Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #790 Parental Guidance Finale - Australia's Best Parenting Style

Transcript

#790 Parental Guidance Finale - Australia's Best Parenting Style · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers now Well.
0:11
Speaker 2: Parental Guidance Season two is finished. Hello, I'm doctor Justin Coilson.
0:16
Speaker 2: I'm here with Kylie, my wife Mon who has six kids,
0:18
Speaker 2: and Kylie. Our conversation today is all about what happened
0:21
Speaker 2: on the TV last night and how much fun this
0:24
Speaker 2: TV show is Parental Guidance. For those of you who
0:27
Speaker 2: have missed it, you can catch it on nine now,
0:29
Speaker 2: But there are going to be spoiler alerts all the
0:31
Speaker 2: way through this podcast episode, So if you do plan
0:34
Speaker 2: on seeing it and you haven't yet watched the finale,
0:38
Speaker 2: don't listen to this podcast until you've watched the show.
0:42
Speaker 3: So the other morning, I was having a conversation with
0:44
Speaker 3: miss Emily, a nine year old, and she had She
0:50
Speaker 3: came out with the funniest line and I really wanted
0:53
Speaker 3: to get her voice saying it. I have a recording.
0:56
Speaker 3: It is a repeat. I asked her to repeat what
0:59
Speaker 3: she said. It does sound a bit staged, but this
1:02
Speaker 3: was one hundred percent how this conversation went.
1:06
Speaker 2: So, em are you loving Parental Guidance? Yeah? Who are
1:11
Speaker 2: your favorite parents?
1:13
Speaker 1: Probably the slowing gentle ones.
1:18
Speaker 2: Are we slow and gentle?
1:20
Speaker 3: No, definitely not not. I mean, we love hanging out
1:25
Speaker 3: with our kids. You're not snails sly, you're cheaterah fast.
1:31
Speaker 2: For you, so parental guidances, cheata fast, honey, cheetah fast.
1:39
Speaker 2: What's interesting to me about that is that our children
1:41
Speaker 2: are not perceiving us as slow or gentle, and I
1:43
Speaker 2: would have thought that, I would have thought we fit
1:45
Speaker 2: into those categories pretty well. I mean, I see a
1:48
Speaker 2: bit of slow parenting in us. No, a bit of
1:51
Speaker 2: gentle parenting.
1:52
Speaker 3: In me maybe.
1:55
Speaker 2: All right, So, with the cuteness overload out of the way,
1:58
Speaker 2: I think that there's a couple of things to talk
2:00
Speaker 2: about from last night's finale. First off, a couple. Okay,
2:03
Speaker 2: there's about eighteen things. Look, we've got a year's worth
2:05
Speaker 2: of podcast content from this show, honestly, but we're going
2:08
Speaker 2: to try and do it in the next sort of
2:09
Speaker 2: ten to fifteen minutes or so. First off, here comes
2:12
Speaker 2: the biggest spoiler of the night. The show does ultimately
2:15
Speaker 2: lead towards having a winner. Now, this is something that
2:18
Speaker 2: social media people get really upset about. Why does it
2:20
Speaker 2: have to have a winner? We don't need a winner
2:21
Speaker 2: on this show, like, just let's enjoy the parenting and
2:24
Speaker 2: we don't make a big deal about the winning at all.
2:27
Speaker 2: It's not about the best parenting style.
2:29
Speaker 3: I really love how the show does it though. It's
2:31
Speaker 3: about acknowledging the family that's given us the most parental guidance.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, the parents in the room, they're the ones who decide.
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Speaker 2: We really just loved learning from this person or watching
2:42
Speaker 2: this person of this family.
2:44
Speaker 3: So the end of the day, it's really about the
2:45
Speaker 3: style they bring to the table that gives us opportunity
2:51
Speaker 3: to learn and grow and have discussion.
2:55
Speaker 2: And in so many ways, pretty much every family that
2:57
Speaker 2: was there brought something to the table that was fascinating
2:58
Speaker 2: and they contributed to the conversation in really meaningful ways.
3:01
Speaker 2: So any of them could have ended up being the
3:03
Speaker 2: quote unquote winner. As it happens, this is what the
3:06
Speaker 2: outcome was.
