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Retire The DIY Badge Before It Retires You · Flourishing Femme: Mindset, Balance and Living in Alignment with Marnae Bowcut

• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Flourishing Femme.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode nine, and I'm super grateful that you chose to take a little bit of time out of your schedule to spend it with me.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I am super excited to talk about the concepts that I've chosen for today, primarily because, as you well know, receiving is a huge thing.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It is a principle and value that is so important to stay in alignment with the divine feminine.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is one that I have come to learn when you get it mastered and when you completely embody it, it really does invite our men into wanting to reflect and protect and provide.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I have talked a little bit about receiving in several podcasts, and I didn't want to completely just dump everything about this concept in one, so I've spread it out and giving you tidbits and little gold nuggets in several.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: So one of them is to really set an intention and take radical accountability to let go of that strong badge of honor of always doing it yourself.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the master dyir.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can do it myself.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And this not only can lead you into burnout, but it can make you miserable and hard, actually hard to serve.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when our kids or our husbands or our partners or those in our relationship, when we make it hard for them to serve us or do something for us, pretty soon they just give up.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, I got this, I can do it myself.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine, I can do this.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's those kinds of things that make it hard for them to step in and truly create an opportunity for us to receive.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about burnout a little bit.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's the it's something that a lot of women experience, and it's usually because we always choose to do everything ourselves, or at least most of the time.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to a client the other day, and she was really frustrated because whenever they get out of the car or pack in groceries or whatever, she's always left with doing most of it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And her partner just gets out of the car and goes in the house.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's very disheartening, but you know what?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: In a lot of cases, we've kind of set that up.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, that huge badge of honor of being a do-it-yourselfer, a dyier.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And how many times do people ask you to share with them or to open up to them and you go, I'm fine, I'm fine.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I got this handled, I got it, I'm good.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we're choosing not to receive an experience to co-regulate with another woman that notices something's going on with us.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps she just wants to be there to maybe witness some pain that you're going through or acknowledge you.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a beautiful way of validating.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've done the same thing.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: People are there and have shown up in my life to want to show up for me that way, and I'm, oh, I'm fine.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I got this, I'm good.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to burden you with my stuff, and I don't want to take any of your time to talk about me.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, last week we talked about oxytocin, and one of the ways that we actually can create oxytocin and regulate is by spending time with other women and allowing them to validate us or acknowledge our or witness our pain that we might be experiencing.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that is another way we reject we reject receiving.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that's something that I would like to create an invitation.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: When someone like uh it can be anybody, a friend, your partner, husband, um an adult child, whatever, and they they truly want to assist you with something that you let them that you stop in the middle of that.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've got it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm fine, I can get this.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stop and go, wow, that really could help me out a lot.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so ready to receive.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I will receive that support and help.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it might sound a little funny, you know, there might be like, what is she saying?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have found is that a lot of people, after they've heard me say that enough, will say, What is this thing that you keep saying when you say, thank you, I'll receive that, or yeah, I would love that support, and I'll receive that.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's it's an opportunity for you to share these concepts and these principles.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that really leads us to burnout is the thought pattern of have to, need to, ought to, should, supposed to.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine that you could write all those down on a whiteboard or even on a piece of paper.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I would challenge you to, or I would invite you, I'm really wanting to change that word, I would invite you to do this.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Write the words in a in a row.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have to, I need to, I ought to, I should, and I am supposed to.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then draw a line under them and just allow yourself to take a minute and notice how you feel when you read those words.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I have taught this concept many times, and I can tell you a really common word that comes is heavy.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I feel heavy when I think about those words or when I look at them.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then I hear bondage, stuck, trapped, no agency.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And those are some other words that have come up, but there's responsibility, duty, obligation, those are more words that come up.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when we think in those terms and those words go through our head or we say them out loud, it liter it it really can create a feeling of burnout, dread.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't want to be in those kinds of feelings if we are setting an intention to stay in alignment with the divine feminine, because the divine feminine is about pleasure and flow and slowing down and experiencing playfulness and vulnerability.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So on the flip side of that, write down the words I get to, I can, I want to, I'm able to, I choose to, and then put a line under it and notice how your body feels.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I've done this in live classrooms or in presentations, a lot of words that I hear that describe how a person feels when they speak with those words is at choice, freedom, alive, thriving.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Those are words that I hear.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the reason that this is so is because we are always at choice.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Always.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And what the other words I have to, need to, uh to should suppose to insinuate is that we aren't at choice.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we are.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: The words I can, I choose to, I want to, I'm able to.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm gonna give you a couple examples of my own because I really wanted to adopt this.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because number one, I was working on moving out of being a you know famous badged DYI and doing everything on my own, and I'm fine, and I've got it, and I don't need anyone's help, and resisted receiving like crazy to going, okay, I'm gonna receive some help with this little experiment.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I talked to my family, my neighbors, my friends, and said, Hey, if you hear me say the words I have to, need to, ought to, should, suppose to, will you call me on it?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm really wanting to change and create some pattern interrupts in my life so I don't continue to do what I've always done, and then for therefore getting always getting what I've always gotten, right?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So one day I was receiving some help from a neighbor across the street, and she was helping me clean out my office and organize some files and um that kind of stuff, and I looked at my clock and I was it was three o'clock straight up.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And my daughter was in high school at the time, and I looked at the clock and I said, Oh hey, I gotta go get JC.