Latest / Leadership From The Heart | Transformational Leadership Insights / Break Up With Burnout: Why High Achievers Are Exhausted
Transcript
- Romie Montpeirous: Hi everyone and welcome to another episode of Leadership from the Heart. Today we have ourselves Alicia Meek. She's a corporate professional turned entrepreneur, author and fulfillment coach. After 17 years in the corporate world and navigating her own burnout, Alicia now helps high achieving women rediscover purpose, peace and passion without walking away from the careers that they've worked so hard to build. In her upcoming book, Breaking Up with Burnout, she reflects her mission, which is helping women shift their mindset reclaim their joy and realize that breakthroughs rarely happen alone. Alicia, good morning and welcome to the show. Elisha: Good morning. Thank you, Romie What a introduction. So thank you. That just sums me up so perfectly. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Is there anything you want to add for the audience coming out the gate? Elisha: thank you so much for that. Just to elaborate ⁓ what you already said, I am a long corporate professional, but my passion is my entrepreneurship and my writing, my authorship. I published my first book a few years ago and now really passionate about the book that's due to be published on June 1st. You mentioned it, Break Up with Burnout, and it is as you explained. It's to help. the high performing corporate women professionals burnout behind, but without leaving their career. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, that's amazing. I love the reframe of that. That's, when I read it, I was just like, wow, that's pretty deep. What does burnout in women look like on the outside when they're high achieving? Elisha: Usually you can't tell. We are very good at burying our feelings and our emotions. So on the outside, we look like we have it all together. are polished and professional ⁓ in a good mood and smiling. And on the inside, we ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ bored and unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Romie Montpeirous: Thank Elisha: So it is hard to tell just on the outside of someone is experiencing burnout. And I say that from my personal experience and so many women that I've spoken to as well. And what's so funny about that, Romie, is that's really what creates the burnout is not allowing yourself to feel feelings, recognize them and address them. These, myself included, these high performing professionals are, know, the characteristics that we carry, the over committing to project and never being able to say no. And so we say yes to everyone but ourselves. And so ⁓ we our own and desires last, which means never when we're putting everyone else's needs front of ours. ⁓ are people pleasers and course that comes along with the saying yes to everyone. We want to make everyone happy again, but ourselves. So we put our own happiness to the side to make everyone else happy. And then we have this fear and guilt of. if we do step away or we rest or we say no, that we are seen as a, you know, not a team player or we're seen as that we're not functioning at the highest of our abilities. And what I've learned is it's actually the opposite. The women that have the confidence to say, nope, I'm at my bandwidth right now. I can't take that project, you know, let's relinquish it to someone else. Those are the ones that are not experiencing burnout. Those are the ones that have figured it out that you can be incredibly high performing and high achieving, also have boundaries and be able to say no. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, that's characteristics of high performing seem to be universal for us. ⁓ that's. Elisha: Yes, I know. And what's so funny is I thought it was just me, know, ⁓ the the control freak, the ⁓ not able to say no, the people pleasing the fear, the guilt. And as I'm doing research for this book, and I have a coaching program on the side as well. And every I've to, they They're the exact same that they are the exact same which actually makes sense because if they didn't have that go getter mentality they probably wouldn't be a burnout because they're pushing themselves to the limit and not allowing rest and recuperation. So ⁓ actually makes sense when you say it out loud. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. And so, let's, ⁓ love to like give the audience just a nugget or two on how, how do you start to say no? And what do do with the guilt when you do say no? Elisha: That is a great question, Romy. And I and foremost want to say it doesn't happen right away. It really Of course, we're rewiring who we are. And the first is being, just as you said, able to say no, even if it's just to one thing one day, and then saying again. But it with confidence. And as you do it more often and it starts to become a habit, you're rewiring your habits, does get easier. But it can take weeks or months to really, really see that shift in you. And one the hardest things to do, but the most effective, and I talk about it endlessly in the book, is to stop emotion to in the workplace, you know, it's very hard to do. And it something that ⁓ took so very to be able to stop, and I want say caring, but stop worrying about every little mistake or hiccup or someone else's mood or a rude email, ⁓ just stop internalizing it. And that's when you really start to pull yourself away from that burnt out feeling. