Latest / Magic Divorce Club Podcast / Ep 3: Who Even Am I? Identity During and After Divorce

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Ep 3: Who Even Am I? Identity During and After Divorce · Magic Divorce Club Podcast

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the magic divorce club podcast.
0:05
This is your space to successfully navigate your divorce with
0:10
confidence and create
0:11
SPEAKER_00: a roadmap to the life of your dreams.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Hannah Harvey,
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I'm the author of How to Divorce Sober and I have helped
0:20
thousands of women to
0:21
SPEAKER_00: process the trauma of divorce and step into an exciting future.
0:27
Please like and subscribe because this really helps my little
0:31
podcast to grow and
0:33
if you would like more from me you can subscribe at
0:36
magicdivorceclub.substack.com
0:40
SPEAKER_00: for a host of other support tools.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Magic Divorce Club.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: It's me, Hannah.
0:50
And today I'd really like to talk about identity and I guess
0:56
like what happened to
0:59
me as I went through my divorce to see if that supports any of
1:03
you and where you're
1:04
SPEAKER_00: feeling because I don't know about you,
1:06
SPEAKER_00: but I went through a crazy identity crisis.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: And some of it I'm still unpicking now.
1:13
We're talking like five years later and I'm like,
1:16
oh,
1:16
that's what that was all about.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: So the big one is you're obviously no longer a wife anymore.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: You're going through divorce.
1:27
Whether you want to be going through it or not,
1:31
there's still a big shift.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: Like you were a wife and now you're not.
1:38
um the other thing for me was that my ex really pushed for 50
1:43
50 split with the
1:44
kids um uh my youngest was like you know baby she was 18 months
1:52
old so that was
1:54
really hard and I didn't I didn't have the confidence to kind
1:58
of question that at
2:00
SPEAKER_00: that early stage like there was a lot going on where um
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my confidence was on the floor.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: So,
2:09
SPEAKER_00: and part of me as well,
2:11
SPEAKER_00: to be honest,
2:11
was like the thing I had been really craving within the
2:15
marriage and within life,
2:17
SPEAKER_00: you know,
2:17
SPEAKER_00: we're talking,
2:18
SPEAKER_00: we're all in COVID.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: We're all like stuck in a house together.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: The thing I really needed and wanted was time.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: So I was like,
2:29
SPEAKER_00: it was so awful,
2:31
SPEAKER_00: bittersweet thing of like,
2:33
SPEAKER_00: oh,
2:33
SPEAKER_00: thank God,
2:34
SPEAKER_00: I've got this space and time on my own.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: And then within a little while, I'm feeling guilty.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm desperately missing them.
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SPEAKER_00: And I had this feeling of like, well, who the fuck am I now?
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SPEAKER_00: I'm not their mum, like full time.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, I have no idea who I am.
2:51
when I'm not looking after my kids or not being a wife so yeah
2:58
it sent me on like a
2:59
bit of a path a journey I don't know what you want to call it
3:04
of just trying to
3:05
work out who I was and I think I basically came to the
3:11
conclusion that I don't
3:12
think I'd ever really known so like memories came up you know
3:18
through therapy and
3:19
SPEAKER_00: things like that
3:21
this one particular memory came up that was really triggering
3:25
was this time when um
3:27
I had a really like you know one of those friendships that kind
3:30
of come out of
3:31
nowhere and then all of a sudden you're like in love with each
3:34
other and you want
3:34
to do everything together I had one of those and she was
3:39
friends with this like
3:41
SPEAKER_00: fancy producer in America and he'd
3:46
like produce some pretty big films and I'd seen some of them
3:50
and I'm like wow this
3:51
guy's really you know something so we went for drinks with him
3:56
we ended up going to
3:57
York on a train to see a band and it was all like oh we're
4:01
going to see this band
4:02
SPEAKER_00: and it just felt really fancy um at the time I was a big drinker um
4:10
SPEAKER_00: Like that was just part of my identity as well was I was a big drinker.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: I was a party girl living for the moment.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: So that was who I was.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: So we were all drinking and having a lovely time.
4:21
And then on the way back on the train,
4:25
you know,
4:26
we're all deep in conversation.
4:28
And then I think I was maybe a bit quieter than I would usually
4:33
because...
4:35
SPEAKER_00: I was kind of trying to impress him.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't know,
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SPEAKER_00: like probably knowing me back in the day,
4:41
SPEAKER_00: I was all like,
4:41
SPEAKER_00: yay,
4:42
SPEAKER_00: let's people please.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: I really want this guy to like me.
