Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / When Holidays End and Tears Begin

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When Holidays End and Tears Begin · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Gooday. This is the Happy Families Podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: The school holidays have been wrapping up around the country
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: over the last week or thereabouts, depending on which state
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: you're in. Kylie and I were able to sneak away
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: for a week with.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Not all the kids. Our family's changing, Our family holidays
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: are shifting. Kids have got.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Part time jobs and full time jobs and university study
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: and it's really affecting how we holiday. In just a
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: sec for our Old Do Better Tomorrow, Kylee will unpack
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: something about that holiday that was meaningful for her.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Plus what do you do.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: When your child is having an absolute meltdown because they've
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: had the time of their life and now it's time
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: to get back into the car. That's my Older Better
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow coming up in just a sec, plus some other
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: big news that's happening around the country.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Stay with us.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's real
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: parenting solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Colson.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Kylie as I seem to be doing more and more
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: often on a Friday. There's so much going on outside
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: of Older Better Tomorrow that just needs to be flagged
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: really quickly. Just wanted to highlight next week New South
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Wales HSC exams start year twelve exams just around the corner.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Other states will be starting there's shortly as well, but
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: New South Wales kicks off first.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: That's big news.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Also big news this week in our family, at least
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: with our swifty daughter who just can't get enough. Taylor
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Swift's new album has dropped. The stereo has been playing NonStop.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I feel like we've had wall to wall Taylor Swift all.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I've been away for most of the week. I've been
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: in Perth for most of the week doing talks. But
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: every time I ring, every time I hear her, every
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: time I've walked into the house when I have been home,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: it's NonStop Taytay and no. I think that's all the news.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I think that's everything. Is there anything before we step
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: into Your Older Better Tomorrow that I should be mentioning?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: That's been big, that needs to be highlighted. I don't
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: think so, Okay, what's your Older Better Tomorrow?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: This week?
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Over the years, we've talked about whether or not returning
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: to a holiday destination is a good idea or not.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: My mum has such strong opinions. She's tried to indoctrinate
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: me and basically said, you never want to go back
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: to the same place for a second time. You want
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: to have new experiences. There's so much of the world
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: out there, you've got to explore it all.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Why would you go back, is what she says.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Why why that's right?
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Why would you go somewhere you've already been, You've already
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: seen it?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: How boring, Let's go do something new.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: And yet I have vivid memories of being in my
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: teenage years and having my friends go off to the
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: same camp site, for instance, every September.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Holidays and probably bump into the same other families who
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: are all showing up. So they've got this annual friendship renewals.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and they meet up, they meet new friends there
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: who have the same traditions, and those friendships blossom. But
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: they also go with families that they have friendships with
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: in their local communities as well. And I just used
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: to listen to them so excited because they were going
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: to catch up with this friend they haven't seen twelve months,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: or you know, they were going to go hang out
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: at the special rock place that only the kids knew
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: about and the parents didn't or whatever it was. And
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: so you and I have had conversations for a long
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: time about whether or not we should kind of create
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: that tradition for our kids or not. And because of
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: where you've come from, it hasn't really been a plus
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: in our conversations. But what I have found joy in
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: is returning home. For the majority of our girls, Woollongong
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: was their childhood home. It was the place that they
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: grew up and being a much smaller community, we weren't
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: surrounded by grandparents and aunties and uncles, so the community
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: filled the gap for them in that regard, and over
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: the years we have gone back. But what I found
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: this time there was just there was a difference. Going back.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: It literally felt like we were home. We were enveloped
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: again in the community, and there there were these moments
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: where I was literally sitting and it was all I
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: was having this outer body experience, and I was like
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: deja vous as I remembered all of these beautiful moments
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: where the community came together and just swallowed us up
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: in love and joy, and just watching our children re
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: engage in that space and see people so excited and
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: so energized and engaged and so invested in our children's
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: success in life.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, reuniting was really really nice. Something about this that
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell you, unless I don't think I told you,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: is you went to your old message therapist. You wanted
