Latest / Aired Out / Local mom Hope Garcia returns to speak out on the impacts of bullying in our schools.

Transcript

Local mom Hope Garcia returns to speak out on the impacts of bullying in our schools. · Aired Out

0:21
Speaker 1: A deep, complete dett thinking about the.
0:59
Speaker 2: Body. Well, the sun is shining. It is a beautiful day,
1:25
Speaker 2: Saint Patrick's Day. And if you aren't wearing green today,
1:29
Speaker 2: you might want to change that immediately, unless you're already
1:34
Speaker 2: out of the house. Then you know, don't refrain from
1:37
Speaker 2: stripping in public. That could not go well easily. But
1:42
Speaker 2: happy Saint Patty's Day. Yes, sunshining, It is a beautiful day. Also,
1:46
Speaker 2: National corned Beef and Cabbage Day today. Mine's uh on
1:50
Speaker 2: the slow cook right now. I believe at the house
1:53
Speaker 2: Cheron's got it put together. Hey, good morning. We're streamed
1:56
Speaker 2: everywhere you get your podcasts. We're on the web. It
1:58
Speaker 2: aired out vt com. Thanks for catching us on YouTube
2:03
Speaker 2: this morning. Maybe you're watching the sun Facebook, but yeah,
2:07
Speaker 2: we are live. We're fifteen days away from April Fool's Day,
2:13
Speaker 2: nineteen days to Easter Sunday. Being that it is Tuesday,
2:19
Speaker 2: a couple of things here five dollars tuesdays back at
2:21
Speaker 2: the Capital Theater. We talked about this every Tuesday morning.
2:25
Speaker 2: Skip the line, grab your tickets in advance at FGB
2:28
Speaker 2: theaters dot com. But yeah, all showings, all movies, just
2:33
Speaker 2: five bucks. Follow them on Facebook and Instagram if you
2:37
Speaker 2: want to see the complete rundown updates, showtimes, special events,
2:42
Speaker 2: all that good stuff. We're at thirty two degrees right now,
2:47
Speaker 2: maybe thirty five later today, but it's not really going
2:50
Speaker 2: to be warming up much beyond where we are right now.
2:53
Speaker 2: Wind chill advisory also in place with light snow, especially
2:57
Speaker 2: this morning, but the winds today the main story, blowing
3:01
Speaker 2: around thirty miles per hour and higher in the mountains.
3:05
Speaker 2: Tonight going to be cold, down around to twelve degrees
3:08
Speaker 2: with clouds. Tomorrow's sunshine to start, clouds to finish about
3:12
Speaker 2: thirty one, and then on Thursday little milder, lower forties, cloudy,
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Speaker 2: snowshowers still though. Birthdays today, Nathan Payne, There we go,
3:23
Speaker 2: Patty Maguire on the list boy these here's some names
3:26
Speaker 2: here that going back with me. Brian Buck, Nicole Bove,
3:31
Speaker 2: Joanne Hurlbert, Mike Shawkett, Sorella, Normandy, Matt Meres, Amanda Amos,
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Speaker 2: Elizabeth Glanie and Ruth Hatkins. Happy birthday to all of you.
3:48
Speaker 2: Saint Patti's Day with two d's or with two d's,
3:53
Speaker 2: let's say you worth pointing out that some could also
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Speaker 2: urge against using Saint Patty's d D because Patty can
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Speaker 2: be considered kind of a derogatory English term for an
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Speaker 2: Irish person, So I don't know, negative connotation that probably
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Speaker 2: won't come out when referencing the holiday. But I don't know.
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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe we should just be saved and say Saint
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Speaker 2: Patrick's Day anyway. Community calendar is I have already posted
4:32
Speaker 2: up this morning corn beef and cabbage being served up
4:35
Speaker 2: for the Tuesday night meal at the American Legion Post
4:38
Speaker 2: ten right here in the Granite City dining or takeout.
4:42
Speaker 2: It's just twelve bucks. They start serving up around five
4:46
Speaker 2: point thirty. You better get in on it though if
4:48
Speaker 2: you if you haven't yet called them, you should do
4:52
Speaker 2: it right now. Four seven nine nine to zero five
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Speaker 2: eight wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if they
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Speaker 2: sold out. And then the Bear Area Senior Center also
5:02
Speaker 2: serving up corned beef and cabbage for their lunch today
5:05
Speaker 2: starting at about eleven thirty. Thanks to Gabe Blodginess yesterday
5:12
Speaker 2: coming in here and helping us process and decipher and
5:19
Speaker 2: learn about what's going on in the Middle East, which
5:22
Speaker 2: was just fascinating to hear everything he had to say. Yesterday.
5:26
Speaker 2: I went back last night and watched that one this morning.
5:32
Speaker 2: This is one that I'm also planning to put in
5:37
Speaker 2: the earbuds a little bit later and re listen to.
5:42
Speaker 2: Hope Garcia is a local mom who was in here
5:47
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, I think now, and discussing
5:52
Speaker 2: very transparently a situation at Barrytown School where her son
6:00
Speaker 2: was being bullied and this was I should probably even
6:07
Speaker 2: say habitually bullied. And first of all, Hope, I think
6:17
Speaker 2: you're super brave for coming in here and discussing this
6:21
Speaker 2: and coming back too. I mean, we had a lot
6:23
Speaker 2: of people that were watching the first time you came
6:26
Speaker 2: in here, and I asked you, then, would you come
6:30
Speaker 2: back and give us an update, tell us how things are,
6:35
Speaker 2: and you said you would, and you're holding to your
6:38
Speaker 2: word here, and I think that's I think that's great
6:40
Speaker 2: because this is not subject matter that's won and done.
6:46
Speaker 2: We talk about bullying in some form or fashion every
6:50
Speaker 2: Wednesday with sweethearts and heroes who joins me on the air,
6:54
Speaker 2: and they'll be on the air with me tomorrow morning too,
6:56
Speaker 2: and we're gonna be talking about today's show. But this
7:01
Speaker 2: is this is something that's not going to go away.
7:03
Speaker 2: This is a huge problem, not just here in America,
7:08
Speaker 2: but also here in small town from at. What's the
7:12
Speaker 2: story with with Just give us some context here for
7:17
Speaker 2: the folks that maybe missed that first episode that you
7:20
Speaker 2: were on, your son was bullied for quite a while.
7:23
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you again for letting me on your show
7:27
Speaker 3: here today. Last time I had my sister Chrissy with me,
7:30
Speaker 3: and I wish she could be on today too, but
7:32
Speaker 3: she's working, so Hi Chrissy. But my main thing is,
7:37
Speaker 3: like I came on last time as a parent from
7:42
Speaker 3: Barrytown Middle and Elementary School. My son was an eighth grader.
7:47
Speaker 3: He attended there and he was being bullied not only socially,
7:54
Speaker 3: he was being bullied in school. He was being bullied emotionally,
7:58
Speaker 3: and he was bullied racial. Like many parents, I started
8:06
Speaker 3: the process of following the paper trail, and I first
8:12
Speaker 3: asked a couple questions, and it had already started, like
8:17
Speaker 3: prior to January. It had been a conversation multiple times.
8:21
Speaker 3: My son has an IEP and it didn't feel like
8:25
Speaker 3: it was going in the right direction. So I decided
8:28
Speaker 3: that I was going to push a little further and
8:29
Speaker 3: ask more questions, but by that time it had already
8:34
Speaker 3: done its damage on my son. My son was having
8:36
Speaker 3: medical issues, he was having anxiety, he wouldn't his attendance
8:42
Speaker 3: was poor, and it was showing, and it seemed to
8:46
Speaker 3: everyone else that, oh, he's just trying to get out
8:48
Speaker 3: of school. But these weren't things my son had ever
8:51
Speaker 3: done before. My son's attendance had been poor in the
8:53
Speaker 3: past because of asthma, but not for the things that
8:56
Speaker 3: was happening at home, and not for the reasons why
8:58
Speaker 3: he didn't want to go to school. And at first
9:01
Speaker 3: I was just like, Okay, maybe he's sick, so I
9:04
Speaker 3: kept getting him checked, or maybe it's part of his asthma. Nope,
9:09
Speaker 3: And then he started having major anxiety and panic attacks,
9:13
Speaker 3: and the school didn't see it that way, but I
9:17
Speaker 3: noticed that there was a change in him overall, his demeanor,
9:21
Speaker 3: his passion, his wanting to do things that he normally
9:24
Speaker 3: wanted to do. In his way, he stepped away from
9:27
Speaker 3: the only thing he loved, which was basketball. So I pushed,
9:33
Speaker 3: and I pushed hard, and in doing that, it caused
9:37
Speaker 3: more problems with a school and with my son.
9:41
Speaker 2: So your son is mixed race.
9:44
Speaker 3: Yes, my son is half a span of half white,
9:46
Speaker 3: all right.
9:47
Speaker 2: How old is he?
9:48
Speaker 3: He is thirteen, about to be fourteen, all right.
9:50
Speaker 2: So how long was he going to Barrytown School.
