Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #240| How To Create A Mother's Day You'll Actually Enjoy
Transcript
- 0:01Michelle Gauthier: We've got this idea that Mother's Day should be relaxing and amazing and we should feel appreciated and yet.
- 0:12Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:30Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:40Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
- 0:42Michelle Gauthier: Today we're going to be talking about Mother's Day, where I am giving you a full month's warning so that you have plenty of time to create the type of Mother's Day that you want to have.
- 0:53Michelle Gauthier: When you'll listen today, you'll learn why Mother's Day can feel overwhelming even when nothing is technically wrong.
- 0:58Michelle Gauthier: The hidden expectation that's actually creating this disappointment that you're feeling, and one simple shift that you can do to make your day feel better this year.
- 1:08Michelle Gauthier: Today's episode has the perfect sponsor for a Mother's Day episode, and that is Cozy Earth.
- 1:14Michelle Gauthier: Cozy Earth makes all kinds of products that make life just a little bit more special and beautiful.
- 1:21Michelle Gauthier: The Mother's Day gift that I chose for my mom and my sister are the Cozy Earth robes and slippers.
- 1:29Michelle Gauthier: They are so soft and comfortable.
- 1:32Michelle Gauthier: I love the weight of them.
- 1:33Michelle Gauthier: I love a little bit of a heavier robe, although they do make a light one.
- 1:37Michelle Gauthier: I like the heavy one.
- 1:38Michelle Gauthier: They just make life feel a little bit more elevated and comfortable and fancy.
- 1:43Michelle Gauthier: And what mom or woman on earth does not want that?
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: Just like everything that they make, it has a hundred-day guarantee.
- 1:51Michelle Gauthier: So if you use this robe for 100 days and you decide on day 99 you don't like it, you can always return it, exchange it, get your money back.
- 1:58Michelle Gauthier: So it's risk-free trial.
- 2:00Michelle Gauthier: One of the things we're going to be talking about in today's episode is how to ask for the things that you really want for Mother's Day.
- 2:06Michelle Gauthier: So if what you really want is a beautiful elevated robe and slippers, go to cozyearth.com and use code OWW for overwhelmed working woman to get 20% off as a gift for yourself, a gift for your mom, a gift for your sister, your stepmom, anybody who you love and want to treat this Mother's Day.
- 2:25Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so let's jump into this episode about Mother's Day.
- 2:29Michelle Gauthier: I first want to say that I feel extremely grateful to still have my mom with me.
- 2:34Michelle Gauthier: I have many friends, clients, people who are very special to me, whose mothers have passed away.
- 2:40Michelle Gauthier: And I just want to say that, especially on Mother's Day, I'm so sorry for your loss.
- 2:44Michelle Gauthier: And I understand that this can be such a hard day for you.
- 2:47Michelle Gauthier: I also understand as a woman who wanted kids for about seven years before I was able to adopt my oldest child, sometimes Mother's Day can be hard when you're not a mom, but you wish you were.
- 2:58Michelle Gauthier: So I see you too.
- 3:00Michelle Gauthier: I just want to say that this episode is about asking for what you want as a mom on Mother's Day.
- 3:06Michelle Gauthier: But if you're in a situation where Mother's Day has a little heartache for you, I see you and I support you and I'm giving you a hug from here.
- 3:14Michelle Gauthier: When I started writing this episode, the Mother's Day that I had in mind was Mother's Day when my kids were pretty little.
- 3:20Michelle Gauthier: They were maybe three and six or something like that.
- 3:23Michelle Gauthier: I woke up on Mother's Day morning and we had plans for brunch.
- 3:26Michelle Gauthier: My ex-husband had to work.
- 3:28Michelle Gauthier: He was on call and he worked a lot of weekends.
- 3:30Michelle Gauthier: So he was on call.
- 3:31Michelle Gauthier: So I got up and got little kids ready and took them to the restaurant where we were supposed to have brunch.
- 3:38Michelle Gauthier: And he was running late.
- 3:39Michelle Gauthier: Not his fault, but he was running late.
- 3:42Michelle Gauthier: And the breakfast was just as chaotic as breakfast with two little kids is.
- 3:47Michelle Gauthier: And the whole thing was just super annoying to me.
- 3:50Michelle Gauthier: And when we got home, I was like, what do I want to do the rest of the day?
- 3:53Michelle Gauthier: I thought, I want to be by myself.
- 3:55Michelle Gauthier: And I didn't do anything to plan ahead or to say, actually, if you can't get the kids ready and take us all to brunch, I don't even want to go to brunch.
- 4:04Michelle Gauthier: I'll just go do something later by myself.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: So I didn't ask for what I wanted.
- 4:08Michelle Gauthier: I didn't even think about it.
- 4:10Michelle Gauthier: And then later in the day, when I felt like just being alone, I didn't do it because I didn't have the nerve or the sense.
