Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 038: The Women I Met Were Not Looking For More Success -They Were Looking For Themselves

Transcript

038: The Women I Met Were Not Looking For More Success -They Were Looking For Themselves · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Frederica Davis, creator of the Limitless Reset Method, and every Tuesday we talk about sustainable success.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Not just success in your business, not just success financially, but the kind of success that actually feels good to live.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: The kind that supports your health, your relationships, your purpose, your peace, and the life you're creating, and the kind of success that feels aligned with who you are and who you are becoming.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today's conversation comes directly from something I've been thinking about ever since I returned from Costa Rica.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And as many of you know, if you've been listening, I recently spent a week at a women's retreat where I was both a facilitator and a participant.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I got to learn and listen, I got to receive, but I also got to teach and hold space to observe and be there for others in their own transformation journey.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: One thing became incredibly clear to me through all of this.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: The women I met were not necessarily looking for more success, at least, not the kind of success that we often think about when we hear that word.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they weren't chasing more accolades or more titles or more achievements or more stuff.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong, some probably wanted some of those things too, but they were really looking for what was deeper, you know, it was something that was just much deeper.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: They were looking for themselves and connection.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna add connection to that.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: They were really looking for that as well.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was a common thread all the way through.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But the connection wasn't just with others, it was with themselves.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: So one of my favorite memories happened before the retreat even officially started.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we all met at the airport.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Many of us had never met before.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So there we were, introducing ourselves, hauling luggage around, you know, trying to figure out who was who and getting ready to pile onto the bus and trying to remember all the names as as we introduced each other.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we were just making our way up on, you know, onto the bus and settling in, but you could just feel in the air the excitement and the anticipation of everything as we started to make our way up into the Costa Rican mountains in the rainforest.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, you've got to picture this.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: At first, you're passing communities and neighborhoods, and and uh, you know, everything's going by pretty quickly, and then suddenly the roads start winding, you're going up and up and up, and the rainforest starts to get thicker, the mountains get steeper, you know, there's a cliff on one side or a big mountain on the other, on one side, and and and and a cliff on the other side, you know?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's that kind of road where you're occasionally thinking to yourself, please, dear God, don't let anybody sway this bus, right?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: But something really beautiful was happening.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: The women who had been complete strangers only hours earlier were laughing and talking and sharing stories and getting to know each other and bonding already.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: You could just feel the palpable excitement and the anticipation and the sense of possibility.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, there was an energy in that bus that just reminded me of being a kid, you know, heading off to a camp or a field trip or something like that.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And at one point, I even remember looking around and thinking something like, hey, you know, this is just looks like a whole bunch of girls, you know, who are kids having a blast, even though, of course, we were all women in our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and and you know, beyond.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And many of us had just met.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in spite of all of that, everyone seemed so genuinely excited and hopeful and open and full of joy.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it hit me, nothing had yet started.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: We had not even really started the retreat.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: We nothing had been fixed or experienced, no breakthroughs had taken place, we had not attended a workshop of any kind or a session or a hike or a meal together.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing had happened yet.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Except they had all taken a chance on themselves.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: They had stepped away from their everyday lives.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: We all did.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we had taken a chance and given permission.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody gave permission to themselves to pause, permission to receive and to connect, permission for hope and for something more.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So as the week started to unfold, I got to spend time with some of the most incredible women.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there were really women there navigating a lot of different things, navigating retirement or widowhood or loss of loved ones.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Some women were navigating divorce or challeng health challenges or just changes in their lives, empty nests, or business changes, um, reinvention, or just simply trying to figure out what was coming next.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there were women there asking themselves, who am I now?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, what struck me was that very few of them were saying things like, I want more money, I want more success, I want more achievement.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong, a lot of these were entrepreneurs that were there.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I am sure they would love more money, more success, more achievement.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But that wasn't really what they were inspired or called to this place, this event for.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: What I heard instead was I want to, I just want to feel like myself again.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want clarity.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live with purpose.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live with peace.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want connection.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Connection was a huge theme.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to know what's next.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want to move confidently towards that.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to stop feeling stuck.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I think that's true for far more people than we realize.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: All the things that they were saying.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're an entrepreneur, a business owner, professional, stay-at-home mom, retired, whatever it is, somewhere in between.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think many of us spend years believing the next achievement will finally create fulfillment.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or the next promotion, or it's going to be the next business milestone, or certification, or relationship.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, maybe it's the next house.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need a, you're thinking, you know, you need a bigger house or vacation or whatever it is, the next new car, the next piece of jewelry, I don't know, whatever.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: These are monetary things.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, but we get stuck in this.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: We get stuck in these, these needs for things that we acquire.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this could be a degree, could be a lot of things.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong here.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: There is nothing wrong with goals.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I love goals.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love achievement.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I believe in having ambition.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think this is anything wrong with any of this.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Success is wonderful.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: What I witnessed over and over again was that people don't actually want more achievement always.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: What they want is more alignment, especially at this stage and age in life.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I hear this in my office all the time, too.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: In my wellness center, people are really, no matter what level of achievement they already have, yes, they might want more, this or that.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what they really want is to live in more alignment.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: They want to live with less nervous system dysregulation.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: They want a life that feels like it's theirs again, less stress.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: They want to wake up and feel connected to the life that they've built and happy and feel the joy around that.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: They want to feel connected to themselves.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, all of this hit home for me too.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you've followed me for any length of time, you know I have gone through many challenges in life.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've reinvented myself more than once, different careers, different businesses.