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Transcript

Relationships That Stay · The No Cry Zone

• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Jim Best.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining me in the No Cry Zone.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a really meaningful, relevant, and ultimately helpful message to share with you today.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: First, I do want to thank all of you who celebrated the second annual unreluctant day with us last week.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And thanks to the many of you who shared your tremendous stories of personal progress, triumphs, and new ventures and adventures as you became less reluctant.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Very inspiring.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Please keep those stories coming and keep that progress going.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, today's to the point intro.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: There are a few things that influence our lives more than relationships.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: They affect our confidence, our happiness, our decisions, our memories, sometimes even where we live.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yet relationships can be very challenging and often, let's say, strange.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some last sixty years, some last six months.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow the six-month relationship can stay with us longer.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'd like to talk about that and look at why that is.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not about getting someone back, not about dating advice, but about understanding why certain relationships continue living inside of us.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Our intro and feature song for our episode is one of my favorite songs by Brazen Candor.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Cobblestone, and it's from the recent album No Precedent.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: As many of you know, it begins like this.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: The cobblestone streets made my footprints echo throughout the neighborhood.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Immediately, we're somewhere familiar, not just geographically, but emotionally.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: We've all gone back somewhere we probably shouldn't have.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes physically, more often mentally.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: The chorus asks a remarkably honest question.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Me coming back to what?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Of love long lost, a woman who no longer wanted me?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the most courageous questions anyone can ask.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Coming back to what?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Many of us aren't returning to another person.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're returning to an idea, a notion, a memory, a possibility.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're chasing closure.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're chasing the version of ourselves that existed during that relationship.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's an important distinction and something to be aware of personally.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Often we don't actually miss the other person as much as we miss who we were when we were with them.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Young, hopeful, excited, optimistic, in love with the future, enamored with the future.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: The song then says there's a time and a place, and of course, there's a cost.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Though we don't always recognize this, every relationship does have a cost, not just financially, emotionally, opportunity cost, trust, time, sometimes our identity.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Every serious relationship changes us.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't make it bad.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, that's why we enter into relationships, isn't it?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it does make it significant to have that understanding.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the real question becomes was the tuition worth the education?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Even painful relationships teach us, sometimes they teach us what we value, sometimes what we'll never tolerate again.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they reveal strengths we didn't know we possessed.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then one of my favorite lines says, I felt good.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was alive, unstoppable.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Just like I did you and me way back when.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what isn't being celebrated.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: The relationship itself.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's the feeling.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Often we're chasing that feeling, aren't we?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It makes us feel alive, meaningful, relevant.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: It puts us in the mix.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And many relationships become symbols.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: They represent possibility, potential, adventure, youth, confidence, and freedom.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: When people say, I wish I could go back, very often they're talking about themselves, back to how they felt before.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Their former partner no longer is the focus.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Then comes one of the deepest questions in the song.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Was I a sinner or just one who sinned?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's a profound distinction.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: We all make mistakes in relationships, don't we?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Every one of us.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: But mistakes are behaviors, they aren't identities.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: One poor decision shouldn't become your permanent definition.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy people learn.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Unhealthy people keep reliving.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness, whether from someone else or from yourself, is often what allows growth to begin.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Later in the song, the lyrics say, There were secrets we promised we'd keep.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships create private worlds, shared jokes, restaurants, vacations, music, places.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Remember when?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Those memories don't disappear just because a relationship does.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's why hearing one particular song can instantly transport you twenty years backwards.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Memory doesn't ask permission.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Then another line.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason and cause for what we do.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's a purpose in what we say.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships rarely fail because of one spectacular event.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Usually it is patterns of behavior, habits, small decisions, repeated conversations, repeated disappointments, repeated letdowns, repeated kindnesses, or repeated neglect.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships are built one interaction at a time.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: They're usually undone exactly the same way.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Near the end of Cobblestone comes my favorite lyric.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll never go back to yesterday.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's maturity, not bitterness, acceptance.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday formed who you are today.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: It taught you it'd strengthen you.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, it isn't your destination.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to recreate an old relationship.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Even if two people reunite, neither one is the same person anymore.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Life has changed both of them.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't going backwards.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It can't be.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's moving forward more wisely, more intelligently.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: The final image some think are haunting.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: That cobblestone proclaiming that I'm on my own again.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But then comes something subtle.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Being alone isn't always loneliness.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's independence.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's healing.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's where we rediscover ourselves and become strong and independent again.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Before another relationship can truly flourish, you need to become comfortable walking your own cobblestone streets.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do relationships teach us?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: They teach us about love, about disappointment, about forgiveness, about hope, about ourselves.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some relationships are meant to last forever.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Others are meant to prepare us for the relationships that do.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: The important thing is not to let yesterday become today's address.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Carry the lessons, leave the baggage, remember the gratitude, release the regret, and keep moving forward because somewhere ahead there's another street, another conversation, another opportunity, more potential, another chapter.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me today in the No Cry Zone.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep growing, keep learning, and remember, the goal isn't to return to who you were, it's to become someone even better because of where you've been and what you've lived through.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Aspire.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Exercise your freedom.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Come upwards with us at Upwards Best.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Move forward even faster with Momentum GPS.com and visit the world of Brazen Candor, where their music will bring your hopes, desires, and memories to life.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great week.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, they are yours for the making.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: The cobblestone streets made my footprints echo throughout the neighborhood.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: There would be some if they took the time would say that it's not good.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Be coming back to a long, long, long storm, no, no.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's a time and a place, and of course there's a cost, it's something to catch.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's a time and a place, and of course, there's a cost of case.