- 4:15Michelle Gauthier: I don't know what to ask for it there.
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: So I want to spare you from this kind of Mother's Day, or maybe you've already had that kind of Mother's Day because then I just ended up feeling really guilty because I was annoyed with my entire family for all of Mother's Day.
- 4:28Michelle Gauthier: And who wants that?
- 4:29Michelle Gauthier: We're usually the ones in charge of the plans.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: We're the ones making sure everyone's ready on time.
- 4:34Michelle Gauthier: We know where we're going.
- 4:35Michelle Gauthier: We know what restaurant everyone likes, et cetera.
- 4:38Michelle Gauthier: So on Mother's Day, we can't just turn that off without purposefully trying to do it because you're normally the one who anticipates and organizes and makes sure everything runs smoothly.
- 4:49Michelle Gauthier: So just remember that the mental load that you're carrying around and managing every day is still going to be there on Mother's Day, just like me, getting up and getting two little kids ready and taking them to brunch and trying to keep them entertained while we were waiting for my husband and then having a chaotic brunch.
- 5:04Michelle Gauthier: That's because that was my role.
- 5:06Michelle Gauthier: And that is what I was very much used to doing.
- 5:09Michelle Gauthier: So I think your job here is just to notice what you normally do every day and ask yourself, do I want to do that on Mother's Day?
- 5:17Michelle Gauthier: For me, the answer is no.
- 5:18Michelle Gauthier: And now the second thing I want to talk about are the unspoken expectations.
- 5:22Michelle Gauthier: You've probably heard this before if you're a dedicated podcast listener, but we create our own suffering when we have expectations that exceed reality.
- 5:32Michelle Gauthier: My expectation was that I would have an easy morning and get up and take my little kids to brunch and that they would just sit there and I don't know what color, eat their breakfast.
- 5:41Michelle Gauthier: My husband would be on time.
- 5:43Michelle Gauthier: We'd all have this super fun breakfast together.
- 5:45Michelle Gauthier: And when that didn't happen, I was super disappointed.
- 5:49Michelle Gauthier: So I created my own suffering and my own disappointment by having a very unrealistic expectation.
- 5:54Michelle Gauthier: Never in the history of having two little kids had I ever gone out to a breakfast where breakfast was relaxing.
- 6:00Michelle Gauthier: You can go out to breakfast and you can eat and you can have fun with your family or whatever, but relaxing was never.
- 6:06Michelle Gauthier: I don't know about you and your kids, but for me, it was never.
- 6:09Michelle Gauthier: Maybe you have an expectation that your spouse is going to make really thoughtful plans for you or that your kids are going to be super sweet and not fight with each other, or that someone else is going to take the initiative, or just expecting everyone to appreciate you on that day.
- 6:25Michelle Gauthier: When you have those expectations, but they're not spoken out loud or directed to the person who can do something about it, you just hold on to it, and then the day unfolds and it doesn't meet your expectations, and maybe they do try, but it just doesn't meet your expectations, then you're disappointed and you are suffering.
- 6:43Michelle Gauthier: You're creating your own suffering.
- 6:44Michelle Gauthier: So what to do instead is think about what your expectations are.
- 6:49Michelle Gauthier: Think about if they're realistic, and then ask for what you want.
- 6:53Michelle Gauthier: As you guys know, I'm a single mom.
- 6:55Michelle Gauthier: And last year I told my kids, here's what I want.
- 6:57Michelle Gauthier: I told them like a week out.
- 6:59Michelle Gauthier: Here's what I want.
- 7:00Michelle Gauthier: I want us all to go to my favorite coffee shop.
- 7:03Michelle Gauthier: And then I want to go to this art festival and I want to walk around.
- 7:08Michelle Gauthier: And I picked out a pair of running shoes that I wanted for my present.
- 7:11Michelle Gauthier: And their dad is very good about asking ahead of time what I want for Mother's Day.
- 7:15Michelle Gauthier: And so he bought the shoes and sent them to our house, and the kids gave them to me.
- 7:20Michelle Gauthier: And we went to the coffee shop and to the art festival just like I wanted.
- 7:24Michelle Gauthier: And then my sweet dad cooked dinner for my mom and me and my sister-in-law.
- 7:30Michelle Gauthier: And it really turned out to be a pretty nice day.
- 7:32Michelle Gauthier: But at the coffee shop, one of my kids doesn't drink coffee and one was excited about it.
- 7:37Michelle Gauthier: One got crumb somewhere and the other one was annoyed.
- 7:39Michelle Gauthier: Then they started touching each other.
- 7:40Michelle Gauthier: And these are teenagers.
- 7:41Michelle Gauthier: They're like touching each other and smacking each other.
- 7:44Michelle Gauthier: And then it was really hot at the art festival and they didn't want to wait while I looked at this.