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've rebuilt my health and continue to do so.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've gone through different chapters.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Heck, I call them volumes at this point.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I everybody says, oh, it's it's chapter two or chapter three.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, hell no.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is like volume 10.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those different versions of myself.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so often with these changes, I thought the answer was somewhere outside of me.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But really, life eventually kind of reminds you, shows you, tells you, as long as you're willing to have an open mind and see it and listen, the real accomplishment is not outside you.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: The real work is not outside you.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's inside you.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not what do I need to accomplish next, but who do I want to be?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want to live?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: What actually matters?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want this next chapter to feel like?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, those are very different questions.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things I noticed again throughout the retreat was that every woman there seemed to be standing somewhere between who she had been and who she was becoming.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's where you are standing right now.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not in a state of crisis.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe nothing is terribly wrong.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've simply reached a point where you're asking yourself, is this it?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is this how I want the next 10 years to feel?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do I actually want more of?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want less of?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: What really matters now?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, those are pretty powerful questions, and they deserve a moment of pause and really thoughtful reflection to get to those answers.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to give you something practical today to kind of help you take a little inventory, we'll call it.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I always try to leave you with something actionable.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, these questions that I've just given you, they'll be in the show notes, but definitely do those.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have never done a wheel of life, I think most people at this point have heard of a wheel of life and probably done a wheel of life.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have not, uh, a wheel of life assessment is basically something that you have likely seen before.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't invent it.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's been around for ages and ages and ages.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's simple, it's powerful, it's incredibly revealing.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And all you need to do is take out a piece of paper, draw a circle, add six sections like the spokes of a wheel, and in those sections, write out some categories.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm gonna make this very simple for today because you're not in my full program or workshops.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're not going into this deeper right now.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're not in front of me.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna keep this simple and pretty broad into only six sections.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But there are more ways to go into this much deeper and more effectively, even.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: But let's just have your six sections on that wheel.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna write in each one, you're gonna write health in the first one, then relationships, then purpose, finances, fun, and growth.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, again, we go much deeper into this in my full programs, and there are more areas that I personally recommend looking at.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So keeping it simple for today, on a scale of one to ten for these six areas, I want you to rate your level of satisfaction each area.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: One being the least satisfied, you're very dissatisfied with that area, and ten being you're extremely satisfied with that area.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overthink this, just answer honestly and then look at the scores.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Which area has the lowest score because chances are that's where your life is trying to get your attention the most.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not so you can judge yourself or criticize yourself.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is just information.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is nothing more than data.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's an it's like taking inventory.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your you know, health needs attention.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your relationships that need attention, or maybe you've forgotten how to have fun.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big one for so many women who've been busy creating and caretaking and doing and all of that good stuff.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have stopped growing.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've lost touch with your purpose.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: The goal here is not perfection, the goal is simply awareness because awareness creates change.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And without the awareness first, it's almost impossible to create any kind of meaningful change.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the biggest lessons I brought home from Costa Rica is this the women I met, again, were not looking for more success, especially in the traditional sense of it on the whole.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: They were looking for more alignment, more connection, more purpose, more peace, more of themselves.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's actually true for you too.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what you're searching for isn't another achievement.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's more clarity or more connection or purpose or alignment.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's simply more of you.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're just looking to reconnect with more of you.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, I want you to spend some time with these questions and and what area of your life needs the attention, what would you know feel more aligned?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: What would help you feel more like yourself?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna give you a tip.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you, for a lot of women, they will do this exercise and they'll be all out of balance all over the place.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it really varies.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some people will have one area that's really the problem child, and others will have feel like they have almost all of it this problem, and that you know, they're very, very dissatisfied with.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you find yourself in that latter group where you feel like, oh my gosh, there's three, four, or five of these categories I am just very dissatisfied with, and you're not even sure where to start.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: My tip is this when you look at it, look at the one that is going to give you the biggest ripple effect when you improve it, that will leak over into the other areas and automatically improve them.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the one you start with.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: But that I can go deeper into that into in our um limitless living uh for women who are becoming group.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I just renamed that uh instead of for women who want more to for women who are becoming, because I think that's what we are all doing.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: We are all becoming, and it feels very, very authentic and aligned with what I am experiencing with all the women I'm encountering and working with, and myself included.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if you haven't done so already, I would love to have you come on over and join the community of women in this group, Limitless Living for Women Who Are Becoming.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a private Facebook group, it's free.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put the link in the show notes, and we can continue the conversation in there.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You get more access to me, ask me questions, and come and introduce yourself.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to learn more about me or any of my methods or upcoming experiences, retreats, etc., you can check out Fredericadavis.com, get on my mailing list, download your free reset guide.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And before we wrap up, I've been working on something I'm really excited to share with you.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it's called the Reset and Rise Masterclass.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is going to be completely free for the first masterclass.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very excited.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's designed for women who know they're capable of more, but are feeling stuck and overwhelmed or disconnected or something is simply not quite right and they're unsure of what comes next.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share more details about that on Thursday's episode.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure you are subscribed to the podcast.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't given us a review, we sure would love your review.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay rooted, stay resilient, be limitless, and remember you don't always need more success.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need more of yourself.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And funny thing can happen when you have more connection with yourself, often more success by private.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So chances are you are still becoming care and until next time.