Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 197: Ten Things to Start Doing in 2026 for More Joy & Peace

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197: Ten Things to Start Doing in 2026 for More Joy & Peace · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and today I wanna share with you 10 things to start doing in 2026 to bring you more joy and peace.
• 0:30
  Last week I shared 10 things to stop doing, so if you haven't listened to last week, go ahead and do that and add it to your queue.
• 0:37
  But if you have started the process of stopping those things, it will naturally lead into starting these things, and I get it that while all of the things I'm gonna share with you today, they're going to sound really simple, and yes, they are simple, but that doesn't always mean that it's easy.
• 0:52
  Especially if you're a highly sensitive person or recovering people pleaser.
• 0:55
  So if that is you, be patient with yourself.
• 0:58
  It takes time to create a new habit, and more than likely, you've been showing up one way your entire life, and it's served you reasonably well, right?
• 1:07
  You are here listening now because you're starting to realize that, okay, yeah, that served me for a while, but I need something more right now.
• 1:14
  I need some change.
• 1:15
  You are tired.
• 1:16
  You want your needs to also be met in a relationship.
• 1:19
  You want to create change, and that's a beautiful thing.
• 1:22
  and also I want you to know that as you make these small and simple changes, it seems to have a ripple effect that causes change not only inside of you, but it ripples out into your world and your relationships.
• 1:32
  So as you listen, I want you to pick just one or two changes to really integrate this year.
• 1:36
  or maybe a really hardcore, and you wanna find one thing to integrate each month of this year.
• 1:41
  If that's you, make sure you book mark it so you can come back and re-listen.
• 1:44
  But don't hold yourself to the standard that you must integrate all of these things at the same time.
• 1:48
  You are your own guru and you know where it is that you need to invest your time and energy in order to create the change that you're seeking.
• 1:55
  And of course, if you'd like help and support making that change, I am here to help and I am just an email away.
• 2:00
  So with that, let's go ahead and dive into my list for 10 things to start doing, if you aren't already, in 2026.
• 2:07
  Number one, start checking in with yourself before you say yes.
• 2:11
  More than likely your response to a request, it's become automatic over time.
• 2:15
  You instantly say yes, and then you check your calendar and work to rearrange it so that you can make the thing happen.
• 2:21
  You probably have the belief that, no, if there's any way I can say yes, then I should say yes.
• 2:25
  So I'll just figure out the details later.
• 2:27
  Now, this year, I want you to start checking in with yourself first.
• 2:31
  And let me explain what I mean by that.
• 2:33
  I do not just mean checking your calendar, though, that is a good place to start.
• 2:37
  But I also want you to check in with your energy level, with your heart.
• 2:41
  See if you can identify what it is you'd be saying"no" to if you said"yes" to this thing.
• 2:46
  For example, would you be saying no to your one free weekend this month if you said yes, and what would the impact of that be?
• 2:53
  Are you wanting every weekend to be filled, or do you need that time to recharge and to find your center again?
• 3:00
  If you say yes to taking them to or from the airport, would that be taking away from the leave that you've been wanting to set aside for that special getaway?
• 3:06
  Or do you actually have the free time and you want to have that time to visit with your friend?
• 3:11
  Tune in with your mind, body, heart, and calendar before you say yes.
• 3:16
  And also, just so you know, you don't have to tell the other person that you're checking in on all of those things first.
• 3:22
  It's okay to just say, Hey, can I get back to you on that?
• 3:24
  And then take some time to check in with you.
• 3:28
  Number two, start honoring your energy instead of pushing through it.
• 3:31
  So many people have been conditioned to believe that their worth is tied to their level of productivity, and that can make rest feel so hard.
• 3:38
  And I totally get it.
• 3:41
  We bought a fixer upper and when we had contractors coming and going, then I felt really guilty if they walked through the kitchen, for example, when I was grabbing a snack or if they walked through the living room when I was sitting down to read a book.
• 3:52
  Because in my mind I thought, oh no, they're working so I should be working.
• 3:56
  Right?
• 3:57
  I've also talked with a lot of clients who jump up the second that their partner walks into the room much like they did when their parent came home from work when they were a child.