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, you said that and it really resonates with me. remember, you know, in my career when I would go to like my ⁓ or my leader's leader and I would tell them, hey, this is what's going on. And I'm thinking it's this huge thing. And they're like, okay, like, we'll get through it. And it's like. I would pause and wonder like, why aren't they panicking? Like I'm panicking, you know? I think it's because they just knew they had the experience to know that, yeah, this is something, but like, we're going to get through it because we always do. And that's just that knowing. ⁓ I didn't adopt it right away, but I ⁓ see slowly adopting it when people come to me now and are freaking out about something. And I'm just like, okay, well, we're going to be all right. We just have to navigate or pivot or whatever it is. And I it was. always chasing what you said, right? So always chasing every single that I thought mattered. ⁓ And was really burning me out for sure because I was just putting my energy everywhere, you know? And thinking that that led to my success. And so do you think that the characteristics that make us high performers are part of the success? do you think that these characteristics are part of the formula success and what makes high performing women successful? Elisha: Absolutely. Absolutely. think it's interesting recipe because I feel like all of the characteristics that eventually lead to burnout are the that are successful. And it makes We push so hard. don't say no to anyone. So ⁓ get to that level of And for a while I do appreciate those aspects and in myself and the women I speak to because they did get to that level. I think when you are doing that level for so long, that's where burnout lives and. Something that I really touch on in the book is when you're performing at that high level, but you don't have anything else that pulls your attention away that gives you joy. most of the women that speaking to and again, my myself is our is our entire everything. It's our, our identity. And yes, we have ⁓ our, husbands our kids and our wives, and ⁓ we have the things in the world outside of work, but we don't have something that just ours. We don't have, you know, a passion project, a creative outlet or something that's just ours. our entire brain wrapped up in our job. And that's why we do start to take everything so personally. That's why minor hiccups seem like major avalanches because we are so much. focus, attention, and energy to this one thing. So when the job, the one thing goes wrong or you're overlooked, it's such a devastating experience. the way I advise what worked for me and my clients is to, without leaving your job, redirect your focus. when you're off the clock into something that's just yours, a creative outlet, what I call a purpose project. Or I did mine in a small business, plus I started writing. And when you have something that really brings you joy, and not just a project, I mean, this has to be something that you love to do that really injects joy into your heart and your soul and your mind, then you don't care so much about all the minor things that are going on at work. And yes, you're still going to have stressful days, but on an ongoing basis, a perpetual daily basis, going to enjoy work because you know it's not your everything. You have something outside that brings you joy. Romie Montpeirous: What was the moment? What was the moment you realized your burnout wasn't just exhaustion, but it was misalignment? Elisha: Great question because I'll tell you, Romie didn't know I was in burnout when I was in ⁓ I often refer to it as the of success. I thought when you that hard and at that level, that's just the as the of success. And I spent three long in a state of And I it because I was working a promotion that I knew was coming. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Elisha: And I've been with the same organization for 18 years. I my career. And during time, it was about seven years ago, I was working so hard for a promotion that didn't come. the time came get promoted, the was given an external candidate over myself. And it was ⁓ an moment. For one, I didn't have control over my future. No matter how hard worked, I still had someone that was deciding my future. And it devastating. And just as we had talked about, it was my everything, my job was. And so I put everything, all my emotion, my mentality, spirituality into this job for it not to give the reward that I was working so hard for. Was incredibly devastating. back on it now, it was the best thing that ever happened because it led me to where I am today. But that moment ⁓ it again just call it lightning bolt moments. I realized that I needed something else and I didn't want leave my job. I you know I love the paycheck and the benefits and the career that I built. but I needed something that was mine. And I a small business, not overnight. It was little pockets of time that I built here and there. But as as I started giving my attention to this small business that I was building on the side, it was this amazing feeling, Romie, that as I was to this new direction, the work. wasn't stressful. It was the same work. It was still a very high pressure, high volume sales environment. So the job was the same, but the relationship that I had with the job had changed. it in moment ⁓ when I didn't the promotion, of course, is devastating. I put so much time, energy, focus into this one thing. And when it didn't give me the reward that I was working so hard for, realizing that I needed than just this one thing, but didn't want to leave paycheck and the benefits and career I built. So I started working on a small business on the side and it, of course, I didn't know, but a small business overnight, took months and years, but just even those little pockets of time that I was spending building this passion on the side, this miraculous thing happened where I started to escape. feelings of burnout that I was having and I didn't ⁓ my job, but I left the relationship ⁓ had with it. And is truly, Rumi, where the book from, Break Up with Burnout. I frame it as burnout is a toxic relationship. You don't hate your job, you hate the relationship you have with it. Romie Montpeirous: That's so good. That's so, so good. Absolutely. And so the women that you help and I'm, know, from the intro, we talked about it, them not having to leave their job. So what advice do you give somebody who is feeling a little stuck right now and can't necessarily make the dramatic change? Elisha: Yeah, don't make the dramatic change. I truly believe that and because most of us truthfully, it's not that we can. We have our jobs for a reason and that's our livelihood and our again our paycheck and our benefits. And you know, we spent so much time and energy building it. I in the advice I give, I don't want them to leave their job, but I do want them to allow themselves. to start putting up boundaries, stop saying no, taking and actually turning the phone off. If you're, know, the women I speak to, very similar to me, is even though take time off, we'd still be working the whole time. And I have this memory, Romie, that I almost wanna smack myself for it is would take time off to catch up on work. How? Delirious does that sound when I say it out loud, but I think that we just again going back to that guilt and that fear of not performing at a high level is is we do and inside our own inside our own heads. So to be able to start breaking up with that relationship is start building something on the side and there are a lot of women out there that know what I call their one thing. You know, for me right now it is it's writing. That's my one thing that pulls me away from from the stresses of my job and you so many I spoke to. There's so many different things. You know they they have photography ⁓ or they volunteered animal which also is is passionate. A passion of They are they draw. do interior design. There's so many different things out there that you can do on the side. And I want to tell anyone who's listening is even just start small, even just 30 minutes a day. I know some women out there are like, I don't have 30 minutes a day. I you do. It's the other of what I talked about. My book is, is redefining your schedule to make sure it works for you, not for everyone else. Again, Rumi, we about, we put everyone else first and I know it hurts, but it really does have to change. not being selfish. I promise you that done probably many years for everyone else. It's time for you to put yourself first. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. And so potential client of yours has to be open, right? And willing to make the changes because if they're not, then we're kind of at a moot point because there's so much energy that you have to put in to try to convince them that this is indeed an option, right? Elisha: I love that you said that. I love that said that, Romie, because a quote that says, if you want change, you have to change. And have to be willing to change and be to that and not overnight. And the hard part is we want change right away. We do, we do. I do, I'll admit it. You know, I don't want to have to go through the struggle and the hard work, but... It's necessary it really is in change does Consistency over weeks and weeks and weeks so ⁓ I that you brought that up because there are that I've spoken to that I have declined to work with because they aren't ⁓ to put the time and I respect that you you know everyone. the to live their own life and ⁓ take steps that they want. But if don't make the change, they're gonna be just repeating that same cycle of where they're at. Romie Montpeirous: Right. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah, I say the same thing, you know, it's, not selfish. It's, it's actually quite the opposite, right? Because when you're okay, everybody around you is also okay, because you have enough to give and you always have to make sure that you're fulfilling yourself first so that when you give it's from overflow not necessarily like emptying your tank to try to give somebody something that they may or may not have, you know, and what I've discovered is when I do say no, it's like magic, they just figure someone else out to go do the thing for them. And it's And I'm ruminating over Elisha: Yeah. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: the no when they've already moved on and they're on a bus to go get a yes somewhere else. Elisha: Yes. ⁓ So smart, so well said, Robian. You know, the that I talk about in my book is ⁓ you get on a plane and they're giving you the instructions, they tell you if there's an emergency and the air mask drop, ⁓ your on first before you help your family. So that's give yourself oxygen before you can give it to anyone else. It just makes so much sense, literally. you're so right about, you're ⁓ up on the, my gosh, I just said no to them and they've moved on. So move ⁓ my gosh. Yes. Let it go. One of the biggest sentences I try to ingrain in anyone that wants help let it Romie Montpeirous: You're pretty. Elisha: Let it go. You know, it is. put all the pressure on ourselves and yes, there are external factors. There's heavy workload. There's micromanaging boss. There's rude coworkers ⁓ does feed into burnout, but very little. We the ones inside our head that ⁓ is living that state of burnout that it can be changed. It can be changed. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Elisha: just attaching it to all those external factors. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, what's the difference between burnout for women and burnout for men? Elisha: I don't think much, Romie. I really don't. one thing I think is women feel they have more to prove. ⁓ so I think that burn more and more quickly. I say that advice is that, you know, I discriminate. My advice is for anyone out there in burnout. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. Elisha: My ideal client is women just because I can relate to them more and I align with their thinking a little bit more. But I will say that the advice that I give in the book can be taken by anyone. It is speaking to women, but it's not women specific. I think that ⁓ do it to themselves more. Men do have the capability of being able to say no and not look down upon the Eno as harshly as women. So I think women just do it more to themselves. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. And what do you think after 17 years in corporate, what do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about burnout specifically for women? Elisha: interesting. I that most people burnout just comes ⁓ from working much. They think it's just about the workload or the hours, ⁓ which again lay into it. That's one of the external factors, but I think lot of people associate, they're burned out they work too much. If they take a week off, then they'll be fine. You know, they'll take that week off, take PTO. go to the spa, take a bubble bath, which still do all those things, you know, not saying don't do those things, but those should be supplemental. You know, the, the peace of mind, I, you know, I think the opposite of burnout is peace in mind. And to get that peace on a consistent basis, you know, have to take all those steps to again, ⁓ reformat the you think and perform. And it's not about how much you work. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, for sure. And so I think that you're big on time management, right? ⁓ Elisha: little obsessed, ⁓ would say. Yes. Romie Montpeirous: we just talked about overworking and I think part of it is mismanagement of your time for sure. Yeah, what's one habit that changed your life and that, or if it's different, then what would you advise us to do to change our life with time management? Elisha: Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, I think and this is going to sound so obvious. so bear with me when I say this for me, but you have to plan ahead this comes from someone who in their 20s, was a planner. I lived in the moment. I was impulsive and did not I live, you know, 24 hours in advance. ⁓ But I think to be able to effectively manage your time and have all the things that you want, the job, the side project, the relationships with your family and your kids and your dogs, have to be able ⁓ sit down and prepare out the next 30, 60, 90 days and beyond. I have my whole year planned out. ⁓ Now I don't want it to be cold and clinical. I do have space for margin and I understand that it's my plan isn't going to go exact as I plan