Latest / I Do, Part 2 / DeAnna In The Wild: Get Your Flirt On

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DeAnna In The Wild: Get Your Flirt On · I Do, Part 2

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: This is famously available. Welcome back the on it to
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: the podcast. Now. Recently we sent you to Wingo Tango.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: It's an amazing concert. I've been many times. That was
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: back in May, and you got to hang out at
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: the beach and start to see what you like, what
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: you're interested in. Again, today we're here as we get
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: this whole thing kicked off to kind of figure out
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: what your type is, or for our listeners to just
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: understand more what your type is. So let's start with
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: just the overview of everything. How was Wingo Tango.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, it was a lot of fun. I haven't been
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: to a concert in a really long time, and it
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  Speaker 2: was so fun. I really, all I care about is
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  Speaker 2: squin Stephanie, and I was just hoping she would play
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: some of her old school No Doubt stuff. So it
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: was actually really funny because Rachel and Genevieve, who are
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: significantly younger than I am, were there and we had
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  Speaker 2: I mean we were right next to the stage. We
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  Speaker 2: were like just having the best time ever. And some
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  Speaker 2: of her newer stuff the girls knew, but when she
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  Speaker 2: started playing some of that No Doubt stuff. The girls
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  Speaker 2: were like, yeah, no, I have no clue what this
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  Speaker 2: song is. Said here I am living my best almost
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  Speaker 2: forty four year old life and she's playing like all
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  Speaker 2: of my high school favorites and we knew every single
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  Speaker 2: word and we're jumping up and down, and poor Genevieve
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  Speaker 2: she was like, yeah, I don't know this song at all,
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  Speaker 2: Like she had no clue any of the songs that
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  Speaker 2: Gwyn was playing.
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  Speaker 1: So Genevieve is one of my favorite people, by the way,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: that I've ever hung out with in Vacherination. She is hilarious,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: and then you got to see Rachel as well. The
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  Speaker 1: two of them together is a power team. Did they know?
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  Speaker 1: Do they know your current situation that you are mingling
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  Speaker 1: and looking to potentially find a nice little dating partner.
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  Speaker 2: Genevieve was a little confused. So that was the first
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  Speaker 2: time that I met Genevieve, And yes, she's delightful, and
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  Speaker 2: she also was on the prowl, so you know, we
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  Speaker 2: were like working beside each other to try and find
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  Speaker 2: anything remotely attractive. And Rachel I adore and she's also
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  Speaker 2: super great. But Rachel knows about the podcast and was
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  Speaker 2: super stoked Genevieve. I kind of had to explain a
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: little bit what was going on, and she was like, okay, cool, yeah,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: let's find you a husband. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 2: no, no no no, I'm in it for different reasons this
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: time around. So but Rachel, yeah, she was on the
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  Speaker 2: prow for me because it has been so long been
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  Speaker 2: since I have been in the dating scene that I
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: kind of didn't know what to do. Like, I'm pretty
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  Speaker 2: good on my own, I'm pretty fun I'm funny, I
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  Speaker 2: like to have a good time, but like, I don't
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  Speaker 2: know how to interact with the opposite sex anymore, I'm
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  Speaker 2: realizing because I haven't dated in so long, and Rachel
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  Speaker 2: was like on the lookout, trying to find me anyone
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  Speaker 2: to flirt with, any cute guy to talk to, and
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  Speaker 2: I just like it was like I clammed up and
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  Speaker 2: I frozen. I didn't know what to do.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, that's where we're going to start then, because I
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  Speaker 1: think this is a very relatable and interesting topic. I
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  Speaker 1: didn't love dating. I didn't I wasn't great at it.
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  Speaker 1: It made me a lot more anxious than what I
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  Speaker 1: think was healthy. I would have good sometimes really good
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: times on dates, but leading up to those dates, it's
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  Speaker 1: all I can think about, Like I just couldn't like
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  Speaker 1: roll in, relax and have a good time. So this
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: is a skill set. I think it is a muscle
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  Speaker 1: that needs to be practiced and worked on to get
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: back out there again. You haven't done it. Let's just
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  Speaker 1: call it what it is. You're not great at dating
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  Speaker 1: right now because you haven't done it in so long.
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  Speaker 1: How are you going to get okay at dating again?
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  Speaker 1: How are you going to get this muscle flexed and
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  Speaker 1: worked out?