- 7:48Michelle Gauthier: I found these really cute skirts and I wanted to get one of the skirts and they were just annoyed with me.
- 7:53Michelle Gauthier: So it was not a picture perfect day, but I had very low expectations.
- 7:56Michelle Gauthier: Like my expectations were, I want you guys to get coffee with me and I want you to go to this art show with me and do your best not to complain.
- 8:02Michelle Gauthier: And I had actually a really nice day.
- 8:05Michelle Gauthier: So think about what you want and ask for what you want and say it out loud, even if it feels uncomfortable.
- 8:11Michelle Gauthier: A couple of years ago, I did a poll on Facebook that was like, hey dads, uh, would you rather guess what your wife wants on Mother's Day or just have her tell you what you want?
- 8:22Michelle Gauthier: And of course they were all like, just tell me what you want.
- 8:25Michelle Gauthier: And sometimes we think it doesn't mean as much if they don't think about it, if they can't think about it on their own.
- 8:31Michelle Gauthier: I completely disagree with that.
- 8:34Michelle Gauthier: I think that if their goal is to get something that you like and you tell them what you like versus just getting a gift that you don't want and that you're disappointed in, if they're gonna get you something anyway, you might as well ask for something that you want.
- 8:46Michelle Gauthier: One thing I always loved when my kids were little, and even now they just wrote me the sweetest birthday card this year on a white piece of paper, but they had very nice sentiments on it.
- 8:56Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes what you want to ask for is a handwritten card, or sometimes you want to sleep in and have, if you have a spouse, have them take the kids to Dunkin' Donuts for the morning, and you can't care about what they're eating or doing as long as you get to sleep in.
- 9:09Michelle Gauthier: So just ask for what you want.
- 9:11Michelle Gauthier: Avoid the thinking of if they really cared, they'd just figure it out.
- 9:14Michelle Gauthier: That isn't true.
- 9:15Michelle Gauthier: People just aren't mind readers, and everybody has a different idea of what a special day might look like.
- 9:21Michelle Gauthier: Get your own mind in order to think about what you would really want so that you can ask for it.
- 9:26Michelle Gauthier: Here are the questions that I would ask yourself.
- 9:28Michelle Gauthier: Number one, how would I genuinely like to spend my time that day?
- 9:32Michelle Gauthier: And if what comes to mind is I don't want to spend time with my kids on that day, or I want to spend an hour with my kids on that day, and then I want to be not with them, great.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: It doesn't matter.
- 9:43Michelle Gauthier: It doesn't matter what the answer is, just get clear on what you want.
- 9:45Michelle Gauthier: I mentioned I went to a coffee shop last year with my kids and I saw one of my friends from my gym there, and she was all by herself and she was reading a book and she's this is what I requested on Mother's Day.
- 9:54Michelle Gauthier: I wanted to come here all by myself and sit here and read a book.
- 9:56Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, I love that.
- 9:57Michelle Gauthier: Good job.
- 9:58Michelle Gauthier: The other question to ask yourself is what do I want to be in charge of and what do I not?
- 10:03Michelle Gauthier: So do you want to choose where you're going to eat or do you want to have someone else plan that for you?
- 10:10Michelle Gauthier: Do you want to host?
- 10:11Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times, if we're lucky enough to still have our moms with us or there are other moms in our families, a lot of times moms will host Mother's Day.
- 10:19Michelle Gauthier: Do you really want to do that?
- 10:20Michelle Gauthier: Or do you want to go to a restaurant instead?
- 10:23Michelle Gauthier: And then the last thing is if I could choose a gift, what would I love to receive?
- 10:27Michelle Gauthier: So it could be a gift or an experience or time alone or a card or whatever you want.
- 10:32Michelle Gauthier: So think about those things.
- 10:33Michelle Gauthier: How do I want to spend time on that day?
- 10:35Michelle Gauthier: What do I want to be in charge of?
- 10:36Michelle Gauthier: And then what would I love to receive?
- 10:38Michelle Gauthier: You've got a whole month now that you can think about this and start asking for what you want.
- 10:43Michelle Gauthier: Decide ahead of time that you are going to have a great Mother's Day and you're going to celebrate yourself and that you're going to feel celebrated and loved no matter what.
- 10:52Michelle Gauthier: If this episode hits home for you, this is exactly the kind of work that I do inside my one-on-one coaching.
- 10:59Michelle Gauthier: Learning to ask for what you need.
- 11:01Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes the hardest part is even trying to figure out what you need or what you want, setting your expectations clearly and feeling supported in your life by yourself and not looking for other people to do that for you.
- 11:13Michelle Gauthier: This can apply on Mother's Day or any day of the week, any time of the year.
- 11:18Michelle Gauthier: You can book a call with me in the show notes if you're interested in doing one-on-one coaching.
- 11:23Michelle Gauthier: Now get on out there and plan a great Mother's Day.
- 11:30Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 11:33Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 11:39Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.