Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are Introverted
Transcript
- Lucas: I want to start with a listener question that came in this week. Name withheld, but they said: 'I am introverted. Every mentorship guide says go to events, hand out business cards, follow up. I freeze. Am I just out of luck?' Luna: Oof. I felt that. And I think a lot of people assume introverts just need to 'try harder' at the standard networking playbook. Lucas: Right. And that playbook was written by extroverts for extroverts. Look, I'm not saying introverts have it easy — but the research suggests introverts actually have some natural advantages in mentorship, if they play to their strengths. Luna: What do you mean? I'm leaning in. Lucas: So organizational psychologist Adam Grant has done work on introverts and networking. He found that introverts are often better at building deeper one-on-one relationships because they listen more and talk less. In a mentorship context, that's gold. The problem is the getting-started part — the cold approach. Luna: Yeah, that's the wall. So what do you tell someone who literally feels their throat close up at a networking happy hour? Lucas: First, don't go to the happy hour. I'm serious. There's no rule that says mentorship has to start at a loud event with a nametag. Instead, find one person and ask one specific question. Not 'will you be my mentor?' — that's too high pressure. Something like, 'I read your post about X. Could you share one thing you wish you'd known when you started in this field?' Luna: That's low-stakes. And it's actually a compliment — you're showing you've done your homework. Lucas: Exactly. And the beauty is, the answer to that one question often leads to a follow-up. Over time, it becomes a conversation. A mentorship can emerge without ever being formally declared. Luna: That's really practical. For me, my most meaningful mentoring relationship started in a book club. Not a career book club, just a regular fiction book club. I was quiet for months, but I made one comment that someone liked, and after the meeting she pulled me aside and said, 'You think differently. Let's grab coffee.' Lucas: That's a perfect example. Small-group settings — book clubs, volunteer committees, project teams — are natural environments for introverts. You're not performing; you're participating. Luna: And you're listening, which is your superpower. I remember in that first coffee, she talked for twenty minutes and I basically just nodded and asked one question. She later told me I was the best listener she'd met. Lucas: That's the thing. A lot of senior people are tired of being pitched to. They want to be heard. Introverts are naturally good at creating space for that. Luna: Can we talk about async? I know some introverts who dread the real-time call but excel at written communication. Lucas: Absolutely. Email, LinkedIn messages, even a thoughtful comment on someone's article — that's asynchronous. You can draft it, revise it, get it right. There's no pressure to perform on the spot. I've seen introverts build powerful mentor relationships entirely through email exchanges over six months. Luna: And the mentor gets to reply on their own time too. It's a win-win. Lucas: Now, there's one more concept I want to introduce: the 'gateway mentor'. This is someone you engage with for a short, defined purpose — maybe three sessions to prepare for a presentation, or one informational interview. Low commitment, low anxiety. Often that small success builds the confidence to seek a longer-term relationship. Luna: It's like training wheels. You learn the rhythm of mentor conversations without the weight of 'this is my career guide now'. Lucas: Exactly. And if the gateway mentor happens to become a sponsor down the line, great. But you don't start with that expectation. Luna: That reminds me of something. Before we go further — if this conversation has been helpful, and you'd like to see more episodes like this, one way to support the show is by buying us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It helps us keep the podcast ad-free and focused on practical career advice. Lucas: We really appreciate that. And now, back to the introvert's toolkit. Let's talk about the follow-up — because even after a good first conversation, introverts can struggle with the 'what now?' feeling. Luna: Yes. I've had that. You have a great chat, but then you don't want to be annoying. So you wait, and then it fades. Lucas: My suggestion: send a short email within 48 hours. Reference one specific thing you discussed. And then propose a specific next step — 'Would you be open to a fifteen-minute call next month to check in on that project?' Keep it bounded. Luna: Bounded is key. Fifteen minutes feels manageable. Also, I think introverts sometimes overthink the relationship. They think they have to be best friends. But mentors don't need that. Lucas: Right. A mentor is not a therapist or a buddy. It's a professional relationship. You can keep it structured and still get enormous value. Luna: What about the 'ask for feedback' move? I've found that asking a potential mentor for feedback on a specific piece of work is a natural in. Lucas: Brilliant. That's one of the lowest-friction ways to start. It's concrete, it's respectful, and it shows you value their opinion. Plus, people love giving advice on something they can see — a resume, a slide deck, an email draft. Luna: And it's not about you as a person, so it feels safer. Lucas: Exactly. One more thing: introverts should not feel pressured to mimic extroverted mentors. If your mentor is a big personality, you don't have to match that energy. Being the calm, reflective voice in the room is a complement. Luna: I think a lot of introverts need permission to be themselves in those relationships. So, final thought: if you're introverted and looking for a mentor, start small. One question. One email. One gateway conversation. You don't have to conquer the room. Lucas: And I'll add: the best mentors often respect the introvert's thoughtful approach. They see it as a sign of depth. So lean into that. Luna: Alright, here's a question for our listeners: if you were to redesign a corporate mentorship program to better serve introverts, what would you change? We'd love to hear your ideas. Lucas: Send them in. We might do a follow-up episode with the best suggestions. Until next time, take care.