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  Speaker 2: I don't know, Ben, and I believe that our listeners
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  Speaker 2: are going to be quite surprised to hear this because
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: you're talking to two people here who went on national
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: television to date and find they're forever lasting love. So
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  Speaker 2: I always think that, and I'm I'm relatively an outgoing
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: human being. I'm very extroverted. I thrive on being with
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  Speaker 2: friends and being able to do social events and stuff
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  Speaker 2: with other people. But I am with you. I didn't
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  Speaker 2: love dating even when I was single, and I actually
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  Speaker 2: didn't love it when I was a bachelorette because I
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  Speaker 2: found it very hard to focus on multiple people at
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  Speaker 2: a time. I'm not a very good serial dater at that,
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  Speaker 2: like I don't. I can't focus really on more than
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  Speaker 2: one person at a time, and I most of that
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  Speaker 2: is just myself because I'm incredibly loyal and I need
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  Speaker 2: to just have one one thing, one man, one person
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  Speaker 2: to kind of put my time in energy in. I'm
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  Speaker 2: not very good at like disassociating when it comes to
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  Speaker 2: one person to another, to another and all of that.
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  Speaker 2: And I also don't like dating in the sense of
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  Speaker 2: going and sitting down at dinner and having to get
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  Speaker 2: to know someone you know like, which is weird for
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  Speaker 2: me because I truly can get to know a wall. Ben,
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  Speaker 2: like you could sit here for the next forty five
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  Speaker 2: minutes and not say a word and I'll believe this
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  Speaker 2: and be like, Ben is so great. We just had
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  Speaker 2: the most wonderful conversation ever.
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  Speaker 1: Please do job very easy.
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  Speaker 2: See see, So I can get to know someone and
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  Speaker 2: I can do a date. And I guess that's why
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  Speaker 2: I'm drawn to this Ben doing the podcast where someone
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  Speaker 2: else will do the betting for me, hopefully some good betting,
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  Speaker 2: and send me on dates with some really great people
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  Speaker 2: that a connection might be there. Because I'm also not
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  Speaker 2: I'm one of those women that I believe that chivalry
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  Speaker 2: is not dead. I'm not necessarily the girl in the
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  Speaker 2: grocery store who walks up to the handsome guy and
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  Speaker 2: is like, oh my god, hello, I'm divorce and single,
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  Speaker 2: are you Like? I don't do that. I wait to
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  Speaker 2: be approached, and I like for the man to be
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  Speaker 2: a man and to take the lead. I very much
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  Speaker 2: want that. I think that I am. I have so
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  Speaker 2: many parts of my life that I have to be
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  Speaker 2: really organized and I have to be in charge of
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  Speaker 2: and I have to lead all of those places and
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  Speaker 2: those pieces in my career and with the kids and
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  Speaker 2: paying bills and things like. I have to be an adult.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that the one thing that I have
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  Speaker 2: always desired in a relationship is for a man to
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  Speaker 2: do that part. I would love to be. And I'm
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: going to use the word submissive, which I hate because
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  Speaker 2: I am not a submissive human being. Like I'm very
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: much I'm a very strong, independent woman. But I think
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  Speaker 2: there is a place in a relationship that I've always crazed, craved,
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  Speaker 2: I'm sorry for a man to take the lead. That's
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  Speaker 2: the one place I don't really want to have to
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  Speaker 2: be in charge. And maybe that's why I'm still here,
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  Speaker 2: although you know, I haven't been able to find that.
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  Speaker 2: But and maybe that's ultimately why I went on the
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  Speaker 2: Bachelor and became the bachelorette. It was a unique space
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  Speaker 2: to meet someone to hopefully have a long lasting relationship,
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  Speaker 2: and so that's why I jumped on this opportunity too,
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  Speaker 2: because you know, when I'm at home, I have my kids,
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  Speaker 2: and when I'm at work, I'm traveling the world. And
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  Speaker 2: I love both of those pieces of my life and
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  Speaker 2: I'm in charge of those pieces, and those pieces I
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: can control, but I don't necessarily go out and meet
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  Speaker 2: guys to date to have that kind of part of
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  Speaker 2: my life. And so maybe that's why I jumped on
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  Speaker 2: this being able to do the podcast, because I like
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  Speaker 2: being able to give that control to you or anyone
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  Speaker 2: else that set me up on a date and hopefully
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  Speaker 2: it's somebody really great and it turns into something and
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  Speaker 2: I don't have to do the legwork to get there.