it out I have to be able to pivot when things change. But have to be able to plan in advance where your time is going. Where are you spending your time and. Where are you going to spend your time? Anyone I work with, make them do a 90 day audit of their time and where they've been spending it. Most of it is on social media. Let's be real ⁓ today's world. We love our phones and to that, you know, know, minutes a is a little reward to watch some fun videos is fine. But I think know the and just social media, there you know news and other things. It's just such a time suck. It really is such a time suck where you could be hours on your phone watching videos and yes, it's but it is not productive. It's really not and that's the hard part. is changing those habits. You know being able to plan and here's the other thing. Romie, you can't just plan it out. You have to follow the plan. Romie Montpeirous: Right. You're not planning the execution part, Elisha: Right, you have to follow the plan. Exactly, I talk about that in my framework is you need your brain, your body and your soul to get what you need in life. ⁓ The is the planning, the research, ⁓ the ⁓ but body is the action, the execution. You have to be able to put those practices in place. And then soul is you know, make sure you're doing it the right way, you know, lead with integrity and morality and, and, you know, don't cheat or steal or, or, and, and, and I mean that from, you know, a time perspective or, you know, just do things the right way. And that's what leads to the peace of mind. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, I think like once you decide, you know, I'm very spiritual. So once you decide, like it's already done, you know, it just takes time for reality to like catch up, but like action has to happen for reality to actually catch up, you know? So I really appreciate your reframe of, you know, planning that far ahead. me, I'm gonna be honest, it ⁓ me to like plan that far ahead. Elisha: Mm-hmm. Yes, well said. Romie Montpeirous: and know that I have to live with integrity within myself to be honest and say, ⁓ yeah, I can plan a year ahead and then not do majority of the things that I plan. I don't know, I'm thinking about it right now for myself and I think I'm gonna go for it, but I have to be extremely honest with myself with the capacity that I have and how much success I want because we want it all. Elisha: Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: Right. But we're not willing to give or sacrifice what's what's needed to not doom scroll so that you can go make buck. ⁓ Elisha: sacrifice. Great word. So true, true. know, Dean Graziosi says, start with the end in mind. So when we think about where do I want to be one year from now, you know, do I want to have 20,000 new followers on my podcast or do I want to have a, you know, the first draft of my book written or. Romie Montpeirous: Right? Elisha: you know, that new side project built in an form, you know, where do you want to be one year from now? And work backwards. Okay, what do I need to do to get there? What ⁓ activity I relinquish? ⁓ What can I cut out of my life that maybe isn't bringing value anymore? You know, people are also time sucks. know there's everyone listening. They probably have that person in their life that doesn't add anymore. And not that you have to go some completely, but you know, if you tell someone, hey, I'm working on a personal project, I'll be unavailable for the next 90 days and set those that precedence up early. yeah, that I work with that advice to start with the end in mind. Where do I want to be and what steps do I need to take to get there? Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, that communication piece of telling, you know, the people that love us and that we love, like, I'm going to be unavailable of just ghosting. You know, I think that that's a really big thing in, ⁓ think, in today's age and dating. you, you know, if you're on social media, you see that a lot. And I think that that's that's an important piece of just telling someone where you are so that there are no assumptions or any stories being built around why you're quote unquote moving differently. You know, that's good. Elisha: So well said, you know, I work in talent acquisition. I'm a recruiter in my career and I get ghosted constantly by candidates and not that they owe me anything, right? But I think it's more of just a respect. And so interesting is I'll be ghosted from a candidate and then months later they'll circle back around and say, hey, is that opportunity still available? And I'll say, you know, not reliable. You know, it shows a character trait that, you said it, especially in today's age, can send a text. I'm not interested or I'm not available, or ⁓ just so easy to communicate in today's society. think ghosting is just, me, it's so bizarre. It's just so bizarre. Romie Montpeirous: agreed as a communicator myself, I just don't understand why people can't just say the thing. assume, I