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Tamar Braxton Gives The Divorce Advice You Need To Hear · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:18
  Speaker 1: So I do Part two.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentor Joan Bassis here with you, and
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: today I am so honored to be speaking to my
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: guest and fellow Marylander, an incredible vocalist, actress, and TV
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: reality star who's also in her chapter two. She's got
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: a new movie called Stepfather coming out this week and
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to connect with her. So let's not
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: waste any more time. Welcome Tamar Raxton.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Hi.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I read, first of all, I just got to go
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: through the Maryland thing. I read that you grew up
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: here in Severn, Maryland.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I did, what do you mean here? That's where you
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: grew up this week?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm here right now. It's where I used to live.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes I did. I did.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I didn't know we had such a big start from
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: living right down the street.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Wow, when did you leave Maryland? How old are you?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old. I'd eighteen when I led.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: You went to high school here?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I did? I went to an old male and Archbishop Spalding.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Oh did you really? So my son went to Gonzaga,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: so you probably they probably played games against each other.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I love to hear that. Do you come
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: back here often or has your.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: My dad still lives in Baltimore and my brother still
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: lives there as well. My brother lives in glen Burney
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: and yeah, down the street, so yeah, come there quite often.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Actually good.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Well, maybe we'll run into each other one day. Now
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: that we know each other absolutely, we have a lot
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: to discuss, including your new movie. But we are on
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: a radio show called I Do Pop Part two and
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: it's a podcast all about relationships. So I would love
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: to talk to you about your kind of love journey
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: before we get into all the other juicy stuff that
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: we have to talk about. So is it okay if
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: I ask you a few questions about you got to
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: be who you are and where you are?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Okay? All right?
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: So here's this is a softball this first one, What
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: was your first example of love that you can remember
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: and like, what did it teach you?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Oh? Wow, that's such a very strong question. My first example,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I think my first true example was when I gave
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: birth to my son. I felt like that was the
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: love that I was searching for all of my life.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: The kind of love that doesn't have a color, a gender.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: It's a feeling of acceptance and kindness and warmth. And
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I think that's the first time that I ever felt
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: love when someone loves, when someone is there unconditionally and
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: without any questions. They just felt like they belonged, and
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: I felt like.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I belonged and loved you no matter what. I know.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I remember kind of the same feeling when
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: my son was born, and that like my like my
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: life was like whole, completely whole at that point, like
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: all the uses fit together finally.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no wrong, there was no right.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: It's just it's just pure, underdulterated, like pure love. Yeah,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I get that so much. I love that answer. I
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: thought you might talk about like a parent love, but boy,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: you're right, like that child love is so different and
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: so encompassing. So I love your answer. And you know,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: actually talking about families, I love the whole birth order
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: of conversation and about how it kind of shapes us
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: a little bit. And you were the youngest of a
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: pretty big family. Now I have four kids of my own,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: and I know how everybody in the family kind of
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: loves that youngest child in a little bit of a
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: different way. I wonder if you did you receive any
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: special kind of love growing up, because you were the
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: baby in such a big family.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You know, I think my sisters would say yes, yes,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I would say no, only because, you know, as the
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: youngest of majority of women and my family, you think
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: that I was the most different than everyone. I was loudest,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I was opinionated, and I think that was different from
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: my family. And so I think that as the youngest,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I was just always trying to find out where I belonged.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Although I knew that my family loved me and adored me,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: it was just that I was different, and I was
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: just always trying to figure out just where I fit.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So instead of being like enveloped, you felt like you
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: were a little bit more the outcast or like, yeah,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: just a little different than everybody else. You know, they say,
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: like some of the characteristics of the youngest I see
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: in you a lot, Like you're very care free, and
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: you're charismatic, and you're super outgoing, you're a little outspoken.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Like the things that you know that that baby or
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: the youngest in the family, those traits that they kind
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: of enveloped.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: One of the traits is also that they're risk tolerant.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Do you consider yourself to be kind of risk like
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: you're a little braver, a little more like daring.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Oh. Absolutely, I take risks every day. Yeah, I think
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: growing up seeing my sisters, I feel like I've watched
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: them be safe all the time, right, And for me,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I just always went for whatever I felt, you know,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: And it didn't matter how long it took, it didn't
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: matter if it was scary, it didn't it didn't matter.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I just I just went for what I believed. And
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I'm still like that today. I'm the first person to
