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Funeral Homes, Necromancy & Blood Rituals · Cosmic Peach

0:00
Speaker 1: Baby on my game statue. It takes a little tangle.
0:04
Speaker 1: You don't want to mess with me, mess with me baby,
0:07
Speaker 1: I'm my gangstatu puch baby game statue.
0:23
Speaker 2: For good warning, this podcast is designed to take you
0:26
Speaker 2: outside of your comfort zone and make you question reality.
0:30
Speaker 3: Listener Discretion is a vibe.
0:38
Speaker 4: Talk with me, fellas.
0:41
Speaker 2: This ain't my first time at the rodeos.
0:58
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome, come back to the I can show.
1:04
Speaker 1: I'm gonna open us up with a little something different today.
1:09
Speaker 1: It is Saturday, May second. Hopefully I can get this
1:12
Speaker 1: posted by tonight or tomorrow, but it is officially May,
1:19
Speaker 1: and that means it's Mother's Day month, and we got
1:25
Speaker 1: some stuff we can talk about with that, just real quick.
1:29
Speaker 1: But the last few days heading into May, and I
1:36
Speaker 1: know you guys are gonna say, wow, this is really
1:39
Speaker 1: unlike you, but it has to be said. I was
1:44
Speaker 1: and still am just feeling on fucking edge. Every little
1:52
Speaker 1: thing was pissing me off, and every little thing was
1:59
Speaker 1: just setting me into a fucking nervous breakdown. And that's
2:05
Speaker 1: actually not really like me because having a seven month
2:12
Speaker 1: old baby who's just learning to stand and getting into
2:17
Speaker 1: stuff and putting himself in dire jeopardy every thirty seconds.
2:29
Speaker 1: You would think, you know, I'd be losing my cool,
2:32
Speaker 1: but I'm not. These last few days though, it's not
2:36
Speaker 1: even him, it's everything, everything I touch it. It's like, why
2:40
Speaker 1: the fuck was this designed this way? I fucking hate it.
2:43
Speaker 1: I'm throwing it away, like the TV remote anything. Everything
2:50
Speaker 1: was pissing me off, and I'd be scrolling, scrolling, scrolling
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Speaker 1: on all the social medias and this post popped up
3:00
Speaker 1: and I was like, ah, wait a second. And I'm
3:05
Speaker 1: not one to get on board with the astrologies or
3:11
Speaker 1: the retrofuge or the venus backwards, but this got my eye.
3:17
Speaker 1: Just wanted to share it with you. It says full
3:22
Speaker 1: moon in Scorpio May first through the second. This one
3:26
Speaker 1: goes deep. Do you guys feel it? And it says
3:31
Speaker 1: every year around this time we meet one of the
3:35
Speaker 1: most intense full moons of the year.
3:38
Speaker 2: And you can.
3:39
Speaker 1: Probably feel it already, Emotions rising, old wounds getting triggered.
3:46
Speaker 2: I hate that word.
3:49
Speaker 1: Reactions stronger than usual. This is not just another full moon.
3:56
Speaker 1: This is full moon in Scorpio. We can't go deeper
4:00
Speaker 1: than that. And it says, what is this full moon about?
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Speaker 1: Scorpio is ruled by transformation, depth and truth. It brings
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Speaker 1: up what we usually avoid, hidden emotions, jealousy, control, possessiveness,
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Speaker 1: past wounds, trauma, resentment, grudges, power dynamics, endings, letting go, life, death,
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Speaker 1: rebirth cycles. This is the sign that says, look at
4:35
Speaker 1: what's uncomfortable, because that's where the truth is full. Moons illuminate,
4:44
Speaker 1: and so I'm not one to put blue marangu taint
4:48
Speaker 1: rub on or any of that stuff. You know this
4:52
Speaker 1: about me, but there are certain aspects of spirituality that
4:59
Speaker 1: I of course agree with, always have. I don't know
5:03
Speaker 1: what the moon is, but I do know that it
5:06
Speaker 1: has an emotional influence on human beings. And as a woman,
5:12
Speaker 1: your cycle is supposed to line up with the moon
5:16
Speaker 1: and shit like that.
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Speaker 2: I don't know.
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Speaker 1: Mine's never been right. Maybe the moon doesn't like me,
5:22
Speaker 1: or maybe I've been pharmaceutically damaged, probably the latter, Thank
5:27
Speaker 1: you guard to sell, among other things. But yeah, I
5:35
Speaker 1: just was wondering if anybody else was feeling a little
5:38
Speaker 1: bit on edge emotions messed up big time, And it
5:45
Speaker 1: can't only be me, because obviously whoever made that post
5:50
Speaker 1: is probably feeling some intense emotions as well. But yeah,
5:58
Speaker 1: hopefully this subside because this is not a type of
6:02
Speaker 1: attitude to want to be in for long, I can
6:05
Speaker 1: tell you that. But we got a lot of fun
6:09
Speaker 1: stuff to talk about today. It is the month of
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Speaker 1: Mother's Day, and because I post erratically, I don't know
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Speaker 1: if I'm going to get to say Happy Mother's Stay
6:20
Speaker 1: right on the day, so I just wanted to say
6:23
Speaker 1: it now. By the time this rolls out for the
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Speaker 1: free feed, it'll probably be closer to Mother's Day. So
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Speaker 1: all you ladies out there, mothers who listen to the show,
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Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Stay. This is my first Mother's Day as
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Speaker 1: an actual mother, and it's the first Mother's Day I
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Speaker 1: feel like I'm actually going to get to enjoy. Because
6:49
Speaker 1: for those of you who are longtime listeners, you already
6:52
Speaker 1: know this. But my mom passed away in twenty seventeen,
6:56
Speaker 1: and we were best friends. She was my soulmate, if
7:01
Speaker 1: you will. We were thinkett thieves, best friends, ride or die,
7:08
Speaker 1: and she passed away and I could never enjoy Mother's
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Speaker 1: Day after that. It was a source of some real
7:17
Speaker 1: suffering every time it ran around. But this year's different.
7:22
Speaker 1: This year I get to claim it as my own,
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Speaker 1: and while I wish she was here and I know
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Speaker 1: that she is looking out for me and my baby,
7:32
Speaker 1: I get to enjoy it as being a mother myself,
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Speaker 1: which is really cool. I feel like I should buy
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Speaker 1: myself a present. You know, the most toxic saying on earth,
7:43
Speaker 1: go treat yourself. But I might just do that. It
7:50
Speaker 1: is a cause for celebration, especially all you single moms
7:54
Speaker 1: out there. I see you, I fucking see you, and.
8:00
Speaker 2: Happy Mother's Day.
8:02
Speaker 1: It did occur to me though, as I was thinking about,
8:06
Speaker 1: Oh Mother's Day, and you know, I can't wait till
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Speaker 1: my baby's older and he can comprehend it.
8:12
Speaker 2: Maybe he'll make me.
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Speaker 1: A little craft out of a styrofoam cup or something
8:17
Speaker 1: that's the sweetest thing ever, some little homemade craft for
8:22
Speaker 1: Mother's Day. I'll cherish it and keep it forever. I
8:25
Speaker 1: used to do stuff like that, But it occurred to
8:29
Speaker 1: me how many things I did as a kid just.
8:32
Speaker 2: To make my mom happy.
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Speaker 1: And I hope I don't do that with my own son,
8:39
Speaker 1: but inevitably it'll probably happen, because if he's anything like me,
8:45
Speaker 1: I just wanted to make my mom happy at all costs.