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Speaker 4: Guess what the votes are in voted by you. The
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Speaker 4: best parenting style is Cat, honest, and everyone was thrilled.
3:36
Speaker 2: But I think that almost any family could have gotten
3:39
Speaker 2: the same level of thrill as people got when it
3:42
Speaker 2: came to Cat being the winner. I cannot believe that.
3:49
Speaker 5: I am so grateful You're awesome.
3:53
Speaker 3: But again, I think there was this collective energy in
3:56
Speaker 3: the room. I mean, I wasn't there, so I'm going
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Speaker 3: on what I see, but I would say you would
4:01
Speaker 3: say the same thing. Everyone was stoked like it wasn't
4:06
Speaker 3: like I can't believe they know she got voted in
4:10
Speaker 3: or that we missed out. There was just a collective energy.
4:14
Speaker 3: This has been such an amazing experience and I have
4:17
Speaker 3: learnt so much.
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Speaker 2: And people even said that this has been a once
4:21
Speaker 2: in a lifetime experience.
4:22
Speaker 6: I've learned about my.
4:23
Speaker 3: Children, how strong they are, and also the fact that
4:26
Speaker 3: my wife is just an incredible human being.
4:28
Speaker 6: I would never change it.
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Speaker 1: It's definitely something that will treasure forever.
4:33
Speaker 2: So Kylie, great experience to watch, great experience to participating
4:38
Speaker 2: across the board. What I want to highlight as we
4:41
Speaker 2: talk about a couple of the challenges that happened last night,
4:42
Speaker 2: I mean, there's some big talking points to come out
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Speaker 2: of the season finale.
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Speaker 3: Since this is the podcast for the time, poor parent,
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Speaker 3: I'm wondering where you're going to take us with this
4:49
Speaker 3: because we could be here for a long time.
4:53
Speaker 2: I do want to be brief, but I want to
4:54
Speaker 2: bring everything back to a specific framework. So my new book,
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Speaker 2: The Parenting Revolution is all about the framework that helps
5:00
Speaker 2: us to guide our children successfully. And in that book
5:04
Speaker 2: I talk about a couple of different leavers that we
5:06
Speaker 2: can pull. The first one is the lever of relationship. Okay,
5:10
Speaker 2: so this is how warm we are and how nurturing
5:13
Speaker 2: and how connected, whether we help our kids to feel seen,
5:15
Speaker 2: hurt and valued. I think that it's pretty safe to
5:18
Speaker 2: say that across the board, these families were consistently positively
5:23
Speaker 2: involved during all of the challenges. Now there are a
5:26
Speaker 2: few moments where tensions got pretty high, and the more
5:29
Speaker 2: competitive families saw the mirror held up and they saw
5:33
Speaker 2: that they saw and heard how they look and sound.
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Speaker 2: When they're getting so caught up in it, the relationship
5:38
Speaker 2: suffers because we've got to achieve the goal.
5:41
Speaker 7: It didn't look like elfe after at all.
5:43
Speaker 2: It just looked like a bunch of pipes all tied together.
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Speaker 7: I think we broove it over to them.
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Speaker 8: Oh the way, child, pay attention you my orror. How
5:54
Speaker 8: it's dipped this way. It's always like this and pulling,
5:56
Speaker 8: going backwards, pulling. Can you please not naw the gate side?
6:01
Speaker 9: Okay?
6:02
Speaker 3: Going to shushs shushes.
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Speaker 2: The important thing to me here is not to shame
6:06
Speaker 2: any families, because every single one of us has been there,
6:08
Speaker 2: We've all had exactly that experience. But rather it's to
6:12
Speaker 2: highlight how when you get to see it and hear it,
6:15
Speaker 2: you realize what you're doing insane. And there was an
6:18
Speaker 2: acknowledgment from several parents that on g seeing the way
6:22
Speaker 2: we are, we need to change.
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Speaker 8: I realized when I watched that that I wasn't all
6:26
Speaker 8: that nice. I was completely out of my depth. But yeah, no,
6:30
Speaker 8: I think we could work on that.
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Speaker 4: I've given him instruction most of his life, you know,
6:34
Speaker 4: in terms of also coaching him on the field, but
6:37
Speaker 4: my tone of voice could be different.