4:47
And then he looked at me like dead in the eye and he was like,
4:52
you know what,
4:52
Hannah?
4:55
SPEAKER_00: I just can't tell if you're, what did he say?
5:02
now losing the momentum it was something like whether you're
5:06
deep and interesting
5:08
or just completely vacant and I was like floored and devastated
5:16
um and I was like
5:21
oh yeah he's totally found me out I'm vacant I'm not
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interesting or special I'm
5:28
SPEAKER_00: just nobody really like a
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he picked off a scab that I already felt which was I'm a bit of
5:35
a loser and there's
5:38
nothing special about me or interesting the only thing I had
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going for me was that
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I was really fun when we were out drinking and I would happily
5:50
facilitate and you
5:52
know basically do anything you want so that we could live in
5:57
the moment and all of
5:58
SPEAKER_00: that was great and I was in debt and blah blah blah
6:02
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when I'm going, right, okay, I'm no longer a mom.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm no longer a wife.
6:08
I then get greeted with this memory of,
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oh,
6:12
but before that,
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you were also a loser.
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SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, good.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: This isn't much to work with.
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um so yeah that whole feeling of like I didn't really know who
6:24
I was before I met
6:25
my ex and he was almost like my knight in shining armor who was
6:29
coming to save me
6:30
from my debt the fact I was a loser and didn't really have much
6:33
about me because he
6:34
was successful and handsome and you know all of the things so
6:39
he could come and
6:39
SPEAKER_00: save me great like the maiden inside of me was like perfect
6:44
SPEAKER_00: And now I don't need to worry about being anything in particular.
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SPEAKER_00: I can just be his wife.
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SPEAKER_00: And then soon after that, his, you know, the mother of his kids.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And by association, I would be someone of worth.
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SPEAKER_00: So strip all of that away.
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SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm not really, I'm not really anyone anymore.
7:08
But yet there was this part of me that was going,
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oh,
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I feel like you might be.
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SPEAKER_00: Like there was a really quiet voice going,
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SPEAKER_00: like not quite giving up hope yet,
7:21
SPEAKER_00: if you see what I mean.
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So a really big bit of me is like,
7:25
we're not working with great stuff here.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: But there was a quiet voice in the background going,
7:31
Like it still had faith and I don't know whether it was me or
7:36
spirit or what that
7:38
SPEAKER_00: was controlling that.
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But it helped pull me forward when at times I was feeling
7:45
really desperate.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, like I kind of had to
7:58
let everything I had become,
8:00
so mother,
8:01
wife,
8:02
that stuff,
8:03
I had to let it go.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: But then that kind of just left me with really not much to go on.
8:15
Like even the party girl living for the moment thing wasn't me
8:19
anymore because I'd
8:20
SPEAKER_00: stopped drinking.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: So to begin with,
8:25
SPEAKER_00: What popped up a lot,
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SPEAKER_00: even though I'd been sober for like two,
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SPEAKER_00: two and a half years,
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SPEAKER_00: was,
8:32
SPEAKER_00: oh,
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SPEAKER_00: this is a new thing for me.
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SPEAKER_00: So in order to find somebody else or,
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SPEAKER_00: you know,
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maybe I just need to find somebody else and then I'll be
8:44
somebody again because
8:45
SPEAKER_00: they like me.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: I was like, do I have to start drinking again?
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, is that what the next step is?
8:51
SPEAKER_00: And thankfully...
8:55
that part of me was still really strong so I guess my identity
9:01
had become I am
9:04
someone who doesn't drink and I'm proud of that and I could
9:08
feel all of the
9:09
benefits of having stopped drinking like feeling all those
9:15
benefits of how how much
9:18
SPEAKER_00: it had improved my life even though it also was
9:23
SPEAKER_00: Probably quite a big catalyst for the end of the marriage.
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SPEAKER_00: So thankfully, yes, that popped up in my brain.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: But the part of me that was super proud,
9:33
SPEAKER_00: at least of that,
9:35
SPEAKER_00: was like,
9:36
SPEAKER_00: fuck no,
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SPEAKER_00: we're not drinking.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: That's not what we're going to do.
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SPEAKER_00: But I kind of hid it a bit and pretended that, oh, I'm still really fine.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: Don't you worry.
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There's this little thing that I don't drink,
9:49
but don't worry,
9:50
I'm still really fine.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: You continue to drink.
9:52
And,
9:52
you know,
9:53
I did spend time around big drinkers for a little while,
9:58
which was interesting.