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  Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
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  Speaker 1: It makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of
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  Speaker 1: questions I want to ask from what you just said,
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  Speaker 1: but I think through this process, you know, you and
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  Speaker 1: I are just getting familiar with each other. And how
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  Speaker 1: this is going to work. I've always believed with any
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: of my girlfriends who are still single or have been
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  Speaker 1: single and have been a part of my life, my
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  Speaker 1: job is to not spew advice. One I don't have
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  Speaker 1: like the ultimate advice to give everybody. But I can
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  Speaker 1: ask questions that sometimes ruffle feathers, that sometimes bring to
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  Speaker 1: light maybe something you said or something you're doing to
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  Speaker 1: make us all think about it, and maybe you can
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  Speaker 1: convince me you know this is the right way to
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  Speaker 1: do it. I think the first part of this is
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  Speaker 1: you have just laid out your life currently and on
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  Speaker 1: the last time we sat down, you laid that same
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  Speaker 1: life out and you said, I have these kind of structures,
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  Speaker 1: these parts of my life where I have my kids
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  Speaker 1: and I'm focused on my kids and I love my kids.
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  Speaker 1: I have my job and I'm focused on my career
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  Speaker 1: and I love my career, and I get to travel
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  Speaker 1: the world. And then I have this really fun time
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  Speaker 1: where like maybe those two things aren't happening at you know,
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  Speaker 1: neither of them are existing for a couple of days,
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  Speaker 1: and you really love your alone time. Where are you
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  Speaker 1: going to find the space or let's ask you the
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  Speaker 1: question that I think so many want to know, do
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  Speaker 1: you actually want to find the space again?
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  Speaker 2: I do. I do, Actually, I really do. Something that
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  Speaker 2: I've said from the moment that I decided I was
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  Speaker 2: ready to start it to date again, because I think
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  Speaker 2: I shared with you before, I wasn't in that capacity
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  Speaker 2: for a really long time. I really chose and I
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  Speaker 2: have done this throughout every relationship that I've had. I
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  Speaker 2: really sit in a space of myself and find my again,
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  Speaker 2: and I really grieve that stuff. I am not one
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: to go back to relationships like once they are done,
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  Speaker 2: they're done for me. I'm not someone who lives in
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: the past. I heard this recently that when you the
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: past is depression, right to past his depression, future is
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  Speaker 2: anxiety that we all have to live in the present,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: right And I don't go back. I don't when relationships
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  Speaker 2: come to an end, I don't go back. And I
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: really utilize that space to sit with myself and to
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  Speaker 2: grieve and to find myself again and learn how to be,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: you know, and myself a woman alone, you know what
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: I mean. And I'm really okay with that. So I
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: didn't date for a really long time. I didn't have
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: any interest in it. I was with Stephen for fifteen years.
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  Speaker 2: I was really at a loss when that marriage came
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  Speaker 2: to an end, and I think that that's okay. I
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: had no desire to jump into another relationship, to focus
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: on another human being, to pour into them, to make
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: them feel loved and cared for, because I needed to
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: do that for myself. I needed to do that for
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: my children. They had been through a lot. And so
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  Speaker 2: I am just now in a space where I feel
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  Speaker 2: like I am personally ready to open that up. And
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  Speaker 2: for me, that's really great, and I feel really, you know,
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  Speaker 2: powerful in saying that, because I would have been doing
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  Speaker 2: not just myself a disservice, but another human being before
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  Speaker 2: a disservice, to just utilize them for a period of time.
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  Speaker 2: Because now I can say that I'm ready to do
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  Speaker 2: that now, I understand your question about clarity with my career, right.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not opposed to having someone that I genuinely care
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  Speaker 2: about in my children's life. It just had to be
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: the right person. So, and what I mean by that
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  Speaker 2: is that I don't want a revolving door for my children.
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  Speaker 2: In no way, shape or form. I need to date
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  Speaker 2: someone for a significant period of time before I have
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: them even around my children at all, you know, And
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  Speaker 2: that's something that I can control, and that something that
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: I will do for myself and for them, and I
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: believe that that is really important to them. I do
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: not want them to see every person that I date.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want them to see a revolving door of
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: men come in and out of my house. They don't
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: need a stepdaddy, right they have a dad. So I
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: am going to be really picky about that person that
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  Speaker 2: I choose to invest my time in, let alone have
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: around my children. So I think once that groundwork is there,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: then it will be easier for me to make those
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: spaces in my life combined right with my children, someone
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  Speaker 2: to live in my daily life, and I really want that.