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I she's she's out of school now, I need to go get her.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, You need to?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I stopped and I backed up and I literally did step out of that energy and step to the left and went, No, I don't need to.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: She could get a ride home from a friend, she could walk, or she could ride the bus.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is, I want to go get her because I love the time that we have together between the time we I pick her up from school and when we get home.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm the one that really likes her to be under my roof where I know where she is, and she's getting an after-school treat and then starting on her homework.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really big for me.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wow, that was huge.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I could really even feel an entire energy shift in my body when I just took that kind of raw accountability and thought, no, I don't need to go get her.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying I need to go get her, but in reality, if I'm truly speaking from my truth and my true heart's desires, I want to go get her.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, now there's this uh example of washing dishes.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sitting there one night and I look over and there's a pile of dishes in the in the in the sink.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, oh, I really should go do those dishes.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, for a minute, and I don't remember if somebody called me on it or if I just did this on my own.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, it was great.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was a big eye opener, and I so I should go do those dishes.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought to myself, you know what?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: The truth here is that I'm the one that likes to eat off of clean plates.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one that really enjoys and loves to have a clean kitchen.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't really want to go do those dishes.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to, but I am able to, and I can choose to.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there again, that is speaking from a place of truth that I am at choice, that I am able to do it, and I can, and I could choose to, instead of like feeling like there's some outside authority, you know, just constantly after me to do all of these have to, need to, ought to, shoulds.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this concept has really changed my life because there's times where I do get into a lot of dread, and I'm like, oh geez, I really have to get this done.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have you know, I should be doing this, and I'm supposed to get this done, and blah blah blah.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, whoa, hold on.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is, I could not do anything, and I'd still I'll still be okay.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I could not do one darn thing on my checkoff list today, and I would still be okay.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would still be me.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: My value, my worth, and my identity would still be the same.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to be a choice, and I can choose to receive, I can choose in when I'm capable and able, and I want to or I can.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let's shift the energy up here a little bit because a lot of people get into burnout because they put so much on their lists to do, because that's how they have value and worth and any identity, and then through their whole list, it's oh, I need to do this, oh yeah, I was supposed to do that, I was supposed to pick up this, and then I need to do that, and I have to do this and this and this and this.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, that's gonna create a lot of resistance, a lot of dread, a lot of burnout, and it is just gonna up your cortisol levels, and you're gonna try to function from dopamine, and there's like not any functioning from oxytocin.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I find that when I say, wait a minute, I'm the one that loves a clean kitchen.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I can choose, and I am perfectly able to go do those dishes.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I do them.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I'm done, I take a breath, I look around, I check in with my senses, and like this looks so good.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: With my, you know, the sense the eye from visual, from my visual sense, look around and go, wow, that looks great.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel a lot better with a nice clean kitchen.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: So there's two concepts here.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: An invitation to allow people to do things for you to serve you, and if they are not aware that there's an opportunity to do that, ask them.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ask them with a very kind, loving, warm voice.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, could you assist me with taking the groceries in?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: That would really feel good to me, and I would really love and appreciate it.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when you offer like that, or suggest or invite like that, it's gonna sound a lot better than, okay, I see it's me taking in all the garbage all the garbage, taking in all the groceries again, and you're just going in the house and ignoring me and ignoring what gets to be done.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, however we might choose to, you know, tell them that they're not helping you out and that you always have to do this by yourself.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: When maybe we were the ones that created that in the first place.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, invitations, invitations.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Write down those words that I suggested, notice how you feel with them.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you could even invite some of your family members, your kids.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, kids love to catch you saying have to, need to, ought to, should suppose to.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: They love that.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: They think that's big fun.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then changing, shifting out, backing up, step to the left and go, whew, nope, that's not true.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do that.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the supposed to?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, I could not even do that.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I even though it feels like a supposed to, a supposed to, where does that come from?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does it come from your lists?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does it come from a voice in your head?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does it come from your mother's voice 20 years ago?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Where does it come from?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And challenge it with curiosity and 100% raw accountability.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then go, hmm.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to do that.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can if I choose to, and I can choose to, and I'm perfectly able.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times it's something that we really want to do.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just like going and picking up my daughter.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: That was truly a want-to because I so cherished our time together from the ride from the school home.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna leave you with those thoughts today.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Things to think about, things to let roll through your mind, and perhaps accept a couple of those invitations and try it on.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being with me today.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate your time.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate you listening.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you considering the possibilities of embracing some of these principles and values and characteristics of the Divine Feminine.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, you can always check me out, check my website out at Awakened Academy.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Awakened Academy at awakenedacademy.io.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh also subscribe.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Share this this podcast with another woman that you believe could really benefit from it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: It would all really be greatly appreciated.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, there's a place on my website where you can sign up for a personal alignment discovery session.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to get to know you and meet you and work with you.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I hope you have a beautiful day.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for joining me for another pot for another episode of Flourishing Femme.