Transcript

164. C-T-F-A-R · Impact Ready

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Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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Hi, team. Welcome to the show.
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Today in this episode, I want to shed a little bit more light on
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what to do with the limiting beliefs or the negative stories
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that you might have bouncing around in your head.
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A common conversation with coaching clients is OK.
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It's great that I have this new awareness of my limiting beliefs
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or my saboteurs or my negative stories.
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Those words are all kind of interchangeable in the coaching
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space. It's great that I have this
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awareness. Thank you so much.
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Now I'm just very hyper aware that I have all these limiting
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beliefs bouncing around and it seems to be kind of my main
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focus now. So what do I do about that?
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And it's a great question. The whole point of understanding
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limiting beliefs, negative stories, saboteurs or blind
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spots, whatever you want to call them, the whole point of that is
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to have awareness that those stories are a very specific
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perspective that you view the world through a lens, a filter
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through which you view your circumstances.
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And when we can understand that those stories and those beliefs,
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they're not us. They're not our genetic makeup,
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our DNA, they're not how we're wired.
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And they're actually just a lens, a filter, a perspective.
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It's really empowering because then you can be in choice and
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you can choose a different perspective.
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And this whole concept, it takes a while to wrap our brains
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around because we're not taught to think about things this way.
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In fact, as we grow up, we pick up stories, we pick up limiting
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beliefs, we pick up these saboteurs based on our lived
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experiences and we start to think that they are us.
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We'll say to ourselves, oh, I'm a perfectionist.
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Oh, I'm such a people pleaser. You know, if we even have that
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language, we start to associate the ways that we think with ways
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of being. Oh, I'm just wired that way.
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That's how I am. That's how that's just the way
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things are for me. When in fact it's not true
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because we are capable of change.
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We're capable of shifting and growing and behaving differently
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than we might have historically behaved, but we have to
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understand 1st that it's the perspectives that drive our
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behavior. There's a formula that we talked
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about in coaching CTFAR, and I'll tell you kind of what that
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means and then how this saboteur idea blends in with this.
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So the first word that we would consider is C circumstances or
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experiences, situations, however you want to call it.
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It's just the facts. It's what is happening in front
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of us or what is happening in the world.
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So circumstances would trigger T, which is thoughts.
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Circumstances trigger thoughts and thoughts then produce
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feelings. Feelings then generate actions A
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and then actions will cause our results are or outcomes.
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Now we have to understand 1st that the circumstances are the
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situations that are going on. That's just data.
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Those are just facts, and it is our perspective or the lens or
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filter that we view that data through that will then produce
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thoughts and then feelings and then actions and results.
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It is the filter through which this information is coming
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through that shapes how we think and feel about things.
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Let's use a really common example.
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A lot of people love dogs. They they're like, dogs are the
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best thing in the world. I want to have a million dogs.
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I want to talk about dogs. I want to pet every dog that
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walks by me, and that's great. The majority of people love
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dogs. I think dogs are fine.
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They're not. I'm a cat person, but whatever.
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Some people do not like dogs at all.
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Some people are terrified of dogs.
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The experiences that people have early in life are going to shape
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their thoughts and feelings about the circumstances in front
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of them. So if a dog walks by and you
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have somebody who was chased by a dog or bit by a dog at a very
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young age, that experience created a story in their mind.
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I'm afraid of dogs. It's then become a lens, a
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perspective, a filter through which they view information.
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And so when a dog walks by them, they're terrified.
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They're viewing that information, that data through
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that lens and they want to get the hell out of there.
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Whereas somebody who was raised with a dog had a great
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experience, had a family dog they loved, they loved on them,
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they were cuddly. It was a great experience.
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That person is going to see that dog walking by, view it through
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their own personal filter of I like dogs, dogs are safe, and
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they're going to say, Oh my God, I'm going to go pet that dog and
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I want to take it home with me. Same circumstance, but two very
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different experiences of that circumstance based on the story
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that that person has acquired through their lived experiences.
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This is really important and it's really powerful to
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understand that we have the ability to change perspectives,
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substitute in a different story if we have the awareness that
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this is a story to begin with. You ever heard that saying you
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can't believe everything you think or you can't believe
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everything you feel? This formula CT FAR is exactly
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why our thoughts are so often generated by old historical
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stories. There's another saying what's
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historical often becomes hysterical, and that is because
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the things that have happened in our past often become very blown
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up in terms of how powerful they can be.
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So you can't believe everything that you think and feel because
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old historical or hysterical stories are the things that are
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influencing thoughts and feelings, which then shape our
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behavior, our actions, and then create our results and our
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outcomes. And people who get the same
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outcomes over and over again, and they're frustrated because
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nothing's changing in their life, it's often because they're
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not going back far enough in the formula to create change.
