discover how curiosity, connection, and practical support can make sharing easier.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Turntaking begins early in life.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: When our infants are very young and they look into our eyes, we look back at them, we smile, they smell back.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the very, very beginnings of turn taking and social reciprocity.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: As our children get a little bit older, between the ages of six and twelve months, those early back and forth interactions continue to develop, taking turns, making sounds, smiling, copying our actions.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then between the ages of one to two, they participate in a bit more back and forth play with an adult, so maybe rolling a ball back and forth or taking turns putting objects, posting objects into a container.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is done alongside an adult.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then around between the ages of two to three years, broadly speaking, our children start to learn about sharing toys, what it might mean to have to wait briefly while somebody else has a turn, taking turns on a swing or a slide, whether this is at home, at preschool, or at a playground.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: But at this age, their capacity to do this is inconsistent and is still emerging and developing.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: As they get a little bit older, between the ages of three to four, they are increasingly able to participate in those turn-taking games and a bit more cooperative play, but they still need reminders and adult support.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Between the ages of five to seven, most children can follow the rules and take turns when playing games with other children.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Bearing in mind that for our more sensitive children or those who are developing differently, then it will be much older before they can follow rules and take turns independently.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So why is it hard for children to share toys?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there are lots of reasons.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Often not developmentally ready.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: They haven't matured enough to be able to know that they can play with something and somebody else can also play with it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that even though somebody else has a turn with that toy, that they can still get it back.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if they give up a turn with a toy or if they give a toy away, how do they know that that toy will be there for them when they come back?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: How often at home, or if you're in an early childhood teacher, or your child's at Kindy and you see them setting their toy down because they go off to play with something else and they come back expecting it to be there.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it is for them in their world if they've developed that object permanence to know that something is there.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Our younger children may not notice that so much because once an object is out of sight, then it doesn't exist for them in those earlier phases of their development.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Often we might see a child making a creation out of Lego or Duplo and wanting that to be set aside and no one else can play with it or take it apart.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Children have a strong sense of ownership over their creations.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: If we hurry them up and force them to dismantle their creation too quickly, then that can, you know, interfere with that sense of ownership.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Our children might respond in different ways.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: They might accept it, but internally not feeling they might feel upset about it internally, or our children can be vocal and protest and go, no, that's mine, and I don't want anybody else playing with it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: If our children are feeling unsafe or unsettled in their world, they might need to sort of take a little bit of control.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mean this in a sort of a negative, malicious sense or intentional sense, but more that it's an adaptive strategy that if they hold on to this thing, then it's something that I can have some autonomy over.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the drive to become autonomous is innate.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Parents can find this very confronting and challenging.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Especially those parents who are authoritarian, have rules and expectations that must be followed at all times.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now the issue with that is often those expectations don't match where the child is developmentally.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Controlling parenting, controlling turn-taking and sharing can lead to our children going into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then their thinking brain shuts down, and we've lost the opportunity for them to learn a new skill.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So the parent who comes along and says, I'm taking the toy away and neither of you can play with it, well, that might solve the squabble that's happening about the toy, but where's the opportunity for those children to learn how to collaborate, how to take turns, how to share?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And thinking back to how that capacity to share and take turns develops, if we're trying to get our children to do this when they're not developmentally ready, then we're not setting them up for success, and we're setting ourselves up for more and more frustration.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I went to play center with all my children.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very lucky that I had the opportunity to do that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my experience at the various play centres that I attended is that it's a bit of a divided community about taking turns.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: There were the parents who stand by the swing counting down until it's time for one child to get off so the next child can stand in line and have their turn.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or the parent who gave the child who was swinging freedom to stop and move on when they're ready.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that parent lets another child who's waiting know that they can find something else to do or that they can wait with them.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many teachable moments in these interactions.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: For example, modelling social communication skills.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'll let you know when I'm ready, or I'm done, your turn now, or can we play together?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was interesting at Play Center.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was certainly more on the my child is playing with the swing right now, I can help you wait, or I can set up another swing for you.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not judging myself, I'm not judging others.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: There are definitely different ways to support children to learn to take turns.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And as they get older, yes, we do want to point out to them that somebody else is waiting, but what I would like to see developing in them is going, oh, such my friend is waiting for the swing, I'm ready to hop off now, rather than hopping off because they're told to or because somebody has set a time limit for them.