8:49
Speaker 1: Here's an example, I was a full blown adult when
8:55
Speaker 1: I realized that I don't have to eat the peel
9:00
Speaker 1: of a baked potato just because I'm having a baked potato.
9:05
Speaker 1: That was something my mom wanted me to do when
9:08
Speaker 1: I was little, and I did it just to make
9:11
Speaker 1: her happy. But I gagged that bitch down. Okay, we
9:17
Speaker 1: used to roll through Wendy's. All the other kids are
9:20
Speaker 1: getting chicken nuggets, little cheese, burger ketchup. Only No, my
9:29
Speaker 1: mom would get us cheddar bacon sometimes, and I didn't
9:34
Speaker 1: enjoy this as a kid, cheddar broccoli, baked potato at Wendy's.
9:42
Speaker 1: As an adult, I met people who didn't even know
9:45
Speaker 1: the baked potato option was a thing at Wendy's because
9:49
Speaker 1: their mom was getting chicken nuggets, their mom was getting
9:52
Speaker 1: French fries.
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Speaker 2: Not my mom.
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Speaker 1: No, We'd roll up at the Windy's, get a cheddar
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Speaker 1: bacon loaded baked potato, and asided chili. That was my
10:05
Speaker 1: Wendy's experience until I was an a dope. Okay, I
10:12
Speaker 1: didn't even know Wendy's had other things. Anytime anybody said
10:16
Speaker 1: you want something from Wendy's, I'd be like, I really
10:18
Speaker 1: don't want a baked potato right now? That just does
10:22
Speaker 1: not sound good. It is the middle of summer, it's
10:26
Speaker 1: a thousand degrees outside. I really don't want chili or
10:29
Speaker 1: a baked potato. But she would say, I'd get done
10:33
Speaker 1: eating all the guts right, all the deliciousness of the
10:37
Speaker 1: synthetic gas plastic as melted cheese and baco bits or
10:43
Speaker 1: whatever they put on the Wendy's baked potato, little sour
10:48
Speaker 1: cream that had a horrible after flavor, and you know,
10:52
Speaker 1: I'd get to the end and I'd be looking at
10:54
Speaker 1: her like, is she gonna say it? Oh God, please,
10:58
Speaker 1: Maybe this time she won't say it. And she would
11:00
Speaker 1: every time she'd say, you better eat that peel. That's
11:03
Speaker 1: where all the nutrients is. And I'd say, Mom, you know,
11:08
Speaker 1: I really don't want to eat the peel, and she said,
11:10
Speaker 1: that's where all the new treance is. You're gonna eat
11:15
Speaker 1: that peel. So I'd sit there, I'd choke that shit down,
11:20
Speaker 1: I'd gag it down, I'd cut that bitch up. She'd say,
11:24
Speaker 1: when you're older, you learn you just cut the peel
11:27
Speaker 1: up as you eat the potatoes, so that way you
11:29
Speaker 1: don't have to just sit there and eat a peel,
11:32
Speaker 1: and I would every time dodge the peel until the
11:37
Speaker 1: very end. I thought I was the only one, though,
11:41
Speaker 1: who did stuff like that to make their mom happy.
11:45
Speaker 1: And then as an adult you realize like, oh, I
11:48
Speaker 1: don't have to eat the peel if I don't want to.
11:50
Speaker 1: And guess what, I don't want to. And when I
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Speaker 1: make mashed potatoes, I grind those fucking peels up in
11:58
Speaker 1: the garbage disposal after I'm thoroughly peeling all the skin off.
12:06
Speaker 2: Of that bitch.
12:06
Speaker 1: And yeah, maybe it's loaded with nutrients. I take liver supplements.
12:10
Speaker 2: I'm good.
12:11
Speaker 1: I don't need to eat the potato beeal. But my
12:17
Speaker 1: first husband, God, my life sucks. My first husband also
12:25
Speaker 1: did this. When I caught him one day, we went
12:27
Speaker 1: through the drive through somewhere fast food place, McDonald's or
12:31
Speaker 1: Taco Bell, whatever, and he ordered his food with a
12:35
Speaker 1: sprite and he was sitting there eating his food and
12:37
Speaker 1: he took a big sip of the sprite and he
12:39
Speaker 1: was like ugh, And I said, oh, is it flat?
12:44
Speaker 1: He goes, No, I just don't really like sprite. And
12:47
Speaker 1: I said, why did you get they have other stuff
12:50
Speaker 1: other stuffed in sprite? Why did you get spray if
12:54
Speaker 1: you don't like it?
12:55
Speaker 4: Oh?
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Speaker 1: You know, my dad, every time we would go through
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Speaker 1: the drive through, he always got me a spread. He
13:00
Speaker 1: never even asked. He just always would order me a
13:02
Speaker 1: sprite with whatever. And I said, you know, as an adult,
13:08
Speaker 1: you can order the roupyr, the coke, the pepsi, whatever.
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Speaker 1: You don't have to get the sprite. And he thought
13:21
Speaker 1: about it for a second and he was like, I
13:22
Speaker 1: just you know, I don't know. I just when they
13:24
Speaker 1: asked what I want to drink, I just say sprite.
13:26
Speaker 1: It just comes out subconscious programming. Our parents do it
13:32
Speaker 1: to us, the government does it to us. School systems
13:36
Speaker 1: do it to us. We grow up with a system
13:40
Speaker 1: of indoctrination from one way or the other, even from
13:44
Speaker 1: people we love. And I'm here to tell you, as
13:48
Speaker 1: an adult, it's time to step back, take inventory of
13:54
Speaker 1: your life. Are their habits that you, yes, you do
14:00
Speaker 1: on a daily basis or every now and again, that
14:03
Speaker 1: you actually don't know where it comes from?
14:08
Speaker 2: How did I find out I don't have.
14:09
Speaker 1: To eat the pela the potato even though I'm sitting
14:13
Speaker 1: there grown ass Because I went to Wendy's with one
14:16
Speaker 1: of my friends and I was like, I'm going to
14:22
Speaker 1: run to the bathroom really quick. Can you just order
14:24
Speaker 1: for me? And she was like, yeah, what do you want?
14:26
Speaker 1: And I said cheddar bacon, baked potato, and aside of
14:30
Speaker 1: the chili, and she said, oh really, oh okay, well yeah,
14:34
Speaker 1: all right. She got something delicious like some kind of
14:39
Speaker 1: strawberry walnut salad and she got a frosty and fries.
14:45
Speaker 1: Probably canceled out the salad, but whatever. And she was
14:49
Speaker 1: sitting there eating a delicious meal right in front of me.
14:52
Speaker 1: I had this potato and I started choking this fucking
14:54
Speaker 1: peel down.
14:55
Speaker 2: She was like, that's really gross. Why do you do that?
14:58
Speaker 2: And I was like, that's where.
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Speaker 1: All the neutrae in the peel and she was like, well,
15:04
Speaker 1: if you don't like it, why are you? And it
15:06
Speaker 1: just like things that we do, we don't even notice
15:09
Speaker 1: that we do, like eat the fucking peel of a
15:12
Speaker 1: potato when you don't want it, order a sprite when
15:14
Speaker 1: you hate sprite. But I'm so grateful for my mom.
15:19
Speaker 1: You guys, she was the funnest, coolest mom of all time.
15:22
Speaker 1: Potato peel be damned. She I mean, we used to
15:28
Speaker 1: make homemade pizzas like from scratch. She got this little
15:32
Speaker 1: chef boyardy pizza maker kit It was the funnest Friday
15:37
Speaker 1: night you've ever spent. We'd watch scary movies all night
15:42
Speaker 1: and she would light these little candles all over the house.