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: to go and have a catch up with your message therapist,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: get a massage, and prepare for the trip home. And
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: while you were doing that, I took our twenty one
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: year old daughter. She said, can you just drive me
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: past my old netball courts. So we jumped in the
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: car and as we were driving along, she said, I
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: remember Chanel used to go to school there, and I
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: remember this store over here. We did this like all
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: along the way. She was pointing to this street or
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: that landmark of whatever it was, and she had all
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: these memories. So halfway along the road she said, I've
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: got a pretty good memory, haven't I done? Because we've
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: been gone for a decade, but we also lived there
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: for a decade, and these were the children's formative years.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: It was really nice to go back and have that experience.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I'd like to go back regularly. I love that Woollongong
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: so underrated, The whole Woongong region is so underrated. What
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: a great place.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: While we were there, you actually introduced to me to
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: one of your absolute loves. Right you took my bike.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: Oh oh, you put me on the road.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I was thinking, I don't remember eating anywhere. I thought
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: you were going to talk about chickos and getting the
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: chicken burger or something like that.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we did. We went for a ride through the
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Royal National.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Park and it was that was a highlight. That was
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: really lovely. I remember all of those mornings that I
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: would wake up all by myself because you'd got up
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: at the crack of dawn to hang out with your like.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Reclad buddies who all shaved their legs and hang around
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: in here.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: What was your sparrows Farts?
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: We got home before all the sparrows were popping off,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: so it was the Sparrows Fart Cycle Club. Because we
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: meet each other at four fifteen to get our rights,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: because we had wives who didn't like us riding our bikes,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: and so we had to get our early bike ride in.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: And over the last handful of months we've started riding
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: together and I've really really enjoyed it. But riding down
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: there was really special and I could see why it
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: had been such a joy point for you.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: You mean you could understand why I would get out
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: of better before I can leave you?
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and I would like to do it again.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: That view from Bald Hill over the Seacliff Bridge. For
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: anyone who hasn't been to the Elora, just just googled
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: the images and if you live.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: In the Elora, you know what we're talking about.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: It's just just magic. While we're talking about bike riding again,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: this isn't part of our old bit of tomorrow.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I guess you're old the better tomorrow to take home messages.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: It's good to go back to places that you've been before.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I think it is you're saying, my mum's right. This
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: podcast is you're clap back against your mother and lawa.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: You talk about the conversation that you had with our
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: twenty two year old as she drove past all of
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: these places, and just the remembrance and the joy that comes,
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: like she wanted to go past a network place. That
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: place was hell for me. It was freezing cold. I
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: was sitting on the sidelines, rocking a baby in a pram,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: totally wrapped up in every layer I had because it
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: was that cold and she was out there having so
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: much fun.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Big smile on a face.
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and she remembers that that's special and that's something
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: that you want to allow your children to relive.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it was a good trip.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: After the break, I'm going to share another quick cycling
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: story from you and then my older better tomorrow about
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: a child who did not want to leave and how
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: we navigated that like pride. It's The Happy Family's podcast.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Kilsner, who my wife from Under
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie. Just before I
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: share my i'ld do better tomorrow, I want to quickly
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: highlight if you are driving a car and you see
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: a cyclist, please be gentle, please be nice. Kylie and
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: I love to ride our bike, but we spent some
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: time on the New South walest Central coast where I
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: grew up. We hung out with my parents for a
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: couple of days. The kids were having a ball on
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: the coast and Kylie and I went for a ride
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: and somehow, I don't know what was going on, Kylie,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: but I was in front of you, which is unusual
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: because you usually ride in front of me.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: You're much faster than me.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: And what happened like the front tire caught the lip
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: of the bitchmen. You sort of were half in the
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: gunter and half on the bitchmen, trying to stay out
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: of the way, stay on the shoulder of the road.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, a bit like that.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: And you went down and fell.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: Into our first blood sacrifice.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Fell into the road, and there was a car coming.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Fortunately they hit the brakes well before they got to you.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: But a scary moment.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: So a meter matters.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: That is not a paid sponsorship. That is just we
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: had a close call. And you've been feeling a bit