• 4:04
  But guess what?
• 4:06
  While it is okay to power through every now and then when you make powering through your default setting, it actually slows you down.
• 4:12
  More than likely it's going to eventually lead to sickness, to body pain, or to injury.
• 4:17
  So you can either choose to rest now or your body will compel you to rest later.
• 4:23
  It is actually significantly more productive to build in times throughout your day when you can genuinely rest and rejuvenate yourself.
• 4:30
  So that might look like taking a walk on your lunch break.
• 4:32
  It might look like calling a friend for a little pick me up.
• 4:35
  Or it might look like just going outside and enjoying nature or your garden, But take a moment to check in with yourself and allow yourself to experience real rest rather than just powering through while you're wearing pajamas and pretending that you're resting when you're actually working.
• 4:49
  All right, number three, start allowing discomfort to be a part of your personal growth.
• 4:54
  There are so many emotions that we attempt to ignore as humans.
• 4:58
  And guess what?
• 4:59
  It is that avoidance of negative emotions that's keeping us stuck.
• 5:03
  For example, this morning during my home workout, I almost quit halfway through.
• 5:07
  I was tired.
• 5:08
  It was uncomfortable, and I tried to bargain with myself.
• 5:11
  I said, oh, it's okay.
• 5:12
  I'll just kind of, you know, skip my snack for the day so I can adjust my calories.
• 5:15
  It'll be fine.
• 5:16
  It won't make that much of a difference.
• 5:18
  Then I caught myself and I said, oh, wait a second.
• 5:21
  No, no, no.
• 5:22
  That's not how this works.
• 5:23
  I had to get really honest with myself and ask myself, okay, do I just wanna be thin or do I wanna be really fit and healthy and strong?
• 5:30
  Do I wanna have definition?
• 5:32
  And I decided, you know what?
• 5:33
  That's what I actually want.
• 5:34
  I want to be strong.
• 5:35
  I want to have definition.
• 5:37
  I actually want to do my workout, even though it is uncomfortable.
• 5:42
  So I kept moving through the discomfort knowing that the more I do keep showing up through discomfort, even though I am uncomfortable, then I will actually get stronger the more I go and I'll be less uncomfortable moving forward.
• 5:54
  And that is true with so many things.
• 5:56
  We have to face the discomfort and order to get to the other side.
• 5:59
  So this might be feeling a little bit uncomfortable as you update your resume and apply for that new job.
• 6:04
  It might be the awkwardness that we can feel\ when we're developing a new adult friendship and we wanna know if they wanna be friends with us or not.
• 6:11
  It might be insecurity when it comes to learning a new instrument or auditioning for that play.
• 6:15
  Something that you've never done before and now later in life you think, you know what?
• 6:19
  I really wanna do that.
• 6:20
  It can be very uncomfortable.
• 6:22
  So think about what it is that you wanna create this year, and then think about what uncomfortable feeling you are willing to experience in order to make that happen.
• 6:31
  Start to see discomfort as a sign of personal growth.
• 6:36
  All right.
• 6:36
  Number four, start to notice that sometimes you feel guilty even when you haven't done anything wrong.
• 6:41
  Feeling guilty does not mean that you've done anything wrong.
• 6:45
  I mean, yeah, if you've actually done something wrong or harmful, apologize and make it right.
• 6:50
  And also, sometimes, especially if you're someone who has been conditioned to be the helper, the healer, or the people pleaser, the one who makes everybody feel good, it's really easy to assume that if somebody doesn't feel good that you failed, it's your fault.
• 7:04
  You have done something wrong.
• 7:06
  And this is especially true for people pleasers when they tell somebody no, and then the other person is upset by that.
• 7:12
  In fact, this is such a big issue for so many of my clients that I have an entire episode dedicated to separating out guilt from discomfort for highly sensitive people.
• 7:21
  That episode will be dropping next week, so make sure that you're subscribed so that you can be the first to hear that episode.
• 7:26
  But for today, I want you to start noticing that maybe you might be over owning your piece in somebody else's discomfort and start to separate out They feel bad" from,"I must have done something bad," because those two things are not necessarily the same.
• 7:41
  All right, number five, start speaking your needs.