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  Speaker 2: In the meantime, I might have to get creative, you know,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: and the times that I am home and I'm not
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: working and I don't have my children, that's a great
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: time for me to date. Or I have always really
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: wanted a partner that would like to travel the world
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: with me. I love my job, Ben, and I love
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: to travel the world. I love to see different cultures,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: different parts of the world. For parts of the United States.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I live for that and I have always genuinely wanted
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: someone who would enjoy doing that with me, and I've
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: never had that. I've never ever had that, not even
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: in my marriage. And so I also think that if
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: that's a place for creativity, if I'm able to find
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: someone that I really like, why not meet me when
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I'm in Cabo and date in Mexico. Why not meet
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: me when I'm across the world in South Africa and
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: let's go on a safari. I would really like to
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: meet someone that has the ability to do that. The
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: financial stability to do that would also be really cool.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not looking to be someone's sugar Mama Ben. I
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: realized that might come as a shock. Yeah, you know,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: and that's a big ask.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: I realized that's a big ask for someone.
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  Speaker 1: Before we start the rapid fire here and kind of
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: diving into what you're most attracted to, I want to
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: remind you of something. It has been fifteen sixteen years
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: since you were in the dating pool, and as you
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: were talking, I reminded myself of this. And in fact,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: about six months ago, I had a friend who's thirty one.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: She was wanting to find relationships so bad. She's always
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: struggled with it, and she called me and said, I've
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: met somebody and I think this is the right person
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: for me. And here's why they think it's the right
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: person for them. And I actually think this is simple
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: and brilliant all at the same time. And it's something
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: we forget because you know, we'll talk about red flags
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: in a bit. We'll talk about, as the kids say today,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: the ick. What gives you the ick? Like those things
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: that throw you off. Here's how she knew. And they're
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: gonna get married. They're engaged now. She wanted to be
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: around that person you just said it. Like the space.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: There'll be people you date where you're like, I really
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: have no desire to see them tomorrow on my off day,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: But then all of a sudden, there might be somebody
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: that comes through You're like, oh my gosh, I cannot
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: wait to see that person. Like this isn't a responsibility,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: this isn't a burden, this isn't a struggle. And I
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: want to remind you of that because it's been a bit.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: But that feeling does exist, and I think it really
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: is a big factor on is this the right person
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: or not? Do I want to see them tomorrow or
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: the next.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Day, I a thousand percent agree with you, because I
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: only barely dipped my toe into dating in the last year.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I tried the dating apps for a hot minute that
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: was it's just worse than anything else in the whole world.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Ben But I remember saying that to myself. You know,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: my girlfriends were super excited for me, because thankfully, my
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: friends think I'm pretty great, and they would like for
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: me to find someone really great. And when I would
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: go on a date, they'd be like, oh, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: what do you think, Or like when I would come
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: home from a trip, you know, a guy would be like,
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: let's go get dinner. And I would say that to myself.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: If I really liked someone, I would want to hang
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: out with them. I would want to use my spare
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: time to be with them. And I have not experienced that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: When I come home from a trip, I have not
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: found anyone. Not that I've dated a lot, Okay, only
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: a few people, but none of those few people have
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I come home from a trip and thought I'd love
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: to go out and see that person and grab dinner. No,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to take my shoes off and lie
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: on my own couch and make myself dinner and eat
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: alone and watch what I wanted on television, like I
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: knew in my heart of hearts that should tell me something.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I agree, No, I think that's a good marker. We
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: are going to work our hardest to find you some
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: incredible people to date, and you will date them, and
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: they might be incredible and you might have something with
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: them or you might not. That is not the pressure
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: that you need to feel or should feel. That's part
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: of dating. And I think that's what's so fun about
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: this show is going to give people an insight. And
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: as you said, you're great at describing and explaining your
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: feelings and your emotions and your thoughts on what you
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: were into and what you weren't. And I think a
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: lot of people are going to relate with it when
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: they listen and say, wait, I felt that same way.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Now she's putting words to what I felt in a
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: way I could never do it. And that's what I'm
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: excited about. But I want to dive in here, uh
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: to find out kind of what we're looking for when
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: we go out here on our search. It's not going
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: to be a hard search. I have a feeling there's
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: going to be many men going hey, I would like
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: to date her. But let's start with an easy softball question.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: When I ask you, who is your celebrity crush, first
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: person that comes to mind.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: I hate this question. Then I don't have one.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I truly, yes, you do. Who do you find attractive? Then?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Are you a George Clooney? Are you a brad person?