9:53
Speaker 3: We moved back to Vermont in June of twenty twenty four,
9:58
Speaker 3: so he has been going to Barrytown since union of
10:00
Speaker 3: his seventh grade year. We are from Los Angeles, so
10:04
Speaker 3: my son is used to interracial schools, more so with
10:08
Speaker 3: more Hispanic kids. So being out here, this was his
10:12
Speaker 3: first time where he was the minority.
10:18
Speaker 2: So right off, how did he How did he deal
10:22
Speaker 2: with this? How did you know?
10:25
Speaker 3: It was crazy for him? I mean the dress, the
10:27
Speaker 3: dressing is definitely different for him. I mean he was
10:29
Speaker 3: used to always wearing Jordan's Nike everything, like top of
10:33
Speaker 3: the line, because that's how kids dress in on the
10:35
Speaker 3: West Coast. But at the same time, it's like, that's
10:38
Speaker 3: not what people care about here, That's not what the
10:40
Speaker 3: kids really if they were in the city, yes, but
10:42
Speaker 3: not here in Vermont.
10:43
Speaker 2: How How was he reacting? How was he responding to.
10:48
Speaker 3: He was trying his best to fit in, and when
10:51
Speaker 3: people were bullying him, he kind of brushed it off
10:53
Speaker 3: because he wanted to fit in. So he didn't at
10:57
Speaker 3: first like react to the bullying, and he just let
11:00
Speaker 3: it slide because he's like, Okay, well, how am I gonna,
11:04
Speaker 3: you know, become popular? How am I going to be
11:06
Speaker 3: part of the in crowd if I just if I
11:09
Speaker 3: say something, it's like I said, last time, I was
11:12
Speaker 3: on snitches, get stitches. That's across the whole United States. Yeah,
11:15
Speaker 3: most kids don't talk about bullying or they don't want
11:18
Speaker 3: to bring it up because they don't want more repercussions
11:21
Speaker 3: from it from the kids in school. Because the minute
11:23
Speaker 3: you tattletale, you think that saying something to a teacher
11:29
Speaker 3: or someone that's an adult, even your parents, that automatically
11:36
Speaker 3: your friends are going to get in trouble and then
11:38
Speaker 3: it'll come back on you tenfold.
11:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're getting some a little bit of relatability this
11:45
Speaker 2: morning with some of our comments that are that are
11:48
Speaker 2: coming in, you know, And I think I think all parents,
11:58
Speaker 2: and I know this is broad strokes here, but that
12:01
Speaker 2: all parents in some way can relate a little bit
12:06
Speaker 2: to Yeah. I remember either when I was a kid,
12:10
Speaker 2: or I remember when my child was in school or
12:17
Speaker 2: is in school now, and I was starting to smell
12:22
Speaker 2: that something was off that maybe we were crossing the
12:27
Speaker 2: line here between having fun and typical childish banter and
12:36
Speaker 2: unwanted comments that were resonating in kids heads and hearts
12:44
Speaker 2: and cause pain even though they've got a smile on
12:47
Speaker 2: their face. As a parent, it's not easy to always
12:52
Speaker 2: recognize this kind of stuff. You've got to be paying
12:55
Speaker 2: attention to your kid, and you saw some of those.
13:01
Speaker 3: I myself dealt with bullying growing up. My older son
13:05
Speaker 3: dealt with it as well. And I've seen it for years.
13:09
Speaker 3: And I mean even Vermont, forty seven percent of middle
13:12
Speaker 3: schoolers are bullied. So it's not like it's something that
13:16
Speaker 3: if your kid hasn't been a part of it, someone
13:19
Speaker 3: else your kid knows has been a part of it.
13:21
Speaker 3: So it's not something they're not used to seeing. And
13:24
Speaker 3: for yourself, chances are if you grew up here, you've
13:27
Speaker 3: been a part of it too. If you haven't, I
13:33
Speaker 3: don't know what rock you've been living under.
13:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you know I'm thinking of I'm thinking
13:44
Speaker 2: of my parents, super super old school. And you know,
13:51
Speaker 2: when I was in elementary school, it was in the seventies,
13:56
Speaker 2: late seventies, and even in the eighth I mean, there
14:01
Speaker 2: was just this this mindset of kids will be kids,
14:07
Speaker 2: and so much of that is still in some ways true.
14:14
Speaker 2: But you know Tom Murphy, and I don't want to
14:18
Speaker 2: speak for him, but really anyone from Sweethearts and Heroes
14:23
Speaker 2: would probably say, as I've heard them say before, yeah,
14:27
Speaker 2: there is some truth to that. However, there's lines that
14:34
Speaker 2: that that get crossed, and they're not always super visible.
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Speaker 2: You've got to be is an administrator, as a teacher,
14:46
Speaker 2: is the janitor, as the parent at home, as the friend,
14:52
Speaker 2: the neighbor. You've got to be watching these kids and
14:58
Speaker 2: paying attention to what might be going on behind the
15:02
Speaker 2: curtain there there there There could be some mental health
15:06
Speaker 2: implications as a result of some of these comments, if
15:10
Speaker 2: they're repeated, if they're you know, started out as a
15:14
Speaker 2: joke and we all had a laugh, and then you know,
15:20
Speaker 2: this has been going on and on now and I,
15:24
Speaker 2: as the recipient, am not laughing anymore. But you, as
15:29
Speaker 2: the bully, and your friends still are. And that's where
15:37
Speaker 2: adults should get involved, should intervene. And I say adults,
15:42
Speaker 2: it doesn't like I said, it doesn't matter if it's
15:44
Speaker 2: a teacher, if it's the janitor, if it's anyone that's
15:46
Speaker 2: noticing this should get involved. But I get the I
15:51
Speaker 2: get the impression, I get the the the feeling that
15:56
Speaker 2: you your story, your situation, which has some complexities in it,
16:03
Speaker 2: has not been heard or well received or taken seriously.
16:12
Speaker 2: And I don't want to put words in your mouth.
16:14
Speaker 2: But is any of what I just said accurate?
16:18
Speaker 3: A lot of it is accurate, And there are certain
16:20
Speaker 3: things that I can't say right now over the over
16:25
Speaker 3: the mic, over the mic, due to the fact that
16:27
Speaker 3: it's still an ongoing investigation. And with that said, I'm
16:32
Speaker 3: not here to slam the school. I'm not here to
16:36
Speaker 3: slam the district or anything like that. But what I'm
16:38
Speaker 3: here to say is that as a parent, we have
16:42
Speaker 3: to look out for the safety of our children, and
16:44
Speaker 3: if we see something, we need to say something. Not
16:48
Speaker 3: just like they say in school, but you need to
16:51
Speaker 3: fight for your child because your child can't fight for
16:53
Speaker 3: themselves right when it comes to things like this, and
16:56
Speaker 3: a lot of times, a lot of school districts will
16:58
Speaker 3: do everything they can to push you to stop. And
17:01
Speaker 3: if you don't have that strength, or maybe it's just
17:05
Speaker 3: not you don't have the time, or you just know
17:08
Speaker 3: that it's a fighting battle you don't think that you
17:10
Speaker 3: can win. Those are a lot of reasons why they
17:13
Speaker 3: may push back harder on you to just stop it.
17:17
Speaker 3: And that's where you need to push back even harder,
17:19
Speaker 3: because if you want to stand up for your child,
17:22
Speaker 3: you want to stand up for the rest of the
17:23
Speaker 3: children in that school system, you can't give up. You
17:27
Speaker 3: have to fight through it because it's also going to
17:29
Speaker 3: cause more stress on yourself. But how much does it
17:31
Speaker 3: mean to your child or how much does it mean
17:34
Speaker 3: to you to show to every other parent out there
17:37
Speaker 3: that this is something that you can fight for to
17:40
Speaker 3: help the other children in that school system get a
17:42
Speaker 3: fair shot.
17:45
Speaker 2: We as adults can get very easily complacent. We can
17:56
Speaker 2: get very comfortable with the daily routine, the daily grind,
18:02
Speaker 2: what we're paying attention to, what we allow to rent
18:07
Speaker 2: space in our head, and we, all of us, of
18:12
Speaker 2: all ages, can get so easily distracted now by so
18:17
Speaker 2: many things, so many factors, that we lose sight of,
18:24
Speaker 2: often of what's right in front of us. That we
18:29
Speaker 2: have a problem, that's that's growing right in front of us,
18:33
Speaker 2: and we don't We don't see it, not because it's
18:35
Speaker 2: not there, but because maybe we're just not paying as
18:39
Speaker 2: much attention to it as we should. Schools have And
18:45
Speaker 2: I've said this before to Tom, schools have I you know,
18:53
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. This is just me talking. I wouldn't be
18:58
Speaker 2: tripping over myself to try to be a school teacher
19:01
Speaker 2: these days. I wouldn't. I just wouldn't want to take
19:09
Speaker 2: that on. I mean maybe back in the seventies maybe,
19:13
Speaker 2: but man, it's like, as a teacher, you're supposed to teach,
19:18
Speaker 2: and you know, and Tom and I have had this
19:20
Speaker 2: discussion before and and Pat Fish and others that so
19:28
Speaker 2: much of what teachers are doing today again I say,
19:34
Speaker 2: it seems, is dealing with the social and inner social
19:42
Speaker 2: complexities that kids are carrying through life right now. And
19:48
Speaker 2: it's there's a lot that teachers are doing that they're
19:52
Speaker 2: picking up the slack from parents at home that for
19:56
Speaker 2: whatever reason, are just not doing or not capable of doing.
