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155 // This ADHD Habit is Destroying Your Happiness · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  This one habit could be destroying your ability to even feel content in your own life.
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  And if we look at what we want from life, I think a lot of us,
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  we want to feel content. We want to live a meaningful life that has purpose
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  and where we're able to feel happy or content.
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  So in today's episode, I'm going to talk about how we are sucked into this habit,
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  why it happens, and what we can do about it instead.
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  Are you tired of feeling like you don't fit in? Like you're not good enough the way you are?
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  In this podcast, I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence
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  so you can know in your heart that you do belong.
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  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey Spronk.
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  And today we're going to be talking about a destructive habit that could be
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  destroying your happiness or your ability to be content.
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  Now I'm going to go through different reasons of why we are tempted by this
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  habit, how we do this, what the Bible has to say about it, and then what we can do about it.
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  So make sure you stick around till the end where I will give you seven tips
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  for what you can do about this.
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  So what is this thing that we do? We compare. We compare ourselves to other
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  people. We compare ourselves to who we used to be.
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  We compare ourselves to who we think we should be moving forward, who we thought we were.
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  There are all sorts of different kinds of comparison.
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  We even compare other people to other people, not even including ourselves.
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  It is something that we are so drawn to.
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  But where does comparison get us?
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  Self-defeat or momentary pride? What
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  I mean by that is that often when we compare and we look at, you know,
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  that person seems to be doing so well and they look successful and they don't
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  seem to be struggling the way I am and everything in their life just looked perfect.
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  We can experience that self-defeat, feeling like we are not doing enough or
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  we're not doing a good enough job.
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  And we can therefore sometimes make the wrong assumption that we are not enough, which is not true.
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  But that's shame when we internalize that and make it about our identity.
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  We can feel like, you know, maybe we haven't accomplished enough in life or whatever it is.
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  But there's always that side of comparison where we feel that not enoughness.
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  On the flip side though sometimes we compare and
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  we purposely look at people who seem to be
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  doing worse than us and that gives us that
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  sense of pride but the problem is is that it
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  first of all that's not what we're called to do is you know gloat over others
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  and you know feel that pride about feeling like we're better than other people
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  but also it's very momentary and that is not a solid foundation on which to
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  build our confidence if our confidence is based on other people doing worse than us,
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  that is going to be a very shaky foundation.
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  In 1 Corinthians 12, 18, and 27, it says, but in fact, God has arranged the
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  parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.
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  Now, you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
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  We are each designed to play a different role.
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  And if we spend our time in comparison, we not only feel miserable,
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  but we're also missing out on what God has called us to,
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  on following the calling that's actually going to make us feel fulfilled and
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  like we're following the right thing in our life, which,
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  if you ask me, brings a lot more contentment.
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  Why do we compare i believe
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  we compare from a place of
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  survival we're asking you know
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  am i safe am i good enough do do i have value am i lovable am i doing enough
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  or am i doing well enough at what i'm doing we ask these questions because we
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  want to feel that sense of safety that knowing that yes, we are enough.
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  Yes, we are doing enough. Yes, we are doing a good enough job at what we're doing.
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  We, you know, it's part of our, what we're searching for, right?
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  We're searching for that wholeness, which we're not going to get on this side
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  of heaven, but we are searching for that.
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  We're looking at, you know, am I enough? And so often we compare.
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  And that's where I think we go wrong because when we compare to others,
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  it robs us of our joy and our contentment.
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  And it also doesn't really tell us where to go next. We're looking in the wrong place.
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  We need to look to God and ask him and say, hey, what are you calling me to?
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  I look back at, you know, a few years ago, I started a clothing business.
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  It was a maternity and nursing activewear.
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  Started it from scratch. I loved it. It was so much fun. But at a point,
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  it didn't feel like it really matched who God had created me to be.
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  And it was really difficult to let go. I looked at, you know,
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  other social media accounts of businesses that had clothing companies,
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  and I struggled with comparing.
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  But every time I did, I felt awful.
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  I felt like a failure. I felt like I was never going to make it.
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  And I started, you know, spiraling and catastrophizing, you know.
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  Everyone's going to laugh at me and they're going to think I'm a failure.
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  And, you know, maybe I am a failure.
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  And it was coming from a place of where I wasn't doing something that matched
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  what God was calling me to.
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  There was some parts of it that were good, but it wasn't the right match.
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  And so when I felt like God was saying, hey, you know what?
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  Starting a podcast. And then he brought more and more clarity as I,
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  you know, stepped forward in obedience.
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  And now being able to do something that I love, being able to be with you here,
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  being able to be with you via one-on-one life and ADHD coaching,
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  I have so much more contentment.
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  And guess what? I am so much less likely, less tempted to compare with others.
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  And when I do, it still brings that sense of, you know, am I doing enough?