6:39
Speaker 2: That was a bit eye opener for me.
6:41
Speaker 5: What I said was, don't be a wiss But really,
6:43
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, it is something to
6:44
Speaker 5: be ashamed of being a little bit softer. I'm big
6:47
Speaker 5: on reflection.
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Speaker 3: That won't come out my mouth again. And that's the
6:50
Speaker 3: power of being able to have that mirror held up
6:52
Speaker 3: to you. Because in the moment, neither of those families
6:56
Speaker 3: thought that there was anything wrong with what was going on.
6:58
Speaker 2: No awareness of it. That's right. It seemed so perfectly justified.
7:01
Speaker 2: In fact, we've had an incident in our home just
7:04
Speaker 2: recently where I did that like we all do it.
7:08
Speaker 2: I know that I did that. I felt like it
7:10
Speaker 2: was necessary. But I'll tell you what, if I was
7:12
Speaker 2: to watch a video of me having the conversation that
7:14
Speaker 2: I had with a couple of our kids, if I
7:17
Speaker 2: were to watched that back, I would hang my head
7:19
Speaker 2: in shame. I know it. But in the moment, it
7:21
Speaker 2: felt right, it felt necessary, completely justified. That's the first leaver,
7:27
Speaker 2: the relationship lever, and for the most part, like I said,
7:30
Speaker 2: everybody's really in in beautiful ways in the relationship. The
7:33
Speaker 2: second leave, though, is the lever of control versus support,
7:39
Speaker 2: and this is where things get interesting. The whole show
7:43
Speaker 2: is actually a show about to what extent do you
7:46
Speaker 2: control your kids when they've got to help you to
7:49
Speaker 2: reverse park the car, or when they've got to face
7:51
Speaker 2: their fears, or no matter what it is, there's so
7:54
Speaker 2: much about this show that is just about how we
7:56
Speaker 2: control our kids, whether they're going to eat the food,
7:58
Speaker 2: show some self regulation and evacuate the house regardless, it's
8:02
Speaker 2: all about control. What about what happened with the orienteering
8:06
Speaker 2: last night? With the Teen Parents.
8:08
Speaker 5: Mark always says, you know, I go off the sun.
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Speaker 8: I can get us anywhere.
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Speaker 2: I know what time it is.
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Speaker 3: I don't need a watch.
8:14
Speaker 7: I'll give you a tip.
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Speaker 2: That's northeach, I'm pretty sure we go this way.
8:18
Speaker 3: That's this way.
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Speaker 9: Look at the calculator.
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Speaker 2: Matthew got that compass and he was like, yep, that's
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Speaker 2: where we're heading. Mark, I'm right, we're heading that way.
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Speaker 2: It's this way.
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Speaker 5: We're heading over that way.
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Speaker 2: But I made a coach's call to override him.
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Speaker 5: Heykay T, it's amazing.
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Speaker 8: It is the way I said.
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Speaker 7: At the start, indvertently that coach's call was wrong.
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Speaker 2: He shuddered.
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Speaker 5: No, no, he won't.
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Speaker 6: He won't be the same.
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Speaker 5: His ego is ruined for the day.
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Speaker 7: I swallowed my pride and I followed.
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Speaker 3: In the end, As I was watching that experience, it
8:54
Speaker 3: reminded me of a quote. It's actually how you finish
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Speaker 3: your book, The Parenting Revolution. Okay, and you say, what
9:02
Speaker 3: is a good parent? In so many ways? None of
9:05
Speaker 3: us are. We all fail miserably in our efforts to
9:08
Speaker 3: raise our children well. It is, as Freud suggested, an
9:11
Speaker 3: impossible task. In so many other ways, all of us
9:15
Speaker 3: are good parents. We do the best we can with
9:17
Speaker 3: what we know. We invest, we are involved, we develop boundaries, structures,
9:21
Speaker 3: and expectations. We work hard at it, and we love,
9:24
Speaker 3: oh how we love, perhaps more than anything. A good
9:27
Speaker 3: parent is one who gives a child with loving structure, guidance,
9:31
Speaker 3: and support their voice. Oh and the trust and freedom
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Speaker 3: follow it.
9:37
Speaker 2: Did I write that?
9:39
Speaker 6: Wow?