• 7:44
  Without overexplaining, you do not need to have a perfect script in order to get your needs met.
• 7:50
  Practice making small requests and just see how it goes.
• 7:54
  Oftentimes, highly sensitive people, they feel the need to justify their needs.
• 7:58
  They have this belief that their reason must be good enough in order to get their needs met.
• 8:03
  But really your needs and even your wants, they are a hundred percent valid.
• 8:09
  If somebody wants to address something right away and you actually need time to think about it, it's okay to say, I'm gonna need some time to think about this.
• 8:15
  Can we revisit this later today?
• 8:17
  If you're exhausted and you can't think clearly, it's okay to say, I really need more time to rest in order to be able to communicate more clearly.
• 8:23
  Can we chat about this tomorrow?
• 8:25
  Practice stating your needs in one to two sentences.
• 8:29
  You do not need to justify your needs to anyone in order to make a request to have your needs met.
• 8:35
  All right, number six, start choosing peace over approval.
• 8:40
  Not everybody has to understand your choices in order for your choices to be right.
• 8:44
  Many of you have the belief that, well, if I can just win everybody over, if I can just gain their approval, if I can just be accepted by everybody, then I will experience peace.
• 8:53
  But more often when the goal is seeking approval, then it actually creates less peace for us rather than more.
• 9:01
  Imagine for a moment that you are a cookie, what kind of cookie would you be?
• 9:05
  I think that I would be a snickerdoodle, but guess what not everybody likes snickerdoodles, and it doesn't matter how much I try to convince somebody that, oh my gosh, snickerdoodles are the most amazing cookie in the world.
• 9:16
  They're just gonna like what they like, and I'm not gonna sway them into believing you know, if there's somebody that doesn't like cinnamon, for example, they're just not gonna like snickerdoodles, and that's okay.
• 9:25
  Now I could try to figure out what kind of cookie they do like and try to become that, right?
• 9:30
  I could say, oh, let's see.
• 9:31
  It sounds like they like chocolate chip cookies.
• 9:32
  Okay, I'm gonna mix in some chocolate chips.
• 9:35
  or maybe they prefer lemon bars, so I could add some lemon juice into the batch.
• 9:39
  But the truth is that I'm a snickerdoodle.
• 9:41
  And if I'm adding in chocolate chips and lemons into the snickerdoodle, first of all, nobody's gonna have any idea what kind of a cookie I actually am.
• 9:48
  It's gonna make it way harder to find my people.
• 9:50
  And also it's probably not gonna taste very good, right?
• 9:53
  I'm making myself into this very interesting mess, trying to please one person when really there's a lot of people like snickerdoodles.
• 10:01
  So when I'm trying to mix in all these things in order to please other people, and in order to gain acceptance, I am now out of alignment with who I actually am.
• 10:09
  I'm a snickerdoodle, and if I start to prioritize peace over the belief that peace will come if I can just get everybody else in the world to love snickerdoodles, then that's when I'm gonna actually start to experience real peace.
• 10:20
  Now if this does resonate with you, I do have an episode from way back in the beginning.
• 10:24
  It's called, you are Not For Everyone, and that's okay.
• 10:26
  I will link that in the show notes.
• 10:28
  But for today, I want you to start to notice where you might be prioritizing acceptance and start to prioritize peace instead.
• 10:36
  Number seven, start releasing the roles that are keeping you small.
• 10:41
  roles like the helper, the fixer, and the peacemaker...
• 10:44
  they are not your only identities.
• 10:45
  Yes, they may be a part of who you are, but they can be limiting when those are the only ways that we identify.
• 10:51
  And sometimes, yes, these roles are going to serve you, and other times they will not serve you.
• 10:57
  For example, if I only ever took on the role of the helper, then it would be really hard for me to make money in my business.
• 11:04
  So.
• 11:05
  In order to make money as a helper, I must also wear the hat of the entrepreneur.
• 11:10
  If I were only wearing the hat of the fixer, then I might find myself forever in the role of over owning conflict and always being the one to initiate repair, which is gonna make me be carrying the load of the accountability and other people aren't going to be quite as accountable, right?
