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DILEMMAS: STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Coming up on dilemmas my boyfriend sleeps in the same
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: bed as his mum.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: No, I don't want to hear it.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What he's seriously the best boyfriend and person ever and
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: we've been together for two years and we're both twenty five.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Relatable The Relatable podcast's hosted by myself, Jake Craig aka
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Daddy and my just realize remember this my cookie eater
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: in Crime Cookie here and Crime.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I like that Odie Clark aka Mummy.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Now, as I was saying that, it's because I'm wearing
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: this dang cookie shirt, which is Dang cookies is the
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: thing in Bali and we ate a lot of them. Yeah,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: but another thing you could some people say vagina is
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: a cookie?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Do they Okay?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Well, so as I was saying it, I was like,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: wait a second, I kind of speak to Actually, I
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: have two butter Boy cookies waiting for me when I
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: see my girlfriend next.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: She was yesterday. I said, yo, babe, you know that
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: cookie place.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Babe? No, fuck, you know that cookie place could get
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: me some please.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: To be fair, buttle Boy cookies are good. But something
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: about dang cookies. Guys, if you're ever in Bali, you
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: gotta hit something about cookies.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: If you guys want a relatables cookie coat, that's one
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: of our business ideas. We've talked about Relatables cookie coat
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: for about two years. Yeah, if you want it to happen,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: I want two hundred and fifty comments, because then I
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: know there's a market for it.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, at least two un and fifty people will buy one.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: And if people want me to get fat, comment because
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: if I own Relatables cookie coat, I'll we taste and
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: to be fair, they'll be the best cookies in the world.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: And we're both cookie connoisseurs.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: But we will have gluten free cookies. We will will
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: have to be Celiac baddies.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's all like we can dive into that market
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: the tastes for that. They have two different kitchens or chefs.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to be Seliac friendly, can't be cooking in the
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: same area as we'll see.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: But Jake Dilemmas is back once again with the prompt.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: And before we get into the baddies rock and hard places,
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: I have a dilemma myself, and I think it's relatable
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: and I want to know your opinion.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: On it.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: So as we've gotten older, everyone starts to lose their friends.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Right I've recently been pimping out my car Togo camping,
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: and I would say I'm quite an independent person and
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I like to do my things alone. And right now,
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: no one can go camping with me with my girlfriend
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: probably for the next like I don't know, six weeks,
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: and I'm stuck between. I could go by myself. It's
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: funer to go with people.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: The thing is me is like I could trying to
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: think I could go. I just I don't know if
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I can go before Christmas.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you probably can't, Like it's a busy time with
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: the expect everyone I would come. But also I could
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: just go away for a couple of days.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: And I was looking at camp Sue last night. I
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: was like, what could be funny with some people?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Maybe you could do it not that far just for
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: one night.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it could do one night.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: And but the thing we're camping too is the things
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: I like to do by myself are kind of like
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: in and around, Like I like to go to the
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: gym too, fair like surfing. Most of the places you
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: go camping are very far away from the gym and surfing.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: There are two separate things. I get to drive like minutes.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: But all the time I was tossing up, I was like,
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: should I just wait or should I go and send it?