always try to assume positive intent. So I assume it's because they don't want someone to feel hurt or to feel awake, but they are going to feel that because you ⁓ ghosting them. So if your true intent and the true intent is for you not to feel uncomfortable. Elisha: Yes. Romie Montpeirous: And for you not to feel those things that you think they're going to feel. But if you, find communication to be, and I'm not saying that I'm great at it, but I find it to be so freeing if you just say, Hey, I don't know what, even if you don't know what you're going through, I don't know. don't Alicia, I don't know what I'm going through, but I know I need time to process. So. Elisha: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: You know, just, I just need a couple of days or whenever it's done, it's done, however it is. And I think that it's, right. It's so easy to communicate now. And I think we're like by far the worst at communicating. Make it make sense. Yeah. Elisha: The worst. How does that make sense? I know and yeah and you brought up something that kind of gave me an aha moment when you're talking is you know trying to overanalyze what's going on in someone else's mind is a no no. I mean that is another thing I talk about in. and releasing the feeling of burnout is stop obsessing about what everyone else is obsessing about for why should care what goes on in someone else's mind? It's an intangible thought. They're most likely not thinking about you. And I don't mean that in a mean way, you know, and I'm speaking in a workplace, you know, environment that ⁓ You get so obsessed that someone's mood is and you're like thinking, ⁓ my gosh, do they hate me? I say something wrong? it's what are you, you're tormenting yourself. You're tormenting yourself. ⁓ And just, when you that, you you, try to assume the best. And I try not to anything. Focus on your own self. Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah. And so how do you write, like what, what steps does one take to do that? Elisha: Yeah, the one thing that I taught by a professional ⁓ is the moment, and again, it takes practice. know we ⁓ keep about that, but in the just pause. Literally stop yourself. you get it, learn the habit, but when you start down the rabbit hole in your mind of what someone else is thinking, ⁓ just literally stop yourself, pause, a deep breath and I need think thoughts that are going to serve me. And you almost have to start that repetition in your mind. I need to thoughts that are going to serve me now and serve future me. And that is something, it's a skill to be able to think your own thoughts. And I know most People are thinking, of course I think of my own thoughts, we don't. ⁓ Romie, we are autopilot. I there's scientific studies that recycle about 80 % of our thoughts, 80 % of our thoughts on a daily basis are just roaming around in there. And it is such a skill to be able to own your thoughts. Romie Montpeirous: Y'all have a day. Have a good day. Elisha: and redirect them to where you want them to go. And the hardest time to do that is when emotion is attached, when you're an emotional moment, but the most important time to do it. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, yeah, that takes real practice for sure. I've been you know, learning how to master your own mind. I listen to the untethered soul annually. And so in the other untethered soul, talk about the roommate that's in your head. That's just constantly talking just being the observer of your thoughts because they're, they're truly, I mean, they're your thoughts, but you think, like you said, you're on autopilot most of the time. And so you're just pattern, like it's just a pattern and what you just described as a pattern disruption, you know, and so disrupt the pattern and then to be Elisha: Mm-hmm. Romie Montpeirous: able to control of your mind and to tell it what we're gonna think. I that that's, you know, people say the reframe, the affirmation, all the things. What I love what you said was you're going to have to repeat it until you believe it. You know, you're going to Elisha: Yes. Romie Montpeirous: It has to be repeated over and over and over again. And I think that that's the part that people miss. At least that's the part that I miss. I feel like if I did it once, it should just stick, right? But you've been running this pattern for so long. Your needs time to like actually affirm that, in fact, ⁓ we are going to think different thoughts. And once you do, I think it's off to the races. But yeah, you're absolutely right. The repetition is the part that we miss often. Elisha: Yeah. ⁓ Mm-hmm. It is. more than often, Rumi, you're so spot on with that because just you just said, I'm guilty of it too, you're like, okay, this isn't working. I'm not going to do it anymore. So they stop practicing. And your exact point is once you have done it so many times, it becomes natural. ⁓ And just like anything, learning to play an instrument or a sport. It's not like you, you know, Romie Montpeirous: Right. Yeah. Elisha: get sit in front of a piano and can be Mozart and know it takes daily for anything new and why that any different in the brain? And to me that's most important skill. I mean our brain is what runs our entire life. Like why would you give up on it so easy? And I'm speaking to my younger self here, Alicia. ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: We all do. Yep. We're comparing things. Elisha: ⁓ Yeah, yeah, the hard part is getting through to someone that's not ready to be gotten through to. And I younger me was to all this, I'm embarrassed to say I would just think it was hogwash and she doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't know my personal situation and I don't, know, whoever's listening, but I do know that with practice ability control mind, Romie, I love that you said that, mind control, it does get It does. And not burnout, but that you're going through, know, grief or depression. not clinical depression, I'm not a doctor here, so don't quote me on that, but anything that's in the mind that is deteriorating the mind, there is a way to overcome it. And you said something in the beginning in my intro that I want to point out is that breakthroughs rarely happen alone. When you're going through this process of change, you need someone to help you. You need, and I mean a professional and not saying that your friends and family members can't cheer you on, but you need a coach or a therapist or a counselor or a mentor that will give you honest, constructive, objective advice to get you through that. So that's the most important part is most people want to do it on their own. And that's me. I admit it. I'm putting air quotes, don't need help, but all do. And that's where the breakthroughs come through or come from, is I think with someone helping. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, definitely, definitely. think that just a lending ear sometimes to be able to process because I feel like I process my really well by myself, but I have to like say it out loud to hear it so that I can understand it. But when it's, when I don't say it out loud, so when I'm not talking to myself out loud, the story is just, it just runs and it has no ending or there's no fact checking either. Right. There's no fact checking happening within. It's when I say it out loud that I'm like, damn, that sounds like, probably not that true. Like that's pro that doesn't even sound okay. Elisha: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Romie Montpeirous: like, all right, so that we're moving on. And it's just so interesting. And so yes, you're right. And that, you know, I'm a leadership mentor as well, because I know you can't do it alone. I, and I had a mentor that I didn't even know he was my mentor at the time. But like, ⁓ when I look back and I'm like, why am I so sick? Why is everybody not like here yet? Here yet? Why? Why can't we communicate? Why? Why is leadership so hard when it could be so easy? And I realized it's because I had someone holding my hand, you know, throughout my entire career. And when he let go of my hand, somebody else grabbed it and just, it just happened, you know? And so now I'm intentionally, you know, seeking out mentorship and at the same time becoming a mentor to pay it forward. And so I agree with you a thousand percent. And it's not a plug. It's not to sell more programs or anything like that. It's because we actually know You can't, you shouldn't have to, you don't want to do it alone. And your friends and your family aren't necessarily your audience. And it was a tough lesson for me to learn, but I can't them as my platform to like teach them stuff. There's whole group out there that's waiting for you. And so I agree with you, Alicia. Thank you for that. Cause we do need help and it's okay to need help. think that's biggest thing. It's okay to need help. Elisha: Yeah. It's OK. I love I'm going to point out something that when I my my coach who is coaching me to be a coach, ⁓ she one thing she said, do not coach your friends and family. Do not it. She said do not do She said practice. Yes, fine, you know, but ⁓ do not. Take. Romie Montpeirous: You Yeah. Elisha: financial transaction, do not coach your friends or family they a biased ⁓ view you as they should. They're your friends or family. ⁓ yes, they're exactly, exactly, exactly. So ⁓ it that's so funny you said that because that really hit home with me as well. And, know, when you're first starting out as a coach, you're like, ⁓ I don't have a network yet. I'm going to start with friends and family, but no, I'm yeah. Romie Montpeirous: They know you. Right. They know a virgin, I should say. Elisha: And I learned that the hard way as well. Romie Montpeirous: That's what the LMLM taught us was to go to your friends and family and it was not good. it's like they don't want, they just want to be your friend or your family. don't want be coached. Elisha: Yeah. I know. that's so funny. That's so true. And, and, but agree with you. And I