9:39
Speaker 3: And each time we've had the opportunity to see this
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Speaker 3: play out on the screen, I think about the times
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Speaker 3: in my own parenting journey where I have squashed my
9:50
Speaker 3: children's boys, or in my own childhood experiences, felt like
9:54
Speaker 3: I didn't have a voice, And that quote just keeps
9:58
Speaker 3: replaying in my mind. If we want to be good parents,
10:02
Speaker 3: it's actually about giving our children a voice.
10:06
Speaker 2: So we've talked about the team parents and the way
10:09
Speaker 2: Matt's voice was taken away from him and how important
10:11
Speaker 2: that was.
10:12
Speaker 3: And yet Dad was wrong. Yes, that was the crazy thing.
10:15
Speaker 3: Not only did he take his voice away, but then
10:17
Speaker 3: he was literally going in the complete opposite direction. Mark
10:24
Speaker 3: how often? But as parents, how often do we do that?
10:26
Speaker 2: I'm sure it happens all the time. It's a beautiful
10:28
Speaker 2: metaphor for parenting. I've got to include it in my
10:31
Speaker 2: next book. It's so good. What about Deepak and Cardule
10:35
Speaker 2: with the car reversing?
10:36
Speaker 3: She was so explicit. She knew exactly what was going
10:39
Speaker 3: to happen if they didn't listen.
10:41
Speaker 2: Here's what happens when Murdulla is trying to help mum
10:44
Speaker 2: reverse the car with no mirrors and no cameras.
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Speaker 9: I love it back next Tiven, Yeah, they're not just straight.
10:57
Speaker 8: Just go to see the car when we hit the car.
11:03
Speaker 3: Ye, listen to.
11:08
Speaker 2: The voice, the voice, it's it's so valuable. And if
11:13
Speaker 2: we go back to last night's episode with the orienteering,
11:17
Speaker 2: we saw the lighthouse parents and we also saw the
11:20
Speaker 2: American parents as they picked up the map and the
11:23
Speaker 2: compass and they taught the kids how to use them
11:26
Speaker 2: and wallah, what happens.
11:29
Speaker 1: But would you like to be the compass person? Y?
11:31
Speaker 3: Now you can be the bad guy.
11:32
Speaker 1: So our approach to orienteering as lighthouse parents was to
11:36
Speaker 1: let our kids lead the way and we would sort
11:39
Speaker 1: of stand back and let them gain some control.
11:45
Speaker 8: Off we got a girl on a mission.
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Speaker 1: But it also helped us because we had no idea
11:49
Speaker 1: what we were doing, and we were hoping that they
11:51
Speaker 1: would there twenty, I reckon would be around here, somewhere.
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Speaker 8: Ours American parents. We decided to give Peer the compass
12:01
Speaker 8: so that she could find something educational in this and
12:04
Speaker 8: learn how to actually use it.
12:06
Speaker 2: Which way one hundred is right next to east.
12:08
Speaker 7: Good job, and we're going to be just up here
12:11
Speaker 7: for you don't have to walk through the tree, Pierre,
12:16
Speaker 7: you can walk around the tree. Once we handed over control,
12:22
Speaker 7: it helped Pierre understand exactly how to use the compass correctly,
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Speaker 7: and she was actually by confident. You feel a bit.
12:29
Speaker 9: Better, be more confident.
12:31
Speaker 8: Yeah, very confident, Very confident.
12:33
Speaker 2: Now pretty easy, pretty easy. So they're the two leaders
12:36
Speaker 2: that I want to refer to as we talk about
12:38
Speaker 2: the other things that happened last night, Kylie. We've got
12:40
Speaker 2: parents who are giving their kids their voice and parents
12:43
Speaker 2: who are not. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
12:46
Speaker 2: And even with that, it's still nuanced. I think we
12:51
Speaker 2: could talk about the rough building. It was just a
12:54
Speaker 2: complete failure, like nobody was able to do that well
12:56
Speaker 2: at all.
12:56
Speaker 3: It was an impossible taskutes to do it. Number one
13:00
Speaker 3: and number two. Who wants to tie notts these days?
13:03
Speaker 2: You just don't.
13:05
Speaker 3: Unless you're a boy.