10:00
But anyway,
10:00
so my route out of that crisis to begin with was to make it
10:05
worse.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was like,
10:10
SPEAKER_00: okay,
10:10
I need external things to make me feel like I'm not vacant and
10:14
I'm not a loser.
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SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I filled it with finding a new boyfriend really quickly.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: I also filled it with, you know, a bit of an eating disorder.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: So a famine and feast situation where
10:28
SPEAKER_00: Like at the time, I call it the misery diet.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: And yeah,
10:32
SPEAKER_00: I was fully in the misery diet of like,
10:34
SPEAKER_00: I better get as skinny as I can because I need somebody else to like me.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: Because right now I feel unlovable and empty and not good enough.
10:47
And all of those feelings that can kind of come up at the end
10:50
of your relationship,
10:51
SPEAKER_00: whether you choose to leave or not,
10:54
SPEAKER_00: it does really disrupt life.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: all of your values, I guess, and like your sense of self.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: So I would,
11:03
SPEAKER_00: you know,
11:04
SPEAKER_00: when the feelings started to come up,
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SPEAKER_00: that empty feeling,
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SPEAKER_00: I would fill it with stuff that wasn't really very helpful.
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SPEAKER_00: And I also let my identity become the divorcee who was in the fight.
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SPEAKER_00: So really letting that consume me and being like,
11:26
I guess letting the fear and the overwhelm take over so that
11:31
that became my
11:32
identity and that became my thing that I could speak to my
11:34
friends about and that
11:36
SPEAKER_00: would give me attention and...
11:40
yeah,
11:41
again,
11:41
it's like not really,
11:43
not,
11:43
not,
11:44
it wasn't really serving me.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: So the one amazing thing that I kept doing,
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SPEAKER_00: so the month before I left my ex because of something catastrophic,
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SPEAKER_00: I had been manifesting,
12:00
SPEAKER_00: like I was so down in the dumps.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: It was June, 2020, middle of lockdown.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like,
12:06
SPEAKER_00: This is an actual living nightmare.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: We're all stuck in this house together.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Lovely big house in the middle of the countryside.
12:13
It was,
12:14
you know,
12:14
we were one of the lucky ones,
12:16
but I was deeply unhappy.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: So...
12:19
SPEAKER_00: I dug out all my things from The Secret,
12:23
SPEAKER_00: which had helped me out of a dark time a few years before.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm going to go all in with this.
12:29
So every morning I was getting up at 5am to create that time
12:33
that I was telling you
12:34
SPEAKER_00: about that I was so desperately craving.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: I would sit for kind of half an hour,
12:39
do a little meditation to fill myself up with light and then
12:43
write down everything
12:44
that I wanted in my life as if it had already happened and
12:48
keeping it positive.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: So like I'd be writing things about,
12:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy and grateful that my husband is happy and healthy.
12:56
I'm so happy and grateful that I've got loads of time to work
12:59
on my creative
13:00
SPEAKER_00: pursuits,
13:01
SPEAKER_00: that kind of thing.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: So I was doing it over and over again every single day for a month.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: And then this thing happened and I'm like, what?
13:10
SPEAKER_00: This is not what I was calling in.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: But obviously now I can look back and go, what a gift.
13:18
Because it allowed me to leave because I don't believe that
13:22
neither myself nor my
13:24
ex could have the future we both needed and wanted whilst we
13:29
were together.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: And I needed support to leave.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: So that thing happened.
13:38
And after that happened,
13:42
I continued to do this manifesting every morning.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: So even when I was at my lowest,
13:49
SPEAKER_00: I was still...
13:50
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't getting up at 5am every day,
13:51
SPEAKER_00: don't get me wrong.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: But I was still making space to do my manifesting.
13:58
So even if I spent the day feeling like,
14:01
oh,
14:01
this is really dark,
14:02
this is really awful...
14:04
SPEAKER_00: At least I was spending time getting into the vibrations,
14:10
SPEAKER_00: I guess,
14:11
SPEAKER_00: of like calling in the things that I do really want.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, what a gift.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Like it honestly brought me all the things that I needed,
14:23
SPEAKER_00: like the house that I needed to live in for the next year and a bit.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: There were no houses where I was to rent and
14:34
SPEAKER_00: in my area because everybody was leaving the city.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Like,
14:38
people were literally moving into the area from London and
14:41
stuff like that because
14:42
SPEAKER_00: people wanted to be out of the city during COVID.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: And I managed to find a house.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, the day it went on the market, it was mine kind of thing.