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: speak about things and I don't care. Yeah, I feel something,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I just go for it. And I don't know. I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: think it has everything to do with watching people be careful,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: and I feel like watching them miss out on things
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and I didn't want to do that. Yeah.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Do you think it's gotten you a lot more opportunities
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: in life? By saying yes to everything or even things
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: that you were like a little nervous about you say
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: yes to.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Do I feel like it's got me more, I guess. So,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I guess so, yeah, because you know, I actually just
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: do what I feel is right, or do what I feel,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: you know, fits me at the moment. And so and
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I guess people see that as a strength, you know,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I just see that as who I am. Yeah. Yeah,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: but if it doesn't feel right, I'm not doing it,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: you're not doing it.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: So for a lot of us, that's like an evolution.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I've been like the I'm the first child in the family,
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: so I and I am like a risk adverse up
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: until I turned like entered my sixties, and now I
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: say yes to every sixty. I'm sixty three. Yeah, I
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: have four kids, I have three grandkids and two more
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: that are being born this week. So yeah, you better work.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I know they look amazing.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much for saying that. But I feel
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: like I never took any risk, and now that I
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: take risk, I wish I had done it at a
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: younger age like you. So like fortune favors of old,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: and I truly believe that now so here I am
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: like talking to you, something I would have been way
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: too shy to do. So I'm so happy to be here.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I'm not scared to do things
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: anymore exactly, But I do want to ask you. So
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: this is a podcast about love, and I know that
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: you have been like really successful finding love. A lot
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: of people never find one. You've found at least three
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: because you've been married. I think three times.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Is very working off for Oh you go, girl, I
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: hope you find it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Can you tell me a little bit about what you
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: have learned from some of these relationships and have they
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: made you change your life in any way?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I learned the most from my last relationship.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I think that I was looking for all the love
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: that I was supposed to have for myself in that situation. Yeah,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And when that situation ended, it forced me to face
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: everything about myself that I didn't like about myself and
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: start to love those things and accept myself for who
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: I was one hundred percent, because you know, I just
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: felt like I would always while I was just talking
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: about this earlier with one of the producers here, I
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: felt like I was always kind of dumbing myself down
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: in a relationship to make somebody else feel better about
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: who I am and what I do and why who
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I am just in a regular general life. And I
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: just think that this last situation taught me that, you know,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: if I don't accept myself for who I am with
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: all of my flaws, no one else is truly going
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: to accept that either. And I had to get comfortable
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: with that and I had to really truly accept that
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: about myself and really truly love that about me. And
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I don't have to dumb myself down anymore because I
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: love those things that make up everything that I am.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Now that's so true. They make you who you are.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: You should hide them from people. Can I ask a
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: personal question though, that it seems like you and JR.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I think ended your relationship pretty quickly after. I have
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: to ask because I wonder about this all the time
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: about people. I'm sorry you don't have to answer it,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: but I just have always wondered if people know before
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: they walk down the aisle that it's not right and
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: it's just too hard to stop it at that point,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: or did you still think that he was the person
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: and just kind of figured it out, like right after
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: you got married that maybe he wasn't oh.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent thought that he was the one one
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: hundred percent Okay, And you know, if I'm speaking, I
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: don't want to speak for JR. But first of all,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: we're friends. Yeah.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Good.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I just think that it just wasn't right for that time.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You know, I lost my sister. I was dealing with
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: a lot of grief. I didn't know how to handle that.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I was still figuring things out about myself personality wise,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: and it's just wasn't time. It wasn't time, don't I
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: don't feel like I still don't feel like he's the one.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I thought he was the one for that time, you
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: know what I mean?
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Has that been true for all of your relationships? Like
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: at that time they were exactly what you needed, absolutely,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and then when that need was over that it just
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: didn't work anymore. Yeah, okay, all right, So you're and
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: you're looking for your next one.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Hello, we're gonna get We're gonna do it till we
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: get it, right.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I love it about you. Yes, By the way, my
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: husband passed away. I went on a reality TV show.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I was a Golden bachelorette and I found love on
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: a reality TV show.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Just like you did.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, we haven't got engaged. We haven't got married. Ye,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: we're still engaged. So but I do want to ask
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: you a question. So you have probably gotten a lot
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: of advice from a lot of people, and maybe to
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: help some of our listeners out one day, what's the
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: best advice that someone gave you when you were going.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Through a divorce?