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Are you no?
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Who was I looking at the other day that I
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: was like, goodness, that dude is handsome.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, they're handsome. I think this is Okay, let me.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: This is a bad question for me because in my
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: career I have flown a lot of celebrities and I
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: am not I'm the least fangirl kind of person. I
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: never had that. You know, everybody has that like list
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: that that that list that even if you were with someone,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: you could sleep with those people your crush. I just, yeah,
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I don't have any of that. I really don't. Like.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I can appreciate handsome, but like, yeah, I've never thought
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: I want to haul pass to be able to sleep
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: with bread.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Okay, Then let's start with this you
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: mentioned on the last episode, and it's clear to your
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: friends and your followers and your fans that your faith
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: is really important to you, and it is not just
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: a faith of words, but this is a not only
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: a lifestyle. This has your relationship with your faith has
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: changed your life from the inside out. So as a result,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: is faith a massive I don't want to say issue
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: that makes face sound like an issue. Is faith important
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: to you and your next partner?
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: It's very important for me if I am going to
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: date someone long term and have a long term relationship, partnership,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: companionship with someone. Yeah, I ideally would like to date
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: someone who believes in God and believes in Jesus. That's
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: what I do. I want. I envision myself to holding
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: a man's hand at church on Sundays like I would
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: really love that. So ultimately, long term for me, those
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: things have to coincide.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's it adds a depth to
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: the relationship. How in the world are you supposed to
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: confront any type of difficult conversation if the two of
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: you aren't coming from a similar place. And this is
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: what we believe about humans, and this is what we
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: believe about the world around us. So I do think
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: it adds a depth for long standing relationships.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I start my day in prayer, and I end
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: it in prayer, and I would love to do that
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: with someone.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I think that's fair. Okay, that's good. That's a really
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: good marker. As we begin this, and you know, in
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: the same breath we've seen it. You know more and
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: more where you know there's single dads out there, they're
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: they're wanting to date, and they're they're speaking the same
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: kind of language you're speaking, where it's like, I don't
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I want to date, but I don't know if I
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: have the time or the space, the abilities. When you
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: think about a single dad with kids, still raising children,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: is that something that's attractive to you. Is that something
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: that's just the Hey, that's cool, or is this a no,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: a non starter like I can't also add in those kids.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: No, it's super attractive to me, been for many reasons.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: For starters. They will understand what I'm going through. They
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: will understand my lifestyle. They will understand that some days,
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: a date does not mean dinner at six o'clock. It
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: means let's grab coffee after we drop our children off
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: at school. Let's get lunch on Wednesday, because our children
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: don't get out until two thirty in the afternoon. So
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: for me, that's really attractive for that like scheduling piece,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: but also for someone who doesn't have children, they'll, I mean,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: and I say this in the kindest way possible, They're
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: never going to be able to understand when I say, no,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: you know what, my children need me tonight, I can't
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: meet you this evening. They might be kind about it,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: but for me, I think that there will come a
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: point where that will become a point of resentment because
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I'm always going to choose my kids over someone else.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to I'm their mom and those are
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: my kids. So there's also that emotional piece that for me,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: a single dad is going to understand that that first
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: and foremost, I'm a single mom and my children are
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: really important to me, and a single dad we'll also
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: get that. So there's a scheduling piece, there's the emotional piece,
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: and then I would like to think at some point,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: if it gets to that, then there's the piece of
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: combining families, you know what I mean. Like that, ultimately,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: if I'm looking really far down the road and I
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: don't have anyone, you know what I mean. But in
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: my mind, when I'm looking at the long term and
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: down the road of things. That's what I would like
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: to have. Someone who understands parenthood because again I've shared
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: with you, I don't want more children. I will be
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: forty four this year. I have no desire to be
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: pregnant again and breastfeeding for another year year and the
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: lack of sleep and up every few hours. You know
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: it very well, Ben, I don't have a desire to
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: do that again. But I think I can be a
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: really incredible stepmom. I think I can.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's always so beautiful no matter what