20:02
Speaker 2: And teachers are just dealing with a lot of what
20:05
Speaker 2: kids are bringing in from their home lives. And the math,
20:10
Speaker 2: the science, the social studies, the English, the writing, the reading,
20:14
Speaker 2: and all that stuff is in some ways and in
20:16
Speaker 2: some classrooms and in some schools, and it varies, is
20:21
Speaker 2: taking a back seat and man, it's like, I don't know,
20:29
Speaker 2: I just I can't imagine being a school teacher. However,
20:35
Speaker 2: with all of this set, with everything that just came
20:39
Speaker 2: out of my mouth, at the forefront of no matter
20:45
Speaker 2: what you're doing as a teacher, whether you're actually teaching,
20:51
Speaker 2: whether it's science, English, writing, phized, whatever it is, at
20:58
Speaker 2: the forefront of everything that you do, of having a
21:02
Speaker 2: purpose of being in that position, your eyes should be
21:08
Speaker 2: open widest to the interactions that your students are having
21:15
Speaker 2: with their classmates, not only in that classroom, but in
21:19
Speaker 2: the cafeteria, on the playground after school, on the school bus,
21:25
Speaker 2: on the way to school. That should be that that
21:30
Speaker 2: should be an absolute given that you're paying attention to that,
21:35
Speaker 2: and when you see something that doesn't seem right, you
21:38
Speaker 2: nip it in the ass right off. I mean, man,
21:44
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, I think of I think of
21:48
Speaker 2: Lily's principle, and I mean just high respect, just low tolerance.
21:57
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter who you are, if you're not treating
22:00
Speaker 2: another kid right, they take care of it. And no
22:05
Speaker 2: school is perfect. Everyone's got their problems. What are they
22:09
Speaker 2: saying to.
22:09
Speaker 3: You, Well, the biggest thing is that safety is first,
22:13
Speaker 3: and that they care about the children. But when I
22:16
Speaker 3: think about those words and what you just said right
22:19
Speaker 3: now about you know, all the classrooms. These teachers have
22:22
Speaker 3: a lot on their plate, and they're looking at their
22:24
Speaker 3: twenty plus students in their classrooms, or maybe some of
22:27
Speaker 3: the classes are smaller than that, depending on which district
22:29
Speaker 3: you're in. What is the what do they need to
22:33
Speaker 3: get done? They have their syllabuses, they have their information
22:36
Speaker 3: that they have to follow to get through to the
22:38
Speaker 3: end of their semesters or quarters, and they have to
22:43
Speaker 3: complete that information. So does some of the information when
22:46
Speaker 3: it comes to safety get pushed back. They may think
22:49
Speaker 3: it isn't but it is. So they may brush off
22:53
Speaker 3: like a little argument between two kids, or they may
22:56
Speaker 3: brush off this cranky child who's sitting in their classroom
23:00
Speaker 3: that morning, when that cranky child could be cranky because
23:03
Speaker 3: something bad is happening at home, or that something happened
23:07
Speaker 3: on social media and they've been cyberbullied. I understand that
23:11
Speaker 3: like our schools, our school systems in Washington School District
23:16
Speaker 3: does not allow phones middle school down and now that
23:19
Speaker 3: we just press that policy for the high school that
23:21
Speaker 3: they're supposed to turn them off when they walk into
23:24
Speaker 3: the school. They only believe are allowed to use them
23:26
Speaker 3: in the lunchroom. I could be wrong, so please don't
23:29
Speaker 3: quote me on that one. But they did change the
23:31
Speaker 3: policy this year so that it wasn't that they could
23:35
Speaker 3: just hey, let's use these in the classroom. Other teachers
23:37
Speaker 3: talking now the policy of changing it for them not
23:40
Speaker 3: having access to their phone. That's a great thing to do.
23:44
Speaker 3: I mean, it does help and gets the kids to
23:47
Speaker 3: pay more attention in class, but it doesn't stop the
23:50
Speaker 3: cyberbullying outside of school. And kids who are home at
23:55
Speaker 3: three o'clock doesn't mean they're about to They're not always
23:58
Speaker 3: doing their homework. There's not always is that second parent
24:01
Speaker 3: or first parents sitting over there making sure they're doing
24:03
Speaker 3: their homework. So a lot of these kids jump on Snapchat,
24:07
Speaker 3: a lot of these kids jump on discord, Twitch, and
24:11
Speaker 3: some of these things, I may say, and these parents
24:12
Speaker 3: are looking at me like, what are you talking about?
24:14
Speaker 4: Why?
24:15
Speaker 3: Because we're not all in the know. None of us
24:18
Speaker 3: are all in the know when it comes to these
24:20
Speaker 3: types of applications or these video games that these video
24:27
Speaker 3: game platforms that they're using, or who is on those platforms,
24:32
Speaker 3: and some of these programs delete things immediately, so you
24:36
Speaker 3: don't know what is said.
24:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, good point. You know. One of the things
24:45
Speaker 2: that we've discussed on Wednesday's Sweethearts and Heroes Day is
24:50
Speaker 2: that bullying is something that's done intentionally, it's done with repetition.
25:03
Speaker 2: But beyond that, what it's stemming from is, and what
25:11
Speaker 2: I've learned from from Tom and the and the boys,
25:13
Speaker 2: is that there's a power imbalance. For whatever reason, you know, uh,
25:24
Speaker 2: the weakest link this pecking order impacts. I mean, this
25:32
Speaker 2: you know goes back to the to the wolves, you know,
25:38
Speaker 2: but it's a power imbalance. And when someone feels that
25:45
Speaker 2: they've got the upper hand on the on the power
25:50
Speaker 2: that if if they've got an inch, that the next
25:55
Speaker 2: day they might try to take an inch and a
25:57
Speaker 2: half just to remind themselves that they've got the power,
26:06
Speaker 2: especially if they're garnering some attention from others, an audience
26:12
Speaker 2: that is laughing at them, that's reiterating to them that
26:22
Speaker 2: they're popular, they're funny, and what they're saying or doing,
26:29
Speaker 2: whether it's you know, you know, back when I was
26:33
Speaker 2: a kid, spit balls and you know, the teacher would
26:36
Speaker 2: turn it during the back and you'd catch a paper
26:38
Speaker 2: airplane in the side of your head or whatever. But man,
26:42
Speaker 2: it's like if if you can get away with an inch,
26:47
Speaker 2: pretty soon you're going to be at two inches and
26:50
Speaker 2: then you're gonna up at three and four. You it's
26:54
Speaker 2: it's a reminder, It's it's more than an ego stroke.
26:58
Speaker 2: It's a reminder that the power imbalance is there, it exists,
27:04
Speaker 2: and it's working in your favor as the bully. This
27:10
Speaker 2: is very, very complicated stuff. The bottom line is that
27:15
Speaker 2: it ends with It can end tragically, but it can
27:21
Speaker 2: also take root and go down a different kind of
27:26
Speaker 2: a road. In your situation, you felt that you have
27:32
Speaker 2: put everything on the table, You've tried everything, and you
27:37
Speaker 2: weren't receiving the support that you were asking for, and
27:44
Speaker 2: you ended up pulling your kid out of school right
27:48
Speaker 2: around the last time you were here.
27:49
Speaker 3: Right So, when I came in here, I was still
27:52
Speaker 3: in the discussion phase with the school, and I had
27:57
Speaker 3: met with them the day before I came in to
28:00
Speaker 3: out and at that point I had already requested a
28:05
Speaker 3: letter of intent, but which means you have to wait
28:07
Speaker 3: ten days until they can let your child out of
28:11
Speaker 3: school for homeschool. And my point at that point was, Okay, well,
28:13
Speaker 3: if I'm going to take him out, I'm going to
28:15
Speaker 3: take him out. If not, then he's going to stay in.
28:17
Speaker 3: Let's see where this goes. After that meeting, I knew
28:20
Speaker 3: for sure that he's done, he's out. I have never
28:26
Speaker 3: wanted to take either one of my students out of
28:28
Speaker 3: school or put them in homeschool, because the first thing
28:31
Speaker 3: that we think about, like most parents do, who's going
28:33
Speaker 3: to teach your child? Who has the time to teach
28:37
Speaker 3: your child? I think the bigger part about that is
28:40
Speaker 3: like if you are a single parent, that stops you
28:43
Speaker 3: from doing a lot of the things that you need
28:45
Speaker 3: to get done in order for your child to learn
28:48
Speaker 3: at home, and especially when they're in that age gap
28:51
Speaker 3: between like six through eighth grade, they need a lot
28:53
Speaker 3: more attention. And my son has an IEP, so he
28:57
Speaker 3: needs even more attention when it comes to learning. Mind you,
29:02
Speaker 3: his IP changed when he moved out here, and his
29:05
Speaker 3: IP was not the same when he was in California,
29:09
Speaker 3: and his IP became an emotional IP by eighth grade,
29:14
Speaker 3: which differed for me and was confusing because he's always
29:18
Speaker 3: needed help in math in English. So they did assist
29:21
Speaker 3: him with that, even though it didn't necessarily need to
29:23
Speaker 3: be on there, but he was still below average and
29:29
Speaker 3: he did have issues in emotionally, and I was like
29:34
Speaker 3: looking at this like okay, but that wasn't his mainframe
29:36
Speaker 3: in California. It was the issues with speech, which could
29:41
Speaker 3: because he knows two languages, his math his English, the
29:46
Speaker 3: scores were lower. What we did find out is that
29:49
Speaker 3: when he got here, he was doing well in math
29:52
Speaker 3: as long as he had the assistance with when the program.