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: And I'm like I was like, oh, I could just
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: do it and like figure it out, like I've done
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: it before. You've been camping on your own four yeah,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: I did like four days down the South coast once.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, maybe five days.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: It was really good actually, But I also just like
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: it's funny with people because I could do Like, I
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: don't know.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: It is funny with people.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: It's just in the back of my head. I know
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: it shouldn't be a consideration. I always think people are
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: going to think I'm weird camping by myself.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: No one would think there.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like that when we were camping for a
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: long time, I didn't look at anyone on their own and.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Think, yea true.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: We were too busy, just like doing our own thing exactly.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: It would be nice to go on your own, if
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: you think about.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: It, it would be very peaceful and in a sense of
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: like everything that's happened in the year and now we're
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: ramping down, but it kind of ramped up before it
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: ramps down. It might be a nice little reset button,
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: but that's my dilemma.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: That is.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Look, I think it's a relatable dilemma. I want you
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: to just go do one little camping trip on your own.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I think it'd be sick.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I out on my gear. Some I might
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: do it. Yeah, you want to test that all you get?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You just I might have to put in my manual
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: leave now and then request you're annually.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Oh god, okay, baddies, that's what you're really here for,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: all right, dilemmas theme, I'm stuck between a rock and
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: a heart place. Got a lot of quite a few
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: responses on these.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and to reiterate, if you want to get your
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: dilemma red, there'll be a link in the description.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Let's do it, Okay, number one to go long one. Okay,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: it's good. Hey, Mummy and Daddy absolutely love the pod,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: especially book Club Without Foul always manages to make me smile.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I'm so torn and conflicted, and I really hope you
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: can provide an outside perspective. I'm a thirty year old
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: married female. Hubby is my best friend, and we have
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: had a near perfect ten year long relationship until recently
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: when a guy at work started pursuing me. What started
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: as meaningless but definitely flirty banter turned into this guy
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: wanting something physical. Full disclosure, he is also married. He
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: actively pursued me, he could be quite touchy and has
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: made it clear he wants to have an affair. Beyond that,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: nothing physical has happened, not even a kiss, despite this
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: dilemma suggesting otherwise. I am honest and loyal, but I
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: did enjoy the attention until it got a bit serious.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I reflected on why I enjoyed the attention so much,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: which is likely due to personal issues I am currently facing,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: and I told Hubby everything. He totally understands and has
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: agreed to work through this together, perhaps making some changes
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: in the marriage so we can get back to our
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: normal selves. Hubby also said he's happy I was honest
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: and we will come out of this stronger. We agreed
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I need to tell the other guy at work to
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: back off, which I did, but he's taken it badly
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and gone really cold. Here's the dilemma. I missed the attention,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: what and she even said what the fuck?
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Question mark?
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I know I've done the right thing and all sorry
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: on all accounts for my marriage, my husband, myself, and
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: my career. But I find myself craving the excitement of
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: being chaste. Even if I never wanted anything to happen,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I never dreamt this would happen to me, And when
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I was younger, I would have advised someone with this
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: dilemma that they don't love their husband and they should leave.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Now I'm older and wiser, I can say with certainty
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: that is fundamentally untrue. Is this just a symptom of
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: being in a long term relationship? How am I meant
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: to be normal in work around this guy? Is there
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: anything I should do to make it less awkward? Or
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: just hope time fixes it. I refuse to leave the
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: job as my career is very important and I love
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: my job slash have great career prospects. I guess I
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: just want some advice or thoughts on why I might
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: feel like this and if there's anything I can do
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: to make this situation more bearable.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: The guilt is killing me. Grateful for any thoughts or
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: comments you have. Much love.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Are very conflicted, daddy. Ooh okay, this is Jake. You're
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: starting off very very hard.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, dude, I know, because like she said
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: she did everything right, but then she still misses the chase.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: And to be fair, obviously, that is a very nice
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: feeling to be. It's flattering, yeah, to be wanted, and
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: it makes you, It gives you a little perking your step.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: He's just like, yeah, damn, I am her.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: It's the hard thing is is like, so she said,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: years ago, I would have said to someone in this
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: situation that you obviously don't love your husband and you
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: need to leave him. But she's saying that now, having
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: experienced it, that's un not true.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I agree too, And it comes back to this sounds harsh,
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: but real love's boring.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I mean yeah, and it's boring and it's easy. Yeah.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, when people say love is hard,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I don't really agree with love is hard. I think
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: love with the right person is actually quite easy.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: But it is boring.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's boring, And that's why people get
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: stuck in those toxic relationships, those endless cycles of highs
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: and lows of doing Some people, you've done all the
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: right steps to be fair to you, and you haven't
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: acted on how you're feeling, and you've talked to your
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: hubby and you're going to work through this. So I
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: think you're completely fine. But some people act on this
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: and also before getting married, people going to say love Island.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: All those people who go on that show, for example,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: they love the cycle of toxic I mean love I
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: fucking hate him. I love him, I hate them. Let
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: me kiss you, let me not kiss you, like that's
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: what it is. Yeah, and that's kind of what you're
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: going through in a more mature way. Okay, Yes, yeah,
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: I think it's completely human. And the fact that you're
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: asking all these questions. I think he's good and it's completely.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Human to want to feel wanted.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: At least you're admitting it to yourself too, Like admitting
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: it to yourself is always the first step. So you
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: did a good thing talking to your husband about it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: How you were like, oh, this guy was pursuing me.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I kind of was like giving it back a bit,
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: but you know, he doesn't feel right like and he
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: was happy you were honest.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: He wants to get through it with you. And also, but.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Now just the one step more of how you're like, fuck,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: why do I miss the flirty banter?
