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How narcissists play defense against you when they feel attacked · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammett,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time I see my
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  face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise the
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  words for NPD. Get more people in the therapy
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  and also validate the victim, survivors and the thrivers of
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  said disorder, said Toxic people, said Toxic Trace.
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  Today's episode is going to be about darvo and narcissist.
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  Darvo, DARVO and narcissist Y'all.
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  Before we hop into today's episode, y'all want to make sure
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  that y'all take a look at the Selflove brand.
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  This is newly available in the selflove shop.
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  I love me. I'm capable, I'm capable.
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  Y'all see that this is the new one.
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  I did. I I just put this on it just got
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  it out the middle. In the link is in the bio.
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  Y'all link is in the description of every video podcast that I
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  do. But yeah, Y'all Darvo, Darvo,
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  Darvo. If you don't know what Darvo is,
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  it's it's an acronym that stands for Deny Attack.
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  Reverse victim and offender. So I used to think Darvo was 5
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  stages because it has 5 letters, but a lot of people think break
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  it down into 3 stages. The first stage is deny, the
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  second stage is the attack, and then the third stage is the
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  reverse victim and offender okay.
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  So we're going to talk about it, how narcissistic people use this
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  and also give you the perspective of a narcissist when
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  they're when we they we are using this tactic and whatnot.
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  Y'all so. Also, before we hop on today's
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  episode, y'all guess what today is.
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  Guess what today is? It is my 38th birthday.
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  Yep, Yep Yep. Lee, have it July 14th, 1985.
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  Today is my birthday. So yes I may cancer.
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  Y'all. If you made it this way, I'll
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  put a birthday cake in the comment section.
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  Y'all know I don't like my birthday.
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  I don't like it, but I appreciate.
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  Y'all too. I'm super thankful.
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  But yeah, deny. Attack reverse victim and
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  offender. I forgot, I just hop back into
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  this y'all. So the first stage is to deny
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  y'all. If you come to a narcissistic
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  person with an accusation, they we are typically typically going
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  to deny it And like you can have all as much proof as you like.
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  You can have as many witnesses as you like, you can have as
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  much evidence as you like, whatever you have, it does not
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  matter. I'm going to deny it because the
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  because if I accept accountability, it brings me so
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  much shame and it makes me feel like I'm a bad person.
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  Yeah, but might could I be a bad person in this moment?
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  Yeah, but I feel like the worst person on a planet of Earth.
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  No matter how big or small the action that I have done is, it
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  can be a small minute action. But it makes me feel like I
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  just, I I've destroyed the world in some way, shape or forms.
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  I feel horrible right now. You know what I mean?
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  You see what I'm saying in the monitoring a lot of narcissists
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  and talks to people, we feel horrible.
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  Like if we just try to, we have to shake loose of it.
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  So we're going to deny, deny, deny until the end of times,
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  regardless of whether we've done it or not.
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  But typically you see in situation like this, if you have
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  proof and evidence, I always tell people like you don't
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  really need a confession anyway because.
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  When you need a confession from a narcissist, it typically leads
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  into the the the stages of darvo where they're going to try to
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  gas like the hell out of you and make you feel like you're crazy
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  for even accusing this, accusing them of this, or, you know, make
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  you feel bad or whatever the situation is in the dynamic.
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  So the narcissist person, no matter how much proof or
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  evidence you have, is still going to deny it.
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  Y'all. Deny, deny, deny.
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  Like I said, like you don't need a confession.
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  You don't need proof If you have.
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  You don't need a confession. You don't need them to, to tell
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  you that they've done wrong. I know people.
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  I know people want to feel like it's like, really, I just want
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  want them to hold them accountable.
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  I want them to know that I know. Yeah, even if you they know that
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  you know, it doesn't really change anything.
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  They don't think you're going to leave them.
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  And if you do leave them, they're going to make you feel
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  bad or they're going to go crazy or they're going to move on
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  really quickly. Like you said, a lot of
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  narcissistic people don't really care about the don't really care
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  about what they've done wrong to you.
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  They just don't want to want you to hold them accountable for and
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  we don't want to definitely don't want to hold ourselves
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  accountable for it. So that's definitely not going
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  to happen. Y'all.
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  So they're going to keep denying until the end of earth.
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  So whether or not you can hold them, like whether or not they
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  plea, even in court cases, y'all you see them using Darvo, they
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  deny deny deny all evidence like look at Alex, Alex Murdoff their
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  lawyer from South Carolina, the unaligned, his his wife and his
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  son evidence. Guilty like everybody else sees
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  it. Voice on camera.