15:45
Speaker 2: It was just cozy.
15:47
Speaker 1: As an adult woman, you find out how important a
15:51
Speaker 1: skill it is to be able to make a home cozy,
15:57
Speaker 1: like what your mom used to do for you. Maybe
16:00
Speaker 1: your mom didn't do that, and I'm so fucking sorry
16:03
Speaker 1: that you didn't grow up in a cozy home.
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Speaker 2: It is my mission in life as.
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Speaker 1: An adult female, to make whatever space I'm living in
16:14
Speaker 1: as cozy as I possibly can, because it's just, you know,
16:20
Speaker 1: you catch a whiff of something, it takes you straight
16:24
Speaker 1: back in your mind to a memory and coziness and
16:28
Speaker 1: like warm scented candles and all these things. They take
16:32
Speaker 1: me straight back to a sweeter time, and I hope
16:36
Speaker 1: to create that for my child.
16:40
Speaker 2: We're not doing. There's this whole thing that started at
16:43
Speaker 2: some point.
16:44
Speaker 1: I think I was in like high school, because my
16:46
Speaker 1: sister bought a new house and I noticed how horrific
16:49
Speaker 1: it was. They started painting everything white. Everything's white, the
16:55
Speaker 1: kitchen's white, with white cabinets and white tiles on the
16:59
Speaker 1: floor and no carpeting, and everything is just white, white bathrooms.
17:06
Speaker 1: You go to order kids toys now, if the if
17:10
Speaker 1: they can make it white, they will, or gray or
17:15
Speaker 1: gray's or some form. They've like, they've like sucked color
17:22
Speaker 1: all the cars at some point they were just like,
17:25
Speaker 1: we don't make cars with color anymore. You get gray, black, white,
17:29
Speaker 1: or some form of beige. That's what you get. And
17:34
Speaker 1: if you look at any establishment, everything's bricked white, gray, beige, black.
17:42
Speaker 1: They've literally sucked color out of life. I don't know
17:48
Speaker 1: if anybody else has noticed that, but as you can
17:51
Speaker 1: tell from my lovely home in the background, fuck that nonsense.
17:55
Speaker 1: I don't know who the fuck wants to fucking live
17:59
Speaker 1: and how that looks like a dentist's office, but not me.
18:05
Speaker 1: And if I were ever to find a man who
18:08
Speaker 1: would accept me as I am, and what I'm going
18:11
Speaker 1: for is somebody who's stable, established wants to buy a
18:16
Speaker 1: bitch of house and take care of her kid.
18:21
Speaker 2: I'm not saying it's possible.
18:22
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, if you know there was Robin Williams
18:26
Speaker 1: showed up as the genie in his dead ass corpse
18:29
Speaker 1: form in my living room and said, you can get
18:32
Speaker 1: three wishes. First wish, rich guy who's mentally stable, halfway attractive,
18:40
Speaker 1: wants to buy a bitch a house and take care
18:42
Speaker 1: of his kid. Maybe his family's got money and they
18:46
Speaker 1: trickled some down to him. I don't know, maybe they
18:48
Speaker 1: died left him a fortune. I would look for a
18:51
Speaker 1: house with some type of oak cabinetry, maybe some carp
19:00
Speaker 1: We could replace it if it's gross, but carpets.
19:05
Speaker 2: I got a kid.
19:06
Speaker 1: I don't need him running around banging his knees up
19:09
Speaker 1: on everything. You know.
19:12
Speaker 2: I would like.
19:13
Speaker 1: Nice warm tones in the home. We're not going for
19:18
Speaker 1: graye We're not going for beige, white, or black or
19:24
Speaker 1: anything like that. I like a nice, toasty, cozy home,
19:30
Speaker 1: and that's what I would be looking for. I know
19:32
Speaker 1: a lot of women. I see it with Joanna Gaines
19:36
Speaker 1: or whatever name is the Magnolia home that all these
19:40
Speaker 1: women the dream home looks like a dentist's office. To me,
19:45
Speaker 1: gray marble, white cabinet tree.
19:49
Speaker 2: Who the fuck wants that?
19:51
Speaker 1: That looks ugly?
19:53
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
19:53
Speaker 1: And if you have that in your home, we can
19:55
Speaker 1: still be friends and just disagree, you know, we can
19:58
Speaker 1: have a different path if you will, But anyways, I
20:02
Speaker 1: just want to get that out of my system real quick.
20:05
Speaker 1: Maybe it's this full moon that's got me impassioned, but
20:11
Speaker 1: it's something else I've been thinking about because of the
20:13
Speaker 1: topic we're going to be going over today. I wanted
20:17
Speaker 1: to be two things when I was a child. Anytime
20:21
Speaker 1: a teacher would ask, I would only give one of
20:23
Speaker 1: these two answers. An archaeologist because I wanted to dig
20:29
Speaker 1: up mommies in Egypt specifically, or a mortician. I wanted
20:35
Speaker 1: to cut up dead bodies, embalm them, put makeup on them,
20:40
Speaker 1: put a little hair piece on I don't know what
20:42
Speaker 1: they do, and work at a funeral home. And with
20:48
Speaker 1: the amount of SRA survivors I've discovered who say most
20:53
Speaker 1: funeral homes and churches are wrapped up in this shit,
20:59
Speaker 1: it just I would it would not be something that
21:03
Speaker 1: would be on my radar as an adult. I'll tell
21:05
Speaker 1: you that right now. I went to hair school, so
21:07
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Okay, I'm trailer trash over here. But
21:11
Speaker 1: I had dreamed as a child, because they tell you
21:15
Speaker 1: can be anything with limits. I wanted to be an
21:19
Speaker 1: archaeologist or a mortician, and I think it's just because
21:24
Speaker 1: I have a dark sense of humor. I wanted to
21:30
Speaker 1: dressed up dead bodies, cut them up. I have a
21:33
Speaker 1: morbid fascination obviously look at the kind of stuff that
21:38
Speaker 1: we talk about. But they're like, when you really think
21:41
Speaker 1: about the funeral home, most of the time, it's shit
21:44
Speaker 1: that stays in families. It's like a generational thing, and
21:48
Speaker 1: then the sun grows up and he goes to school
21:51
Speaker 1: and then he becomes the funeral director or the mortician,
21:55
Speaker 1: and the shit is generational and stays in families. That's
21:58
Speaker 1: why when you look at a lot of funeral homes,
22:01
Speaker 1: it's like William's family funeral home or you know, fill
22:09
Speaker 1: in the blank family funeral home. And it might be
22:16
Speaker 1: by design that there are not a lot of outsiders
22:20
Speaker 1: welcomed into family run funeral homes. And I actually looked
22:28
Speaker 1: into what it would be for me to get a
22:32
Speaker 1: funeral director's license with schooling you'd have to go through,
22:36
Speaker 1: what training you'd have to have, and I was like, hmm,
22:40
Speaker 1: I'm not about that action because it said even after
22:44
Speaker 1: you go through all that becoming a funeral director and
22:47
Speaker 1: taking all the training and the embalming and all the
22:51
Speaker 1: the likelihood of you finding an open position is slim
22:54
Speaker 1: to none.
22:56
Speaker 2: That's what it said.
22:57
Speaker 1: Because a lot of funeral homes don't really welcome in outsiders.