29:57
Speaker 3: What I don't understand is if these programs are there
30:02
Speaker 3: to help you, these support systems are here to be
30:06
Speaker 3: there for you, and yes, you're missing school, then what
30:10
Speaker 3: is it when they are in school? What are those
30:12
Speaker 3: extra support systems doing? And if there is a problem,
30:15
Speaker 3: why aren't they calling you? Why aren't there saying hey
30:19
Speaker 3: we see something, Hey this isn't working out. Not hey
30:23
Speaker 3: your kid was absent. Well, yeah, I understand my kids
30:27
Speaker 3: absent because they're home. But when you put them in homeschool,
30:32
Speaker 3: there's a lot more to doing that than just saying, hey,
30:35
Speaker 3: here's a couple assignments. Do it on your own. Make
30:38
Speaker 3: sure you're doing your math, you're English, You need to
30:40
Speaker 3: get this reading done. It's not like you can hire
30:43
Speaker 3: a tutor. You don't have the extra money to just
30:46
Speaker 3: sit down and have them go to them every week.
30:49
Speaker 3: You can't just say, hey, I'm going to work from
30:50
Speaker 3: nine to five. Just get this done. You have no
30:53
Speaker 3: idea what they're doing during the day. It's not that easy.
30:58
Speaker 3: I myself start my own business, and at this point,
31:03
Speaker 3: I've had to put a lot of things on hold
31:05
Speaker 3: so that my son can do homeschooling. But I will
31:08
Speaker 3: do anything for my children, and that's fine. And I
31:12
Speaker 3: also did teach when I was in California. So for me,
31:16
Speaker 3: I'm lucky that I have that opportunity and I have
31:19
Speaker 3: that background. But all parents don't have that, so they
31:22
Speaker 3: have to still fight the system or they have to say,
31:25
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm sorry, you have to stay in
31:27
Speaker 3: school with your bully and you have to handle it.
31:32
Speaker 3: And that's not fair to these parents. There has to
31:34
Speaker 3: be another way to communicate with the school system, to
31:38
Speaker 3: communicate with the board, to communicate with the with the parents,
31:44
Speaker 3: the bullies, with everyone, so that they have to come
31:49
Speaker 3: out with another way to treat the situation because it's
31:52
Speaker 3: not working.
31:54
Speaker 2: When you've communicated with the school, the principal, superintendent, whoever
32:01
Speaker 2: have you made it clear to them, teacher and so
32:05
Speaker 2: on and so forth, who these particular kids are that
32:12
Speaker 2: are bullying your son.
32:14
Speaker 3: It's part of the policy that you're supposed to give
32:16
Speaker 3: up when they go through the investigation part. You're supposed
32:19
Speaker 3: to give up as much information as you can. Your
32:22
Speaker 3: child is also investigated, so your child is supposed to
32:24
Speaker 3: give up as much as that they feel that they
32:26
Speaker 3: can give up, and then the school has to do
32:28
Speaker 3: an investigation. There are different steps, there are different parts.
32:32
Speaker 3: There's a student conduct form and then there's the HHB investigation.
32:37
Speaker 3: A student Conduct form is the first type of form
32:40
Speaker 3: that they utilize to see what it is like, where
32:44
Speaker 3: it's handled, and it's the automatic form that they use
32:47
Speaker 3: for any type of incident that comes in the door.
32:50
Speaker 3: The HHB is the harassment, hazing and bullying policy and
32:56
Speaker 3: if it meets the criteria of that, they do an investigation. Now,
33:00
Speaker 3: meeting that criteria is where I don't necessarily agree. And
33:06
Speaker 3: those are the things that I can't.
33:10
Speaker 1: Err on my.
33:13
Speaker 3: Investigation right now because it will go too far into
33:16
Speaker 3: what the school system is doing and what I am doing.
33:18
Speaker 3: On the other side. So with that being said, what
33:22
Speaker 3: I can say is that as a parent, you have
33:26
Speaker 3: to push. As a parent, you have to remember that
33:29
Speaker 3: you're sticking up for your child and their safety and
33:32
Speaker 3: did everything get met? Was everything done the right way?
33:36
Speaker 3: And that's what you have to remember.
33:38
Speaker 2: Even if you're not liked by folks on the school
33:42
Speaker 2: board or at the school.
33:44
Speaker 3: Itself exactly Unfortunately you may.
33:46
Speaker 2: Be looking to make friends here, that's not the goal.
33:49
Speaker 3: You're not trying to not only it's not about not
33:54
Speaker 3: trying to go against the school or the school system.
33:56
Speaker 3: It's about was everything done right? And what your child
34:00
Speaker 3: given every opportunity to be heard? And were every was
34:05
Speaker 3: everything fixed? Like was every opportunity there to be fixed?
34:10
Speaker 2: Sure?
34:11
Speaker 3: And if it wasn't, it's your job as a parent
34:13
Speaker 3: it keep fighting.
34:15
Speaker 2: And and was every opportunity exercised to address the bullies?
34:21
Speaker 2: I mean there's some there's some really effective ways to
34:25
Speaker 2: do that as as parents, as adults, I mean, we've
34:34
Speaker 2: got some some really good ways of of doing that,
34:40
Speaker 2: different processes that we can go through of sitting down
34:45
Speaker 2: and having you know, I think a good healthy conversation
34:51
Speaker 2: and if it if if you know, if if things
34:54
Speaker 2: continue you know, listen, I'm not expert on this. I
35:00
Speaker 2: don't have any answers to this shit. I'm just I'm
35:06
Speaker 2: just thinking off the top of my head. But there
35:08
Speaker 2: are more effective ways to engage with the bullies. I mean,
35:15
Speaker 2: you can sit all day and talk about, you know,
35:21
Speaker 2: to the victim, how to respond, how to react, how
35:25
Speaker 2: to process this, uh, get some counseling, so so on
35:28
Speaker 2: and so forth. But if you get to the root
35:30
Speaker 2: of it, you go to the bullies and furthermore to
35:34
Speaker 2: go to their families, go to their parents and say, hey,
35:37
Speaker 2: let's all sit down here. I mean, if, if, if
35:42
Speaker 2: this bully has a real legitimate reason for not liking
35:48
Speaker 2: this kid, let's let's talk this out. Let's let's let's
35:51
Speaker 2: figure this out, you know, and and stop. Let's I
36:00
Speaker 2: want to I want to let you know we're watching you.
36:03
Speaker 2: We're paying attention to how you interact with this kid
36:07
Speaker 2: before school, during school, after school? Was it was it
36:14
Speaker 2: mostly verbal stuff or was it physical stuff? Were they
36:17
Speaker 2: breaking things? Were they throwing things? Were they name calling,
36:21
Speaker 2: making threats? What kind of bullying he.
36:24
Speaker 3: Not only had he was verbally called things, he was
36:29
Speaker 3: physically attacked. He was told to do things because he
36:37
Speaker 3: spoke out on his own page about suicidal ideations and
36:42
Speaker 3: they said, go ahead and do it. And the thing
36:45
Speaker 3: that spoke out to me most about like reading about
36:48
Speaker 3: Vermont in itself, is that if half the students who
36:52
Speaker 3: are in middle school have been bullied, twenty percent of
36:56
Speaker 3: those half of those students have suicidal ideations. So if
37:00
Speaker 3: you think about that, you have fifty percent of students
37:05
Speaker 3: going to school right now between sixth and eighth grade
37:08
Speaker 3: that have been bullied, and then almost half of those
37:12
Speaker 3: students have suicidal ideations. Are we paying attention to that
37:17
Speaker 3: in school and are we paying attention to that at home?
37:19
Speaker 3: That does not mean we're bad parents at all. It
37:23
Speaker 3: just are we looking for those signs? And it also
37:25
Speaker 3: doesn't mean that our kids are not strong. It just
37:28
Speaker 3: means are we listening to what's going on in their
37:31
Speaker 3: lives because sometimes we can't see that. And a lot
37:35
Speaker 3: of it comes from cyberbullying. A lot of it comes
37:38
Speaker 3: from what's going on online and not necessarily what's going
37:42
Speaker 3: on in school, but it's what they're saying to them
37:45
Speaker 3: online and what they have access to.
37:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, harassment through social media, through texts, through apps like snapchat,
37:53
Speaker 2: and Instagram, the rest of them is the real deal
37:57
Speaker 2: for sure. Comments coming in and get an advocate, I'm
38:04
Speaker 2: just reading here. Let's see, Yeah, get an advocate if
38:08
Speaker 2: necessary to help you. All kids deserve the same opportunity.
38:12
Speaker 2: Even if they don't like the child. That does not
38:15
Speaker 2: give them the right to mistreat the child. Sometimes JD.