14:54
And it ended up being,
14:55
like,
14:57
by some weird coincidence,
14:58
somebody that I kind of knew.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: So they...
15:02
obviously could see that I was in trouble and stepped in and
15:07
supported me.
15:07
Like they had loads of people they could have chosen from,
15:10
but they chose me.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: I already had Natalie in my life.
15:18
She is a yoga teacher who works in,
15:21
she's got a beautiful studio in Corbridge.
15:23
So if you're there,
15:24
go and give her a big cuddle and say,
15:26
Hannah says to say hi.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: But she was just an actual angel.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: And she
15:37
We kind of almost bubbled together and she came and supported
15:40
me and we were doing yoga.
15:42
And then through her,
15:43
I met Jamba,
15:44
who became my yoga teacher and taught me how to teach yoga.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: And then I bumped into Katie,
15:49
SPEAKER_00: who then supported me for the next year and a half,
15:52
SPEAKER_00: creating my original podcast,
15:54
SPEAKER_00: Happily Ever After.
15:56
I then had a heartbreak which led to like a love affair with
16:00
the sea and I bumped
16:03
SPEAKER_00: into Claire Venus who introduced me to Amber.
16:08
Claire's now like my business bestie and I love her to the moon
16:11
and back and like
16:12
SPEAKER_00: we're just doing beautiful things together and that's amazing.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: And then she led me to Amber who was like, you need to go on a sex ban.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I met the love of my life.
16:21
Like all of this is happening whilst I'm calling these things
16:26
in and letting my
16:27
SPEAKER_00: brain spot the opportunities.
16:30
And I think one of the most amazing things you can do if you're
16:34
willing to do this
16:35
SPEAKER_00: work is to just kind of let go of what it is you think you're calling in.
16:45
and be open to noticing like the actual opportunities so not
16:53
everything I wrote
16:54
happened the way I imagined it would but incredible things have
16:59
happened and
16:59
they've still led me to where I want to be um so yeah I just
17:05
want to urge you and
17:06
SPEAKER_00: say like if you feel a nudge to do something like
17:12
SPEAKER_00: be really curious and go and explore these things.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: So for me, like, the whole getting in the sea thing, I just...
17:26
had this nudge that I needed to go do it and then I ended up
17:29
doing it feeling the
17:31
pull to do it every single day for 21 weeks getting in the sea
17:38
granted it was over
17:38
the summer fine but um you know still bloody cold it's the
17:43
North Sea babes and yeah
17:47
SPEAKER_00: like that was when I was trying to manifest the
17:51
SPEAKER_00: the person that I was meant to be with.
17:53
Because for a while I was like,
17:55
I don't believe that this actually exists anymore.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Like I was so jaded by dating and just continuing to follow old patterns.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: I was like, maybe I'm just meant to be on my own and that's that.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: But it turns out amazing men or women...
18:20
are around they do exist and we can find them but they might
18:27
not look or sound or
18:28
whatever exactly the way you thought they would so being open
18:34
and going like
18:35
following the nudges and all of that kind of stuff is is where
18:39
the real magic comes
18:40
SPEAKER_00: in um
18:44
yeah so like things like going on like following the flow
18:48
follow what's easy like
18:49
not it doesn't it's not always going to be easy i don't i don't
18:52
want to pretend it
18:53
is like going on a sex band definitely didn't feel easy um but
18:58
the alternative was
18:59
to continue letting dating apps and my hunt for the right
19:05
person to consume me and
19:07
i didn't like the control it had over me so actually that felt
19:11
even harder than
19:12
SPEAKER_00: just saying i'm done like
19:16
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't keep meeting fuckwits and continuing to repeat old patterns.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, who I'm looking for is not on there.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: And they may well be on there for you.
19:28
But if you find that you're repeating patterns and meeting
19:31
people that are not your
19:33
SPEAKER_00: soulmate,
19:34
then consider taking some time off and just work with the
19:38
universe a little bit and
19:39
follow the nudges for a little while and just see where it
19:42
takes you because you
19:43
SPEAKER_00: never know.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: You never know.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: So long and short of it is,
19:49
SPEAKER_00: if you feel like you have no idea who you are right now,
19:54
SPEAKER_00: I want to reassure you and say,
19:56
SPEAKER_00: please don't worry.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Like it is completely expected.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: That if you are going to go through a divorce or,
20:07
SPEAKER_00: you know,
20:07
SPEAKER_00: a big breakup,
20:10
SPEAKER_00: that completely changes where you live,
20:13
SPEAKER_00: who you're spending your time with,
20:15
SPEAKER_00: how much you see your children,
20:16
SPEAKER_00: all of that kind of stuff.