23:03
Speaker 1: It's like family business. And if you look at a
23:07
Speaker 1: lot of churches, it's also there are some that are
23:11
Speaker 1: grassroots that just anybody can become a member and start
23:16
Speaker 1: fucking They got t shirts and shit. But if you
23:20
Speaker 1: look at the big weird churches like the Cathedral, ass bitches,
23:26
Speaker 1: a lot of those are family. And I'm not talking
23:30
Speaker 1: about Catholics, because you know that's they got their whole
23:34
Speaker 1: altar boys situation and they love outsiders coming in because anyways,
23:40
Speaker 1: I'm talking about these churches you pass, the First Church
23:44
Speaker 1: of the Christian Scientist Jesus and the First Church of
23:49
Speaker 1: the Nazareni Savior and whatever. A lot of the times
23:55
Speaker 1: it's families that have for generations like could they grow
24:00
Speaker 1: up and then they take over and then they get
24:03
Speaker 1: old and fucking die and then they're and so you
24:06
Speaker 1: gotta think to yourself, it has to be extremely easy
24:11
Speaker 1: for these rituals to take place. And because these families
24:14
Speaker 1: know about each other and for generations have worked with
24:17
Speaker 1: each other. So you hear about stuff and you're like, well, wow, wow,
24:21
Speaker 1: fucking how are they getting away with Like they just
24:24
Speaker 1: go to church, random churches and they got the stuff,
24:28
Speaker 1: funeral homes and all they know each other. There's connections there, okay.
24:34
Speaker 1: And I know bt K buying torture kill Dennis Rader
24:39
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck his name was, he was like a
24:42
Speaker 1: deacon or something in the church. I mean, they look
24:45
Speaker 1: sometimes for these psychos to be part of this stuff,
24:51
Speaker 1: and it's a club. They all know each other. They
24:55
Speaker 1: go to out back steakhouse together and you think they're
24:59
Speaker 1: normal and you see him and you're.
25:02
Speaker 2: Like, oh, Pastor Tom and his.
25:05
Speaker 1: Family they're at Ruby Tuesday and they're eating croutons together. Listen,
25:16
Speaker 1: I don't care if Pastor Tom takes his family out
25:19
Speaker 1: to Ruby Tuesday and eats croutons together, they enjoy a
25:23
Speaker 1: little salad bar action.
25:24
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck.
25:26
Speaker 1: These people look normal and then you find out it's
25:32
Speaker 1: anything but behind the scenes. But before we get into
25:39
Speaker 1: our topic today, it's an SA race survivor.
25:41
Speaker 4: I know.
25:42
Speaker 1: I said I'd take a break, but I can't. This
25:45
Speaker 1: stuff is fascinating to me. I don't know, you know
25:49
Speaker 1: not all of you said it, but maybe some of
25:52
Speaker 1: you are getting tired of it. But I just am
25:54
Speaker 1: not tired of it. It's just some of these stories
25:57
Speaker 1: boggle my mind and fill in a lot of blanks
26:02
Speaker 1: for me. But before we get right to the biscuit
26:05
Speaker 1: and gravy, maybe I should. Maybe That's what I'll do
26:09
Speaker 1: for Mother's there. I've really been craving a good biscuit
26:12
Speaker 1: and gravy. I just take the time and make myself
26:17
Speaker 1: a biscuit and gravy. I could go to a restaurant,
26:20
Speaker 1: but I prefer homemade. Okay, we ain't doing McDonald's drive
26:25
Speaker 1: through biscuit and gravy up in this bitch we be
26:28
Speaker 1: getting out bags of bisquick over here. But without further ado,
26:34
Speaker 1: let's get to today's apothe carry cornter. Maybe there's something
26:40
Speaker 1: in here to deal with how bitchy I've been with
26:43
Speaker 1: this full moon coming on, it feels like my period's
26:46
Speaker 1: coming on too. What a deadly compination. Oh boy, let's
26:56
Speaker 1: see here, got any cramps, Got any tank cramps? That
27:02
Speaker 1: sounds horrible. That sounds like it would be very un
27:08
Speaker 1: comfortable right in the middle of your day, and you
27:12
Speaker 1: just get a tank cramp. Come on, how do you
27:15
Speaker 1: explain that to somebody? Got step aside for a second.
27:20
Speaker 1: My taint's cramped. All right, let's just go ooh, herbal
27:29
Speaker 1: self blessing wash. All right, let's see no dong or
27:35
Speaker 1: anything in this. This sounds pretty easy. A cleansing herbal
27:41
Speaker 1: wash to promote self love, clarity, and spiritual renewal. This
27:45
Speaker 1: might go good with the full moon that's coming on.
27:48
Speaker 1: This ritual wash is perfect for creating a sacred space,
27:53
Speaker 1: grounding your energy and fostering a deep connection to your
27:57
Speaker 1: inter self. I would reckon them in this for the taint,
28:01
Speaker 1: to be honest with you, because if you put it
28:04
Speaker 1: on the taint, you're definitely gonna get to know yourself.
28:08
Speaker 1: And that's that's like straight to the dome. I would
28:14
Speaker 1: say it's the equivalent putting herbal self blessing wash on
28:19
Speaker 1: your taint. And I will do this because I need
28:22
Speaker 1: some help. I got problems up in here. It says
28:25
Speaker 1: to put this in your bath water. If it's going
28:28
Speaker 1: in your bathwater, it's definitely on the taint, So taint approve.
28:33
Speaker 1: Half cup dried lavender flowers, half cup dried rose petals,
28:39
Speaker 1: half cup sorry, fourth cup dried can do La kl
28:46
Speaker 1: and Dola flowers, a fourth a cup of epsom salts,
28:50
Speaker 1: one table spoon rose water and a few drops of
28:55
Speaker 1: rose sandal wood and frankinsense. Swore the herbs in the
29:02
Speaker 1: water or use it in massage oil to infuse and
29:07
Speaker 1: cleanse your spirit. All right, Well, that's great to know,
29:15
Speaker 1: and that's going to do it for today's apothe carry corner.
29:23
Speaker 1: So I found a little video for us, and there
29:28
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be an interviewer speaking, although I do
29:34
Speaker 1: believe there is one, and they've just edited themselves out
29:37
Speaker 1: to where it's only her answers in succession, which thank
29:42
Speaker 1: you because some of these and I hate to shit
29:46
Speaker 1: on fellow podcasters, but it's like, be quiet, shut up.
29:52
Speaker 2: And so.
29:53
Speaker 1: And it's like if I hear Tony Merkle tell the
29:58
Speaker 1: fucking dog man story one, it's like, Tony, we know.
30:02
Speaker 1: And if anybody has listened to your show at all,
30:04
Speaker 1: they fucking know, and they have heard this shit. We know.
30:10
Speaker 1: It's almost like, if he has a mixer or a soundboard,
30:14
Speaker 1: he should just record himself saying that story and put
30:17
Speaker 1: it on there so when it comes time to say
30:19
Speaker 1: he can just press the button and he's got it
30:22
Speaker 1: ready to go. Just a little short snippet of him saying,
30:24
Speaker 1: the dog mans, so let it go, let it go.
30:29
Speaker 1: We don't want dog manmo. So I just don't be
30:35
Speaker 1: liking some people's interview styles. But that's okay, because today
30:40
Speaker 1: it is a succession of answers from a woman. Let
30:44
Speaker 1: me pull this bitch up. I've done forgot her name.
30:49
Speaker 1: She's old and this stuff happened to her back in
30:55
Speaker 1: the day. You know this ain't no spring chicken we're
30:59
Speaker 1: gonna be listening to today. She looked like she's in
31:02
Speaker 1: her sixties or seventies, and obviously this occurred some time ago.