• 11:23
  It's not gonna be balanced.
• 11:24
  It's not gonna be as fulfilling.
• 11:26
  And while, yes, that role can be helpful, it is also helpful to tap into the role of coach rather than fixer.
• 11:34
  Essentially allowing other people to figure out how to solve their own problems rather than fixing everything for them, which can create dependency rather than growth.
• 11:43
  If I only wore the hat of peacemaker, I might be missing opportunities to speak up and be an advocate for change.
• 11:51
  There is nothing wrong with the role that you're currently serving in, and also if you're limiting yourself to only one role, you might be keeping yourself small.
• 12:00
  Number eight, start trusting those small inner nudges.
• 12:03
  Many of you are as kind and sensitive as you are because you've been hurt or wounded in some way.
• 12:08
  Your sensitivity is such a gift.
• 12:11
  And also, for many of you, these wounds have caused you to question your own intuition.
• 12:16
  You think, well, that didn't work out for me.
• 12:18
  I must not be able to trust myself.
• 12:20
  But guess what?
• 12:21
  Now you know better! And others treating you poorly is about them.
• 12:24
  It's not about you.
• 12:26
  I kind of debated sharing this story on the podcast, and I'm not gonna expand on it much in this episode, but I think it might be important to share here.
• 12:33
  A while back I was conned.
• 12:36
  I was led to believe that this person who wanted to go into business with me had connections and resources that would really help me to make a difference in the world.
• 12:43
  And it turns out he was a conman.
• 12:46
  In fact, he recently spent time in jail for fraud.
• 12:49
  And when I discovered that he wasn't who he said he was, I started to question myself and my intuition.
• 12:55
  I felt used, manipulated.
• 12:57
  I felt like I couldn't trust myself.
• 12:59
  But guess what?
• 13:01
  As I really reflected on it, I realized that there are ways that I was actually using my intuition even when I was being manipulated.
• 13:08
  For example, for some reason I just made a decision early on that, okay, I'm going to choose to invest in this business partnership with my time, my energy, my platform.
• 13:16
  I'm gonna invest in those ways.
• 13:18
  I'm not going to be putting money on the table because he has enough financial resources.
• 13:22
  Right.
• 13:22
  That's such a blessing that I followed that.
• 13:24
  I also really didn't want him to know where I lived.
• 13:26
  I kept that private, so I kept everything professional.
• 13:29
  And those intuitive decisions, they actually ended up benefiting me quite well in that situation.
• 13:34
  I also came to realize that I really want to be a person who is trusting and assumes the best of others.
• 13:39
  I do not want that quality to change about me.
• 13:41
  I love that about me.
• 13:43
  And while, yes, I am using the lessons that I learned throughout that attempted partnership as a guide to kind of know better what to look for moving forward, I refuse to beat myself up for being somebody else's manipulation.
• 13:54
  I refuse to make my intuition the problem.
• 13:57
  I refuse to make how it is that I show up in the world a problem.
• 14:01
  Somebody else made a decision, and yes, it had impact on me, but that is about them.
• 14:05
  It's not about me.
• 14:06
  Your intuition is not the problem.
• 14:09
  You have learned and you are learning through your experiences, and it is safe and okay to start practicing tuning into that intuition again.
• 14:18
  Number nine, start allowing joy without feeling like you have to earn it.
• 14:22
  Have you heard the episode that I did on Choosing Joy with Natalie King?
• 14:25
  It's episode 188.
• 14:27
  It is absolutely hands down one of my all-time favorite episodes.
• 14:30
  And yes, I will have that linked in the show notes, So come and check it out.
• 14:33
  But guess what?
• 14:34
  You are allowed to experience joy.
• 14:37
  Yes, you are allowed to experience joy.
• 14:39
  Even when there's so much pain and heartache happening around the world.
• 14:42
  I know how hard it can be to be both informed and joyful right now.
• 14:46
  But allow yourself to experience those little pockets of joy as they come.
• 14:50
  It is those little moments of joy that inoculate us against the hard and help us to endure those hard times.