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: And I think you answered your own question, and I
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: think time will do it. Because, like you said, you
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: love your husband and you're not going to act on this,
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: and I'm thinking, like I'm trying to relate to her.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: It's going to be a stupid analogy. But you know
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: when you start dieting and you've been having a sweet
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: treat every single night, okay, and then you go shopping
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: and you don't buy that sweet treat, okay. In the
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: first couple of weeks you diet, you go to your
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: fridge to look for this sweet treat and it's not there.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: It's kind of the same thing. You're like, fuck, I
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: wish I bought a fucking sweet treat. It's like you
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: said to him, I don't want to entertain this anymore.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: And now he's not entertaining and he's gone all cold.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: The sweet treat's not there anymore, and you're like, fuck,
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: what did I do? Why am I doing this to myself?
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: Like I loved it.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: I loved my fucking sweet treat, but now it's.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Not there my guilty pleasure.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah literally, yeah, But working towards your goals, mind being
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: guarding yours, being a loving relationship with your icebanden. I
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: think time will heal it, because once you get through
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: that initial stage of it being awkward and cold and
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: you want to focus on your career, you'll just get
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: over it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: I'm inclined to agree. I thought you'd like mine. I
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: do like it.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't really see where it was going until you finish,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: but once you did get there, so you landed smoothly.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I think it is hard because you probably feel you're
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: guilty about these feelings, but you love your husband, and
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I think what you said at the beginning is like
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: kind of correct that the love with your husband is
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: secure and boring and easy and no drama, and you know,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: no more chase. You know you have each other exactly,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: like the chase isn't going to last forever exactly. Think
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: about when your husband was chasing you. You know it's
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: that same feeling. And also, you are a human. Humans
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: do always want the new.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Thing is always grew up for humans.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the grassways green though we're never quite happy. But
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I think that right now I'm assuming it's like a
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: pretty fresh thing, So I think give it a little
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: more time, and if it's still really you're like, I
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: miss this. I think I like this guy. And now
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: it's kind of turned to the thing where you like
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: him because you can't have him because he was going
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: to allow you to have him, Yeah, and now he's
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: not because you've said no. I think it might be
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: the right thing to do to bring it up with
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: your husband again, although it may break his heart.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I reckon what you should do. You already initiated the
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: right step. So you communicated with your husband with everything
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: that's going on. Just whenever something comes up at work
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: or however you're feeling, just communicator that your husband. Yeah,
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I think you feel like the communication. I was feeling
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: weird at work today, like he was cold and I
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: don't know. Just keep communicating it because the more he knows,
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: like the it's the least of a fool he's going
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: to feel. Yeah, and he has all the pieces to
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: make up his mind too. Yeah, especially, and it's just
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: being open and on us because you don't want to
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: keep feeling these ways and feel guilty because you're going
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: home to this guy loves you. But if he has
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: all the pieces that you have, he's in the exact
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: same equation. You're right, I think just keep communicating it and.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: That he wants to fix this. Your husband's he wants
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: you to be honest. He was happy you were honest
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the first time. So I would say that's the absolute
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: best thing you can do with giving yourself the best chance. Like,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe your husband will start chasing you
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: again a bit. I don't know.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's right answer. I don't know
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: if that'll fix things, but it's worth trying new things.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Maybe it comes back to it's maybe a deeper underlying
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: issue in a sense of.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: What do you find exciting about it? Is it the chase?