31:08
Speaker 2: All right.
31:09
Speaker 1: Her name is Mary Knight. I don't know if that's
31:12
Speaker 1: a pseudonym. Her last name is spelled like kay n Ight.
31:19
Speaker 1: Sounds like it could be. And the title of the
31:23
Speaker 1: video was her family made her participate in their scary
31:28
Speaker 1: rituals Mary Knight's story.
31:33
Speaker 2: So I'm just.
31:34
Speaker 1: Gonna it's a little disjointed because she just starts saying stuff,
31:39
Speaker 1: but it's it's really cool. I just gave you that
31:42
Speaker 1: little intro, so you know what the fuck we were getting
31:44
Speaker 1: ourselves into. And I in my opinion thinks she's almost
31:49
Speaker 1: talked herself out of thinking she went through what she
31:54
Speaker 1: went through like some really scary stuff, because she'll be like, well,
31:57
Speaker 1: I mean, I thought I was stabbing babies and the coorate,
32:02
Speaker 1: but it could have just been like a doll or something.
32:06
Speaker 1: And they told me I was drinking baby's blood, but
32:10
Speaker 1: it could have just been mountain dew code red or something.
32:16
Speaker 1: And they told me I ate a chunk on my
32:19
Speaker 1: sister's thigh, but it could have just been a little greasy,
32:24
Speaker 1: jerky bite. Like Now, bitch, you've been through some stuff,
32:29
Speaker 1: and it's okay that it was scary and weird and
32:33
Speaker 1: terrifying and horrific. It's okay to admit that. But I
32:38
Speaker 1: think she's got herself convinced that it didn't even never happen.
32:42
Speaker 1: But let me shut up and let's get right to
32:46
Speaker 1: the biscuit and the gravy. Hang on just a moment,
32:49
Speaker 1: and here we go.
32:53
Speaker 3: My name is Mary Knight. I'm a survivor of ritualistic
32:57
Speaker 3: child abuse, child sex traffic incests, and other extreme forms
33:02
Speaker 3: of child abuse. I did have a rendu's childhood, which
33:05
Speaker 3: included I was used in tel pornography I was also
33:09
Speaker 3: sex trafficked by being taken to motel rooms of men,
33:14
Speaker 3: by being sold to in my front yard of my
33:19
Speaker 3: childhood home, close to my swing set, I actually saw
33:23
Speaker 3: men hand money to my mother. It was a group
33:25
Speaker 3: of men, and I was sexually assaulted. This happened throughout
33:28
Speaker 3: my childhood, including my teenage years. I remember being brought
33:32
Speaker 3: to hotel rooms of men as a teenager.
33:35
Speaker 4: Some of my.
33:36
Speaker 3: Abuse could be considered satanic ritual abuse. I know that's
33:40
Speaker 3: a controversial term. My definition of satanic ritual abuse is
33:45
Speaker 3: that it is extreme abuse, physical and sexual, and that
33:49
Speaker 3: it involves multiple perpetrators and wore.
33:53
Speaker 4: Multiple child victims, which mine did. My earliest memory is of.
33:58
Speaker 3: Being sexually abused abused by my father. I was also
34:02
Speaker 3: sexually abused by my mother. I was sexually abused by
34:06
Speaker 3: other family members, grandparents, and one thing that I would
34:11
Speaker 3: consider satanic ritual abuses, I was put in a coffin.
34:14
Speaker 3: I was put in a coffin with my sister's body.
34:17
Speaker 3: She died when she was eleven and I was nine.
34:21
Speaker 3: What I remember about it is that even though her
34:25
Speaker 3: body had been mutilated and I'd had to watch and
34:29
Speaker 3: participate in that which I also would consider satanic abuse.
34:32
Speaker 3: When I was put in the coffin with her body,
34:36
Speaker 3: I was glad to get to be close to her.
34:39
Speaker 3: I knew, you know, I wouldn't. It was the last
34:42
Speaker 3: time I could be close to her, and I remember
34:45
Speaker 3: touching her hair. And one reason I know it's true
34:49
Speaker 3: is if I were writing a story, if I were
34:51
Speaker 3: making up a story about a child being put in
34:53
Speaker 3: a coffin, I would never think that the child would
34:56
Speaker 3: be happy to be close to the corpse. But I
35:00
Speaker 3: didn't consider it a corpse. I considered it my sister's body,
35:03
Speaker 3: and I like to get to touch her hair one
35:06
Speaker 3: last time. My parents led a complete double life, and
35:10
Speaker 3: they went to church three times a week. I was
35:14
Speaker 3: well dressed at school. There were no bruises where they
35:20
Speaker 3: would have been detected. I didn't remember my abuse except
35:23
Speaker 3: for all it was going on, so I couldn't report
35:25
Speaker 3: it to anyone because I when it was going on,
35:28
Speaker 3: I was around abusers, and I didn't remember it otherwise,
35:31
Speaker 3: even as a child. Some people with recovered memories remembered
35:34
Speaker 3: their abuse up to a certain age. No mine was
35:37
Speaker 3: just while I was being abused. I remembered it otherwise
35:41
Speaker 3: I wasn't aware of it. That enabled me to make
35:43
Speaker 3: good grades, because you know, I didn't think about my
35:46
Speaker 3: abuse when I was at school. I was always afraid
35:49
Speaker 3: of my parents, and I didn't know whine, but I
35:52
Speaker 3: couldn't ever say I was afraid of my parents. So
35:55
Speaker 3: my sister died of cancer. She died of brain cancer.
35:59
Speaker 3: I know she died of the illness because I saw
36:03
Speaker 3: her in the hospital. My parents did not murder my sister.
36:07
Speaker 3: I know for sure my parents didn't murder my sister.
36:10
Speaker 3: What happened after she died, I think is that the
36:14
Speaker 3: funeral home picked up her body, which is usual pick
36:17
Speaker 3: up the body from the hospital. But what's unusual is
36:20
Speaker 3: they brought it to my childhood church and in the
36:25
Speaker 3: middle of the night or in the very early hours
36:28
Speaker 3: of the morning I was. I was brought to my
36:32
Speaker 3: childhood church and outside, and that's where my sister's body
36:37
Speaker 3: was mutilated with a knife. The knife was placed in
36:40
Speaker 3: my hand, and abusers do that to make the child
36:44
Speaker 3: feel responsible for the abuse.
36:47
Speaker 4: That was a really hard memory for.
36:48
Speaker 3: Me because I couldn't imagine how did anyone get me
36:52
Speaker 3: to stab my sister with a knife, even though she
36:55
Speaker 3: was deceased, but when I finally remembered it, it was
36:58
Speaker 3: actually very simple. My father said do it, and I
37:01
Speaker 3: did it. I knew that he had to do what
37:04
Speaker 3: my father said, and that really explains a lot of
37:08
Speaker 3: what they were able to do to me throughout my life.
37:12
Speaker 3: Was I was told to do it, and I did.