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do our children learn to take turns if we never make them take a turn?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can hear some of you asking that question.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's a bit like the forced apologies.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: If we push it on them, then the innate drive to consider their friends and others' needs is going to be slower to develop, and let's be honest, it might lead to more resistance, certainly for some of our children.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right, what about setting time limits on playing?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: For example, you can have five more minutes doing this and then it's somebody else's turn.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we all know how this goes.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Children's sense of time is very unreliable, especially our younger children.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: When you as an adult are playing, deeply engrossed in something you love doing, other than work, do you have a good sense of time?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Five minutes can disappear in the blink of an eye.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So what can we do instead of setting those time limits and enforcing taking turns?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: There are lots of ways that we can provide some social coaching and modeling for our children so that they can learn to consider the feelings and needs of another and develop that natural spontaneous ability to share and to take turns.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about turn-taking from an adult perspective.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you're reading a really interesting book, watching a gripping show, playing your favorite Xbox game, your partner, Flatmate, comes along and declares it's their turn and they want it now.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ignore them, tell them no, give in and sacrifice your own desires and needs, negotiate and say, Oh, I need five more minutes.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: How would you feel if they said you can read two more pages, then it's my turn?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, would you be okay with that being imposed on you?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think you would.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So then why do we expect our children to do this?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we as adults keep expecting our children to do things that we don't do as adults, and that we would be really, really mad and frustrated if somebody came along and imposed those things on us?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: We need to have realistic expectations that our children are developing, maturing humans with an autonomous drive to be independent, and at times they will want things that are outside of what it's okay for them to have.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, sure, they can't grab another toy from a child, and yet our little children will be impulsive and will try to grab toys.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, do we come along and say, Oh, you can't have that because you grabbed it?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or do we come alongside, ask them to try again or coach them for how you ask to take a turn?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: There are lots of opportunities for children to learn the skills of turn taking in play, natural opportunities, group games like tag, so for school-aged children.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: They might be able to learn through some structured board games or other group play.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel your child really is having a hard time developing those skills of turn-taking, then you might set up some games for success where the stakes are pretty low, and they can, in a safe, supported way with an adult there helping, learn about the give and take and the back and forth before you put them out into a playground with lots of different children, lots of demands, lots of busyness, and things moving pretty quickly.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: What you want to do is look and see where their skills are lacking, and where can you help either provide structured opportunities or play-based opportunities where they can build those skills.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Newfeld, a Canadian developmental psychologist, has a lovely concept of a framework about mixing feelings.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And what he means by this is where we as humans develop the capacity to think on the other hand.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: This can be about a whole range of things.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm scared, but I want to have the courage to try something because I'm excited.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I really want that toy, but I also want to be kind and caring and share with my friends.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: That capacity to develop those mixed feelings in typical development usually emerges between the ages of five to seven.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's when children are developmentally ready to be able to mix those feelings.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: For our children who are sensitive or developing differently, then it's much older, seven to nine years and maybe even later.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if we know that that's not a skill that we're really going to expect to see before the ages of five to seven, then I think it's really important that we rethink how we are supporting children to learn to take turns and to share when they're preschoolers.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was chatting to an early childhood teacher recently, and we were talking about this whole idea of sharing toys and what do you do if two children want the same toy?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now she shared that what she will do at her centre if this happens is that sometimes she might need to put her hand on the toy to stop either child grabbing it and then help them to problem solve and work through it.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Depending on the age and stage of your child, sometimes it makes sense to have more than one of the same thing or some similar alternatives.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I remember being at Play Center and we had lots of children wanting to dig and play in the sandpit, but at the time we only had two shovels.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now we as a community came together and realized that, well, actually, there was a bigger group of children that wanted to play.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted to support and scaffold their collaborative play, constructing things together, sharing each other's ideas, yes, doing some turn-taking with the shovels.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But we thought a practical solution was, well, how about we get a couple of more shovels?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're actually removing the need to have that conflict about frustration over sharing a shovel.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was a relatively low-cost item.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: We knew the shovels would be well used by lots of different children, and so we weren't doing it to, you know, give in to the children's, you know, frustration about not having a shovel.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was a practical solution, going, well, let's be realistic here.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not having enough shovels for our children to play with, that's probably something we can easily fix.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: How can we model turn taking and those pro-social social skills?