20:20
There are so many bits of our identity that are tied up in
20:23
that,
20:24
that are now gone,
20:26
right?
20:27
SPEAKER_00: So there's a grieving process that we have to go through.
20:30
I've been talking about this in the Magic Divorce Club,
20:36
the five week transformation.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Like this week,
20:38
SPEAKER_00: we've been talking about that part of us that is a maiden,
20:43
SPEAKER_00: like,
20:44
SPEAKER_00: you know,
20:44
SPEAKER_00: the bit of me that looked for somebody else to rescue me.
20:49
She is a really important part of my life and I know from
20:53
looking at my human design
20:58
SPEAKER_00: that actually my childlike qualities is like, I'm like, is that a gift?
21:03
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel like one.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: But it actually is.
21:05
It means that I can show up for people and help them connect to
21:10
like the beauty of
21:11
SPEAKER_00: the world because there is so much beauty.
21:14
And if I don't nurture and look after the maiden part of me and
21:19
acknowledge the pain she was in,
21:23
I was never going to get to a point where I could get her to
21:26
turn up and shine again.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, this grieving of the bits of us that are deeply sad.
21:34
There'll be bits of you that are like,
21:36
fuck this shit,
21:37
I'm the queen,
21:37
I'm going to take over.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: But we need to kind of, it's a balance.
21:43
You know,
21:43
you can't let that fighting part of you suppress the bit of you
21:48
that is just broken.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: So it's really natural to feel like you're not sure what's going on.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: But it is safe to give it space.
22:01
My client last week was saying to me,
22:04
I'm scared that if I go in,
22:06
I'm going to fall apart.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to get back up again.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: But do it with support.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Therapy is a really handy tool for a start.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: Do this with your therapist.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: But you can also do it in quieter,
22:25
smaller steps and do some of the meditations that you've got
22:29
access to through the
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Magic Divorce Club.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: You know, it is safe to give these things space.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: And it's your job,
22:39
SPEAKER_00: you being like the bit that I'm communicating with now,
22:44
SPEAKER_00: to reassure the part of you that is sad,
22:47
SPEAKER_00: that's hurting yourself.
22:49
you know,
22:50
the really lost part of you and just to keep saying you're
22:54
okay.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: When that bit is freaking out,
22:57
SPEAKER_00: like you get extra points if you can say this out loud,
23:00
SPEAKER_00: like you're okay,
23:01
SPEAKER_00: you're doing enough,
23:03
SPEAKER_00: you're doing your best.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Just keep reassuring that bit and listen to what it's got to tell you.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: What is it sad about?
23:10
SPEAKER_00: I remember sitting and writing it all out.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: At one point, my therapist was like,
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay,
23:16
SPEAKER_00: the next time you have tears,
23:17
SPEAKER_00: this is great,
23:18
SPEAKER_00: like let it out,
23:19
but I want you to also write down what it is that you're sad
23:24
about so we can get
23:25
SPEAKER_00: specific and understand what it is.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: And acknowledge it, you know, awareness is so powerful.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to all be that dark.
23:37
So we can go in and it is hard to go inside,
23:41
but it is the quickest route to the light,
23:44
I find.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: So like looking at the shadows,
23:48
shining a torch and going okay that's what's going on that's
23:52
how I'm feeling and
23:54
it's completely valid that I feel that way I'm not going to
23:57
shame that part of
23:58
myself or you know tell myself off or use somebody else's voice
24:05
to tell it off like
24:07
SPEAKER_00: We're just holding space for these bits of us.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be all dark.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: So you can go in,
24:15
SPEAKER_00: maybe give yourself a time limit and say,
24:16
SPEAKER_00: okay,
24:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to look at the shadows for a bit.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to write it out.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to have a cry and a release.
24:22
And then I'm going to use one of Hannah's meditations so I can
24:25
fill myself up with light again.
24:29
So for members of the Magic Divorce Club,
24:32
the membership over on Substack,
24:35
like,
24:36
SPEAKER_00: There are meditations there for you to use.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: And on Monday, so where are we now?
24:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't even know what the date is.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: Not to worry.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: The Monday coming.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: I'll put it in the show notes.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be sharing live 10 a.m.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: So every Monday 10 a.m.