37:16
Speaker 3: I don't know if the funeral home owner was in
37:20
Speaker 3: on it, but the employee definitely was. After the instant
37:25
Speaker 3: and before the funeral I was made to have with
37:28
Speaker 3: the employee from the funeral home. I've tried to find
37:32
Speaker 3: out like I can. I found out who the owner
37:35
Speaker 3: of the funeral home is, and I wasn't able to
37:37
Speaker 3: talk to him, even though the receptionist said she'd passed
37:40
Speaker 3: a message alone. He's now retired. But I don't know
37:44
Speaker 3: if he was in on it anyway, because on the
37:47
Speaker 3: I have research to some so the death certificate has
37:50
Speaker 3: the person's name who was there at the time the
37:54
Speaker 3: funeral was officiated, but that could be a completely different
37:58
Speaker 3: person than the person who handle the body prior to
38:02
Speaker 3: it being put in the coffin, so it was a
38:05
Speaker 3: close casket funeral. I will say after that happened, one
38:08
Speaker 3: thing I know that happened more often was my father
38:12
Speaker 3: would come would have sex with me at night.
38:15
Speaker 4: Another horrible memory though.
38:17
Speaker 3: Is because my sister and I were in the same room,
38:20
Speaker 3: is before she died, my father going to my sister's bad.
38:24
Speaker 4: I mean, both are just horrible.
38:25
Speaker 3: So one of the ways I was abused, and this
38:28
Speaker 3: is common in Satanic ritual abeus.
38:30
Speaker 1: Was see, this is how fucked up this shit is.
38:34
Speaker 1: Can you imagine sitting there with little brain cancer suffering
38:39
Speaker 1: like that and your daddy coming in and raping on
38:43
Speaker 1: you with your little brain cancer.
38:44
Speaker 2: I just can't.
38:45
Speaker 1: My stomach is fucking sick, you guys.
38:48
Speaker 2: I just had to say that.
38:49
Speaker 3: By me being made to witness other children being abused.
38:53
Speaker 3: And one of the incidences that is without question satanic
38:59
Speaker 3: ritual abuse is I was told to bow down to Satan.
39:03
Speaker 3: Now I didn't want to do that, but I was
39:07
Speaker 3: convinced that if I didn't do it, there was a
39:10
Speaker 3: baby there who would be killed. So I did it,
39:13
Speaker 3: and I remember regaining that memory. I remember God just
39:18
Speaker 3: saying to me, you didn't do anything wrong, Mary, You
39:21
Speaker 3: did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong, And I know
39:24
Speaker 3: I didn't do anything wrong. And as an adult, if
39:28
Speaker 3: I were in a situation where a child's life was threatened,
39:32
Speaker 3: I would do absolutely anything to avoid the child being harmed.
39:36
Speaker 3: One thing that commonly happens with Satanic ritual abuse is
39:39
Speaker 3: that children are put in coffins. And what I know
39:45
Speaker 3: I'd say this about Satanic ritual abuse is we know
39:48
Speaker 3: what happens because there's so many survivors like myself, But
39:52
Speaker 3: when we start trying to speak out.
39:55
Speaker 4: Were made to appear crazy.
39:57
Speaker 3: And so most people are not willing to speak out
40:00
Speaker 3: about it. I know people who come to me and
40:03
Speaker 3: tell me disclosed to me who I'm in, like I'm in,
40:07
Speaker 3: I'm on Facebook with them. They don't disclose to anyone else.
40:10
Speaker 4: One was a minister.
40:12
Speaker 3: She said she didn't think her church could handle it,
40:14
Speaker 3: and she did go public about insist and she did
40:17
Speaker 3: go public about being a survivor of child sex trafficking.
40:20
Speaker 3: But she has not gone public about being a survivor
40:23
Speaker 3: of Satanic ritual abuse. And so did anyone question that
40:28
Speaker 3: with my parents? Well, no, but there were people who
40:31
Speaker 3: knew about it. There were other people at my childhood
40:34
Speaker 3: church who knew about it. There were other people and
40:37
Speaker 3: my childhood church who did similar things. For example, I
40:40
Speaker 3: was sexually abused by multiple adults on church property.
40:45
Speaker 4: Because there were other church.
40:47
Speaker 3: Leaders, including my father, my parents were highly respected at church. Now,
40:51
Speaker 3: not everyone at the church abused children, but my parents
40:55
Speaker 3: weren't the only ones, so it was easy to hide.
40:57
Speaker 3: I don't know that there were multiple employees at the
41:00
Speaker 3: funeral home who were in on it, but I know
41:03
Speaker 3: there was one employee. And it just stands to reason
41:07
Speaker 3: that the owner of a funeral home has to have
41:10
Speaker 3: employees that can't be available twenty four hours a day.
41:13
Speaker 3: No person could do that. But I've heard from other
41:17
Speaker 3: survivors of satanic ritual abuse things that happened inside funeral homes.
41:22
Speaker 3: And you know, after the incident I told about, I
41:25
Speaker 3: was taken to the funeral home and more things happened
41:29
Speaker 3: to me there, including communion was desecrated. I was told
41:33
Speaker 3: I needed to eat a part of my sister's body
41:37
Speaker 3: and drink her blood.
41:39
Speaker 4: I know I was.
41:41
Speaker 3: I was tricked because not too many years ago I
41:46
Speaker 3: regained a more full memory of that, and it was
41:49
Speaker 3: a communion way for place in my mouth. It took
41:53
Speaker 3: me a long time to remember the taste of it,
41:55
Speaker 3: but it definitely wasn't my sister's body. It was the
41:58
Speaker 3: kind of communion way for that is commonly used by
42:02
Speaker 3: Episcopal Church and Methodist Church, and.
42:06
Speaker 4: Not the kind of communion. It's not what we used
42:09
Speaker 4: at my childhood church.
42:11
Speaker 3: So I think they were trying to mess with me
42:13
Speaker 3: to horror, they would make it to where it was
42:15
Speaker 3: difficult for me to be a member of any church.
42:19
Speaker 4: But they didn't do it. I still like taking communion.
42:23
Speaker 1: It's okay, Mary, if you ate a sliver of your
42:27
Speaker 1: sister's christy ass diye meat, Okay. I know. Maybe they
42:33
Speaker 1: did just give a communion wafer christ checks, as I
42:38
Speaker 1: like to call it, looks like a little cereal. They
42:42
Speaker 1: gave her a little christ nil a wafer. I don't know,
42:46
Speaker 1: but I know that they beat. If you listen to
42:49
Speaker 1: Fiona Barnett, they really do be making kids eat, other
42:53
Speaker 1: kids stab other kids do stuff like this. So maybe
42:57
Speaker 1: they did just give her a little nil a wafer.
43:00
Speaker 1: Well christ Check, But nine times out of ten she
43:04
Speaker 1: probably a phase of her sister's krusty little thigh.
43:08
Speaker 2: But back to the story, it's.
43:10
Speaker 3: A beautiful Christian ceremony. And my views about Christianity have
43:16
Speaker 3: changed and become more liberal, but I still really treasurer
43:20
Speaker 3: taking communion. No one besides me, I mean, I have
43:24
Speaker 3: not heard anyone else say my sister's body was mutilated.
43:28
Speaker 3: I do have siblings. They inherited my parents' estate, which
43:34
Speaker 3: was a multimillion dollar estate. I was disinherited. I don't
43:39
Speaker 3: want to have my sister's body at zoom. She's still
43:42
Speaker 3: my sister. I don't want to do that. If I
43:45
Speaker 3: did try to do it, I don't think i'd be
43:47
Speaker 3: able to because, like I say, a brother of mine
43:50
Speaker 3: is executor of this state. So I don't think I
43:52
Speaker 3: could even if I tried. But the other thing I
43:56
Speaker 3: thought of is how much trickery is you? Because what
44:00
Speaker 3: happened at the church, when I know it was my
44:02
Speaker 3: sister's body with soft tissue damage, you wouldn't You couldn't
44:06
Speaker 3: tell that from exuming the body. And then what happened
44:09
Speaker 3: at the funeral home when they said they crushed her
44:12
Speaker 3: skull with a hammer.