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Is that what you love? Is it the attention?
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: And like you can talk through that with your husband
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: and be like, let's.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Fucking splice things up a little bit. Let's do some
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: fucking kinky shit.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Let's fucking let's just go on a first date and
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: pretend like we've never met, like shit like that. Maybe
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: that's what you want. It's simple, and you've got to
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: do that stuff when you've been dating for a long time.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I've always wondered as well, we've spoken about this before.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: When you've been with your partner, your girlfriend, you snip
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: another for quite a while, is that when you want toys?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: And is that when you want role play? Because it's
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: like you need that thing to drive that flame, I
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: think so.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I don't think this one's a sexual thing. It's more
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: of a feeling wanted.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, feeling like someone really wants me. Where's this guy
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: already has you? So he's probably not to be fair
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: to him. He probably doesn't need to, but he's also
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: probably not putting in the same amount of effort as
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: he used to. Yeah, and you want that, Yeah that
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: would make sense.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so talk through it with him. Yeah, all right,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: that was fucking hard. That was hard. I don't know, Yeah,
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: that was hard.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Alrighty my dilemma, Hi, guys, love the pod. I'm torn
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: between two choices. Last May, I grew really close to
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: a friend i'd known for two years.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: We went on a date.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: He invited me to his place in Brackets, quite a
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: big deal as seniors in high school in France, and
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: even his friends told me he liked me. Then, out
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: of nowhere, he pulled away and said he didn't want anything,
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: even though he never really explained why. I was hurt,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: but we stayed on good terms after summer. He kept
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: coming back into my life in small but meaningful ways. Texts,
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: story likes, birthday messages, classics, just enough. I added the classics,
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: just enough to make me wonder if he still had feelings.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: When we finally hung out again with his friends, he
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: kissed me, only to tell me the next day it
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: in quotes, shouldn't have happened. That broke me because I
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: care for him deeply as a friend and still do.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: When I confronted him about the mixed signals, he'd admitted
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: he didn't even understand his own actions. My friends think
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: he has feelings for me, but is avoidant and scared.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Now we don't talk at all. And here's my dilemma.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: Do I keep contact with someone who has hurt me
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: but I really generally appreciate and missed deeply. Or do
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: I cut him off completely to protect myself, even though
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: losing him will hurt just as much. Both truces feel awful.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Either I risk being hurt again, or I lose someone
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: that I mean a lot to and he means a
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: lot to me.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Ah, girl, I gotta say, I think this one's easy
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: for me?
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: What is it? Fuck him off?
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's actually no other answer.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Simple.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: And you said in there like you called him a friend,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: he's not a friend. No, Yeah, you have feelings for
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: him and I think also he's not ready for a
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: relationship and he doesn't deserve you because he obviously fucking
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: likes you.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he does.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: Have avoidant commitment issues and you shouldn't have to deal
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: with that shit. I think that he is being very selfish.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: He might not know he's doing it, ah, but the
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: sound of it there in high school, how dune we were.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I remember how Dumbell was.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Like I think back on it though, right, and I think,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: like there is probably there is things that I didn't
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: know I was doing.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Right, there's things now I still don't know what I'm doing.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: But when you get told you're doing a thing, it
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't excuse the thing you did.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: No.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: The book I've been reading at the moment for some
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: reason has been talking about it's a fiction book, right,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: but it kind of had this saying that stuck with me,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: and it's like, if you regret being evil, it doesn't
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: mean you weren't evil.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, Like you know, you're allowed to regret the thing
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: you did, but you still did it. Yeah.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: So I think this guy is never I'm sorry to
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: be like pessimistic, but I don't think he's ever gonna
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: be the right guy for you.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think so either, And it's confronting because
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: when you lose a friend and to you, you lose
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: someone you like, but also you kind of owe it
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: to yourself. Yeah, he's played you and hasn't take responsibility
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: for that, and things.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, I don't know why I did that. I
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: was just so scared. Sorry, Like we shouldn't have done that,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: but we can still be friends. Like no, yeah, you