13:06
Speaker 2: Scout, especially with that kind of rope now, and there
13:09
Speaker 2: were things that we could pull out of there. There's
13:11
Speaker 2: quite a number of things that we could talk about,
13:12
Speaker 2: but I think we should just go straight to the
13:14
Speaker 2: ab sailing. This was This was really the climax, wasn't it.
13:17
Speaker 2: This is where it all really blew up. You talk
13:21
Speaker 2: about giving kids a voice, and then you see this
13:25
Speaker 2: happen with the American parents.
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Speaker 8: As American parents, are expectations for Pierre when she has
13:32
Speaker 8: to face some fears is that she really should do
13:35
Speaker 8: her best to just overcome that.
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Speaker 7: Keep your feet nice and wide apart, and you're going
13:40
Speaker 7: to start walking backwards.
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Speaker 8: You got it, baby, you got it. You can do this.
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Speaker 7: You're okay, that's it.
13:51
Speaker 2: You got it here.
13:53
Speaker 8: Just keep using their feet down. I don't want to
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Speaker 8: do that.
14:01
Speaker 9: Can we do it with?
14:06
Speaker 3: This was so hard to watch, But what I actually
14:10
Speaker 3: loved about this was that it was hard for mom
14:13
Speaker 3: and dad to watch in the moment, they literally thought
14:17
Speaker 3: that they were doing the very best thing by their daughter.
14:20
Speaker 2: Like Mark the team parent telling Matt, No, no, you're
14:22
Speaker 2: going the wrong way, mate, go my way. It's the same.
14:25
Speaker 2: It's just that the stakes feel higher and there's more emotion.
14:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, but for them to actually see it and get
14:31
Speaker 3: it and recognize was really powerful. Yeah.
14:35
Speaker 9: I mean, I feel whoe it wasn't the best way
14:38
Speaker 9: to treat her, but I also feel like it's very
14:43
Speaker 9: important for us that we are teaching her life skills
14:48
Speaker 9: and not everything in life is fun.
14:50
Speaker 2: Now, I want to add all the level of complication
14:53
Speaker 2: to this conversation. As parents, we know that some things
14:56
Speaker 2: are good for our kids even if they don't want
14:57
Speaker 2: to do them. And here's the thing with Kim and Nick,
15:01
Speaker 2: in their American style, they push and they push and
15:03
Speaker 2: they push, and their daughter is doing incredible things. She
15:07
Speaker 2: didn't want to do it. I mean, this was heartbreaking
15:09
Speaker 2: to watch, but she did.
15:12
Speaker 8: I did it. Good job. We had a child who
15:16
Speaker 8: was afraid and then we motivated her and she ended
15:20
Speaker 8: up doing it. You're proud you did it yourself.
15:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, not just saying that.
15:25
Speaker 4: I'm not just saying that, Okay, we're good.
15:28
Speaker 8: I'm really proud of you.
15:29
Speaker 2: That was really good.
15:31
Speaker 7: That was really hard, really hard, But.
15:33
Speaker 3: At what cost.
15:34
Speaker 2: I think that from now on, she's not going to
15:36
Speaker 2: be afraid of ab sailing. I don't think it was
15:38
Speaker 2: going to be agree I don't think there will be
15:39
Speaker 2: any long term ramifications to the fact that they pushed
15:43
Speaker 2: and pushed and she finally did it. She felt agreed.
15:46
Speaker 2: I think she'll feel a level of accomplishment and when
15:49
Speaker 2: it comes to taking on these kinds of experiences in
15:53
Speaker 2: the future, she'll do it because she knows she can.
15:56
Speaker 2: She's pushed through.
15:57
Speaker 3: But why why is she doing it? Where is her
15:59
Speaker 3: motivation coming from. Is it an intrinsic motivation because she
16:02
Speaker 3: wants to challenge herself and knows that I've done it before,
16:05
Speaker 3: Mum and Dad have got me and I can do it.
16:08
Speaker 3: Or is this, as Deepak suggested, because she has an
16:12
Speaker 3: external need to not disappoint her parents.
16:17
Speaker 2: He said it so well.
16:18
Speaker 6: A little part of MIA's sort of questioning was the
16:20
Speaker 6: fear of the height greater than the fear of disappointing
16:23
Speaker 6: their parents, because not a child should be responsible for
16:27
Speaker 6: a parent's disappointment.