44:14
Speaker 4: I mean was total mutilation.
44:17
Speaker 3: But I don't know what was my sister's body.
44:20
Speaker 4: I mean, if my husband was murdered.
44:22
Speaker 3: Today and they started doing all this torture of me
44:26
Speaker 3: and saying that this was my husband's skull that they
44:30
Speaker 3: were crushing with. I don't know that I think they
44:33
Speaker 3: could trick me today. You know, I'm sixty seven years old.
44:37
Speaker 3: I think they could trick me today because I would
44:39
Speaker 3: be in such an emotional state of of what was
44:45
Speaker 3: happening to my husband's body that I think they could
44:48
Speaker 3: still trick me. So was it really her body or
44:52
Speaker 3: was it someone else's body? And this is what Satanic
44:56
Speaker 3: which will abuse survivors do. I mean sometimes they use
44:59
Speaker 3: an a the mole's body and say it's a person's body.
45:02
Speaker 4: And this is another.
45:04
Speaker 3: Incident I do want to talk about because I would
45:07
Speaker 3: say this is one of the ones that I would
45:09
Speaker 3: say with Satanic ritual or could be considered Satanic ritual.
45:13
Speaker 3: I do not know that my parents were worshiping Satan.
45:16
Speaker 3: I absolutely don't know that. They never said they worshiped Satan.
45:19
Speaker 3: They said they were Christians and they went to church
45:21
Speaker 3: three times a week. But what they did was they
45:24
Speaker 3: said that they were using fetuses, and you know which
45:28
Speaker 3: I would have considered babies. I was four or five,
45:32
Speaker 3: and I had to stand there while they sacrificed them
45:35
Speaker 3: on this like an altar, and they were at the
45:39
Speaker 3: top of the hill. I was at the bottom of
45:41
Speaker 3: the hill. But I don't know that those were human.
45:44
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't even know. How hard is it
45:47
Speaker 3: to trick a four or five year old and I
45:50
Speaker 3: was standing some distance away. What I remember clearly is
45:54
Speaker 3: that my feet hurt.
45:56
Speaker 4: I remember that I was wearing.
45:57
Speaker 3: Satellites borts, which are hard leather shoes. That's the kind
46:01
Speaker 3: of shoes kids wore at that age. And I remember
46:05
Speaker 3: my feet hurting so bad that I would try to
46:07
Speaker 3: stand different and then I would try to it would
46:10
Speaker 3: stand on the side of my shoe and different things
46:12
Speaker 3: because it was so hard to stand for so long.
46:15
Speaker 3: Now how long was I standing there, I don't know.
46:18
Speaker 3: I was four or five years old. It could have
46:21
Speaker 3: been it could have been fifteen minutes. That could seem
46:25
Speaker 3: like a long time. They just used trickery so much
46:28
Speaker 3: and then people report this happened to me.
46:32
Speaker 4: And they're not believed.
46:35
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, that's why they trick you. I know I
46:39
Speaker 3: was raped once by someone wearing a police uniform. I
46:42
Speaker 3: really don't think it was a police officer, but that
46:46
Speaker 3: got me afraid of the police, and I didn't remember
46:49
Speaker 3: that until well, I remembered. I started remembering abuse at
46:54
Speaker 3: age thirty seven. But yeah, that's when I remembered. And
46:57
Speaker 3: I really I don't think I have been sexually assaulted
47:01
Speaker 3: ever by a police officer.
47:03
Speaker 2: And you want to know why, I know this bitch
47:06
Speaker 2: is legit.
47:07
Speaker 1: This woman, excuse me, she's convinced herself it didn't happen.
47:12
Speaker 1: It was so horrible, so horrific, so horrendous. She's convinced
47:20
Speaker 1: herself it didn't happen. That's how I know she's legit.
47:24
Speaker 1: Not like some of these looney tunes that come out
47:26
Speaker 1: and say about the Blue Avials and the pleadeals and
47:29
Speaker 1: the going to Disney in their mind and stuff, which
47:33
Speaker 1: some of that could be true.
47:36
Speaker 2: She's convinced her self it didn't happen the way it did.
47:41
Speaker 2: That's how I know it really did.
47:44
Speaker 3: Anyways, I'm yeah, I'm now able to be less afraid,
47:49
Speaker 3: But I mean i'd be afraid if I saw a
47:50
Speaker 3: police officer and I was going below the speed limit,
47:54
Speaker 3: I would still be afraid, and I was slow down,
47:57
Speaker 3: so it wasn't a rational thing. My worst memory is
48:02
Speaker 3: the one of my sister's body being mutilated. But if
48:05
Speaker 3: I were going to tell you some of my other memories,
48:08
Speaker 3: you would be surprised. They weren't my worst memories. So
48:11
Speaker 3: before that happened to me, One thing that happened, and
48:15
Speaker 3: I tell about it in my memoir. At age six,
48:18
Speaker 3: men came to my house, to my childhood home, and
48:23
Speaker 3: my father.
48:24
Speaker 4: Took eight millimeter footage of it. My mother took the
48:27
Speaker 4: money from the men.
48:28
Speaker 3: I remember my mom being on the porch and being
48:31
Speaker 3: hand cash by each of the men, and then I
48:34
Speaker 3: was a rope was put around my neck and the
48:37
Speaker 3: other end of the rope was tied to a tree.
48:41
Speaker 3: My sister and I had witnessed our kittens being killed
48:45
Speaker 3: by hanging, so I knew what happened if they dropped me,
48:49
Speaker 3: and each man abused me and then would hand me
48:52
Speaker 3: to the next man. And I remember, I mean just
48:57
Speaker 3: I was really badly hurt, and I I remember one
49:01
Speaker 3: of the men telling my dad, you went too far.
49:04
Speaker 3: She's gonna die. And I heard that and I hoped
49:08
Speaker 3: I would die. I mean, it was but I looked
49:11
Speaker 3: over to my mother for comfort, and she just looked
49:14
Speaker 3: at me like I was an insect. I mean, she
49:16
Speaker 3: just looked at me like I was nothing. And that's
49:19
Speaker 3: when I that is when I wanted to die wasn't
49:22
Speaker 3: after the physical abuse. It was that emotional abuse that
49:25
Speaker 3: my mother just looked at me like I was nothing.
49:29
Speaker 4: But that's when I.
49:30
Speaker 3: Looked up and I saw what I like to believe
49:33
Speaker 3: was God. Some people would say it was a near
49:36
Speaker 3: death experience, and it could have been. I was really
49:38
Speaker 3: badly hurt, and you know, some people would say it
49:42
Speaker 3: was just the sun moving between the clouds or whatever.
49:46
Speaker 3: But I felt a connection with God and that connection
49:50
Speaker 3: has helped me through my life. So yeah, so that
49:53
Speaker 3: inctant had happened. And then my mother brought me in
49:57
Speaker 3: after I was so badly hurt by the group of.
49:59
Speaker 1: Men, and.
50:01
Speaker 3: She bathed me, she put she put me in bed
50:05
Speaker 3: with clean sheets on it, and you know, I thought
50:08
Speaker 3: things were better, and then she sexually abused me.
50:11
Speaker 4: I mean, you know.
50:12
Speaker 3: It was that was obviously a long and horrible abuse
50:18
Speaker 3: that included emotional, physical, and sexual and I was six.
50:24
Speaker 3: I will never know how often I was abused in rituals.