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: hurt my feelings. You don't deserve to have me in
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: your life. Fuck this guy, Yeah, I reckon.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I think you're gonna be the short term pain
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: right by getting rid of him, long term gain.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: The short term pain, long term gain. All Right, I
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: love it. Okay this one get ready to squirm?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Ah okay title my boyfriend sleep in the same bed
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: as his mum.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: No, I don't want to hear it.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: What ha.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: He's seriously the best boyfriend and person ever and we've
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: been together for two years and we're both twenty five,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: so it's like relatively serious. He's smart, respectful, responsible, has
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: a good job, super cute, tall, everything you could ask for.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: But he's also a complete mumma's boy, to the point
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: where he shares a bed with his mum when he
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: visits her home or on vacation, etc.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: I think they like snuggle. What And he admitted to this.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: He was the one who told me he does this,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah for transparency, but I don't even know.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: He texts her all day too. But she's super cool
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: and smart, so I let that go. Ha ha ha.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: He also tells her everything, and I mean literally everything.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And then she put an egg plant, a cat and
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: a peach emoji.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm glad he has a great relationship with
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: his mom.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: But help, please, help is the right word. A. Yo,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: this is wild.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: Moms and their sons, mothers and their sons.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Dude, mothers and their son.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: This kid would have been like breastfed two it was
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: like twelve.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: A yeah, this kid's giving Yeah, breast fed till he
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: was twelve, for sure.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to do.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, So he's perfect, but he's suss of his mom.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: You just have to fucking vocalize that. A. To me,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: this is the most valid reason to leave.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: So playing Devil's advocate, this is all he's ever known,
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: and he doesn't see it as a problem because he's
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: used to being this close.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: With his mom.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: But in the real world this is very weird and
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: suss And I guess the step before leaving him is
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: vocalizing how susan weird and uncomfortable this makes you feel
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: and it's weird. Dude, you got to stop it or
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: we don't like giving ultimatums, but stop or we stop.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, what are you going to do? Share
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: a bed and cut with your mum when you're forty?
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: What?
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't know about that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: It's also like I would probably, but she's already found
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: out and hasn't left, so she gave it a chance.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I would probably leave.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: It's different, I'm saying if I was the girl, because
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: two a daughter and a mom's very.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Different to a son and a mum. I mean a
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: daughter and a mom, or a daughter and a dad
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: or daughter and dad, Sussa.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, come see comes up?
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was thinking the same thing, different sides
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: of a fence. Yeah, yeah.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: If Cassie went away with her mum and they slept
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: in the same bad I wouldn't think anything of it.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Oh neither, No, not at all, Yeah, exactly. But if
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: she went away and slept with her dad, Yeah, and cuddled.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: I don't want to think of it.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, That's what I'm trying to think myself in
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: the shoes here where like so Beth wenton, I don't
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: even really see a beout hugger dad.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I reckon Dad's worse. But also that's not a scenario.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: I guess, so sudden, Mum.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: I think, just one chance, one chance, only communicate how
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: weird it is, and if he's like, yeah, but we
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: just have such a good relationship dumped. Ah, I'm keen
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: for the comments on this one.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: It's easy for us because we don't have any emotional
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: connection to him.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: You said that before, Yeah, yeah, yeah, true, it is easy.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: To give like black and white or more like a
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: direct bit of advice because we have no emotional But.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: Also I would get in my own hand about it
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: and be like, when we're sleeping together is like this
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: thing he relates to his mum.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: I think the whole even texting his mom all day
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: and also telling his mum everything about like the emogens.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: She said sex life, like there's a line, A, there
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: is a line. I'm glad you have a great relationship
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: with her, but.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: She's not.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: Actually, I would even double down in a sense of
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: you two having sex is such an intimate action that
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: he doesn't have.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: The right to tell his mum about that. I would say,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: would you? I don't think. I think that's kind of
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: disrespectful in a way.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Maybe a sibling, they're more like a friend.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I would say.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: The line is telling her you have sex, that's it.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Well, she she also just knows that you don't have