38:19
Speaker 2: The parents are just as much bullies as the kids. Unfortunately,
38:24
Speaker 2: b U USD does nothing for the child being bullied.
38:31
Speaker 2: And just the last comment, that's just a lot of
38:35
Speaker 2: comments coming in. What happens when the teacher is the
38:38
Speaker 2: bully and it's brought to the administration and nothing happens.
38:43
Speaker 2: I mean, I am not sure about anyone else, but
38:46
Speaker 2: I am done with the bully issues and nothing being done.
38:50
Speaker 2: That comment just came in. Most parents don't check their
38:56
Speaker 2: kids' socials. I am a parent with kids who have
39:00
Speaker 2: some of these platforms, and I check them every single night.
39:05
Speaker 3: And that's not helicopter parenting. I just want to let
39:07
Speaker 3: you guys know.
39:08
Speaker 2: No, that's not helicopter parent that's good parenting.
39:11
Speaker 3: When a lot of those questions are really good questions,
39:14
Speaker 3: and a lot of those questions I have also dealt
39:17
Speaker 3: with as far as teachers are concerned, you can speak
39:20
Speaker 3: up to your your school about issues with a teacher.
39:25
Speaker 3: Is it hard to have that conversation with your school. Yes,
39:28
Speaker 3: because the school's job is to protect that teacher because
39:32
Speaker 3: that is their employee. You can have that conversation. It
39:37
Speaker 3: is available to you. Will it get you anywhere, may not,
39:42
Speaker 3: but the conversation's there. If there's more than one person
39:46
Speaker 3: or student that has a problem with that teacher, you
39:49
Speaker 3: have a better chance of having something done. And again,
39:52
Speaker 3: you still have to go through all the processes of
39:55
Speaker 3: the different parts, from talking to the principal, going through
39:59
Speaker 3: the superintendent, and going through the board. But those processes
40:02
Speaker 3: take time, and it's not just a one week situation.
40:05
Speaker 3: It takes at least one month from the school, to
40:09
Speaker 3: another month through the superintendent, through another month through the board,
40:12
Speaker 3: and then through appeals. And they could stop at any
40:15
Speaker 3: time at any one of those those parts. But as
40:17
Speaker 3: long as you have the information and you have something
40:20
Speaker 3: to fall back on, you have more to get to
40:25
Speaker 3: that top that's top shelf. The next question after that
40:31
Speaker 3: was about bu USD not doing anything. It's not that
40:35
Speaker 3: they don't do anything. They find ways to stop you
40:38
Speaker 3: from going farther and it stresses parents out, and it's
40:41
Speaker 3: like I just can't do anymore. And it really is
40:43
Speaker 3: about fighting it. And another person said, get an advocate. Yeah,
40:46
Speaker 3: because it stresses you out. It's too much, it's too
40:50
Speaker 3: many back and forth, and then you finally say I
40:53
Speaker 3: can't do it anymore. It takes a lot to do.
40:56
Speaker 2: Yes, you have invested so much time in filling out
41:01
Speaker 2: paperwork alone making phone calls. Where are we at now?
41:07
Speaker 3: I mean since since I alread you need to forty
41:11
Speaker 3: emails in and talk to at least six or seven
41:15
Speaker 3: different agencies.
41:16
Speaker 2: And you've pulled your kid out of school and I pulled.
41:18
Speaker 3: My son out of school, which takes up even more
41:20
Speaker 3: of my time, and a lot of other things have
41:22
Speaker 3: had to be put on hold. But do I regret
41:26
Speaker 3: any of it? Nope, not at all. And I went
41:29
Speaker 3: about doing something like this for my other son when
41:32
Speaker 3: he was my son's age, and he went through blank
41:38
Speaker 3: a very different way and a lot a lot worse,
41:41
Speaker 3: and I wish I had taken the steps with him
41:44
Speaker 3: the way I am with this one. But sometimes you
41:46
Speaker 3: have to learn, and you learn the hard way. But
41:50
Speaker 3: my older son is a completely different ball of wax.
41:54
Speaker 2: So you've learned a lot. You have an incredible amount
41:57
Speaker 2: of knowledge here on how to ship away at this.
42:01
Speaker 2: And like I said, I've said this before on the air,
42:04
Speaker 2: and I'll say it again, there's there's there's no one
42:08
Speaker 2: fix uh one to fix all of everything here. I
42:12
Speaker 2: mean there's you gotta deal with the school, you gotta
42:14
Speaker 2: deal with the bullies, you gotta deal with with your
42:17
Speaker 2: kid who's on the receiving end of this. I mean,
42:21
Speaker 2: there's a lot of stuff happened. If there's legal stuff,
42:25
Speaker 2: the list goes on a mile long. You know, some
42:28
Speaker 2: of these comments that are coming in this morning from
42:32
Speaker 2: people that can relate to you what you're going through.
42:38
Speaker 2: Have you thought about creating maybe a you know, I
42:48
Speaker 2: don't know, once a week, once every two weeks, once
42:51
Speaker 2: a month, whatever, for lack of a better term, group
42:58
Speaker 2: of parents who can get together and FaceTime each other.
43:04
Speaker 2: When I say FaceTime, I mean physically we're in the
43:07
Speaker 2: same room and talk about Hey, not only what's happening,
43:15
Speaker 2: but this is what you need to do next. This
43:19
Speaker 2: is what I did which proved a waste of time,
43:23
Speaker 2: or this is what I did which proved to be effective.
43:27
Speaker 2: You got to be patient in this department, in this
43:30
Speaker 2: other department, you have more leverage than others. Have you
43:35
Speaker 2: thought about bringing this information of what you've got time
43:40
Speaker 2: to other parents.
43:41
Speaker 3: I've done advocating for a bullying for many years for adults.
43:45
Speaker 2: Because I would want to talk to you. I mean,
43:47
Speaker 2: if I was in the same boat or a similar
43:50
Speaker 2: boat than you as you, I would be blown you up.
43:56
Speaker 4: I have.
43:57
Speaker 3: I mean in the past, I did ballane for adults
44:00
Speaker 3: out in California, and I think that there's a process
44:04
Speaker 3: for this, But I have to learn a little more
44:07
Speaker 3: to see what's going to happen with the board, what's
44:10
Speaker 3: going to happen with the rest of the school system,
44:12
Speaker 3: before I can sit there and tell everybody else this
44:15
Speaker 3: is a good idea. I don't want to say, hey,
44:17
Speaker 3: try this and then them just feel disappointed because it
44:21
Speaker 3: didn't work. But I do see right now that there
44:23
Speaker 3: are certain things you can do as parents already for
44:28
Speaker 3: your kids. Like the mom on there said or dad
44:30
Speaker 3: whoever it was about your phones, about how you can
44:35
Speaker 3: help with the cyber bullying. I did want to address
44:38
Speaker 3: that today to say that these are some of the
44:39
Speaker 3: things that you can do as a parent. We all
44:42
Speaker 3: come from a different time where we didn't have cell phones.
44:45
Speaker 3: And I know that this is the middle school students.
44:48
Speaker 3: We all come from a time where we had pagers.
44:50
Speaker 3: Like we were all in high school when that happened,
44:53
Speaker 3: or right when we started getting pagers and everything was
44:55
Speaker 3: like one four to three across your pager. I mean,
44:58
Speaker 3: we didn't have access to this. Or some of you
45:01
Speaker 3: parents are the ones with the pink razors, so you
45:03
Speaker 3: already had that when you were in high school, so
45:06
Speaker 3: you were just getting familiar with this. Or the blueberry
45:10
Speaker 3: a blueberry BlackBerry. Sorry I said blueberry. That's so funny.
45:15
Speaker 3: But that didn't have you tube on your phone. We
45:20
Speaker 3: had my Space, and that was I was in the
45:23
Speaker 3: military when we had MySpace and that was a thing
45:26
Speaker 3: of the past. And when you think of things like that,
45:29
Speaker 3: my Space caused so much drama too.
45:32
Speaker 2: People were cheating because.
45:35
Speaker 3: Of my Space. I mean, we had problems with that
45:38
Speaker 3: as adults. So mind you, these kids are so smart
45:42
Speaker 3: when it comes to AI, when it comes to these things,
45:45
Speaker 3: finding out what kids are doing behind doors, or they're
45:49
Speaker 3: sending nasty pictures of each other and posting their faces
45:53
Speaker 3: on fat little babies. I mean, I'm only using it
45:57
Speaker 3: as an example because it's something I know of from
45:59
Speaker 3: way back when. But these things hurt these kids and
46:04
Speaker 3: it doesn't stop.
46:05
Speaker 2: Well, there's a fine line between what's funny and what's
46:09
Speaker 2: not and what's causing pain. There's a fine line, right.
46:14
Speaker 3: Yes, But there's also ways that parents can help with that.