16:29
Speaker 3: As a one off experience, this could be empowering, but
16:34
Speaker 3: if this is an ongoing pattern of parenting, what this
16:40
Speaker 3: actually does is silences her own voice.
16:42
Speaker 2: Okay, so this is where we get into genuine tiger parenting, right,
16:45
Speaker 2: So this is what Amy Chow's battle him of the
16:48
Speaker 2: tiger parent book was all about, and her children definitely
16:52
Speaker 2: highlight that they lost any sense of intrinsic motivation. They
16:56
Speaker 2: only did things because of what they would get, the
16:58
Speaker 2: response they would get from their parents.
17:00
Speaker 3: She grows up as an adult who either doesn't trust
17:03
Speaker 3: her own voice or worse, she doesn't actually even know
17:06
Speaker 3: her own voice.
17:08
Speaker 2: So there's a big conversation here about consent and saying
17:11
Speaker 2: no and trying to work out at what point do
17:16
Speaker 2: we stop applying pressure, At what point do we pull
17:20
Speaker 2: back the control and just provide the support. Let's have
17:24
Speaker 2: a listen to what happened with the team parents.
17:27
Speaker 7: I'm so you're okay? No, Bill, Come on, Bill, Bill,
17:32
Speaker 7: I can't do it.
17:32
Speaker 2: Yes you can.
17:33
Speaker 8: You can't do it.
17:34
Speaker 5: Really, don't say that.
17:36
Speaker 8: Look up, look up?
17:39
Speaker 7: You got to start leaning back, Bill, Look up, Look up, Billy, Billy,
17:43
Speaker 7: trust me.
17:43
Speaker 6: No, I'm not looking up?
17:46
Speaker 2: Look up?
17:47
Speaker 8: No.
17:48
Speaker 2: Are you going to tell me no? On a footy field?
17:49
Speaker 8: No, I just don't.
17:50
Speaker 7: Are you going to look at me?
17:51
Speaker 2: Just stop from Are you going to tell me no?
17:53
Speaker 8: Field?
17:54
Speaker 7: Don't tell me no.
17:55
Speaker 9: Here.
17:56
Speaker 7: You know, if you want something in life, you you've
17:58
Speaker 7: got a persevere in order for you to grow, you
18:00
Speaker 7: have to put yourself outside your comfort zone.
18:03
Speaker 4: You got to lean back.
18:04
Speaker 7: Please, I'm trying to help you, and.
18:07
Speaker 2: I don't like people talking to me too, and I'm
18:09
Speaker 2: trying to think Mark, you can figure off.
18:11
Speaker 3: All of the So there's the same level of control
18:14
Speaker 3: going on here, just in a different format. When you
18:18
Speaker 3: look at Billy, he was he was really scared, terrified,
18:23
Speaker 3: and he was willing to give it a go. And
18:26
Speaker 3: Dad felt like if he just got in his ear
18:29
Speaker 3: enough that he would be able to help him and
18:33
Speaker 3: his parents. Is that not what we want. We just want
18:35
Speaker 3: to help our kids, and that's why motive.
18:37
Speaker 2: The same thing. Let's let's just help you to succeed.
18:40
Speaker 3: Because I know that once you do it, you're going
18:42
Speaker 3: to feel amazing.
18:43
Speaker 2: And this all comes back to that idea of you've
18:45
Speaker 2: got to fulfill your potential.
18:46
Speaker 3: But when Billy said to his dad, what Billy would
18:54
Speaker 3: have learnt through this experience is either I can do it,
18:58
Speaker 3: I just have to do it my way, or Dad
19:01
Speaker 3: was actually right, I do need to look up. But
19:04
Speaker 3: he would have learned it as he went. He didn't
19:07
Speaker 3: need to learn that lesson right in that second. What
19:09
Speaker 3: he actually needed to learn is that dad was there
19:12
Speaker 3: to support, but he was willing to give him the
19:15
Speaker 3: autonomy to do it his way.
19:17
Speaker 2: Okay, so there's another thing here as well, and that
19:19
Speaker 2: is the team parents said no pressure. Like how many
19:22
Speaker 2: times did that come out of their mouths?