24:53
I go live and we do a meditation for Monday to help you process
25:00
what's happened
25:01
SPEAKER_00: over the weekend and then really set your intentions for the week ahead.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: So I'll call it Magic Mondays.
25:09
And this week I want to share a meditation where we'll be
25:13
filling up those spaces.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: You know, my vacant feeling needed to be filled with light.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I did.
25:23
So I'll share that with you on Monday and we'll just keep
25:25
filling ourselves up with
25:26
SPEAKER_00: lights because that is how we fill up those
25:32
empty spaces instead of trying to stuff it with food which I
25:36
used to do all the
25:37
time um not saying I don't enjoy food now but like not to the
25:41
extent that I was
25:43
like force feeding myself and none of it would help you know
25:48
and then you wake up
25:48
SPEAKER_00: in the morning you're like
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, why am I hungover and I don't even drink?
25:53
SPEAKER_00: That kind of thing.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: You know the kind.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: So yes, fill up with light instead of copious amounts of bagels.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Message to self.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: So that's live at 10am on Mondays.
26:08
And doing this will also support your manifesting because
26:11
you're connecting to a
26:13
SPEAKER_00: much higher vibration.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: So every time that you visualize something outside of yourself,
26:19
SPEAKER_00: something like sparkly and magical,
26:22
SPEAKER_00: and then allow it to fill you up,
26:23
SPEAKER_00: it's like just really,
26:26
SPEAKER_00: really quickly changes your vibration.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: And then you can go into your manifesting.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: And for me, I just script it out.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: You may need to dictate it.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: Make a vision board.
26:40
I made a vision board today for my next eight weeks because I'm
26:43
working through a
26:45
SPEAKER_00: mastermind group.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: So like one of our tasks was to make a vision board.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: It's really helpful.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: It gives you that visual if you're not a visual person.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, just keep
27:02
writing it out or thinking it out or feeling it out whatever
27:06
way is best for the
27:07
way you learn um exactly what you want and how and as if it's
27:14
already happened so
27:16
SPEAKER_00: you know we've got to keep doing this keep training the brain to spot the
27:20
opportunities to not completely freak out and lose it because
27:26
you know divorce is a
27:28
SPEAKER_00: tricky tricky time and
27:30
SPEAKER_00: And to allow you to keep the faith.
27:35
And also to let the universe know if you believe in this or God
27:38
or Holy Spirit or
27:40
whatever it is that helps you to connect to something outside
27:42
of yourself.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: Letting those things know that the specifics of what it is you want.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: and yes,
27:49
SPEAKER_00: it may not come about in exactly the way that you visualised,
27:54
SPEAKER_00: you'll notice,
27:55
SPEAKER_00: you'll be like,
27:56
SPEAKER_00: oh,
27:57
SPEAKER_00: that must have been because I was asking for this,
27:59
SPEAKER_00: and actually this thing's better.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: It's really fun,
28:04
SPEAKER_00: it's wild,
28:05
SPEAKER_00: but you almost have to be a bit delusional,
28:08
SPEAKER_00: but also radically honest with yourself at the same time.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: It's a bit of a juggle to give
28:14
the part of you that's grieving space but also to go we're okay
28:19
we're doing okay
28:21
you're doing enough um and making sure that you you know really
28:26
acknowledge the
28:26
pain and feel it and then fill yourself up as much as you can
28:30
with support with
28:31
love with light and all of that stuff so my darlings i really
28:39
hope that was helpful
28:40
SPEAKER_00: um let me know what you think
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Have you tried manifesting before?
28:45
SPEAKER_00: How do you do it?
28:48
SPEAKER_00: What are you calling in?
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Let me know.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: You know?
28:55
SPEAKER_00: So I would be really grateful if you could get in touch.
28:59
Send me any questions that you've got and I will share and talk
29:02
about them on the podcast.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: And just have an amazing week.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: You're doing so well.
29:10
You need to keep reminding yourself that this is the hardest
29:15
thing I've ever done.
29:19
yeah it's it's not easy and working out who you are after it is
29:25
not easy but the
29:26
good news is it's exciting like the bit afterwards once you've
29:31
given it space to
29:32
SPEAKER_00: breathe is just really magical and I cannot wait to see what you do next
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening.
29:41
SPEAKER_00: And if you could subscribe and leave a review, that would be amazing.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: For all of your tips and tools,
29:49
head over to magicdivorceclub.substack.com and you can find
29:57
everything that you
29:58
SPEAKER_00: need there.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: You've got this and I've got you.