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: By narrating what is happening, by commenting on what one child is doing and noticing what the other child is doing, being the voices for them, by having realistic expectations about the age and stage our child is at, and by putting relational needs front and center.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Have you noticed that sometimes your child's desire to play with something is directly related to whether their sibling is playing with it, or related to how available you are?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: A toy that's been readily available for anyone to play with suddenly becomes a battleground.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is this really about the toy or is my child's behavior telling me something in this moment?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know at home, if I offer to play with one of my children on the trampoline nine times out of ten, the other also wants to play with me on the trampoline at the same time, and it becomes a fight over who's going to have a turn first.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: They both dig their heels in, and in my head the the joyful offering of wanting to play rapidly starts to disintegrate.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, they don't want to share me, and I need to be okay with that.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can validate how they're feeling.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can say you both want to play with me on the trampoline right now, and I can come up, we can come up with a solution together.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: There are definitely times where they're not able to come up with that solution together.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're really stuck, they've been apart from me, they're not feeling connected and attached, and they really want to reconnect and feel grounded in their attachment with me.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so they're not able to think about what the other might need.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, they know from experience that mum will always make time to play with me on the trampoline, but in that moment they are fixated and on wanting that time with me and they're not willing to share.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if they're not able to come up with a solution, okay, you can go first and I'll go after, or whatever it is.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I do need to be the one that takes the lead and decide what's going to happen and who gets to play first.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is really tricky as a parent because one child is always going to lose out.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: The child who has to wait, potentially in their mind, will feel might feel rejected, they might feel displaced, they might feel resentful that their other sibling got to go first again.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, we can do turns, well, you go first today, I'll go first tomorrow, and then tomorrow comes around and one of them decides to disagree with the fact that they didn't get to go first yesterday.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know how it is, it can go on and on.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: So what I can do in this moment is I can take the lead.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can let them know that right now I know exactly what the best thing is for everyone.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to play with you first, and then I'm so looking forward to playing with you afterwards.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what I do is I bridge the connection with the one who has to wait.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: I let them know that I'll be thinking about them.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I let them know that I'm looking forward to playing with them when I'm finished playing with their sibling, and I might offer a suggestion for what they can do.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I've also been reflecting on how our children manage to share their friends.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now I remember again going back to my play center days, and particularly around the ages of between kind of four to five, maybe more like four and a half to five, as our older children were getting ready to head off to school, we noticed a really strong theme in play where two is company and three is a crowd.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by this is that we would have um children who, if it was a group activity that was being led by an adult, then there would be lots of, you know, there might be collaboration, you could have two or three or four of a of a friend group involved.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: But that if it was a sort of self-directed activity that um the children were playing, whether it was something in the family corner or playing with trucks or carpentry or whatever it was, that often we'd see these like really strong alignments.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you might have, you know, three girls who were all good friends and would would get along, but that they would, you know, splinter off, that two would get along and would exclude the other one.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've seen this pattern continue through those sort of early years of school, year one and year two at school.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And where I I guess how I've helped develop my understanding of it really is it's you know, it's from an attachment perspective that when our children are are shifting away, going out into exploring their world and connecting with their peers, that at certain ages and stages they can really only attach to one other peer at a same at the same time.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: So having that really strong bond with one other peer and getting into that back and forth um diet and relationship, there isn't room for a third in that interaction.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I guess it's a bit like there isn't, you know, usually room for a third in a marriage or a relationship without somebody feeling displaced.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: How we can manage this is not by forcing them to say you need to include the other person, because again, that can create more resentment and more conflict.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what we can do is help bring their awareness to how the other person might be feeling if they're excluded, and we can set up opportunities for them to play games that that include more than two.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: As long as we do enough social coaching and feelings don't get hurt, or if they do get hurt, we coach them to go back and check in with the other person, then it really is a fairly natural phase of development that that tends to sort itself out.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Another time you might see some sharing being tricky is where a child is willing to share a toy with one friend but not another, or willing to share a toy with one sibling but not another.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Again, how can we understand this from a developmental perspective?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it might be that if it's a sibling, for example, and they want to share it with one sibling but not another, that's often because they're holding a bit of resentment.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this resentment towards the sibling they're not willing to share the toy with doesn't actually mean that they're really upset with that sibling.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes in our children we'll see that displaced frustration where there's something in their world that's not working for them, and they take it out on the people around them.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: That might be a younger sibling, that might be an older sibling, but that's where those frustrations will come out.