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: life has brought. You know, these people together to see,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: you know, you go to the zoo and you see
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: you can tell two families having fun. Usually the kids
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: are very similar in age, which doesn't like always get
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: to exist when you know, because you wait a year
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: or two years to have your next kid. So sometimes
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: there's like similar age groups that can play together and
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: have fun together. I think it's a beautiful thing. And
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I get what you're saying too. When it talk when
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: you talk about space and when you talk about obligations,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: and when you talk about the things that are important
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: to you, somebody with kids will get that. They'll understand it.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: It won't have to be explained to them. They'll be like,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, that's fine. Actually, tonight I wanted
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: to sit at home too, because I haven't been without
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: the kids for the last two weeks. I'm exhausted. So yeah,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to sit on the couch and maybe I'll
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: text you let's.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Order take out of watch a movie and I have
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: to get dressed. Like that sounds ideal. The other thing
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: that I didn't hit on is what I don't want
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: is someone who doesn't have children. They either haven't had
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: the opportunity to have children so they still want children,
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: or they just genuinely don't want children. Right. I can't
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: live in either one of those spaces been because I
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: don't want any more children. And the other piece is
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I could date someone who has
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: never had a desire to have children, because then to
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: incorporate them in my life because I love my children
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: a whole lot and expect them to love them too,
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: as prob not gonna happen, and either way of the spectrum,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: ben it will ultimately lead to resentment. And I'm not
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: saying that in a negative way. I'm just pretty rational
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: when it comes to that.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you've thought this through, You're gonna be a tough
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: one because you've thought like, we can't trick you here,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Like there's not like a no give him a shot?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe you know what?
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: A lot of people are always like, oh my god,
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: would you do the Bachelorette again? I'm like no, because
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: when I was twenty six I was very naive. I
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: am no longer very naive. I would stand up for
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: myself and I have an opinion and I feel really
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: strongly about that.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: What are some red flags that stand out to you?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: If there's any that you've kind of figured out in
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: a human that right away is like Nope, not going
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to work.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: A grown man who lives at home with his mom
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: and dad. That's wild, pretty tough at this age. Someone
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: who you know. I don't know that I was ever
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: taught to have a conversation, but I believe there is
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: a point in conversation where you you ask genuine questions
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: if you want to get to know someone. And so
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: someone who you sit down to talk to and doesn't
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: ask you a single question about yourself, that to me
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: is a red flag, like that they don't try to
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: get to know me. And again, I try to be
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: really graceful, because I could get to know the wall
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: in this room Ben really well and walk out of
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: here and think that was a great conversation. But someone
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: that you sit down with and speak to for thirty
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: minutes or an hour and they don't ask you one
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: thing about yourself, to me, that's a red flag.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: You're the easiest date in the world, by the way.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, all I would have to do is show
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: up and ask you one question and then I would Yeah,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I'd be like awesome, Like all the stress is gone.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: So anybody listening that will be maybe added to this show.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: Just think of like four or five good questions for
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the first date when you're super nervous and let things fly,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: like just sit back and relax.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she's I got Smiths shoes. Another one is
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: eye contact. That's really important to me. I have always
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: thought from her young age is someone who cannot hold
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: or make eye contact is a huge red flag to
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: me because if you're looking at it scientifically, it usually
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: means that they're a liar. And the other piece is
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: it also tells confidence level. So I personally and again
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: these are my things. So just stating that Ben, I
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: don't I'm not saying this is everyone, and maybe this
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: is a little judgmental on my part. I find it
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: unattractive to be sitting with a man who cannot hold
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: eye contact because that immediately tells me he's either not
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: mature or he's not confident enough. And I don't care
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: what you look like physically. Confidence is truly really attractive.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's my next question, and we're getting close to
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: the end here because we're kind of getting an idea
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: of what we're looking for. You just mentioned you said
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: the words you don't care what they look like physically.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Do you mean that statement or is that just you
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: speaking out?
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Is there physical attributes that you are at least attractive?