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Which the hold on now you can do one from
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: each divorce if you'd.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Like that kind of forgot about it.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: How about like, like advice that maybe you would give
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: somebody yourself, not something that someone else could.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: You going through a divorce.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, what is a great piece of advice that
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: you wish you had not?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: It won't always be like this, okay. You know, when
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: you're going through a divorce, you just feel like a
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: failure and a loser, you know, And it just won't
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: always be like that. You know, after a while, you'll
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: feel like you'll feel more empowered, and you'll feel grateful
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: about the time you spend together, and then you'll feel
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: grateful about who you are becoming because now you get
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: to reinvent yourself. Now you get to you know, do
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: the things that you you wish you would have done
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: in a relationship and be a better partner to the
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: next partner. Yeah, you know, so it won't always be
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: like that. You won't always be sad, you won't always
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: you know, feel empty, you won't always feel like a loser.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: And I think that's I think that's the best advice
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I can give to you today.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: So at the end of each one of your relationships,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: you felt empty, You felt like a loser, you felt
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: like a failure.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know, I didn't get married to get divorced,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: and especially with my son's father. With Vince, you know,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I thought that we would be together forever, you know,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I thought that we would you know, die together, and
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: it just you know, the end of our relationship was
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: before we both died.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: So I love that you still have what a lot
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: of people lose after, you know, maybe more than one relationship,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: that they don't feel like they can find love and
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: they kind of give up on it. What gives you
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: the strength to think that it can keep coming, it
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: can keep entering your life.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Well, because I believe that God is a god of
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: second chances, and he can keep forgiving and keep reloving
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: us and keep you know, accepting us. Then why does
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: that not work for the next person?
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I agree. I just think a lot of us get tired.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, you can get tired to be
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: by yourself.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I know that.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: So, you know, I feel like I am a good mate.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can be a great partner to
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: the person and I just have to meet that person.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: I love it, and people are doing that in nursing
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: homes these days.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: You know, I know I don't work out this full time.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm gonna be Hello.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: What kind of person are you hoping to attract now?
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, somebody who's sure of themselves, someone who is not
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: searching for anything other than a great partnership, a family
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: oriented person, someone who's already established in their lives. Someone
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: who's just looking for a partner. Yeah, a good partner.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: But how do you manifest that? How do you go
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: out and tell the world that's what you're looking for.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm telling the world. I tell the Holy Ghost,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: and that's it, all right. And I'm very consistent about it,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: and very serious about it, and very intentional about it.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: And you keep sending your people, so it seems to
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: be working. I have a question. What do you think
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: is in parative to make a long standing relationship work
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: today that maybe you didn't think was important when you
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: were with some of your other ones.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Oh. Communication, You gotta have hard conversations. Yeah, the hard
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: conversations are just as important as the easier ones. Okay,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: you know, community, communicating how you feel, what you want,
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the adversities that happen in a relationship. My whole thing
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: is this now, Like, I am not arguing longer than
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: twenty four hours. If there's an issue, you don't get
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: through this today because I'm not bringing this into my tomorrow.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: No for that, you know. So we're going to communicate.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: You gonna tell me how you feel, and I want
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: to take you how I feel, and we're gonna diad
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: this and move on. Okay.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: They always say don't go to bed, you know, angry,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: and it seems to be right.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to dinner angry. Okay for you, it.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Seems like that kind of comes with maturity. That's really
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: hard to do when you're younger. But like I feel
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: the same way. I just spit it out there. I
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: think we're both maybe a little bit spoken people and
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: it makes like a little easier. Like you don't carry
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: crap along with you.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. I don't have I don't have any time.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I don't have any space for it. You know, I
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: want to be happy. You know, life is good, God
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: is good, It's kind is shining.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: You know, life is amazing, life is short.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I want to be happy.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: What would you describe your love of life today? Are
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: you in a relationship.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Are you dating home homegirls? Non existent right now?
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, still sending it up there, waiting waiting for somebody
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: to come down.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I kind of know right away if I'm
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: dating the potential one or not.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I'm so surprised that I look at you and I
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: think about one of your life and your history. I'm
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: surprised that you I'm guessing you do probably have a
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: lot of people who want to date you, but you
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: are now like intentional and specific.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really really intentional, and after a date or
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: two or even a phone call, I could tell if
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: this is going anywhere.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you how do you meet people?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Prayer? Uh? Really, it's a little difficult to meet people, actually,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: because guys don't come up to me.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: You know, intimidating your beauty.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: And I think I'm really really personable.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I agree with you, But a guy can be intimidated
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: about you.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: And then then if they are, then I know that
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: that's not the one. And that's the way I'm interested in,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: you know, in talking to you anyway. You know, I
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: don't know. I'm the last person I met at the
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: gas station.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, I was going to ask you that, I mean
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: your movie. You meet the guy in the grocery store. Yeah,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: and I don't know if that's you know, kind of I.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Met a few in a grocery store. Grocery stores, you know,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: just as good as church.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I like you at a guy grocery shop. It makes
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: me think he's going to cook for you.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know a few things, or want to learn
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: a few things. I'm into that too.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: There me too. And the last guy you met at
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: the gas station, did you go on a date?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: We were on a few dates, Okay dates. It was
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: really really nice, just didn't work out.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: It's okay, but you let you know, you gave it
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: a try. I love that. Yeah, a gas station and
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: you said, yes, where are you living now?
