Latest / The Road Doc Podcast / Generational Gaps: Old Traditions vs. New Thinking

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Generational Gaps: Old Traditions vs. New Thinking · The Road Doc Podcast

• 0:04
  Siblings relationships are strange.
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  They can be our first friendships or our competition
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  and sometimes they can be both at the same time.
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  How many of us been there? I can tell everyone this episode
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  is not about blaming or glorifying siblings.
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  It is all about understanding. You know why sibling dynamics
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  shapes our internal world or in general life?
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  Recognizing Rivalry VS Bondi learn how to outgrow unhealthy
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  patterns without bitterness. Before we deep dive into Welcome
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  to the Rondock broadcast. I am Doctor Mukul.
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  So today we gonna a little bit discuss about how these things
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  affect us and what are these actually like.
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  Let's begin. What is sibling rivalry really
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  means? It is basically more of an
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  attention validation comparison. You know, like parents may deal
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  with their children equally, but you know, sometimes
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  unconsciously one child might get more attention, the other
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  might not. They feel that unequal emotional
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  availability and so on and so forth.
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  These these things, you know, create something in the child's
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  mind and they express through different manners.
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  Like sometimes it becomes more of a competition between child
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  like siblings. Sometimes it might be simply,
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  you know, competition sometimes becomes just a survival in
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  between them and a lot of fights and misunderstandings and so on
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  and so forth. Like there is a lot of reasons
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  why they have the rivalry. Like they might even fight for
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  silly things, right? That doesn't even make sense in
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  real world. But yeah, that's basically the
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  rivalry forms at different phases of child's life.
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  And sometimes the reason might be valid, sometimes they are
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  not. We will have deep dive into it,
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  but I can tell one thing most sibling rivalries isn't actually
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  hatred. I think it's more of a unmet
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  needs competing silently. I think that's the that's the
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  thing that's going behind the scenes.
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  So yeah, we'll and like I said, the reasons might always be,
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  sometimes it might be reasonable, sometimes it won't
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  be and so on and so forth. So I really can't tell, but.
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  And so let's move on to the next part, when this rivalry turns
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  unhealthy, usually like the first thing.
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  Yeah, I think parents can easily identify this, the constant
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  comparison. Parents love this, isn't it?
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  They love to compare the elder one with the younger 1,
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  something like so on and so forth with their
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  accomplishments, achievements and so on and so forth.
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  Like every family will go through that.
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  I guess at least most of them suffer through that thing.
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  One child is called the golden child, the other child is called
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  irresponsible 1, and so on and so forth.
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  And one becomes so visible, the other becomes so invisible,
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  right? This does affect, you know,
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  adulthood. And we cannot blame anyone here
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  because even though you can tell like as a parent we are dealing
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  both our children are allowed for children equally and so on
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  and so forth. But that doesn't mean child
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  reciprocate at the same level even though if you deal on a
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  same grounds. So it's kind of a grey area we
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  really cannot distinguish no matter how good you gave them
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  everything and so on and so forth.
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  So this does, you know, affect their adulthood life in lot of
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  areas. Like some might become people
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  pleasing, some might become overachieved, emotionally
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  distant and vice versa as well. I am not trying to blame anyone
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  here because even parents can't do much because it's most of a
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  psychological thing. More of what you have done.
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  They will compare themselves no matter what and that thing we
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  really can't comprehend A deeper what they actually going through
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  and being through no matter what parents do like give them every
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  opportunity, everything equally and at their best.
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  Some might one child can utilize it, the other one may not.
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  And then the which child is not so successful, you know, they
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  just blame everything on their parents or their successful
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  child and so on and so forth. Like it is kind of a very
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  difficult situation for parents to actually deal with as well.
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  Yep, that's why I'm not trying to accuse anyone here.
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  We are just trying to just navigate through how we can form
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  a healthy bonds at least not cross day we can achieve it
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  completely, but at least we can try not try to navigate through
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  through those unhealthy patterns and so on and so forth.
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  Have you seen this? Some siblings becomes, you know,
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  very much like they they form like a lifelong bounds, but
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  whereas the other families since the siblings become literal
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  enemies. I don't want to have been there
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  seen all those things so on and so forth.
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  Isn't it whoever the siblings go through Indiana a difficult
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  situations and come out with more understanding have like
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  more of a lifelong bonding because of their hardships that
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  they have been through and everything they shared through
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  the journey and this bonds takes time and overtime they have
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  developed a healthy relationships right?
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  And so on and so forth, isn't it?
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  But same way the same situations and some siblings become enemies
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  because of hardships and so on and so forth.
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  Yeah, that is also a my possibility.
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  Same things but different outcomes in there.
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  And yeah, some becomes protectors and some becomes
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  literal enemies of each other because of those hardships.
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  So it is kind of can't actually predict why and so many factors
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  might be involved. So yeah, like some grow into
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  protectors kind of a situation quite supporters.
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  Some people just understand their what they were going
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  through and without even saying a word they have that level of
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  understanding and so on. But same same situations with
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  different siblings, they literally go through the
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  opposite of what I just mentioned.
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  Like they literally become enemies, they tear each other
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  up, they are always constantly comparing themselves and so on
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  and so forth. I think that's pretty much, I
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  don't know how much parental involvement will affect that,
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  but it's more of their sibling bonding, how it forms and why it
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  forms and their anchor points in their own life through their own
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  experiences and so on and so forth.
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  That is completely very, very subjective part and we cannot
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  actually determine exactly how they form it.
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  We can do determine that based on their life stories and
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  difficult situation they have been through and how they
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  navigate through the life and that has tell a lot.
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  But I have seen both kind of situations where some people
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  literally have like very wonderful bonding and some
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  siblings have like the worst bonding on the planet.