19:23
Speaker 7: You don't have another game?
19:25
Speaker 6: There so much pressure. No it don't be silly.
19:27
Speaker 7: There's no pressure, no pressure, no pressure on it all, mate.
19:30
Speaker 2: So there's this no pressure, no pressure, no pressure. And
19:33
Speaker 2: we don't think we're proplying we're applying pressure. I think
19:35
Speaker 2: we think we're being supportive.
19:37
Speaker 3: I do wonder if this would have gone differently for
19:40
Speaker 3: either of those families had there not been a camera crew.
19:43
Speaker 2: I wonder if it would have gone differently if the
19:44
Speaker 2: parents had just stood ten or fifteen meters away and
19:47
Speaker 2: let the ab sail instructor do his job. You know
19:51
Speaker 2: what I mean, like, get the parents out of the way,
19:53
Speaker 2: take the pressure off. No pressure means don't put any
19:57
Speaker 2: pressure on.
19:58
Speaker 3: We've talked about this a few times on the podcast
20:01
Speaker 3: as we've watched the show, this idea of induction. We're
20:04
Speaker 3: literally taking these kids up twelve meters above the ground
20:09
Speaker 3: and attaching them to a rope and saying go down.
20:13
Speaker 3: If they've never done this, the very thought of having
20:17
Speaker 3: to lower yourself over the top, that's the hardest part.
20:21
Speaker 3: Once you're over the cliff base, then while the other
20:23
Speaker 3: part is scary, you're actually able to feel a lot
20:27
Speaker 3: more in control than that initial feeling of falling off
20:30
Speaker 3: the cliff. But they never got the induction process. We
20:33
Speaker 3: didn't see that even with the work of being there.
20:36
Speaker 2: So you can rest assured that there was appropriate induction,
20:39
Speaker 2: that the employees were giving the kids the instructions they
20:42
Speaker 2: needed to do it safely.
20:43
Speaker 3: Outside of Matt doing it himself in a hope that
20:46
Speaker 3: he would actually be able to then be the example,
20:49
Speaker 3: be the example, and then Kim the American mom stepping
20:53
Speaker 3: in and going, if I can do this, maybe she'll follow.
20:57
Speaker 3: These other kids were kind of just there on their own.
21:00
Speaker 3: They didn't get to watch somebody else do it first.
21:02
Speaker 3: They didn't get the sense of, oh, they made it
21:05
Speaker 3: down there safely, maybe I can give this a go.
21:07
Speaker 2: So I just pictured our nine year old being at
21:10
Speaker 2: the top of that cliff and what we would say
21:13
Speaker 2: to her, And do you know what, I think Kat
21:17
Speaker 2: probably did it the way that you and I would
21:19
Speaker 2: do it.
21:20
Speaker 5: You're about to do something that you've never done before.
21:22
Speaker 6: I have all the faith in the.
21:24
Speaker 8: World in you.
21:24
Speaker 2: We got this.
21:25
Speaker 8: Yeah, Well if I fool, well, I just go.
21:28
Speaker 5: With your four ten meters.
21:29
Speaker 8: Isn't it yet?
21:30
Speaker 5: Well I die probably not not broken arm, But that's
21:33
Speaker 5: about it.
21:36
Speaker 4: What did I sign into.
21:39
Speaker 8: The biggest thrill of your life?
21:41
Speaker 3: So this was a little bit controversial though in the room.
21:45
Speaker 3: There was almost some criticism that she actually didn't push enough,
21:50
Speaker 3: you know, And I loved her comment when she just said.
21:54
Speaker 5: Her crying told me that she wasn't comfortable. Then the
21:56
Speaker 5: mother bear kicked in.
21:58
Speaker 3: Are you sure.
22:03
Speaker 5: I want to relieve her of pain?
22:04
Speaker 1: You know?
22:05
Speaker 5: I want to be the honest parent, but I don't
22:07
Speaker 5: want to instill pain on my children.
22:09
Speaker 3: To me, that speaks volumes as a parent to understand
22:13
Speaker 3: and know when to push and when to step back.
22:17
Speaker 2: The parents in the room, though, felt like she stepped
22:19
Speaker 2: back too soon. I look at the age of the kids.