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: to tell her. Yeah, she just knows, like it's really
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: this is really.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Itcking me out. I'm not gonna lie to you. This
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: is like making me squirm? Was the right word? Whoom? Dude? Okay. Also,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know I'm gonna leave this one day.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah it look, I think I just feel bad being
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: super direct, but I think I'm gonna say something because
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: fuck it, it's that podcast, right, and we don't make
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: decisions for anyone. So whatever the baddy does, the Baddi
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: does her decision with potentially our voices in mind, but
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: we didn't do the thing.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: This is fucking weird.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: All right, This is super super duper weird. All right.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not judging you for being with him, but
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: I am judging him and his mum insanely. Yeah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: So I think you're going to be doing yourself.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: A favor by getting out of there. He's perfect, but
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: but sometimes when the butt is in all caps, it's
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: too much.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. And if it's but.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: He's weird, leave yeah yeah yeah yeah, And it's like.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Snuggling, snuggling. Yeah nah, I don't know, leave him.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, next one. Everyone knows where we stand on this one.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: Jake, And oh my god, it's best friend one. No no, no, no, no, no,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: no, no no. I'm not going to say anything, and I don't.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Let's spend too much time on it.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, I want you to respond as directly as possible.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Oh easy, you're gonna hate it, dude. Oh okay. Dilemma.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: My boyfriend doesn't want me to make a fitness account.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: He hates the idea of other boys seeing my ass
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: in brackets.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: I'm a jim girl. What can I say? Low, I've told.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: Him he can't hold me back or make me feel
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: bad about something I want because of him.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Please help.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, So, your boyfriend is exactly what is in the
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: word boyfriend, a boy all right, insecure, immature, and not worthy.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Of you, So dump him, start that page, go make millions,
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: be a baddie and fuck this man off.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, moving on, that's fucking insane alright, are.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Next to amma baddies?
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: I want a monogamous relationship but also want to be.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: A naughty girl.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I love being sexually open, and so does my partner.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: We both wanted to have sexual experiences with others, so
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: we agreed that we would continue being open to experiences
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: throughout our relationship as long as we do anything together.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I'm talking like three times a year. The only thing
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: is I get jealous of other girls.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I'm not worried.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: About him leaving me for them. I just envy them
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: if they have features that I don't. It's a me issue.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: But how do I have my cake and eat it
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: without being an insecure girly? Damn?
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: This is tough, Yo, tough.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: So I have never once thought an open relationship is
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: gonna work.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Purely like this is.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: This is one of the main reasons I've never thought
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: of an open relationship would work.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if it works.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: For you, fabulous. But if you're having these feelings, then
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: do you really want to be open?
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Well she does.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: To be fair, She's like, she does want to be
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: open because she wants to sleep with other dudes like
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: three times a year, right, she just wants like sexual experiences.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: And then she also just.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: Wants to have sex with a boyfriend and be monogamous,
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: but she just wants to be naughty.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: My advice would almost be you need to be single
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: to do this.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say we're the wrong people to ask,
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: but there's probably better people to ask for.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Advice on vanilla. Yeah, so the thought so, I've had this.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: Conversation with Cassier about being open, no, not being open,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, about like no, have you had the
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: conversation with Bess.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh, what's your thoughts on a threesome?
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, And we both
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: said no for the pure fact of she could never
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: see me having sex with another girl. Yeah, and I
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: could never see another dude having sex with no.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. I would fucking cry. That's insane,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: that's not happening.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: So also, it's quite often that a heterosexual man is
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: gonna want to have a threesome with two women, and
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: a heterosexual woman is going to want to have a
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: threesome with two men. Yeah, right, so there you've got
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: a conflict already. Oh he's Secondly, let's just say it's
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: like agreed that we're gonna do it with two women.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I can barely handle myself with one.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: It's almost like the boy brain inside him is like, fuck,
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: that would be nice, but also like what am I
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: gonna do?