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Are you in La or are you in Atlanta?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Atlanta?
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: All right, all right? What are your thoughts on marriage today?
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking that you're going to say that you are
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: still open to marriage, but I just want to confirm
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: that because you've done it three times, and what do
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: you think marriage still?
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Listen? Let me just let me give you this disclaiming
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't think I would ever be married three times.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: That was not all purpose and not okay, So I
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: am open to marriage because I'm a love a girl,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: right you are. I'm a love a girl. But I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: would have to know that whover I'm going to marry.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Then we're both going into it thinking that this is
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: this is the last time, this is forever.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You love, love and love. That's what we're all about here,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: about finding love. That's the whole thing about I do
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: part two and keep saying now do you until you
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: get it right?
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: That's right? Yeah?
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: So okay, Now let's move on to Logan. You have
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: a teenage son that going what are you? What is
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: like raising a teenager as a single mom? How a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: princess together?
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: You know, Logan and I we raise each other.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you get it right?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah? He is a phenomenal kid. God knew exactly what
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I needed.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: He's a great, great, great kid, a great cook. He
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: gives me no problems. He's amazing in school. He already
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: knows what he wants to do. He's a gamer. Oh yeah,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: and you know he's just a great kid. I don't know.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: He's a great kid.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: He's been easy, an easy kid.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Good times. We have a great time with Logan. He's funny, cracks, jokes,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: he's great great kid.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm guessing that you have some challenging days
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: even if he's a great kid.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Oh baby, he turned into this teenager where he feels
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: like he's right about every single thing. Yeah.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm guessing that you're doing really good con
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: parenting and the father helps with that.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, we've done the best we can. You know,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: there's no playbook. You know, there is no playbook, no playbook,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: but you know, he feels supported by myself and his
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: dad and we step in and be parents and show
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: up and you know, when we when we need to
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: together as a force, and sometimes it's me and sometimes
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: it's just him, but we figure it out.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: You figure it out, of course you do. Let's pivot
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: a little bit because I'd love to talk about your
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: music carrier a little bit, especially since you were recently
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: performed at the twenty twenty six Songwriters.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Same Yeah, Taylor Swift the inductees and you sang beyond
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Beyonce's single Ladies. Music is so healing? Yes, what music
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: has gotten you through your toughest time?
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: A lot of R and B music only because it
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: talks about real life. Right. Music is my goal to
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: when I want to heal. The person I've been listening
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: to lately is the artist named Ray and Let. Her
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: last album is called This Music May Contain Hope, and
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: it really is hopeful music. I love that great beautiful
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: music and it just makes you feel uplifted and it
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: talks about challenges of life, but it also talks about,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: you know, the successes of life. And so that's just
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: what I've been listening to lately and finding comfort in.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: So when you come out with a song, is it
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: do you get it from a personal experience? Sounds like
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: maybe Ray does and you relate to it. Is that
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: how you write your music? Is that how you come
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: up with stuff?
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, I write about past experiences, but I'm also a
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: prophetic writer. I write about things that hasn't happened yet
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: and years later something happens. Yeah, that partakes to a song.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, are you going to write about like this, like
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: kind of moment in your life? It seems like you
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: have such a bright outlook on it and that you
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: could maybe you know, affect somebody with your song.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, I'm writing right now for my next album,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: and yeah, so a lot of a lot of it
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: is about this era that I've been in lately.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, about knowing yourself, about knowing myself, not apologizing, no girl,
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: and then.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Also like you know, finding the partner, finding the person
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: who's who God has made for me.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: You know, I can't wait to hear your songs. How
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: somiliar album we out?