46:17
Speaker 3: We can't help with it forever, yeah, but there are
46:20
Speaker 3: ways that as a parent, until that kid turns eighteen,
46:24
Speaker 3: and if they have a phone and you're paying their bill,
46:28
Speaker 3: there are certain things you as a parent can do
46:31
Speaker 3: to stop a lot of that from happening. And I
46:34
Speaker 3: know that these kids are gonna probably kill me right
46:36
Speaker 3: now for saying it's over aired out, But as parents,
46:41
Speaker 3: we have ways to help with a cyber bullying. Is
46:44
Speaker 3: it gonna make them mad, of course it is. But
46:46
Speaker 3: will it help you and ease you to think that
46:48
Speaker 3: your child's not going to be being cyberbullied or maybe
46:52
Speaker 3: they won't have as many suicidal ideations. Yeah, it will
46:55
Speaker 3: help you. Besides saying, hey, give me your cell phone,
46:59
Speaker 3: you're not gonna have it tonight, give me this, and
47:01
Speaker 3: they say, oh, but I need my cell phone because
47:03
Speaker 3: I need to check my emails for school. Because that's
47:06
Speaker 3: like the number one thing they'll say back to you.
47:08
Speaker 3: Or Oh, I need to use my cell phone because
47:11
Speaker 3: I need to get my passwords off of it, because
47:13
Speaker 3: I need to use my school laptop. There's a lot
47:17
Speaker 3: of excuses you will get, but there's always ways around it.
47:22
Speaker 2: I know kids are good, man, they're slick.
47:24
Speaker 3: When it comes to cyberbullying. You can use digital responsibility
47:31
Speaker 3: education teaching them platforms that are not good for you.
47:35
Speaker 3: Omegley is one and a lot of parents do not
47:38
Speaker 3: know what that is. It's o meg l e and
47:41
Speaker 3: it is a platform where people can talk to random
47:45
Speaker 3: people on the other side of this platform, and it'll
47:48
Speaker 3: just be anyone that pops up on the platform. You
47:51
Speaker 3: don't know if you're talking to a predator, you don't
47:53
Speaker 3: know who you're gonna speak to. It just pops up
47:55
Speaker 3: with somebody. And a lot of the kids will go
47:57
Speaker 3: on this and jokingly will be sitting there with and
48:00
Speaker 3: they could be talking to a forty year old man
48:04
Speaker 3: and have no idea that's who's going to pop up
48:06
Speaker 3: on there, and it's just some random person across the
48:08
Speaker 3: United States and they could be doing something really inappropriate
48:12
Speaker 3: when that picture pops up, and there's no filters to
48:18
Speaker 3: stop that program from happening. The only way you can
48:21
Speaker 3: do that is filter it on your computer or filter
48:23
Speaker 3: it off the phone. Teaching kids how to report online harassment,
48:29
Speaker 3: getting them to talk to you, getting them to tell
48:32
Speaker 3: their teachers, making sure that the programs that are set
48:35
Speaker 3: up in school, which they try that they try to do,
48:39
Speaker 3: are being held to because they still get around those
48:42
Speaker 3: systems and use things on computers at school. Encouraging your
48:48
Speaker 3: children when they are bullied to screenshot, screenshot, screenshot what
48:53
Speaker 3: is being said, because as you should already know, if
48:56
Speaker 3: you have kids using Snapchat, things are deleted immediately or rased,
49:01
Speaker 3: so if you don't have proof of it, it never happened.
49:05
Speaker 3: And that is one of the hardest things for these
49:07
Speaker 3: kids that are being cyberbullied. If they can't prove that
49:10
Speaker 3: it happened, well sorry, I didn't see it. Setting healthy
49:16
Speaker 3: technology boundaries, telling your kids you can be online from
49:21
Speaker 3: four to six, that's it. If not, the phone gets
49:26
Speaker 3: taken away.
49:28
Speaker 2: It's a tough one. I'm dealing with that right now
49:31
Speaker 2: in my house.
49:33
Speaker 3: Schools and parents, schools and parents working together when online
49:36
Speaker 3: behavior affects school safety, that is a huge one because
49:40
Speaker 3: schools are also responsible when there's issues with cyberbullying because
49:44
Speaker 3: it comes into school. So depending on the situation, if
49:48
Speaker 3: a child is being bullied outside of school and that
49:51
Speaker 3: cyberbullying affects the safety of the child in school, the
49:54
Speaker 3: schools also held for accountability. So as a parent, it
49:58
Speaker 3: is our job to also let the school know if
50:01
Speaker 3: our child is being bullied by another student inside the
50:04
Speaker 3: school and it deals with cyberbullying. So that again is
50:07
Speaker 3: why the screenshots are important. You can tell your kids.
50:14
Speaker 3: Kids don't separate their online world from their school world.
50:17
Speaker 3: When something happens online, they carry it into the classroom.
50:22
Speaker 3: There are programs on your phone, especially if you have
50:24
Speaker 3: Apple where if you have a family plan, if you're
50:29
Speaker 3: the one pain, you can call Apple. You can call Spectrum,
50:33
Speaker 3: you can call Verizon. You can call any one of
50:35
Speaker 3: those systems and they will tell you because the Apple
50:38
Speaker 3: has it. They have a program that you can set
50:42
Speaker 3: up on your phone and you can lock it with
50:45
Speaker 3: a password for each one of your children on certain
50:48
Speaker 3: times of day that they can use their phone. You
50:51
Speaker 3: can lock the phone during the school hours, and that
50:54
Speaker 3: means they do not have access to YouTube. They do
50:57
Speaker 3: not have access to Snapchat. They do not have access
51:00
Speaker 3: to any application whatsoever, not even the Internet. You can
51:05
Speaker 3: also lock out any messages, and you can make it
51:09
Speaker 3: so that the only people that they can talk to
51:11
Speaker 3: are you, your husband, your wife, and immediate family, or
51:17
Speaker 3: the school number, and you can lock that from seven
51:20
Speaker 3: to four o'clock in the afternoon. You can also lock
51:23
Speaker 3: out the phone from ten o'clock at night to eight
51:27
Speaker 3: o'clock in the morning, and they don't have access to anything.
51:30
Speaker 3: You can also put locks on what kind of information
51:34
Speaker 3: they're looking up on the web. They can't look at
51:37
Speaker 3: anything that's eighteen and above. You can set that standard
51:40
Speaker 3: also for music. These are all available on Apple phones.
51:45
Speaker 3: I don't know the information for Google, Google phones, SEMs phones.
51:50
Speaker 3: It probably has the same program, but Apple Phone has
51:53
Speaker 3: had this built into his phone for years now. It's
51:56
Speaker 3: just parents aren't told this something you have to look up.
52:04
Speaker 3: Another way that you can help your kids is listen
52:06
Speaker 3: to your children and take concerns like they're real. We
52:11
Speaker 3: have often will just blow our kids off, like mom,
52:13
Speaker 3: I'm getting bullied, kids calling me names.
52:16
Speaker 2: It's like.
52:19
Speaker 3: A lot of us were brought up in that time
52:20
Speaker 3: where our parents said, suck it up, don't do anything
52:24
Speaker 3: about it. Just you know, they're calling you fat. Who cares?
52:29
Speaker 3: Just it's nothing, You're not fat. Yeah, we have to listen.
52:34
Speaker 4: Now.
52:34
Speaker 3: Kids are more vulnerable this day and age. They weren't
52:38
Speaker 3: brought up the way we are with tough skin, and
52:40
Speaker 3: as much as we want them to have that tough skin,
52:43
Speaker 3: it's a lot harder for them to deal with it.
52:46
Speaker 3: And so that's why we have so much issues with
52:48
Speaker 3: suicide for these teenagers this time. This time around, you
52:55
Speaker 3: have to encourage those open conversations and maybe something you
52:58
Speaker 3: don't want to talk to your child about and maybe
53:00
Speaker 3: you don't think it's the right time. Maybe they need
53:02
Speaker 3: to wait another four or five years. But sometimes those
53:05
Speaker 3: issues they're starting younger. You may need to have that
53:09
Speaker 3: birds and bees talk a lot earlier than you wanted to.
53:13
Speaker 3: But just be open to them and then behind closed doors,
53:16
Speaker 3: have your little cry because honestly, if you don't have
53:20
Speaker 3: that conversation with them now, you don't know what's going
53:22
Speaker 3: to happen next. As a parent, document everything. Have your
53:31
Speaker 3: kids give you the screenshots every communication you have with
53:35
Speaker 3: a teacher and email, put it in your favorites box,
53:38
Speaker 3: Save everything, send and everything sent, and everything given to you, favorites,
53:44
Speaker 3: save it, save it, save it. You never know when
53:47
Speaker 3: you may need this information later to tell somebody that
53:50
Speaker 3: we have a problem and I'm showing you why. And
53:55
Speaker 3: tell your kids it's okay to ask for help and
53:58
Speaker 3: they're not going to be a snitch if they tell you,
54:01
Speaker 3: they're not snitching. They're letting you you know, and they're
54:04
Speaker 3: asking for help. Asking for help is not necessarily a
54:08
Speaker 3: bad thing. It's letting them breathe. These kids are getting anxiety,
54:15
Speaker 3: These kids are falling into depression. These kids are not
54:20
Speaker 3: finding a way out, and it's causing more concern on
54:23
Speaker 3: the inside. And then when you hear about these children
54:26
Speaker 3: that are committing suicide and they parents say I don't
54:29
Speaker 3: know why, and then find out weeks later, months later
54:32
Speaker 3: from other kids or even the school system. Why are
54:38
Speaker 3: they finding out from somebody else and not you. You
54:41
Speaker 3: are the first line of defense for your children. You
54:44
Speaker 3: should be knowing what's going on with them. It doesn't
54:47
Speaker 3: matter if you're working. All you have to do is
54:50
Speaker 3: once a day, say hey, how are you what's going on?