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't have another guy pleasure my girlfriend, Like
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I couldn't hear her making sounds she makes with me,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: God forbid, she's louder with him.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Then, well, it's the same thing this girl's feeling. It's like,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: what if his penis is a little bit.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Larger, it's a little bit thicker, So she's kind of like,
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: what if her ass is a bit fatter? Yeah, by
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: the way, and what if she has bigger tits?
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Exactly? Well, what if she has like better head. I
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: It's almost like your brain and body is telling you
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: maybe I don't want this.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I have a feeling that I'm going to make an
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: assumption because why the hell not.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but I'm going to make an assumption.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I think that, like you said, you want to be monogamous. Now, okay,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: but you're telling yourself that you still want to be
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: a naughty girl because that's what you told yourself a
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: while ago, and you don't want to be the one
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: to change the their mind. Yeah, because your boyfriend agreed.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: So now you're like the one that looks insecure, but
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: you're insecure, like for a very valid reason. All right,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: he might be feeling the same.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: I think the two options are you're insecure because you
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: actually like this man, or you do those accents you
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: don't like this man.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you see to say to him like,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I want to try monogamy. Yeah.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: I think the only thing that ever works is you
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: have sex with people who you don't care about because
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: you care about this man.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: That's why you care what the other girls look like.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: But if you're just having sex with randoms on one
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: night stands and then go on here there and being
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: an order girl, valid and just do that. But also,
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: you care about this man so much, so maybe reassess
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: your values.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: I had I listened to a podcast of two friends
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: best friends growing.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Up and they are both gay.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Right, one of them has a boyfriend, one of them doesn't.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: The one with a boyfriend is in open relationship. With
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: this boyfriend, and they did a whole episode on how
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: this open relationship works, and.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: It's out there.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: It's good children is the past, and so I listened
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: to it, and so they have these rules. It's very
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: interesting and intricate, and I was just thinking while listening
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: to it, like like he said that it's been bumpy,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: but it works for them now they have they have
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: these rules in place. But I was just like, there's
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: there seems to be levels of rules here, like it's
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: getting a bit techy.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Well, they're one step ahead though, because all three parties,
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: like all three parties like three dudes, all the same gender.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: True, it is all one gender, So maybe it makes
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: it a little less complicated.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know, yeah, because I guess whichever way you look,
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: or is that just like openers and you can have
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: sex with and.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I have a dude, not three people. What do you mean?
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Because they're talking about like I'm thinking threesome. Sorry, I'm
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: going back. No, these guys are.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: They're not having threesomes in the dilemma. They're just having
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: like so they're together and like two or three times
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: a year, she'll go sleep with the dude just on
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: her own and he'll go sleep with another girl.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: I think what's scary about that is also the unknown factor,
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: because you don't know what happened.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I think, No, you're right. How much did he like it?
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: How big were it's? Yeah?
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: And also it just opens up this massive can of worms,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: like because you obviously would.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Have some rules, I assume, But you know, if.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: You just so happen to sleep with this guy, that
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: fucking makes you shake with pleasure.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: So you're like, I need that again.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: You're gonna probably be like more inclined than another person
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: to ever so slightly bend your rules sleep with this
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: one guy a couple more times, because I don't want
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: to see your rules aren't not like your rules are
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: kind of bendable, like in mind, that's just how I
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: see it. Yeah, like you have a leg to stand
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: on in an argument as to why you've slept with
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: the same person more than once and maybe five times
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: in the one year or whatever.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I think it's two techy.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's techy as it's too techy for us.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Please please, you need to take this dilemma to some
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: kinkier hosts.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, you need to take this dilemma to good children
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: all right because they literally can help you.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Or Dak Shepherd, Dak.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Shepherd, I listen to an episode before he was with
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Kristen Kirstin Bell. He was in a ten year relationship,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: open the whole time, Oh ship, I.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Got Yeah, Alright, Batties.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: That is the end of Dilemmas on Spotify.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: If you want some extra dilemmas, it's going to be
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: on Patreon for five dollars a month under the same
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: prompt Stuck between a rock and a hard place, go
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: on over there linkers in the description and we love you.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Stay