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  No matter what they do they constantly fall into those loop
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  I guess. And I can tell one thing though,
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  a healthy sibling bonding will always look like coming home
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  without any explanation kind of a thing like it feels like a
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  home. But the same way the unhealthy
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  bonding will be like you will have the constant pressure even
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  they are at same room. They both are like envious.
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  They both are constantly comparing and they are plotting
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  sketches and so on and so forth. I know like irrespective of ages
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  in every family this do exist one way or another so definitely
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  check it out in your own surroundings.
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  You will come to a conclusion what it actually feels like and
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  sounds like. And I am pretty much sure most
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  of almost all experience this at some point of our own lives.
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  So sometimes it's a very good bonding and sometimes it's not.
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  Now let's move into accepting reality without resentment.
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  Resentment like I think this is very, very powerful thing in
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  this episode because there are good parts that exist.
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  There are also bad parts that exist now.
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  If everything is going great, everyone will have no problem.
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  Like all good, superb life is great now.
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  The problem comes the moment things goes wrong and literally
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  the family becomes a warfield and the same siblings becomes
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  opposite warriors fighting for something.
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  Right? Yeah, that's why not all
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  siblings will be close. That's let's be brutally honest
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  here, in our own life experiences and observations,
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  not really. Everyone becomes very close.
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  Sometimes we have to maintain the distance.
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  Not because we failed as a sibling or a child in a family
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  or whatsoever you can call it. But sometimes it is more of a
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  less explanations and more of a what you call it more of a
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  protecting your own emotional needs and protecting your own
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  peace. Sometimes these boundaries needs
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  to be exist even for a let's just say for the most loving
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  choice you have to take it. Because most of the time these
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  boundaries will eradicate almost all negative things that might
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  happen or trying to stop those negative things to happen in
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  their own lives. I am not going to say every
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  sibling is perfect or every sibling is not going to be a
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  perfect world. But I think sometimes in our own
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  lives and we do accept them just because our sibling, but we both
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  know they are not that of good consciousness to be around on a
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  constant basis. So sometimes we accept them, but
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  it does not mean everything they do is gonna be light via
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  consultation. So sometimes acceptance is not
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  the approval for their own behaviors or the choices and
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  other things. So in order to protect your own
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  Peace of Mind, boundaries just need to exist in such cases,
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  even though you like your siblings and so on and so forth,
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  or if you don't like them but you don't want to say it out,
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  don't want to break the bond and so on and so forth.
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  So whatever the reasons might be, but still we it's better to
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  have a boundaries so that at least you can not change them,
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  but at least you can maintain certain level of healthy
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  relationships, at least on the superficial levels at least like
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  a last resort or something. So I think it's better even if
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  you don't have a perfect sibling or good relationship with your
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  sibling, it's better to maintain boundaries to have peaceful
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  lives for each other. I think that's much, much
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  better. I feel it personally as well.
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  And this is where we have to navigate through once we are
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  here with this not so great sibling relationships, you know,
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  we have to focus on our own personal growth beyond these
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  sibling roles. Like sometimes you have to, you
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  know, it can feel different. You know, sometimes you
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  literally have to step out of the strong one or the successful
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  one or the problematic one or whatever you call, you have to
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  basically redefine your entire identity about that.
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  I think that's one way of choosing your own emotional
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  ecosystem, let's just say, so that you can protect your own
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  peace and you can have your own life without disturbing the
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  others. I think, I think that at some
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  point it's better to have their own lives and move on with their
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  own personal lives because like I said, some people will have
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  really good bonding, but unfortunately not everyone has
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  that privilege to have that great bonding.
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  So it's much, much better to let go, let go and have your own
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  life. And you don't need to be a bad
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  person or you don't need to tell the mall these things.
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  You can just have clear boundaries and have your own
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  life and let them have their own life.
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  Just respect each other on the superficial levels and justice
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  move on. I think that's much better and
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  easier because the moment you try to fix someone at any point
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  of stage then instead of fixing something that will become into
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  a war field. Because if you can really change
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  any person just like that they won't be a 2 unique people or
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  different people. And the rivalry doesn't even
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  start in the 1st place. So once it started which means
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  they have their own differences in their own ways, it's better
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  to respect that and move on rather than fixing or changing
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  someone. It's like waste of time I can
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  tell. You can try but you will end up
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  getting no outcome. Nothing but wasting your time,
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  energy and your resources basically.
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  So yeah. So I would like to close this in
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  a such a way like sibling rivalries main shape us.
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  But they don't get to define us forever.
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  I think the growth begins the moment the compassion ends, and
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  peace begins when we choose understanding over expectation.
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  Because in the end, what it matters is whether you had a
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  peaceful life or not. So yeah, let's just, I think
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  that's better conclusion to have.
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  Yeah, I think that's much better.
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  So yeah. So that's it from me for this
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  episode. Kindly let me know what you guys
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  think and if you have been in these situations or if you have
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  a good point with your siblings, kindly comment down.
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  We know or if you fixed your rivalry in some way, let us know
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  the solutions as well. Would I would love to check your
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  comments and if you can provide a little bit of insights or
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  different perspectives, feel free to comment down.
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  Let's just have a healthy conversations in the comment
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  section and we'll try our best to navigate how and what are the
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  other ways we can sort things out.
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  Because so far as much as I am aware, there is not much of a
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  solution there because changing a person is not that easy that
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  we all know. The change takes a lot of time
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  and there is no guarantee that one wants to change.
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  But anyways, I would like to hear from you all in the comment
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  sections. Feel free to comment down and
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  thank you very much for your time and attention.
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  This is Kamukun from the Road Talk podcast.
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  I'll catch you up in the next one.
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  Take care. Bye.