54:56
Speaker 3: And just asking those questions is a love and beyond
55:00
Speaker 3: for a child just to know their parents are listening.
55:06
Speaker 2: You've done a lot of work here. I want to
55:08
Speaker 2: make sure that all of your notes, everything that you've
55:11
Speaker 2: prepared is making its way into this microphone bubble check.
55:22
Speaker 2: Just got a comment here saying I only communicate through
55:25
Speaker 2: email and it's helped me more than ever in my
55:29
Speaker 2: child's bullying case. Yeah. Man, you've got to have transparency.
55:33
Speaker 2: You got to have you got to have proof that
55:36
Speaker 2: it was said, it was heard, it was received.
55:42
Speaker 3: The working parents, you know that the schools are supposed
55:45
Speaker 3: to be there for you, The teachers are supposed to
55:47
Speaker 3: be there for you, and other trusted adults.
55:50
Speaker 4: Can help you.
55:51
Speaker 3: If you are the working parent, try to get your
55:54
Speaker 3: child involved with their aunts, their uncles, a grandparent, that
55:59
Speaker 3: somebody else that they can talk to. That's not your
56:02
Speaker 3: fault for working. You have to put food on the table,
56:04
Speaker 3: you have to make sure you have shelter. Don't ever
56:07
Speaker 3: think it's your fault that your kid is being bullied
56:10
Speaker 3: because you're working, because it's not. You're doing the right
56:14
Speaker 3: thing for your family. But there are other adults in
56:17
Speaker 3: your life that may be able to help you where
56:20
Speaker 3: you can't do the work for your child, get somebody
56:24
Speaker 3: else there to be a mentor. I don't think we
56:26
Speaker 3: have big brother big sister around here anymore. That was
56:29
Speaker 3: a huge that was a huge thing when we were kids,
56:31
Speaker 3: when we had parents there, you know, the Latchkey kids.
56:35
Speaker 3: I had a big sister. I remember going bullying with her.
56:38
Speaker 3: But there's there could be programs again that can help
56:42
Speaker 3: these kids, even college students. There could be other ways
56:47
Speaker 3: that these kids could get help or have groups so
56:51
Speaker 3: they have a safe place or safe space to be.
56:54
Speaker 3: I know that they've talked about that, like there's a
56:57
Speaker 3: there should be like a teen a teen room down here.
57:01
Speaker 3: I believe in Barry, but maybe it needs a little
57:03
Speaker 3: bit of.
57:04
Speaker 2: A don't even get me started on maybe it needs.
57:06
Speaker 3: A fresh pick me up. Maybe that's something that we
57:09
Speaker 3: as parents should talk to someone about and getting a
57:13
Speaker 3: fresh pick me up for this teen center so that
57:16
Speaker 3: the kids have a safe place to go and talk
57:19
Speaker 3: about things.
57:20
Speaker 2: That's been something that's been needed for a very long
57:24
Speaker 2: time in my opinion. And I'm talking about right here,
57:29
Speaker 2: right here. It's accessible by foot. Don't even get me
57:37
Speaker 2: going on that.
57:38
Speaker 3: I think another way, because I can say all this
57:40
Speaker 3: stuff about social media cyberbullying and everything. And I will
57:44
Speaker 3: go back to this. When I first got here two
57:47
Speaker 3: years ago, I said cash up to a lot of
57:49
Speaker 3: people and they're like, what is that? And I know
57:53
Speaker 3: that a lot of people use venmo, like venmo is
57:55
Speaker 3: a way to go out here, and now a lot
57:57
Speaker 3: of people use cash up more. Now we are behind
58:02
Speaker 3: when it comes to technology and Vermont there's nothing wrong
58:05
Speaker 3: with that. You know, we're nice, quiet, smaller society. Maybe
58:09
Speaker 3: we're not very quiet, but we are a smaller society,
58:12
Speaker 3: which means a lot of the adults here are not
58:16
Speaker 3: familiar with a lot of newer technology. So does that
58:20
Speaker 3: mean every parent knows how to use Twitch, Discord, which
58:25
Speaker 3: are all programs for video games. These are all platforms
58:29
Speaker 3: where they can talk to other people. And I say
58:32
Speaker 3: other people, I'm not talking about kids. So a lot
58:37
Speaker 3: of times when your child is online, they are not
58:40
Speaker 3: talking to kids their age. They're talking to adults. They're
58:44
Speaker 3: talking to twenty one year olds. They are talking to
58:46
Speaker 3: people at three o'clock in the morning while you're sleeping,
58:50
Speaker 3: to someone who could be thirty eight years old, and
58:52
Speaker 3: you have no idea the point.
58:55
Speaker 2: Look, look what's been going on in the media about
58:57
Speaker 2: Roadblocks and Zuckerberg have it, you know, having the fire
59:02
Speaker 2: put to them. I mean, there's a lot of stuff
59:04
Speaker 2: that's going on right now.
59:05
Speaker 3: Rodblocks is pushing over towards discord. So I think that
59:09
Speaker 3: another good program would be is having classes on social
59:15
Speaker 3: media for parents, letting them know what these programs are,
59:21
Speaker 3: breaking them down so that they can understand what their
59:24
Speaker 3: kids are doing. It's like, hey, mom, can I get
59:28
Speaker 3: this new video game? Well, we kind of need to
59:31
Speaker 3: know what the video game is because we just buy
59:34
Speaker 3: it for them, and we do kind of like that
59:37
Speaker 3: silence sometimes, sure, because we want to rest too after
59:41
Speaker 3: we're working or we've had a long day. Even parents
59:44
Speaker 3: that stay home, we're at home doing all these other
59:47
Speaker 3: things that no one ever thinks we're doing, and we
59:49
Speaker 3: just want to rest too. With that said, having a
59:54
Speaker 3: way to get that platform out so that even teachers
59:59
Speaker 3: know it's an opportunity for people to know more about
1:00:03
Speaker 3: their social media. It's like everyone goes on TikTok to
1:00:06
Speaker 3: find out what these words are that these kids are
1:00:08
Speaker 3: saying when they're in school. This is another reason why
1:00:12
Speaker 3: we should have these platforms.
1:00:15
Speaker 2: I have to mention this because it's so important and
1:00:20
Speaker 2: it's so pertinent to what we're talking about. But Washington
1:00:23
Speaker 2: County Mental Health, who has been a sponsor here off
1:00:26
Speaker 2: the Aired Out podcast for years long time, they have
1:00:30
Speaker 2: an adult Standing Committee. They call it the Children Youth
1:00:35
Speaker 2: an Adult Standing Committee. It's basically a gathering over at
1:00:39
Speaker 2: the Well Space building right here in Barry on Summer
1:00:42
Speaker 2: Street every second Thursday of the month from four thirty
1:00:49
Speaker 2: until six o'clock. It is free. They get pizza, they
1:00:54
Speaker 2: feed you. If you have kids, you can bring them.
1:00:58
Speaker 2: They'll be with a staff member in the Imagination Station room.
1:01:04
Speaker 2: But the next one that they have is coming up
1:01:07
Speaker 2: on April ninth, And I've got this right here in
1:01:13
Speaker 2: front of me. Strengthen the delivery of services for adults
1:01:18
Speaker 2: experiencing mental health needs in our community through inclusion, understanding,
1:01:22
Speaker 2: fostering collaboration among individuals who live with experience, family members, staff,
1:01:31
Speaker 2: partner agencies, the board of directors. They're all connected in
1:01:36
Speaker 2: with this and it is huge. There's a different theme,
1:01:42
Speaker 2: if you will, that they feature each time they do this,
1:01:49
Speaker 2: whether it's i EPs, whether it's it's bullying. I know
1:01:53
Speaker 2: they've they've they've they've brought in the very city Police
1:01:57
Speaker 2: Department to do a one of their one of their
1:02:02
Speaker 2: Thursdays about bullying alone, so you can also connect in
1:02:07
Speaker 2: and watch this and listen in virtually. So it is
1:02:10
Speaker 2: something that we are always promoting here, will continue to
1:02:14
Speaker 2: as we move closer to April ninth. But that's something
1:02:17
Speaker 2: that you really should check out. Washington County Mentalhealth dot
1:02:21
Speaker 2: org is their their site to have a look at this.
1:02:25
Speaker 2: But this is this is really important stuff. I personally
1:02:30
Speaker 2: would love to see someone like yourself create a group,
1:02:39
Speaker 2: whether it's once a month or whatever. I would promote
1:02:42
Speaker 2: the crap out of it where you can all get
1:02:45
Speaker 2: together and share your stories and help help one another.
1:02:49
Speaker 2: Because a text group is great, but if we can
1:02:53
Speaker 2: all be together looking at each other in the same room,
1:02:57
Speaker 2: that would be amazing. If that's any thing that you
1:03:03
Speaker 2: whatever consider launching, I'm backing you up a thousand percent.
1:03:07
Speaker 3: I'm interested in. I just need a place. I have
1:03:10
Speaker 3: no problem doing something like that where I could have
1:03:13
Speaker 3: a conversation and have parents come in and just have
1:03:16
Speaker 3: a conversation to start and just voice your opinions and
1:03:20
Speaker 3: voice your stories and then we go from there.