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: It comes out of September. Okay, Yeah, it's.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Great news for all of our listeners who are looking
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: for their part two and you know, getting some inspiration
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: from music like you did. Okay, let's move on to
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: your movie because I know Okay. I screened it last night.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I absolutely loved it. I love Tej exactly. I love
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: the two of you together. I had to turn it
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: off partly through the night because it was dark in
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: my house. I was great babysitting my grandkids, and I
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: got really scared, and I toushed it this morning when
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: it wasn't dark. Okay, But it was so.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: So, so good.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: So it's an intense thriller, yes, and it seems like
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: something different than what you've done before. What made you
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: want to take on this role?
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: First of all, it was Tay Diggs. I put me
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: on that one. Yeah, He's a phenomenal actor, and I've
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: always kind of wanted to work with him. My sisters
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: worked with him, and also the director as well. Chris
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Stokes is amazing, Okay, And when I got the call,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: he was like, you'd be perfect for this role. Will
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: you do it? Will you trust me? And I'm like,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: of course, And so we went in and it was
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: so fun. I thought it was a thriller. It was
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: so fun to make.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like he's such a talented actor, just
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: like you're a talented actress. So this chemistry was bound
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: to work. I feel like, I wonder if you got
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: any inspiration from this role because you were single, Because
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: you're single mother, and that's how this person kind of
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: came into this relationship and loved that he loved her kids,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: and I bet you could kind of relate to that.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Tell me about that a little bit.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think that is every single mother's
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: dream to me an amazing man who gets along with
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: your kids and want to get along with your kids
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: and want to be a family guy. And sometimes you
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: know it's it's not a good idea because we want
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: it so bad and we get to look at all
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: the signs that that tells us that it's not right
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: because we want it so bad. I think that's what
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: was going on in this film. He had a lot
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: of red flags that she ignored, and she just first
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: of all, he was fine. Second all, he was very fine. Yeah,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: he's fine. And second of all, you know, he you know,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: seemed like the perfect guy. Yeah, And so you know,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: sometimes we have to like not look at those things
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: and really look at the situation as face value and
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: look at the situation as like, is this person right
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: for me? Am I ignoring all the signs because the
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: signs are all there all the time.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: So if you met a perfect guy like this guy,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: would you be like, there's something underlying that I'm not seeing.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like that all the time.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like that all the time. So the last
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: person you will meet is my kid. Yeah yeah, yeah,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm really really skeptical about any inviting anybody to
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: meet my kid or even come to my home. So
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: by then, by then I feel like I have vetted
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: them out to them being who they are instead of
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: their representative representative.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Will Logan give you an honest opinion about a person
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: that you bring.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Up, Yes, he's been right every time. Yes, it's not fair.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: He has a good radar.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Huh he does. It's really not fair. I could really
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: like a person, he's like, I don't like him.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: That's not the one for your mom.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, good to know.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Huh, it's right. It sucks.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: I do want to talk about some of the underlying
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: themes of this movie because they're intense, and there are
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: things we talk about here on the podcast. Second chapters,
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: blended families, et cetera. What do you think are some
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: of the things women need to be asking men when
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: they are dating?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: In chapter two, I think a lot of people shy
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: away from asking about people's past, and I think that
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: that is important. You have to ask questions. You have
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: to ask about their last relationship. And I know a
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: lot of people don't want to talk about it, you know,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: but you have to talk about it because you have
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: to figure out the characteristics of who that person is
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: and also patterns.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, right, right, So.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: You have to ask a lot of questions and not
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: be afraid. I was, it's so crazy. I was talking
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: to a producer today. She didn't want to ask her
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: boyfriend a question like then, so, why are you with him?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: How's that? Going to work, you have to ask questions.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: You have to ask questions. You're not going to know
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: somebody you know and and who and know who they
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: are unless you ask questions. You have to ask questions.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I think we got it to ask questions.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: They don't want to ask because people and you have
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: to be and you have to watch when you ask questions.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Are people hesitant to answer?