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  He's the only. He's the only suspect, you know
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  what I mean? Still denied it.
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  I did not kill Paw, Paw or Maggie, you know.
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  At the end of the day, still did it.
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  Deny, deny, deny. They don't care how much
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  evidence you have. Yeah, they can be delusional as
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  hell. Some people might not actually
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  believe that they've done it, you know?
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  So the second stage, Y'all. If you transition to the second
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  stage of Darrow, it's the attack stage, Attack Attack attack.
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  While they're so before or doing the deny stage, they can start
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  attacking you. Why are you doing this to me?
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  You're trying to ruin the family.
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  You're trying to do. You're trying to do this.
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  Why are you bringing this up right now?
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  Why are you doing this right now?
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  You see what I'm saying? I got to go to work in the
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  morning. You going to tell?
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  You going to tell me this right before I go to sleep?
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  I got to go to school tomorrow. I got to test tomorrow.
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  I got to take the kids somewhere tomorrow.
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  I got to do this tomorrow. I got to blah blah, blah, blah
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  Boo Boo Boo BBB. Why are you doing this?
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  They will attack you. Y'all.
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  They will start saying some of the meanest, most heartless,
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  evil things to you just because you're trying to hold them
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  accountable. How wild is that right there?
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  Y'all, How wild is it in that space right there?
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  How wild is that? Because they will absolutely try
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  to hold you accountable for what you have done to them.
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  It's just wild. Y'all it is wild.
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  They will try to hold you accountable for what you have
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  done to them. They will attack you and hurt
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  your feelings. They look a lot of times when
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  you get to this stage right here, y'all when they attack
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  you, you get scared to go further.
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  Like once they start attacking you, you get scared to bring
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  things up in the future because you're afraid they're going to
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  attack you again. You, like they attacked me
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  before. They're going to attack me
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  again. They're going to keep attacking
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  me and they're going to keep hurting my feelings.
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  It hurts my feelings when they attack me.
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  If I feel this, when they attack me, this, you know?
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  So you sometimes, if they condition you in this stage,
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  right here, at this step, right here in the attack stage, they
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  condition you to never bring stuff up again or to keep your
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  damn mouth shut or you're going to get attacked.
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  They're going to bring up your childhood trauma.
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  They're going to weaponize anything you told them in the
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  past. They're going to threaten to
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  expose you to your friends for things that you might have said
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  to them in confidence about your friends or your family members
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  or your boss or your coworkers, whoever they're going to make.
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  They're going to attack you with everything that they have y'all.
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  Even if the accusation of what you have done, of what you're
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  accusing them of, even if it's small y'all.
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  It's like you. It's like you fired an arrow at
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  them and they try to drop a nuke on you.
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  You said say you literally take a boat, like not even a real bow
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  and arrow. Y'all like what?
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  You know, those bow and arrows. Back in the day we had a little
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  the little suction cup at the end of it.
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  Like when you shoot stuff against the wall, it's like when
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  you take it and you shoot it and it sticks against the wall.
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  That's what they like. You shoot them with that you
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  like. Here, here's the bow and arrow
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  with a suction cup on the end of it and it hits them and they
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  literally pull out the, what's it called, the little black box
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  or the red box the president didn't get and drop a nuke on
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  you. Nuclear code.
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  Give me the nuke. Give me the nuclear codes right
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  now. Like why they just hit you with
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  a bow and arrow with a suction cup on it and why do you need
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  the nuke. Give me the code right now.
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  Give me the little black box right now.
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  Give it a red box. 1 put the red button.
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  They want to destroy you. They want to make you seem like
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  they want to make it to the point where you never want to
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  bring up stuff again. Y'all and shifting to the last
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  part of darvo and narcissist y'all the last thing the RVO
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  reverse victim and offender in this stage right here is when a
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  narcissistic person, if the if the attack does or doesn't work,
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  a lot of times they will shift to reverse victim and offender
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  which means they will flip it onto you.
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  I'm the victim. Just like when I was just like
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  doing an attack stage. When I said I got to work in the
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  morning, I got to do this in the morning.
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  Why are you bringing this up right now?
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  I got I you know, I just got off of work.
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  You know, I, you know, I've been at home all day.