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  So I want to give you seven tips here, if you are struggling with comparison,
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  with asking that internal question of, am I enough?
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  Am I doing enough? Or am I doing a good enough job?
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  Number one, I want you to just become aware, become aware of when this is happening,
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  of when you are most likely to be tempted towards comparison.
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  Is it in the evening when you're really tired? Maybe you're scrolling on your phone.
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  Is it, you know, first thing in the morning? Is it when you go to certain places?
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  Are there certain apps on your phone? Just become aware.
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  And the second part that goes along with that is give yourself grace.
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  And what I mean by that is if we're already struggling with comparison,
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  which I think everyone does, we don't want to add on that guilt and that shame
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  saying, what's wrong with me?
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  Why do I always do this? Why am I like this? We don't want that. Give yourself grace.
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  Know that we all are in the place of comparing at some point or another.
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  It's not a character flaw. It's not about who you are.
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  And then number three, this is a slightly different one, but I want you,
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  if you are stuck in a place of comparison or when you have that awareness and
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  that grace of comparing to others, of who you thought you'd be,
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  of who you wish you could be, whatever it is.
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  Grieve. I want you to allow yourself to grieve.
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  And what I mean by this is that maybe the things that you're comparing are not
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  shallow things about appearance and, you know, what kind of car somebody drives
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  or what their house looks like.
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  Maybe you're grieving real things that are difficult. Maybe you're grieving
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  that your parent is not who you thought they would be or who you need them to be in your life.
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  Maybe you're grieving the loss of a parent or the loss of a loved one.
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  And you look at other people and you see that they have those things that you
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  so badly wish that you had.
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  It's okay to grieve. It's important to grieve. It's important to allow yourself
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  to feel those emotions and go through those emotions instead of bottling them
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  up or pushing them aside, which my experience is not,
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  they're not going to go away. They're just going to be there under the surface.
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  Number four, if you are struggling with comparison in ADHD, I want you to learn who you are.
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  And I've talked about this a lot in the podcast. So if you're not sure what
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  I mean, go back and listen to some other episodes.
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  But essentially learn you know
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  what do you enjoy what brings you life what do
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  you have to offer to the world and i don't mean that in a in a challenging way
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  but i mean we all have something to offer we all have something beautiful about
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  who we are we have gifts we have talents we have a calling that god has for
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  our life which is actually number five so learn what god is calling you to.
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  And then number six, pursue God's plan for your life.
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  So learning about who you are, who God's created you to be, what are the things
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  that are life-giving for you.
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  So for me, for example, being in community with people, being in large groups
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  of people, or being one-on-one, getting to ask deep questions and learn the
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  heart of who someone is, brings me so much joy.
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  It fills my cups so that I can then pour out in the rest of my life.
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  Something else for me is exercise. Moving my body also brings me a lot of joy and a lot of energy.
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  So it's those things about learning who you are and then learning where God's calling you to.
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  What kind of skills and gifts did
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  He give you and how can you use those to pursue His plan for your life?
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  So I believe that God wanted me to be right here he wanted
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  you to be right here where you are learning this
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  being here with me being reminded of the fact that he loves you just as you
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  are and that he has a plan for your life that he has equipped you for and that
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  you need to trust him and you need to rely on him for it but that he has this
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  beautiful plan for your life number seven.
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  If you are stuck in comparison, I want you to work on focusing on others,
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  focusing on loving and serving others instead of comparing your life to theirs.
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  And what this does is that it turns the focus away from ourselves and onto others.
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  And what this can do is it can give us a better perspective.
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  It can give us something positive to do because often our brains,
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  our beautifully creative brains, can think of all of these, you know,
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  creative negatives, essentially, when we compare and we can put ourselves down
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  and shame ourselves and we can spiral.
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  But when we are able to know who
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  we are and know our worth and then look outward
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  and see you know that person over there
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  looks discouraged how can we just go say hey you know what I really like that
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  purse that you have or hey how's it going whatever it is start up a conversation
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  say something here and there maybe it's just a smile maybe it's something small
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  depending on what your comfort level is and how extroverted you are or aren't.
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  I hope there was something from today's episode that encourages you.
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  I'm going to do a quick recap.
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  But I want you to remember, you're not alone if you often get caught in comparison. I think we all do.
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  But also remember that comparison is not going to get us to where we want to be.
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  It's when we are able to let go of that comparison and focus on who God has
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  designed us to be and really hone in on that and then go out and serve and love others.
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  That is where we're going to find that true contentment. relying on God for
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  telling us where, you know, where we need to go, and then also relying on Him
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  for our strength as well.
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  So seven steps, become aware, give yourself grace, grieve what you wish would have been true,
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  learn who you are, learn what God's calling you to, pursue His plan for your
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  life, and focus on loving and serving others.
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  Thank you so much for being here with me today. Until next time, God bless.
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  Bye.