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you just step in with a, oh, you must share your toy with your sibling, or you get, you know, grumpy or angry with them for not sharing, or you know, call them out for being selfish, whatever it is that you might say or do, if that's not really the reason why they're not willing to share, then you haven't actually addressed the underlying reason for what's going on.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why I always like to look beneath the surface and work out what's going on here.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it simply a skill that my child hasn't developed yet?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And with a little bit of social coaching and scaffolding, they'll know what to do?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it a sign that there's something else that has them all stirred up in their world?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you see lots of controlling around toys, not wanting to share, or being really controlling about who they will share with, then it's time to dig deeper and see what might be going on.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is this what I'd realistically expect to see at this age and stage of my child's development, or does it signal that something else is going on in their world that they're all stirred up about?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: When our school age children are having a hard time sharing, I would take this as a sign that there is a lack of maturity in their social skills and their development.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a sign that they're developing differently, or it might mean they're feeling disconnected and unsafe in their relationships.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Our younger school age children between the ages of five and seven, yeah, I'd still expect to see some challenges with sharing, sharing toys, sharing friends.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said earlier, if they're sensitive or developing differently, it'll take a little bit longer for them to develop those mixed feelings to be able to go, I really want this toy right now, or I'm really having fun playing on the swing, and I can see my friend also wants a turn.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: What we need to do is not jump straight in to teaching turn taking in that moment.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: We need to go back and look at those earlier skills before we can expect them to learn to share, just because we tell them to.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: So how do they go playing alongside with others?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Are they showing signs of being able to mix their feelings and do that on the other hand?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Can you acknowledge their internal drives and wishes?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do that, is that enough to get them across the line to be spontaneously willing to share with others?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: You really need to get curious about why they don't want to share.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you try some collaborative problem solving?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I notice you're having a hard time sharing with your sibling.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that alone can invite a whole download of whatever it is that's really bugging them.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is to be the detective and figure out where are the skills lacking some skills, or is it that they do have the skills, but something else is getting in the way of them being able to share.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: In that school environment, building key attachment relationships with adults, take the focus off sharing and invest time in building positive relationships with their peers.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: But building those relationships with their peers needs to be done in the context of an adult that they're attached to.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Have realistic expectations.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you know they always fight over a particular toy, get ahead of the game, collaborate on a plan, talk it through in advance, solicit their good intentions.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Can I count on you to try your best to take turns when you're playing on the swing?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Expect them to get it wrong, forget what you said, be impulsive, that's okay.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Keep coming alongside and offering that social coaching and scaffolding.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: It takes time to develop mixed feelings and the capacity to share, and it comes easier for some children than others.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you notice differences in siblings being able to share, well, that gives you something, information, insight.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: But don't point that out.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your younger sister can share, why can't you?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, how many times growing up did I hear you should be more like your sister?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine how that left me feeling?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what about those children who share easily but at the expense of their own needs and desires?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: The children who self-sacrifice because they're afraid of conflict, or they see adults struggling and want to make things easier for them, we also have a job to do to support these children to stand up for what they want.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like compromises over what to watch on TV, compromises over toys to play with, compromises over story time with mum or dad.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Our children who are so willing to compromise for others, they need our attention and connection just as much as those who are loud and externalizing.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: How can we be more intentional to make sure these children aren't forgotten and left feeling that their needs don't matter?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want your child to grow up always making sacrifices for others?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to share is a developmental process that unfolds as children grow and mature, and things can get in the way of this unfolding.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you find yourself getting frustrated about sharing or wanting to step in and take over all the time, take some time to reflect on why you respond that way.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: What was it like for you growing up?
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Were you forced to share or allowed to have whatever you want whenever you wanted it?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: When we stay curious about our own responses, it helps us respond with more understanding and connection.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: We can't force our children to share at the expense of providing the right conditions and scaffolding for them to develop their caring.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: So they are happy and willing to share.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear what's happening in your family.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a parent in question, challenge, or concern, send me a message.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Together we can make sense of what's going on.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you found this episode helpful, please like it, share it with another parent, and follow the podcast to help grow this community.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay curious.