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Superficial humans that like I right, we're all self centered,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: we're all centers. There's a little bit in all of us. Okay,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I say that meaning for me, confidence and personality is
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: really important to me. It truly is. You could be
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: the hottest guy and six foot three tall, dark and handsome,
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: and have the complete worst personality possible, and that immediately
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: turns me off. Okay, but I am also an adult
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: woman and understand that physical attraction is important. I can
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: usually usually again, I haven't dated in a long time. No,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: right off the bat, if I am physically attracted to someone,
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I can usually determine if I believe in the first
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: fifteen to twenty minutes if it is worth a second date.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: And that would mean if I am physically attracted to
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: someone and if the personality is there. I love a
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: funny guy, love a funny guy. When I first came
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: on to The Bachelor and and people were like, oh,
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Bob Guiney was our best Bachelor ever, and I was like,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I don't get it. I don't get it. You know
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Bob really well. Two seconds into talking to Bob, I
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I bet you those girls were all
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: up in his bed because he has the best personality
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: and he's so funny.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Rumors are they were the rumor.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Hey listen, I have heard the rumors too. He is
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: one of the naughtiest bachelors in the history of the show.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: But I get it.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: I get it. He's funny, he's charismatic, he's confident, you know,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: he's just all around a great guy. And yeah, that's
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: important to me, Like I want that. I want that,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: and so but I also there has to be physical
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: attraction and someone needs to listen.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: I'm on here. You're trying to find me a date,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: but someone also needs to be physically attracted to me.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out to Bob Guiney real quick. Bob guinea
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: is down twenty five pounds currently, so this guy is
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: not only getting more attractive with age, he's also still
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: funny and confident. Goodness gracious, he's the man. He's the man.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I love that guy. Okay, well, we're going to close
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: up here with this. Now we've talked about the physical attributes, confidence, personality, caring,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: a conversation, a good listener. I mean, I think our
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: options here are fairly expansive, which I'm excited about because
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of really maybe uniquely interesting
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: people who are great, who you maybe wouldn't have gone
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: on a date with unless it was set up. And
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm excited about when it comes to this
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: experience is we get to kind of look and support
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: you from behind the scenes.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, when you find me one Ben, make sure
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: that he understands that chivalry is not dead. Okay, I'm
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: from the South. I would love for someone to open
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: up my car door for me.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: You know, my wife's dad opens up the car door
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: for or mom at every stop we make when I'm
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: there in the South.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: It's a big deal, wonderful. My high school boyfriend, I
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: dated him for five years and there was not a
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: door that I went through. He had lots of other issues,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, but there wasn't a door that
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: I walked through that he didn't open it up for me.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: And I remember thinking like that, I just I just
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: really appreciated that a man who puts a woman first, Right,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: that's I just to me, that's important. I would like that.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful. Okay. So the big question, the one
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: you probably have him and asked in a long time,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: what are your physical boundaries on a first day? And
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I'll make it easier for you to answer. If you're
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: having a great time, let's start with the kiss. And
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: somebody tries to kiss you on a first day at
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: this point in your life, do you lean in or
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: do you lean back?
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: No, if I'm feeling it, I would kiss on a
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: first date. I mean I've been I believe that it
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: is well known at this point in my life that
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I am not a virgin. I've had at least two children.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a headline. Yeah.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: No, if I'm feeling it and I'm attracted to someone
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: and it's a great date, I'm down for a first kiss.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a little flirting, little touching right small of your back.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: You know, you want to feel like someone's attracted to you.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, especially a concert. You said you didn't really know
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: how to do it at a concert, like how to
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: flirt and stuff.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Listen. I tried to flirt in it did not go well. Listen.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: We saw these cute I don't know what it is
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: about women with men in uniform, Like we're really into
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: firefighters and police officers and military men. Just put us
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: in a uniform. I did four tours to Iraq in
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Afghanistan when I was single, and it was like a
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: kid in a candy land. Yeah, we try to flirt
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: with these firefighters. They were not paying us any attention whatsoever.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: We're all dressed cute and around the beach and we're
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: just feeling ourselves and we're listening to Gwenn, having our
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: best times, and we purposely go and stand in front
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: of these four firefighters and they're so cute. They don't
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: pay us any attention whatsoever. So we turn around some
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: there's all these kids smoking pod these days. I don't
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: understand it, but just you know, it's freaks whatever. We
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: kind of turn around and we look at them. We're like,
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: not you guys smoking, is it? And they're like, no,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: we're on the job. Jokes on us then, you know,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: and that was it, Like they didn't pay us any
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: more attention. We were kind of like, wh as we
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: better go, you know.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is gonna be fun. I can't wait
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: for the audio at this thing when we hear what
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: kind of pickup lines you're throwing.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Man, it's time to go.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is getting weird. Pull pull me. Uh. Thank
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: you for being so open here about what you're attracted to,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: what you're into, what you're not into, what the future
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: could look like. We are opening up the applications, We
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: are sifting through all the prospects, and I am so
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: excited to follow and kind of walk alongside this journey
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: with you. But until the next time, thanks for joining today.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: Thanks Jan you never know it