1:03:22
Speaker 2: I got a space for you right right here, Okay,
1:03:26
Speaker 2: so let's we'll make it happen. We'll make it happen.
1:03:31
Speaker 2: If it's something that you want to do badly enough
1:03:35
Speaker 2: and we're getting some some thumbs up here from folks,
1:03:39
Speaker 2: I will help make that happen right here my space,
1:03:43
Speaker 2: in this building.
1:03:45
Speaker 3: I knew my space.
1:03:47
Speaker 2: I knew my space.
1:03:49
Speaker 3: Listen, a parent space. There you go.
1:03:52
Speaker 2: There's there's no perfect parent out there. I mean, we
1:03:56
Speaker 2: all have our faults. There's no perfect teacher, there's no
1:04:00
Speaker 2: perfect superintendent, there's no perfect school administrator. But we all
1:04:06
Speaker 2: we all have room for improvement. I think one of
1:04:09
Speaker 2: the biggest things that we need to work on teaching
1:04:14
Speaker 2: our kids, and my God, we work on it. Shrilyn
1:04:17
Speaker 2: and I work on it all the time with Lily
1:04:20
Speaker 2: is instilling a sense of empathy instead of just hearing
1:04:28
Speaker 2: your kid say I don't like that teacher, or that
1:04:32
Speaker 2: teachers mean, or that teacher is not friendly, or this
1:04:35
Speaker 2: other student is a buttthead or whatever. You know, you
1:04:42
Speaker 2: go out to a restaurant and you and you get
1:04:46
Speaker 2: mediocre service from your your your waiter, your waitress, or
1:04:51
Speaker 2: at the grocery store wherever you are, and your kid
1:04:54
Speaker 2: recognizes that. Explain to your kid that that person could
1:05:01
Speaker 2: be a really funny person who loves their job and
1:05:05
Speaker 2: they've got a great personality and a great sense of humor.
1:05:07
Speaker 2: But there might be something going on in their life
1:05:11
Speaker 2: that we don't know about behind the curtain that is
1:05:15
Speaker 2: making them sad or a little disconnected, or making them
1:05:18
Speaker 2: kind of angry. It may not really be who they are.
1:05:25
Speaker 2: It may be just who they are right now. So
1:05:28
Speaker 2: be patient with them and have some empathy. Look beyond
1:05:34
Speaker 2: what you're seeing and hearing right now in front of you,
1:05:37
Speaker 2: and know that maybe they're just having a really bad
1:05:41
Speaker 2: day or a bad moment in their life. Remember when
1:05:47
Speaker 2: we had to put our dog down. You were miserable.
1:05:52
Speaker 2: We were all miserable for weeks. We were not friendly,
1:05:57
Speaker 2: we were quiet, we were depressed, we were sad, We
1:06:02
Speaker 2: were a whole bunch of things. But we didn't walk
1:06:05
Speaker 2: around with a T shirt that says I just put
1:06:08
Speaker 2: my dog down, bear with me here for a couple
1:06:13
Speaker 2: of weeks while I seem like I'm, you know whatever.
1:06:18
Speaker 2: We just need to teach our kids to think outside
1:06:21
Speaker 2: of the box a little bit.
1:06:22
Speaker 3: And.
1:06:25
Speaker 2: They don't have to like everyone, and they don't have
1:06:27
Speaker 2: to be liked by everyone for damn sure, but just
1:06:33
Speaker 2: to look at things a little broader. Sometimes.
1:06:39
Speaker 3: I think my mom is like a perfect example of that,
1:06:42
Speaker 3: or she was because when I look at my sister Christy,
1:06:44
Speaker 3: or I look at my brother Matthew, we can anyone
1:06:47
Speaker 3: of us could walk into a gas station and you
1:06:50
Speaker 3: could see that the person behind the counter, if they're
1:06:52
Speaker 3: having a bad day. I can promise you that my
1:06:55
Speaker 3: sister or my brother I will try to put a
1:06:57
Speaker 3: smile on their face, will make a fight, any comment will,
1:07:01
Speaker 3: We'll say something and tell them have a great day.
1:07:05
Speaker 3: I make a point to say to people, I hope
1:07:08
Speaker 3: you have a great day. And I will say that
1:07:10
Speaker 3: to the people on the phone because those people, those
1:07:14
Speaker 3: people on the phone that you're talking to on Verizon
1:07:17
Speaker 3: or Spectrum, they are having horrible days all the time
1:07:20
Speaker 3: because they have pumped somebody calling in and giving them
1:07:23
Speaker 3: a hard time. But just to hear someone say to
1:07:26
Speaker 3: them have a great day, it throws them off, does
1:07:30
Speaker 3: and it changes their day completely. One smile, one how
1:07:35
Speaker 3: are you doing? Changes a person's day And people don't
1:07:39
Speaker 3: realize that. And it was something my mom always did
1:07:41
Speaker 3: for people, and you could see that person remembers your name.
1:07:47
Speaker 3: That person's happy to see you every time you come in,
1:07:49
Speaker 3: and when you're having a bad day, their smile changes yours.
1:07:57
Speaker 2: I know that that there's some forward movement here with
1:08:04
Speaker 2: regarding your case, your situation with your son. I hope
1:08:12
Speaker 2: you're gonna stay in touch with me. You're gonna text
1:08:15
Speaker 2: me updates and keep me up to date on what's happening.
1:08:21
Speaker 2: And I hope that something really good results out of
1:08:28
Speaker 2: this and that we can we can learn to be
1:08:35
Speaker 2: more patient with each other, but also understand that we
1:08:47
Speaker 2: also need to learn to put our foot down too,
1:08:50
Speaker 2: and there are times when we as adults need to
1:08:57
Speaker 2: say I'm just not going to tolerate this anymore. I'm
1:09:03
Speaker 2: not gonna look the other way. I'm going to get
1:09:05
Speaker 2: involved here, and I'm going to do what I have
1:09:08
Speaker 2: to do as a parent to protect my kid and
1:09:14
Speaker 2: to prevent this from from happening. And I think you're
1:09:22
Speaker 2: I think you're doing a great job of that, and
1:09:24
Speaker 2: I commend you because you are so brave to come
1:09:29
Speaker 2: in here and have a conversation like this. I hope
1:09:35
Speaker 2: things start turning around and that you've got some good
1:09:40
Speaker 2: news coming my way here in the next couple of
1:09:44
Speaker 2: weeks or so. I know that you're you're not going
1:09:49
Speaker 2: to stand down and turn and give up on this,
1:09:54
Speaker 2: and that's that's really admirable. I wish we had more
1:09:59
Speaker 2: parents out there that were like that. I think you're
1:10:04
Speaker 2: doing a hell of a job, and I think you're
1:10:05
Speaker 2: very brave for coming in here and talking about this
1:10:09
Speaker 2: the subject matter. I wish more parents would do the same.
1:10:14
Speaker 3: I want to thank you JD for having me here
1:10:15
Speaker 3: today again. I also think that there's a lot of
1:10:18
Speaker 3: parents out there. I mean, I know that they share
1:10:20
Speaker 3: their thoughts on the bury page, the chat page all
1:10:24
Speaker 3: the time. You can see people talking about what's going
1:10:26
Speaker 3: on with the schools. Oh yeah, specifically this last incident
1:10:30
Speaker 3: that happened this past week and a half and it
1:10:33
Speaker 3: affected a lot of people when the emails were sent out.
1:10:36
Speaker 3: I'm not going to get into specifics because it's not
1:10:40
Speaker 3: that's not what this conversation is about today. But what
1:10:43
Speaker 3: I do want to say is that you know, at
1:10:46
Speaker 3: the end of the day, every parent wants their child
1:10:48
Speaker 3: to be safe when they're going to school, no matter
1:10:52
Speaker 3: the situation that it is. They want to make sure
1:10:54
Speaker 3: there's child is safe in school and because of that,
1:10:58
Speaker 3: we need to start that conversation now and find ways
1:11:01
Speaker 3: to fix that situation. As parents, we are the first
1:11:05
Speaker 3: line and we need that conversation started with the school system.
1:11:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right, for sure, keep that conversation going, keep
1:11:19
Speaker 2: us up to speed on what's happening.
1:11:21
Speaker 3: And let's start that conversation here as an outlet, like
1:11:24
Speaker 3: JD said, so let's make that happen.
1:11:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, good stuff. Thank you, Hope, Hope Garcia, thanks for
1:11:31
Speaker 2: coming in here, Thanks for having this chat with us
1:11:34
Speaker 2: this morning.
1:11:34
Speaker 3: Thank you JD.
1:11:35
Speaker 2: And will you come back. Sure, we'll do another update.
1:11:40
Speaker 2: All right, have a fabulous rest of your day, you too.
1:11:44
Speaker 2: All right, thanks Hope.
1:12:11
Speaker 4: I'm following youth, I'm follow you, don't follow you.
1:12:56
Speaker 2: Yes to the count.
1:13:03
Speaker 1: And the adad to recut, to the town fight to
1:13:09
Speaker 1: tod the can, the town fight to
1:13:16
Speaker 4: Grad, to put