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: the worse for wear for the last week because there was.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: There was blood on the road. There was blood down
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: your leg.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: You don't bounce so much when you're nearly fifty, no,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: like you do when you're two.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Body is stiffened up a bit more. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Really glad that you're okay and that you still want
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: to ride a bike. Given how much I spent on
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: that bike, I'm very glad that you want.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: To keep on writing it. Okay, here's my old bedit tomorrow.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I can do this one fairly quickly, but it's a
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: really important one, and there's some great lessons here. We
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: don't always get this stuff right. Sometimes we're a bit emotional.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we're a bit tired and over it. And even
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: though I've written all the books and you and I've
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: recorded like fifteen hundred podcasts, now, Kylie, sometimes you just
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: kind of get to the point where you're like, I
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: don't I don't care what the books say, just do
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: as you're told.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: With the kids. So last what was it last Friday.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Morning or something like that, we got up at five o'clock,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I packed the car and by six am we were
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: getting ready for our soon to be twelve thirteen hour
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: drive back to the Sunshine Coast from then yourself a
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: central coast. It shouldn't take that long, but we knew
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: that with a long weekend come up, that it.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Was just it was going to be tricky.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: We're going to get to Brisbane if we were lucky,
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: and then have traffic all the way with the Sunshine Coast.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: So we're getting in the car, the kids getting in
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: the car, and all of a sudden, Emily, our eleven
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: year old, just had a meltdown.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I don't want to go. I want to stay with
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: my cousin.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I want to stay with that and Pop, I want
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: to keep on having all the fun that I've been having.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I like it here more than I like it at home.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: her now lets her do whatever she wants.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like when we had a couple of days and
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: left the kids with mum, I'm pretty sure there were approximately.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: How many boundaries? Zero That's what I thought, zero boundaries.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: And yet we're grateful that our parents are willing to
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: look after the kids, and so we're not going to
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: kick up big fuss about that. We're just going to
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: say thank you.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, I know I'm hijacking your story.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I do it to you all the time.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: But we talk about this a lot, and we've had
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: lots of questions over the years.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: About We've done a lot of pods on this.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Topic, boundaries and grandparents. But again, maybe because we're at
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: the other end of parents and not the beginning of
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: our journey. But I just love that your mum's this beautiful,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: soft place for the kids and she gets to give
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: them so much joy. And yes, it is frustrating and
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: it's hard when they come home and there's all these
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: meltdowns and big emotions because and sugar withdrawal. We are
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: setting the boundaries again. But isn't that what grandparents are
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: supposed to do. They're supposed to just fill them up
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: with love and joy and they know that when they
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: go there, they're going to be absolutely the most important
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: person in their world.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: I'm racking my brain trying to remember what I did
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: the other day within the our granddaughter. But she now
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: looked at me and she's like, you would never have
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: done that with us, You would never have let us
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: get away with that.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And I looked at her up she.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Was pushing the washing basket along our brand new floors.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Oh that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And I
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: just laughed and said, yeah, but she's my granddaughter.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: She can do it.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: And she knows, like this is so un fair. I'm like,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I know, but how good is it? I'm really enjoying
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: the double standard. I think that grandparents are allowed a
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: certain level of hypocrisy.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: That's what I've decided. Never also the.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: One that says I've changed enough nappies, I'm now a
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: great parent. I don't have to did that come from?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: And I share my story because this is going to
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: This is going to blow out to twenty minutes otherwise, Kylie.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: We tried to get Emily in the car and she
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: really didn't want to get in the car. I was
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: going to drag her to the car and carry her
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: to the car, and just thought, no, that's not how
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: it works, and so we coaxed it to the car miserably,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: and she got in the car and she was boiling
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: her eyes out and it was the six am. I've
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: only just woken up, cry, I know what go, And
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: it was loud and it was enduring, and Mum was
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: trying to convince her that she needed to go, and
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: there was a whole lot of logic conversation going on,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: but this was just an understanding conversation. But the car
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: door closed and you hopped in the back seat next
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: to her, and we put our elder daughter Ella, who
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: was twenty one, into the front seat and we'd gone
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: about two hundred meters when fifteen year old Lily just said,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: she's being ridiculous. We've got to go home. This is
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: just ridiculous. Can you just tell her to stop it?