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  You whatever the situation is now, they're going to play the
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  victim. I can't believe you would do
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  this to me. I can't believe you would break
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  it with me over this. I can't believe you would break
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  the family up. I can't believe this right here
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  is your fault. They're starting to blame you.
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  They will play the in this stage right here.
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  Y'all. They will play the damn victim
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  and blame you for every single thing that is happening in this
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  relationship dynamic and in this relationship space.
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  It is somehow, some way, shape or form going to be your fault.
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  Bully. How do we stop that?
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  Y'all. You can't stop them from blaming
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  you. They're going to put it onto
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  you. Like I said in the beginning,
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  doesn't matter what you have on them.
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  You can, you can have a private investigator.
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  A damn film. A private investigator that has
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  a film crew. That is, the film crew is led by
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  James Cameron or Steven Spielberg or some of those
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  famous directors. You can have a film crew led by
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  one of them. The private investigator can
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  hire one of them. Track this dude, put it into a
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  movie format, play it or this woman, this person.
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  Play it for them and they still deny it.
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  I can't believe you spent our kids college fun.
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  To track me? Wow.
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  I make sure to tell the kids after you break the family that
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  they can't go to college because you hired a private
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  investigator. It's your fault.
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  They're going to blame you for this job.
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  It's somehow, some way, shape or form going to be your fault.
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  It just is. They're going to play the victim
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  like most narcissistic people do in the circumstance.
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  If they yelling and screaming doesn't work somehow, they're
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  going to. They might start crying and
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  begging, pleadings, not rolling from their nose.
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  You know, eye boogers everywhere, ear, you know,
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  sticking stuff in their ears, trying to trying to put a spoon
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  or fork in a knife in a in a in a power socket.
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  They're trying to do anything to divert attention for what
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  they've actually done to you. And does it work sometimes?
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  Yeah, it does work sometimes. You see this person acting
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  childish and blaming you and doing all this stuff to you.
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  Of course it's sometimes it is going to work and it's not me
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  trying to blame y'all you love and care about this person and
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  they are just mentally, verbally, physically assaulting
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  you, you know, emotionally assaulting you.
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  Sometimes, like I say, they will hit you out.
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  They will hit you. Let's let's talk about it from
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  the physical, physically abusive standpoint.
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  They can put their hands on you, right Then they'll deny that
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  they hit you. Like they can literally slap you
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  across the face and they they will just like, well, my, you
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  know, they literally punch you in the face.
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  But then, like, my hand wasn't closed.
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  You know, my hand was not closed.
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  My hand was open. And I wasn't really trying to
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  hit you. My I was swinging my hands.
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  You walked into it, you know, and it's really is your fault.
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  You did. Yeah.
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  Yeah. If you were so lazy and shit
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  like that. I'm going to swing my hands in
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  the 1st place out of frustration.
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  And now then I hit you. You're going to call the police
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  on me and now you'll get me locked up and it's going to be
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  your fault because you broke the family.
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  You said I just went through that really, that that quickly
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  out after I hit you. You see what I'm saying?
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  I'm not going to hit nobody. I'm not a physically busy
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  person. It's not me.
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  I'm just saying. In that space, y'all I know,
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  emotional abuse not, is not even better, any better.
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  But that's what I'm saying. A lot of times in these unique
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  spaces and these unique dynamics, they're going to try
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  to find a way to flip it onto you.
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  Because it Yeah, narcissist, the people don't want to be held
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  accountable because the shame, the shame that comes along with
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  it, narcissist, the people would rather compound the shame rather
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  than just deal with it and hold them accountable, hold
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  themselves accountable. It's how it happens all the
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  time. Y'all I'm going to my next video
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  is going to be just about the y'all compounding the shame and
• 11:33
  not dealing with their issues, Not dealing with our issues
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  because I have my own issues as well.
• 11:37
  Y'all meet with y'all let me hop out this day.
• 11:40
  I'm going to the Luke Combs concert in Charlotte, NC
• 11:44
  tomorrow night and then Sunday I'll be at the Erykah Badu
• 11:47
  concert. So if y'all are in this area,
• 11:49
  shoot me an e-mail and say, hey Lee, I'm going to Luke Combs,
• 11:51
  you know. Hey Lee, I'm going to Erykah
• 11:52
  Badu. And if Y'all in the North
• 11:53
  Carolina area, maybe we can tailgate or something like that.
• 11:56
  Meet with y'all. I like to subscribe for more and
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  happy birthday. I'm I'm.
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