50:29
Speaker 3: I will never know how often I was abused in rituals.
50:32
Speaker 3: I will never know how often the incest happened, because
50:36
Speaker 3: thankfully I don't have all my memories. I don't ever
50:40
Speaker 3: want to remember everything. It's just too hard. And I
50:45
Speaker 3: believe my memories come from God and they come to
50:48
Speaker 3: me as needed. I have memories when it would be
50:52
Speaker 3: helpful to me in my healing, or when it would
50:55
Speaker 3: be helpful to another person in their healing.
50:58
Speaker 4: Recovery. Memories is really hard.
51:01
Speaker 3: I mean, it's emotional, it's really tough. I had hypnosis,
51:06
Speaker 3: which but it's not the kind of hypnosis like you
51:09
Speaker 3: see on TV. The hypnotist. The psychologists who hypnotize me
51:14
Speaker 3: just got me in a relaxed date. I didn't even
51:17
Speaker 3: realize I was hypnotized because I knew I could get
51:20
Speaker 3: out of it at any time. I knew I could
51:22
Speaker 3: stop any moment I wanted to. My ex husband came
51:26
Speaker 3: to my first session of hypnosis because we just want
51:29
Speaker 3: to make sure she wasn't telling me what to believe.
51:32
Speaker 3: But she wasn't, and so then after that, rather than
51:36
Speaker 3: him take time off work, it was just better for
51:40
Speaker 3: me to just bring a tape recorder.
51:42
Speaker 4: So that's why I have the tapes.
51:43
Speaker 3: I just wanted, you know, just to know and be
51:46
Speaker 3: able to prove that she didn't lead ask leading questions,
51:50
Speaker 3: and she absolutely did not ask leading questions. I've transcribed
51:54
Speaker 3: those tapes.
51:55
Speaker 4: There is more known about.
51:58
Speaker 3: Ritualistic abuse, and that's because people there's agencies now offering
52:06
Speaker 3: services to child sex trafficking survivors. I didn't know I
52:11
Speaker 3: was a child sex trafficking survivor. I knew my father
52:14
Speaker 3: took pornography of me, but I didn't know that counted
52:17
Speaker 3: as child sex trafficking because he was my father. I
52:21
Speaker 3: didn't learn that I was a survivor of child sex
52:24
Speaker 3: trafficking until after, until I was well, until after I
52:28
Speaker 3: had done all the filming for my am I crazy
52:31
Speaker 3: my journey to determine if my memories are true, and
52:34
Speaker 3: I was looking for a fiscal sponsor. Someone suggested a
52:38
Speaker 3: sex trafficking organization and I'm like.
52:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm not a survivor.
52:42
Speaker 3: And I know so many other survivors of child sex
52:46
Speaker 3: trafficking who did not realize, and adults who were trafficked,
52:51
Speaker 3: like by their boyfriend, who didn't realize it was trafficking.
52:54
Speaker 3: So now that that's being recognized, there is a percentage
53:01
Speaker 3: of child sex trafficking survivors who are also survivors of
53:05
Speaker 3: ritualistic abuse. I personally think every survivor of ritualistic abuse
53:10
Speaker 3: I have ever talked to is most likely a survivor
53:13
Speaker 3: of child sex trafficking.
53:16
Speaker 4: You know, they were sold, the.
53:18
Speaker 3: Money probably exchanged hands or something of value, and that
53:21
Speaker 3: something of value may have been access to other you know,
53:24
Speaker 3: child victims. I mean, my parents would trade with other
53:27
Speaker 3: people and things like that. So that still child sex
53:31
Speaker 3: trafficking is whenever anything of value is exchanged for the
53:37
Speaker 3: child's innocence.
53:38
Speaker 4: So I was.
53:40
Speaker 3: Contacted by a sex trafficking organization and they said when
53:45
Speaker 3: they knew, they know I'm a survivor, and they know
53:46
Speaker 3: I am willing to I'm also a professional. I'm a
53:50
Speaker 3: licensed independent clinical social worker.
53:53
Speaker 4: I can do training.
53:54
Speaker 3: So they asked me to do training because they are
53:56
Speaker 3: getting so many of their clients report ritualistic abuse. I mean,
54:03
Speaker 3: it's being so common. And one thing they wanted to
54:08
Speaker 3: know a really good agency. One thing they want to
54:10
Speaker 3: know is should we put this on our initial intake form?
54:14
Speaker 3: And I said, I don't think so, because they're not
54:17
Speaker 3: going to tell you right away anyway. People aren't going
54:20
Speaker 3: to say that until they know that they'll be believed.
54:24
Speaker 3: We're so you know, in the media, in so many ways,
54:28
Speaker 3: we're disbelieved, and so I think it's good that you
54:33
Speaker 3: know they come in as Chile sex trafficking survivors, and
54:36
Speaker 3: then they get services, and then they're willing to disclose.
54:40
Speaker 3: So I really want to be a voice about the
54:43
Speaker 3: Satanic ritual abuse. Just publish my memoir in November.
54:48
Speaker 4: My Life Now.
54:49
Speaker 3: Essays by a Chile sex trafficking survivor. I'm really proud
54:52
Speaker 3: of it. I worked on it for years. The longest
54:56
Speaker 3: essay is how I healed. People asked me like, how
54:59
Speaker 3: did you heal? I I used to have bidromyalgia, I
55:01
Speaker 3: used to be basically disabled with chronic pain, and I'm
55:06
Speaker 3: healthy now.
55:07
Speaker 4: So I wrote out all so.
55:10
Speaker 3: Many different suggestions. I wrote out so many things, very
55:14
Speaker 3: specific things that helped me heal.
55:20
Speaker 1: And so that was Mary Knight's test Simonti and the
55:26
Speaker 1: reason why slrray survivors this is why I think it's
55:29
Speaker 1: important to sift through these interviews.
55:33
Speaker 2: The reason why they are.
55:34
Speaker 1: So disbelieved is because they have skated out some absolute
55:39
Speaker 1: lunatics mixed in with some people who have actually suffered,
55:44
Speaker 1: and it's hard to sift the true stories from the unbelievable, bizarre,
55:51
Speaker 1: most likely faked stories. Not that the ones that are
55:56
Speaker 1: actors are necessarily lying. I think a lot of this
56:00
Speaker 1: if they say, could be based in truth, but we
56:02
Speaker 1: know that they mix this shit up, so it confuses us,
56:08
Speaker 1: and it also makes us not believe that people like Mary,
56:11
Speaker 1: who probably really did go through some horrific shit. But anyways,
56:18
Speaker 1: what did you think? Your thoughts, feelings, pensions? I got
56:23
Speaker 1: a shout out that I want to talk about on
56:25
Speaker 1: the next episode. Hopefully I don't forget, but yeah, if
56:30
Speaker 1: you're getting this before Mother's Day, After Mother's Day, Happy
56:35
Speaker 1: Mothers Day, Thanks for listening, thanks for being born, thanks
56:40
Speaker 1: for being here, thanks for being awesome mothers, and I
56:46
Speaker 1: love you. Don't eat a piece of your sister's crusty
56:52
Speaker 1: brain cancer riddled SRA abuse corpse doesn't sound like a
56:59
Speaker 1: good time time. Do use the apothecary corner suggestion if
57:06
Speaker 1: you feel like you are about to rage fast, take
57:10
Speaker 1: care of yourselves and I will catch you on the
57:14
Speaker 1: next one.
57:51
Speaker 3: Try a state.
58:00
Speaker 4: Presents are up the zer