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, are they afraid of the answer. Is that
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: why they're not asking the questions, or they're afraid that
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: they're offending by asking the questions.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: But listen, nobody wants to shake the table. Everybody wants
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: it's the wonderful.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want to know, really, Yeah.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: They don't want to know. You want to be with
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: a person. You want to be with a person's so bad,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: we don't want to be.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Alone, so we're not asking.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we don't ask.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: And do you think that we're okay with accepting what
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: we find out later? Or then we really just screwed ourselves.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And it takes a long time to get to the
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: place where I'd rather ask now and find out.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Well, who wants to waste their time for a year
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: or two with the wrong person, right?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: They're not asking a question.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you have to recover from that. No,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: this age, not at this time and not this age
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: of the game, like nobody with you. Let's wrap this
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: up what we're doing.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: It's like, Yeah, the thing that I feel it comes
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: with maturity, and it comes with a second or third loves,
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: not with first loves orly a lot I think. Yeah,
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: this movie deals with themes of physical abuse and domestic violence,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: which we also know a lot of people experience in
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: marriage and relationships. What sort of mindset did you have
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: to be in to be in this film with these
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: tough scenes and why do you think it's important for
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: stories like this to be shared?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, sometimes you don't know that you are
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship until you mir or someone else's. Yeah, right,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people get to the point when things are
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: not that bad, if you get what I'm saying, right,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: and when you look at someone else's situation and you
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: can kind of mirror yours, like, well.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: That's not okay now, but I have the same thing.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I think it's important to do movies
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: and scenes like this just to you know, help other
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: people figure out, you know, what's not right in their lives.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that. I bet that seeing the way
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: that Ta Diggs's character as a child was so abused
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: so terribly, and it makes me think about my own
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: kids and like what a great light they had. But like,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: is there somebody that I didn't know was in a
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: you know, in a toxic family like that? I mean,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I think there are kids out there that that, But like,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: what is a sign? How do we know? How can
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: we help? I think this movie is important, so more
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: of us are going to look around a little differently
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and see if we you know, if we see.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Something, Yeah, that's right and that and in that sense,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I did my job.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Right, that's right. I mean I think that it was
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: like I hope a lot of people walk away from
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: this movie thinking I need to be more aware because
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: those kids who aren't talking about it, who are scared,
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: you know, they can end up with adults like you know,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: take Diggs in this movie, and you know it's just
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: you know, and.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: You have to talk about it because you know, things
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: can escalate really fast. Yeah, And so the more people know,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: the more people can help you.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole theme of schizophrenia that was very interesting
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: watching that play out in the movie, you know, people
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: hearing voices and then making him do different things. That
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: was I felt like I learned a lot about mental
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: illness in this movie that I didn't know.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Well, I haven't seen it, so I can't believe that
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen it. I wanted to wait to the premiere,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: which is tomorrow. Tay hasn't seen it either. We're both
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: waiting till Tomorrow's.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Fine to hear. Oh, I'm dying to hear. I hope
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: they're going to interview you right afterwards because I want
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: to hear what you say about it.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: It's so good.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, good for you. Okay, So let me ask
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: you one question. What do you want women to take
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: away from watching the movie? And what do you hope
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: men take away from it.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but you know what's about. I
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: know what is what it is about? Okay. The number
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: one thing is for men and women stop being so thirsty. Okay,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: stop being so desperate to find a person. Yeah right,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I love that. You got to figure out where this
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: person comes from? What, what what do? What do they
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: actually want with you? You know what I mean? And
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: if those answers does not it does not match up
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: to yours, then you know you've been thirsty. Baby away
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: down and waits. It'll come when it's supposed to come.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: And that's at any age. Because my mother is in
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: her seventies and she's still dating. That she's still dating,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: and I just feel like, you know, the right one
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: always shows up. You don't have to rush it. You know,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: God is not going to take you out of here
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: before your person comes. Okay.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: I think there's a big positive influence in your life,
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: and it gives you the ability to walk away because
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: you have faith that something else will come. I think
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: not everybody has deep faith like you have and are
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: willing to accept whatever they're thinking that's all they're going
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: to get.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Well, I hate that for them, you know too, because
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you gotta believe in something. Yeah,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: you know. And the thing about love, Love is so
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: free and beautiful. You can try and try and get
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: until you get it right.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: You get it right, and in the meantime, I feel
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: like as I was trying to get it right, I
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: made a lot of really great friends and I learned
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: a little bit from every relationship going forward to get
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: me to the place I am now. Yeah, so all
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: those tests are good and you don't have to say
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: they pass the test until they really do.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Man, Okay, well I want to tell everybody so when
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: they can catch Stepfather is on to be on June nineteenth,
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: So that's this Friday.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I know me too. I have a new grand baby
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: coming this Friday also.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: So congratulations.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: A great day. It's June tenth and your movie is
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: coming out and I have a new granddaughter being born.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: So what a great day. So if you are freshly
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: divorced and trying to figure out your new life but
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: don't know where to start, we're here to help. Send
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials too.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Please I do Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: in love is the main objective