• 14:57
  I was recently talking with a friend and she said that she had been on the most beautiful hike that day, and it brought her so much peace and so much joy, and she had such gorgeous photos, but she felt guilty sharing them because there's so much hardness and brutality happening in the world right now, and she didn't want her joy to diminish other people's hard by sharing.
• 15:16
  But guess what?
• 15:17
  Both of those things can be true at the same time.
• 15:20
  It can be beautiful outside and it can be hard.
• 15:23
  You can be safe and dancing for five minutes in your kitchen, allowing for joy, and other people can be struggling at the same time.
• 15:31
  And not only that, but you do not have to earn joy to experience it.
• 15:35
  While there is a joy that comes from a job well done, you do not have to delay your joy until you've earned it.
• 15:40
  Okay?
• 15:41
  You can practice accessing joy now.
• 15:44
  We need it now more than ever, and we need you to share your joy now more than ever.
• 15:48
  So cultivate it, share it, and seriously come and listen to episode 188 with Natalie King.
• 15:53
  You won't regret it.
• 15:55
  Alright, and then number 10, start practicing compassion towards past versions of you.
• 16:01
  Years ago, I was coaching somebody who was really stuck in a shame cycle, and that session has always stuck with me.
• 16:08
  She had been doing so much inner work.
• 16:10
  She had been practicing kindness, communication, respect for others, and for self.
• 16:14
  She had been practicing boundaries.
• 16:15
  She had become like a zen monk.
• 16:17
  She had had amazing growth and then she found herself triggered.
• 16:23
  She lost her temper.
• 16:24
  She became upset with her partner and she really unleashed on him.
• 16:28
  And now she felt horrible and she couldn't get out.
• 16:30
  And she was actually over owning her piece in that conflict.
• 16:35
  And for her, she felt like, Ugh.
• 16:37
  Now I have just set myself back years.
• 16:39
  All of those years of practice, it's for not because I failed now.
• 16:43
  I've messed up.
• 16:44
  It doesn't count.
• 16:46
  The shame was intense.
• 16:47
  And as we talked to her, I asked her, I said, okay.
• 16:50
  So tell me a little bit more about that conversation with your partner, the heated one where you yelled and you felt out of alignment.
• 16:55
  How long was that conversation?
• 16:57
  And she said, well.
• 16:59
  It was about 10 minutes, and I said, okay, so how about if we reframe your thought a little bit.
• 17:05
  Instead of having that thought, that's not serving you that, okay, well I failed and I'm just a bad person now.
• 17:11
  How about if we switch that into, yeah, I was a pretty big jerk for about 10 minutes in the last few years.
• 17:17
  Now when I said that, I could see her visibly relax.
• 17:21
  So notice for yourself, are you focusing on the 10 minutes where you were out of alignment and ignoring all of the progress that you've made?
• 17:29
  If so, spend some time extending that self-compassion towards the version of you that, first of all, felt compelled to lash out or to make that mistake, right?
• 17:37
  Like, like, yeah, there was some reason why you felt compelled to act that way, and also, you are learning from it.
• 17:43
  You are growing.
• 17:44
  You are not that version anymore.
• 17:45
  Allow yourself to move on from that.
• 17:48
  You do not have to stay in that shame cycle.
• 17:51
  You are making progress.
• 17:53
  And honestly, that's one of my most favorite things about coaching is being a witness to individual growth and reminding my clients how far they've actually come.
• 18:02
  So there they are, 10 things to start doing in 2026.
• 18:06
  I'm very curious which one stood out most to you, and if you would really like help and support making that thing that really stood out to you a part of your daily life, then click the show notes and come and book a free clarity call with me and let's see if coaching with me might be a good fit for you.
• 18:20
  Also, if you are looking for more free support, come and join my weekly newsletter.
• 18:24
  In this weekly newsletter, I'm able to share more tips and tricks as well as let you know about my current offerings and availability.
• 18:30
  So click the link in the show notes to join now, I would love to connect with you further.
• 18:34
  And again, remember that you do not need to do all 10 of these all at once.
• 18:37
  Pick just one or two and see how your life changes and how things open up for you.
• 18:41
  You have got this.
• 18:42
  I hope you have a great week, and let's talk soon.
• 18:44
  All right, talk to you later.
• 18:45
  Bye now.