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Can she just be quiet?
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: And like she was being really really cranky.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Well, she wasn't just crying by that stage.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: She was like, I don't want to go.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: I don't want to go.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: It was a lot, I mean it was. It was
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: a lot.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: It had been going on for a few minutes by then,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: and I just I just paused, and I so badly
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: wanted to pull the car over and just say, you
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: know what, stay, I don't want you to come home either.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Just.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: But instead I said to Lily.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: She's only eleven, and she really misses her grandparents and
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: her cousin, and she really doesn't want to go.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: And I get that you.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Find it inconvenient, so do I. But I was eleven
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: once and I felt like that, and so were you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: And then I had this remembrance, I said to her, Kylie,
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: when you and I were engaged to be married, there
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: was only a couple months ago. I was living in
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: mad Eyes, were working as a radio announcer. You were
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: living in Brisbane with your parents, and I flew down
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: to spend a couple of days, maybe across the Christmas
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: break or something with you and your family. And when
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: it was time for me to fly back to Mount iSER,
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I remember walking through security and then walking onto the airplane.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like, at any moment, now, Kylie's going to come
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: dashing down and say, don't go.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: And I remember trying to think what movie had you watched?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: No, no movies was for that moment in my mind.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: And then as we're taching, I'm thinking, at any moment,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: the pilot's going to say, I'm sorry, we need to
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: we need to return to the terminal because Kylie wants
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: justin to stay.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: You were thinking I was going to fly up and
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: meet you in the sky.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Like as we're roaring down the runway, but take off,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking he's going to hit the brakes at any moment.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not actually going to take off. I am staying.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I am staying. And then I ended up in Mount
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: iSER and I shared that story.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: With Well, finish it off with Lily, Well.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: What were you doing while you're in there thinking all
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: of those things?
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, I was having a big cry. I was having
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: a big cry. I missed you.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: But I said to Lily, I was twenty one or
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: twenty two years old when that was happening, and it
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: just broke my heart and I sobbed on this airplane
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: because I didn't want to leave.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: My soon to be wife.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I said, We've got little Emily in the back seat,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: and she just wants to stay with her cousin and
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: her grandparents. She's having those same feelings and they're normal
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: and they're natural, and we just need to let her
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: have those feelings. And two things happened. Number One, Lily softened.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: There was that empathy, that perspective that she needed. But
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Emily calmed down as well. Number One, I think she
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: enjoyed the story and hearing about how the plane did
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: actually take off and how I couldn't understand why you
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: would leave me. But more than that, I think she
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: felt understood. She felt seen and heard and valued, She
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: felt connected, and she was able to regulate her emotions.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: In fact, that was the last sobbing we had for
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: the entire trip. It only lasted a couple of minutes.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I think that I mean might take her messages. Empathy
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: is powerful. Empathy and perspective are powerful. They stop you
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: from getting mad at the kids. It helps you to
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: have some compassion to join them in their suffering. But
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: it also helps.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Those around you or around.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: The upset child to recognize that we all have these moments,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: we all have these big emotions from time to time.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: So you're going to take credit for calming her down
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: when it was my hugs and cuddles that did. Is
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: that what you're going to do?
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: It was a team effort. It was a team effort.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: It's serious.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: It was a team Believe that you're taking taking credit
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: for my brilliant empathy.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Hey, I was sitting in the back seat. For goodness sakes,
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: I got to get some credit there.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin, research and other support.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: We really appreciate both Justin and Mim for all.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: The work that they do.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: Have a great weekend. Thanks so much for choosing to
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: listen to the podcast. We hope that these ideas will
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: help your family to be happier and we'll be back
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: on Monday with more of The Happy Famili's podcasts.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Y