22:21
Speaker 2: I look at the fact that it's their first experience
22:23
Speaker 2: doing this. I think, take the pressure off. It's such
22:27
Speaker 2: an interesting, interesting conversation, fascinating to watch.
22:31
Speaker 3: But what I loved about Kat was there was an
22:33
Speaker 3: acknowledgement this wouldn't be the last time they tried this. Yes,
22:36
Speaker 3: And I think that that's the difference. We're pinning everything
22:40
Speaker 3: on this one experience and suggesting there'll never be another time.
22:44
Speaker 2: This is the only chance you've got for your child
22:46
Speaker 2: to become resilient, the only time. If they don't do
22:48
Speaker 2: it now, it won't happen.
22:49
Speaker 3: We allow our children to have these experiences and then
22:52
Speaker 3: deal with the natural consequences, whether that be disappointment or
22:56
Speaker 3: regret upset. That is a natural concer quints of their
23:02
Speaker 3: unwillingness to give it a go. But it's more likely
23:05
Speaker 3: that next time they're placed in a position, they might
23:07
Speaker 3: be able to remember those experiences and think, maybe I
23:10
Speaker 3: can try this.
23:11
Speaker 6: Well.
23:11
Speaker 2: We could talk about this for so much longer. Our
23:13
Speaker 2: time is more than up already. It goes so fast.
23:17
Speaker 2: When we're trying to do a summary of I feel
23:19
Speaker 2: like the summary could actually be longer than the show itself,
23:22
Speaker 2: Like we could really talk about everything for so much time.
23:26
Speaker 2: We really hope that our podcast has prompted even more conversations.
23:30
Speaker 2: Based on what you've seen in Parental Guidance Season two,
23:34
Speaker 2: it seems like everybody was happy with the show. So
23:36
Speaker 2: fingers crossed, we don't know yet, we know nothing yet,
23:40
Speaker 2: but fingers crossed. Hopefully there'll be a season three and
23:42
Speaker 2: we get to have these conversations all over again, with
23:44
Speaker 2: a whole lot of new families, a whole lot of
23:46
Speaker 2: new styles, a whole lot of new challenges. We live
23:49
Speaker 2: in hope, Kylie.
23:50
Speaker 3: I wonder if Cheetah Fast will be a man.
23:52
Speaker 2: Cheata fast parenting style. Yeah, yeah, that's me. The Happy
23:59
Speaker 2: Family podca as produced by Justin Roland for Bridge Media.
24:01
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, Kylie, Just before we wrap,
24:05
Speaker 2: is there any last thing that you really took out
24:07
Speaker 2: of the season that you just think we've got to remember.
24:11
Speaker 3: I think it was in Kat's comments at the very
24:13
Speaker 3: end when she said this, I think I'm always going
24:16
Speaker 3: to be an honest parent.
24:17
Speaker 5: That just confirms it. I've can finally trust my gut
24:20
Speaker 5: instinct and it's telling me that I'm on the.
24:22
Speaker 8: Right track, And.
24:25
Speaker 3: It just reinforced to me how important it is that
24:28
Speaker 3: we trust our own voice. We're talking about what it
24:31
Speaker 3: is to be a good parent and how about kids
24:33
Speaker 3: to trust their own voice. But as parents, we know
24:36
Speaker 3: our kids better than anyone else, and the chance we
24:40
Speaker 3: have to just listen to that in a voice that
24:43
Speaker 3: says keep going or step back, that's the voice, that's
24:47
Speaker 3: the voice we need to listen to more than anyone else.
24:49
Speaker 2: Well, I don't mind listening to your voice about it
24:51
Speaker 2: as well. I think there's some good value there. Hey,
24:53
Speaker 2: thanks so much for listening. We really hope, really really
24:55
Speaker 2: hope that it's been an informative set of conversations that
24:59
Speaker 2: we've had and I loved the show. The Happy Families
25:01
Speaker 2: Podcast returns tomorrow where Missus Happy Families interviews the star
25:05
Speaker 2: of the show, not me, I was the I'm the star.
25:08
Speaker 2: Allison Maidan's the star of the show. She's the host
25:10
Speaker 2: of the show. And we're gonna get the inside guys
25:12
Speaker 2: from Ali tomorrow