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They're working so hard at changing their actions and their
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behavior. But that's only one step back
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from results, the actions phase in the formula, we got to go
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back further. We have to go to feelings.
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We have to go back to thoughts. And then even before that, let's
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look at the story, the lens, the perspective through which we are
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viewing the circumstances, the situation, the experience at
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hand. Because if we go all the way
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back to the beginning of the formula and we start making
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change there, that's when we can start to actually create a
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different outcome and result. In the past, we talked about
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saboteurs and we've described how these stories are created
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often at a young age, usually between the age of 7 and 15
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roughly, some much earlier, some later in life.
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But often when we are growing up, we're having lived
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experiences. But we have to remember those
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lived experiences are happening when our brains are still
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developing. In fact, the prefrontal cortex,
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which is the place of rational thought, logical thought, the
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prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped until we're later
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in our 20s. And so often we have a lack of
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context of the world. Our worlds are still pretty
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small when we're young and we have an underdeveloped brain and
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we are creating these stories about life during a time where
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we don't have all the information.
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And so what's happening for people out in the world when
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they are not investing in their growth or self development,
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What's happening so often is people are walking around
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letting their old historical stories, their saboteurs run the
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damn show. And remember, those stories were
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created when they were young. And so if you think about it,
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you're like, do I want my 13 year old self, my 13 year old
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stories about people pleasing or hyper vigilance or being a
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victim or perfectionism? Do I want those stories running
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the show in my life as a 44 year old?
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It's really interesting and it makes a lot of sense because so
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many people, they lack this awareness of their own stories
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and they lack the awareness that they're leading with their old
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pain or their old fear. So often now there are a lot of
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different ways to look at limiting beliefs and this is
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just one frame. It's one way of looking at these
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things that has made a lot of sense to me and has helped me
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create change in my own life. I think when we look at this
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formula, CTFAR circumstances trigger thoughts, produce
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feelings, generate actions, cause results.
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It's really helpful to see, to envision this process that
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happens to us every single day and recognizing that just after
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the circumstances, we have layered a filter, a story,
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whatever the perspective or the story or the filter might be
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based on our lived experiences, which will then influence the
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rest of that formula downstream. People who have had great
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experiences with their families during the holidays, who've had
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a lot of joy and celebration around the holiday season, are
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going to have a lot of warm fuzzy feelings around the
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holidays. They're going to have a great
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experience during the months of November and December.
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People who have had negative experiences, who've experienced
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loss or sadness, who've not had great family connections during
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those times, they might not have the same feelings about the
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holiday season. People who've had great
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experiences with sports and have gotten a lot out of it and have
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experienced camaraderie and teamwork and growth, they're
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going to love sports. They're going to be excited
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about playing them or watching them or talking about them.
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Whereas people who didn't have great experiences with sports or
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really didn't have much exposure to them, they're not going to
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have the same feelings about it. So you can see how the ways in
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which we were brought up, the things that we were exposed to,
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the circumstances, the data that we experienced as a young person
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and growing up is going to then shape the lens, the filter, the
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perspectives that we have. And we carry those things with
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us. And when we can understand that,
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we can be a little bit more empowered so that we can then be
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in choice and say, OK, I recognize that I have some
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saboteurs, that I have some limiting beliefs and I can start
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to become aware of those. I can start to call those out.
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I'm going to look at this data in front of me.
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I'm going to recognize that my perfectionist or my people
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pleaser is really rare enough in me, and I'm going to choose
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something different. So as you're navigating the next
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couple of months, the rest of this holiday season, getting
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into the new year, there's lots of energy during this time of
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year. Remember this formula.
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See circumstances trigger thoughts T produce feelings F
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generate actions a which cause results R And right after that
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first step, circumstances, we apply our lens, our filter based
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on our lived experiences. And if we can remember that and
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be in choice about which lens we want to choose, which
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perspective we want to choose, that downstream formula is going
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to be a lot more powerful for us.
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So I hope this helps. I hope this spurs on some
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insights for you. Thank you for being here, for
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listening to this podcast. I hope you're finding some joy
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in this season. I hope you're able to spend some
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time with people that you love and connect with people.
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Take up a little bit of time for yourself.
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Celebrate yourself for everything that you've
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accomplished this year because I'm sure it was a hell of a lot
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based on the fact that you're here and you're the kind of
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person who listens to this kind of podcast.
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You're doing a good job. Remember that you're doing a
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good job. You can sign up for the Impact
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Ready newsletter. It's called the Impact Effect.
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All you have to do is go to stephsaffer.com and sign up for
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the newsletter down at the bottom of the page.
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And that way you can stay in touch with me and get a little
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bit more inspiration and coaching Nuggets a couple times
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a month. I hope that you have an
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incredible week. Thank you for listening and as
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always, thank you for being ready to Impact.
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Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
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If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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Thanks again for being here.