tell people, just as said, I'm not selling the, I'm not doing this to sell you. And I'm not, if you want to work with me, great. But if you don't find someone, you know, it doesn't have to be me, but find someone. And yes, I do respect ⁓ mentors and ⁓ Romie Montpeirous: Yes, same. Elisha: But I do find that if you are paying for it in a therapy session or a coach, you hire someone and you have something invested, especially financial, we attach a lot of emotion to finances. So you're financially investing in something, you're gonna take it more serious. Romie Montpeirous: you sure, for sure. Aisha, if a woman was listening today and she feels like she's disappearing inside her own success, what you tell her? Elisha: Learn the art of what you're thinking in the moment. ⁓ But more importantly is take the emotion out. of every situation that you're in. that you're feeling in the moment. know, we talked about it. Someone else's mood, a email, pass up for a promotion, ⁓ whatever may be in the work life. Take emotion out of it and put it towards something that's yours. know, the emotion is energy, so it has to go somewhere. I'm not telling you to cut it off, but just taking emotion. ⁓ or stop putting emotion into every little thing that happens at work and putting it towards something that you're passionate about that will bring you fulfillment and satisfaction. I think we've said it relentlessly on this call today, but yes, it takes practice. Just be patient with yourself. You know, give yourself some grace. ⁓ if it's not working in first two weeks, that's OK. It's not supposed to. Just give yourself grace when you're going through this process. Romie Montpeirous: Absolutely. Any final thoughts the audience? Elisha: well, first of all, I just want to say to anyone who's listening, Romy has been so amazing. This has been one of my favorite podcast guest appearances. I've just had the most amazing time speaking with Romy. She's been smiling the whole time for anyone who's just listening. hopefully, ⁓ you know, this you more followers, but not because of me, because of you. This has just been such a wonderful experience. ⁓ And I just want everyone to know that only live once. ⁓ when talked about taking that emotion away, ⁓ it's a full heart of someone who attached so much emotion for so many years and lived in burnout stress and exhaustion and unfulfillment. And there is way. take that emotion and really develop something that gives you passion. Give yourself the grace to say no, to take the time off to be, I'm going say selfish, not selfish. know, let's call it self preservation and just give yourself grace when you're out in the world. And, you know, as we talked about before, stop obsessing what other people are thinking about you. Romie Montpeirous: one for me that that I feel like ⁓ it comes from a place it's a very deep place because if I can anticipate then I can fix and if I can fix that I'm safe right so that's very it's a very deep ⁓ a very deep reason why we're doing it and so but ⁓ agree with you I think there's so much energy in that and that if you can find a way to release that then you'll you'll find some freedom within yourself for sure Elisha: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Thanks. Romie Montpeirous: for sure. Where can people find you? Elisha: I first and foremost you can find me on my website, which is just my first name last name.com and if you're listening it's E-L-I-S-H-A-M-E-E-K.com. have a launch team that I'm building for my book where if you sign up you'll get weekly emails kind of like a newsletter to talk about my when it's coming, my webinars, My coaching programs, things of that nature, and you can find that on my website or Alisha Meek and You know, kind of a unique spelling of Alisha, so it's really easy to find me. Or you can email me, meek at alishameek.com, and ⁓ I respond every email that comes in. Romie Montpeirous: Yeah, no, thank you for that. And I know to the women that are listening, I know that you're high performers because you're listening how to be better, right? And truthfully, people who aren't high performers don't look for ways to get better. So if you're listening, definitely give Alicia a shout out, a check her website out, register the book, do the things. Just because the more you gain, the better you are. And it's not that you have to adopt Alicia's thinking. just that you have to see how it works for you. And so I always encourage the listeners to continue their growth and whatever that means for them. And like what Alicia said is if if it's not me, if it's not her, go find someone. important for you to have someone or some people to able to bounce ideas off of and talk through things with and be guided, be led as well. So with that, we end today's episode. And thank you so much for listening. Please share, like, subscribe, do all the things feel necessary to do and we'll see you next time on another episode of Leadership from the Heart. Elisha: You hear me? Romie Montpeirous: Thank you, Alicia.